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Op-Ed: Bochurim Are People Too

Fed up with the mistreatment and disrespect he endured at the hands of a Shliach whom he dedicated his Purim holiday to assist, a Lubavitcher Bochur details to Shluchim how Bochurim should ideally be treated, and why it’s important to treat them that way:

Dear Shluchim,

As memories of successful Purim festivities are quickly overtaken by preparations for the coming Pesach, I feel compelled to share some anecdotes and observations of my close to a decade of volunteering for shluchim for the various Yomim Tovim, Bein-Ha’Zmanim adventures, and various event support. While bochrim are indeed privileged to have the opportunity to assist the Rebbe’s champions on the front lines, that does not absolve the shluchim of their responsibly to treat the bochrim with respect, and to serve as dugma chayos of which the Rebbe can be proud. As such, I would like to take this opportunity to bring certain issues to the attention of the Rebbe’s shluchim.

Kodem Kol, and it goes without saying, there are many phenomenal shluchim and Chabad organizations to whom this letter does not apply. They are the reason that Chabad has become synonymous with chesed and support for Yiddishkeit across the globe. They are the reason we are so proud of our shluchim and all they have accomplished. Sadly, there are those shluchim who have not conducted themselves in a manner befitting the Rebbe’s emissaries. It is to them these recommendations are made, and it is my hope that these shluchim will reflect on their conduct and alter their current modi operandi and comportment accordingly.

Firstly, bochrim are people too. This may seem like a self-evident truth but the evidence indicates that it may not be such a foregone conclusion. From personal experience and accounts from my peers, I can attest to gross mistreatment from various shluchim and coordinators for whom we have volunteered our assistance. While the term ‘gross mistreatment’ may sound harsh and exaggerated, I am aware of numerous cases of shluchim neglecting to feed the bochrim they brought down to help and sub-standard sleeping accommodations, such as mold-infested bedrooms and mattresses riddled with insects. As a friend and colleague of mine once observed, one cannot truly appreciate ‘bichinas achoraim’ until they have worked for a shaliach.

Bochrim have also been subjected to various forms of emotional abuse. Everything from being relegated to the basement to eat their Shabbos meal apart from the family, yelled at repeatedly as if they were some kind of misbehaving child, having their accomplishments on mivtzoyim ridiculed, or simply being denied expressions of gratitude and recognition for their contributions. These actions are simply cruel and potentially damaging to adolescents and young adults.

Bochrim give of their time and energy to provide meaningful support for the Rebbe’s mosdos and initiatives. While we do not expect gourmet cuisine or five star accommodations, we do feel entitled to a modicum of respect and hospitality. If you are confused and are unsure of how to better accommodate the bochrim you engage to assist you, I will provide some examples of ways you can help make your bochrim feel welcome and valued.

Food: I cannot emphasize enough the importance of feeding your bochrim. While the statement “Here is the fridge, when you are hungry make yourself something to eat” may feel like you have covered your nutritional obligations, it does not. Most bochrim, like most guests and strangers, don’t feel entirely comfortable in a foreign environment. Consequently, they will not feel at ease taking food from the ‘fridge and will resort to sustaining themselves by purchasing snacks or eating the leftover food from your family meals. Ideally, you will include the bochrim in your family meals and eat together with them. However, conceding that organized meals is not always possible or practical, you should show the bochrim exactly where they can obtain food, prepare and cook it. Take the time to detail the workings of your kitchen and food policies. This will accomplish two things; firstly, the bochrim will truly feel comfortable preparing their own meals, and secondly, they will not inadvertently treif-up your kitchen. Aside from the decency element of this practice, it will also have the added benefit of providing the bochrim with much needed energy to complete the tasks set out for them.

Accommodations: When considering the bochrim’s accommodations one should reflect on the Torah’s perspective on the treatment of slaves. The Torah states that if there is only one pillow the master must give it to the slave.[1] While we are not asking you to give up your pillows, we would like to suggest that if the Torah requires that kind of care for a slave, kal va’chomer for the bochrim of Tomchei Timimim.

Social: It would mean a lot to us if you would make an effort to engage us socially. Ask us about ourselves and listen to the answers. Invite us to eat with you and your family and include us in the conversation. Do not yell at us nor speak to us derisively. It will not enhance our performance and, most likely, will only serve to generate resentment. But most importantly, express gratitude and validate our accomplishments and contributions. As the Rebbe’s shluchim we tend to put you on a pedestal, and as such, your gratitude and satisfaction are not only yours but the Rebbe’s as well. When you express those feelings to us, we feel as if we have given nachas to the Rebbe and made him proud. Please don’t underestimate what those feelings mean to T’mimim.

