Weekly Letter: Attitude In The Matter of Disciplining Children
In connection with the children of Yitzchak and Rivkah Yaakov and Eisav, and their upbringing – we share a letter of advice to a woman who is asking what to do regarding her husband’s attitude to the matter of disciplining the children. The Rebbe points out the interesting fact of the husband’s greater success in his Torah and academic studies than other matters.
By the Grace of G-d
8th of Adar Sheini, 5730
Brooklyn, N.Y
Mrs.
New York, N.Y.
Blessing and Greeting:
First of all, in reference to your birthday which you mention at the beginning of your letter, I want to send you my prayerful wishes for a year of Hatzlocho together with your husband and children, with the essential aspect that together with your husband you should bring up your children to a life of Torah, Chuppah and Good Deeds and derive much true Yiddish nachas from them, which is Torah nachas.
With regard to the question of your husband’s attitude to the children in the matter of discipline, etc., I believe that your husband would have a greater measure of hatzlocho if he could fully concentrate on his scientific work and his other duties. Consequently, one should not demand more than the minimum from him in other areas, including also the matter of disciplining the children, which could be rather strenuous and distracting and might affect his scientific work, as well as his Torah studies. A further point. Although I do not know how it is in your case, it is usually easier to bring up children of others than one’s own, for in the former case one can be more objective and not so deeply involved emotionally.
Noting toward the end of your letter that your son’s private tutor has been successful with him, perhaps you could accomplish a great deal more through him, thus leaving your husband a minimum, as suggested above, of reprimanding, etc., in order that the children should no think that they have his tacit consent to their conduct.
I was pleased to note that people from various circles turn to you in the matter of guidance. In addition to this being gratifying in itself and showing that when a person is resolved to conduct the daily life in accordance with the Torah it enhances ones standing in society, in your case this is further important because it gives you an opportunity to extend your influence upon those who approach you and to bring them closer to Yiddishkei.
As we are soon to celebrate the festival of Purim, I send you and yours my prayerful wishes for a very joyous and inspiring Purim, with a double measure of joy and inspiration, since we have two months of Adar in this Leap Year.
With blessing,
