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Op-Ed: The Forgotten Girls

Submitted Anonymously

A few months ago I stood by the Rebbe’s Ohel and cried from the depths of my heart. I cried tears of happiness, tears of fulfillment because I was on my way to fulfilling my life long dream. In but an hour I was about to embark on shlichus. I was about to undertake the great responsibility of going on Shlichus, of joining the elite group of the Rebbe’s army.

Yes, I was scared and yes, I was nervous. I was going a long way from home, to an isolated place, with no family support but I knew that I was taking the Rebbe with me. And I thought that the people who had spent years working for the Rebbe and had given him so much would help me along the way.

Continued in the Extended Article.

Now but three months later after humiliation, abuse and belittlement I feel utterly disheartened. Why does it have to be like this? Girls give their Shluchim so much, why do shluchim treat them like little maids? Why are girls constantly being made to feel inferior? Why are girls not being fed and not being given enough money to survive? Why are they given unrealistic workloads when their shluchim can’t even be bothered to support them?

Shluchim, when you bring out girls you are not bringing out baby sitters, cleaning ladies or slaves. Yes we are happy to help you and we love to help you but there must be boundaries. Your girls are giving you of themselves 100% and all they ask for in return is decency. If you’re paying your girls, pay them on time so they don’t starve (yes I have learnt what it feels like to starve) and don’t make them beg for the money, go to them. Girls are not robots who you can work to the bone, they are not your supply teachers when you can’t be bothered to go to work and they are not shmattes simply because they are young.

Every girl who goes on shlichus is prepared to work hard. She is prepared to give up her comforts and support. Yet she is not and should not be prepared to be abused. Unfortunately I speak from experience and I am talking about my friend’s experiences as well. Girls have been accused of diabolical actions, girls have been starving, girls have been manipulated, girls have been ignored at Shaboss tables, girls have been left with nowhere to eat for shaboss and girls are being made to feel utterly miserable.

You may think I am being selfish and misunderstanding my shlucha’s position but that is not the case. No one is asking for a huge gift or to be paid top dollar. All a girl wants is a thank-you at the end of a hard day. All a girl wants is to feel appreciated and to be supported. All a girl wants is to be treated like a human being with feelings, not like a possession. Is that really asking too much?

Please shluchim don’t shrug your shoulders and turn over the page. Take a moment and think, when was the last time you really listened to your girls? When was the last time you truly showed your appreciation? Or have you been mistreating your girls without even realizing? Please remember these are little girls, girls whose insecurity levels have risen higher this year than ever before. Please remember that you are representing the Rebbe who taught Ahavas Yisrael to us time and time again. Please remember us, the forgotten girls.

This Op-Ed reflects the views of its author, it does not necessarily reflect the views of nor of its Editors.

A reader that wishes to make his or her voice heard on any topic of their desire is welcome to submit his or her Op-Ed to


  • 1. with u wrote:

    this is definitely an issue that needs to be adressed and not swept under the carpet. thank you for writing this.

  • 2. what about the boys? wrote:

    Good point. Can’t agree more.

    Just by the way. If you substitute the word “girl” with “boy”, the article would by just as true and relevant.

    As in, it’s a problem across the board.

    Not just limited to girls.

    Boys can also go hungry, and feel unappreciated.

  • 3. Concerned Mother wrote:

    This whole trend of sending out young girls on so called Shlichus, has gone totally out of control. It has put many girls in situations they should not have been to begin with. It does make things easier for the Shluchim in many ways, however it is most of the time NOT for the good of the girls. It opens up many doors to many things that they should not have to deal with. Many girls Ruchnius went way down as a result. For most Shluchim it is just easier to give them cars & not a proper structure befitting a true Bas Chabad. It is just a matter of time for trouble to step in. As much as many will find it in our days, outrageous, I definately think that Shlichus should be after marriage. Years ago it was not a common thing for young girls or bochurim to be full time on Shlichus… there is a reason for it. We cannot sacrifice our children for the ease of Shluchim, with all due respect for their important work.

  • 4. Bochur wrote:

    This doesn’t just apply to girls, it obviously applies to bochurim as well.
    A little mentchlechkeit and a thank you can go a long way, as can the lack of it.

  • 5. in agreement wrote:

    Thank you for writing about this. Unfortunately it is human to take advantage when there are no checks in place to prevent it, and obviously, this goes for both sides of any agreement.

  • 6. careless mother wrote:

    wow…so true. my daughter had a similar experience recently and actually had to leave her shlichus but she was made to feel like it was her fault. thanks for breaking the bonds of her isolation. parents think carefully, investigate thoroughly before allowing your daughter to leave on shlichus.

  • 7. dont send girls out there wrote:

    Great article

    That is why i kept my daughter home after sem

    It is way too dangerous to send oung girls out there gd knows of the unthinkable that has happened out there that parents and their daughters have to live with the rest of their lives and yes you know exactly what i am talking about

    There has to be on on central organization to make contracts on both sides to know what is expected from the girls and what the shluchim need to give and the organization should monitor these places and have on on complaint system and not make on on girl who complains feel like She is guilty

  • 8. chaya wrote:

    At the end of the day, every shliach who takes the responsibility of bringing out either girls or boys, should treat those girls and boys as they would wish to have their own children treated when far from home. These, children and yes,I say children, as they are still in a developmental stage of life and should be protected and cherished accordingly, require supervision and caring. If they are shown this proper environment and guidance, they can only grow to their full potential and be true shluchim in every sense of the word.

  • 9. a concerned bochur wrote:

    I’v commented on this problem before and was given the age-old reply, “do you know what we went through when we went on shlichus…”
    If I can be so rude as to say that I don’t care really what anyone went through. Yes, it is unfortunate that there was a time when people had to have literal mesirus nefesh for shlichus (starve, no laundry etc…), but all those shlichus opportunities were clearly defined as such and the bochurim who went on them were given the choice by the Rebbe (although there are few exceptions, they are, as I said, FEW).
    A claim that shluchim always resort to is that “we have no money, should we stop peulos!” or “we’re on the same team..!” This is all very nice and even true to a very big exten, but out of common decency you are OBLIGATED to inform your future employees of any financial difficulties that you may be encountering so that the bochur/girl may make a conscious decision whether or not to take a chance.
    Failing to do so will render the hiring and a mekach taos “mistaken sale” and is a totally unbinding contract for the employee…
    (ask a rov about that before you take action)
    I am a bochur currently on shlichus to a yeshivah and is being deprived of basic requirements and all my problems are dismissed by many faculties with “we are going through a rough time”.
    Although I feel bad for the rough time they are going through, I am more angry that they didn’t tell me about it befroe I came so that I could reconsider coming here.

  • 10. Happy with Shlichus wrote:

    Not all girls experience this sort of abuse. It certainly should be addressed, but like everything else here, “BY WHO?” All the who’s are busy with themselves. My daughter had and has a very positive experience by the Shluchim that she is working with.

  • 11. dls wrote:

    I am so thankfull to the author for finally shedding light on problem that unfortunately occurs in many Chabad houses, hopefully this article will be read by those who truely need to take a good long hard look at themselves….

  • 12. Chossid wrote:

    While this issue needs to be addressed, let us take a moment and think if this forum is the best way to get this done in a constructive dignified manner. As I’m sure all parties involved would agree that this issue most definitely deserves to be dealt with in a sensitive considerate manner.

    Keep this in mind when you let your emotions burst out via the keyboard.

    This applies as well to those responsible for the content of this website.

  • 13. It happened to me wrote:

    This happened to me nearly ten years ago. And it happens to so many girls and boys. You need to be very careful where you go to, and have a very definite contract set up before you embark on your year that states what the responsibilities of the Shluchim are and also what your responsibilities are to them, so that you are not just relying on the the kindness or mentchlichkeit of others for you to survive.

  • 14. Saw it with my own eyes wrote:

    I whould like to add a point that she does not bring up, there are many girsl (now woman) out there that due in large part to being ‘used’ by shluchim and shluchus, decided that shlichus is not for them, so tell me what has the rebbe gained by ‘your’ self use?! how many more shluchus whould the rebbe have!?

  • 15. fraida p wrote:

    As a parent of a girl who has gone though this herself we have to check before we send our children to people who dont think of anyone but there own needs and what is good for them its nice to be idealistic but we have to use our heads and check before we go or send our child to someone who will abuse them and that is what this is teach your children at home give them the skills and self worth to know and teach others how they expect to be treated if not they should leave and find a place where they will be respected and treated like a mentch

  • 16. Yossi wrote:

    Well said!

    Having a good staff (girls) will make or break any Camp or Hebrew School. It’s amazing that there are shluchim who don’t realize this and take a Bas Chabad for granted.

  • 17. Disheartened........... wrote:

    Thank g-d, I had a great shlichus experience my year on shlichus. I was treated with respect and like a mench. Unfortunately, it wasnt my year on shlichus that is the problem. I have since entered the shidduch world and more times than not, people will call your shluchim to find out about you. I thought that I did a great job my year on shlichus and really gave myself over and gave it my all. Unfortunately, it got back to me that when called and asked about me, my shlucha said mostly nice things but did say that I “only did what was expected of me” and “what was written in my contract”- that I never went above and beyond. Can you imagine how hurt I felt after finding this out?! No one forced me to go on shlichus. I chose to go on shlichus on my own, worked very hard, and did the best I could. To find out that my shlucha would say such a thing, especially when regarding a shidduch, it was very hurtful and upsetting.
    Shluchim, please, when girls(as well as boys) come to you on shlichus, they are willingly leaving their comfort zones and giving themselves over to you. Appreciate all that they do for you, even after they are gone and give them the proper respect they deserve!

  • 18. Shmueli S wrote:

    everyone should relax, we can see who is responding, most of the perople here answering back ive in CH and are the children of people that decided not to go on shlichus. this was in the years that there were many oppotunties to go on shlichus and your parents decided NOT to go, so readers, know who is writing, the children of farmers. im not saying all shluchim are 100% metchleche, but you are there for a few months out of the total picture. if you live there 100% of the time you will undertsnd how difficult thjis all is, of course its inexcusable, but some what understable. if you dont have 100% bittul its not for you. chassidus wants 100% bittul. i know most of you will MISUNDERSTAND wht i wrote, but cant keep on writing all day.

  • 19. In agreement wrote:

    This is an issue that should be part of the program at the Kninnus Hashluchos. But it won’t be, because the Shluchos are, in many cases, slave drivers themselves.

    Why do you think there are so many ads for girls to be Shluchos? And they’re becoming quite desperate! It’s because certain places have lousy reputations.

    My daughter was very lucky when it was her turn & now, as a married Shlucha, picks up the slack from the Head Shluchim who DO NOT feed the girls properly or take the time to talk to them, take them out occasionally, listen to them. So the girls love coming to my daughter’s & in fact, “escape” there as much as they can. And while they’re there the girls are happy to help my daughter bake, take the kids to the park, etc, because they feel wanted & welcomed, not used.

    Another one of my daughters had a terrible experience as a young Shlucha. So there are all types. The writer is 100% correct. Some Shluchos operate a form of slave labor. My advice to the girls in these situations: leave. Don’t waste a year being miserable. You won’t get a Shidduch reference from these people anyway!

    To Shluchim: as a parent whose girls are all married, just be aware of your responsibilities to the girls you bring out. Treat them as friends, not servants. Feed them well! Give them a decent apartment with working kitchens & bathrooms! Listen to them, chat with them, suggest leisure activities for them. Introduce them to people. Include them in your discussions. If you have a fun family day out, invite them to go too! What’s wrong with that? These are smart, capable girls. And one day, they may be in charge of YOUR daughters/nieces/cousins.

  • 20. bch wrote:

    The whole idea is so weired in the first place! And don’t all these ads by the shluchim looking for ‘dynamic girls’ give you the creeps? Why should a single girl, baring some extraordinary circumstances, leave her home and move in with strangers? OK, there are summer camps, etc., but for a whole year? Did the Rebbe ever initiate such ‘schlichus’? Somehow I do not recall anything of the sort going on in those days… Even the now mandatory seminary year abroad is really very questionable and puts a huge burden on families struggling to pay their bills. But at least that has structure, learning, hashpo’oh. This ‘schlichus’ has none of that. It seems to me that it’s time for the parents to step in and stop this whole practice.

