by Anonymous School Administrator

Op-ed: Why Your Child Wasn’t Accepted

It’s almost the start of the new school year; you were just informed that your child was not accepted into our school, and you demand to know why.

While we can’t go into your home and observe the way you live, see the things you bring in, or anything else that will tell us about your lifestyle, we can see the way you dress, the way your son’s hair at four-years-old looks like it has never been cut before, the casual attitude towards wearing a Tzitzis and Yalmuka at all times and several other things.

Now, we definitely can’t change you, because after all, you have freedom of speech, freedom of dress and freedom of religion. However, when you come to register your son at our school, you have to understand that this is where your values can be shunned.  And believe it or not, it will be the reason we’ll say no.

The same freedom of speech and religion that applies to you is now being exercised by us. We don’t owe your child a spot in our school, and having a parent body that respects Halacha is crucial for us to enhance our students’ lives with the values we try to imbue. Simply put: we need top quality parents to help us raise top quality children.

So you registered months ago, filled out all the paperwork and are willing to pay full price, but your child wasn’t accepted. And now you know why.


  • Shame on this writer.

    How low we have fallen that someone is not even embarrassed to write this on a public forum.

    PS – All my boys get a 3 haircut, and yarmulke and tzizis are on 24/7.

    What is this, Satmar?

    Feh, feh, and feh again.

    • Bravo to this writer

      It’s encouraging to see that there are School Administrators that adhere to their values.

      No, we’re not Satmar but with the steady decline of the Chassidishe values in our Shechuna it’s commendable for the schools to insist that thresholds be met. In Lubavitch we reach out to all Yidden but that does not give you the license to flaunt our values and then complain, “we’re not Satmar”.

    • Who said they were talking to you?

      Yes, this isnt Satmar- We dont demand girls wear tights 24/7, at least midcalf skirrts, short sheitels, etc… But we do demand the basics!!!

      All they are saying is they dont want these children to influence the others!!!
      Its called peer pressure…
      And dont say it doesnt matter what one kid does.
      Speaking from personal experience, this can affect every age.

    • A Principal

      I’m glad that finally somebody had the courage to write what practically every teacher believes just cannot say because it’s “politically incorrect”. The op-ed certainly was harsh for many people but nevertheless it’s still completely true.
      First it must be clear that as a principal, parents’ have trusted me to make sure that their children are in a completely safe environment, both physically; and spiritually. This is the most important part of my job.
      in order to ensure the safety of these children i must prevent certain thing from entering the school – including people. A childs family has the greatest impact on the childs chinuch and behavior (ever wonder why you can have a whole family of trouble makers?) If i see parents’ that dont dress appropriately then i can assume that the child isnt the child i would want to have in my school because this child may have a bad influence on other children, thereby i would be betraying the trust that i have from the “good” parents’.
      ps if you dont dress tznius why do you want your child in a great school?
      there is a saying: your kulos will be your childs chumros.

  • Pops

    What would happen if the schools accepted all children & made it a point to do their utmost to create a loving, schtark Chassidishe atmosphere to inspire each child? How many stories do we hear from shluchim who had kinderlach in their programs that inspired their parents to grow in Yiddishkeit. Perhaps this would work for us too. What exactly are we risking by allowing families that are perhaps not up to community standards into our schools? Aren’t we stronger than that?

    • Laya Rivka

      Pops, You have a beautiful soul. I am sure you spread light and are a blessing to those around you.

    • ch parent

      bechlal, a young hild always think their parents are right. in chabad house schools, in essence their saying- in a very warm appropriate way- your parents are wrong, your supposed to keep shabbos (which may result in th whole family keeping shabbos). however in unzere mosdos, the teachers are there to teach them torah, represent yiras shamayim, vechulu, assuming everything is right at home. so the child leaves school saying there is nothing wrong with a tv etc. another thing to keep in mind is that were talking about little kids here. bochurim and (not that i know alot about girls schools, but am assuming) highschool/seminary girls are not being rejected based on their family but based on theyreselves bc at such an age, not necessarily the house reflect on him/her

  • I wish I knew which school this writer represents...

    So I can make sure NOT to send my child there.

  • Kol Hakavod

    Kal Hakavod to this writer.

    Lubavitch has to remember who we really are and how we dress. We are NOT (and repeat NOT) modern orthodox, or Young Israel. We are Chassidim and we and are spouses should walk in the street and dress appropriately – as the Rebbe wants us to. And we know exactly what that means.

    Its about time we not be embarrassed any longer to walk down Kingston ave !

  • Big Money


    If you have the right last name ,conected & have money they will take your kids.

    If you are poor and no last name, good luck.

    Look at the camps, they will take even same gender parents’ kids just bcs Papa is a big supporter of that Beit Chabad.

    So don’t B.S

    • Andrea Schonberger

      You are so right Big Money! Money ALWAYS talks and hides a multitude of sins, real and imagined. The gantze machers can buy whatever they want because they’re on the A-List for Chabad/shul social events, with their own reserved table no less, and receive tacky looking plaques for making ginormous donations to their Beit Chabad. They might be a total idiot when it comes to Yiddishkeit but all that matters in the end is their ability to write checks with a lot of zeros. I guess us proste yidn will have to make do with the crumbs.

  • The parent of a visually impaired child

    And what about the Rebbe’s mandate that our schools accept every child?

    Many years a more mature friend of mine told me, my youngest daughter and her husband are modern. Should I encourage them to move out of Crown Heights so they should continue to lower their standards or should I encourage them to stay so they will eventually raise them? Of course I’m going to encourage them to stay! I and everyone else can be a dugma chaya.

    Today that daughter and her husband are frum, chassidish, chabad family with several children in our schools. The tichels are gone, today the daughter/wife dresses fully tsnius with a full sheitel.

    That’s a success story.

  • Common courtesy?

    They applied months ago, but you didn’t bother to tell them he wasn’t accepted until now??

  • old timer

    yasher koach for upholding the BASICS of chassidishe chinuch for our children. for too long our community members have put the full responsibility for chinuch on our schools. just read any sicha on chassidishe chinuch by our Rebbe and see that he stresses over and over again that CHINUCH BEGINS AT HOME. and a child learns from what we DO, not what we say (or pay someone else to say…)

  • Pinny

    This makes me feel really sad. If you let a child into a good school environment he can influence his parents. If you shut him out he may never get the chance.

    • It doesnt work like that

      Bad is more influential then good- he wont become better, the other kids will become worse.

    • to "It doesn't work like that"

      I certainly hope you don’t consider yourself a chossid of the Rebbe. You certainly aren’t adhering to his values.

  • You fool!

    I understand.
    it makes alot more sense that my children will grow up chasidish when they never went to a normal lubavitcher school becus they wer declind due to the fact that the yeshivas pick and choose.
    Isn’t the point of yeshiva to make you a better person? Its surely not to tell you that you are so bad that u can never be fixed.

    • do you really care?

      Please don’t act as if you don’t care, raise you child to not care, and then cry foul when s/he is not accepted into school/yeshiva.
      If you care, then show it. Dress yourself and your child like a frum Jew, act like a frum Jew, avoid mixed events, even if in your heart you are wavering.
      Actions speak louder than words, so you child will see you acting like a frum Jew and will want to be frum too. Then s/he will be accepted and everyone will be happy.

  • What what what?

    When i was traversing through yeshiva as a young bocher it was well known that the folks running the boutique yeshivas were mentally and emotionally unstable. Making up their own form of Judaism and minhugim which were not and are not al pi derech of torah or chassidus going against everything the rebbe said in order for them to feel good about themselves that they only accept the best buchrim who come from the best homes.

