Posted to Op-Ed on
by Anonymous

Op-Ed: Letting Ourselves Enjoy the Shluchos’ Banquet

I honestly wanted to step away from the computer and forget that I ever had strong feelings on this subject. That way, I wouldn’t have to do anything about it. The thought, however, of possibly reaching one person out there and removing the false tune of failure playing in their heart compelled me to continue.

Several trending posts on Facebook in the past 24 hours have surrounded the topic of jealousy and bitterness towards shluchim and the question: “Why are people not excited about the gala banquet?”

I heard both from a very dear friend of mine on shlichus, and another friend living in Crown Heights. At first, I patiently sympathized with my shlucha friend and tried to assure her that people don’t begrudge shluchim. Yet I wondered where her post was coming from. It had deep undertones of long time emotion woven through it. This was not a new topic. My other friend posted more assertively, condemning jealousy and wondering how anyone could harbor bitterness towards the grand banquet and attendees.

I typically do NOT like entering this type of discussion at all. What I am about to say is an observation. I do not think anyone (or at least most people) think that shluchim have anything but mesiras nefesh. I believe that there is some underlying frustration because people are taught that shlichus is the ideal and the ultimate mesiras nefesh. There are not enough shlichus positions around, and therefore many–after being taught their whole childhood/young adulthood that shlichus is the best avoda, are left frustrated. In Crown Heights there is often a tremendous struggle with income–high rent, high tuition, etc–and are left both feeling that they aren’t measuring up in avodas Hashem and to the Rebbe even though they are struggling. It doesn’t mean they think LESS of shluchim, but surely a person could pause for just a moment to contemplate a flaw in our system and realize what emotional issues it has generated. I’m not saying this as engraved in stone facts, just a valid observation after living over 10 years in Crown Heights and experiencing a few other communities as well.

I believe that those that don’t excited about the gala banquet aren’t jealous per say, but rather that the once a year “gala treatment” highlights this flaw and brings to the forefront these hidden emotions tied in with feelings of failure, not measuring up, etc etc. I have personally nothing but respect for shluchim and all they endure and the incredible work they do. But in this golus, I also have high admiration for the struggles of the non shlichus family and all they undergo and all the mitzvos they do. I just think the system needs a serious correction in this respect. It will only enhance both shlichus and those who are not on shlichus. The problem lies with putting a tiered system in place and comparing avoda. Shluchim’s avodah is incomparable. But so is the avodah of baalei batim in Crown Heights and anywhere for that matter…there is a way and a place to be inspired by each other rather than the impossible measuring stick that waits at every corner.

There is mesiras nefesh on both sides, but the mesiras nefesh of shluchim and anash are different. Each one is real, and treasured by Hashem and the Rebbe. People shouldn’t spend years suffering because they aren’t on shlichus, nor should someone end up in an undesirable and untenable shlichus position because it’s “shlichus is success and everything else is second best” drumming through their mind.

“I lost a lot of faith in the system,” a shlucha said to me, “after we were in Kollel for several years and had to settle for a difficult situation. The situation is not sustainable and the system needs help.”

Another person told me, “I had a lot of resentment for years because I felt like if I wasn’t on shlichus I was a failure. Everything I was taught was shlichus shlichus shlichus.”

The sentiments expressed online were troubling me because I felt strongly it was a festering emotional issue affecting so many in the community. It shouldn’t be that the system is driving a wedge between two brothers (for we are all family), the one on shlichus, and the one not. How could this be what the Rebbe wants, for yidden to walk around with suppressed feelings of failure? I believe it is a key factor contributing to the “off the derech” crisis sweeping through the community. After all, not everyone can or will go on shlichus but if that is the only option offered as success, it gives a bleak view of the future.

How can we change the system? By reconciling ourselves with the fact that shluchim are incredible, inspiring, and full of mesiras nefesh, and those that are not on shlichus are also incredible, inspiring, and full of mesiras nefesh.

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34 Comments

  • PRS

    Today’s HaYom Yom provides an antidote:

    “Ahava, affection, is the breath of life in the Avoda of Chassidus. It is the thread that binds chassidim to each other, that binds Rebbe to chassidim and chassidim to Rebbe. Ahava works in a direct way (initiated affection) and also in a reflective way (responding to the other’s affection). It knows no barriers and transcends the limits of time and place.”

    Chassidim are one loving dynamic family. Each with a unique role. This is our avodah, with each other and with each precious Jew; and with all of HaShem’s creations.

