Unfortunately, the gambling problem has reached our communities, too. It’s one of those problems that were once viewed as “this doesn’t happen to us,” yet my staff and I meet with an average of two people each month that are dealing with a gambling problem.
People are willing to take the risk of the gamble because the rush of the win makes this seemingly innocuous habit addictive. One win makes you feel you want to keep on trying. This is what keeps gambling casinos and the stock market in business.
Continued in the Extended Article.
Op-Ed: The Community Gambler
The number of calls to the hotline set up to help gamblers who risk their money went up 45%, according to a recent report. Being that only a small part of any community is compulsive gamblers, why should this report concern the average person in our community? Every businessman knows that without risk it’s difficult to make a profit. Additionally, the drive to make money is quite normal.
Unfortunately, the gambling problem has reached our communities, too. It’s one of those problems that were once viewed as “this doesn’t happen to us,” yet my staff and I meet with an average of two people each month that are dealing with a gambling problem.
People are willing to take the risk of the gamble because the rush of the win makes this seemingly innocuous habit addictive. One win makes you feel you want to keep on trying. This is what keeps gambling casinos and the stock market in business.
Continued in the Extended Article.
A gambler is someone takes risks, always hoping that his big break is just around the corner. The slippery slope of gambling is quite attractive and like many other addictions, the gambling addiction doesn’t seem quite so sticky when first approached.
An additional problem is that since gambling at machines and tables get all the negative attention the gamble of the financial risk in the stock market somehow seems ‘kosher.’
However, unless someone invests in the market with a professional, putting money in a stock investment is an inadvisable risk. If a businessman wanted to buy a business for investment, he wouldn’t buy it on one person’s say-so, he would do intense research of his own. Why is it that when to it comes to stocks, people are willing to invest their hard earned money on a solitary tip from an almost unknown ‘tipster’?
My brother-in-law told me that there was a ‘hot tip’ passed around in his out of town Shul by a wealthy and respectable man who made money in the market. People in our community invested a tremendous amount of their money/savings simply on his say so. Three weeks later the people in the community alone lost more than two million dollars collectively. A risk is a risk under any guise.
The ads for the stock market have a disclaimer stating that people who invest in the stock market or in commodities should only invest what they can afford to lose – and what won’t affect their lifestyle if they lose it.
This disclaimer tells us two things. The first thing it tells us is that some people invest money they need to live on. And secondly, that investing in the market is a gamble- with the possibility of losing the entire investment.
In a conventional business deal if you buy something you can always sell it- even at a loss. Even though an investment in the stock market is a risk, many investors, motivated by greed, take ridiculous chances with their money. They hear of others who invested and made millions and they are looking for the same success.
While it’s true that some people make money in the market it’s generally those people who invest wisely rather than those who are taking a gamble to get rich quick.
My grandfather often told me that when he was looking to invest money in the stock market, he was told he works too hard for his money to jeopardize it in such a risky investment as the stock market.
In the Mishna and Gemora of Sanhedrin 24b it states that mesacheik b’kuvya, which is a gambler, is Possul L’eidus, he cannot be a witness. The question is asked why. And commentaries explain that it is because Gambling is a form of Gezeila/thievery.
A boy I know, who was actually too young to gamble, went to the race track with an adult and decided to try his luck with the horses. Unfortunately, the first time he put down $10.00 he won $300.00. This was the kiss of death for him. He was convinced that every time he went to play it would be a win. Days later, after he used up that money, and looking for that rush of the win, he found himself thinking about how he could steal money and get away from school without anyone noticing so that he could win again.
There are two types of gambling addicts. One addict is a compulsive gambler. He gambles away the milk and bread money and can’t pay his utility bills. He usually ends up stealing from everyone he knows in order to support his addiction.
A man recently sat in my office, almost in tears, and explained to me how his dream of owning a house went down the drain. His wife’s sister, who knew they had the house money set aside, asked if she could borrow a sizeable chunk of the money for a few days as a bridge loan. She said she was expecting money to come in from somewhere in a couple of days and she would then pay them back. Well, the money she was expecting was from gambling. And she gambled their house away.
The other kind of gambler is a functioning addict. He has money to spare, uses gambling as his recreation, and he never spends more than he can afford. Nonetheless, because he is connected to the gamble, the addiction is there and in the end the gambler loses even when he wins.
A couple went to Atlantic City for their anniversary to play slots. They budgeted a certain amount of money for their trip and didn’t spend more than they planned. As luck would have it, they won enough money to fix up their kitchen. They know that the likelihood of winning so big again is one in a million, yet they still go back again every year hoping for just that. They admit that in the end the establishment wins. They now realize that had they taken a loan to fix the kitchen, they would have paid off their loan and put money away for savings.
