by Yermi Kurkus

Letter: 4 Lessons Learned from the “UPS Shadchan”

What can we learn from the story of the Shidduch that Terry Spiers, the UPS driver made? One reader shares four positive lessons he learned from last weeks sensational story.

by Yermi Kurkus

By now, you must have read that new, hot story of the UPS Delivery guy who made a Shidduch in the Chabad community this past week. If you haven’t, check it out here. It was quite a special story. It got me thinking however, why did it get so much publicity and why was it all over the internet?

This story can give us a few very strong lessons we can really learn from.

1. You Never Know Where the Shidduch Will Come From.

If you are worried whether you should move to a certain country or go somewhere specific, this is a great lesson: don’t worry — your Shidduch will find you one way or another. We need to have faith that it can come, practically, from nowhere, which ties into the next lesson…

2. Take Every Suggestion Seriously

…even when it seems completely unusual. Some may think it’s completely not shayach, but you never know. Stop thinking of all these stereotypes. You never know G-d’s plans nor how mysteriously G-d works. Sometimes all it takes is to consider a suggestion, and look into it. There might be a very unique surprise on the other side thereafter. Sometimes it is worth going out once or twice. There are many stories of couples that seemed completely not suitable for each other, and B”H, they are happily married today.

3. When the Right Time Will Come – Hashem Will Send the Right Shidduch

We are not in the business of understanding G-d’s plans. We would like to try to somehow control it, but the expression “man thinks and G-d laughs” is the only truth. It says “harbeh shluchim lamakom.” G-d has many messengers – it may even be the non-Jewish UPS delivery guy. In the meantime, a person should go about their regular life and business, be nice to people, and keep doing their thing. Have a job, a plan, and bring something to the table. When Hashem feels it is the right time and you are both ready, He will work his powerful magic.

4. Start Using UPS for your Logistics Efforts

Obviously this is not meant to be an advertisement, but it is, rather, a little a jab at humor. In all seriousness, the message is to emphasize the importance of treating people well and working on a plan for life. Marriage is not about filling a void — it is about sharing an awesome life with an awesome person, sharing happy moments, and moving on to the next stage in life.

May Hashem help you all to find your Shidduchim in the right and auspicious moment, whenever and wherever it may come from. May you all live a fulfilling and happy life, Amen.

20 Comments

  • Very nicely said!

    Remember, there is a lid for every pot. Sometimes, the right lid is on top of the pile & sometimes, you have to try a few on before you find the one that fits.

  • The Bottom Line

    Remember the slogan.
    What can Brown do for you Today???
    Evidently more than you might think!

  • There is a boss

    Terry had/has the zechus to serve many of the Rebbe’s mosdus and people and he is always on the lookout to help-out,

    IF a native UPS driver can do, how much more so US!

  • SEREL MANESS

    DOESN’T THE LAST NAME SOUND GERMAN,IT’S POSSILE HE HAS JEWISH DESCENDANTS?

    • Milhouse

      1) A German name is more likely to mean someone is German than Jewish

      2) Even if his name were Jewish, you are aware where most black Americans got their names, aren’t you?

      3) Whether he has Jewish descendants has nothing at all to do with his name; it’s depends entirely on his wife and daughters-in-law.

  • Good Friend

    So Yermi to write this article…
    Thank you so much…
    This is one guy who is always looking out to help anyone anytime – a true heart of Gold. Someone who always sees positive in everyone, always greets everyone with a wide huge smile. A true light. Perfect article by the perfect person.

    May Hashem send you all the brachas in the world… I’ll see you Friday Night to congratulate you.

  • NOT SO SURE

    We are taught to do everything we can Bgashmius to help promote our needs. As a person who has made numerous shidduchim and been involved in many more I take exception to some of his lessons. A person should live in a place where he/she has the most opportunity and potential to find their bashert. Yiddishkeit is not a fantasy world (although there has grown up a whole fantasy industry right in our midst). No we shouldn’t lay back and say when the Aibishter wants He’ll find a way. We are commanded not to leave a stone unturned in our quest to find our soulmate.

    • Anonymous2

      Your comment is very vague, and I honestly don’t mean to sound rude, negative or condescending.

      But looking at what you wrote and re-reading the article. I see where the two of you are both saying one in the same message.

      The author, wrote beautifully, very short and sweet – and to the point. He is basically saying that turn every stone – by listening to any potential Shidduch. Clearly no one is saying don’t do your due diligence – however by neglecting a possible match, you are in fact sitting back and not doing your part.

      By listening to someone else and considering every option – you are in fact turning over “every stone” – you are looking into every possible option….

  • to #7

    That’s a painful question. Many are suffering through this. But maybe things are a bit harder today because of so much secular influence. You read a romance novel, or see a billboard ad, and now you want the perfect match, and 95% isn’t good enough. Life isn’t a novel. And your basherte isn’t perfect (because no one is perfect, no, not even you).
    Look at what’s inside, midos tovos, yiras shomayim. Maybe he’s a very nice boy, but he’s not able to buy you a house. So you’ll live in a crowded apartment with your kids on bunk beds. Who cares? At least you will have each other and lots of kids to love.
    Maybe she’s not a size 2, and she has pimples? So what. Many size 2’s become size 12’s or 16’s anyway. And their husband’s still love them. So she got a little head start.
    That guy with freckles and balding hair may be the talmid chacham or baal tzedakah you always hoped for.
    Don’t look at his/her photo before you go out. Don’t chat on the phone. Go somewhere pleasant where you can make a good first impression on each other, and may Hashem grant that you find your basherte very soon.

    • Anonymous

      Your first sentence is not accurate, because folks are not reading romance novels.

    • Anonymous2

      As someone who has been involved with helping make Shidduchim, I have seen much over the years…

      #1. Many of the people who remain single (and it’s not necessarily their fault) have some horrible attitudes and characteristic flaws – hence they stay single and miserable.

      #2. Some people are born with health defects – of all sorts – this unfortunately adds as a contributing factor.

      #3. Many people who chose to remain single – simply never made it a priority in life to find their basheret.

      #4. All others who have BH successfully found their Shidduchim – put the effort in – whatever the case was. I met people who went to counseling, went on meds to help balance their brain chemicals, and some have dramatically improved their characteristics in order to match up.

      Remember – the whole reason behind marriage is to get closer to the Aibershter and to do His will. Don’t you think it requires Avoda?

  • Nine is emes

    the number nine is true because it is complete emes & equals 9 in mispar kattan, multiples if nine equal nine. 18,27,36,45 etc.

  • Larry

    In his case(the ups gentlemen) he know both parties very well he interacted with them.the matchmakers really don’t care they give a name a phone number And don’t really know the parties involved the lesson I learned the best way you have to care to want it to happen not just money

  • Chasdai umos haolom!

    May Hashem bless terry in all things for the wonderful Mitzva he performer

  • YMSP

    Yermi, great article. Remember you when you were a kid. Very impressed with your insights.