Op-Ed: It’s Time to Wake Up
by Anonymous
It’s that time of year again. Camp registration. My thirteen year old son came to me this week and asked me to register him to a certain eighth grade summer program. I said no. With tears in his eyes he asked me: “why?”
I told him “I can’t tell you now but when you’re older I’ll explain it to you”.
The reason why I declined and am publicizing my views on this is because it’s very near to my heart the safety of my children and all children these days to be able to live in a safe environment.
It all started two years ago (pre Covid). I was at a family Simcha, and a relative of mine was discussing with some of the people who were there about a shocking issue. He said that when his twelve year old son came back from camp and the parents were unpacking his suitcases (all parents know what I’m talking about), among the Souvenirs he brought back from camp was an electric cigarette.
When they asked their son how he got it he said that his bunk mate sold it to him during the summer.
I know you might think that this is just an isolated incident, but the truth is that it’s unfortunately not uncommon. It’s not “chad pa’ami”. The issue is mainly with older boys 13-16 but it’s rapidly spreading (like Covid). And if not electric cigarettes it’s any other harmful substances…
I remember when I was a kid, growing up in the non-frum community, when the cool place for young teens to be was in the (what is called) “hotbox”.
This is why I am speaking out about this. We know the rule that worse comes to worse (the snowball effect) unless it’s stopped short. Unless we take matters into our own hand this situation can escalate badly.
I cry out from the depths of my heart. This is an issue that starts in the homes. When parents are mechanech they’re kids to be insensitive about the people they choose to surround themselves in it is like ingesting toxins.
A child that doesn’t know better can end up with bad friends that can drag him down with them. We all have to sit down our kids and explain to them that according to our standards we don’t want them “hanging out” with kids that might lead them to a bad place.
The solution in the big picture? Education is the only way to go. Our rabbeim always put a big emphasis on educating our children in a true Torah fashion.
Where did we go wrong? I think it comes from the intense social pressure to keep up with the times (and I don’t mean the parsha). We need to grow up and realize that in order to be successful everyone has to take care of himself without worrying about anyone else.
I hope this brings awareness of the issue facing us these days so it can be stopped quickly.
Abe
I very rarely comment but I disagree with your chinuch course of action.
You’re child will grow up and be exposed to the world no matter how well you try to insulate him. The benefits of camp are tremendous and keeping him home in a city can expose him to much more mishugas.
You must communicate with your child and tell him your concerns. Give him the tools to make the right choices.
Then daven
B Wolf
Well said Reb Abe!
Zev
Foolish response.
As he gets older he will realize how harmful it is and will hold himself back, no matter the pressure.
As a child we give in to pressure. But as we mature we recognize that social pressure doesn’t make it a cool thing, its looserish to give in.
I don’t agree with the No to camp, but agree to the stance the parent makes.
Parents
Clearly this is very important. However, it’s not helpful to panic and catastrophize. As parents, protecting our children as well as teaching them to make good choices is something we all need to do. Building a good relationship and communication with our children is probably the most important thing we can do so they will come to us with their questions and concerns.
Yael
Just writing to say what first commentator wrote. I disagree with you. You’re causing your child trauma, showing his mistrust and not showing any compassion or understanding of where he’s coming from. I’m not here to berate you, please seek advice from wise individuals – ie Simon Jacobson, shais taub etc.
They deal with the fallout of resentful children when that happens and understand this par
Yael
continuing
They understand the parsha
Please please please
Don’t let your ego stand in the way
You can use clarity so you don’t further alienate your son
From what I see on my end – it’s a father who thinks he can control everything, especially if your son is able to cry about it – snd you’ve said nothing more than what you wrote above – you’re dealing wrong
Gl
Chaim
It is a very good point you brought up. Thank you for being the one to speak up about this issue.
Camps can be a good thing, however, they are polluting our youth.
I know firsthand about the bad things that are happening in camp.
We need to fix this issue ASAP.
This issue needs to be brought to awareness to the whole lubavitch.
Rivka
Agreed!!! 100% we need some one to speak up about this issue. These days everyone is into validation but we can’t forget about retaining our values of old. The first question to ask our selves is, what is the menshlich approach. Thank you Shany for being brave and writing this! Even though people are thinking about modern approaches
with the old breed
well said, a man who does not spend time with his family is not a man, if you give up your family to the Street anything can and does happen. Stay strong and spend more time with your children is time well spent, no one will remember how much time you spent running around to make money but money can not buy the time with your family. This is what Lubavitch is all about….think about it
Berel
We are truly in uncharted territory and it’s entirely possible that long standard practices will prove in need of replacement. I have not been a perfect parent so I can neither gainsay nor endorse your particular decision even if I did know all the relevant details.
Experience though cautions that you should account for the unintended consequences of this restriction. Lean on your Mashpia.
sara
you have a valid concern. and it should be addressed. but it shouldn’t just be addressed to the staff directors and other parents, but it should be addressed to your son as well. if he is “old enough” to buy it from his friends, then he’s old enough to educate himself about his purchases.
Unfortunately, many negative incidents can happen and do happen in overnight camp. but there are way
sara
more positive experiences that take place then negative ones. Keeping your child away from camp, especially one that he wants to go to, and obviously his friends are going to, are going to cause him feelings of resent and anger. especially to his parents who are withholding from him the fun that he wants to experience. Why is that emotion safer then the cigarette? I personally believe that it
sara
it’s more harmful. the most important thing that a child needs to have in life is a healthy relationship with his parent. and staying in the city (or wherever you live), does not protect him either from buying an cigarette from his friend. you know how many young teenagers in our local mesivtas are vaping or smoking, as an influence of their peers? don’t bury your head in the sand!
sara
have an open dialogue with your son! express your concerns! empower him! and let him have the best summer ever! and as a parent: daven!!!! iyH, it will be the best decision that you made and you’ll have emesse chassidishe nachas from your bochur!
Mica
Chinuch begins at home and no matter how hard you try outside influences will always be an issue. You must give your child a strong base so that they know what to keep away from of their own volition.
And here I was expecting a post opining about the cost that some of these program run…
Dovid
That no! That you told your son..Will break your child and you will never be able to repair.
Better advice or set an example values
So your child will know what values are and what a higher standard is…or even
Have a open communication with your children..I talk with my kids all the time we are open and my kids tell me everything..
Esther
Please please don’t stop your son from going to camp. Have an open conversation with him and explain to him what to be aware of and to be open with you .
Say without a doubt you will damage your son more by not allowing him to go to camp.
Camp is good
“a certain 8th grade summer program”. When I read that, I thought you were speaking about a particular camp, not all camps.
I would love to see camps segregated – one for frum kids, & another Kiruv camp for kids from more “modern” homes.
Why do kids who, for example, never watch non-Jewish videos have to share a bunk with kids talking about all the movies they watch? It’s detrimental to everyone.
with the old breed
do you all know how many times the Rebbe spoke about how the Chabad camp system needs to change….how children learn not to learn.well.the children are out of the loop and when they come back from camp they take off another month for Yom Tov and then the Yeshiva system is trying to work from where the child was left before they went to camp.Stay strong & be happy you have these problems.
Cw
This is just wrong.
Berel
In brunya we didn’t have this issue,
there were a few kids that would vape but they did on mivtzoim,
It’s all about the group!