Picture of the Day: Tznius Sign Response

In response to the ‘Tznius signs’ that were posted along Kingston Ave. two weeks ago,  a member of the Crown Heights community crafted her own sign in response.

(Photo by Deena Ringel)

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145 Comments

  • DOVID

    i agree…if you look at the people who are into the first sign you will see a pattern of people..

    while we follow the shulchan aruch and need to strive to it. it seems to me something is wrong the youth is not content…something is wrong somewhere.

  • Ch res

    2 wrongs do not make it right … Yes we have to and should be kind to each other and do good things/deeds .. Though it does not make it right for women to go against Yidishkeit and Halacha .. What falls into the category of modesty should be left to competent Rabbi’s … Flaunting one’s body and assets regardless of dressing is also not allowed .. Though making oneself look nice and beautiful should be done .. May we all have a healthy safe blessed New Year

    • abishter's right hand man

      Unless it’s your wife or daughter, it’s not really any of your business.

    • Simon

      1) Some people see the world with their own rose-colored glasses, some want others to see the world in their rose-colored glasses, and some just don’t know just when to look away.

      2) That being said, IF you know you are going to a certain community that largely has a particular unofficial dress code (let’s remember, this is America here) you should have respect for their sensitivities. [side note: And this has nothing to do with donning a Yarmukle at a wedding; that is personal choice. If people do not normally wear one, they would absolutely think twice, unless specifically offered one)

      3)Even if the people in the community are “right”, there us a right way to approach people.

  • dave

    Its normal when going to a community to respect the community dress code, nobody is being forced to dress a certain way but was asked in a very nice way.

    and it would be nice if people respected the community they were in

    just as if someone went to a jewish wedding they would put on a yarmulke and nobody would think twice of saying no

    • Dave

      Bull. This smacks of something Muslims would do. It is a bigger chilul hashem to post these signs for goyim than it is to put up with someone dressed the way they want to in America. And weddings aren’t held in PUBLIC on the STREET so your yarmulke argument is invalid.

    • Wrong

      The neighborhood does not belong to anyone, or any particular affiliation or organization. It is a part of NYC, and in this country you have the right to dress how you please, and go where you please. This is a free country, and Crown Heights does NOT belong to a bunch of Rabbi’s. So you nor anybody has a right to to tell anyone how they should dress in “your” community. It is NOT your community. You just live their. Get used to it.

    • Milhouse

      Dave, you have no idea what “chilul haShem” means. The gemara says insisting on tznius in public is a kiddush haShem.

    • Yeah right

      Going to a wedding as a guest, is a matter of respect.

      I’m sorry, but I’m not a ‘guest’ in your community. I need not your permission to enter roads and highways which we all pay our taxes and have our citizenship for. So, it’s absolutely not the same thing.

  • hand writing analysis

    As one who can analyse hand writing u can clearly c that this women wrote that out of anger. Also btw she is no better then those putting up the tznius signs, both try bringing out their opinion through signs.
    Ps if u don’t like the tznius signs them just dress modestly and the signs won’t b nessesary.

    • uhhhh

      Ps the reason they dont like the tznius sign is cuz the dont wanna dress modestly……if they did they wudnt care about the sign.

    • Hmmm...

      “… won’t b necessary.” Necessary? Wow don’t you have something better to do?

    • #tryagain

      you are saying they are pretty much the same based on the completely external fact that they both put up signs.
      thats like saying israel and gaza are the same because they both shoot at civilians.

    • to:hmmm....

      On the contrary, THIS IS what life is about and it’s not just necessary it’s highly important. by talking about tznius: u transform darkness (by not dressing tznius) into light (by dressing tznius). learn all about ( and with Hashem’s help hopefully you’ll apply it) it in Basi Legani from the Frierdiker Rebbe.

    • to:hmmm....

      On the contrary THIS IS what life is about. it’s not just necessary but highly important. by talking about tznius: u tranform darkness (when pple don’t dress tznius) into light (Iy”h they’ll come to dressing tznius). learn all about it (and with Hashem’s help hopefully you’ll apply the concept) in Basi Legani from the Frierdiker Rebbe.

    • Milhouse

      Hmmm, what could be better? The things listed on this sign are no more important than tznius

    • Yeah right

      Please, tell us more Mr Handwriting Expert.

      PS: You don’t ‘own’ communities. We live in a multicultural world, and we all pay taxes for those streets. I’ll dress how I like. You can choose to not get offended, I’ll keep my freedom to conduct my daily life without religious interference thanks.

  • awacs

    In other words: “Don’t look at my deficiencies; there are plenty of other things wrong with the world. You’re making me uncomfortable.”

    I object to her (it’s a her, right?) implication that tznius does not ‘matter.’ G-d thinks that it matters a lot, as we’ve discussed (in this forum and others) ad naseum.

    • Yeah right

      Um, not everybody has faith in your deity? If I don’t believe in yours, why would I feel it matters a lot?

    • Milhouse

      If you don’t believe in G-d then why would we care how you feel? G-d exists, and gave us laws, and we care about them. What you think or feel doesn’t change that.

    • to #26 Yeah Right

      Are you a christian or muslim? if so then you are by default a believer in the fact that G-d created the world. It is HIS world, not yours. And HE wants you to dress and act in a moral way. Remember the story of SODOM AND GOMORRAH? Destroyed because of their sodomy and lack of modesty?
      Who gave you the right to disregard G-d’s command?

  • Ignorance is the root of any problem.

    Of course every mitzvah is precious, however we can came to this world as the generation expecting Moschiach with a real challenge where we failed numerous times and is to acquire Emunah Sheleima and only holiness is conducive to that.
    If you dress like a harlot even all your chesed is not accepted if you provoke issues on a man for shmirat eynaim and also bringing shalom bayis issues to other couples, there is a cardinal rule woman dressing no following the rules of torah will have 100% her husband watching other women. This will never bring peace at home.
    Tons of tragedies happen for lack of purity and tznius.
    Investigate this matter deeply, on Jerusalem a terrible plague struck killing tons of people at the end of the 1800″s and was revealed to a tzadik because the women of Jerusalem derived pleasure from wearing a belt to shape their bodies and we are speaking about women super tznius. We don’t want soldiers getting killed help them and dress tznius,you in America Los Angeles , Miami, dressing like a Bas Melech can save tons of lives and you can enjoy many blessings, choose wisely your personal journey is between you and Hashem, you like to see your body :dance on the mirror naked but don’t damage others in your vulgarity and provoke lewdness in others appearing on the streets with provocative attire.
    This is a major folly and never a happy ending.
    Daven to Hashem to help you overcome this.