    The author of this op-ep dose nothing to dispel the above notion And in fact acts as an example of exactly that.

    Just “derech agave” of you look through out Judaism’s history you will find that our greatest scholars and tzadikim did not always come from the best homes and have the best parents let all the self-proclaimed deans of the boutique yeshivas know that some of our greatest tzadikim would never have learned in your yeshivas because of your categorical disqualification of anyone based on their parents (who in most cases are more well versed and better observers of torah and chassidus then you are!)

  • SMH

    so if parents are not frum buy want a frum education are we denying that? is that what chabad is about is that what CH is?

  • Parent

    its time for CH to open a proper school and leave all the nerds who look at school as a babysitting service to send their children to the regular schools that in return treat our children as one more product in their warehouse factory

  • wow and wow

    ok so this Mr.Elitist has no shame writing this to parents.
    If only I had a way to send this to the Rebbe although I’m sure he knows.This is what Chabad has become?
    That’s fine if you think this way but you want others to know who you are??
    Chabad is about spreading chassidus but you will bar your own children because they are not 100% or their parents aren’t????
    Yet you want to go out and try and “mekarv”others yet show this nasty hidden side.

    • SC in CH

      Do you think that The Rebbe is disgusted by the schools not letting kids in because of the actions of their parents? It’s more likely that The Rebbe is disgusted by married women not covering their hair, by women & girls blantantly flaunting their un-tznius bodies, by people eating cholov akum, going to movies, by men shaving or trimming their beards. Being Lubavitch means following the directives of the Rebbe. If a person can’t keep the standards of a chossid why would they want their children in Lubavich mosdos?

  • To number 1

    Open your eyes! Where have you been living? Our streets are an embarrassment! The tznius is atrocious.

  • Shame

    Its not OK that just because parents don’t behave the way the school wants them to, the children have to loose out on a good yiddishe lubavitch education!

    • No to Shame

      It’s because parents don’t behave the way the Torah wants them to, that the children have to loose out on a good Torah education at home.
      Because of that they can, and do, negativly affect all the children in the school.
      Stop destroying Chabad. We are not reform.

  • Re: 1

    The shame is on us, and that something like this has to be an issue. Yes, I don’t want my kids learning from others that in their house their have a TV etc. And I want wouldn’t put my kids in a school that the kids will have a negative impact on my kids.

    Am I selfish? No. Well yes, I want the best for my kids. if you the best for your kids too, then act the way you want your kids to be.

  • Lubavitcher

    Inasmuch as I may privately in my heart have such evil thoughts (yes, I do have a Yetzer Hora) as those of this writer (which I hope is truly not a Mechanech in any of ‘our’ Lubavich schools), it is clear that this view is totally foreign to the Rebbe’s teachings on Chinuch over the years, and let’s make it clear that this way of thinking is as foreign and damaging to Lubavitch no less than the so called CAY group (according to the thinking of this writer and company), you represent a view outside the pale of Lubavitch teachings and you serve as a destructive force to all that is prtecious to the Rebbe & Lubavitch Chinuch.

    I would like to add, that if this guy is truly a Mechanech in our system, then surely he is trying to cover for his miserable failure in the classroom or in his school which has most likely produced a 30% dropout rate or more, and has most probably produced too many Mechalelei Shabbos and non-Tznius behavior as a result of his miserable & hateful teaching methods.

    I will admit that my blood boils when I see some of what is going on and I do want (thanks to my evil inclination) to scream and shout and maybe even embarrass publicly those who don’t conform to Tznius & Halacha and who in my evil thinking cause much shame to Lubavitch (me as in the one who is the self appointed guardian of the good name of Lubavitch), but in all honesty I learned from the Rebbe otherwise, so I bite my tongue and either I shut-up or I try very hard to be nice and influence with love.

    And if I don’t succeed to influence with love then the Alter Rebbe already gave me cover in chapter 32 in Tanya that in such a case I didn’t lose the Mitzva of loving a fellow Jew.

    P.S. I’m not a millennial nor am I a newcomer, I come from generations of Lubavitchres and I lived my entire close to six decades of my life near and with the Rebbe, and B”H my family do conform to the standards the writer would approve of, so this comment isn’t written in the spirit of self defense.

    • "I’m not a millennial nor am I a newcomer, I come from generations of Lubavitchres"

      As is quite obvious by the fact producing that you have displayed in your comment:
      #1 ” it is clear that this view is totally foreign to the Rebbe’s teachings on Chinuch over the years” – Uhu, there is no chance this mechanech got any horo’os from the Rebbe as to how to run the school because he is probably new to chabad.

      #2 “this way of thinking is as foreign and damaging to Lubavitch no less than the so called CAY group” – Statistically proven cheese burger to cheeseburger.

      #3 “he is trying to cover for his miserable failure in the classroom or in his school which has most likely produced a 30% dropout rate or more, and has most probably produced too many Mechalelei Shabbos and non-Tznius” – Why only 30%? I’m sure if you had checked the latest polls the students of the Crown Heights school’s must be going down at closer to a 90% rate? You are being to fare.

  • Yosy

    Fine, but what about the kids who’s parents walk the walk, talk the talk and the boy does as well. Why wasn’t he accepted to your school? His parents piratically pay full tuition, so it’s not financial. What’s the deal?


    This reads more like a mean-spirited letter to the editor than a true op-ed. It is as if the writer has been waiting a very long time to vent instead of offering a thoughtful and respectful statement on the issue. The writer wasted a very good opportunity to be a resource.

    I do not understand why this screed was allowed to be anonymous. I understand anonymity when dealing with personal issues, but this administrator is hiding and being unnecessarily mean. If he feels so strongly about his position, then he should make himself known.

    I bet he would have chosen his words much more carefully knowing he would be accountable for his words.

  • Anonymous


    I don’t understand you comment.

    Are you implying that only Satmar should filter out students (and parent body) who reject the values that the school holds?

    If a secular school stood for specific values (e.g. math, art etc.) and a student and his/her parents rejected those values,
    1. The school would reject them.
    2. On their own, the parents would choose a school that is aligned with their own values.

    This has nothing to do with religiosity. This is common sense. Please explain yourself.

  • CH Bubby

    Why the shame on the writer ? If women aren’t embarrassed to walk round in short sleeves, short skirts, no stockings, and large wide necklines, then we needn’t be embarrassed to write about it.
    And why hit Satmar, they may have some customs that we don’t follow, but I’d rather see someone dressed as they are than what we are seeing in CH nowadays. And if your children are dressed appropriately then why are you complaining.

  • Lawyer

    Actually, if the receive any kind of federal funding at all this would be discriminating based on religion and is illegal.

    • Pendant

      You are the parent I pray gets excluded. There is Chabad light and haskala light, good times…

  • if this ẃas really the only reason

    How about the times you don’t take kids because they can’t pay the full price??
    And how can you say no to a child so close to the beginning of the school year.

  • Yossel


    1. You are NOT a business where you can turn down or accept business from “whomever.” You are a MOSSAD and as such, who gives you the authority to turn down a Yiddishe neshomele?

    2. Perhaps by giving that child a proper Chinuch, you will change the parents for the better? What happens when that child can’t find a “decent” school to go to? You have washed your hands of the issue and don’t care about another Neshoma? How will you answer the Rebbe when he asks about such-and-such child who applied to your school?

    3. Is your school now an “elite” institution whos primary function is “excellence for top students?” Who gave you that right? Is the school your personal property that you make that choice?

    4. A rich couple who visit your school dressed in shorts and tshirts, who would offer you a million dollar donation would not get the cold treatment you give to those parents! On the contrary, all mosdos suck up to rich, non frum people who give $$$. They are honored at dinners and given tours of the school at their own convenience.!

    5. If you want to have that attitude, start your own private business! Running a community mosad implies an obligation to serve the community! It doesn’t matter whether you are living the good life off the school and its benefits, or not!

    • A Thought

      Without getting into the essence of your post: The unfortunate reality is, that #1 (being a mossad and not a business) sometimes necessitates #4 (nurturing the donors who make it possible)

    • You are so convincing!

      I am sure the school has already called these family’s to tell them that they don’t have the right to do this and therefore are taking there kids.

  • Yitzchok

    100% agree with this article…. We are Lubavitcher we have standards!!!! Whoever doesn’t want to follow can find a school. That will after to that.
    My children don’t have to suffer!

    • Laya Rivka

      Good luck repairing a broken world when all you care about is your own children.

    • @Laya rivka

      I’m sure you are having much more success repairing the world caring about all children. Kudos! (Isn’t the rule you are only given tests that you can handle? You must be real strong!)

  • Your Tone Is Telling

    To the “Anonymous School Administrator”:

    What an egotistical and narcissistic way to express your view. Your negative tone is quite telling about the way you view others.

    I hope your divisive attitude does not trickle down to the children who are ‘fortunate’ enough to be under your care.

    As there are only a handful of school administrators in the community, and nearly all are ‘mentshlech’, you are not as ‘anonymous’ as you may think.

    Be well.

    • Telling tone

      We fight hate with hate because that’s all they understand. But the haters better stop there hating because otherwise i will double hate them.

  • any suggestions?

    I suggest a girl who’s frum but has a tv in the house to ask her father -who had some hiskashrus with the Rebbe and watches Rebbe videos as his learning session by day- if he can send his 13 yr old son to one of the lubavitch schools in ch. due to the tv -the school refused to accept him. what does the school expect? wait till the 13 yr old is old enough to return by himself to chabad if he chooses or have the chance to mold him and give chizzuk to him now? why does the kid have to suffer not to learn chassidus being in a more modern yeshiva till say 18, when this yeshiva could have done wonders for him and maybe even encourage the father to drop the tv? waiting to hear a reply…

    • A Suggestion

      If the father loves his son, let him give up the TV with all the filth.
      If the father doesn’t care, then yes, the child will suffer ,as children (under bar-mitzvah) are R”L punished for the sins of their parents.
      Meanwhile, let the shaliach in his town reach out to the child, invite him for shabbos, and that way turn the whole family around, and then the child will be accepted.

    • thanks fo answering...

      Another situation: a girl applied to 2 of the lubavitch schools (at that time there was only 2)in ch and was not accepted due to not succeeding a elemantry out of ch, yet was “graduated”.why? you can suggest to send her to a lubavitcch school out of ch bbut that was not possible or what? in addition the mother wrote a pan to the Rebbe and put it in the Igros kodesh and the Rebbe wanted this girl to be in one of the schools there which the Rebbe wrote the name which one even, but the school when told about the Rebbe’s answer, doesnt “accept” such answers either. sometimes it is the schools fault! bbut awaiting a reply nevertheless…

  • Kudos

    We’re not a Chabad House.
    We’re a Chabad community.
    There’s a huge difference.

  • Tzvi Morantz

    when I first joined chabad over 42 years ago, coming from modern orthodoxy, I enrolled my girls in Beth rivkah kindergarten. I was impressed with the aidelkeit of the girls at a lag baomer parade and we met with rabbi minkowitz, the principal. I told him that I wanted chassidishe children, but I was new to chassidius and didn’t want to feel pressured. he smiled and told me that everyone grows at their own rate and there would be no contradiction. Both of my daughters grew into fine chassidishe women and have chassidishe children that I am proud of. At that time, in Montreal, the school had forum and non forum girls from Sephardim and Russian homes and the Lubavitcher girls had a lot of influence on them and many married fine chassidishe men, some of them spitz chabad. There were even some that helped their husbands stay firmly on the derech through some difficult times.
    An educator from Bais Yaccov once asked me why “chabad throws out some of their children”.
    As part of the largest generation of Baal tchuvas, I was encouraged and loved and always respected. I grew close to many of the great elder chassidim in Montreal and rarely heard a harsh word unless it was time for me to hear it.
    What is it about the present generation of teachers and administrators that the tolerance and love has been replaced by such a level of rigidity..?
    ALL our kids need us even more now after gimmel Tammuz and we seem to have lost the patience and sympathy that ahavat Israel demands.
    If not for all those loving educators, my grandchildren,children and myself would not be chassidim. I dare say that thousands of families might not be frum today. I also do not understand why an administrator must write anonomisly. If you believe something then, own it. Respectfully, Tzvi Morantz.

    • To Tzvi

      there is a major difference. I quote: “I **wanted chassidishe children**, but I was **new to chassidius and didn’t want to feel pressured**”.

      Of course if someone is growing in chassidus he has to move slowly and not jump in too fast.

      You were going up the ladder and were supported.

      These parents want us to support them as the willingly descend into the abyss R”L.

      These **formerly** chassidishe children, who left Yiddishkeit for **new pastures** and don’t want to feel pressured to return, now want their children to be accepted the way they are, so they can CV”S drag down the next generation L”A, and the parents won’t feel guilty because no one is chassidish anymore anyway.

    • @ Tzvi

      Disclaimer: Don’t take this personal.

      Your story, fortunately, is not entirely unique in our community and the administration taking this into consideration has still written this letter.
      There is something else here at play. Search and you will find the differences.

  • Agreed with the writer

    This summer I spent some time in Lefferts park with my child. There are a few camps that come with their children. I was shocked to see 5/6 year old boys with long hair (that you can put a pony in) and some without Tzitit. I totally understand why a Chabad Lubavitch wouldn’t want to accept these boys.

  • yehuda

    Did you ever think that by acceptingvthe child you will teach him the proper behavior and the child will have a chance to grow to be dressed and act the propedress and or she may also influence the parents to dressvand act according to torah

    • Think?!

      No way!! This guy had to have been born yesterday so nobody had a chance to point this out to him!!

  • Shifra G.

    This is painful to read. So the child is punished for the parents actions? Maybe the parents want their child to learn Torah and Halacha but don’t know enough to teach them? This is not MY Judaism.

  • To "Shame on..."

    While I’m not arguing for or against the writer’s article, I don’t think you have a right to offer an opinion on it until you’ve spent a considerable amount of time in a school and see first hand from the inside – the effects that the above mentioned values have on a school and the atmosphere they bring.
    Once you’ve done so, let us know what you think then.

  • Only Satmar cares, really?

    To Mr. “Feh, feh and feh again”:

    Only Satmar cares about negative influences on their children, but Lubavitch doesn’t?

  • YAY

    Is this the new rule that will hopefully be applied to all of our mosdos?
    Or, if the parents/grandparents give a nice sized donation, some will be exempt?
    I do believe in the freedom these United States offer us..and I feel everyone who wants to behave in a manner not respectful of the Rebbe and his shchuna, have the freedom to move out to a place that will be more to their liking and the way of life they choose.

  • crown heights

    Doesn’t sound like it was written from a school admin. But just an angry parent blowing things up. Most schools are full real fast anyway and its hard to get your little kid in.

    • Yup

      This is not a admin but a parent looking to bring up the point that bm is too scarred to say the obvious.

  • absurd

    You don’t owe the child a spot in your school? How ridiculous! The 4-year old boy is not “frum enough” for you because he didn’t protest to his parents about his long hair? If you have school rules, and those rules include proper dress code, then hand it to the parent and tell them that this has to be followed in order to enter the classroom. But to just not accept a child before the year even starts because of something that can be easily corrected? This is ridiculous.

    Also, you mention that you need a parent body that respects halacha. So who picks and chooses the halachos that don’t allow you into your school? If the mother talks loshon hara in public does THAT constitute not allowing their child in? Doubtful. If the father jokes about how he davens shachris at 530pm every day, do you kick his kid to the curb? I think not. Take your self-aggrandizing attitude AND your school. I definitely don’t want either.

  • Or.....

    You dress completely chassidish
    – elbows, knees, collarbone covered
    Mehudar kashrut
    One child is rebelling
    One of 7 or 8 or even 15 won’t follow the rules
    Her skirts are too tight and short
    She was seen eating cholav Stam
    She was seen talking to a boy (8 years old but still not of her family).
    And now your entire family is considered not so chassidish because this behavior MUST have come from your home …..
    And that is why your two year old got a rejection letter

    • To "Or"

      You see, the one girl who is rebelling (if all her siblings are frum as you say) was probably influence by the negative influences that were NOT weeded out of her class/school/life.

      Maybe a classmate, a teacher, an aunt or cousin. But someone dragged her down.

      And you want that to continue? Help your daughter understand her emotions, and b’esras Hashem she will come back to where she was before.

  • shalom

    totally against chabad way. its not the child’s fault his mother has a telivision , doesn’t dress tznius etc.
    By the way when someone opens up a very modern orthodox school in crown heights please dont pretend to be outraged.

  • Mendy

    What would the Rebbe say to that?
    Would he say that the boy should not be allowed, and be deprived of a Chassidishe education, based on the way he and the family dresses?

  • ?????????????

    what happened to us????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

  • how about education?

    Instead of denying kids for not being up to your standards, why don’t you focus more on educating and inspiring kids to be up to par? Isn’t that what the school is for? Are you in the business of just preserving chassidiskite/ frumkite or are you hear to teach and inspire kids to want to grow?

    • One thing at a time

      The school cant be doing both – filtering students and educating oh and inspiring the kids, that’s multitasking duh!!

  • I approved wholeheartedly

    Now can we just enforce the same rules for the teachers? The way the Rebbe instructed?

  • Shame on you.

    What makes you think that only Satmar needs to be frum?
    If your child has thick hair and/or fast-growing hair, a “3” is way to long.
    We (unfortunately) already have “day-schools” in the area for the not so frum. We need the yeshivas for the kids who are being raised as yeshiva bochrim.

  • can't be chabad

    thought we embrace everyone, inspire and bring out the good in a positive nonjudgmental way.

  • Fantastic!

    This administrator is speaking the right language. Too bad they don’t have the gumption to sign their real name.

  • Leeba

    To the cowardly Anonymous School Administrator who wrote this article without sharing their name: I bet you also bemoan the problem of people going off the derech. Well as a card carrying member of the OTD community, I can say with certainty that this type arrogance and hypocrisy certainly plays a role. Being frum is supposed to be about being close with God. Yes, it’s easier to look at and judge the external trappings of piety rather than get to know someone and find out if they sincerely want their children to get a good Jewish education. But if you cared about educating Jewish children more than you cared about your social status and ego, you would try.

  • Rochel

    Yeah, if this is coming from a lubavitcher whose rebbe said ”orthodox, conservative, reform, if we add labels we create separation.and labels” or something of that nature. I’m not saying a reform, completely non observant child should be accepted, but we need to look past these silly differences. Once the child is accepted and learns the proper ways and still doesn’t comply. That’s a different story. But this is nonsense. We are apparently turning into Satmar and Bobov.

    • You may have missed...

      Respectfully the administrator refrained from name calling/label giving. But your point could have been true.

  • Beyond words...

    The only silver lining here, is that although these morons arrogantly act like they operate an old-world monopoly, ultimately, people are free to, and will take their business elsewhere. And that will be both inside and outside the Lubavitch educational system. Ideally and hopefully, moderates in Lubavitch will fill this educational vacuum, but if not, so be it, and everyone please remember this negative attitude, with your donation dollars and other efforts. Money is mobile, and may the best man (or mosad) win.

  • Embarrassed and appalled

    Wow… This is really the epitome of Ahavas Yisroel (sarcastic). While I understand and agree with your sentiments – this op-Ed is all that is wrong with Chabad in a nutshell. Imagine if Chabad Houses had this approach !????!???
    Whoever wrote this- look in your life and see things that u can improve. It may not be things that we can all see but I assure you, it’s there.

    • To Embarrassed and appalled

      this isn’t a Chabad House. This is REAL LIFE.
      Imagine, a shaliach brings some college kids to CH and tells them, “look how beautiful and Chabad community is, everyone is frum, everyone keeps shabbos, is proud to dress like a frum Jew…”
      And the kids look at him and say: “where???” This one is on a cell phone on shabbos, that one forgot to put on her skirt, and that chossid looks like a hippy with his beautiful long flowing hair!”
      Hummm – what happened to the dugma chaya the shaliach was trying to show these kids?
      Like I said CH can’t be a Chabad House. We have to be real, so visitors can come and say, wow, I like this. This is worth changing the entire direction of my life.
      Can’t do that is we become one big Chabad House.

  • Machon Menucha, Jerusalem

    A gut voch. I just saw this op-ed, & I am torn. The writer is extremely blunt, maybe even harsh, but IF those are the reasons children are rejected from Chassidishe schools – well, I get it. Schools have basic standards and parents are expected to adhere to those standards. Unfortunately, it’s not just long hair or Kacha-Kacha tzitzis that are the problem: it’s the “values” children bring into school. My own sons were never allowed Game Boys – back in the day. However, they knew all about the different games, as well as TV shows. I did wonder what kind of school they were attending (another story.)

    But sadly, the writer’s postulations are NOT the only reasons. Boys AND girls are rejected because they ask probing questions; because they are spirited, opinionated & therefore, labeled disruptive. They are creative yet there is no outlet for their creativity & leadership qualities (GO is ALWAYS the “good girls”) They may have mild social or learning challenges; they may come from difficult backgrounds. Most frequently, they are just lost in huge classes and are not succeeding. And THAT is a bigger shanda – not giving these kids a chance.

    That’s why we are opening our school September 1. Without funding, without support, but with incredible nissim & multiple Brachot from the Rebbe. I have written many times to the Ohel & the next day, seen my answers & brachot. Others have written to the Igros & I have seen both the original letter & the answer & I have to say, I am stunned by the clarity.

    We believe girls who are square pegs should not be pushed into round holes. We make the hole fit them.We are blessed with a wonderful, diverse group of girls who will challenge us as educators, as mechanchot, as Chabadniks. And we are rising to the challenge with great excitement & positivity. We will not let anything stand in our way of giving our girls an excellent Chabad education based on the Rebbe’s standards. And let me assure you – we will succeed!

    Girls from 7th-10th grades are invited to apply if you are unhappy with your current situation. Please call 718-771-6886 (US line but 7 hours ahead) or go to our website,

  • Nusach sheini

    I understand their outlook, I would change the nusach. Derech agav the new rov of Kfar Chabad is cracking down on tznius and will implement similar steps in the chadorim.

  • Give me a break

    This op-ed is a joke. If you were on shlichus these issues would be a non starter. Why make children suffer because of the parents? The parents obviously want to send their kids to a frum school because they want whats best for them. If the parents are weak in their hashkafa they can be subtly told that they are acting inappropriately but dont write off the children.

  • Yossi

    I love it, but what can I do , my husband is modern I’m not , I didn’t have choice no one wanted me I’m not coming fr great family

    • Yossi?? Really???

      Yossi, you have a husband!!!
      Oy Gevalt!!!!!!
      OK, I know you were just pretending to be your wife. So next time change the name, ok?
      We have enough problems with out this kind

  • Are we still lubavitch?

    There is a video that the Rebbe clearly says that the Shita of lubavitch is not to look at what is going on at home and try to educate as best as possible. YES this was in reference for school for anash NOT chabad house stile. There seem to be people who like ACTING like chassidim while refusing to listen to the Rebbe. Is there a bigger for of hypocrisy?

    • The only reference

      I’m sure that is the only place where the Rebbe addressed chinuch and if there are any others they must be as simple clear cut as this and the administration just want to do davka farkert from what the Rebbe wants.

  • shameless

    I’d rather send my kids to public school than raise them in a hateful community that offers us no place in it.

  • Irony

    The parents who you vilify went through your system and found you wanting. Also the condensending tone you take makes it clear that you are a horrible human being. I imagine you sleep well at night because you feel in your heart that you are a “chossid” doing god’s work. But in truth god
    could care less for angry spiteful people like you.

  • Love It!

    This is not hateful. It’s is a fact. If you don’t follow our standards why oh why do you want your kid in our schools?? Is it to show our kids that what they are learning is all a joke? And to all those who say that kids should not pay for their parents mistakes….. Kids always pay for their parents mistakes! If the parents choose a certain lifestyle like not dressing tzniut it’s directly affects their kids. Why qid the blame on the school who want to teach al taharas hakoidesh? It’s the parents!

  • mother

    i dont understand what do you want. why should we lower our standard? the admin is 100% correct. selfish self centered puste parents who want to flaunt our standards and dress wong why should we accept your kids who might undermine everything that i am trying to instill in my kids? shame on the parents and thosewho show support to them. it is time to take back our schools

  • West Crown Heights

    It is possible to wear a kipa and tzitzis and eat pork in private. It is possible to wear a sheitel and skip the mikva. Who cares what a Jew looks like? If a parent is bringing their child to your school, it is because their neshama is so inspired to Jewishly educate the next generation. It’s terrible to turn someone away for such a superficial reason. Every Jewish child is entitled to a Jewish education! This article makes me think my children might even be denied because my husband wears a knitted kipa and I don’t own a sheitel. But he and I have both dedicated our lives to Jewish education. We as Jews need to think more of the next generation than of images. Oy, we are in trouble.

    • Laya Rivka

      Beautifully said. You speak of the Judaism I love. Thank you for sharing you shining neshama.


    I think that all kids should be bused to Boro Park, Williamsburg and Monsey. There they will be in the Jewish ghetto, and no one will infringe on their Chassidishkeit Chas Vesholom. They will grow up with all the values we so cherish, and no lesser Frum people will influence them.

  • Follow the rules

    Every school has a right to set their rules. If you care so much about your child, just follow the rules.
    There is a difference if the child comes from a not frum home – yes, they can grow and we should help them.
    But a child from a Lubavitch home… respect the school rules and comply – it’s not a hefker velt!!

  • despicable

    This letter, and the attitude expressed within, are despicable.

    Go look at the schools in Melbourne, for example, where EVERYONE is accepted, as long as they’re Jewish. They are far superior to our Crown Heights schools and perhaps we should examine why.

  • its all about direction

    Are the parents climbing up in their yidishkeit or down.

    All the comparisons to chabad houses etc are unfair because their the families are looking to grow, not to get away with as little as possible.

  • "to those rejected"

    You dress untzinus, your 5 year old looks like he never had an upshernish, you got a TV and what not in your home. Then your upset why your child wasn’t excepted. Really? Your child brings all that nonsense to school, and shares it with other children. Why should a school want your child? Why do YOU want to send your child to a school that teaches them one thing, and then the child’s very own parents at home take halacha and chassidishkeit and throw it out the window???

    Really, it”s the schools fault??

  • why should the child lose out?

    Why should all the other children in the class lose out?
    that’s the question.
    It is not the schools fault,that parents are acting the way thy are. Shame on the parents for not giving their child a chance to grow into a chassidisher person. Don’t blame the school. Parents who are not happy, change your ways, or open up your own school with no standards
    hatzlacha raba

  • Shlomo S.

    Every child has a right to an education.

    I think this website should require the author of the article AND the comments to put their name on what they write.

  • FYI

    You are all so ignorant if you think TV is the enemy…how about every cell phone, computer, etc you allow into your house. Get with the times people!
    And plenty of children who DIDN’T grow up watching TV or movies are the ones who desperately crave it later on-fact!

  • Raising children with no respect

    I’m writing from experience I was walking down street in ch as one of the schools were being left out while a lady was completely tzniusly dressed but wearing a tickle ( hair completely covered) and a group of girl coming out of bnos Menachem made a coment to her very Unappropriate about her wearing a Tichel
    What happened to teaching our children to be respectful to others and not judging others
    I felt that these girls were taught how to dress but not how to act and they made themselves better then anyone else
    I wouldn’t allow my children to act in such a manner
    I would be ashamed as should the parents of those girls

  • who said this is a real letter?

    but the truth is who cares?
    there are many truths in this letter
    it is absolutely disgusting how some parents walk around their Chabad neighborhoods. We are not talking about people who don’t know better. Besides affecting their children in a negative way, it affects all the children in the school. Schools ask that the parents agree to a certain code of tznius and conduct-and if you sign that contract then you need to be ready to do so?

  • When you run a red light...

    you did something illegal, (were not talking emergency vehicles here…) and you can get a ticket…do it
    a few more times and you’ll lose your license…why? because besides hurting yourself, you can also, chas v’sholom hurt others.
    It’s the same here…
    Each of us have things to work on, yes it’s true, but we need to respect school rules if we like it or not. And some of these rules, especially tznius and allowing TV, and other non-Jewish influences/media/music into our home is not only a danger to oursleves, but a danger to all those kids that the children from these homes spread to their friends.
    This doesn’t take away from all the GOOD things that they surely do, but doing one MITZVA does not absolve you of another.
    Please be honest about your behavior and it’s effects and respect halacha and please don’t go bashing every time someone tries to do something about raising the kedusha and safety in our community.

  • Let's populate the Public School System around the area

    Enough with the nonsense of the yeshivas where children don’t learn anything productive and they don’t have the skills to survive in the real world

  • to #91

    “schools in melbourne are far superior”

    as far as chassidishe chinuch goes? not so sure about that

  • To all those threatening to send their kids to PS

    You will cut off your nose to spite your face

    How about instead asking what you can do to help encourage people to act in a way that is halachically correct…and try to do the same yourself…instead of just blaming or pointing out the lack of peace and love.

    Talking about the PS….there’s a reason they have metal detectors…and surely you don’t G-D forbid want to become a grandparent at the age of 32…peace and love and beauty need to have boundaries…

    May we all hear good news…with real and everlasting PEACE & LOVE-MOSHIACH NOW.

