Daily Archives: September 22, 2006

Rosh Hashana: Coronation Night

Two elderly Jews who hadn’t seen each other in 50 years, met, slowly recognized one another and embraced. They went back to the apartment of one of them to talk about the days long ago.

The conversation went for hours. Night fell. One asked the other, “Look at your watch. What time is it?”

“I don’t have a watch,” said the second.

“Then look at the clock.”

“I don’t have a clock.”

“Then how do you tell the time?”

“You see that trumpet in the corner?” asked the second. “That’s how I tell the time.”

“You’re crazy,” said the first. “How can you tell the time with a trumpet?”

The second one picked up the trumpet, opened the window and blew a deafening blast. Thirty seconds later an angry neighbor shouted, “Two thirty in the morning, and you’re playing the trumpet?” The man turned to his friend and said, “You see? That’s how you tell the time with a trumpet!”

Rosh Hashana: A Sacred Marriage… VIOLATED

Overwhelmed with emotion, I lightly sway back and forth. I bring the siddur close to my face, breathing in the worn pages of the machzor. My lids are drawn closed by tears welling in the corners of my eyes. The day has finally come.

I stand before my G-d with both awe and the sinking feeling of a minute puzzle piece in the impressive puzzle of a Master. I take full stock of what I am. A TRAITOR.

I am a wicked, selfish traitor. I do not deserve this wonderful husband of mine. Time and again I have displeased him, caused Him pain and grief.

Our marriage is sacred. One no one can break. Yet, I have managed to violate that which I hold dearest and most holy. My marriage to G-d.

Rosh Hashana: The Drunken Prayer of A Sober Woman

In loving memory of my dear aunt, Esther (bas Batya) Twersky, whose beautiful soul ascended the heavens two years ago on her birthday, Rosh Hashanah.

A man was heading out of the synagogue one day, and as always the rabbi was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed. The rabbi grabbed the man by the hand, pulled him aside and said “You need to join the Army of G-d!” The man said, “I’m already in the Army of G-d, Rabbi.” The Rabbi questioned, “How come I don’t see you except for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?” The man whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

In the Haftorah reading of Rosh Hashanah, we recite a most interesting incident recorded in the Prophets[i] about Hannah’s prayer to G-d on Rosh Hashanah[ii]: