I stand before my G-d with both awe and the sinking feeling of a minute puzzle piece in the impressive puzzle of a Master. I take full stock of what I am. A TRAITOR.
I am a wicked, selfish traitor. I do not deserve this wonderful husband of mine. Time and again I have displeased him, caused Him pain and grief.
Our marriage is sacred. One no one can break. Yet, I have managed to violate that which I hold dearest and most holy. My marriage to G-d.
Rosh Hashana: A Sacred Marriage… VIOLATED
Overwhelmed with emotion, I lightly sway back and forth. I bring the siddur close to my face, breathing in the worn pages of the machzor. My lids are drawn closed by tears welling in the corners of my eyes. The day has finally come.
I stand before my G-d with both awe and the sinking feeling of a minute puzzle piece in the impressive puzzle of a Master. I take full stock of what I am. A TRAITOR.
I am a wicked, selfish traitor. I do not deserve this wonderful husband of mine. Time and again I have displeased him, caused Him pain and grief.
Our marriage is sacred. One no one can break. Yet, I have managed to violate that which I hold dearest and most holy. My marriage to G-d.
As I come before Him, I am humbled. I do not express regret for specific sins I have committed. No. Now is not that time. He is not angry with me for sinning. He is saddened by my choices that have created distance between us. He loves me. How could I have been so selfish, uninhibited, and blind? So very blind…
As a wife, I look to dwell on the qualities of my husband, rather than on the enormity of my sins. My husband is incredible, so selfless, Divine, and endearing.
This year my prayers are formed in a slightly different chamber of my heart. I have definitely matured, yet with this newfound maturity, I have the astounding realization that I have so much further to go. Maturity of the mind, emotions, thoughts, and feelings.
And I will begin by consecrating my marriage to my Beloved, once again.
“Ani LeDodi V’Dodi Li / I am to my Beloved, and my Beloved is to me.”
Bayla
Beautiful…
Boruch ben Tzvi HaKohaine Hoffinger
B"H
Very beautiful and meaningful!
Proud Friend
YONIQUA my luv, as I read this I was thinking how it was so your style and then I see the link to your blog… I’m blown away… You are amazing… I hope shluchos is going well, I’m sure you’re great!
urs truly
luv u!! this is beautiful.
and ur blog is brilliant!
Me
Woah!!!! It’s really, really good. I havn’t read your writings in so long, I forgot how good they were!!!
me
Dena
Yoniqua!
How profound, poetic and poignant…
It’s truly chassidic to portray our wrongdoings as a betrayal of trust or as a misguided choice, rather than as outright sins. And that Hashem is the Faithful Partner who will always be there for us despite all.
I’ll keep this hisbonunus in mind come Yom Kippur.
Very impressed – keep spreading chassidus in your yoniqua way!
Sam Sussman
I find the cultural and religous parts of this fascinating, as I am surely one of your few atheistic readers. Good work.
shaina
wow wow wow absolutely amazing. kol hakavod
rm 1 bed 2
Yoniqua your a true inspiration to us all
i know you!!!
I can’t wait till you come out with your music…
This yoniqua… she’s going to be a *STAR* like you cannot imagine.
luitenant sk
lol..good goin sarge..im so very humbled to be a friend of yours..seems like youre becomin pretty famous..shkoyach..(horse noises…)
yo luva
ive always known this girl would be famous!!
love ya, yoniqua!!
mushoo
that’s my gurl!
i love it ! i love it ! ilove it !!
you blew me away once again with your brilliant writting .
keep it up- im truly proud ; )
Shulie
WOW I’m I utterly blown away I never knew you had it in you!Poetic and moving all in one! I can only strive to keep those thought in mind as I daven.