The second issue that I would like to bring to your attention is that of the Dugma Chaya. As is stated in Gemara and Halacha “Shliach shel odom komoso”,[2] and as you are the Rebbe’s shluchim, there is an expectation that you endeavor to emulate him as much as possible. Obviously, no one presumes to hold the shluchim to the standard of the nossi ha’dor, however, as ambassadors of the Rebbe, a certain level of frumkiet and chassidishkeit is expected.

Being a dugma chaya is something that a shaliach must strive to be at all times, but it is especially relevant when you are hosting bochrim. As mentioned above, bochrim look to shluchim as the representatives of the Rebbe and consider them the benchmark for appropriate conduct on the front lines. The decisions you may take for granted, may serve to set the behavioural standards for young, impressionable bochrim. Thus, before adopting halachic concessions (or ignoring Halacha altogether), I encourage you to consider the ripple effect it will have on those who look to you for guidance and inspiration.

I do not presume to appreciate the difficulties and nisyonos shluchim experience on shlichus. However, I am confident that, as the Rebbe’s shluchim, you are up to the challenge. Whether its tznius, the length of the beard, mixed events, kashrus, Shabbos (yes Shabbos), or simple derech eretz, the Rebbe gives a nisinas koach to his shluchim that empowers them to overcome whatever obstacles they encounter without compromising their yiddishkiet.[3]

In conclusion, as a bochur, I have felt privileged to assist the Rebbe’s shluchim over the years. The accomplishments and initiatives of the shluchim are truly formidable and inspiring. I think I speak for the entire bochrim community when I say that it is an honour and a pleasure to serve greatness, even if it is only occasionally. That being said, words cannot adequately capture the hurt and disappointment when our heroes don’t live up to our expectations. When we are mistreated, neglected, or forced to witness the Rebbe’s shluchim compromise their Yiddishkiet,[4] we begin to question, not only these particular shluchim, but validity of the institution they represent. After all, they are the ambassadors of Chabad, champions of the Rebbe, and pioneering rabbis to the far flung corners of the world. Therefore, I implore you to take these words to heart, conduct an honest din vi’cheshbon, and apply these lessons learned to your upcoming Pesach undertakings.

I wish you all much success in all of your endeavours and look forward to greeting Moshiach together with all of you tekef u’miyad!

Anonymous

***

[1] Rambam, Mishna Torah, Laws of Indentured Servants, (9:8). Talmud Bavli, Tracte Kiddushin (22a).

[2] Talmud Bavli, Tractate Kiddushin (42b). Talmud Bavli, Tractate Nedarim (72b). See also Shulchan Aruch, Choshen Mishpat (182:2)

[3] Lubavitcher Rebbe, Sichos Kodesh, Shabbos Parshas Bireishis, 5719, page 68.

[4] As the Rebbe comments on the Mishna in Pirkei Avos (1:12) ‘…u’mikorvan liTorah.” That when one wishes to bring people closer to Yidishkeit they should always bring people to the Torah, and not the Torah to the people. Watering down Halachain order to make it more attractive, is effectively what the Conservative and Reform movements have done, and it has had disastrous repercussions.

See Lubavitcher Rebbe, Likutei Sichos, vol 35, page 147.

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84 Comments

  • I like it

    I think this is very intuitive and positive on shluchim, but the same time stresses the need for shluchim to be dugma chayos and show bochurim what it means to be a shliach. So that hopfully the bochurim will also follow in their ways

    Thanks! This was much needed

    • The wealthy are bad

      From my many years as an experienced bocher. The wealthy ones with obnoxious egos are the worst. Stay away at all cost even with a contract! The simple pleasant erenst are the true Shluchim and learn from them how they treat all of their ppl the wealthy and the not so all the same.

  • Hater

    This arrogant soul does not speak for bachurim at large. Part of what helps us grow as bachurim and chassidim is the mesiras nefesh we need to have when going to assist shluchim. Instead of complaining about such trivial matters, the author should instead thank the shliach for having given him the opportunity to grow as a bachur and as a chassid. Adding footnotes or wishing us to join him in greeting moshiach does not detract from the venom this op ed spews forth. Shame.