  • Chavah

    Isnt this a bit hypocritical? This sign matters just as much/little as the one its attacking.

  • SEREL MANESS

    BOTH ARE IMPORTANT,THE AIBERSHTER WANTS US TO DO MITVAHS PROPERLY,NO COMPROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • good intensions

    I know that there was a long discussion about this poster on social media. The original poster of the poster (no pun intended) said it was meant to be a message that we shouldn’t judge and there are other things that are also important such as, the things listed, not meant to say tznius isn’t ALSO important. But the last line clearly shows the writer does mean Tznius isn’t important because it says the things that are listed should be done because you could “spend more time doing things that matter” which would imply tznius issues don’t matter.

    This poster would have been so much better if it left out that last line. Because we have many issues to address in the community, and let’s not fool ourselves that tznius is not at the top of list. To say tznius in crown heights has fallen would be an understatement.

  • Miri Cohen

    Wow. Something that should be considered.
    Also, we should always be considerate to each other. Men should not have a voice in this. It is for women to decide.

    • Men could make a huge difference here!

      If every father and every husband would unequivocally expect tznius dress from their wives and children, AND put their money where their mouths are (that is, only pay for clothing for their wives and daughters that is 100% tznius), it might not completely solve the problems, but it would significantly change the level of tznius in this community — for the better!

    • To #14

      What a great idea. Men should say nothing. Guess what THEY don’t. Otherwise the women would not dress untzinus, whether in their house or outside. Can not imagine how undressed they are in their homes and family life. Most importantly in their very untzinus minds. Look at the poor children from these people. So men, with a little “m”, like bais din, rosh yeshivahs, teachers, mashpiim, continue to keep quiet as usual, and make the poor girleys happy.

    • Change your thoughts

      First of all why are you even imagining how they are dress in their own homes?

    • Milhouse

      Men can’t control what women do, any more than they can control what other men do, or women can control what other women do. In the end each person decides for him or herself, and nobody can do anything about it. See the Mitteler Rebbe’s letter about his visit to R Akiva Eiger.

    • Yeah right

      Who are you to decide what ‘proper clothing’ is?

      Crown Heights is 70% african-american in demographics. To declare it a Jewish Community is like a dog peeing on a lampost and saying “THIS IS MINE”.

  • Please educate yourself

    Please look in parsha ki seitzei perek chof Gomel posuk tes vov and you will see what matters to Hashem.

  • Chaim H.

    Modesty is just as important as the Mitzvot mentioned on the bottom of this sign.

    The same Torah (g-d) that damand tefillin, charity, love of a fellow…etc….damands modesty.

    Now, weather i pray or piy on tefillin etc… that between me and g-d Almighty. But someone walking down the street dressed immodest, that already involving the public in your sin.

  • DG

    To the Jews in Crown Heights: Every time I come to Crown Heights, I get harassed and tormented by a certain dysfunctional family that was welcomed with open arms by the community. Next week I am forced to abstain from attending a family simchah in Crown Heights, because I just can’t go there without members of this family seeing me and then going around spreading evil lies about me and causing others to join their bandwagon. So, yes, Jews of Crown Heights, be put in your place by these signs. Dressing super-tzniyusly and eating kugel on Shabbos does not impress Hashem or the Rebbe when you’re acting like savages, spewing hatred, slander and blood libels on innocent people.

    • Amen

      Amen to that! First and foremost one should be a decent, loving, caring, kind, compassionate, non-judge mental human being. I’m sorry you are going through this.

    • Seriously?

      You won’t come to a family simcha because some people tell you to dress appropriately???

      No, you won’t come because you want to make a point, or because you feel embarrassed to dress like you do. By the tone & language of your post you seem to have a big enough mouth that you wouldn’t keep quiet & just take it. I’m sure you are rude & agressive & I’d bet the “dysfunctional” family don’t scream at you.

      3rd guess – you were asked to keep away or not even invited because you upset your parents/family members. And don’t bring the Rebbe in to justify dressing like a slut because (in your opinion) you are a wonderful, spiritual, GOOD person. Dragging the Rebbe into your arguments just shows how desperate you are to have the rest of us approve of you. Obviously, many people don’t.

    • Chavah

      Reply to “seriously?” Stop your Lashon Hara. You have no idea what the situation is. For all you know, DG is a man in long pants. Tone of their writing? Youre the only one with a tone. This is the problem with our people. The Rebbe would not approve of you calling someone a bad name.

  • yes and yes

    Both are true, you are right however lets not forget the very fabric and foundation which has helped us survive throughout the years- tznius.
    The polar ooposite of tznius is assimilating into society-ultimately assimilation, Gd forbid.

  • Shliach

    One doesn’t negate the other. The Rebbe spoke and wrote much about upholding the hilchos tznius in the most mehudardike manner, likewise the things listed on this placard. It’s not either or, it’s both!

  • If you're Jewish, there ARE Halachot

    Being smart-mouthed does NOT change the issue. Those of us who keep Torah are ALSO full of ahavas Yisroel, give tzedaka,…BUT we ALSO care that a Frum neighborhood should LOOK frum, not like NYC… LOVE is a buzz-word for ‘get off my back’. Christians also spread love…………..

  • Utter stupidity

    Its right what she this lady wrote, but Halacha is Halacha and she is not addressing it.

  • While this person has a point....

    …nevertheless, it should not have been posted on the street like this; such a public putdown of one’s own fellow Yid is a chilul Hashem.

    It may be a valid argument to have, but not in public like this! BIG MISTAKE!

    (You might argue to me that the original sign was also a “public putdown of one’s own fellow Yid.”
    But no, the original sign was different: All it did was state what the Torah calls for–that is, local norms for the Orthodox Jewish community–and requested compliance with that, by Yid and by respectful neighbor alike! It didn’t, in essence, accuse fellow Yidden of being hypocrites, which is the “between the lines” text of the above handwritten poster.)

    • sharia

      what about sharia law
      we should force people??
      who are you to decide witch sign should be up?

    • To: "Don't be naive"

      (from “While this person….”): I did answer your question; I wonder if you read the whole thing that I wrote here. See the last paragraph.

    • To "Sharia" from "While this person..."

      You’re so out of line here that I suspect you’re a troll.

      But I’ll answer you anyway.

      I never said anyone should “force people” to do or not do anything.