In what has been brought to my attention as the newest form of gambling, there are rooms in Manhattan where respectable businessman meet in executive boardrooms for games of cards. It is a high stake game and extremely addictive. And though we’re talking about successful business people and the action takes place at fancy, shining tables with powerful men in suits it is still gambling with all its negative implications.
Ultimately, just like the alcoholic is not necessarily always drunk, but rather connected to his drink, the gambler is not necessarily always financially dysfunctional. A person who takes foolish financial risk because he is looking for the rush of the win is just as addicted as the gambler at the table.
If we recognize that the odds are stacked against us and that investing in something as unstable as stocks is a gamble, we are already ahead of the game. Additionally, if we wouldn’t cover over the gamble with the legitimacy of calling it business, we can protect ourselves from greedy investments that only lead to loss.
The most important thing for us to realize is that if we recognize any of the signs of gambling in our behavior or that of our loved ones, we should reach out for help – because it’s there.
Signs and symptoms of problem gambling
Gambling addiction is sometimes referred to as the “hidden illness” because there are no obvious physical signs or symptoms like there are in drug or alcohol addiction. Problem gamblers typically deny or minimize the problem. They also go to great lengths to hide their gambling. For example, problem gamblers often withdraw from their loved ones, sneak around, and lie about where they’ve been and what they’ve been up to.
~~~~~
Do I have a gambling problem?
You may have a gambling problem if you:
• Neglect work or family to gamble
• Gamble in secret
• Lie about how much you gamble
• Feel compelled to keep upping your bets
• Feel remorse after gambling
• Gamble until you’ve spent your last dollar
• Gamble with money you need to pay bills
• Steal, borrow, or sell things to get money for gambling
• Dream of the “big win” and what it will buy
• Gamble to escape worries
• Gamble in order to solve financial problems or win back losses
• Celebrate by gambling
While the warning signs of problem gambling can be subtle¬, there are some red flags that should put you on alert:
• Secrecy over money and finances
• New desire to control household finances
• Overdue or unpaid bills
• Unexplained loans or cash advances
• Lack of money, despite the same income and expenses
• Unusual increase in credit card activity
• Asking friends and family for money
• Missing jewelry, cash, or valuables
• Dwindling savings or assets
• Missing bank or credit card statements
• Calls or letters from bill collectors
• Unexplained cash, especially when there are unpaid bills
Taken from: http://www.helpguide.org
~~~
Gambling Help Resources:
Addiction Resource Guide
914-725-5151
www.addictionresourceguide.com
Gam Anon (For family members of Gamblers)
718-352-1671
www.gam-anon.org
Gamblers Anonymous
888-GA-HELPS
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org
Gambling Recovery Program
800-213-2304
www.jfsbuffalo.org/page3.html
J.A.C.S.
(212) 397-4197
jacs@jacsweb.org
www.jacsweb.org
National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers
717 392-8480
www.naatp.org/home.php
National Center on Addiction at Columbia University
212-841-5200
www.casacolumbia.org/templates/Home.aspx?articleid=287&zoneid=32
NCFJE
Rabbi Shea Hecht
718-735-0200
rabbishea@aol.com
www.sheahecht.com
Operation Survival
Michoel Behrman, C.S.A.C., C.P.P.
718-735-0230
Survival9@verizon.net
www.ncfje.org
NY Council on Problem Gambling
1-800-437-1611
www.nyproblemgambling.org
Shaul
hmmm, seems serious
its a huge problem
This article is long overdue. There is a serious gambling problem in Crown Heights. Private poker games are going on all night, every night. Irresponsible young fathers and husbands are losing everything they have. These young men will NOT be able to get out of it alone. They are in denial about what a big problem it is. Is there anyone of authority that can shut these places down or talk some sense to these boys? If not, the problem just won’t go away.
dtw
As big of a mitzvah that it is to lend money to another yid, it is scary to do so unless the money for repayment is coming from something that can be secured (like the deed to their house or car). People who borrow money to gamble are obviously playing with someone else’s money and figure that the only consequence is a bit of embarrassment when they explain that the money is never coming back.
Today, I think that all large loans of money should be handled by a rav, with a signed shtar and witnesses and possibly a lawyer so that no one gets burnt. Simply trusting people with money is a way to kiss your money goodbye. I doubt that people would be so quick to borrow if they knew that failure to repay had consequences.
lottery junkie
I believe another form of gambling is playing the lottery excessively, buying scratch-offs etc. anyone?
Be careful who you lend money to
We had family friends, great people who had a steady income. The husband approached my husband once and asked if he could cosign on a gemach for him since he had “yom tov expenses”. We did not hesitate, since we knew them “so well” and believe me, we are very worldly people and not niave.