    • Innerperspective

      Wrong- indeed a bochur should have mesiras nefesh and understand that IF the circumstances don’t permit, then the gashmius wont be comfortable. IF is because I think every shliach of the Rebbe should live comfortably if possible. Not to overindulge or be pompous, but in an oifen that he should have easy sailing to do his great Avoidas HaKoidesh.

      But often there is room for improvement of sensitivity from the shliach to the Bochur. Period.

      And I’m sure op-eds can be written how bochurim come with these uncanny expectancies etc which are so outrageous.
      And guess what- that op-ed would be right as well.

      But I take this to be written by someone without those expectancies, who takke might feel that he gave of himself for the shlichus, but not necessarily should it have had to come to that.

    • CH Homeowner

      To “Hater”:
      Are you for real?!?? This was a most respectfully written letter. May the words that “came from the heart, enter the heart”, and may you, the author of this letter, be successful in all your endeavors!!

  • yankel

    The bochurim should start a website detailing which suluchim abuse them, that would cure the situation immediatly.

  • M.

    A shliach in area asked me to pick up groceries in crown heights for him and bring it to him when I came to volunteer to help him for sukkos.

    I laid out $75 and its been over 26 years and I still didn’t receive the check he promised to reimburse me with.

    I am sure he didn’t forget on purpose, I know he is very busy and me and my $75 are at the bottom of the totem pole of important things the shliach does. I have long ago given up on getting the check, and I just consider it a $75 donation to his shul.

    My point is: if I would have received the check right away after sukkos as promised, I would be more eager to help the shluchim. Now when I am asked to volunteer somewhere I usually decline.

    • Innerperspective

      Did you remind him back then and make sure you were on top of getting paid back?

      Under no circumstances is it nice for someone to pay back late, but it’s possible that the $75 was litteraly a difference food on the table for him, or not.

      And if you don’t think so, maybe he’s bichlal a person that needs to be reminded about things like paying back, and would have of he had remembered. And if so, it wasn’t on the bottom of the list because you are a bochur rather there might not have been any list at all and he just forgot. Yes you shouldn’t have to remind people to pay you back, but sometimes you just got to.

      I would love for Donald Trump to have borrowed $5 from me five years ago, so that a few years down the line I could say that he never paid me back (because I didn’t remind him)

  • M.

    To add to my previous comment. I had a great time that sukkos in the shliachs home. His family was great company, we were fed well and had a nice private bedroom etc. We ate with his family and were treated very well.

  • Done with Shluchim

    I don’t even have to read your full article. I must say the abuse I’ve got from Shluchim over the years I would never support any.

    • Innerperspective

      Trust me, you don’t want Shluchim not helping others (or you) because of the abuse they take.
      If you want to go that route they should have quit before they started

      And ‘Done with Shluchim’, no one needs you with that kind of attitude.

  • Gershon marasow

    Thank you very much to all the shluchim that did and do continuesly care for us and all our gashmiusdike and ruchniusdike needs and FEELINGS.

  • Don't be neive

    I have been messed over by wealthy big mouthed Shluchim. They are just like any other business men. Make contracts… Deposits etc.
    Theirs no “holiness” these days by Shluchim. Very rare to find. It’s a business just like any other. If you are voulentering then do your research ask the guy for references of other bocherim that went there
    if you dont do this then it’s all your fault and you must be neive

  • Parent

    Agree.
    I think this idea applies as well in regards to yeshivos. My kids that learnt in Mesivta/ Zal in the passed told me that all the food they have been given for breakfast lunch and dinner isn’t the standard and especially when coming to lunch the yeshiva just gives things like bread pasta pizza zero protein and very unhealthy. In regards to accommodation they get placed in rooms with a few bochurim and are very cramped containing very little place to put their clothing and the hanholo gashmi sometimes during the winter doesn’t turn on the heater I think it needs to be changed once and for all.

  • yanki

    Yup yup yup. Written with honesty and respect. Well balanced. Been there done that.

    A current shliach.

  • I don't get it!

    What a disgrace. Why in the world would you publish this? There is NO justification for this. The Shluchim have a place where they can be told people’s feelings. CROWN HEIGHTS is NOT the place for this. PLEASE be a man and a Mentch, and take it down immediately.

    • Shliach

      As a Shliach, I welcome this thought-provoking, as well as sensitively written public post. This type of letter puts an important subject in the public eye. As in any employment, if you can’t provide the basic needs to those to whom you have a duty of care, don’t create that responsibility for yourself = don’t bring them out to you. Shluchim absolutely do have a duty of care to Bochurim or young women who assist in their Shlichus. The writer makes his point respectfully but clearly. He deserves a Yasher Koach!