  • Probably an angry parent

    This cannot be written by a school administrator. It was probably written by an angry parent.

  • Hey parents

    U are blaming the administrater??instead of complying and straightening yourselves you blame the administrater??? What a chutspa??
    Its much harder to work with kids whose parents are going downhill,then with kids from non frum homes brc these parents who know better instill a laxness to yidishkeit etc,they threw of that yoke

  • Big Money

    I’m a father of a few girls and I went to many graduation parties and most of the teachers and principles are not dress like a chashideshe womens they dont wear long skirts and don’t get me started with their wigs, zniuts should start with the teachers leading by example.

    I agree that we have a problem but kicking students from school is not the solution.

  • To #62

    You didn’t answer the question. Why should my 2 year old suffer and not be accepted to a school because of his older sister?

  • This discussion is a no brainer!

    All the schools have to do is set up a dress code!
    Hair length
    Kippah style or school kippah
    Proper tzizit
    Shirt type
    Pants type
    Shoe type
    What children can or can’t bring to school
    All children will LOOK the same and that’s it!
    The schools have a right to decide how a student should look and if the parents can’t handle it they will look for a school that accepts their dress and style.

  • Wow

    I hope your children and grandchildren are prefect with no never know what the future holds maybe then you will have compassion for tired of hearing the expression it doesn’t fit what have our schools become only for the perfect children.
    Don’t tell me money doesn’t play a huge factor because we all know it does im so disgusted with it all

  • practical answers

    All the commentators are complaining without doing anything. Hmaseeh Hu haikur.

    I just brought this oped to the Ohel and included it with a p’n asking for a brocho that administrators should never dare turn kids away and the Rebbe’s chasidim should never fall so low that administrators should even think about such things

    • To 109

      Practical answer is that parents shape up,u do ur part and administration will have no problem doing theirs
      No they r not accepting ONLY perfect children bec mine r not and r being accepted (and no money also)

    • K

      Is there no line in the sand that if parents cross that line, their children will not be accepted in your mossdos chinuch?

      Suppose parents are michalel shabbos b’farhesya and do not keep kosher, do you want their child to share with your children how delicious the cheeseburger at McDonald’s was that he had for lunch on shabbos?!

      Suppose the parents are extreme misnagdim (like myself) and constantly mock Chabad and disrespect the chossid-rebbe relationship calling it “border-line” avoda zara – do you want such a child to share such views with yours?!

      More so, do you think such children “belong” in your mosdos chinuch or is it contrary to THEIR best interest?!

      In a lesser extreme example, suppose 10 kids in your son’s class have dogs or cats, do you want THAT pressure from your son to also get a dog or cat just like “everyone else”?

      What about having a few children accepted in your son’s / daughter’s class that are sporting nose studs, hennas on their arms or ankles or wearing cologne or perfume in grade, do you have a problem with them being your child’s classmate and spreading their conduct?!

      Well, to some of us, shulchan aruch rules such as tznius, yeshivish dress etc is JUST AS VITAL. That is our line in the sand.

    • Bravo!!

      I’m sure the Rebbe will help. For you though, i hope that when the outcome is established, whichever way it goes, you will see it as a sign that this is the way the Rebbe want’s it and add your ma’aseh to help implement or educate others on the issue.

      (oh and i have noooo clue what the outcome will be)

  • to #109-what makes you so sure that this is a real letter?????

    The tone and grammar and style do not read like it was sent by administration

  • mesivta

    Bringing the discussion to the next level Do yeshivos like mesivtas in chicago, toronto, coral springs, miami, new haven etc.. have a chiyuv to accept bochrim of their own communities?

    • Chiyuv

      An avel has a chiyuv. Does that mean every shul must allow the avel to daven at the ammud even if the avel is wearing shorts and flip flops? Even if the avel cannot read Hebrew?

      Schools may have a chiyuv to accept kids but it depends what kind of kids from what kind of families.

      Does a chabad school (pick any one) have a chiyuv to accept 1000 Satmar boys, who will change the school into a Satmar Cheder?!!

      What about a few hundred children whose families are Conservative Jews?

      What about accepting a few dozen snag children overwhelming the majority of the class makeup?

    • Great question!

      Because i’m sure you are the administrator of one of these yeshivos so you have to know what to do.

      Oh, and you definitely asked the question in the right place i’m sure it will all be clear to you by the end of this article.

  • Where did these parents go to Yeshiva?

    Are these parents that you scorn products of your own yeshiva? How did they turn out like this? Is they shining examples of your chinuch/ education system?

  • Every Jewish child!!!!!

    As long as the Mother is Jewish according to Jewish law and the parents are aware that the school is run according to the Torah, then the child
    should be allowed in the school. As The Rebbe said “EVERY JEWISH CHILD DESERVES A JEWISH

    • You missed the end of the quote from the Rebbe...


  • to 4#

    We dont demand girls wear tights 24/7, at least midcalf skirrts, short sheitels

    yes? can you explain that? do we demand tznius? and if yes what are the parameters, and does it demand this?
    or are you just speaking based on your feelings? and what you like?

  • We don't want your school

    We don’t want your school that has such low ahavas Yisroel. there are much better schools that are not filled with hateful people like you

    • So sorry to see you go.

      Just realise it’s not hate.
      We love you and your kids.
      We also love Hashem and our kids.
      We want your kids and our kids to love Hashem and keep His Torah.
      You want your kids, and ours to Hellenise.
      Well, Our love is stronger and will win. Because the Truth always wins in the End.

  • Fake

    I’m 99% sure that this was not written by an actual school administrator. Probably one of those weirdo Tzinius police people wrote this.

  • Yeshivos Failing The Community

    Speak with many such families that the op-ed writer speaks of and many will tell you how they were labeled by Yeshivos during their attendance. Look at what is happening in the news regarding a Bais Yaakov in Brooklyn. Yeshivos are blaming their lack of interest and caring on the families of students or worse the students themselves! Let the administration look in the mirror before judging others. If the Yeshivos educated as they should, we would not have the situation described in the op-ed. Fix the education problems. A good teacher can recognize each child’s strengths and teach the class giving over the subjects according to the needs of each child. The administration appears to have life long positions and are not judged by their performance or held accountable to anyone. FIX the system!

    • a bochur

      but the parents dont keep to the schools policy. most yeshivos now have policies, no smartphones. this year, i was the only kid without a smartphone, and my parents asked me if i want one!!!!! yes, a few of them got it on their own accord, with their own money, but majority got it from their parents. maybe the PARENTS are the problem with the system

  • teacher

    our schools are not chabad house. when you send your child to our school you want a certain chinuch. do you know how hard it is for a teacher to try to enforce some standard and the child says but my mommy/tatty dress like this or walk around without sox outside. cant a parent give up some selfish ridiculous “look” to help their child? you cant have it both ways. We do not have a TV in our house but my daughter heard in class about some soap opera series that the girls were all talking about and asked me what it is. do you know how hard it is to tell a boy to learn mishnayes bal pe for tomorrows contest when he says “tonight after school tatty is taking us all to a ball game and I will not miss that for some stupid mishnayos” . or a girl ho says my mother says that on shabbos i can wear what i want and it doesnt have to cover my knees as i am not in school and the school can not tell me what to do. or the kid that brings a cholov akum snack because the parent send it with them. please school administrators, be firm. these parents need to see that the school has standards or send them to modern orthodox schools

    • If You Truly Are A Teacher

      It’s amazing how out of town Chabad schools can influence students and their families that are removed completely from Yiddishkiet, but our CH Mosdos can’t. Maybe we need better caring teachers that can have a strong positive influence on our children.