      I pointed out the differences in the intent between the two posters, and I also noted that putting up this kind of hand-written response exposes internal Jewish-community issues to the non-Jews of our neighborhoods — conflicts which are not anyone else’s business. That’s why I called the response poster a “BIG MISTAKE” and a “chillul Hashem”.

      This was not a claim about “which [I corrected your spelling here] sign should be up”

      There is nothing even remotely resembling “Sharia” in the opinions I expressed here, and I think you know it.

      You and I are each free to have our own opinions on the signs. But your use of ad hominem attacks, otherwise known as cheap name-calling (“Sharia”), is the behavior of a bully who doesn’t know how to intelligently defend his or her viewpoints.

    • Torah Law

      To Sharia Law.

      The Gemarah brings a story that (I THINK) was with R Zeirah he was walking in the market and saw a woman dressed immodestly, he tore her clothing to embarrass her and when it turned out she was a non Jew he was required to pay for her clothing.

      The Gemarah infers from this that had she been Jewish he world have been exempt.

      While it may not be popular our fashionable the Torah has specific and strict standards to adhere to. For a already Torah observant person Tznuit is not something negotiable the same way that speaking in Shul, Kashrut and Shabbat are non negotiable.

      I am not saying that everyone should wear a burka but Tzniut for both sexes not just with clothing but in every aspect of a person’s life is not something that should looked at with contempt and a sense of obligation, but with an extreme feeling of thanks top our Creator because He chose us as an example from among the nations to be His children.

  • Most already do these good deeds!

    Most of the Yiddishe folks I know in Crown Heights already excel at one or many of the items on the list the poster-maker suggests!

    There is no crime in encouraging tznius dress in our community, which is yet another “good deed”.

    While some who don’t dress so very tznius are nevertheless big mitzvah-doers, there is nothing wrong with adding “dressing tznius” to the list of one’s mitzvot!

    Obviously, the Jewish person who wrote up this new poster on the street has personal issues with requests for tznius (which is all the original sign on the street was: a request!), but the fact is, dressing tznius IS important, whether one “likes it” or not.

    We all (Jew and non-Jew alike) do things we’d maybe on some level rather not do, because deep down we know that it’s the right thing to do. Dressing with appropriate modesty is one of the right things to do, along with all of the other good acts she/he lists: They’re ALL important things to do. One does not negate any of the others.

  • PS

    YOU CAN SEE THE PERSON WRITING THIS OBVIOUSLY IS MISSING SOME YIRAS SHMAYIM AS THE T ARE IN THE SHAPE OF A CROSS

    AND NOW ITS IN ALL THE JEWISH HOMES LOOKING AT THIS PAGE

  • Asifiwould

    Except that you are all missing the point. You live in a community with frum people not a frum neighbourhood. There are lots of people walking down the street in CH and some of them are obligated to laws of tzniut and some of them are not and some are obligated but choose not too – unless there is a law in Brooklyn obligated people to dress a certain way then those signs are simply an embarassment. Calling people a shiksa or harlot neither makes you right, nor those people actual harlots. Get your ducks in a row first.

    • Milhouse

      There is such a law in Brooklyn — and everywhere else. Hashem’s law is the supreme law of this and all other lands, and we were put in this world to tell people about it. If you’re embarrassed, that’s your problem, not anyone else’s. And if someone dresses like a harlot, they should expect to be called one.

    • Sigh

      Milhouse, good thing you don’t live in China. They would really like you over there.

  • To #10 --

    HARLOT??? HARLOT??? are you for real? So what is your definition of a harlot? If your sleeves are a drop too short, does that make you a harlot? If your top is too tight? For your information, here is the definition from the dictionary:
    “a prostitute or promiscuous woman”

    So basically you are calling my daughter a whore?? Nice, really nice. She did NOT write this out of anger, but out of frustration. She is a girl who has gone through the system, and has rejected it. She does not need some anonymous person telling her how to dress via a sign. While she does not dress the way I wish she would, she is her own person, who makes her own decisions. She is a beautiful, kind, caring girl.

    Her point is don’t go trying to change others until you have finished working on yourself. Maybe she picked the “wrong” mitzvos for you to work on. I know for sure she could have included:
    * dan l’chof zchus
    * shmiras halashon

    Maybe if you tried to approach the issue with love instead of a scowl, maybe you would reach the kids. Wanna know what is the most ironic thing here? Had she been a totally not frum girl, you would have been falling over yourselves to be kind to her; inviting her for shabbos, accepting her for who she is. But because she is a FFB, you are so quick to put her down.

    Harlot indeed. Just remember … the face is a mirror .. so when you look at her and see harlot, you are looking at yourself.

    • I feel sorry for you

      You are proud of your daughter? In your words, she rejected everything she grew up with. But that’s OK, she is a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD person.

      Perhaps if you set boundaries and told her you expect certain behaviors in your neighborhood, you would have a daughter who at least shows YOU some respect. She clearly doesn’t. You’re proud of that? You justify it? Not surprising she & her friends act like they do. Enjoy your “nachas”.

    • Agreed 100%

      Thank you. I couldn’t have put it better myself. To call someone a harlot because you don’t like the way she dresses makes you a despicable individual. It is people like that who are the reason for the increasingly growing number of youth who are rejecting their upbringing because of intolerant extremist Rabbi’s who don’t know moderation.

    • Citizen Berel

      Your daughter is a precious Jewish soul who has fallen very low. We do bring close, we do invite for Shabbos and we do accept people for what they are but who is this ”we’, surely not everyone? It is the we whom your daughter addressed in that public sign of hers. Low is when you have no respect for high things, like the Jewish community of Crown Heights. She is no a harlot and may well be as chaste as they come, but when she posted a sign and took a war stance against the holy ferocity underlying our frustration at the decay that grips much of our environment, she stepped out for the moment from the poor confused girl please respect me and bring me close role and into the I will fight against you don’t you dare try and stem the tide. But only for the moment, cause we all sin and all make mistakes, and she made a big one but will grow and learn. Don’t worry though, the anger and backlash is a sign of life and no doubt she will come around.

    • Milhouse

      If your daughter dresses like a harlot, maybe she is one. How are we to know otherwise?

      “Don’t go trying to change others until you have finished working on yourself” is the exact opposite of what the Rebbe taught us. If we took your advice we would never get around to trying to change others. Indeed, if you really beleived your own words you wouldn’t be talking to us, because you are certainly not perfect. And as you admit your daughter is very far from perfect, so if she really beleived that nobody who is not perfect should say anything to others, why did she make the sign?