    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry, you are so wrong, and so is ‘Chaim’ and so is ‘hater’! This needs to be published in EVERY CHABAD PUBLICATION!! Including in HEBREW!!!! I am a mother of chassidishe good bochurim who have gone to various places on merkos Shlichus for different yomim toivim. Wanting to help shluchim around the world carry out our holy Rebbes work! Many times they have been well treated. Bh respectfully etc. But last year my son went on merkos Shlichus half way across the world and the way he was treated was sub human!!!! For the full week before pessach (that is when the shaliach asked them to come,) all they were served were those msg ridden cups of soup!!! Three times a day! Is that food?????They were made to scrub the kitchen from
      Ceiling to floor (there was more dirt than chomets) while a maid went about the menial jobs in the rest of the house. When they wanted to make something to eat in the kitchen the shlucha did not let. They peeled from
      Morning to night, the shalach didn’t let them leave before midnight. Then they had to show up Early morning to learn chassiduss with the Shaliachs kids etc.. My son got so run down that by the end of the first Seder he was burning with fever. The shaliach said he is being lazy when he said he felt shvach! It was the worst experience for my son ever! These bochurim are people’s kids! They have a mother and a father! Obviously (hopefully) this was a yotser min haklal. My children were never treated this way, but reading this respectful articulate article it brought it all back to me. If I could have flown over the seas Erev pessach last year, I would have brought my son home!! Please, take care Of our children like You want someone to take Of yours! Written with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart!

  • Why Anonymously

    I am sorry, but this need not be a public letter, rather let the young man send it to the rabbi to whom this pertains – with his name attached at the bottom.

  • well written

    where did this bochur learn his English? pretty good writing style for a graduate of TTL :)

  • Disappointed Grand mother

    Sadly very true !!!!!!
    Our precious children are mistreated , poorly housed,
    not feed, lack of respect, used & unvalued. In addition
    to Flying them in the cheapest & longest & unsafe flights worldwide.
    WHAT A SHAME !!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    all shluchim should learn from him how to treat bochurim. like roayal visitors

  • Flatbush

    How widespread is this ill of bochrim?

    Also, why don’t the bochrim check out the treatment to expect from someone else who has already been to the place?

    It’s a tremendous mitzvah and fulfillment of the Rebbe’s shlichus to volunteer as shluchim. However, that is no excuse for ill treatment.

  • touchesoncouch

    very poorly written and repetitive. As an aside, I have had many bochurim work for me and A LOT of them could of used a new education in mentchlichkeit and proper values.

    • Chaim

      #1. It depends what yeshiva. The yeshiva i went to had great food.

      #2. Had your child been home, what would he have for breakfast and lunch, cereal and milk? The only full meal would be supper (unless he could take care of himself for breakfast and lunch).

    • You aragant sheliach

      And that’s why you are a sheliach cuz u took it apone yourself to teach people! U aragant sheliach! Oh you are only there for “your people” $$$ you know what? The young bocherim see right threw you and come back and tell us all about your fakenes

    • Innerperspective

      And I hope nonetheless you treated them with respect because although they shouldn’t have acted like that, we were once all not polished, and I am forever grateful for anyone that helped polish me.
      And one great way of teaching someone is by living by example.

    • Are you kidding?

      Are you kidding?! Did you read the same article I did? It was exceptionally well written, not repetitive, very respectful and quite impressive. I can’t really believe a bochur from one of our yeshivas can write so well…I wonder if he had a professional write it.
      On the other hand, the majority of responses are inane, illogical and badly written.

    • Anonymous

      The shluchim who need to hear this sadly will be the ones to dismiss this op-ed as unreasonable. (like touchesoncouch)
      Anyone who treats others with such insensitivity will not see themselves in the description above.

  • Andrea Schonberger

    Bravo and Here, Here! I’ve seen many people treat the help, whether volunteered or hired, badly. I treat help with respect and dignity and throw in a tip and offer a snack to tide them over. Once our entire building was being painted on the outside and the painters ended up using my bathroom as no other owner would agree to let them use theirs. I don’t get attitudes like that.

  • Bochur from Montreal

    I would like to give a shout out to shliach by whom I was by for a Yom Tov- he truly exemplifies the very points brought up in this op-ed.

    Thanks, and Hatzlacha Rabba on your shlichus!