  • 21. counselor-s mom wrote:

    Thank you for writing this article. My daughter and her counselor mates had this experience as a camp counselor this summer. I don’t think she’ll ever be a counselor again. It hurts too much.
    How can hungry, tired, cleaning ladies be expected to be strong, loving counselors?

  • 22. Ummm Hellooooo?!?!?!? wrote:

    Is Shlichus being used as a substitute for girls teaching and boys sitting and learning – waiting to get married? I think it is wonderful for shluchim to have help and it is wrong for them to mistreat young shluchim. Thank G-d I was well taken care of when I did the shlichus stint I didnt get paid on time but my room and board was paid for. I got to feel what Shlichus is and honestly shlichus is not a job – it’s a lifestyle! Do you think the shluchim who ‘hire’ the girls/boys have a regular salary?
    If you want a job that pays on time, is 9-5 only and is close to home – go find an office job!

  • 23. la1 wrote:

    It is a two way street. Shluchim ask for references before hiring, so girls should also ask for references.

  • 24. A CH FARMER wrote:

    The Shluchim that bring these girls to their communiries are being watched by their communities. Every action you make is being watched, snd is part of your Shlichus; including your Hakaros Hatov and menchlechkeit to EVERYONE, especially your employees.

  • 25. I know the truth wrote:

    I was one of those girls who was treated horribly by Shluchim. My parents did not want me to go, but Seminary inspired me and I felt that it was the right thing to do.
    I dealt with filthy FILTHY living conditions, rude and overdemanding Shluchim, we (my friend and I) were given $20 a week for food, we were never paid on time (in fact, when we left we were still owed 4 months salary-which was a pittance). We were the babysitters, housekeepers, expected to do these things for the Rebbe. Shame on these Shluchim for invoking the name of the Rebbe to further their dishonest and UnMenchlach ways. My one ‘consolation’ is the fact that their community hasnt grown, obviously we arent the only ones who didnt like them. BTW- we had an excellent relationship with the women and families we were involved with, I kept in touch with some and they came to my wedding!

  • 26. happy parent wrote:

    i am a girl who went on shlichus for a year. i also worked as a head cousleor one summer and did numerous shlichus projects for many different shluchim. from what i’ve seen, most shluchim are amazing! almost all the people i’ve met over the years(the ones that live out of new york)have been the most real lubavitchers i’ve seen. i had many great expeirences with the shluchim and i was always treated very very nicley. i always felt appreciated and loved. of course shulchim are not perfect and i do agree that after i left i didnt mean much when it came to shidduchim or anything like that. but leaving an impression on the people of the community lasted a lifetime and that is the point of shlichus. alot of shulchim are interested in their fame and position in their community and within lubavitch and girls are looked as workers, but most shluchim are really nice and they too are working out there in middle of nowhere. the shluchim i’ve met who live around new york seem to be running a business and nothing else. and that is just too sad for their community. my brother on the other hand had a horrible expeirence on shlichus and did go hungry so i know there is a problem and like everything, there is some good shluchim and some that dont know why they are there in the first place and how to treat their own. it is important to check where u are going and ask previous workers who went out there how the shluchim treated them. that goes for any shluchus, seminary or job. good luck and i hope a bad experience does not push people away from lubavitch in general, because it can. there are good ones out there, i’ve seen it!!

  • 27. David wrote:

    “Shmueli S” – please remember that is us “farmers” who support a lot of the Shluchim.

  • 29. utterly disgusted wrote:

    to shmueli s. what a chutapah you have! so many people in crown heights are on chinuch shlichus, and yes, some of us were explicitly instructed by the Rebbe to go into business or computers LITCHATCHILAH! and not only that, but we’re slaving ourselves to pay tuition, because the community maaser is going to out-of-town chabad houses instead of the local yeshivos.

  • 30. Chaim wrote:

    It all depends who the actual Shliach is: Some Shluchim treat the Bouchrim (or girls) with respect and decency and they love being there and there are Scluchim that don’t. There should be some sort of list of who belongs in which category

  • 31. 100% agrees with Shmueli S wrote:

    i am a son of a lubavitcher who did not go on Shlichus “Farmer” and i was mistreated terribly by some shluchim (which to them i will probably not go back to) but you have to understand that ther are two sides to every coin, if a shliach mistreeated someone then he did something very wrong , but not every shliach is like that and shluchim are working un-appreiciated jobs (from their community and ours…)for 5-10-20 years and suddenly some youngster (me included) starts complaining and whining (most of us don’t think so , but from the shliachs percpective) even if they are totaly devoted and work on 14 hours shifts (which i did) .

    if you seriously sit with any shliach (even the biggest …) you WILL find out that even if they mistreat they still really appreciate. and that we (the “little people”) are doing a great thing by helping (real misius nefesh) and that is the most important thing (not our personal ego, even though i really feel for this writer of the article).

    the most important thing is to think about the Rebbe not ourselves.

  • 32. Re: Shmueli S wrote:

    your farmer argument is very lame, b/c

    1) Mesirus Nefesh is for yourself, not for your to put on to others

    2) Many (not all) of the Shluchim who has Mesirus Nefesh 20 years ago, saw very nice Peiros “Begashmiyus Ubiruchniyus” while the boy/girl gets left with nothing.

    3) Shluchim 20 years ago, knew this before going out on Shlichus, girls/boys do not.

    4) Usually this is all done out of oversight or lack of priority (not lack of funds

    5) “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you..” don’t call people who support you “Farmers” when many are also the kids of your very own Balai Teshuva

  • 33. utterly disgusted wrote:

    to shmueli s. what a chutapah you have! so many people in crown heights are on chinuch shlichus, and yes, some of us were explicitly instructed by the Rebbe to go into business or computers LITCHATCHILAH! and not only that, but we’re slaving ourselves to pay tuition, because the community maaser is going to out-of-town chabad houses instead of the local yeshivos.

  • 34. .EYM B-YISROEL wrote:

    also, the girls are so young. My daughter also went on shlichus. The Shuchah was having a hard time with some things in her life, and my daughter felt that the shlucha took it out on her. THEY MUST HAVE RESPECT FOR THESE GIRLS AND BACHURIM
    What about having a rating in the shluchim center (or something) as to how the feedback goes to their treatment. Some standards must be set here in order for everyone to remember what they must do. Yes, we have our halachos but everyone is busy, overworked and sometimes not as prepared as they should/could be.

  • 35. you can-t be careful enough wrote:

    It is the responsibility of the parents to research the shlichus with a lot of diligence, especially talking to the parents of the girls/boys from prior years. It is also unfair to have that imbalance of power between a shliach and child. The idea of a contract and mediation from the shluchim office is a great one. I do not know how to advise if say there is $1,000 who should be paid- the single girl or the shluchim’s family? Do the shluchim acknowledge they owe the money and will pay it up? What about the year of bochur shlichus which is a full year of unpaid labor, but a true taste of shlichus.

  • 36. Insulted wrote:

    To Shmuli S.

    What a horrible thought, to call our Crown Heights people, children of FARMERS, because they are not on Shlichus!! Where are you coming from?? Every yid, no matter where he lives, is the Rebbe’s Shliach!! Living in Crown Heights does not make you a farmer, as a matter of fact most young married couples chooose not to live here b/c the way of life is not as nice and materialistic as a life on Shlichus!! There are no yards, no pools, no driveways, no parks, no green grass and wide open spaces, it’s not where most peeple would like to live, and those that have moved out, would never want to move back here!!

  • 37. Real Shliach wrote:

    Has it ever occurred to any of these Bochurim and girls that they could just pick up and leave? I did it a couple years ago, from a Gan Israel, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Yes, I didn’t get fully paid, and yes, I had to pay for my own ticket home, but it was certainly worth it. If Shluchim play on their employers guilt too much, then leave.

  • 38. A shlucha wrote:

    I today am a shlucha and if there is anything I learnt from my shlichus as a single girl it is what not to do and how not to mistreat the bochrima nd young ladies that devote themselves to making our shlichus here a success. Based on my very unfortunate experince many years ago (where I spent most of the year alone – my friend left because it was unbearable- in a European country that had no access to Kosher food a foreign language no salary or spending money and we were completely averworked our shlucha never called us to make sure we had what we needed never made sure we had access to food or transport nothing) I have often asked that this be addressed at the kinnus hashluchos where there can be an open discussion about how we should treat these fine young eager teenagers that come with the sole purpose of making our Rebbe proud and helping us succeed in our shlichus . It is the responsibility of every shlucha ( even those who do not bring out boys or girls ) that shluchim the world over DO NOT abbuse their position as shluchim .

  • 40. shliach wrote:

    i can tell you from my point of view all the adds you see on and shmais is only b/c of this reason b/c no one wants to go back there i have had boys and girls for the sumer and for the year and for yom tov for the past 11 years and i treat them verey well and when they go i ask them to look for someone and they never have problem finding b/c the girls that come next know that they are going to enjoy and feal good working for me i never had someone leave on me and never put a ad are tried to convince someone to come if you look after them it makes yore life much easier .
    it pays to be nice and care.
    and it not fare to the other shluchim that are good to the girls and boys to give them a bad name by treating yore boy and girls like that

  • 41. Merkaz wake up wrote:

    Merkaz, it’s time to make ever boy and girl after Shlichus, to fill out a rating form of the Shliach, leave comments, and Merkaz to go threw them all and see if one Shliach had to many problems, from there you talk to that Shliach.

  • 42. Saddened Shliach wrote:

    Many of the comments are angry at the Shluchim for taking girls on Shlichus.

    Sorry friends but supply and demand tells you that “girls shlichus” started for two reasons 1. the shluchim need help and 2. the girls are looking for what to do.

    The reason why girls want to go on shlichus is very simple; they have nothing better to do.


    Well, I find it almost humorous that one of the heads of the seminaries goes on record often decrying the girls going on Shlichus.

    He has no one to blame other than the seminaries themselves…

    I know of many girls would rather spend their time until marriage learning in an environment more than working (even for avodas hakodesh) but that option is not open to them;

    Their father can only take out one mortgage on the house to send their daughter to seminary for one or maybe two years.

    Other than robbing a bank, most people dont have the option of sending their daughters to seminary for more than a year which charge a mimimun of $12,000.

    No Shliach will try to convince a girl to come work by them instead of learning etc. The competition is not from Seminary to Shlichus. Its only between Shlichus options themselves.

    The blame for so many girls looking for work lies flatly in the laps of the mosdos who dont allow them to stay on longer…

    Shifting that blame to the Shluchim is an unfortunate distortion of the truth…

  • 43. Saddened Shliach wrote:

    And lastly,

    Is this a one way phenomena?

    I have thank G-d had only good experiences with all of our girl Shluchos.

    But is it always that way?

    I can tell you of many stories that i have heard of Shluchim whose girls canceled on them in the last minute because of a better salary, more attractive location, a group of friends going somewhere else.

    Without even an apology Shluchim are left on the first day of school, camp etc without teachers, head counselors etc for no reason other than the person that accepted that job irresponsibly dropped it at the last minute.

    Or Shluchim who give the Chabad House Credit Card to the girls and then find excessive restaurant bills (when the girl was not even there), clothing and other things…

    Or cities where people in the community are shocked, hurt or insulted by interactions they may have had with an insensitive individual who did not care for the community as they were only there short term any ways…

    Are these cases common?

    Absolutely not.

    The Shluchim are blessed with devoted, chassidisheh, talented girls who raise the level of activity in the Chabad House to new levels.

    They are kind, helpful and give of themselves far and beyond the call of duty.

    But just as we should not paint them all with the sad brush of a few unfortunate situations, the Shluchim should not be treated that way either…

  • 44. mendel wrote:

    By the way just for the record you can’t just switchthe word girl to boy and have the same article. The reason being that most boys who go on shlichus DO NOT GET PAID. It is expected of any chassidishe bochur to take a year of his life and spend it on bochur shlichus and mostly make his own way. Sure the shliach will be kind enough to help but really he has his own finacial responsibilities and burdens. Yes he needs the help but no he doesn’t have the money to hire it. But it is the Rebbes shlichus it’s not about money. The fact that most girls who go on shlichus get paid, are given a car, etc. is a bonus that no chassidishe bochur expects when he goes on shlichus and I believe it is specifically because shluhim are more conscious of the fact that girls have an expectation of pocket money. But really at that age if your parents are no longer supporting you than part of being on shlichus is finding a way to make that money you need to survive. Don’t think I don’t know from experience because I do. I washed dishes and the like in order to not be destitute so really I fail to understand how it could be that a chassidishe girl can’t have the same bittul to the Rebbes work to understand that while a shlichus needs to be done that doesn’t mean that the shliach is made of cash.

  • 45. importance and role of a mashpia wrote:

    I appeal to all those who have been subjected to such circumstances that the author describes, should not cite examples of what you perceive (rightfully or unrightfully) as abuse. We don’t have to air out our dirty laundry in public mediums such as the World Wide Web. You can express your frustrations without citing instances. Speak from your heart, and it will penetrate the heart, but examples are going to damage the spirit of the conversation.

    Having said that, I think in many instances, the girls went into this without proper guidance (obviously, same goes for bochurim). The Rebbe stressed (and literally begged of us Chassidim) so many times the importance of having a mashpia, and the Rebbe pointed out that this applies to Anshim Noshim V’taf (men, women and children). So many times, unsuitable propositions are rushed into without consulting your mashpia. This problem would be a fraction of what it is today, if girls had a mashpia. They would have someone to talk to, to weigh the pros and cons, to help the girls asses whether a specific proposition suits them or not.

    It is obvious that you should try to do some research on the person you are looking into working for. You should make sure that their personality suits your’s. If you are a more sensitive type for example, you should work for a more sensitive COUPLE (the Shliach AND the Shlucha has to be people you are comfortable to work with).

    At this point, when you have done everything in your power, there are no guarantees that it will work, but the negative instances cited in the above article, become very significantly reduced.

  • 46. Been there too.. wrote:

    Im so happy someone finally addressed this issue! Yes, i am another one of those young girls that went out there after sem to do shluchos and had a really hard experience! We were told to do things that they would not do themselves. (I would give examples but i dont want to embaress them) And when we came to them, telling them that we cant be ‘their slaves’, they would scream at us. Yes, scream. Thinking back, 5 years later, I dont know why me and my friend didnt leave. It wasnt a healthy atmosphere. I think that if girls want to go on Shluchos, THEY should be the ones to get the references! If i got references for the shluchim, i would have known that year after year girls left that place. Hmm.. that says something!! The Shluchim have to realize that the girls are coming to Help, BUT its NOT their Shluchos place!! They dont have to go ‘ad mesiras nefesh.’ If they want to, fine. The shluchim should go out of their way for the girls/boys.
    The shluchim have to treat them well, accomodate them and appreciate them!! I have so much more to say, but im sure this editorial will recieve more and more responses like this one.
    There needs to be an answer to the problem…

  • 47. Shliach in Florida wrote:

    Of course there are some Shluchim that are selfish and don’t have consideration for the girls and bochrim they hire. However, I did not like the whole tone of the article. From a singular experience the author has now earned the right to stereotype and preach to thousands of shluchim???

    Who do you have a tayneh to if you have been raised to believe in the beauty and sanctity of marriage and then are miserable after you marry the first guy you see? You must do research, you must have a proper contract with the shliach, which you show to your parents and your mashpia before you sign. You should preferably know the shluchim, through family or close friends before you just go to anyone who is looking.

    As you have read from the comments there are many who have had good experiences and most likely because they did not go into it blindfolded.

    And to those who say this is not a good idea in the first place for girls and bochrim. I beg to differ strongly. We are talking about boys after shlichus or after smicha and girls after seminary. What could be better preparation for a shlichus of their own than to experience first hand and participate in the programs and peulos of another Chabad house first. It’s called shimush and many shluchim/shluchos could have used some first hand experience before they went on shlichus. Unfortunately big mistakes are made when you guess what to do on your own because all the experience you have is how to force kids to get in a straight line at flagpole in camp.

  • 48. A SHLIACH IN A YESHIVA wrote:


  • 49. Wrong Forum wrote:

    Like in all relationships, problems go both ways.
    I doubt this is the best forum to address the issue.

  • 50. Shliach detests mischaracterization wrote:

    Unfortunately the gist of the article is negative and bitter. Understandably the author (whose anononymity grants her immunity) had a bad experience.
    That is unfortunate and should not be tolerated.
    HOWEVER – most shlichus experiences are positive – the overwhelming majority are. Face it – it is a capitalist wolrd – if a Shliach is not reasonably caring for whomever s/he employs the word gets out. If you didn’t researsh properly before going out you are to blame!

    1) Most Shlichus opportunities will be amazingly positive experiences
    2) Be sure to speak to others who have been there before you. (this is a must)
    3) If you are not having a positive experience DISCUSS IT. Communication is key. If the Shluchim are not understanding, politely explain that you will have to leave.
    4) Until a shliach FORCES you or your child (with threats of, or with physical abuse) if you call any Shliach a “slave driver” you need serious help and probably should not be going or sending your children to Shluchim.
    If the latter has occured you shuold be calling the Police and should not be turning to an anonymous blog for help.
    (get a life!)

  • 51. weeper-at-the-ohel sound mad chasidish?! wrote:

    i have had a very interesting experience with a shliach for whom iv’e worked for the past couple of years for the yomim noraim. before i accepted his job offer, i did some reaserch about him, to find out if he overworks his emloyees unreasonably, if he pays what he promises and a whole buch of other stuff. the reports i got were horrible. i heard that he’s a cheater who underpays, overworks, twists, and is inappreciateve.

    that made me very concerned about working for him. in the i did and i have had the most pleasent and enjoyable experience i could possibly have imagined. he did not ask of me to do anything more than what we had made up, he paid me the full amount stipulated as well as a nice tip, he treated me very well as far as living conditions and food were concerned and was a real mentch. just as i was leaving him this year he invited me to come down any time during the year if i needed a get away or something, and even told me that if i have a hard time to get credit he’l hook me up.

    after this whole deal i realized why i had heard such bad reports about him. i can probably bet that the bachurim who had come to him previouly were idiots. they slept in, probably didnt put themselves into the work the way anyone should, and just took advantage of being in CA, which is where this shliach is.

    i on the other hand, who woke up on time, did the job with chayos, didnt chrop on rosh hashonoh day but instead went with the shliach to mivtzoim… had a blast.

    now although there are many shluchim who are lacking basic mentchlichkeit, i’m sure that the incompetence of the bochur or girl plays a nice role as well.

    dont kid yourselves readers. this poor, devistating-sounding girl, sounds so chasidish and committed by the lovey-dovy crying at the ohel. but that bullsh… there are, unfortunatly, many many many bochurim and girls that at least have a bit of a connection through going to the ohel and stuff like that, but havent the least bit of a clue what true chasidishkeit means. whether its the girls tznius level, or the guys lack of disipline to wake up for zman krias shma, both are an outright contradiction to chasidishkeit and hiskashrus. and it probably overflows to the bochurs or girls perception of shlichus as well.

    that being saids, its obvious that the story being told here is only one sided, and the writer is just in a little dreamland thinking that she is to be treated like a queen for doing what in her tainted and corrupted perception of chasidishkeit is “shlichus”.

    now, she raises a valid issue which undoubtedly must be dealt with, but until hearing it from someone who is truly chassidish, and intune with the shliachs chassidishkeit we have no way of knowing that her negative experience was the fault of the shliach.

  • 52. One who has been on Shlichus. wrote:

    Shluchim should show as much interest in the girls/bachurim that they hire as they would to a member of the their community who is voluntering their time. People are always people, and esspecially Jews we are each a neshama. Picking and choosing who you will acknowledge and who is deserving of your interest and attention is characteristics of an unhealthy, egocentric person. Defintely not someone who is fit to represent the Rebbe and Lubavitch. Shluchim must know that yes they are noticed for their dedication and hard work, but they also noticed for EVERYTHING else that they do or do not do. It is a huge responsibility, and although perhaps a challenge it is included in the commitment. MAy Shluchim develop the inner strength and security of self to be healthy enough that kind treatment of others is not selective but natural

  • 53. saw it online wrote:

    I believe the Shluchos website has guidelines for the Shluchos on what they could expect out of the girls, and what they should be doing for the girls. If these guidelines would be followed, alot of aggravation and heartache would be saved

  • 54. Reb Levik on Shlichus wrote:

    Yes such situations do happen and I will be very careful to avoid the above mentioned situatios when we will bring two girls next year.

    The main issue is a lack of communication. Both parties need to define clearly what they expect from each other before the shlichus starts!!!!

    I feel bad for the bochurim and girls that were mistreated, however don’t forget there are real menchliche shluchim too.

  • 55. to shmueli s. wrote:

    Shmueli S.- it is because of people like you that I don’t support shluchim. The attitude of “everybody owes me everything because I am on shlichus and not them”- is just not nice. Being a shliach is a wonderful thing. But, each person chooses to live the life they do. Don’t expect praise or thanks for doing it, and I wont expect prasie or thanks for living in dirty ugly crown heights. I chose to live here. i chose to live here and still “be on shlichus”- the way I choose to be. I use my maaser to support mosdos in my own community, and to help private families who are struggling with so many tzorus and don’t have food on their table- and I feel very good about that.
    Its never good to bite the hand that feeds you.

  • 56. really confused but agrees w/writer wrote:

    Shmueli S. shows a lack of education that is painfully obvious as I tried to read & understand his post.

    What’s this about farmers? I really don’t know what he’s trying to say. I’m sorry, but unless someone has something practical & respectful to say in a clear, comprehensible way, either in agreement or in disagreement with the topic, maybe it would be better to say nothing.

  • 57. Tone down the rhetoric wrote:

    As a ben Shliach, 23 years old, planning to follow in my parents footsteps; Please don’t call people farmers. This phrase comes from some arrogant (Midwest?) bochurim who belittle other Chassidim for not being as devoted as them. Open up a Sefer Zichronois and this attitude will remind you of a different era in Jewish history. Chabad, especially after gimmel tammuz, can’t afford to become a two class system.

    Having said that, do all typical chassidim (Non Shluchim) treat Shluchim accordingly? No. But you can’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. Most Chassidim are good and appreciate the Rebbe’s work that the shluchim sacrifice their lives to do. In fact many Chassidim treat Shluchim with far more admiration and respect, then the way some shluchim unfortunately treat each other.

  • 58. Farmers vs. New yorkers!! wrote:

    To Shmueli S.

    Does New York City look like a farm to you? Which suberb do you live in? Do you smell green grass everday? You know nothing about a city life!! if anyone is a farmer, its the hicks in your town, it might have rubbed off a little. Now whos the farmer? sounds like youre a bit miserable in your hick town.

  • 59. Been there, done that. wrote:

    About 9 years ago I put my heart & soul into the tiny class I taught for a shlucha’s school. I got no thanks, no compliments on all the hard work. Then, I got messed around by the Shlucha because she was upset that I was getting married just before the end of the school year. This is a great article.

  • 60. RE: I know the truth wrote:

    for all I know your perception of overdemanding is inaccurate, but the following words speak volumes of what type of person you are: “My one ‘consolation’ is the fact that their community hasnt grown, obviously we arent the only ones who didnt like them.”

  • 61. lady farmer EIEIO wrote:

    i think that a pashkvil applies if you’re writing about a particular person

  • 62. Yitzchok wrote:

    Well, in my humble opinion, the problem starts with a lack of options for the bochurim and girls of today. Lets face it, the average bochur, finished his years of yeshiva, maybe even completed his “bochur shlichus year” and perhaps even got smicha. . . now what? The options are either sit in 770 and keep(somewhat) busy, help a shliach, and now for . . . the “C” word. . . or go to COLLEGE! For girls it seems (to me) the options are even less! Some finish seminary (obviously 770 is not an option) others help a shliach, and here it is again the “c” word, a minority go to college! So, what we have here is the age old rule of supply and demand. Lots of bochurim/girls want to help a shliach, and not enough choose to do some other useful options. . .( hint: “C”!)
    Yes of course we should help out shluchim, and they should be admired and respected for going out in the middle of nowhere, trying to continue the Rebbe’s work, but aren’t we forgetting something???? All of us are shluchim, and all of us have the same ability to influence other yidden, just NOT all of us have our paychecks made out from “Chabad of so and so”!!!! Well, I feel allot better now!