  • Big Money

    Gimmel Tammuz for me its like a Third Churban, we lost a lot but we also gain a lot.

    The biggest loss is not having the Rebbe in front of as.
    And bcs of it almost every Sheliach & Mossad Principal become a Rebbe, they become the ones to sem to understand what the Rebbe wants, suddenly they got the power to control the people, to tell you what to do etc, this is a very big test and a very hard chalange to overcome, they also become a little lazy and they are putting a lot of pressure on the parents to come up with $1000 of dollars every year for tuition and $1000 for housing, the Rebbe want as to have many kids and i fill we are being punish by paying so much money, try to send 5/6 kids to Yeshiva or Seminary plus all the expenses, tickets/pocket money etc. it become almost immposible to pay,
    i remember me and my wife beging a seminary to give as a break on the tuition after i lost my job and out of work for many many months we beg the principal to take our daughter , they didnt want to charge as a penny less! how many more hours we can work?i know people working 2 jobs just be able to put food and pay rent etc,

    in almost every house we have kids going off the deirech or going light and i dont think all the Yeshivas want to deal with this kids any more and its more easy to reject them.

    what about , if you send you kids to that school you cannot send your doughter to our school or if you daven in a Meshichist shul the dont accept you kids to cheder or girls school.

    we have a lot of cheshvon nefesh to do, The Rabbonim,Shluchim and Parents.

    Parents also have to be very frank with their self.
    how you dress? how you talk? how you daven,
    you have a beard but not a Kapote, u have a kapote but no beard you seat and shmuz in shul what about the mother? how you dress? how much you cover? what you are passing to your kids?

    and when they dont accept your chid suddenly you remmember the Rebbe?

    the Bottem Line, we have a big Cheshbon Nefes to do.

    ( i like to give credit to Beis Chomesh in Toronto, The Queens Yeshiva, Ohalei Torah & The Postville Yeshiva for going out of their way to help as, and we will always remember that )

  • In my days...

    When I was in elementary school in Bais Rivka on Church Avenue 40+ years ago, our class had at least 6 girls who were from Non-Frum families from Flatbush and other nearby areas. The other grades had Non-Frum girls as well. It never dawned on any of us that there should be a separation from them in our daily life. They were our friends and classmates and it was a lesson for us in doing Hafotzah at such a young age. The Rebbe was very aware about the school activities and the makeup of the student body of Bais Rivkah.

    • not the same thing at all!!!!!

      As many have already mentioned, kids look at the children from these families as other “Lubavitchers”, and it is extremely confusing for them and much more damaging when a fellow Lubavitcher does this. These folks are unfortunately, at least for now, on their way down in Yiddishkeit, It is NOT the same thing at all as people who are not rebelling against what they were taught because they don’t come from a frum home in the first place or profess to be part of the mainstream Chabad community. It makes a big difference if you are on your way UP or chas vsholom, temporarily, down.

  • confusing chinuch

    It is a big injustice to the child to be taught things in school that are conflicting with things taught at home. That is the fault of parents who place their children in such schools. Tznius, kashrus, TV, etc . That’s how children suffer due to the parents. Not the school’s fault. The message should not be about rejection, but about not pitting a child’s parents against the child’s teachers.

  • anon

    To all complaining about the kids losing out because of their parents.
    Think for a second, the kids are already losing out, when they are being brought up at home a certain way. so there no one screams about the kids losing out because of the parents, only the schools are obligated to deal with i.

    and then what about the complaint about other kids who have to lose out because of these kids?

  • Chaim HIllel Hallinger

    The bottom line is that regardless of how much you will criticize this “insane/disrespectful” teacher, all us chassidish parents deep down wanna figure out which school this is so we can send our son there.
    This article is similar to the great debate of racial profiling: While we all hate it deep down we love it.

  • Just curious

    Have you every altered your view because of an op-ed, or for that matter any article or comment on this or similar websites? In other words, is there one writer on this page whose view can be changed after reading this or any article?

    Just wondering.

    Well, at least it makes an enjoyable chill-out read time.

  • to 147

    In our out of town Chabad school, our teachers are not so successful with students who are ‘on the wa down’. Many have been asked to leave, even children of shluchim. Its a combination of bad influence, and believing the school can’t service their needs.

  • great article!!

    yes! I want to send my child to your school where his friends will respect our values!!
    every private school- including yeshivos have a right to choose their criteria of who they cater to.
    parents who have issues with this- be honest-your the same ones complaining the yeshivos should have secular and your kids aren’t learning anything so …instead of your kids bringing down ours- find him a school that reflects your lifestyle.

    and yes. I pity your child- not for being denied but for having to figure out your double standards- what do you belive in….?
    ive taught in schools and I can tell you- the kid with the long hair is the kid who doesn’t want to participate either- he has no interest since none of this is reflected at home.
    sorry-its the reality- one kid who grumples about it all can affect the whole classes attitude-
    so I admire schools that stick up for our Torah and trying to give our kids a pure chinuch- which unfortunately is practically impossible with so much filth coming from the modern orthodox homes
    I don’t want your child talking about movies all day to my child-so I appreciate the selectiveness
    modern orthodoxy is the way to go downhill….but IYH they’ll find their way to a chabad house one day.

    and the screaming “ahavas yisroel!”
    there is no greater lack of ahavas yisroel than the blatant disregard of everything the Rebbe held dear.
    that is disrespectful! that is painful- to ur parents, he Rebbe, and the community. where is YOUR ahavas yisroel? have you become so shallow and self centered that you want the right to do what you want and still be treated like a chassid when you mock it publicly?
    this school administrator has ahavas yisroel by caring for many of us who actually try to teach our kids right from wrong. and I thank him for it.
    and I cry for your children who YOU are denying a proper chinuch!
    cuz chinuch starts at home…!

  • It's all about money

    If a kid is rejected by a ch moised, its much more likely to be about money than tznius.

  • teacher

    to the teacher: when you deal with non frum kids they listen but never heard the concept of frumkeeit etc. and maybe not accept. here in ch the parents chose to dress and act differently than a true chossid. the parents want their kids to be more modern. chinuch is 90% at home.
    Please do not accept kids whose PARENTS are rebelling. Do accept our KIDS who are rebelling and the parents are working with the school

  • K

    Is there no line in the sand that if parents cross that line, their children will not be accepted in your mossdos chinuch?

    Suppose parents are michalel shabbos b’farhesya and do not keep kosher, do you want their child to share with your children how delicious the cheeseburger at McDonald’s was that he had for lunch on shabbos?!

    Suppose the parents are extreme misnagdim (like myself) and constantly mock Chabad and disrespect the chossid-rebbe relationship calling it “border-line” avoda zara – do you want such a child to share such views with yours?!

    Imagine if YOUR son’s school accepted into HIS class 20 “Yoilies” with payos speaking Hungarian Yiddish. How would you feel if your son came home wanting to sport curly “langeh payos” – like everyone else in his class, and starting saying his brochos in the Hungarian pronunciation?

    In a lesser extreme example, suppose 10 kids in your son’s class have dogs or cats, do you want THAT pressure from your son to also get a dog or cat just like “everyone else”?

    What about having a few children accepted in your son’s / daughter’s class that are sporting nose studs, hennas on their arms or ankles or wearing cologne or perfume in grade, do you have a problem with them being your child’s classmate and spreading their conduct?!