  • to # 2

    The article is written with respect and is very mentchlich
    your comments are totally out of hand and place advisable you re read the article and me mekabel es hoemes memi sheomro!

  • Chaim Hershkop

    As I started to read this I thought, when I’m done I’ll write a comment about learning the laws of a having and treating a slave by the Rambam. I was surprised to see it a few lines down.

    Very well written, very valid points.

    We are all shiluchim and we all have to be a mentchlich. Love your fellow as you love yourself. What it hateful to you, don’t do to others. If you expect a Bachor to go above and beyond, you must do the same.

    Your mission is not only for Tom, Dick and Harry, its also (and even more so*) for Menachem Mendel, Shneur Zalman and Moshie.

    *The Alter Rebbe said: The mitzva of ahavat yisrael extends to anyone born into the people of Israel, even if you have never met him. How much more so does it extend to every member – man or woman of the Jewish community where you live, who belongs to your own community. (Hayom Yom)

  • job

    22 years ago as a naive bochur i helped a shaliach..drove all night an illegal car. In the morning he shipped me back to the yeshiava without a dime or a thank you. I will never allow my children to “work” for a shaliach….I never support them since then….

    • Ezra

      One has to ask: does the same apply to other groups, tarring all of them with the same brush because of the actions of one? Would you say that someone who was ripped off by a Jew therefore has good reason to boycott all Jews? If not, then what’s the difference between that and your saying that you would never support any shliach?

  • Moshe

    When i was a bochur in FL we drove 5 hours to a shliach and arrived at 1 am. The shliach and shlucha were sleeping already but there was a note on the door detailing everything from sleeping to eating to all. At the end of the letter it said, theres hot food in the oven. What a delight, we opened the oven and there was tasty beef we all enjoyed before hitting the sack!

  • housing bochurim

    Thank you for reminding us of basic respect and gratitude
    Now next time you and the other temimim stay at o u r home please throw out your food wrappers, beer cans, cigarette butts, flush the toilet and turn off lights…..

    • Chaim H.

      Why don’t you try telling this to the boys straight to their faces in a nice compassionate manner.

      You have to have in mind, these are young men who have never been out to the real world. When they are at home, their parents do everything (cleam, food etc…) for them. In yeshiva it’s even more so (I would hooe so). In yeshiva there are people that clean.

      So instead of getting upset, why not teach and be a good example. Remember, your the experienced adult in the room.

      Also, practically speaking, its your house, your chabad house etc… you make the rules. If you don’t want lads that drink beer or whatever, make that clear beforehand or upon their arrival.

      It’s a two way street.

  • anoymous not to embaress the schlucha

    This is a great article same applies to girls going on schlichus .my daughter had a terrible time made to eat away from the family .etc i shall say no more the point im making people on schlichus need to treat there helpers like there own children .the ones that dont cause the girls/ boys a lot of long lasting damages its a privalige to go on schluchus so be a mentch and treat the helpers the same.bh my boys have had good experiences

  • Cold winter

    If you are a shlump with your shirts out what do you expect tuck your shirt in your pants and look like a man

    • Tom and Harry

      #1. If Tom and Harry came in to the Chabad house looking like that, would you also treat them like this?

      What happened to a Jew is a Jew is a Jew?

      #2. This is where the Shliach can be an example to the young (perhaps naive and immature) Bochurim. This is an opportunity for the older, wiser, more experienced Shiliach (which we all are) to show the way.

      The best way to teach/educate is by way of example.

  • Some Shluchim are phenomenal

    some 10 years ago i went for r”h helping a shliach with chazanus etc, he was a relatively new shliach with one kid rented a place for the prayers since he didn’t have his own chabad house, i will always remember his kindness always friendly involving us in his discussion with his mekurovim we had great meals and private room, its not a wonder from me that he is now a very successful shliach with a big chabad house and a large family.

  • Shliach

    Pathetic article.
    There are 3,500 shluchim around the world, most are decent, mentshliche people. Some people unfortunately are not mentshlich, this applies to bochurim and shluchim.
    Writing articles doesn’t make them mentshen.

    As a shliach I have had bochurim and have always taken good care of them. I have also had bochurim that have been a major pain to deal with. Obviously, they are the exception not the rule.

  • Unmarried Men Have it Worse

    If bochurim are third class, then unmarried men in the Lubavitch community are fourth class. They are treated worst of all.