  • 63. Saddened Shliach wrote:

    What a shame…

    As a young Shliach that had girls working for us I think this article and the 40 responses so far (including the person disparagin CH) are such a distortion of what Shluchim, Shluchos and girl Shluchos are all about.

    So many Shluchim work hard to make their grils happy. Is that the subject of an article? No. But the broad strokes that are being used here to paint the picture of Shlichus are portraying something far from reality.

    Shluchim for the most part very much apprecaite their girls, pay them well (it’s the only way you get girls today although in many instances they’re cost to company i.e. room, board and salary, is more than any other employee) and try to give them the best possible experience.

    In most cases it does work out that way.

    The fact that in some instances it does notwork out (which clearly is the case) does not give anyone the right to give the impression that this is the case with all Shluchim.

    There’s another equally painful point which I will make but I’ll leave that for the next post…

  • 64. Farmers wrote:

    The term “farmers” is not ment for all Crown Height residents. It’s the term used basicly to those Crown Heighters (Mostly Messianic or strong Rabonisten) who have decided to ignore (or even fight) anything which is dear to the Rebbe (Like Shlichus) had have established themselves firmly and VERY HAPPILY in Crown Heights – without knowing (or careing) what’s with Lubavitch around the world or it’s centarcl Headquarters. These people are indeed FARMERS. But NOT all Crown Heights residents are like that.

  • 65. Young shlucha wrote:

    Wow! I always heard of girls being mistreated but never realized it was quite so bad! I am on shlichus this year and do feel over worked at times, I definitly do work very hard and my shlucha sometimes has annoying little demands, however not once has she mistreated us, we have a nice apt, and good suppers every night, the shluchim invite us to their houses and to their events , and they treat us like equals. There are some nice shluchim out there!
    And if you feel over worked or mistreated then SPEAK UP!!! Don’t just sit back and expect your shluchim to read your mind, you have to let them know that something is wrong. Some of them don’t even realize you feel over worked cuz they work so hard themselves.

  • 66. awacs wrote:

    “I whould like to add a point that she does not bring up, there are many girsl (now woman) out there that due in large part to being ‘used’ by shluchim and shluchus, decided that shlichus is not for them, so tell me what has the rebbe gained by ‘your’ self use?! how many more shluchus whould the rebbe have!?”

    Doesn’t that cut both ways?

    Perhaps a) the Shluchim of today mistreat their charges b/c they never had this experience, and b) perhaps the Shluchim of tomorrow will appreciate their charges more b/c of what they went through.

  • 67. A traumatised lub girl wrote:

    Hi. Firstly thank you to whoever wrote this article, it was well expressed and unfortunately very true. A few replies to people’s comments and then what I went though being on shlichus this year before I left:
    To ‘ummmm Hellooooo?!?!?!’
    Do you honestly think that girls or boys for that matter go on shluchus thinking its gonna be a money making deal? Obviously they don’t. We are not talking about a $3000 salary a month; these overworked individuals are not being paid by the hour. We are talking about a measly $800-$1000 which just allows the girls to live. The fact that the shluchim don’t have a normal salary (which is not always the case) does not make it the girl’s problem; it is not the same thing. I’m sorry but if you can not afford girls, then you cannot bring them out…many parents have been supporting their kids up until then and do not have the funds to continue supporting their kids because shluchim feel that they can get away with not paying their girls. If your parents had money and were able to support you say thank you and stay quiet because most cannot. In any case most of these issues are not solely financial, but other issues that make the lack of funds that much worse.
    To Shmueli S:
    How insensitive to dismiss so many people’s feelings with a statement that has no basis. What made you decide that most these victim’s parents stayed in ch when there was a lot of shlichus oppurtunities? If this makes you happy, my parents don’t live in the Usa, they asked the Rebbe whether they should go on shlichus and they were told to stay in their community and work in chinuch.
    And you have spoken foolishly because the children of shluchim usually go work for their parents so obviously this is children of people who are not shluchim. These young girls or boys are definitely not being inspired to go on shlichus. Nobody said shlichus is easy, and no girl or boy goes on shlichus thinking it will be a breeze or they would work in a regular job with double the salary, half the responsibility and decent hours. However, a job being hard and demanding has nothing to do with the way your being treated. However stressful the job is for the shliach, his workers should always be treated decently and spoken to with respect.
    I just left my shlichus. Yes I am proud to say I left. There are many girls out there suffering and being treated wrongly that don’t have the courage to stand up for them selves; I wasn’t going to remain a victim of that. We were not appreciated or respected. We were criticized constantly that no program we ever did was good enough, we did not have enough money for food and when we asked for more we were made very uncomfortable even though these shluchim happen to have good supporters and money is not an issue in this chabad house. I could go on and on with how we were treated. I want you to know that they could’ve crushed our self esteems because we were never good enough, B”h we all have good parents who told us to leave and that these people don’t deserve us and that what we did. To my shluchim I hope your reading this and have made a decision not to hire lubavitch girls again because the last numbers of years have all been mistakes.
    To any parents who believe their kids should “stick it out” in these terrible situations, I feel it’s extremely unhealthy because you are teaching your child to stand for abuse, which chas vesholom they my stand for later too.
    I hope many shluchim will read this and make bigger, better changes making a brighter shlichus future.

  • 68. Zalmen Moshe wrote:

    Op-Ed: The Chosen – a rejoinder

    Recently there was an op-ed featured on where a disheartened (disgruntled?) girl wrote about the ‘humiliation and abuse’ [sic] she (and apparently her friend) experienced on their post-sem Shlichus experience.

    After dismissing abu ghraib-like images from my mind (really, I appreciate the authors’ descriptive creativity, but I think her point loses legitimacy with the dramatic overkill…) I fought my first reaction to pay no more attention to this than I would any other op-ed.

    I changed my mind.

    After giving it some thought I believe that this highly emotional issue can easily be distorted and confused, the valid points becoming part and parcel of the ‘undermine the Shlichus machine’ sentiment which, although unspoken, is existent and perhaps even prevalent amongst certain elements within out circles. I know that this may not be popular opinion, but I believe the Torah has already instructed us how to approach judgment of our fellow – not to mention an entire ‘community’ of our own [Shemos 23:2].

    I too have had the opportunity to spend time with Shluchim for varying periods of time, and had the great Zechus to assist them in their holy work. While I am aware of the isolated incidents that do indeed exist where young singles (be they Bochurim or post-sem girls) are not treated up to par I think it is clear that the overwhelming majority of Shluchim treat those entrusted into their care with sensitivity, love and respect.

    To paint with a broad brush and demonize all Shluchim as manipulative users and abusers is untrue, unfair and huge Chutzpah. It wasn’t too long ago that many of these very Shluchim where in this situation themselves and to assume that they would cold-bloodedly just turn and perpetuate the problem as apposed to rectify it when given the chance is highly unJewish, unChabad and frankly says more about the author than anyone else.

    Granted there is indeed an issue that needs adjustment, does the author feel they have taken a step in that direction or rather has she succeeded in penning a sensationalist essay that will garner discontented approval? In my experience I have found that word of mouth is the most powerful tool, and that those few Shluchim who can benefit from polishing their employee treatment skills have gotten that message quietly yet clearly when they have difficulty getting Bochurim or girls because of their reputation…(and if it really that bad, you’re a big boy/girl, pick yourself up and leave).

    There are two sides to every coin. I don’t think that this is the time and place to expand on the sense of self-entitlement that certain Bochurim/girls feel and give off. The ridiculous stipulations that are made, unreasonable salaries demanded. Of course anything that does not fall under their detailed job description is below their dignity to do. What goes around comes around.
    I have yet to meet or hear first hand of Shluchim that have asked Bochurim/girls to do something they themselves would not do.

    I would like to close by taking this opportunity to thank all those Shluchim who have given me the chance to take part in the wonderful work they do. For hosting me in conditions sometimes better then their own. For making me feel as if I really were ‘home away from home’. And for teaching me what it’s like to live ‘on the edge’.

    Thank you.
    May Hashem bless your work, your families and all that you do. May you continue to be a never-ending source of inspiration to our youth until the day when we are once again reunited with our Rebbe.

  • 69. 7-7-7 wrote:

    To Shliach in FloridaI
    If you bothered reading the article, you would have noticed that the author is NOT speaking based on a singular experience.
    Please, don’t abuse the victom.

  • 70. response to yitzchok wrote:

    if you care a tiny bit about what the rebbe thinks about collage, you wouldn’t even dare to offer that option. CHUTSPEH

    there was a reason you shouldn’t just wait around , you should get married or sit down and learn and if you are not capable of doing that then you go shlichus, and if your a bum (which most of the complainers here are) and you don’t give a flying hoot what the ebbe thinks than go to collage

  • 71. DL-STa wrote:

    Because there is an inherrent imbalance of power, the only way to address this serious issue is to have the shluchim be accountable to someone eg the shluchim office . Someone must be able to advocate on behalf of our children and prevent this abuse from continuing.How many times did the Rebbe decry the approach of “ain potzeh peh umtzaftzeif” i.e sweeping issues under the carpet. And to add insult to injury, this MISbehaviour is being done in the name of the Rebbe!? Those shluchim who treat their boys/girls well would have no reason not to be accountable to a seniour body, and those ‘shluchim’ who would be reluctant to be held accountable – MUST BE.So shluchim office, let’s hear from you -the juniour shluchim need you

  • 72. to David and sam and others wrote:

    how long is your beard and how tsnius is your wife, when was the last time you gave maaser
    do you know the story of the chossid that paid for the farbreingen but didn’t participate…

  • 73. a hurting shlucha wrote:

    I am a shlucha who has never brought out girls (yet) I want to hug you and apologize to you. I also have a daughter and if anyone EVER treated her that way I would scream just like your mother is I’m sure. You are brave. Continue to speak out and there will be progress. I wish i could make it up to you. I treat my non Jewish babysitters and clenaing lady with as much respect as I would want for my own daughter. A smile and a warm thank you along with some hot food can go a long way shluchos. these are the people who MAKE our shlichus possible…why would we make them BEg for anything….without them all our activities come to a screeching halt.

  • 74. Growing up is tough... wrote:

    Obviously, I disagree with any mistreatment, but just to give some context to those who decry working without pay as something horrible: There is a concept in the outside world called internship. This is where you volunteer for a company or organization to get invaluable work/life experience. It is very common in the outside world that even doctors, lawyers and even Rabbis have to go through.

    This is a step to becoming a responsible, professional individual. if you are mature enough to go out into the world, you should also be mature enough to set an agreement and leave if those conditions are not met.

    In other communities 19-20 year old women are getting married and starting a family. Or, in the secular world some people are becoming professionals. Certainly, Chabad girls are more pure/innocent than their secular counter-parts, but perhaps responsibility, confidence and entitlement are good things to learn and emulate.

    I am sure that some Shluchim are wrong, but I cannot think of any context where it helps to play the victim.

  • 75. put off shlichis for life!!.. wrote:

    I also recetly had to leave my shlichus position after being treated terribly too. Its a comfort and relief to see that it happens to others too.