    • promiscuous woman

      I guess that would be someone who dresses in a promiscuous manner, no? If she’d flaunting her flesh, she’s no saint.
      Maybe with this whole uproar she’s caused, your daughter will realize that there are MANY people who care about the Torah, and we will not accept when a child from our community is drowning in shmutz, to just stand there and watch her sink CV”S.
      No we will call out to her to save her.
      If you ever learned life-guarding, you will know that if a drowning person is struggling against you, you must subdue – to the point of unconsciousness if necessary CV”S) – him in order to rescue him.
      We, the frum Jews care about your daughter.
      We the frum Jews are trying to save her.
      You shouldn’t be so proud of her. Try to save her too.
      For goodness sake, if she really is your daughter, SAVE HER FROM DROWNING.

  • CH resident

    The woman who made the signs identified herself on facebook with this comment
    “” Just to clarify, these signs dont say that tsnuis is not important, i just meant that its something for each person to worry about for themselves, not for others to worry about for you. All im saying is that if people just worried about themselves and worked on spreading love and good deeds maybe this would be a bit of a better place to live. How can we expect other people to accept us if we cant even accept each other… “”

    • Milhouse

      If tznius is something for each person to worry about for themselves, then why are tzedaka, tefillin, davening, etc. any different? Why does she worry about these things for other people?

  • seriously?

    Dear Mrs sign writer,
    Please don’t decide which motzvos take precedence over others. The mitzvah of dressing tznius is written in the same Torah as giving tzedaka and ahavas yisroel.

  • folks are missing the issue completely.

    No one will argue that Tznius isn’t a Halachik mandate, and that ppl shouldn’t respect their surroundings etc.
    The issue is the placement of the sign, which clearly sparked unpleasant feelings in many people – valid or not! – it goes to show that these signs are ineffective and just alienate their target audience.
    And for those who scream in rage: but look at those harlots! How can we let them walk arouns OUR neighborhood dressed like that!”
    Well dont waste your time on useless counterproductive signs. How bout some education initiatives, launch campaigns, make workshops…
    If these people really cared, they would take the proper path in fixing this issue.

  • Ahavas Yisrael

    I love you and you love me,
    So let’s try to be the best that we can be.
    Every Jew is responsible for one another,
    Every Jew is a sister and brother.
    To make a dwelling place for Hashem is our aim,
    So let’s treat one another with respect and they will do the same.
    It pains others when Jews don’t dress tznius well,
    But it should be taught with ahavas Yisrael.
    When Moshiach comes-and let’s hope it’s today,
    Let’s bring him by doing all the mitzvos in the best way.

  • A regular crown heightser

    Why can we not stand up for our own morals in our own neighborhood? There are stores all over the country that state shirts and shoes a must. Where do we draw the line about what is important to us as a frum community? If one preceives a notice about tznius as offensive and a waste of time, then in the nicest and polite way, you probably would be more comfortable elsewhere.

    • Amused Observer

      Ah, gee, I don’t know why you can’t “draw the line” such as you’d like for the community. Oh, wait, it’s because there’s a difference between a private establishment and public streets.

  • Pick and choose

    One can not pick and choose which Mitzvah we want to keep and what not to keep. Yes some mitzvahs are more of a challenge to keep then others but we have to work on ourselves.

  • What???!!

    To the sign maker: maybe if U stop worrying about what other people worry about U will have extra time to do some good deeds yourself…very negative of u…fighting negativity with your own negativity is the dumbest thing u can do to accomplish your goal!!! U r no better than the ones worrying about others tznius!!! Go back to the drawing board on this one because your approach is just a copy cat of theirs!!!!

    • But with a difference

      Uh-huh, to a certain extent the reply is a copycat.
      But the original sign was not nasty and vindictive and accusatory, like this new reply sign is.
      A BIG DIFFERENCE!

  • SARAH

    Women should dress in an appropriate way in this neighborhood . We represent not only ourself but the Rebbe , our community, and the jewish people.
    I don’t agree that only women should have something to say on the subject . Husband and fathers should be concerned walking in the street in kappotah next to spouses or daughters dressed inappropriately.
    Obviously everyone is challenged in Mitzvot but I never saw someone put a sign up to say for exemple:
    . Just because that person feels ” attacked ” by the campaign.
    KNOW that It is a breach in Israel soul, everytime a woman is immodest . We want mashiach to come. We should not be silent , because if we are , we bare the responsability.

  • Andrea Schonberger

    It’s true that one should never judge a book by it’s cover. Some of the kindest people that I’ve come across would not pass muster with the tznius code.

    • We don't only do what is easy

      For the people you are talking about, apparently being kind is easier for them than being tznius.
      But we don’t only do what is easy in this life,

  • Seriously

    Face one thing at a time. If it is to dress tznius yes do it. Come on crownheights is forgetting about what is important for women and their own young girls. So many women have been seen outside with no tights no pantyhose it is almost as if they have made it okay to show your bare legs. And for the one who wrote the sign do other mitzvahs I believe everyone knows that get Real! Try to improve modesty. If you can not follow the crowd just emulate the Rebbetzin.

  • sarah

    men can,t be offended and disturbed by the way many women dress almost on a daily basis several times a day, boys ,bochurim and men who usually walked down the streets to go to pray and learn are comfronted with non tznius women it’s almost like an harassment , but women are mad at the signs….

  • Enough is Enough!!!

    Instead of putting in our own personal comments, why don’t you put in a translation of the original words of the Rebbe where he actually speaks about how tznius has an effect on the safety in Eretz Yisroel and also how it prevents tragedies from happening in communities.
    Last year on Rosh Hashana, the year started off with a bang!!!. I heard the crash of the cars where 3 Jews were hurt. Every week thereafter, I kept going from one shiva call to another, without any break.
    It is up to each and every one of us to stop this insanity. Each of us, how we behave and dress, affects the entire community. Our actions make a difference. Let us all act upon our good intentions and dress in tznius fashionable attire so that Hashem will bless us all with a happy, healthy, and sweet good year. May we all blessed and written in the book for a healthy year, long life, wealth, children, nachas and may we finally have the zchus to greet Moshiach tzidkeinu, now.

  • Contradiction?

    Is it so hard to be dressed and be nice?

    Actually being less dressed is showing u disrespect and certainly dont love ur fellow jew

    Anyway, GD makes the rules and decided we need to be tznius, and all the above- its not a pick-your- choices here.

