by Zalman Zezmer

Op-Ed: My Wonder Full Experience

I’m wide awake, but I know the route so well I may as well still be sleeping. I walk quickly, I’m a bochur, no one walks faster. My lips murmur what I remember by heart, anything to save a few minutes. I try not to look around and see what I should not.

As I walk I wonder, what will today be like at my destination? Will my visit be short or long? Will I get a coveted aisle seat? Any seat at all? Will I meet an old friend?

I’m getting close, someone sticks out their hand while I wonder if money is the last of their problems. I try maneuvering around people standing about as I near the entrance.

I’m in.

I quickly adjust to the thick air and smell of melting wax. I recognize many faces but there’s no time, most will be lucky to get just a nod. I make my way to a seat, too late, it’s gone. I’ll have to find another. I try to ignore the feelings of claustrophobia as I settle down. A fellow native mentions something to me in Hebrew, I answer without bothering to correct him. Hebrew rules here. I gaze towards the front, the light is on. I can’t help but feel happy as I’m reminded of the mountain top torches used to signal celebration years ago. I wonder if they compare in their struggle to stay accurate.

We’re starting, I strain to hear the Chazzan, the singing nearby doesn’t make it any easier. I glance at my bench mate, will we get along or will I stand with my knees bent? Something is poking my back, but it’s as if I’m immune. I try to focus and remember where I am. Someone is shouting in the distance but I don’t hear. Out of the corner of my eye I see a friend struggling with his new tallis. I’m happy for him and can’t help but wonder when that will be me. The sounds of a ringtone pierce the ear, it’s left uninterrupted.

I notice the crowd has gotten bigger as I try to catch up. Suddenly my hat is knocked off, I expect no apology and none is forthcoming. Yet I feel at home, I’m amongst my brothers and realize you can’t choose family. I try not to judge. I pull out my phone, only to be left wondering what made me do that. A loud conversation plays out behind me as I wonder if they realize their surroundings. Brochures and publications are all over, each grappling for my attention. The behavior of some nearby give me passing inspiration, especially from the young. Someone shows me a certificate, does it look like I work for a living? I wonder.

The crowd slowly starts to disperse, I myself grow impatient from the onslaught of kaddeishim as I wonder if somewhere there is a soul that’s appreciating it. It dawns on me that although I’ve said the words my thoughts were elsewhere. I’m left wondering why the devotion that once was is today hard to find. I need to get out, I’ll finish tehillim at home I decide. I wrap it up, climb over a few people and head straight for the door. I give a fleeting look at the farbiesen table, the table I like to think of as an alter people bring their gifts to in the spirit of “thou shall not leave any of it over”.

I open the door, a wave of second hand smoke makes me cringe as I distance myself from the building some stay away from. But I know I’ll be back tomorrow, back to the place where I spiritually feel the Rebbe’s presence, where I feel from on High my dear Rebbe is giving me encouragement to do what I know is right.

13 Comments

  • a

    its not clear what you are trying to say. but i am gonna say this : 770 is a very special place but its not everything. chabad is to be in the world but not of it. ur life does not have to be 770

    • yeah right

      So are you trying to start a support group for everyone who feels left out or otherwise underappreciated? Sorry but I don’t buy the whole “just trying to help people relate” shtick. What you’re doing is actually hurting the same lonely people you claim to want to help by “relating” to them in a frustrated, aimless tone. If you truly want to empower people, you’d take a page from the Rebbe and help them reveal their strengths instead of seeking company for your own misery.

      BTW, the world owes you nothing. The quicker you internalize this the happier you’ll be.

  • CHLEAKS.COM

    “But I know I’ll be back tomorrow, back to the place where I spiritually feel the Rebbe’s presence, where I feel from on High my dear Rebbe is giving me encouragement to do what I know is right.”

    Had the Rebbe zt”l been alive today, he would not be coming to downstairs 770 (the basement) in the condition it’s in now. There were times when the Rebbe threaten not to come downstairs if certain conditions weren’t corrected. So is the Rebbe in (downstairs) 770 today? No he isn’t. Had he been alive, the Meshichistim would have thrown him out.

    I (and many in my family and community) haven’t been in downstairs 770 for over 5 years (some even more) and I/we are not missing anything. When I give a tour to my children, it is only upstairs 770.

    If 770 is the place you “spiritually feel the Rebbe’s presence” etc… then how can you stand by silence when there are those who are embarrassing the Rebbe? How do you stand by silence when there are those doing acts of violence near the Rebbe?
    How do you let people make a mockary out of the
    Rebbe you feel so close, without making protest?

    How do you stand by silence when Mossrim who testified against innocnet Jews with the intention to Jail them for 15+ years, get an Aliya to the Torah and stand in the same place the Rebbe stood to receive an Aliya?

    How do let all these things take place in front of the Rebbe without protest?

    • nos

      the rebbe would not have kicked the mishichisten out just look at the videos of nun-gimmel he would have protested about the hooliganism in 770 the rebbes approach is to bring people close not to throw them away

  • To All Commentators

    Before you share with us your negative remark remember that this op-ed is not intended to express an opinion or complain, only to be an interesting read and something people can relate to

    The Author

    • Hippo Critter

      An op-ed that doesn’t contain an opinion? Isn’t that like peanut butter without peanuts? Nebach, what passes for truth today would make the Rebbe vomit.

  • To All Commentators

    In conclusion, the next time you see the author in 770 please make sure to respectfully accomodate his needs including but not limited to: opening all doors for his holy body to pass through, making sure he has ample space to daven, being extra careful not to bump his hat, interest him in no less than 3 shidduch possibilities each day… and most importantly, don’t ever blow smoke in his face even though he’ll spend the day blowing smoke in yours.

  • sholom the short shliach of massachusets

    come on, i actually find this very meaningful in many ways. This is a real life potrayal of one of the holies places of the world and the author allows us to share his daily struggle of piercing through the chitzoniyus, which ain’t easy

  • Wow

    Extremely inspiring. thank you so much. Very touching and well-written. Perhaps ch.info isnt the best place for this- seems like ppl here just cant fathom how to appreciate what we have.

  • I really appreciate this

    Beautiful article, well put, well-written, not sure people here understand.