    I was staying in a house that was currently still being built whilst I was living there.The bathroom and shower was filthy . My room was in filthy condition; I was given a bed that was totally unfit to sleep in, as well as other majour discomforts . The apartment was bare, no furniture at all, we had to eat our food ( when we had what to eat that was) on some office chairs I happened to find in the street and shlep home. I was simply in shock that people could treat others this way. Not only did they not do anything to improve it, but made me feel that I was guilty by writing to me whilst I was gone on a brief visit home saying they dont feel it was“working out”

    I went ready to really give all I got, but after such attitude and such treatment, it has put me off SHLICHUS for life!! and my whole feeling for the rebbe and lubavitch turned on a very negetive approach – This is deffinitly NOT what the rebbe had in mind when he spoke about shlichus

    Yes, its all very nice to boast how many people you had round your yom tov table, and how big your crowd was in shul that shabbos, but your own people should come first and formost. We are NOT there to be your maids, which what I was made to feel on yom tov,and we do deserve to live in some what decent living conditions and be treated with respect and understanding

    SHLUCHIM, I hope you;re all reading this!!!-

    I apologize for the shlichim who ARE doing a good job. There are many who do treat their girls/ boys well, but unfortantly a lot that dont as we can see from all these comments..

  • 76. Kpin wrote:

    I am believing this 100% I see it all the time, I hear from my friends, I had a taste of what it means to be on shluchas and not being treated well, and I had some that treated me wonderfully! Its something a lot of shluchim should work on…….

    I love this op-ed article! Whoever wrote it, Kol Hakovod!

  • 77. I understand where you-re coming from wrote:

    The person who wrote the article is OBVIOUSLY NOT accusing all the thousands of Shluchim out there and putting them in the same category… Of course everyone knows that there are plenty great Shluchim out there doing excellent work and treating their girls/boys the way they should. However, the chances are, she’s discussed her experiences with friends and has realized that unfortunately too many of them have gone through or are going through the same experience. I for one, have a number of friends (including myself) who have been seriously considering to put together an article like this but either haven’t had the time or the courage to do it. Kol Hakavod to the author of this article! She has adressed an issue which SO many girls have been waiting for someone to address!

    I’d like to add: Most girls out there are not asking for a better salary or fancy living conditions etc… what would mean most to us is a little APPRECIATION! How hard is it? How much does it cost?

  • 78. a girl on shlichus wrote:

    Whoever you are, a BIG yasher koach.
    before i went on shlichus i went to the OHEL for a bracha. when i got here i was very excited to help shluchim of the rebbe. i underSTOOD that things comeup that we can’t control. i have given more than the shlucha can imagine to come to this in-middle-of-no-where. i have lost most of my self respect.
    i have lost respect for shluchim and what they are doing.
    how are teenagers supposed to stay strong to yisgkeit when they have no self respect?

  • 79. reader wrote:

    Thank you to all the shluchim, shluchos, and the bochurim and girls who go out to help them. Hashem should bless them all with a good parnossa and Moshiach now.

  • 80. 7-7-7 wrote:

    In response to responce to Yitzchok:

    Was the Rebbe really against people going to college, even for financial reasons?

    If what you say is true can you quote it?


  • 81. 7-7-7 wrote:

    To the person who will not identify himself:

    Quit the ad hominem attacks.

    There is no need dragging people’s wives into this.

  • 82. mistruth wrote:

    I completly understand this girls approach however it is not SHLUCHIM … it is people, some people act differently than oteher.. I had a great year as a shlucha and in some camps and in some camps as a counselro NOT SHLUCHOS it was horrible.. you cant say shluchim are bad you can say some people dont treat others correctly, to limit this brand to shluchim is despicable

  • 83. ATTN: A traumatised lub girl wrote:

    FROM UmmmmHelloooo?!?!?!
    Please don’t judge my family’s involvement in my fanancial comfort whilst I was on Shlichus! As it happens they did not have to pay a penny – I learnt how to budget and realised that I don’t need a mani/pedi every week etc.
    Perhaps if children where not brought up as ‘comfortable’ as they are there wouldnt be the expectations.
    I was paid $800 a month. and only got paid when I was desperate! As someone else wrote Shlichus is not a job – you have to have bitul and accept the challenges and that includes being worked to the bone or not getting paid and not having the convenience we are used to.
    Farmers indeed!!!!

  • 84. To Growing up is tough wrote:

    Great comment – the best one by far

    That is what it is an internship

    however if teh shluchim do need the young ladys to be a babby sitter or gofer then they must tell them that up front.

  • 85. Shliach in Florida wrote:

    To 7-7-7

    I am not blaming the vicitm by any means. Blaming the victim would be to say she deserved what she got. On the contrary as a shliach, I am disgusted and embarrassed by how my fellow shluchim treated her.

    I only question her use of broad sweeping accusations (eg. why do shluchim treat…)on a public forum and not just share her personal story.

    I could name you 20 shluchim that treat well for everyone that mistreats.

  • 86. David wrote:

    to David and sam and others wrote:
    how long is your beard and how tsnius is your wife, when was the last time you gave maaser
    do you know the story of the chossid that paid for the farbreingen but didn’t participate…
    I wasn’t going to answer, but I know it will give most people a good laugh, so here goes:

    1) My beard is as long as Hashem wanted it to grow – no, I don’t shave or pick.
    2) I don’t think it’s even Tznius of you to ask this.
    3) Actually last night I wrote out a check of several hundred dollars in Maaser.

    Any other smart inappropiate questions?!

    If I knew who you were, I’d be the first one round to educate you – you rude piece of filth.

  • 87. Mtotel wrote:

    The other side – I experienced this with merkos shlichus bochrim last summer – is you pay for and bring boys or girls and they abuse your hospitality by basically not doing what they came to do or demanding huge amounts of money for “shlichus”. This is the other side of the coin. Or they cancel last minute…
    by the way I have had a number of girls for shabbos programs who have been fantastic

  • 88. I know only positive wrote:

    I volunteered for a Shliach (returned my salary to him), and it was choizer vniur for me the rotzon to go out on shlichus. The shluchim ought to be applauded for their mesirus nefesh.

  • 89. Point to ponder wrote:

    Couldnt handle shlichus? – do you think you’d be able to handle the demands of marriage (which appears to come next)
    – slave labour, late nights, cooking and cleaning – and when the kids come – babysitter, diaper changer, nanny, nurse – the lists are endless – and worst of all – there isnt a penny in sight for your effort!!!! Who will be blamed then for the miserable unexpected experience?

  • 90. What girls appriciate wrote:

    The most pleasant experience I had working for a shliach was not the least demanding. There where glitches, and we where not paid “top dollar”. We got a fair allowance towards appartment expenses but we did have to budget. What made it so enjoyable was the attitude of the shluchim. They where always honest with us and we never felt that they where asking us to do things that they themselves wouldn’t do. Sure we had to work hard but they did also.

  • 91. A Proud Bas Shlucha wrote:

    Reading the article pained me very much. It hit accurately on a very bad experience that I had working for certain shluchim. When it happened, my eyes opened up to see that there are two sides of the coin. My parents, are caring and giving shluchim. If there was ever someone working for them who needed something, it was taken care of right away. My whole life I grew up proud and happy to have had the zechus to devote my life to shlichus.
    Then my bad experience…
    I could have started cursing out all shluchim. How inconsiderate they are. what a lack of caring they have.
    However, a lot of it is horrible miscommunication.
    Girls or boys who are going on shlichus are going in order to have something to do while they wait around. They are utterly willing to devote themselves to shlichus however much they could, but on the other hand, they still have a seperate life. They are only temporarily on shlichus and this is their opportunity to try it out. They are limited in the amount of sacrifice. In comparison to a couple who thought about it and carefully reached the conclusion that their lives are utterly devoted to the Rebbe and their own feelings pushed aside.
    Shluchim remember, that however hard it is for you to devote yourself totally to the cause, it is much harder for girls and boys to totally devote themselves to a cause not their own. While you feel encouraged from a nod, smile or kind and encouraging word or gesture, the girls and boys who you bring out desire just that and to a greater degree being as this is not their own lifelong cause. You may be busy but Busy and Mentchlich don’t rule each other out! YOu may not have money but be open about it from the beginning, a contract is a contract and it is much easier for a girl to understand that and accept that before she chooses to go into something than when it suddenly hits her in the face when she’s starving or just worked to the bone.

    Girls and boys who devote themselves to a year of shlichus, give yourselves a pat on the back. You are lucky enough to be chosen to help shluchim fulfill the ultimate ratzon of the Rebbe. Amazing. But be open about your abilities and needs. Shluchim understand but can be sidetracked sometimes. It’s not that they are purposely hurting or ignoring you always. Sometimes, just like you need a reminder to do something, they also do and it’s only human. Shluchim are not superpowers. And if you feel that a year of giving most of your personal life up for a cause not your own is too much for you, then don’t! But don’t leave shluchim haging. Don’t say yes and secretly hate every minute of it. Don’t talk behind your shliachs back.

    All of this bashing shluchim… Of what use is it. This can be done in a dignified and respectful manner. Don’t we all deserve respect>? Isn’t that what we’re demanding here? Shluchim are out there devoting their lives to the Rebbes cause [ and that is definitely not putting down People who are not on shlichus. – everyone must do what is good for them] Why not respect that. So many of them are mentchlich. So many of them are caring. They can be busy, they may not always be able to treat us as kings or queens but as mentchen they could. And so many of them do.
    This issue did need addressing, but why not do it in a positive manner looking to find solutions to a problem and not just to shift blame. B”h we are all hopefully devoted to the Rebbes cause. If you don’t want to go on shlichus, or if you are a shliach or shlucha who doesn’t know how to be a mentch then you don’t belong on shlichus. Don’t lower the wonderful shluchim, boys and girls who are doing whats right.
    May we all bring the Rebbe much Nachas together as one family, shluchim shluchos, CHers and Lubavitchers wherever you may be!

  • 92. finally! wrote:

    to “Point to ponder”
    i worked for shluchim a few times,
    the last time the shluchim made crazy demands of us things that even they werent capable of!!!! we all left
    i’m married now with a baby, the work is no comparison!
    thank you for this article i hope many shluchim read it (though the ones that need to most probably wont)

  • 93. Been There wrote:

    Firstly, you are women, not girls. There is a reason I make this distinction, because thought it may seem simply semantics to some, I see it as the way in which your employers–the shluchim–perceive you. You are a girl, a child, much like a child laborer. I am certain this problem is not limited to women working for shluchim and men out there–or bachurim–speak up!
    Do not allow yourself to be taken advantage of. It is important that there be a forum where healthy communication between employers and employees be able to take place.

  • 94. Responding to: Response to Yitzchak wrote:

    I agree with you about the college bit, but I don’t agree with you about what you wrote, “that all the complainers here are bums anyway”
    That is so not true. Most of the people here are regular chassidish girls who went on shlichus and had bad experiences. If they are so called bums as you wrote, then they wouldn’t have gone on shlichus to begin with.

  • 95. another friend wrote:

    i happen to knw about this story personaly and i cn asure u all that the author is nt exagerating at all they have been treated discustingly – however i also knw that the shluchim are good ppl and dont even realize- sad but true…no one thanks the shluchim so mauybe they dont see y they should thank the girls….

  • 96. friend wrote:

    The problem is that those treating the girls this way have no clue, they r so oblivious to it if they realized i think they would be ashamed and correct it…..just a thought- who says thank you to the shluchim?

  • 97. on the shluchim side wrote:

    wow look at this feed back

    i want to stick up for the shluchim of whome i went to

    I personaly gained alot i am bc of them a better shliach today

    the ones that were a great example i imitate
    as far as the other ones

    oh they taoght me what not to do

  • 98. talmid hashliach wrote:

    i went on shlichus many times and happy to say that i wasent mistreated,

    would like to take the chance to thank all the shluchim for the work they do,

    as for the talmidim hashluchim that go somewhere to learn when expected to run things in the comunity, DONT ALWAYS RELY ON THE SHLIACH “GO OUT AND MAKE A SHTUREM” (your old enough do know what to do (thats what we’re doing in our place on shlichus))

    shluchim keep up the good work and dont be nispoel


  • 99. servants to starnger!?!? wrote:

    to answer ‘a point to ponder’

    yes it’s true that they will G-d willing be getting married soon after. but do they have to be SERVANTS to starngers?

    having a family is one thing, being taken advantage of by shluchim and being treated like servants by their kids, is just NOT RIGHT!

  • 100. Malli wrote:

    I wonder how much of this information, frustration, etc. was communicated by the auther directly to the employer in this story. Because that would be the way to do it.