    They ALL matter.

    So if you have a weakness in an area- work on it instead of shouting to the world that youre good at other stuff. It just makes you sound desperate to be accepted despite your blatant disrespect for Gd and His community here, and our Rebbe.

    We dont decide whats more or less important.
    But we do know that jews were protected when txnius ( bilaam) and the opposite unfortunately .
    And it also says how GD despises immodesty…. So lets not downplay tznius here in the name of love.
    Its the yetzer hara making u feel better while convincing u ur all good despite immodesty.

    May those who r struggling make the right choices….for Hashems sake, the REbbes, the community, and the welfare of yidden worldwide.

  • It doesn't make sense

    Why are so many unaffiliated Jews who see the truth, coming closer and accepting Judaism. Meanwhile our own youth who were fortunate to grow up with it, are dropping it. What’s wrong? Why is everyone making up excuses? We have the tools, knowledge and strength to persevere and not follow in the immoral ways of the fashion minded goyim.

  • If dress doesnt 'matter'

    Than why is it so hard to dress modestly according to halacha??

    Its hysterical how ppl who arent tznius blame those who r for being too into their dress-
    Lol- if you wouldnt b so into dress than you wouldnt be fighting txnius so much!
    its those who r too into dress that are finding it too hard to cover up-
    Good luck… stop taking your looks sooooo seriously and txnius will come easier.
    There r more important things in life than having to impress the public – and its a less stressful and competive life too when u make tznius a priority as opposed to fashion slaving away…..

  • It's like putting movie posters in Crown Heights.

    Sure, we can put movie posters on the bus stops. This community is not targeted with ads because of the nature of this community.

    Why are we denigrating one another?! Crown Heights will all its flaws, is filled with some of the warmest Chassidishe people who are committed to the Hashem and the Rebbes teachings.

    This sign is somehow supposed to deflect one mitzvah by suggesting that those who promote modestly are intolerant and don’t do other Mitzvahs.

    Many living in Crown Heights CAN live elsewhere. They choose to live in Crown Heights because they wish to adhere to a certain Jewish way of life and living here facilitates that.

    PLEASE SHOW RESPECT FOR THESE PEOPLE. You asked for other to be sensitive but you are not sensitive to the nature, culture and environment of the community you live within.

    • Asifiwould

      Many people live in CH because they are fearful of living elsewhere. They know that the weak foundation of which they would stand would crumble in response to the smallest insult.

      “! Crown Heights will all its flaws, is filled with some of the warmest Chassidishe people who are committed to the Hashem and the Rebbes teachings.”

      You reall need to get out of CH and see how other people live.

    • Incorrect

      Crown Heights is not targeted with ads not because of the “moral” nature of the community, but because it does not make sense from a marketing perspective. Don’t fool yourself. It just doesn’t make sense to spend money on advertising in a market segment that will not respond by purchasing the intended products. They could care less about your beliefs and feelings. Get over yourself.

  • LA MORAH

    picking and choosing which halachas WE FEEL are important and which are no fun. are we reform?

  • WHY DIDNT YOU SIGN YOUR NAME!

    it seems you know exactly what you are saying and decided to be the lawyer of all these girls/women who are NOT dressed according to halacha.
    Dont be ashame and show yourself like you show your legs and the rest..
    This is the Rebbe communauty and if you are not willing to dress like the Rebbe ask and you are going against the shulchan arouch so this is not a place for you to live
    This communauty family live here for years and growing up beautiful chassidish family following the shulchan aruch you want to dress as you wish, modern like the goyim your place isnt here, go to a surrounding of goyim for sure they wont have a bad influence on you they GOT you!
    why are you bringing the rotten apple among our children, our boys, our husband, our zeidi,
    you want to do as you wish go but leave CROWN HEIGHTS….
    its becoming unbearable to walk in the street: confusing the kids
    she is covering her hair but not her elbows and her knees Mommy is she jewish!!
    in the kids eyes you are in the edge of a question >is she jewish!! we have to daven for them they are lost neshama!!
    what can a mother tell her daughters this girl is deciding witch halacha she is choosing,,
    you have no idea what you are bringing upon yourself and klal israel.
    kol yehudi arevim ze leze,
    these girls that dress like that most of them their parents arent into their lives they are lost they want attention so they going for the negative attention
    go check your daughter twitter, facebook, twitter instagram a list of 300 friends and mainly goyim and go see what are their comments!!!!!!!!
    WAKE UP ITS NOT A TZNIUS PROBLEM ITS WAY BEYOND, IT WILL BECOME ME YEHUDI,dont tell me these girl arent in touch with goyim guys.. how could you be 100% sure that she wont come back pregnant ..
    you dont care about how she is dressed
    you dont care who she is chatting with
    you wont even care who she is marrying
    you have no idea how that could turn really bad,,, but why because these girls need attention this is the only reason you are getting dress like that
    and to light the fire among the jewish communauty making a statement: NO ONE WILL TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! but you are so wrong so so so wrong and this is a sign of sososososo mother wake up
    i cant bear heaing the answer:
    this is the new generation..
    one day they will come back
    this is not the way to take care of the problem Generation of lost neshama that the onlly thing they found to get the attention is to be undress
    not tznius bring to many different other problem
    smoking cigarettes
    smoking drugs (go check Brooklyn jail!!!!) girls!!!
    alcohol (girls walking down the street a bottle in a bag what do you think she is drinking coke!!!!?
    not succeeding in school
    being in the street lost
    being dress modestly its another way of thinking the root is different, the branches, the leaves, the fruits everything is different.

    were are our IDENTiTY . it says that women kept their identity for years and generations
    and im sure you were in school and felt so good when the teacher told you but we the jewish nation we are different with strong root, the women then didnt assimilate to the goym way of getting dressed and this is where crown heights came from with the Rebbe and all the other chassidish communauty and you girls because of you this generations is stopping here
    IN THE YEAR OF 2014 women decided to do it differently because of different reasons cited above
    this is what your grand children will here from their teachers… that once …
    hopefully moshiach will come even if we are not the one that brought him but because in our community, the righteous one and their tefilos will bring him.
    BOTTOM LINE you want to dress as you wish,

    Moshiach is
    On his way but women with no
    Virtue
    Eliminate our chance

    A man is standing there on a
    White horse
    Awaiting
    Yidden to make teshouva