  • Yes

    Me, and a group of Bouchrim, once helped a Shliach erect a Chanukah Menorah, in the freezing cold of winter. Then the Shliach ordered a pie of pizza and asked one of the bouchrim to pick it up, and he did.

    It ended up that, the pie was just for him himself, while the starving Bochrim who worked hard helping him, watched in shock as he was enjoying his pizza alone…

    What was he thinking?! I’m sure most Shluchim are not like that!!

  • My two cents

    The issue here is one of inclusion. People need to feel that they are participating – and in their own way getting the reward and satisfaction of bringing nachas ruach to HaShem and to the Rebbe. They are not just hired help even though they are “helping” the Shliach.

    The correct attitude should be that these are “shluchim without portfolios” meaning that they are available as a temporary “Shliach” for someone who needs their assistance. In this vein they should be treated with the same respect as the Shluchim themselves. Indeed I have seen, in many instances, that it is these “temporary Shluchim” be they men or women, young or old, and many times children – that can achieve, in the short time that they are there, that which the “shliach” could not accomplish in many years.

    And even though one should not serve for a reward, nevertheless everyone needs to be appreciated, and treated with honor and respect.

    The main thing is the deed. Pesach is coming and virtually every Shliach needs help. Please realize that these are young impressionable people, who are giving their time and effort to bring the Geulah and in many cases are themselves, also in need of guidance. Bottom line – treat them as you would treat your own son or daughter, or better yet – yourself!

  • Don't Shoot the Messenger...

    Are you all serious? Stop reviewing this well-intentioned note with Rashi and Tosfos.

    The bocher didn’t tar all Shluchim with one brush. He was careful to acknowledge the many outstanding ones throughout the world.

    His was a simple plea for two things: (a) the demonstration of basic respect on the part of the Shliach for the time, effort and cost to the bocher of choosing to provide support and assistance (many bochrim do not seek any compensation); and, (b) that the Shliach always remember the imperative to serve as a dugmah chaya to the next generation.

    The bochur didn’t demonstrate a sense of “entitlement” and I suspect it wasn’t about the gashmius per se. BTW, he sets out his pov with great skill and an outstanding command of language.

    At a time we are all struggling to retain our youth, it isn’t too much to ask that our Shluchim practice what they preach. The protests being offered by offended Shluchim in the responses above remind one of the pithy saying: “Oifen goniff brent dos hittle”.

  • Not all shaliachs are created equal

    I grew up in an nice community and thoroughly loved it, shluchim were well off but you would never know it by the way they acted and still drove junkie cars. I always looked up to all the families there, even with issues and basic community politics, I always felt everyone really cared.
    When I got married I moved to a small town, the shluchim were all poor and it was noticeably so. There were no big fancy event, but my first few years living there I saw what true chassideshe values are all about. These shluchim not only cared about getting secular Jews in the door but cared sincerely about every single member of the community, even those in other Shuls. It was truly a beautiful experience. There was love and acceptance and most importantly they were an example of true Torah Jews, they didn’t need events to influence their surroundings. Watching them live life was enough of an inspiration.
    Fast forward a few years I live in a major city full of Jewish amenities and choices. There’s tons of events and programs, but I feel nothing. All I see is the end game which is money. Which I’ve been told straight to my face. The article struck a chord when he said watered down Judaism. I feel Chabad has become a major corporation and Chabad houses are franchises with all the same cookie cutter events. When I go through a hard time I know the shluchim here don’t have my back because I’m not one of their people. I miss small town shluchim and if it were an option if be back.

  • Even Hired Help

    Unfortunately this letter applies not only to Bochurim volunteering for Shluchim, but also to all being hired by Shluchim and camps.
    Yes it is a privilege to serve, but agreements must be respected and kept.
    Camp head staff should be honest with potential staff and not push them off until it’s too late to find another opportunity. They should also consider staff members that served with dedication in the past, before taking on new staff.

  • Shmuli z

    I don’t agree with all but many of the points here. Well written! Thank you for saying what I’ve always wanted to say

  • a friend

    when you start making money they will find your address and send you envelope for donation. i know who is NOT going to get anything from me.

  • The title is wrong

    Since there is a saying of our Sages : someone who does not have a wife is not a man

    • Anonymous

      take one mamar chazal.
      what about from bar mitzvah?
      notice he writes “people” not men

  • Former Bochur

    I’ve been all over and at least in my experience, the bad outnumbered the good. Explosive tempers, awful accommodations, and hundreds of dollars in laid-out funds that went un-reimbursed.

