SATIRE: It is the Ultimate Question, Why Would Someone Bang A Kettle?

This Satire article was submitted by Shmuli Z. We think he is just Hacking a Chainik, but we will leave you to decipher it.

Why would someone bang a kettle? That is the question no one is asking except for you. And the answer is not at all simple.

Back in the day people used to bang kettles all the time. Although in recent years people have started banging eggs as well.

The difference between banging kettles and banging eggs is very simple. Banging kettles makes a lot of noise but doesn’t make a mess. Banging eggs barely makes any noise but makes a huge mess.

So from here we see that although many people think that banging eggs and kettles is basically the same thing, it obviously is not.

Research has begun to figure out the origin and source of this concept, and it leads us to believe that back in the Shtetel people had a lot of free time on their hands, so they used to bang kettles for fun!

Banging eggs seems to come from their Goyishe neighbors who also wanted something to bang on, but they couldn’t afford to bang their kettles because they spent all their money on gambling, so instead they started banging eggs, which is a real Goyishe thing.

But the idea of banging kettles is REAALLY Yiddish because it is an expression used in Yiddish.
I won’t tell you what that expression is because that will give away the whole point.

The point is that you should figure it out by yourself, and if you don’t you should ask someone to try to figure it out, and then when he tells you what it means you will laugh.

Or not. I don’t really care because if you don’t laugh you still can’t do anything to me because you don’t know who I am. The only clues you have is that I am clearly crazy. Really crazy!

Talking about crazy, someone threw a garbage can at me for no reason. That was the weirdest thing that ever happened to me in my life, and it just happened today, so that makes today a very exciting day!
Another crazy thing that happened today was that nothing really weird happened today, except the garbage can of course.

I can keep on banging kettles but I might get arrested by the HACPD, which is almost like the NYPD but for banging kettles in Yiddish.