    • The one who made the posters

      You are living in a bubble. Who are you to tell me to leave crown heights? Are you going to start telling everyone who doesn’t live up to your standards to leave crown heights? Its so sad to me to see such ignorance, and hate for a fellow Jew! Why are you better than me because I don’t meet your standards? Because I’m not religious anymore, I am any less of a person, or G-d loves me less than He loves you? Where does it say that in the Torah?
      And if you want to get into my personal reasons for not being religious on your level, all I have to do is tell you my countless, disgusting experiences being accosted by complete and random strangers when I first moved to Crown Heights, for my skirt being too short, my collarbone showing etc… when I was simply just less strict about tsnius then others. And now, I do not find the desire to dress religiously at all due to all of that. And yes i have countless stories. I always heard Chabad was supposed to bring you closer and yet from the moment I moved to Crown Heights and got nothing but judgement and hate, I feel such a distance from it all and have been pushed away time after time. But BTW, I am not planning to leave anytime soon, I live her and I plan to stay here, and I’m not going to apologize for that.
      Hillel said: “love your fellow Jew as you love yourself” Why do you pick and choose who you love?
      It’s also so sad for me to see how you think that this is such a huge problem, you blame the parents automatically, and you jump to crazy conclusions that do not happen to EVERY girl who dresses immodestly. Grow up and think for yourself for once and maybe you would be a kinder person, more understanding of everyone’s personal struggles and journey, and then maybe, just maybe you could learn to stop judging everyone who is not exactly like you.
      That being said, I have nothing but compassion towards you and I sincerely hope that you are able to overcome this unfortunate trait you posses for whatever reason and maybe you will see your world could be so much more peaceful and enjoyable when you dont have to worry about everyone else’s business all the time. Live and let live! Let each person answer to G-d on their own. Good luck!! :)
      -Chanie Paley
      Poster of the posters :)

    • abishter's right hand man

      Unless it’s your daughter or wife, it’s none of your business how some other female is dressed. That’s between her and God.

    • It depends

      A not-yet-tznua who’s on her way up is welcome.

      A Yid who’s not dressing tznius because she’s on her way down is also welcome, but she shouldn’t be surprised if people have complicated reactions to her. You have to expect that folks will want to talk to you about it, if you choose this “pay attention to me!” behavior of dressing without tznius.

      You can’t make the fashion statement of “look at me!” and then expect people to ignore you.

      But we have to love our fellow Yid. Love doesn’t always mean acting like anything goes, but we don’t harshly reject out-of-hand either.

  • Isha, Yiras Hashem

    I was at a chasuneh were there were some co-workers of the Kallah, and both mothers, in attendance.
    Please tell me, why were these Black non-Jewish women more concerned with covering their bodies appropriately than some of the Kallah’s friends?
    Is it right that a non-Jew cares more about G-d’s commandments that the writer of the new sign?
    To the women, black, white, asian, non-Jew and Jew alike, who flaunt your bodies, just keep in mind what the Rebbe says, that women who have no sense of self-worth (i.e. no pride in their spiritual accomplishments, their good character traits, their contribution to society), will flaunt their bodies instead.
    Is this the message you want to share with the world? That you are a nobody whose only asset is your body? How very very sad.
    Please put on some clothes before you leave your home. Because even if you don’t realize it, you must have something more valuable than your looks.

  • Esthi

    before trying to remove the speck in your neighbor’s eye off the beam that is in thine

  • To #59 --

    My daughter DID identify herself (on Facebook). Comments like yours and many other posters here are WHY kids are going off the derech. You think I’m happy with the situation? You think I am a lousy parent because of it? Well, think again. I know of only a few families that are not having issues with kids. Get real. Telling my daughter to move out of CH because she doesn’t conform to your standards? So where should she go? Would you be happier if she lived in the Village and was smoking dope. (Oh wait. She can get that in CH if she wants.) CH needs to wake up and smell the coffee. If you don’t save the kids we have no future. Instead of arguing about what she meant by the sign and what an awful person she is, maybe reach out to her and show her some love! Hashem knows we’ve tried from our end. She has left our home and chosen to live in CH, which, IMHO says a huge thing. Instead of making her feel like trash, why not make her feel loved?

    And in case you are wondering … I am one of the most tzanuiah ladies in my community. My daughter had an example; she chose not to follow it.

    I used to think CH was such an awesome place. I guess it really has changed since we lived there. I really don’t remember any sicha in which the Rebbe said we have to bash people over the head in order to get them to keep mitzvos. Can someone please enlighten me as to which sicha this was and when it was said?

  • Asifiwould

    To #39 – My heart is with you. By calling your daughter harlot they actually mean “brave, thoughtful, wise”. If your daughter is a harlot then count me in. Id rather be a harlot than a sanctimonious judgemental know it all.

  • honest one

    its the machlokes between the rabonim that keeps the tznius on a very low level, how does a community as ours choose the likes of these people,one “rov” worse than the other.heaven help us all.

  • SecondThat

    Yes, tikkun olam starts from the inside out. Criticizing those who are hurting no one is far less productive than tzedakah, tshuvah, bikkur cholim, constantly being aware of one’s self, and fighting issues that more appropriately live up the word “injustice.”

  • Hillel Hazoken

    Fellow CH yidden,

    Tznius, while a very important mitzva, should not be a divisive issue. Do not do onto others (point out their faults, call names, argue in a rude fashion, etc.) what you would not done to yourself!

    Hillel

  • not only dresiing

    tznius is not only about dressing
    is also showing off your lexus your italian furniture
    your 3 carats diamonds thats all part of tznius!!!!

  • Someone who lived in crown hights

    It’s funny how it says spread the love on the bottom when this truly showing how we’re spread apart

  • To number 60

    We do worry about those other things that is why we have shluchim! Who ever wrote the TZNIUS sign first good for you!!!! Crownheights is suppose to be the frum community! Yes mothers do need to show their young girls what tznius is!

    • haha

      Our shluchos do not wear hose, short skirts, v-necks, etc.
      They are the worst examples.

  • CH resident

    Where has our sensiti it’s and halo hik standard gone so so so far way down? There is a shulchon aruch. To the father of this girl – it sounds that you Re condoning this. Either this is who you are and are happy about this as you are also flaunting yiddishekeit or you Re such a whimp that you have no say in your family. Anyway, there is absolutely no justification for dressing like a shikse. This girl obviously has many issues in her life as does the family. And not all issues are shulchon aruch related. You are looking for attention. And if you are married, you need a lot a lot of marriage counseling. If you Re single sign your name so decent Bochurim might not by mistake get stuck with you.

