INBOX: Children At Yizkor – Let’s Be Sensitive
We are in our bustling shul on Yom Tov, and the time for reciting Yizkor has arrived. The Haftorah is ending, and the majority of congregants, who have two living parents B”H, are exiting the door, including most children. But in many shuls, a few orphaned children must remain inside for the short service, alone. Usually, several adults will look at these children disapprovingly and shoo them out, whispering, “Yizkor! Yizkor!” How do you think these kids feel? Some return home and indignantly tell their surviving parent, “There are people in shul who just don’t get it! They kept trying to send us out for Yizkor, and they weren’t very nice!” But some children come home and dissolve into tears, crying about how alone and mortified and embarrassed they felt, about how they don’t even want to go back to shul ch”v.
Friends, this is an old problem. My mother A”H, born in 1924, was an 8-year-old orphan who couldn’t abide standing for Kaddish and Yizkor in shul, and being stared at. But there is a simple fix!
In advance, the rabbi or gabbai in every shul can announce Yizkor, reminding people that some children may be remaining inside for the service and asking everyone to treat them with kindness and respect. In 770, this announcement is required in every women’s section, in every language. The announcement can also remind children who don’t say Yizkor to promptly leave the shul.
May Hashem bring Moshiach to dry all the tears and abolish Yizkor.
Signed,
Just Want to Help
Sensitivity
Agreed.
Let’s stop the commonly used “kinder arois!”
May we merit the time when Yizkor isn’t needed anymore because we’ll be reunited with all of our loved ones – with the coming of Moshiach NOW!
with the old breed
I lost my Father at 5 years old. I went to yeshiva and had the very best of Jewish Education because I had the best and the brightest in Chabad looking out for me. I also had the worst….They were all men who went thru the system, war, death and sometimes worse. Today do we have anyone who will stand up for what is good and right? I try my best but we all need to help………………….yeah.
Cher
I was once a young person during yizkor. In general when dealing with such things, a couple of well meaning idiots will make a stupid comment here and there and that’s life.
Id like to think it’s given me the gift of sensitivity to others.
May we only know of revealed good from the hereon.
Chaim
There can be a Yizkor counselor (madrich/a) who gathers all the children in one area and helps them find the place in the siddur and say what they need to say, and they get a small gift (a picture of the Rebbe or something) a and a bracha, that they heal emotionally, and grow up to be healthy, chassidishe, well-adjusted adults.
mother
what a beautiful idea