Imagine our surprise a few months later when we get a call fromt he gemach that the previous check bounced. It took us a long time to contact the person who we later found out was a serious gambler and owed TONS of people money. He was drowning in debt and was in hiding from the loan sharks.
To say we were shocked was an understatement. We knew this person for years and would NEVER have guessed. Outwardly, he was happy, put together and a real mentch. The point to this comment is be very careful who you loan or cosign money to. Don’t be shy to make inquiries extensively. I would hate anyone else to be in our situation. We found ourselves paying over $1000.00 of this persons debt to the gemach, money that we did not have.
resident
I think another problem, although often less talked about is the bidding wars at shuls for aliyahs.
Yes it is a mitzvah to donate large amounts of money to shuls. However, how often does the bidding war get exciting…500, 600, 770….and the excitement is on? THe feeling of being cool and big by bidding a large number is the result. People who dont have the money will bid it anyway. They win the aliyah, and when they cant pay it makes them look bad and leave the shul out and usually in debt. How often does someone have a few lchaims and says they’re going to sponsor a huge kiddush…..and then take forever to pay for it…because they didnt have the money in the first place.
So in a sense they are gambling the shuls money with their excitement.
But yet, many just shrug this off as new big deal…..IT IS A BIG DEAL. It is also a Hillul Hashem. Just like gambling money is a problem, so is promising large sums of tzedaka that you dont have, especially if you dont try and pay it, a problem also
bruceleh
Maybe in CH they should have shiurim in this sefer:
http://www.amazon.com/Pleas…
Especially the chapters which concern gambling.
ADDICTED
Gambeling is an Addiction!
No differnt than Mashka, Drugs or Overeating! Many have traded the HIGH of Chassidus for The HIGH’s of Addiction. Perek 1 of Tanya … describes your addictions … Chapter 2 and the rest of Tanya will teach you how to become a recovering addict!
Families suffer from ADDICTS…. Not Just Alchohol .. but anger addictions, gambeling, internet addiction etc.
This is what happens when you walk out of the Camp of CLOUDS and peak into the tents of MIDYAN! No one is safe! Become a Personal Pinchus …. and KILL YOUR ADDICTIONS NOW!
Shmuli
Very important article.
It is important to note that all the chinese auctions (although they are for good causes) encourage gambling. In fact it is a form of gambling and acompulsive gambler must stay away from them.
also, it is very important to note that if one discovers that one in their family has such a problem they should try to deal with it with the means available and not just give up and quit.
I know of a few couples who are divorcing! because of this problem. In one case the women refused to participate with Gamonon or any professional help and demanded a get!
So before you place another bet or plan a trip to Atlantic City please bear in mind that it may cost your marriage and your spouse may not give you a second chance.
seenit upclose
Thank you for this important article. The stock market does provide a legal and acceptable form of gambling.I know someone who nearly lost everything, including his family, investing in high risk/high return stocks. He tried convincing everyone he knew to give him their money and he would invest it. He is by nature a nice honest guy so people believed him. It was a huge mistake. Fortunately for him he had a family that pulled him out of it with professional help. It took a long time to regain the trust of his freinds and family and even today, more than 10 years later, there are scars from his behavior. There are no happy endings when you risk what is real for pie in the sky.
poker fan
Poker is a game of skill, why do you think the same people make it to the final table of the world series of poker year after year either they are the luckiest people in the world or they have a skill. thats all.
Anti-Poker Fan
POKER FAN….. The Alchoholic says says drinking is a skill!
World Series of Poker…. oy you are soo Addicted you are defending the Yetzer Harah!
Your wife and kids could have had better attention from you …. than the Poker Table.
Chassidim? Let’s not kid ourselves… would be nice if we were just ‘frum’!
poker fan
who ever said i was married?
what i choose to do with my discretionary income is my business and my decision.
Maybe if TV’s were allowed these men would have other forms of entertainment besides listening to their wives yapping abut the latest sheitle that costs 2000+ and running to kol tuv at midnight, and maybe their gambling addictions wouldnt be destructive.
unfortunately, this community does nothing to foster any social skills and the school system is a disaster so therefor men take to the tables with the hope that maybe in this aspect of their lives they will find success and maybe just maybe they will come up with the money for their wife’s new 2000 dollar sheitle.
