Op-Ed: Burying Our Differences

Recently I had the z’chus to attend a bar mitzvah out-of-town in the U.S.A. Shluchim made it for their son. And while there I witnessed something so beautiful, and sadly, so rare. Let me tell you about it.

I’ll call the Shliach who made the bar mitzvah Shliach A and his friend, Shliach B. Shliach B came, of course, Shabbos to Shul to celebrate the bar mitzvah. The boy lained, and spoke, and then came the grand Kiddush. As a gesture of closeness with his buddy, Shliach A, Shliach B took L’Chaim a few times and got the whole crowd, most of whom were not frum, to singing and dancing.

Then in a very funny moment, Shliach B slapped his forehead and got up quickly to leave, remembering suddenly that he had three things which were about to take place in his house that afternoon: a children’s Shabbos party, a men’s learning class, and one more thing which he couldn’t remember, but he was sure it would come to him.

So he left. And five minutes later, he came back. It was cold and snowing out. He marched in, red-nosed, stamped the snow off his shoes, and grabbed Shliach A and pulled him away from the table. And the two Shluchim danced one more dance together, leibedik, freilach, hartsik (lively, joyous, heartfelt). Nobody who witnessed that dance remained dry-eyed. It was so beautiful. And then Shliach B ran home, in a rush.

Shliach A’s father was standing next to me and we watched that dance together. And his father, the zaide of the bar mitzvah boy, said to me: “If all of us Lubavitchers would be like those two, we wouldn’t be having all the tsoros we’re having.”

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

“I mean… do you know that these two men, both past 40 years old and with established opinions and world views, totally disagree on some very important issues?”

I thought I must have misunderstood. “They disagree?”

“Yes, most definitely. They are diametrically opposed on many issues of vital importance to Lubavitch today. They each feel that THEIR own solution to the problems we are facing is the only valid one and that their counterpart just doesn’t understand. However, they have not allowed their differences to affect their personal lives and friendship which they value so highly. And do you know what else?”

“What?”

“Last week, I asked my son why he didn’t say something I know he believes, in answer to a question someone asked in Shul. He had answered the question that was put to him very ‘pareve,’ sort of non-committal. Later, I asked him why and he said, ‘Shliach B was there. And I didn’t want to say something that would upset him.’

“That’s Ahavas Yisroel the way the Rebbe wanted it. The Rebbe spoke about the students of Rabbi Akiva. They were all talmidei chachomim. Many were actually tzadikim. And yet, because they could not show tolerance and respect for each other’s way of looking at things… they all died.”

Need I list for you the tragedies that Lubavitch has suffered, is still suffering? Over the past year alone, the number of families ripped apart by untimely losses is unspeakable. I don’t want to mention names. It hurts too much to see them all in print. But so many were in their 20s, 30s…

Why is this happening? Is it because we can’t show tolerance and respect for each other’s

point of view? It is because some of us are trying to ram sincerely held opinions and beliefs down other people’s throats? Is it because in honest debate some of us are “fighting dirty”?

Maybe not- but maybe yes! What if it is yes? What if the whole reason for these tragedies which continue unabated, Hashem have mercy on us, is the intolerance and disrespect we’re showing each other?

Then we have blood on our hands. We have the tears of orphaned children on our hands. As someone said (I don’t know who), “let’s bury our differences… not our loved ones.”

This article by R.L. Arzi appeared in the December 1995 N’shei Chabad Newsletter, and was reprinted with permission.