Op-Ed: From Mourning to Morning

Let’s just say we are all happy that the three weeks and nine-days are finally over. Superficially, while it seems that this happiness expresses itself on various levels in a cross-section of people – the truth is, at its core we are all rejoicing for the same reason – that is, our ability at this time to achieve through kindness and compassion what we have attempted to do through sadness and grief. But just as the seasons change, this joyous season too will pass on by unless we can effect true and lasting change; change that we have been pursuing for thousands of years and until now has been so illusive.

Focusing for a moment on the abrupt and extreme change in emotions from Tisha B’av, now approaching Shabbos Nachamu, followed by Tu B’av, really throws us for a loop. The following true anecdote would put into perspective the way that we collectively feel at this juncture in time. It was in March of the year 2003 that a close friend of mine in Yeshiva, Yeshaya Simcha Twerski z”l was tragically taken from us in an automobile accident. It was an early Friday morning and the levaya was scheduled for Motzei Shabbos in New Square. Following the levaya, as we made our way back to Connecticut someone in the car got a phone call that another friend had gotten engaged. At that moment, I recall having a hard time reacting. On the one hand we are returning from the funeral of a friend of ours who lost his life at the tender age of twenty, while, on the other hand, we were now expected to rejoice and feel happy for our friend who’s life in the larger scheme of things is just beginning – this brings into real focus the way we should feel leaving a Tisha B’Av and confronting a Tu B’Av.

This dichotomy is playing itself out right before our eyes. Night and day, life and death and happiness and grief are all extreme opposites but the question is, how distant are they in reality? This question compels us to think about the source of mourning and the root of happiness instead of just how they seem from the outside. When someone G-d forbid has to come to grips with the loss of a loved one or a close relative and they sit and grieve over that loss – to the outside observer it seems that he is mourning over the loss of life. Conversely, when we attend a wedding, a bris or any other joyous occasion it seems to us that the source of happiness is the occasion of a marriage or a new birth, but in truth it is a lot more profound than that.

What is the purpose of relationships in the first place? In fact, why did G-d create a world with two elements of mankind, both male and female and command us to unite and build families? On the same note, what is the purpose of loss? While man was first intended to live for eternity prior to his sin, that sin caused the need for death and rebirth, but still the question is, what is the purpose of it all?

Let’s go back nearly to the beginning. On the sixth day of creation G-d created man. The verse in Genesis says, “It is not good for man to be left alone, I will make for him a helpmate opposite him”. What was not good about man being alone? So if you ask the women I’m sure they’ll have a long list of reasons. But, if the purpose of man is to forge an unbreakable bond with G-d, the immediate problem is, how does a finite man relate to an infinite G-d? So G-d created a world and commanded relationships that would serve as a crutch or stepping stool to aid in our comprehension of our relationship with Him. Looking at a world inhabited by man alone, G-d (so to speak) immediately realized a handicap towards man fulfilling his purpose in a world that has no mirror or reflection of where he is ultimately supposed to get. So He created Chava and was content that a world with both elements of mankind could now relate, albeit on a physical level, to their relationship with G-d, that this world is all about. So in essence, our relationships and the families that we build in this world really serve as a reflection to everything that is transpiring in the world between us and G-d.

Now, looking at the destruction of the Batei Mikdash and all of history’s ensuing tragedies, as well as a Holiday like Tu B’av and all of our causes for happiness and rejoicing, we have a completely different understanding. What happened with the destruction of the two Batei Mikdash was that the glory of G-d could no longer reside in there. The force that kept the Beis Hamikdash standing was the Shechina, because that was G-ds abode in this world. As a result of sin, G-d threw us as well as Himself into exile. So while our sitting on the floor, mourning the loss of life and grieving over the tragedies of this world, seems like a very one dimensional observance, we are in fact mourning over the absence of G-ds Shechina, hoping that if we express our inability to persevere without Him, we might just merit to see His return and the end to all further sadness and tragedy.

Now for Tu B’av: The Mishna in Ta’anis tells us that the two greatest Holidays in the Jewish calendar are Tu B’av and Yom Kippur. While Yom Kippur we could understand, what is the significance of Tu B’av? The Mishna tells us, among the occurrences which took place on Tu B’av, the maidens of Jerusalem would take to the fields in singing and dancing in borrowed white linen clothing (as not to embarrass she who could not afford a pretty outfit). The boys, eligible for marriage would gather around and choose for themselves a marriage partner.

It is explained in sefarim, that one can tell what is going on in Heaven based on the events that are transpiring in this world. As we explained earlier, the physical and spiritual worlds parallel each other. On a day which is defined by the marriages which took place on it, it would suggest that a similar sentiment is being expressed in Heaven. It seems that we are mourning on Tisha B’av over the absence of that which we regained on Tu B’av – the presence of G-d within us.

In fact, it occurred to me that this idea is concealed in the very names of Tisha B’av and Tu B’av. We see a similarity between the ‘tes’ in Tes B’av and the ‘tes’ which precedes the vav in Tu B’av. This is to say that there is a fine line between Tu B’av and Tisha B’av, the only difference being the ‘vav’ which in chassidus represents hamshacha or drawing down from above. In other words, the only difference between the mourning of Tisha B’av and the joyousness of Tu B’av is G-ds presence amongst us. So while our observance of a house of mourning and the joy of a wedding seem like opposite extremes, in reality the distance from mourning to morning is the realization that G-d belongs next to us, and when He’s not in His place this world is a very different place than it was intended to be. Now that the morning has dawned, let’s do what we can to keep it forever.