  • Educators

    We need to start teaching our children that chinuch and being a teacher is shlichus! And def had a lot kf measiras nefesh involved.
    As a teacher Yiu do not get a gala banquet or appreciation and recognition as shluchim do. As a teacher or mashpia you work 7 days a week!!!
    Just as on shlichus you are 24/7 in the job. TeXhing in a Mosad in crown heights is the same thing!!

    We teach and ingrained shlichus and then everyone believes they are settling by staying here! We need capable an talented shluchim here in crown heights.

    We need people that are ready to do what the rebbe wants and help OUR children.

    People need to recognize that you aren’t settling by staying in crown heights – this could be your avodah

    I believe that educators also need a banquet and more recognition and then it will become something our children look up to.

    Good luck in everyone finding there shlichus

  • Well Written!

    I respect the Sluchim & Shluchos & try to do my own little mivtzaim whenever i can……thats my Shlichus! Dont you believe in Hashem? U are where you are because Hashem wants you to b there,,,,,No need to be jealous! Like the Rebbe says You havto be B’SIMCHA!!

  • ?????

    I think part of the problem is – Shlichus has become a family oriented business. The head shliach brings in his whole family and everyone else is left out, making shlichus all the harder to get to. The next problem is that if you are a small time Shliach with no massive Chabad house…who notices you??? You are made to feel small and insignificant. You sit among all these big time shluchim/shluchos with a great amount of rich Balabatim…who are you? That is to say nothing of the people that are not on official shlichus and sometimes accomplish more then the official shulchim. Really shlichus is not how big is your Chabad house, it’s how many people have you actually made frum. Today it’s about money and prestige. I don’t think this is what the Rebbe wanted when he sent people away.

    • Important corrections

      B”H

      As someone who originally came to take on more Yiddishkeit through the Chabad House experience, and who has now been living the Crown Heights life for over 13 years, I have to correct one thing you said:

      “Really shlichus is not how big is your Chabad house, it’s how many people have you actually made frum.”

      1) A shliach and/or shluchah does amazing, awe inspiring work, but it isn’t that they “actually made frum” anyone. That act of becoming frum is the individual’s choice. This kind of talk, about “how many people have you actually made frum” is the way Litvishers talk, not how we Lubavitchers talk; this is not what our Rebbe is all about.

      2) The goal is to influence a Jew to do “one more mitzvah,” one mitzvah at a time, not necessarily to “make frum” anyone.
      Chabad has many friends who are not and probably will never be frum, but they are precious to Hashem and precious to the Rebbe. (And I’m not only talking about wealthy non-frum Yidden who are friends of Chabad, either!) The shliach and shluchah have not failed if this or that person was not “actually made frum.”

      Other than that, though, your post is great.

  • AGREED

    Some people think if you’re not on shlichus then what are you? I think it’s a disgusting disgrace and people have to understand that people not on shlichus support people who are and the shlichums kids are being taught by not on shlichus “people”
    Makes me sick all this shlichus talk and business.

  • Citizen Berel

    Need to stop babbling. We need to teach service of G-d and connection to the Rebbe and that’s it. There is no more wide spread opportunity for shlichus in the conventional sense than there is wide spread employment opportunity in the conventional sense.

    There are no solutions to the systemic issues affecting every area of employment, and the solution really is Moshiach and an new (but natural) world order.

    Moisde Chinuch don’t need to speak at all to what one does after marriage. Need to go back to basics. Avoidas Hashem. If you’re are zoiche to work as a cli koidesh than ashreicha, if not then make your kevius Torah.

  • A shlucha

    I’m a shlucha and I feel the same way! Just for the record, the banquet has lost so much if its varmkeit in its ‘professionalism’. I feel that my shlichus- even though it’s ‘official’- is nothing compared to people shlepping in hundreds of people for every event, people with classes on a regular basis, etc. My new self-help program entitled “Call of the Shlucha” focuses on accepting ourselves for what we do, allowing ourselves to feel proud of our own accomplishments and recognizing that the Rebbe’s vision for Lubavitch does not just include people with badges.

  • Anonymous

    is it only about places or is it also about ability not everybody can raise a family anywhere from nothing.

    just a thought

  • to no. 2

    who are you? having a hard time finding shidduchim for my children because they are into chinuch which i am proud of.
    who will teach our children if everyone is of to shlichus? maybe we should get together:)
    i definitely am in awe of all those young girls and bochurim who envision their lives on shlichus bsince beginnings are so so difficult.. Hats of to all those shluchim whom it took years to find a baaale boss and finally had an easier time putting bread on the table, yes kol hakovod!!
    only one crticism – if mechanchim all over the world are considered shluchim so be it for mechanchim in new york//crown heights. yes, they too need a big big boost and kovod etc.

