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Op-Ed: Judging Our Role Models

Today’s youth, as the youth of yesterday and the day before, have many complaints. The complaint heard loudest is about the lack of role models.

Now, the complaint is usually not that there is no one for them to use as a role model, but that due to something or other they lost respect in their role model. This past week’s Parshah addressed that very issue.

The last Posuk in this past week’s Parsha reads as follows: לא יבאו לראות כבלע את הקדש ומתו – They must not come to see the holy being swallowed and die. The דגל מחנה אפרים has a very interesting explanation on this Posuk.

He translates the Posuk as לא יבאו – one should not come, לראות – to see a tzaddik, כבלע את הקדש – when the tzaddik is in the בחינה of קטנות, meaning when he is not in an elevated state, ומתו – and take the tzaddik only at face value of what he sees right then and lose respect or stop doing the right thing.

He brings an example of  a Yid who went to visit his Rebbe and observed his Rebbe drinking coffee while in Talis and Teffilin. He then went home and began doing the same – obviously a mistaken approach.

There is a powerful lesson which can be taken from this.

We all have our own mashpiim and role models. We have all at some point observed them making a mistake and doing something which we knew to be improper.

After observing such a mistake, there are three reactions one can have: A) say “if he can do that so can I.” B) Lose all respect for the man, and C) understand that your mashpia / role model is human and therefore prone to make mistakes.

Instead of being a cause for distance, the realization that your mashpia is “human” can be something that adds in respect, he is really someone who you can emulate!

May we be zocheh that through looking at people with “the right eye” we see the coming of Moshiach ומלכנו בראשנו right now!

(Please note: “mistakes” which are a blatant disregard and lack of respect for halacha or something criminal are obviously not the mistakes being referred to here).

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15 Comments

  • 1st comment

    I’ll probably agree with #5 disagree with #47 and #71 should get a clue

  • Misleading

    To the author:

    You wrote: “Please note: “mistakes” which are a blatant disregard and lack of respect for halacha or something criminal are obviously not the mistakes being referred to here”

    So what mistakes ARE you referring to? Drinking coffee in Tefillin? Give me a break.

    The “mistakes” you will likely see your Mashpia make are:

    1) Talking during Davening and Krias HaTorah.

    2) Being greedy with money.

    3) Behaving in a condescending manner toward other people.

    Very difficult things to overlook…

  • Author

    #2

    Yes, seeing your mashpia talk once during davening, hearing him use a word which you wouldn’t expect, being tired and acting dismissive of someone, all of those are simply human mistakes which can be forgiven. Yes, if he always acts that way it is not considered a “mistake” but if it is a one off occurrence, recognize that he is human. He will not be perfect .

  • Chabad Role Models

    This is the same institution who has encouraged our children to admire/respect/stick up for Rubashkin, despite vast evidence of criminality. Shouldnt we be careful whom our role models are?

    • Clarification

      Nobody is saying that Rubashkin didn’t do something wrong. He himself admitted to it. The whole point is that the punishment is excessive. For what he did, he has been punished enough and doesn’t need to sit in jail longer than murderers and rapists.

  • Imperfect

    For me, seeing a mashpia working on himself, trying to be a living yid serving Hashem, is a source of inspiration, and I find in such a person a role model whom I can learn from.
    The fact that he he slips at times, and even makes mistakes such as talking during Davening and Krias HaTorah makes him human. You have to allow everyone, including the mashpia, to have the human trait of imperfection. In fact, the very fact that he struggles, and most often does NOT succumb, makes him more of a role model for me, being someone I can relate to. Someone like me with the same struggles and really works on himself — that inpires me to learn from him.

  • I'd like to agree

    But, what we struggle with is we want to know we are getting the “right” advice from our mashpiim. These faults make us doubt his advice. What we really want is a Rebbe.

  • Our heroes

    One of these sites puts out a series called “Our Heroes.” Sadly, the only commonality is that they have all passed on.

  • Drinking coffee while wearing tefillin

    I had always thought that drinking (or eating) while wearing tefillin is a blatant disregard and lack of respect for halacha.

    Wow… now I can either A) say “if he can do that so can I” and start drinking coffee while wearing tefillin, B) Lose all respect for the op-ed writer, or C) understand that the writer of the op-ed is human and therefore prone to make mistakes.

  • reply to 4, and 5

    oy, such misguided comments.
    yes, smr is a most wonderful role model- if you would take one look at his life you would understand that his goodness WAY surpasses above and beyond any of the “criminalities”. we who focus on the good dont even see any bad actually-thats not our business to look there- just look at what you can learn from each person and youll get much further in life rather than getting stuck on others’ shortcomings.

  • Op-eds

    When they are written with a true name of a real person, it means that #1- the person stands behind what he is saying.; and #2- it is bound to be incredibly boring, being that the writer is afraid to take ‘risks’ and be politically incorrect; although #3- because of #1, the op-ed is okay, and people will still read it.

    When they are written with pseudonyms, it means that #1- the author does NOT stand behind what he is saying; and #2- It is usually exciting and written with an extreme approach; and therefore #3- people ENJOY reading it and getting a rise out of it.

    When OP-ED’s are written with NO NAME AT ALL:
    1- the author doesn’t stand behind his own words.
    2- it’s SUPPOSED to drive people crazy or get them all worked up (and WHICH THIS ARTICLE DOESN’T) therefore,
    3- Your article sucks.

    On second thought, maybe this is not so bad after all, being that you got my blood pressure up, simply by being a horrible writer.

  • To #7 and everyone else

    To everyone else
    What you need is a Mashpia. The Rebbe said get a Mashpia. Finding a Mashpia is like finding a wife and Parnasah and if you find the right one it will last as long as the Mashpia is olam hazeh. Mistakes are something we learn from and everyone’s Mashpia reflects their level. If your Mashpia ate milk after meat after 4 hrs isn’t the same as forgetting Rambam once or twice. Speaking during Kaddish or Kriah is a pretty big mistake that seems to be written off here as not. Big deal.

    To #7 If you had a Mashpia the you would never say we need a Rebbe. We have a Rebbe and he is with us more now than ever. Just like Moshe Rabbeinu, the Rebbe went up the mountain. He will be back.

  • Choyker

    To #17
    So when he comes down (the mountain), will he be 40 days older; 19 years older; refreshed to a much younger look?
    BTW, where does Aharon fit into this picture? Mashpia? Surrogate-interim Rebbe?