SATIRE: After Activist Outcry, Mashiach Flag To “Go- Green”
An astounding development has rocked the Jewish world as decision-makers have finally caved to climate activists infuriated by the yellow background of the Mashiach flags.
“It was a personal affront,” yelled YoYo Yoeli on a megaphone at the annual Gala pre-Purim and pro-Climate protest. “It’s go green or go home!”
Yoeli, the leader and as far as we can tell sole member of the “Go-Green Mashiach Flag Organization”, has been fighting to change the background color of the Mashiach flag for nearly a decade, pointing out the hypocrisy of using yellow on the flag in an interview with us.
“I mean, Mashiach would totally care about global warming, right?” he said. “It’s a travesty of modern-day justice that yellow was used. It’s a color that has no meaning towards climate change at all.”
Like Yoeli, the announced color change announcement was welcomed by Karen [no last name provided], who has been waiting for such a statement her whole adult life.
“Every time I walk through the streets of pretty much anywhere in the world, it’s like being slapped,” Karen said. “The “Yellow” Mashiach flag is just everywhere. Finally, we can have a green Mashiach flag that provides the proper message.”
Karen also pointed out that Lubavitchers in Crown Heights should continue in this “virtuous path to Tikkun Olam”.
“Inhuman acts like Kapparos are bad,” she eagerly explained. “Better to sacrifice ourselves than the innocent chickens! And don’t even get me started on what is done to the poor animals in the zoo each Chol Hamoed.”
(For brevity sake, we have edited and summarized Karen’s words.)
When questioned on who these “decision makers” are who will be spearheading the flag change to green, Yoeli became evasive, conspiratorially mentioning the “Machers” of Lubavitch.
Attempts to track down these “machers” have frustratingly ended up in dead ends with a shadowy figure named Shmuel Munkus who may, or may not, live at either 1414 President Street, 770 Eastern Parkway, or 749 Eastern Parkway.
According to inside sources at the local police precinct, they are well aware of this man’s existence, and would very much love to speak with him.
The upheaval in the Jewish community over the flag color change has clearly surpassed that of the invention of the twelve-passenger van, uniting both the “antis” and “Mishichistim” in total consternation.
“I am shocked,” both an anti and Meishichist found in front of 770 said to us simultaneously, effectively uniting both camps for the first time in recent memory.
Regardless of where you have stood on the matter, the debate is on for which shade of green would be properly befitting this momentous change. With the women advocating for a lighter aqua-green shade and the men adamantly demanding a camouflage olive shade, we have been leaked credible evidence that the color will actually be a bright fluorescent green.
The change also may have an additional benefit, ending a years long legal battle over yellow color flag copyright infringement being brought against the “Yellow Activists” by the Organization to Keep Yellow Off All Flags But Sweden’s. The case has been mired for years in bureaucratic yellow tape.
So now they’ll go from Hamas (yellow) to Hizballa (green)…..
The machers part with Shmuel Munkis is hilarious. It’s been a running joke which is probably true, and it was written perfectly here 🤣
The “Green” Flag is a feeble attempt to conflate Jews with money, and is an obvious false flag operation from those outside the community. I am offended!
Mordechai Jefferson Carver
this is the best satire I’ve seen, whoever wrote this I bet you’ll win the contest!
pashut a geshmake vort!!!