  • Citizen Berel

    G-d save us from shameless creatures like what put up that sign daring to advise the entire CH Jewish community on their service of G-d.

    The previous sign was written wrongly. Should have said ‘this, being a Jewish community, is one part of but a small remnant of human social environments in the United States and greater New York. So, please, while here take a breath and pretend you are human and dress with dignity, as if you were human or believed that there exists such a thing. Just like you respect various endangered species and preserve their habitat so that they can flourish in their little space. Don’t fear, this isn’t Jewish thing, which is why you’ll never see a sign enjoining you to lay off the cell on Saturday, but a human thing, cause we, Jews, have this quaint view that regards you as human as well. Don’t worry, cause you can always hop on 4 and return to the metropolis of enlightenment where everyone knows that humans are just animals and take it all off!

    Enjoy your stay”

    • Citizen Berel

      I regret that I wrote shameless creature. The author of the sign is a yid and all yidden have shame and this was a shameless act. So shameless act but not shameless creature. I apologize to the author of this terrible sign. (And to her mother, see up-thread)

  • @Ignorance is the root

    Believe it or not, most of those people could not give two tosses about you (the stranger on the street). They dress for themselves, and how they dress is between them and Hashem. If being not tzniertz (which can range between wearing socks and walking around naked) is the thing that distresses you so greatly that you come on here and talk about them looking like shiksas and pritzut and basically calling them street walkers then what does that say about you as a person? That doesn’t sound very modest to me. Why don’t you all look into your own lives and own homes first? Not only will you be too busy to have impure thoughts because pf a stranger on the street, but you will be putting time into making the world a better place. When you get all that sorted out, then come back to me and I might take you all seriously.
    This may have been mentioned but I haven’t read the comments yet. The whole approach is wrong. We don’t have to be tznius to ‘protect the men’ (are they babies?). And you can’t tell people that dressing tzniusdig will bring health and parnassah because it sure hasn’t worked for me. Tznius begins not with counting inches or ice cream bribes, but with modeling correct behavior. Yes, behavior in addition to dress. When non frum people are attracted to yiddishkeit through shluchim, they are not attracted by the shlucha’s long skirt but by the whole package of erlichkeit and mentchlikeit. You can be 200% tznius but treat other people like garbage and what message does that give? Focus first on your behavior. Show you care. Model politeness and chesed. The rest will follow.

  • YMSP

    To the Jews of CH:
    If you’d worry less about people keeping Shabbos, kashrus, tefillin and did stuff like Tzedoko, walking pets, giving your neighbor a banana….

    Sometimes ahavas Yisroel is to be meorer someone to mitzvos or to point out a problem that is attacking Judaism at its core.

    The signs should have really stressed the importance/benefit of tzinus, even the rewards to tzinus, and only then the shlilo, but to say that no one should speak out, that’s wrong.

  • with the old breed

    oh my…oh my…
    I guess the time has come to this. 1) you all need to get along. 2) Dressing is an expression of what is going on inside… are you acting like a child of the Rebbe?

    These are the only things that will save Crown Heights.

    have a nice day…

  • Milhouse

    Suppose someone were conducting a fire safety campaign, and someone demanded to know why she was spending her time on this instead of on raising awareness of seat belts, or swimming pool safety, or making sure children are vaccinated. And then turned to the people doing those campaigns and demanded to know why they weren’t doing fire safety. That’s what this sign writer is like.

  • Who cares.

    If it bothers you so much then don’t look bc ur not gona make ppl want to stop dressing this way wtvr u do but you can make it worse by treating them badly.

  • YMSP

    In all seriousness, one very important thing needs to be pointed out. This sign could have just as easily been written by any other religion.

    Torah shows that the ultimate goodness can only be achieved through Torah. History and life experience prove this again and again.

    There are many people who make “being nice” instead of “doing good” the focus of their lives. Even in the frum world, there are all kinds of hashkofos which are daas Aku”m and cause more harm for people than anything else. We’ve seen how social activism is usually the harmful thing in the world. We see the harm that people with daas Aku”m, some of whom jump to use the title “rabbi” to superimpose a hechsher on their non-Torah views have caused.

    Tzinus sets a person up to be good in the results – that the results should be good. Torah inspires goodness in which the results are good. This kind of la-di-da signage is a type of goodness gracious that is anything but good. This kind of attitude has caused disaster in peoples lives eventually. May Hashem only give rachamim.

  • tznius with a shturm

    The idea of someone writing that represents a true chosid is new way of being mevaze chabad.Just skip all bein adam lamokom and only concentrate on being nice to people reminds me of the reform movement .Lets only focus on tikun haolam They have this Ramban they love to Quote.A true chosid of the Rebbe fulfills Shulcan Aruch without any loopholes those that enjoyed this islly sign welcome to the Reform movement.

  • losing faith

    Wow. I’m sad that watching women’s necklines is considered important for everyone to be involved in. This hline of “responsibility” is how we end up throwing acid, wearing burkas, fl8nging stones on shabbos, and oppressing women. Can someone kindly explain how we should draw the line, between protecting community environments, and making jews feel welcome enough to become participants? Honestly, the watching out for violations, and the assumption that those offended must be weak/perutzas, is not exactly warming me towards frumkeit. It rather smacks of taliban-like fanatasicm. Can you tell me why you are angered when women feel threatened by the watching?

  • LA MORAH

    to #106. I’m in the same boat as you as they say.I really do feel your pain and understand you. I certainly don’t want anyone saying unkind things about my daughters .That being said, if a girl/woman self identifies as a Lubavitcher,especially if you live in Crown Heights,our dress is not only about us;it’s a direst reflection on our Rebbe. This is,I think,the most painful part and can’t be brushed off as a matter of personal preference.

  • jewish dude

    What if you are not Jewish? Jews must obey dress code, read modest, but non Jews can and should dress how they want. For example Muslim women can dress as there faith dictates.

  • Some of you get it; most of you don't!

    Now that my daughter has identified herself, I have no problems signing my name.

    I happen to be one of the big campaigners for more tzinus in Crown Heights. Years ago I was horrified when I brought my daughters to Crown Heights to show them how to properly dress, and I had to keep them from seeing, since it was a huge issue then. I have applauded the classes and articles in N’shei Newsletter. I have worked on myself and taken many chumros upon myself. Don’t try to say that I didn’t set a proper example, because I do.