hatzlacha to all you gamblers
hm
I’d like to point out a reason why many of us are willing to risk so much for perceived financial gain. its because as hard as anyone works in a honest job or even a business (not all businesses are succesful) even if both husband and wife works the money you earn by working hard and honest does not cover what you need to live and I am not talking about fancy cars and homes in the country. regular everyday tuition, food, car, health clothes, weddings, b’mitzvas, shule etc expenses that are in the regular course of life can get you into debt………. its very difficult to survive – i am sure many people will agree with me from personal experiences
so when you see yourself falling so far behind in debt not from spending crazy but from living normal and when you both work hard and honest and give up so much so kids can go to camp etc you see a little glimmer of hope in the gamble , a little glimmer that perhaps this one bet or investment in the market or whatever can pull you out of your debt and you look at ploni and see he is doing well (on the outside anyway) and you ask him hey how you doing so well and he tells you he made a big bet on the market (short oil) or had a really good night in AC (you dont even need to go far from crown heights nowadays for a gamble ) so you think you will try and maybe have the same luck and the money you win will give you room to breath a little – i know this because i have been in the sick situation and i know the feeling well. meanwhile the guy who told you his source of fortune is really in gehakte tzures fun alle zeitin and should be no role model but the small glimmer of hope keeps you thinking that you could be “lucky” as well
I also like the comment above about the bidding for aliyahs in shule. sometimes guys bid big to feel big but really have no money, sometimes guys make noises about sponsoring this and that to feel big but really they don’t have any money to pay so its a big cycle, they go into debt or they dont pay shule and they gamble more to get out of it and that cycle goes round and round.
i think we need to look very closely at those in our community that have bh been blessed with real financial wealth from working hard in businesses not from a one off gamble or a one off short he took in oil futures last week that made him money and see how those people conduct their life you often dont find them showing off by bidding big in shule auctions or making a big noise to sponsor kidushim in shule …. they take a more quiet approach.
just something thats been on my mind
h
bochur
yet at the same time u must plan for the future. just putting money in a savings acct earning a max 3-4% wont provide.
cho
Oy.
My spouse also lent thousand to people who will never repay their debts. Yes, there were (unofficial) contracts and signatures, but if someone says “sorry, I don’t have the money,” there’s no where to turn.
I know that it’s a mitzvah to lend money but don’t lend money you can’t afford to lose. there are so many legitimate tzedakos that you can lend money to. Don’t give money to irresponsible people who will just throw it away.
The Jewish Economist
Anyone can read the books “Intelligent Investor” (Graham) or “Popular Delusions” (MacKay) which emphasize the concept of risk, (actually if you never want to buy shares again read the introducing chapters of ‘Security Analysis’) but I intend to add a tinge of Spirituality to the mindset.
Many are familiar with the terms “Bull” and “Bear” Markets. A Bull market is when everything favors the buyer and Bear, the seller. The key is to buy low, not only in price but also in sentiment, and sell dear.
It important to realize that these terms are not only monetary but also psychological.
One remembers that during the 70s and early 80s few had interest in money other than for putting bread on the table and making ends meet.
In contrast today, every other guy is either in Real Estate, Day Trading (which was called ‘Stock Jobbing’ in the 1700s) or running an eBay business.
“Meaning” and “Spirituality” are truly in a bear market and are deeply oversold and has value relative to the price they “sell” for.
David
bochur wrote: “yet at the same time u must plan for the future. just putting money in a savings acct earning a max 3-4% wont provide”
===
I have a fascinating idea..try it!
1) Daven and Learn like a Mentch
2) Get a education
3) that can, get you a job
4) with a 401K/IRA, and start putting away
5) Don’t live up to the next door neighbor (I think if everyone stuck by this rule, things would be MUCH easier!)
lyr
people should be aware that gambling makes you posul le-aydus (invalid to testify in jewish court)
a VERY HAPPY MARRIED MAN
to poker fan,
i could tell from ur comments that ur not married. it is so unfortuante that you think that married men are misearabel. try to understand that married people who are looking for fullfillmenta in negative places, did the SAME when they were single. its an underlying denominator. Healthy married men do not look at helping thier wives, or daipering thier children as a burden. this might sound ludicrous to you, but they actually feel a sense of love, and enjoy bieng able to help and be a part of an amazing life. (yes, sometimes its annoying, but lots of things are annoying, and you do them anywtas…does NOT meam this makes you play POKER!) I think your comment is ludicrous and unknowledgeable.
mr know oit all
There is nothing wrong with investing in the matrket. Indeed it would be agood idea for families to try to sock away a few bucks on a regular basis. Just bew realistic on what you want your money to do.
People who work on wall street, have access to Bloomberg, and to all kinds of fancy analasys programs etc. etc. are ahppy to get a 10% annualized over a longer period of time.
Just follow some basic rules, known to every investor:
1. Just invest money that you do not need for at least 3-5 years.
2. Diversify. Don’t have more than 5% of your money in any one stock. This does not apply to having all your money in a mutual fund, as they are diversified.
2. Do not listen to any ‘hot tip’. Remember the old wall street adadge “bulls make money, bears make money, pigs don’t make money.”