    The good ones I encountered were typically small-town shluchim without attractions like exotic cities, beaches, or multi-million dollar Chabad houses, but I’m not sure that there’s a connection. At the end of the day, what they had in common was they were just ehrenste shluchim who made you feel at home, the same way they would make someone in the community feel at home (and then some). They believe that chasidim ein mishpocha and show it.

  • Be prepared

    Shluchim should be aware that boys and girls talk. My kids and grandchildren always speak to the young people who went to a city in previous years. They might find themselves stuck.

  • Chosid

    This bochur wants to be a ba’al habos. He has an identity crisis. This bochur wants to be treated ba’al eh batish. If you wants to be a ba’al habos – become one. Don’t come to me as a bochur and expect to be treated like a ba’al habos. Be a BOCHUR!

    • Toshov Hashchuna

      I am not a shaliach but I think there is nothing wrong for a bochur to expect to be treated balabatish. Do unto others as you would want them to treat you.

  • Kudos to CH.info for having the courage to publish this article.

    Unlike other Chabad/crown heights websites, ch.info showed the courage to publish this article so that we can learn from our mistakes, כל הכבוד.

  • Been there done that

    We have been on all sides of the coin- as young Shluchim hosting Tmimim-wining and dining them as precious Chayolei Bais Dovid who helped with mivtzoim. Some became like sons to us, others were aloof. One group surprised us with supper including clearing up.. Others never made their beds. One group treifed up my kitchen but were kind enough to look up all pertinent halochos before they left..
    Then my kids grew up and helped other Shluchim when they could….That’s where I feel for the author of the article. Most experiences were shameful.
    Then they got married and are the host Shluchim themselves. B”H they know what not to do, and although some of the Tmimim and girls leave much to be desired in mentchlichkeit, my kids take care of them all in the best fashion.

  • Girls too

    This is not just about the bochrim it happens to girls also when the help out…feel being taken advantage of

  • Dovi

    A personal story. We were in a yeshiva in Europe and a tragedy struck and the hanhola gave the bochurim off for Chanukah. They made arrangements for us but gave us the option of finding a Shliach who needed help if we wanted something more exotic. We worked the phones and Shliach after Shliach told us they already had all the help they needed for Chanukah. Then one Shliach said he would love to have us (myself and 2 friends) join him for Chanukah. I asked him what he needed help with. He said he had all the help he needed. I asked him why he would take us out? He said, “I heard what happened in your Yeshiva. My Chabad House is open to everybody, all the more so to my own family.” He took great care of us. He was located in Switzerland, and we kept eying the alps, but were scared he would condemn us for not being Chassidish if we wanted to go. One day he heard us whispering in the car, and he called out, “Oy, you must see the alps!” He drove us to the train station himself and handed us an envelope which contained approximately $100 for each of us. These are the examples you never forget. Thank you Rabbi Pevzner.

  • Mother of bochurim

    When I read this article I wanted to cry. Because this bochur finally had the courage to speak up! This needs to published in EVERY Chabad publication and translated into HEBREW!!!!! Bochurim that go out on merkos Shlichus have Bh mothers and fathers. They are someone’s child! SHLUCHIM: TREAT THEM LIKE YOU WANT SOMEONE TO TREAT YOUR CHILDREN! Because this young bochur is learning from YOU! And your kid might end up in his Chabad house one day! My sons Bh have been all over the world on Merkos Shlichus. With a true passion for helping shluchim do the Rebbes work. I never felt they were mistreated. Last year my son left 10 days before pessach (as the shaliach requested) to the other side of the world. Him and his friend were served cup o soups three times a day. Nothing else. Not a fruit, veggie protein. They scrubbed a filthy kitchen from
    Floor to ceiling while a maid did menial jobs around the house. They were expected very early in the morning to learn chassidus with the Shaliachs children and thej made to peel on peel until midnight. The shaliach didn’t let them leave before. Weak and hungry my son called me, what should he do? I told him ask the shlucha if you can make yourself something, anything (my son cooks very well) She did not let. Saying the kitchen was already ready for pessach. (So starve for a week???) by the time the first Seder came around, where they were made to serve and were not allowed to eat until everything was over and cleaned up by them, my son was running a fever. He told the shaliach he felt sick and the shaliach made a joke that he is ‘lazy’ After yom Tov he asked my son and the second bochur for mechila for mistreating them. They never complained to him once but he knew he was wrong. His excuse was pessach is a very stressful Chag. When my son came home thin and yellow I cried. I am a shlucha. Your fellow shlucha. How could you treat my child this way? At the kinus I wanted to ask the shluch this question but didn’t have the courage. Bh I have met up with MANY wonderful shluchos at the kinus who enjoyed my children and treated them with respect and mentchlichkeit, unfortunately last pessach we learnt that it’s not like that everywhere. I will not post the place of these shluchim but heads up to all mothers, HAVE YOUR SON AS THE BOCHURIM WHO WENT TO THE PLACE THEY ARE PLANNING ON GOING TO, HOW THEY WERE TREATED LAST YEAR! So Chaim, Hater and whichever shaliach who complained about this article, this is coming from a fellow shlucha, KOL
    HAKOVOD to the bochur who wrote this letter! A kasher un Freilichen pessach!