  • wondering

    Why are you considered a shlucha if you teach in an out-of-town school but not if you teach in Crown Heights? If the teachers in Crown Heights were recognized as shluchim, perhaps they would reach out more to the children and their families trying to see and relate to the whole story. They would certainly receive more honor and respect.
    I personally feel very inspired but also like a nothing after watching the banquet on-line. I realize that the whole point of shlichus is getting Jews to live a Jewish life so why shouldn’t I just feel wonderful to be living a Jewish life, raising a Jewish family, and giving to the community in my small way? I think that life in general requires a lot of mesiros nefesh on everyone’s part be it shlichus or not. So many people I know are stretched to the nth degree. There are more Jews in need in some way (spiritually,physically, emotionally, financially, mentally) on my block in Crown Heights than there are Jews in some of the communities where shluchim have set up shop. There are always opportunities to bring life to Jews wherever you are.

  • new shlichus

    Now everything qualifies as shlichus from the camp cook to the grocery shopper for a school. And their wives who have regular jobs are called shluchos because of their husband’s job. Ridiculous, sitting at the shluchos banquet. The rebbeim in our out of town school are official shluchim, but they are really just klei kodesh, like my husband who is also klei kodesh, but he and therefore I are not called shluchim.
    The shluchim I know are a blend of unbelievably dedicated and never ending hard working. There is though a lot of arrogance as well.

  • Sarah

    First, I am so tired of reading these Op-Eds about the so-called “system,” and how we must all change the “system” if we are to avoid serious trouble. What system is the author talking about? And why is that system leading people to “go off the derech”? And how exactly is the author proposing to change the “system”? I feel that I should remind the author that Crown Heights is a community, and not a country with a government that can make laws to change people’s lives.
    Second, I lived in Crown Heights my whole life (went through “the system,” as the anonymous author would say) and do not feel like my life is lacking in any way just because I did not go on shlichus. The premise of this Op-Ed does not represent even half of the Crown Heights community.
    Also, it is simply ridiculous to claim that the reason people are “going off the derech” is because of this “system” in which everyone expects everyone to go on shlichus. Seriously, does crownheights.info even read the things that people send them to post?

  • This really bothers me

    I do feel lucky to be on shlichus but at the end of the day, it’s about the truth of who you are. You can be a true person in crown heights and a farce on shlichus. The Rebbe knows which one you are and tho you may not get a banquet, it’s just one night a year. How sad that wonderful crown heights women who do so much good, dedicate time to chitas shiurim etc, push themselves to host, volunteer etc feel at all inferior to shluchos. The Rebbe knows what’s what that’s all that matters.

  • Aspiring shliach

    It’s not true that there aren’t any more places for shlichus, “Yogato U’motzato” true there are no more big citys, yes Midtown Manhattan is taken, and downtown LA is full, but if go u really wanted Shlichus and you tried you will be able to move on Shlichus.
    I do not have to name places where there is a need for shluchim.
    Go and look and give yourself over totally and you’ll find.

  • sluchis?

    first of all i kind of chuckle when I see some madame shlucha in CT and someone in the Far East.Yes they all do work but please there is mesiras nefesh and real mesirash nefesh.So yes I admit I am in awe of those in faraway places vs. those who join the in-laws’ establishments, I am guilty of judging,yes.What about the doctors who live in jewish communities and often give care with little pay in return or the prof. who often give free consultations?no one even blinks an eye at them.or the donors who keep the shul alive.why is it only teachers who have merit?the problem with the system is the “tunnel vision”and not seeing a thing outside the box.

  • devora immerman

    i think it would go a long way to fixing this situation if the shluchas who come from all over would have a casual evening with the women of crown heights and got enormous chizzuk from each other come on crown heights these laddies can inspire us to be shluchos wherever we are i know im not anyone important but i feel that all the ladies here and around the world can make wonders and inspiration happen

  • great article!

    Thanks for this great article. Well written, well said, great point.
    I appreciate that you did not speak negatively about the “system,” the shluchos, or the community, I agree as well the “system” can use some tweaking in this respect – that children shouldn’t be taught to feel bad if they don’t want to / don’t find / aren’t successful, in shlichus. I sincerely hope that the work toward improving our school system comes to be as a result of this great article.

  • CH mom

    I appreciate the Shluchim, and don’t feel jealous, but it really does feel like a mentality that is “us and them.” Like its the Shluchim, and then just the regular Jews. Which, by the way, people can really sense that kind of attitude. Really every Jew, no matter how far away from Yiddishkeit, is, or has the potential to be a Shliach of the Abeishter. Thank you for listening to my opinion!