    How many of you have kids who are either off the derech or going off the derech? If you do, do you think that criticizing their every move will help them see the beauty of Yiddishkeit? Do you think yelling and screaming will help the situation? If you thankfully don’t, then don’t even attempt to answer, because you have no idea what you are talking about.

    My daughter made the sign because first of all, she is a still a kid. She does not like being told what to do. She did speak to me about it before she wrote the sign. I don’t agree with her. I told her my opinions. She respectfully listened, and even took some of my advice. Do I agree with her? No. Am I proud of her for standing up for her convictions? Yes. Do I love her even though she isn’t living the life I had hoped she would? More than you can imagine. I love her for who she is. She is such a kind and caring young lady. But you can’t see past this sign. You see her trying to bring down the level of Yiddishkeit in Crown Heights. That is not her purpose.

    Mainly, her message is, leave her alone. Random signs are NOT going to help the situation any more than a stranger going up to someone and telling them what to do.

    I’ve had one daughter go off the derech, and came back. I never stopped davening for a moment. I have another daughter who is now drifting. She is still my daughter. I will NOT kick her out or put her down, even if her opinions are different than mine. She is growing up and finding her way in life. Maybe try to reach out to her. Smile when you see her, even if you don’t agree with how she is dressed. Say hello to her. To the kind souls who invited her for Shabbos, all I can say is, Thank you! To the people who are so quick to analyze both her and me, well, don’t try it until you have walked in my shoes. I am more than happy to give you my burdens. You can find me on Facebook if you want to discuss this more. I do have to say that I am so disappointed with the Crown Heights Community. Boy, it really has changed since we moved away. And not for the good.
    Leah Paley
    (Inmemoryof Yossi on FB)

  • Rachel

    I would suggest the heart of the issue is: will posting signs in the streets really cause change. To me, this seems like an ineffective way to prompt real, lasting change especially in regard to the issue of more modest dress. If encouraging more modest attire from the women of the community, such methods seems not only ineffective but to solicit negative reactions from the target audience.

  • to # 100

    ” all I have to do is tell you my countless, disgusting experiences being accosted by complete and random strangers when I first moved to Crown Heights, for my skirt being too short, my collarbone showing etc…”
    You moved to a Jewish Religious Community knowing the standard expected from that particular community because from what i understand you are coming from a Frum Family..
    Why?? why coming here from the first place ?? why not flatbush or mil basin and you wrote it yourself that if you are still dressing like that its because.

    ” And now, I do not find the desire to dress religiously at all due to all of that.”

    and this the reason you continue dressing “unmodestly” your own words “wow” at least you agree to that!
    and you are doing it “in purpose” “do to all that” another “WOW”.
    At least defend yourself but you are not..
    we need to blame ourselves that you feel that way…
    1) because you came live here and people look at you
    2)and because they looked at you and they have 100% right to feel uncomfortable around you so you continue with that!!!
    i wouldnt be able to live in a place where i will feel hate and “hate” what a strong word you are using.
    , i dont know what happened in your journey but the communauty dont have to pay the price.
    Your struggle dont need to become my struggle and any other girl, mother, grand mother struggle
    im sure you are very kind and have good middos but appearance talk first. i really feel if girls dress like that its a way to get attention look at all these posts, GREAT JOB you got what you wanted the ATTENTION but try to look for it in a better place..
    i dont judge someone that is not exactly like me,
    because i struggle too with tznius who doesnt,
    you think its easy to wear tights!!!
    , to make sure the skirt you wearing is below my knee!! it became harder and harder to find tznius clothing its an every day struggle
    who said life isnt a struggle? you think going according to shulchan aruch isnt a struggle,
    YES IT IS but this is what i chose but you you chose the easy way out and make my struggle even worse.
    i dont get involved in every one else business you brought the business to me. You post it, comment it and complain for reaction,
    You just put oil into the fire fire that spread love and warmth and respect but how can i respect if you dont even respect yourself
    Your all story its others, start with others and end with others. live for yourself dont live that way as a reaction of others reaction..
    and be my guess i dont think you are at peace every-time you walk out of your apartment and walking down the street…
    i dont feel you feel like ‘pretty woman walking down the street pretty woman ….”
    because you dont do this because you like the style or any other reason but because of others, they shouldnt be the one to tell you what to do!
    you too, sincerely, good luck!!:)
    And by the way the one that posted the first post is such a good looking woman always in style, exercising, eating healthy and following the shulchan Aruch.
    you could be religious and be pretty inside out!!:)

  • Rebbetzin Geltwomn

    Lets have Moshiach eyes, the eyes to see beyond the confusion and see a pure neshama. If we could go around and greet our fellow Jew with true Ahavas yisrael, we could see the shining diamond of who they are. When we see a persons potential of greatness rather than their laclk, change can happen.

  • WHO IS THIS "MILHOUSE" DUDE??

    This guys comments present him as being so self righteous, and overwhelmingly ‘holier then thou’
    It kinda irks me.
    And he tries to sound smart, but comes off as a abit off a fenatic fool.
    I wouldn’t really care, but his comments are everywhere man! I mean EVERYWHERE. incessant downpours of torrential stupidity… I’m getting carried away…

  • who are we to judge?

    I don’t live in CH, I live in Europe. As an orthodox woman I know what is expected of me re the way I dress and conduct myself and I’m sure all orthodox women do. For us a sign is not necessary, to women who chose to dress and/or behave differently it means nothing. To put up such a sign in a public street is going too far. To judge people by their appearance is wrong, as is ostracizing or spreading gossip about them. Ahavas Israel means to love every jew and only kindness will bring us closer to eachother. Have we, as a people, not enough problems as it is? Any jew can make teshuva at any time, do not push them away.

  • a 17 year old girl

    Everyone is writting different things. There is one torah that the all the jews got together by har sinai. Everyone must follow the torah standards. Not your own standards. All the mitzvos are important. Everyone should work on themeselves to go upwords and get better. For some of you tznius can be hard and for others it can be something else. everyone has different challenges and no one should be judging anyone but at the same time you are supposed to go out on shlichos and bring jews closer to yiddishkeit. You need to do it in a respectful and kind manner ofcourse. Also try to look for the good in people. Torah is the torah of life! That’s what I grew up with :) when you follow torah you are happy. Try it :) no one is perfect but everyone should be striving to get better. Do one extra mitzva thats hard for you. That can make such a big difference. When I started saying one line of chitas I already saw such a big difference. You will see how everything will be much better for you when you are working on youreself to follow the torah. I wish everyone luck on overcoming all their challenges. Take it step by step. Good luck!!