Op-Ed: The First Year of Marriage, and How Health Disappears
by Chaim Hershkop
I’ve watched young men enter marriage strong, energetic, disciplined, even athletic… and within a year look completely different. Rapid weight gain. Exhaustion. Loss of structure. Loss of confidence. Loss of themselves.
And honestly?
The Sheva Brochos are not what did this to you.
Yes, the first year is busy. There are meals, late nights, adjustments, responsibilities, and emotional changes. But somewhere along the way, many people start treating “I’m married now” as if it means:
Stop training
Stop moving
Stop caring
Stop maintaining discipline
Why?
Marriage is not supposed to be the funeral of your health.
If anything, it should elevate your sense of responsibility.
You are building a home now. A future. A family.
You want energy for your wife.
Strength for your children.
Confidence in yourself.
Discipline in your character.
The problem is that habits formed during this one year become deeply rooted.
Ten, twenty, thirty pounds turns into fifty.
The “temporary break” from the gym becomes five years.
Poor eating becomes normalized.
Exhaustion becomes identity.
And the truth is:
The damage done in one careless year can take decades to reverse.
Not because the body can’t heal — it can.
But because patterns become lifestyles.
Nobody is expecting perfection during Shana Rishona.
But completely abandoning yourself is not healthy, noble, or necessary.
You do not need six intense workouts a week.
You do not need to become obsessed.
But you do need maintenance.
You need structure.
You need movement.
You need self-respect.
A few workouts.
Daily walks.
Better food choices.
Some restraint.
Some discipline.
Small consistencies prevent massive corrections later.
And perhaps most importantly:
Your wife did not marry you so you could disappear a year later.
Take care of yourself.
Not out of vanity —
but out of responsibility.
True but
True points but i think stress is a bigger factor. Kolel hours, you only eat much later at night and are up very early. Stress for paying bills on tiny salary. Navigating a lot as a couple on your own. Whether because parents are out of town/ coun or financially unable, trying to get papers/ insurance for spouses especially when from our of the states….& iyh pregnancy and children..all mostly al
Chaim Hershkop
Having a good excuse is not an excuse. There are limitless excuses. Real life (out of Yeshiva) is hard, and with Hashem’s blessing it will only get harder (more challenging) with good things.
ONE OF THOSE CHALLENGES IS GETTING YOUR MOVEMENT IN!
If there is a will, there is a way! It may not be the way you were able to do it as a care free yeshiva bochur, but it’s still a way! Make it happen!
Poposterous
Your forgettign I was once a pasty yeshiva bochur weighing about 150 pounds before I get I married. Afterwards I got good food bh! I was underwgiht before from the yeshiva food!
meyer chein
Hiskafia
Joe D
Great points and I can attest first hand that Chaim is the goat trainer. But I believe a lot of this lack of ability to exercise comes from limited frum spaces to do so. Going to a mixed gym is a shaylo at any time but especially in shanna reshona.
Ch gyms
There are several male only gyms locally in CH…
Chaim Hershkop
Those who want to find a way, will find it!
The floor is free and available to all.
There are plenty of exercises one can do from the comfort of there home.
You can, get this, WALK MORE!
Now add a few pieces of equipment and your options open up.
In addition, if you really need a gym environment to thrive, there are several great options available for that as well.
AlteKaker
Great article. May I respectfully take this a step further if I may.
Understanding the Shono Reshoina syndrome & everything it brings with it.
On a personal note: after almost 50 years B”H of successful working. I am retired now.
No more 5:30AM waking up.
No more early minyan shul.
No more running to work.
No more being active.
1-2-3 years later one 1 feels 5-10 years older. Same idea.
Chaim Hershkop
If I may suggest something,
Try to keep the same routine you had when you were working.
You already know how peaceful and quiet the world is at 5:30 AM.
Go out for an hour walk — you’ll enjoy every minute of it.
Chaim Hershkop
In addition, what this (comment) also does is challenge the common excuse of: “I don’t have time.”
Here is someone who is retired, who actually has plenty of time available, yet still struggles to use it proper.
Moishe S.
Alcohol and cigarettes will also age you, probably worse than overeating. Cut down on the hard liquor. Stop smoking. You will live longer healthier years.
Anashnomous
Your wife did not marry you so you could disappear a year later.
I think that this is horribly insensitive, and whatever it’s true meaning was meant to be it could have been worded differently.