  • Ever got Shliached?

    Thanks to some shluchim I learnt:
    • Its possible to check unlimited amount of lettuce.
    • Daily schedule’s are best prepared at 1pm
    • Yomtov meals is best when eaten while standing in the kitchen.
    • Its healthy to skip breakfast.
    • Babysitting is also mivtzoim.

    And much much more

  • I am not a farmer

    I am not a farmer even though that is what the shluchim who were guests in my house for the conversion kept `calling me “jokingly`. It was not funny. Neither was their reaction when I expressed a wish to be at the banquet. They thought I was off my rocker because after all, they were the elite and where does a farmer come to desire to enter the royal palace. Remember, this all took place in my house while I was gracious enough to host these esteemed guest. Well, they lost some of their esteem by their behaviour. I no longer welcome them or any shaliach to my house. You may think so but I am not a farmer.

    • To: I am not a farmer

      How do you know you aren’t?

      If they say you are – maybe you are.

      Besides, what is wrong with being a farmer?

      Old MacDonald

  • medic19

    I don’t know but one thing is sure this guy knows what it means to stand up for his boys

    And if needed he’s prepared to confront an empire, single handed

    If only other head staff would be even remotely like that

  • Bochurim are malochim

    Bochurim are tmimim, pure and holy, like malochim. Does a malach need feed? Is a malach megusham?

    Pirkei Avos says that even a “regular” ben Torah should sustain himself on pas b’melech and drinkj water and sleep on the floor. Kol shekain a tomim!

    Yet the bochur of the article complains even though he received MUCH more food than plain bread and water. He was not forced to sleep on the floor yet still he complains!

  • Bochurim are malochim

    I remember when…the “Shadar” Reb Bentzie Shemtov or Reb Avrohom Mayor would visit various cities. They would often sleep on the benches in the local bais medresh / shul / chabad house. Reb Bentzie would eat bread and a slice of Haolom American Cheese. That was his pas b’melach! The bench was his al ha’aretz tishon! And these were not young bochurim – they were elderly when they travelled as a Shadar. Now look at the bochurim of today as I read this article and all I can say is nebech. Nebech!

  • Trump's office

    Of course their now spoiled. Their Shepard gives them everything and even when a tomim is down there is a malach that knows how to take the wheel

  • Bochurim are NOT malochim

    How dare you lower the status of bochurim to mere malochim! “Bochurim are malochim”?! No!!! Bochurim are so much holier than malochim. A maloch is Omed (standing) while a bochur is a Mehalech (going).

  • psychiatrist

    Bochurim going to shluchim is like a shidduch. no one knows the other half until they meet,at the same time they both have the same goal to do a A SELFLESS ACT OF KINDNESS. A bochurs lifestyle and upbringing is very different for each of us and the shliach is having 32 hr days and you cant blaim either of them but the answer to this problem is for bochurim and shluchim to learn how to communicate as people and bochurim have this thing that in yeshiva everything is spoon fed to them and they dont need to do anything ….WAKE UP PART OF SHLUCHIS IS LEAVING YESHIVA AND GOING INTO THE REAL WORLD

  • Shaliach

    As a bochur I visited this place on merkos shlichus. My partner and I survived for 3 – 4 weeks on cans of tuna and matzos. Now I am here, married with children, all of us are here on shlichus. Yet when I bring our bocurim they expect to be served six course meals and fresh unlimited bread (there is no local bakery so the frozen bread is precious and limited). I give them much more than mere tuna fish, but I do not provide catered meals and sometimes the meals are leftovers from yesterday. Is that so terrible?? Maybe we should go back to meals consisting of a can of tuna and matza!