Smartphones in Yeshiva: A Wise Approach

by Shlomo Bogart, LPC, LMHC | Director, The B’Shalom Center

A few days ago, a 14-year-old bachur in yeshiva turned to me with a quiet but urgent question:

“A friend of mine recently got a smartphone, and I can see it’s dragging him down. What can I do to help?”

Smartphones and the internet have become the nisayon of our times—especially for bochurim. It’s a challenge that strikes at the heart of yeshiva life, during the very years when bochurim are working to develop a strong, G-dly perspective on the world.

This challenge is even more profound for a talmid of Tomchei Temimim, someone whose future may involve not just personal growth for himself and his family, but spiritual leadership for a kehillah and many others.

There are many perspectives and valid approaches to this issue. I’d like to share some thoughts—not only as a therapist, but as someone who learned in Lubavitcher yeshivos, taught Chassidus and Nigleh for years, and now works with teens and families every day.

This article is not here to dictate how hanhalah should manage smartphone use; each yeshiva will have its own approach. Outside of hanhalah, other influential figures—friends, shluchim, eltere bochurim, parents, etc.—can provide guidance to a bochur facing this challenge in a way that complements the yeshiva’s derech.

The Alter Rebbe explains the pasuk, “Chanoch lanaar al pi darko, gam ki yazkin lo yasur mimenu”—“Educate the youth according to his path; even when he grows old, he will not stray from it.” My understanding, based on a recent Chitas, is that yazkin doesn’t just refer to chronological age, but to a stage of inner maturity. Our goal is not just to protect a child or bochur from harmful influences—but to help him develop the strength and values to choose well for himself.

Some advocate for total abstinence from smartphones—and in certain cases, that may be the wisest move. But we need to approach each bochur individually, with sensitivity to where he’s holding, what’s going on in his life, and how much of a change we can or should impose versus how much we want to empower him to choose.

In the case this 14-year-old presented, he had a few options: He could report his friend to hanhalah, possibly damaging their friendship and creating tension in the yeshiva. Or he could take a subtler, more relational approach.

We went through a few ideas together:

1. Is there an older bochur he looks up to—not a mashpia or teacher, but someone closer in age—who could quietly offer guidance and support? Sometimes, the most powerful help doesn’t come from an official role but from a trusted peer.

2. Does the phone have any kind of filter or supervision? If it does, the situation may not be as urgent. Preserving the relationship may take priority over jumping to action.

3. This is a real nisayon—and it’s not going away anytime soon. Our bochurim will face these struggles for years to come. The goal isn’t to remove every obstacle, but to teach them how to navigate life with clarity, confidence, and conviction.

4. I validated his concern and admired his care. Sometimes, the most powerful thing a friend can do is stay close, be present, and keep the conversation going—not just about phones, but about other important matters too.

When dealing with a bochur in zal who is hiding a phone, the best approach may be to first start with his motivation: Is he open to placing a filter? Would he consider limiting usage during certain hours or in certain settings? From there, can he set small, attainable goals around reduced phone use—not through control, but through partnership. True and lasting progress often begins with a bochur taking initiative and ownership.

For an older bochur—age 21 or 22—structure is key. Helping him find a job, program, or environment where smartphone use is restricted by default (such as public service, teaching, or working with children) can be powerful. The focus then becomes not just on avoiding the phone, but on connecting to the satisfaction and confidence that come from real-life productivity and presence.

From my work with bochurim, I’ve seen how smartphones and internet use can be deeply destructive. They rob bochurim of the time, focus, and emotional bandwidth they need to form a deep and lasting relationship—with Hashem, with Chassidus, with Nigleh, and with their chaveirim. This is the foundational work of yeshiva. When we respond with a thoughtful and balanced approach, we protect this sacred process without alienating the very boys we’re trying to help.

A smart approach ensures that in our effort to protect their growth, we don’t unintentionally make things worse.

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A final point for parents: During bein hazmanim, it can be painful to watch your child spend countless hours on his or her phone or computer, often caught up in things that are far from good. My recommendation is to approach this similarly: Introduce some structure—encourage part-time learning, work, or involvement in meaningful activities. Show genuine concern, not through pressure or panic, but by expressing belief in who they are and what they’re capable of. Your presence, encouragement, and faith in them can make all the difference.

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The B’Shalom Center is dedicated to strengthening bochurim in yeshiva by teaching cognitive and behavioral skills without challenging the hashkafa and structure of Tomchei Temimim. The B’Shalom Center also provides specialized eating disorder treatment, including support for family members walking alongside a loved one in recovery.

We offer therapy, meal coaching, and medication support—all in a way that respects and supports your family’s Yiddishkeit values.

Reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation.

Shlomo Bogart, LPC, LMHC
Director & Lead Clinician | The B’Shalom Center
 646-763-1424
 sbogartlpc@gmail.com
 shlomobogartlpc.com