    Don’t think there aren’t girls in grade 4 whose parents encourage them to wear makeup “l’kovod shabbos” (ironic that they apply the makeup ON shabbos!). Tat is outside school hours, but your children meet them in shul and are exposed to this behavior from a classmate!

    You would expect the school to “protect” your child from such external influences. These influences can be owning a dog, “langeh payos”, grade 4 girls wearing makeup (after school – on shabbos), misnagdim attitudes – mocking Rebbe, body piercing, laxity to shmiras shabbos and kashrus etc. So why not “protection” from other “influences” that a child WILL bring to school because of what he sees and hears at home.

    Should a school accept a child whose parents CONSTANTLY use swear words in front of the children? Won’t this child “bring” this vocabulary to school and integrate these words into your son’s communications?! Who will you blame when your child comes home using 4-letter words that he “learned” in school???

    These issues cannot merely be addressed by a “dress code” or “conduct code”.

    More so, do you think such children “belong” in your mosdos chinuch or is it contrary to THEIR best interest?!

    Well, to some of us, shulchan aruch rules such as tznius, yeshivish dress etc is JUST AS VITAL. Each school sets the standards of the “type” of families it will accept. Some will accept the children from swearing parents or dog owners etc. but other won’t. That is their line in the sand.

    • Crown Heightser

      How dare you compare my personal choice of dress style with someone owning a dog! Are you implying that I am a dog!

      A few inches of a lower neck line which is accepted in our neighborhood is not the same as long curly payess – which is a foreign look to chabad.

      Plenty of kids who grew up in chilled open minded homes ended up running chabad houses because they could relate better to the outside world. Others are on the board og many of our schools.

      Administrator, listen carefully, the kid that you reject today will be the kid who you one day will be knocking on his door to help you meet your payroll. On that glorious day, that rejected kid will say, sorry, but I cannot help a school that wasn’t there for me.

  • to 153

    I am one of those former Church Avenue students, and yes, we had many not Lubavitchers in our class, and most came from non frum homes. They came for the free Jewish education (which is no longer offered).
    We respected them, but we knew that they were different and if there was something they did that we didn’t do, we knew we were “better” and we were the example for them, and not C”V the other way around. But when your children go to schools with fellow Lubavitchers and (In High School – many of them shludchim’s children) they are not acting the way chassidim should be acting (whether it’s their dress, speech…) we are putting our children’s future in jeopardy. “If my friend can do it, why can’t I?”
    I don’t believe that the op-ed was written by someone from the hanhala of one of our schools, but I strongly believe that the schools are the only ones who can crack down on the community. And if it means not accepting these children, then so be it. Maybe people will think twice before walking outside the way they do.

  • I have news for you 160

    I have news for you 160 ; Modern Orthodox has shifted to the right. Chabad is the new Modern Orthodox

  • Lubavitch Pride

    For those brave enough to admit that they have a problem with tznius, Maagalim get togethers are for them. A hands on tznius workshop lends a hand to those who wish to dress properly but weren’t aware of their true inner desire.

    And a word to the aidele yungeleit who are afraid to clarify to their wives what is ok al pi halacha and what not:Don’t be afraid. State the halachic standards in a darchei noam fashion, but devorim hayotzim min halev. A woman truly wants to please her husband, but he has to be verbal about this.

  • Anonymous

    To #167-why would you think the husbands know more about tznius than the wives?

  • You never know

    I went to a small town Day School (by New york standards) in the ’60’s and early ’70’s.There were quite a few students from families that were not too religious,but they were there just the same.I remember one boy who was especially difficult.I don’t think he lead a very religious life once he graduated. Just heard recently that he started going to shul. I don’t know any details as to why all of a sudden-after almost 50 years-he is goling to shul but just the thought makes me smile.

  • .chaim

    how come no one talks about all the men and bochurim who shave their beards our trim it , how come the never a issue.

  • Dina

    This is why it’s important to know where your district stands in the public school system. The yeshiva system has been a failure for a long time.

    I hope there are some more alternative options when my child is entering yeshiva, for my in laws sake. For me, I could care less, it’s behavior like this that makes me look forward to the public school system.

  • Not the Lubavitch I grew up in

    The contempt, tone, and bullying in this thread is a perfect example of why my own kids do not go to Lubavitch schools. This is not the Chabad Lubavitch I know and love. It’s not representative of the Rebbe with whom I was zoche to be close to. We’ve traded welcoming for judgmental. We’ve abandoned caring for zealotry. Remember when we were kids in yeshivah how we’d look at Satmar, Bobov, Vishnitz, Skver, etc., and not understand how they could be so intolerant, so “non-Chabad”? Well, we’ve become them. As much as I mourn the Rebbe not being with us b’gashmiyus, part of me is relieved that he is being spared seeing Chabad fall apart at the seams, the arrogance and intolerance of some so called Chassidim would be the greatest source of agmas nefesh.


    A few years ago… 2 days before yeshiva began, my son was denied entrance based on false allegations that my ex-spouse had been providing someone who was supposed to advocate for children at risk!! I am frum, tzniusdig and run a home based on Torah and Mitzvos…so that wasn’t the reason. At the end of the previous school year, my son had been accepted for the coming year, and under the directions of the yeshiva, I had spent the entire summer raising the entire tuition fees! So that too was not the reason! How the yeshiva capitulated to lashon hora 2 days before yeshiva began is simply beyond comprehension! They were being told that the child needs to live in a frum environment. Um…even before we went our separate ways, I was the only keeping Torah and Mitzvos altogether and still do! But… he comes from a “chashuva” family, so his coercion won over and the child was the one who suffered the consequences… then and now:(. I can understand where yeshivas must put some sort of limit to what they are willing to deal with, but this was beyond!! Of course they never gave a straight or honest answer. I hope they can sleep at night!

  • Why must such negativity be publicized?

    Yes different schools have different priorities and a pure Chassidishe, Torah upbringing is above all else, the most beautiful, but don’t be fooled…This writer is not behaving in a way that a Chassidishe school should support. It is hurtful and arrogant to write in this blunt, rude, close minded manner to anyone that isn’t accepted. There is a way to speak with derech eretz and respect and this op-ed is not written in that way. Every action and word from someone who flaunts such respectable, admirable ways should speak and do all things with the utmost care, concern, and love for their fellow Jew. Reasons for non-acceptance of anything should be a completely private matter. It should not be a public matter.
    Articles like this should not be published.

  • To #5

    Wow. I didn’t realize how easy it is to be frum. I can do whatever I want in my home, have no ahavas israel, or do any other avairos I want. Then I can put on a costume of a white shirt and black jacket, and my kids can get into the more “chassidish schools.”

    That’s easy enough. I thought ahavas israel had to do with loving a Jew because of their neshama.

    To the principal from comment number 5, I would hate to see your school’s safety compromised by someone who doesn’t dress the way you want.
    I guess It doesn’t matter what you are on the inside. We can make blanket judgements about people simply based on their looks.

    I wonder how you teach ahavas yisrael at your school when certain people are shunned because of how they look.

    I know people who dress more “frum” who are much less observant than people who do.

    Another point: When a parent decides they want their kids exposed to certain things, it doesn’t mean that they are on a crusade to make everyone follow that. If someone’s loves art, it can be something for them alone. Who goes around with mivtzoyim cards that read “read secular books.”Don’t you think parents can teach their kids to be respectful of others by conforming to school standards?

    To sum up: If I had read this comment before I entered my first chabad house, I never ever would’ve become frum.