  • 101. girl wrote:

    i actually had only good experience with the shluchim that i’ve been to. But im sure that not all shluchim are like that. We are not slaves!!

  • 102. Options for the thinking girl wrote:

    there are no options for girls! i dont want to go on shluchos now… neither do i want to go to CH for the year….i’m a person of action i need to be accomplishing things… getting some place in life . I have a drive and College is very tempting when there is nothing else to do

  • 103. Annonymous for obvious reasons. wrote:

    You know, I have to say that I agree with those who speak about research. I live in a small chabad community of about 40 frum families. We live in a state, that has a reputation for “being fun to go there” I dont know which shluchim they refer to, but I know that by us, there is gross negligence of the girls. Year after year they are miserable here. What is interesting about that is, that they hear it. Speak to the girls from previous years, camp is great, they treat the counselors well, so the neighborhood has a good name, but comes the school year, and they are understaffed, and the shluchim dont look at the girls. The school shluchos hate it here. WHY DO GIRLS COME BACK YEAR AFTER YEAR WHEN THEY HEAR FROM THE PREVIOUS THAT IT WAS A BAD EXPERIENCE? I think herein lies the problem.

  • 104. To Point to Ponder wrote:

    Yes, that’s exactly the point. “Miserable UNEXPECTED experience.”

    It is expected when one is a mother that you wake up early, don’t sleep much, work very hard, etc. BUT: a) It’s YOUR baby, and YOUR nachas; and b) YOU DO EXPECT IT!

    When you go out on Shlichus, you are expecting to work hard, but not to slave. It’s not your baby, you can’t be expected to have the same mesiras nefesh! You don’t expect to be paid an incredible salary… but you do expect to be making enough to afford to buy food and clothing and occasional gifts. After all, the Shliach promised you that much!

    AND, as a mother… you have a husband. You are grounded. Someone appreciates your efforts.

    To say that someone who doesn’t treat her year on Shlichus as “her baby” is going to be a bad mother and wife is ridiculous at best, and cruel at worst. She is having plenty mesiras nefesh just being out there, taking orders, far from her family, not earning enough to save for married life, missing out on friends’ lechaims, etc.

    To all Shluchim who treat their girls well, yasher koach. I’m sure you are reaping the rewards already, as they are most likely happy and will refer their friends. You may not be paying a lot, but you are open about it and do your best in other ways.

    There are problems on both sides, but this was intended to urge corrective action in the “older” “more mature” group, the Shluchim. IY”H such an article will never again have to be written.

  • 105. shluch 4ever wrote:

    I have to say that i am a fellow ch’er who never wanted to go on shlichus. After experiencing a year on shlichus, i know that there is nothing more i will ever want to do in my life!

  • 106. yo wrote:

    Could people please run their statements through spell check for the sake of all of us reading them. I for one see the gross spelling errors and I lose a lot of respect for the author. And I’m not talking about grammar and sentence structure. Please respect the readers!

  • 107. from a shlucha-s perspective wrote:

    From the perspective of a shluchah, I must take issue with “A traumatised lub girl”’s comment.

    One of the problems with these young shluchos is that they would like all of the advantages of mature and independent living without any of the responsibility.

    “A traumatised lub girl”: Do you really think that these girls are getting paid only $800 a month? How’s about the apartment, utilities, car(which the girls enjoy during all of their non-working hours), car insurance, food? Independent living costs money!

    For many girls this is their first taste of this life and don’t recognize that these expenses are their BENEFITS! Which other job pays for your home, food, and car? Teaching? 47th Street?

    Mature girls recognize that they cost their shluchim about $3000 (and more) per month – even if they only get $800 – 1000 in their pocket for misc expenses. And thankfully, in most cases they are worth every penny and more!!

    Our girls have been dedicated and devoted members of our shlichus and many still keep in touch.

  • 108. TO A HURTING SHLUCHA wrote:

    if you knew the way this girl behaved i dont think you would want to apologize or hug her, if you were her mom you would berate yourself “how did i raise such a daughter?”, you dont know the half of it…
    Dont be so quick to judge your fellow shluchim…

  • 109. still in agreement wrote:

    I am viciously pro rights for the young women and men who are employed/interning for shluchim, and am happy this issue is being publicized.

    But I do believe that a lot more attention needs to be given to the shluchim who constantly have immature people who commit and then back out or who give half the effort that might be reasonable. It happens just as often as the abuse and is also a serious problem.

    Oh and yeah…the dramatic overkill was sort of annoying.

  • 110. never thought i would say this wrote:

    I agree its about time someoen spoke up about it, i hope girls in seminary now read all this, im on shlichus now and i cant even think of 1 person who likes it!!!!!! not 1 i repeat, i think that this whole thing that after you go to seminary you have to go on shlichus should be over with, it shouldnt be the thing to do anymore, nowadays if i ask my friends if they like it all they say is it’s OK, well thats because they got used to it, in the begining we all HATED it, i was so excited to go on shlichus and do what the rebbe wants, and now im here doing it not out of happiness but because i made a committment and counting down to they end of the year. One thing i really think makes a big difference is also that when we go on shlichus it is right after a year of seminary (being in a sheltered environment) girls dont imagine what the shlichus year could really be like, most girls have NO IDEA what they are going to. I just never thought it could be like it. i feel really bad for all the girls out there on shlichus just sittting around wasting a year. This whole shlichus thing should be done with and a thing of the past

    Another thing also, (practically) everyone goes down b’ruchnius, i knew it would be hard but i thought i would still be able to do it, i am extremely sad to say but yes i have definitely gone down a lot b’ruchnius and it hurts me a lot. and most girls i know that are on shlichus can problably say the same.

  • 111. Chaya F wrote:

    I have to admit that I was not going to do the “year of shlichus after seminary” precisely for this reason. I was told that I would be used by shluchim to do their dirty work. However, as they say, “Man plans and G-d laughs.” i am now in my second year out of the “system” and have found myself living with shluchim.

    Thus far, this year has been the best one of my life. My shluchim have opened up their home to me, and I feel like a p art of their family. I think that they even treat me better than they would their own daughter. Bh, I am very lucky and I know that I am not the only one having a good experience.

    I think that there definitely is a problem in general with girls and bochurim being mistreated, but I do feel that this article is completely inappropriate here. The author has obviously been very hurt, but does she really need to publicize her personal story to the entire Lubavitch world and anyone else who might visit this website?? A little self-respect is needed.

    I do think that this issue needs to be addresses, but in the proper forum, not here for all the anonymous yentas to argue back and forth.

  • 112. a hard working shlucha in kan tzivah, wrote:

    to Shmueli S
    i wonder where the families, friends, baalei baatim of shmuel s. stay? its not appropriate to put them up at farmers homes even though its the home of our king?? tishrei kislev shevat nissan, taamuz and every day and night in between????? pegisha, college weekend, must i go on…
    kan tzivah has the worlds biggest largest never closing hotel in the world!! the rebbes brachas are here
    [and the idea of having a rating sheet and it being taken seriously is a good idea]

  • 113. austin TX shlucha...from a few yrs back wrote:

    i had an awesome time on shlichus almost 5 yrs ago. whilst the shluchim always struggled (which shliach doesn’t?) to pay all their bills etc. we always got paid on time, we had a car to drive, we were expected to do the work that we came out to do, we enjoyed enhancing and adding to what we did but that was because the shluchim didn’t heap it on us but because we were enjoying oursleves on the shlichus. the shluchim spoke to us like adults, cared about our opinions, fed us well, and acted almost like family. although i live on the other side of the world now, and my former place of shlichus is not somehwere i’d be flying to anytime soon, i always wish i could take my husband and show him where i spent a great year of my life in a great city wiht a great communiyt and super shluchim who i respect and admire.

  • 114. no one-s wiser than... wrote:

    Girls – think about WHY you are doing this BEFORE you come out.
    We B”H have had only wonderful experiences with our girls, besides for one year. The entire group was just very negative, walked around without ever smiling, it was EXTREMELY hard to work with them, until we realized that unfortunately, for whatever reasons, these girls were bitter (their personality), and truly were not capable of doing the job. I am still not sure why they chose to come out, but I am begging you, girls: before you come out, make sure you know this is really for you! We put too much heart and soul, sweat and blood into our communities, we can’t afford having you ruin our hard work for us.
    (In our case, after that year, we lost families to our school, while all the other years, with the wonderful girls we had, our school grew after that). And if you ask why didn’t we just hire other girls: because in the middle of the year it was impossible to find anyone, beleive me I would have loved to releive them of their duties, as they did so much damage here in the community, not by doing anything bad, just by walking around with such sour faces and negative attitudes.
    And to other Shluchim, please be honest with your references, if I would have gotten honest references for these girls, I could have avoided lots of heartache.
    Unfortunately I know there are Shluchim who mistreat but as so many have said here, most Shluchim are great to work for (from my own experience as a girl)
    LIVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE!! Don’t just do it because that’s what you do, do it with a passion, with chayus, your entire life will be different with this attitude.
    Important topic, I hope something will be done for both sides.
    Girls, just realize, tons of Shluchim don’t hire girls anymore beacuse it can be extremely difficult to work with girls…
    also, realize just as the media takes negative stories and blows them out of proportion, one bad experience with a Shliach, and the whole Bais Rivka starts with this negative attitude against Shluchim…the positive experiences will never be in the spotlight as much….

  • 115. recently on shlichus wrote:

    Thank you for bringing up this important subject. I also heard stories about how shluchim treat girls before I went on shlichus, but always htought, “it couldn’t really be that bad”, but guess what? It was!

    Living conditions were NOT ok. We were not provided with food. We were told to make a weekly list which the shlucha then modified so extensively that we were lucky if we ended up with one mini sized box of cereal between us for the week. Suppers we were expected to shelp to the shluchim’s house every night, no car, very late after a full days work and we were not interested in having a whole big affair with fighting screaming kids, arguing parents etc.
    We even had to beg for basics like toilet paper and cleaning supplies to clean our apartment!

    Money. Obviously, I did not go on shlichus for the money. But in order to live, some money is necessary. Many girls are not given any money by their parents, and yes, it is important to pay and on time. Our pay was only $500 a month and when I left after 4 and a half months, i had not been paid once (and that is not even why I left!)

    Not to mention that the work load that was in the contract was completely different to the reality when I arrived. An extra THREE hours a day of intense teaching was expected and was NOT in the contract AT ALL. Not a word of thanks or appreciation from the shlucha, just snide remarks and sharp comments.

    b”h the shluchim i worked for after this horrible experience did somewhat improve my opinion of shluchim and I do know some shluchim who treat their girls excellently. HOWEVER, I know this IS a widespread problem among shluchim and girls.

  • 116. a Shlucha wrote:

    I think that the children of shluchim are the best girls and boys to hire. They know exactly whats going on and grew up in a thankless environment and they just “get it”. Whenever I hire girls for camp that are other shluchims kids I am very satisfied. Very often if the girl did not grow up on shlichus she just doesnt seem to understand what it means to be working for the Rebbe 24/7 its not his or her fault its just a knew experience for them..,

  • 117. Rivka wrote:

    I think the writer of the article has made some statements which are not true. Not every girl who is going on shlichus is willing to work hard. Many girls go on shlichus because thats the thing to do after seminary and they want to do whats socially accepted.
    As someone who was on shlichus I can also say that many girls who are on shlichus do not respect the property and money of the shluchim. They don’t usually do it on purpose, but they just don’t realize how much money things cost or what its like to live on a tight budget. This causes friction between the girls and the shluchim.
    Although there are many shluchim out there who do not treat the girls prpperly there are also many girls out there who do not treat their shluchim properly

  • 118. been there wrote:

    I want to mention that many of these girls that go out on Shlichus need Kiruv themselves, and if they misbehave, they are there to be tought and are not paying them all that much….they came to learn from you. They thought that the SHLUCHOS can offer them something that the schools or crown heights can’t.

