Op-Ed: Patience and Understanding Is All We Need
Yesterday, October 22nd, was National Stuttering Awareness Day. Some of you have never heard the word ‘stutter’ before, and for those of you that have, you may not know much about it. I am here to educate you all a little bit about stuttering.
First of all, no one knows exactly what causes stuttering. As well, there is no cure for stuttering. There are many different therapies, medications and devices to try and help, but there is no cure.
I would like to tell you about my experience with stuttering. When I was nine I first developed a stutter. You can only imagine what it’s like for a nine-year-old boy not to be able to say what’s on his mind. The first memory I have of stuttering was when I was in a shoe store. I was trying to tell my mother that I wanted to buy a certain pair of shoes, but I couldn’t get a word out. I left the store feeling worthless. Then came the first day of school, and you know what that means, everyone has to tell the teacher their name. For anyone that stutters they know that saying your first name is the hardest thing to say. When I was asked to say my name I had a bad block, and the whole class burst out in laughter. I later used to ask my friends to tell the teacher my name; as well I once wrote my name on a paper and held it up to the teacher.
Stuttering has become a part of my life whether I liked it or not. When growing up I had to learn how to deal with it alone. No one else in my class, nor my grade, stuttered. A half a year ago I was looking online and found the NSA (National Stuttering Association). It said on their site that there was a meeting in Queens, as well as in Brooklyn. The thought of meeting other people like me was astounding. I took down the date, and showed up to the meeting, not knowing what to expect.
I didn’t want to tell anyone because people might think I’m going to some kind of AA meeting. It turned out to be a group of the nicest people I have ever met. We joked, and talked about different things we go through as people who stutter. I walked out of the meeting a changed person. I couldn’t tell exactly what happened; I was in a different world. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. All of these people just got me 100 percent. They had gone through the same things I had. At the meeting I was told about the conference that takes place every summer. If I was happy to meet 10 people who stuttered, can you only imagine what it would be like to meet 700. I signed up for the conference that night.
Being at the conference changed me in a way I never thought possible. I was surrounded by people that knew everything about me by just saying hi. We even had a Friday night dinner for the Jews that were there. I learned at the conference to fully accept and understand my stutter. No longer was it something I hated, but merely something I had to deal with – like when someone has allergies. No longer does it bother me when I get a weird look trying to order pizza. No longer do I feel bad when I block on my name. It gave me the confidence to feel comfortable in my own shoes. I am currently taking a public speaking course, and not letting my stutter have any effect on my decisions.
Whether you are a person who stutters or not, I hope that you can all learn from my experience. Don’t let anything hold you back. You think everyone is always looking at you and judging you. Give people a chance; most people don’t care if you are a little different. When I told my class that I stuttered it was no big deal to them.
If you are a person who stutters, or know someone who stutters, please visit the NSA website. As well, if you have any questions please feel free to contact me at 347-756-2657.
Moving Article
Thank you so much for sharing. It was a very inspiring article. Much success in everything that you do.
Mendel
Dovid, thank you for writing this. I would love to attend an event like this. Was it challenging to attend these meetings and conferences while being frum (food, enviroment, etc.)?
Mendel
Well written, As someone who stutters occasionally, Here’s a tip for the rest of you, “Don’t help us finish the word”
We know what we are trying to say, We don’t need the help. Just waaaaait till we get it out.
Cheers!
good article
Patience. And a smile, a look of “I want to hear what you have to say, so I am prepared to wait” is important to make the stutterer feel at ease. No, I don’t stutter, but I try to have an understanding for those who do.
Dovid
@Mendel
Thank you for your kind words. We actually had a beautiful Friday night and Shabbat afternoon meal, the shliach provided us with all the food we needed. And you are right, don’t finish the words. Most time they get it wrong anyway lol.
Best of luck
Thanx crownheights.info
Thank you for sharing this article, it gives hope to all those out there that are suffering, nice and informative!!
Thanx crownheights.info
Thank you for sharing this article, it gives hope to all those out there that are suffering, nice and informative!!
Zepporah in Durham, NC
Dovid, your article is interesting, elegantly written, and moving. You’ve a hidden talent — writing!
David
#4 you hit the nail right on the head. the last thing we want is to stand in front of someone who has an expression of “what the heck is wrong with this person, I have so many things to do and they are wasting my time.
And to #3 Mendel – could not agree more. PLEASE don’t finish my words. I’m a grown adult, not a kid trying to learn to speak for the first time.
thank you for sharing
may you have much hatzlacha in all you do
John
From the other perspective.
I realized that the longest conversations that I had with my friend (that ‘stutters’) was when I was patient and let him finish his wording instead of just trying to finish of his sentences..
@ #11
John, you may be right, it may just be faster to finish his words. But do you ever think how that makes him feel. That he can’t finish his words. If you don’t have the patience to listen to him then you shouldn’t be his friend. Talking from experience, it may get me through a conversation when someone finished my word, but it sure doesn’t feel good.
Excellent article
Excellent article.
Anyone who stutters in the community should know that there is also a yiddish support group for people who stutter in the community. The Jewish Stuttering Associations arranges a few groups a month in a few neighborhoods. Contact them for info on there next group in brooklyn. email: Info@Jstutter.org
Yes, I go to those groups. Its Heimish, comfortable, seperate groups for male and female. Food with a good hashgacha, etc.
We are not alone
Milhouse
“Some of you have never heard the word ‘stutter’ before”
How could any English-speaker not have heard that word? It’s not exactly obscure.
David
John – ok, but it is the most valuable one you had. Not in your eyes, but in his. We don’t turn around and tell people ‘please don’t finish my words/sentence’ BUT that’s what we’re thinking.
SLP
I’m a speech therapist and would like to provide the following link for anyone who needs referrals to a therapist who specializes in stuttering: http://www.stutteringhelp.o… Although stuttering cannot be “cured”, it can definitely be helped through therapy.
B’hatzlacha!
John
I was meaning to say if I was interrupting, then the conversation would just end because I didn’t realize that it is frustrating for the other person. I’m sorry for the choice of wording in my previous comment.
R.M.H.
Dovid your the best! keep up the good work that you do!