    • CA mom in big community

      I agree with you 100%. I’m BT. No matter how much time passed, how much was done on our part – the separation is very clear. It hurts. When you’re rich you have more chances to be welcomed into inner circle. Everybody else is welcomed but to some extant only.

  • mottel

    1. Anonymous writing does nothing for anybody.

    2. The article could have been skipped, and it could have simply said “Shlichus: Please post your opinion in the comments”

    3. Any negative comment about shlichus means: you didn’t speak to your mashpia before commenting; you don’t have/use your mashpia; you don’t appreciate the Rebbe’s directives; it’s no surprise you can comment negatively about the Rebbe and the Rebbe’s shlichus.

    Get a mashpia and find out what the role of someone who isn’t “out on shlichus” is, and do your job, we’ll all do our jobs, and Moshiach will come!

  • disagree

    I am not on shlichus and I don’t feel left out or less important. I live in CH and am involved in great organization in CH that helps thousands of people yearly. At times I struggle to keep up financially but at no point do I feel less important than a shliach. I look at the cheesed organization I’m part of as my shlichus.

  • true success

    this article sounds like it’s coming from a negative place. shluchim that are successful worked hard to get there just as business men/women who are successful. you are what you make of yourself. if you feel good about whatever it is you are doing then you will feel good no matter what it is. stop blaming the system on shluchim’s success. they are a true inspiration to those that want to succeed in wherever one may want to go in life.

  • larry

    I cant belive there are people who are jealous of the banquet they must have BIG issues

  • how sad .. when did it all become competitive

    Chassidim Ein Mishpacha!!
    that’s what we are – even if we have deviated from this philosophy somewhat the bottom line
    we are Ein Mishpacha!!!!
    If we remember this there will be no need for the long discussions, frustrations and disappointments.

  • Chassidim are one loving dynamic family

    “Chassidim are one loving dynamic family”

    Really?
    (Is that before you take your happy pills or after)
    I don’t know what planet you’re living on, but please post it here with the directions to get there.
    I must be living in the wrong neighborhood !

  • Not all Shluchim/ Shluchos are created equal

    Some are fantastic some are not. Usually the ones who are not are the ones who consider themselves above other Jewish people.

  • Random thoughs

    Many valid points have been raised here. Has schluchos has become Chabad’s equivalent of “my son the doctor” even if he would be better suited for something else? I have had the privilege of knowing some of the Rebbe’s original Schluchim and Schluchos. They radiated Chassidus, devotion to the Rebbe, and ahavas yisroel and inspired all who came in contact with them. Schluchos was once bestowed upon only those who were suited for it. Today shluchos as the best path for a young person is promoted without considering the qualities of menchlikeit , high level of Chassidic knowledge and practice required.
    It seems that that many of today’s Schluchim have a gung-ho we’re-the-best camp attitude rather than the serious approach of earlier generations. They believe that numbers of attendees, uniqueness of events, amount of classes given, etc. equal success.
    In CH and in large and small communities everywhere all lamplighters are important be they schluchim, educators or bali batim, have yichus or not, give millions or pennies.
    The criticism of the convention is too focused on the glitter without enough attention to the fact that it is a business convention and the grand banquet is a celebration for the workers.

  • What's up with that?

    What is the deal with keeping it in the family to the point that others lose the chance to go on Shlichus? Is this true? How does it work? Is it nepotism, or is this an accepted procedure? You know, contrary to what some might think, sometimes the “system” does have room for improvement. Not too many things in this world are perfect. Most of us know that, so what could be so bad about taking a look at a few situations to see how they can be improved. We have to listen to those who have real concerns, not just to those who agree with what we already have.

  • YMSP

    The Rebbe also said that everyone is a Shliach of the Rebbe (not only a Shliach of the Aibershter, as the Rebbe said so many times).
    http://www.chabad.org/therebbe/livingtorah/player_cdo/aid/574990/jewish/The-Shlichus-Needs-You.htm

    If you live your life in the way the Rebbe wants and do what the Rebbe wants from you personally, in your situation – you’re his shliach. Want to make that a greater part of your life? The Rebbe wants that too, each in the way they should with all strength.

  • number 15 - you got it

    something tells me people are too picky to go on shlichus and that is why they feel inferior. there is no reason to feel inferior if you have tried to go on shlichus but were unable to due to matters beyond your control. if you consider yourself a chossid, you try and try and try to go on shlichus – there’s no two ways about it. people have got to stop trying to justify their laziness with “our avodah has as much mesirus nefesh as that of the shluchim” UNLESS you have made a sincere effort to go on shlichus.