  • 120. to whoemever asked about collage wrote:

    if i remember correctly “likutei sichos ch’ 3 parshas Shmois, and tons more if you just look

    BIG difference between going to collage for financial reasons (which there were a few times the rebbe gave the green light) and advertising and telling people to go , which will bring any lubavitcher (who is learning or doing shlichus) to even start thinking about collage, and that part is the chutspah , not the actual going

  • 121. mother wrote:

    Of all my childrens’ experiences with shluchim, only two were not favorable. And of those, my kids were aware that the specific shluchim had emotional problems. In these cases, my husband and I helped our children “deal” with the individuals. I feel that in doing so, it helped build their character and helped them deal with other difficult people.
    If we didn’t take the time to thank the shluchim for whom they worked, I’d like to do it now. It is not easy to work with idealistic, although sometimes spoiled young adults.
    To all who consider shluchis, I agree with the advise to do research and work out contracts. And go with a joyful heart as well as open eyes.

  • 122. to: never thought i would say this wrote:

    to: never thought i would say this,
    I’m sorry to say this, but you sound a litle funny. You must’ve spoken to every girl on shlichus, besides me! because im very happy where I am.
    so before you say: I cant even think of 1 person who likes it!!!!!! not 1 i repeat, think again.

  • 123. a word from the wise (lol) wrote:

    I have been at both ends. on my first year of shlichus I wanted a chassidish atmosphere and a place where i would grow in my chassidishkeit. i lived in the shluchim’s house and had a fantastic year (both in ruchniyos and gashmiyos) a few years later… the idea of going to California was so appealing that I didn’t bother checking into the shluchim I just wanted the gashmiyos. needless to say it was the opposite of my first year. I was completely ignored and never even invited to the shluchim’s house for shabbos.
    the point I am raising here is that when a girl/ boy goes out on shlichus, don’t complain that you went down in your chassidishkeit, or that you are turned off from lubavitch… you brought it upon yourself.
    In my opinion being on shlichus ig giving a little piece of yourself, in terms of your location and salary. NOONE should be mistreated but don’t expect these fancy sounding places to be top notch shlichus experiences.

    In the comments above people mentioned starvation… please explain to me how you are hungry after you get 1000 pay check….

  • 124. sara wrote:

    To me this whole topic sounds ludicrous. When a person goes to a new school or place they look into it thoroughly to see if it’s suitable for them. Where are the parents when their daughters decide to commit themselves for a year?? Personally, when i was ready to go on shlichus i researched A LOT making sure the shluchim would treat us right and that it would be a positive experience. It’s not a secret which shluchim are the ones that “abuse” their girls and take advantage. Obviously steer clear from those that do take advantage and make the girls into their slaves. But this couldve been prevented had anybody bothered extensively looked into who they were going to. Some girls go out with a mentality that everything should come to them; they don’t need to work.. I’m not saying that shluchim should burn them out and overwork them. The shluchim just want the commitment and dedication that they give to be also felt by the girls. If this is not possible for a girl to do then just stay home !!!!

  • 125. Upsetted wrote:

    This is completely ridiculous.

    First of all going on Shlichus is not all fun and games. Its a lifestyle change. In the months before my group were trying to decide where to go, it was all about where the sun is, where theres fun entertainment , how many times can we come home, and how strict are the tzinus rules. THAT IS NOT SHLICHUS. It is not going out to enjoy all the comforts of home. You are giving your time, patience, blood, and sweat to the community you go to. The shluchim there have been doing this for however many years and you are there to help them. If you want a fun year hanging out , ‘chilling’ DONT GO.

    Thankfully, some girls in my group did understand what shlichus is, and went to places such as Moscow to help in an orphanage or to states that are not the most fun, because they were not going for themselves, they were going on shlichus, going out to bring yiddishkeit to people who aren’t as close as theyd like to be. The beach cant always come into this equation.

    This is definitely not the place to be discussing this, with kids that havent yet gone, people that have gone and had a great inspiring year, and the unfortunate girls who havent had a great year, angry parents whose kids didnot enjoy themselves, and hurt upset shluchim.

    To the writer: I truly am sorry you had a horrible time, if you can honestly say you did nothing to bring on anythign you say wasnt appropriate then your the minority.

    Many girls who go out either decide they know better and do things differently and that can cause huge frustration to the shluchim who have been doing this for years.

    Girls who go out on Shlichus. Think more of the ruchnius when youre looking, rather than sun beaches and entertainment. It’s not another year of highschool. Its a year of growth and maturity, and hopefully helping other people for once.

  • 126. source of the problem wrote:

    The problem is (in my humble opinion), that many go into working for shluchim, in a very delusional state. They think shluchim are these people who live extravagant easy lives, where money pours in like water, where everything is hunky dory with no real struggle. Shluchim (& shluchos) work their behinds off, and they pinch pennies to live on, and they sacrifice much. Then these bochurim and girls come with these Disney sort off images, and get totally turned off by the real world. And it’s the Shliachs fault for not making a aura of Disney land for them.

    Boy and Girls: I appeal (as a bochur myself, I know the way my friends think) to you; If you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen! Shlichus involves loneliness, small pay (yes, even late on occasion!), mesiras nefesh, taking crap (pardon my French) from people with a smile (boy, do married shluchim know what this means!), meager accommodations, non Crown Heights food standards, and assisting the shliach in odds and ends. These girls and boys think that the shluchim go out to billionaires for coffee, eat out with balibatim all day, get tours of their balibatims mansions etc. and then give all the real work to the “victimized” boys and girls (I’m sure while these complainers are busily venting on this silly forum, their bosses are out hustling or worrying how to make ends meet).

    Just like serving in the military is not for everybody (and if your looking for lucrative perks, and easy life, then look elsewhere my friend), so too, doing a one year (and certainly a lifelong) stint of service in the Rebbe’s Army, is also not for everybody. If it’s not for you, you don’t have to apologize to anybody, just stop your public attacks on the Rebbe’s Army. If you have a concern with a personal Shliach, find another Shliach to work for, call Rabbi Kotlarsky. If you are being seriously abused, which I highly doubt ever happened, contact local law enforcement (they do a heck of a better job in helping abuse victims, than the anonymous readers and posters).

    Summary: If you are a disillusioned type of person; do your self, shluchim, and the Rebbe a favor: Don’t take these shlichus jobs!

  • 127. Shliach in the US wrote:

    To Shmuli S
    That is a disgusting comment.
    and I am a Shliach ben Shliach.

  • 128. shliach in the US wrote:

    to 777
    The Rebbe is absolutley against going to college even for financial reasons. The Rebbe made this very clear in many places. Do a search anywhere and you will find this.

  • 129. For Those who asked for a source for... wrote:

    The Rebbe wrote an entire article against Frume Yidden attending college, which was printed in The Jewish Press in the 60’s or 70’s. (That article used to hang in the LA Yeshiva Zal for years, that’s how I saw it)

  • 131. Shliach dor shlishi wrote:

    Here’s a glossary of terms for this barrage of comments:

    “thankfull” = thankful

    “truely” = truly

    “BY WHO?” = by whom?

    “unbinding contract” = nonbinding contract

    “dismissed by many faculties” = dismissed by many faculty

    “dont think of anyone but there own needs” = …but their own…

    “I whould like to add… whould the rebbe have!?” = I would… would the Rebbe…

    “many great expeirences” = great experiences (remember, i before e…)

    “this editorial will recieve” = will receive (remember, except after c…)

    “from the shliachs percpective” = shliach’s perspective

    “A BIG PROBLOM… JUST WASTING THERE TIME…” = big problem, their time

    “obviously this is children of” = these are children…

    “To my shluchim I hope your reading” = you’re reading…

    As for innocent typos, this one takes the cake: “THANK BEFORE YOU ACT!”

    Maybe “collage” isn’t such a bad idea after all….. :)
    As for substance, there is so much nonsense in this that it hurts.

    Example: The girl who never got a thank you but was told off for getting married before the end of the year… I detect some cause and effect here. The kind of person who deserves a thank you is not often the same person who reneges on a commitment.

    Example: The girl who definitely descended b’ruchnius… see the Rebbe’s comments on one who is “torrid l’miflat, lo bolla” and ask yourself if you really went to teach or perhaps there was some other motive.

    Example: The thinking girl who has a drive to go to college (she capitalized College for some reason) because there’s nothing else to do…. I think everyone here can agree that’s like the very worst reason to go!
    In closing, there’s a fire burning. Stop kvetching and start woking!!

    Moshiach Now!!

  • 133. To Shmueli S wrote:

    As a shliach myself, I want to say that I am disgusted by what you wrote (“Farmers”). Denigrating Chasidim because they do not live outside of CH on Shlichus is not what Chasidus and Shlichus is about, quite the contrary!

  • 134. Shliach turning the table around wrote:

    I would just like to turn around the table and say that although I agree with the author 100% that Shluchim need to take VERY good care of the girls and bochurim they bring out, and that unfortantley there are Shluchim who do not, however, there are girls and bochurim who come and take advantage of Shluchim. There is no longer this feeling of “Shlichus” amongst them. This is a job, something to do for the Yom Tov, summer or the year. They demand very high salaries, not keeping in mind the financial difficulties of a Shliach and demand on top of that many more things that a Shliach is not capable of providing.

    A Shliach can no longer bring down a Chazan for less than $2000, unless he wants someone who is inexperienced, sounds likes frog and has no idea what the nusach is. It’s just not right.

    So yes, Shluchim need to do their best to treat the girls and boys like kings and queens. They need to especially show appreciation and fulfill their promises.

    But at the same time, the bochurim and girls that go out there need to be less selfish, more understanding, and more botul to themselves rather than to their own pockets.

  • 135. Shliach turning table around #2 wrote:

    I also want to add, that there are times that you bring boys and girls down and they are not very helpful, like THEY said they would be. So they do not fulfill THEIR promises. They lazy around, wake up late, do not what they’re supposed to do and cause a Chilul Hashem in front of your BB.

    I do want to mention that do NOT agree with Shmuly S whatsoever. The Lubavitchers in Crown Heights ARE Shluchim in their own rights. Many are michanchim, trainigng the future Chassidim & Shluchim of the world; many have fremde mentchen come to their houses all the time; and MANY support us Shluchim out there, and we could not do it with out them!

    This term “farmers” was created by “Detroiters” who are known for their great lack of Ahavas Yisroel and Derech Eretz. Such an attitude is disgusting, wrong and completely against the ways of the Rebbe.

  • 136. Mottel wrote:

    Re college:

    The problem is how to make a living to pay for your kids yeshiva when the yeshivas won’t take no for an answer… being frum and being chasidish is expensive, having a professinoal qualificatino goes a long way to getting a job

    Also Beis Rivka takes girls as teachers with college degrees!!!!!!

  • 137. to the person who wrote: wrote:

    to the person who wrote:
    if you knew the way this girl behaved i dont think you would want to apologize or hug her, if you were her mom you would berate yourself “how did i raise such a daughter?”, you dont know the half of it…
    Dont be so quick to judge your fellow shluchim…
    well i dont know the other half of it so kindly enlighten us all!!!
    newayz even if i did know, nothing warrants this discracefull behaviour from these particular shluchim.
    as mentioned above, these girls are not asking for more money, all theyre asking for is to be APRECIATED! and for someone to acknowledge them and to say thank-you
    is that so hard???
    these shluchim should be thinknig how they were brought up without manners

  • 138. berl wrote:

    To Shmuli S-
    Just do me one favor- please don’t come to crown heights for any conventions or chassidishe yomim tovim, and make sure not to buy anything here. you don’t need us and we don’t need you.

  • 139. girl wrote:

    These particular girls are not asking for money they are not spoilt (like some of you are saying) all they are asking for is apreciation…..not to be ignored and to be fed properly so that they can do their shluchus work properly…… cant compare this to getting married and doing all the house wrk etc…b/c your family and husband appreciate that hopefully……..saying thank you never harmed anyone.

  • 140. Chanie wrote:

    Girls and boys: NEVER NEVER GO ON SHLICHUS UNTIL YOU SPEAK TO PREVIOUS EMPLOYEES OF THE SHLIACH/SHLUCHA or you risk ending up with one of these experiences, and only yourself to blame! Ask the shliach for the name(s) of a girl/boy who worked for them RECENTLY and is not RELATED. if the shliach is reluctant to give you a name, or the boy/girl says the experience was miserable, then DON’T GO! call at least 4 people to confirm that the shliach is not abusive. There is a facebook group that has a list of Shluchim who are simply BAD EMPLOYERS and seriously mistreat boys/girls.

