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SATIRE: Purim Preparation Checklist

General Preparations

  • Diet for a week before (Does not include Taanis Esther)
  • Put on fridge list of all Megillah reading locations and times 

Shaloch Manos Checklist:

  • Parve (marking milchich won’t help if person opening can’t read yet or doesn’t bother checking labels)
  • Kosher l’Pesach (non-gebrochs of course) – PESACH IS COMING 
  • A minimum of two hecsherim, four if from Israel
  • Free of all known or suspected allergens
  • No choking hazards
  • Nothing sticky except chocolate
  • Not crumb producing except Hamentashen
  • Nothing small enough to be stuffed in a pants pocket and not detected until the drying cycle
  • No packages of anything that can roll everywhere when opened by eager hands attached to someone who hasn’t had nosh in the last 15 seconds.
  • Nothing with an expiration date more than three years later
  • Bananas must be enclosed bin bubble wrap
  • Delicious

Shaloch Manos Container Checklist: 

  • ABSOLUTLY NO GLITTER – PESACH IS COMING
  • Holds all ingredients without spilling
  • Able to be carried safely by the youngest distributor in your tribe 
  • Durable enough to withstand chosen delivery method
  • Securely wrapped/closed so nothing falls out
  • Does not require tools to open
  • Either useful or easily disposable
  • No towers of any sort unless you are sending corporate Shaloch Manos

Shaloch Manos Suggestions to Ignore:

  • Pineapples and coconuts – hard to cut and messy
  • Chocolate if it will be in car in weather over 75 degrees for more than 2 hours
  • Anything requiring refrigeration
  • Any homemade delicacy requiring more than four ingredients unless prepared by a teenager

Costume Checklist:

  • CHEAP
  • INEXPENSIVE
  • BILICHE
  • ABSOLUTLY NO GLITTER – PESACH IS COMING
  • Not scratchy
  • Easy to put on
  • Easy to take off
  • Has pockets for those who need
  • Does not require assistance when using bathroom unless wearer is still in diapers
  • Does not obstruct vision when wearer is operating a vehicle, riding anything or walking
  • Does not make the wearer pout, cry or throw a tantrum because it is just like/different than everyone else
  • Not nerdy
  • Not suffocatingly hot 
  • Makeup should be easily removed by normal means

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