    My sister is in seminary now and is thinking of going on shlichus next year. She is capable, hardworking, full of life and energy, and is the type to stick it out for a year and accept mistreatment without complaining. Any normal Shliach would love to have her. Any abusive Shliach would ruin and destroy her.

    before she goes anywhere, i will call every person i can beforehand to make sure the shliach she is considering working for does not have a reputation for mistreating his “interns”.

    and to the shluchim who are readers of these comments:
    if occasionally there is a clash (personality, goals, work style) between you and your boys/girls, then all of this does not apply to you. the article is directed to the shluchim who constantly abuse every one of their “interns” … i call this a PATTERN.
    to those in denial that shluchim could do all of the so-called dramatized “crimes” outlined in the article and posts…IT’S TRUE!! And IT HAPPENS!

    my final comment: to shluchim who mistreat “interns” because of their financial situation: A smile and a word of appreciation are free.

  • 141. A prominent Shliach wrote:

    Simply amazing, how some people are just in denial so instead of responding properly to the article they attack the “disillusioned” boy/girl, they go out on a defense of the Rebbe’s “army”, they come up with solutions as “find yourself another shliach” etc. etc. etc.

    The fact remains that many shluchim (abuse was the word used in the article) misuse the bochurim/girls they bring out for 1. cheap labor 2. personal usage (not their job description) and act arrogant, do not show adequate appreciation thus giving really bad lingering taste to those young idealistic potential future “soldiers” “trailblazing” shluchim.

    The above is a fact! A statement such as do your research, leave etc. while true does not weed out the “mentchliche” problem which of course is not a klal but a prat (albeit MANY protim)

    SOME of my personal experiences as a bochur.

    1. Spent over 12 hours (the entire night) helping a new shliach move from CH to his new location. Proper appreciation was not shown. Nor was any food provided (I missed supper in OT because of this).

    2. I was brought out by a shliach to Long Island to help out with his peuolos which turned out to be helping him set up his dining room, shlepping chairs etc for his wife’s b’day party. When that party started I was left in a side room on my own with the family celebration taking place.

    3. Was brought out by a shliach woke for a 6:30am minyan, after which the shliach dropped me off on a street corner with a list of houses to go visit. NOT A WORD ABOUT BREAKFAST TO A RUMBLING STOMACHE (It was in a city where you cannot purchase kosher food on the st.)

    4. Was brought out with a group of bochurim to a “program” officially yeshiva learning etc. in reality it was just a ploy for the shliach to collect funds from various foundations. With no real intention and regard to what bochurim really need to do i.e. learn torah.

    5. The money issue of being paid ontime is a serious issue accross the board, especially in the educational system. In my opinion it’s a lack of work moral and ethics that cause administrators to fall back on payments. when there is a will there is a way, and except for those select few that close down everyone usually manages to pull through. So why not pull through a few weeks earlier i.e. ON TIME.

    These were just some very basic examples, I’m sure there are plenty more and worse. It does boil down to mentchlichkeit, however there are shluchim out there who feel that “we are the REbbe’s army” “they are farmers” the world belongs to me, everyone deserves to service me and my needs. which usually results in what this author wrote.

    Yours truly,
    A prominent Shliach

  • 142. the farmer in the dell wrote:

    And to Shmueli S: shteching for the sake of shteching and nastiness for the sake of nastiness should not be the type of behaviour associated with a Lubavitcher Chossid, be he a shliach or a farmer in the feild, or a baker in the feild for that matter!

  • 143. the right way to go about it wrote:

    The writer has obviously brought up an issue that needs to be addressed. However, the forum and manner in which it was done was completely inappropriate. The overly dramatic writer succeeded in bringing this issue into the spotlight, but if constructive criticism was the goal then a little more self respect and respect for shluchim and shlichus in general,would have been in order.

    The Nshei Newsletter once printed a practical and constructive,letter or article with point by point advice to BOTH the girl/bochur and the shluchim about how to make this relationship work. Something in that vein would have been a little more befitting.

  • 144. a girl wrote:

    Im just wondering… this article and its comments illustrate a problem in many places, not just in the writers particular case, but IS ANYTHING ACTUALLY BIENG ACTIVELY DONE ABOUT THIS SITUATION? are shluchim reading this and thinking,’hey is this what im doing to my girls?’, or is this just another article where everyone is venting their frustration and nothing actually being done about this situation.
    People have been commenting that this forum may be inapropriate, and there are other ways of going about this, but obviously nothing is working. As mentioned, something to this affect was written in N’shei, and still the problem exists.
    I appluade these girls for having the courage to speak up, not only for themselves but representing many boys/girls throughout the world!

    So to all those deeming this article inappropriate, its very nice of you to sit at home comfortably in Crown Heights, or wherever you are, and state your opinions, but obviously these girls have tried other measures and nothing has worked, and they feel this may be the only way to get the message across.
    Gluck guyz, i hope your shluchim realise what they are doing to you, and start behaving like real Chassidim of the Rebbe

  • 145. MVH wrote:

    Re: college. The Rebbe’s opinion on college is well known, “vehamefusomos einon tzrichos ra’ayoh”. There’s even a letter where the Rebbe tells the writer that “you know very well my opinion, why are you asking?”. But at the same time there were many individuals whom the Rebbe told davka to go to college. I know someone who *didn’t want* to go to college and the Rebbe told him that his shlichus for these years was to be a college student and behave there as a chassidishe bochur should, and *after college* he could come and learn in 770. So there is a klal and there are exceptions.

    Nowadays unfortunately we can’t ask the Rebbe directly for a straight answer on whether to go or not. But we have mashpi’im and “asei lecho rav”. If you truly think that in your circumstances college is appropriate, ask someone you trust, someone who knows you and has your interests at heart, but isn’t a nogeia badovor.

  • 146. lady farmer EIEIO wrote:

    some us farmers do hafatza with ny’ers that would NEVER step into any chabad house.

  • 147. to shmueli s. wrote:

    define bittul. since when is depriving yiddishe neshamos of food an act of bittul?

  • 148. hey webby wrote:

    how about requesting from your readers clear, specific lists of mentshlich and ois-mentshlich behaviors. not just the ones related to this article. then edit this into an one easy-to-read list. we could ALL benefit from this.

  • 149. re: a prominent Shliach wrote:

    I believe that you’re a shliach, like a hole in my head. With the anonymous nature of the web you can easily make such claims. I, for one, don’t believe you. If you happen to be a shliach, you obviously don’t run a moisod (as evidenced with your total lack of understanding of administration which you display, such as a late paycheck). If my speculation is wrong, and you are a “prominent” (you obviously don’t suffer from a low self esteem) Shliach, why do you hate yourself?

  • 150. Girl on shlichus wrote:

    My heart goes out to the girls, and I know there are many of you, who are mistreated and/or abused by Shluchim.
    As someone who has and is still having a wonderful experience working for Shluchim, though, I feel morally obligated to respond to this article.

    I started working for Shluchim – teaching in a day school – straight out of seminary. Excited, inspired, driven, on a nice floaty cloud. My little bubble lasted for a nice while, and then the reality of life and real, hard, at times frustrating work set in. I started to clash with my shlucha, disagreed with her more often, was the object of her ire more than I liked.
    I was upset and disillusioned. My friend who I was working with even wrote up a draft of an article very similar to this one.
    Time passed. We stayed at out jobs. After all, we did have food, a car, and lodging, even if pay was pittance and we had to ask for it. The main problem was the Shluchim – ooh, how they made us mad! We thought they were inconsiderate, picked on us, were lazy… but if that’s starting to sound like the ventings of an immature girl – that’s because it WAS. Luckily for me (and my shluchim), I GREW UP.

    Guess what?

    I found out that when I explained myself to my Shlucha, she understood me. Not so inconsiderate. When I stopped trying to bend the rules, I stopped getting “slapped on the wrist”. Not being picked on. When I stopped being so full of it, I saw how hard the shluchim worked, every single day. Not so lazy.

    Looking back, I can attribute my difficulties to my own immaturity and self-involvement. (Though believe me, at the time I considered myself very mature. Don’t we all.) The best cure for that was and is hard, dedicated, work for a good cause. Like Shlichus.

    My heart goes out to the girls – and I know there are many of you – who are mistreated and/or abused by Shluchim.
    But before all the girls out there who are unhappy jump on the bandwagon and cry foul – take a good, long look in the mirror, and perhaps you’ll find that your actions and attitude can improve the situation you’re in. Maybe they’ve even caused the situation.
    Take charge of your life and be a better person. Maybe you should learn more often. Maybe you should stop learning so much and help out more often. Everyone’s different.

    As for my shluchim, I’m glad they put up with my narishkeit, and they are too – because I’ve been working for them for four years now. We get along extremely well, and I can truly see what wonderful, giving, dedicated, people they are. I only hope that when I have the zchus of going out on Shlichus one day, I can live up to the example they have set.

  • 151. Cha wrote:

    Reading these comments make me appreciate my first shlichus experience all the more. I taught in a cheder, was given a car and accommodations, my food and gas bill was paid, plus a small salary and 2 tickets home during the year. I was never left to starve and my work was appreciated.

    My only “complaint” was that I had way more freedom than I was really ready for at that age (18). I had a car of my own and no one really keeping track of my comings and goings. Shluchim, remember when you bring out a young girl or bachur, they’re not very worldly and experienced and they do need your guidance and supervision.

  • 152. Inspired by the shluchim i worked for wrote:

    I went on shlichus after seminary and had an unbelievable experience, it prepared me for what i’m doing now on shlichus and the shluchim i worked for were both mentchlich and inspiring and it is partly due to their inspiration that i am on shlichus myself.

    Yasher koach to them and all shluchim like them!

  • 153. anonymous wrote:

    being in a situation with shluchim that are doing things you feel are unfair and not ok for you, one must learn to stand up for oneself. you are doing shluchis, but at the same time things need to be good for you adn you have to be happy there. so when something seems wrong and you arent happy, respectfully and politely and logically tell the shluchim that it is not ok and how you wawnt it to be. i think they will listen and you will end up happy. things not working and you not doing anything is not the right way to go

  • 154. chaim wrote:

    I read about 25 comments and they all say the same thing
    1 thanks for writing this
    2 auther is right
    I have to say I disagree
    over the weekend this topic came up at the shabbos table and after expressing my opinion there was asked to share it with the rest of the world
    when a shliach brings down bochurim or girls it isn’t a full paid vacation to a exotic location
    personally I have worked for 3 shluchim in the past 18 months and I can honestly say I have no regrets or sour feelings I may not have been paid ontime but it was never a penny short at the end of the week one shliach would ask if iam ok financialy or should he make phone calls to scrape up enough money sometimes I sais yes sometimes I said no
    another shliach wouldn’t ask he was embarased that he didn’t have the money so when I needed cash I asked him and he would give it every time
    in my most recent shlichus I was chassed down by the shliach waiving bills in his hand saying take this while I still have it I know its extra but I may not have any later
    shlichus is tuff and if u get take the heat stay out of the kitchen

    if u need a thankyou everytime you close the lights at the end of the day then you have an issue tough it up a bit

    nobody is forgotten you go out on shlichus knowing the rebbe is with you and you let something like “he didn’t say thankyou” take the rebbe out of your shlichus
    iam not saying u shouldn’t be thanked but common to call no thankyou abuse is pushing way to far
    I currently have a 9-5 and the last time I got a thankyou I have to say was 2 months ago on shlichus

    although it may be a problem I belive its indavidual cases and dosnt warrent words like abuse humiliation or belitelment

    basically iam tring to say get a grip step up your game and know your place

  • 156. one long guilt trip wrote:

    Many years ago I was asked to travel out far away to help with a matzah bakery and I asked in return for money to buy myself a much needed hat for yom tov. i got my hat but till today 15 years later i ask myself if i should give the money back for the way i was made to feel.


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