Even when William Congreve coined the phrase “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, he could not have envisioned the utter lack of courtesy and decency with which I and many other residents of this community are confronted on a daily basis.
I am referring to what I like to call the “Baby on Board Syndrome”, where many mothers feel as though they are the queens of their domain, and that the rest of the world must either make their motherly lives easier or get out of their way.
The most common example of such lack of courtesy takes place when a person sees a woman with a stroller who needs to enter a store. Naturally, most bystanders quickly react by opening the door and holding it open for the mother with the stroller.
Op-Ed: Stroller Controller – on Inconsiderate Stroller Operators
Even when William Congreve coined the phrase “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, he could not have envisioned the utter lack of courtesy and decency with which I and many other residents of this community are confronted on a daily basis.
I am referring to what I like to call the “Baby on Board Syndrome”, where many mothers feel as though they are the queens of their domain, and that the rest of the world must either make their motherly lives easier or get out of their way.
The most common example of such lack of courtesy takes place when a person sees a woman with a stroller who needs to enter a store. Naturally, most bystanders quickly react by opening the door and holding it open for the mother with the stroller.
Although one would naturally expect a “thank you” at the very least, very rarely is that the case. In nearly every instance, the woman walks right by without so much as an acknowledgement of the favor. They act as though you had to open it for them as a matter of course.
Another example of this behavior is where a mother parks her stroller directly in the doorway of a store, completely blocking pedestrian traffic. Although there are some stores that do not have room to accommodate strollers, I have seen this lack of courtesy in nearly all stores in the neighborhood, including stores with lots of stroller accommodation.
Recently, a friend of mine politely asked one such mother to kindly move her stroller aside so that he can walk by. The woman gave him a look that screamed “how dare you?”
As a parent with children and multiple strollers to lug around on errands, I understand the struggles endured by mothers with children and bulky strollers. However, that in no way absolves you of the responsibility to behave like a decent human being, to show common courtesy and to consider the needs of others.
If someone holds a door open for you, take a moment to acknowledge the act of kindness with a smile and a “thank you”.
If you are in a store, try to move your stroller out of the way of pedestrian traffic as much as possible. If you must block traffic, be prepared to move your stroller when someone needs to get by.
While mothers and their children are among the most important members of the community and society, they are not the only members of the community and society. Other people still exist and deserve courtesy and respect.
Although you work hard and are often hurried and overwhelmed, please do not let it get to your head by forgetting that the lack of politeness, courtesy and basic human decency is inexcusable.
This Op-Ed reflects the views of its author. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CrownHeights.info nor of its Editors.
A reader that wishes to make his or her voice heard on any topic of their desire is welcome to submit his or her Op-Ed to News@CrownHeights.info.
fed up ch-er
ditto
moshe
This is just a bunch of hate by someone very frustrated, how can u generalise that all mothers are selfish and mean??? Some people are nice and some people are not, regardless if they have a stroller with them or not! Get a life and write about something that matters.
practical solution
What I do, if the stroller is blocking, I just move it out of the way. If the owner of the stroller does not like it, they can put it someplace else.
FROG&TOAD
lmao!
of all the vast multitude of instances where the lack of courtesy and basic decency are blatantly commonplace here in CH, Mr/Mrs Author was so bothered by THIS that they were compelled to write a whole article?
hilarious!
Ch Stroller Menace
Are you kidding me with this nonsense? Unfortunately, someone hodlng the door for a mother with a stroller in this community is not the norm. I can’t tell you how often it happens that the door is closed right in my face. On the rare occasion when someone does take the time to open the door (usually another Mom), I always say thank you and from what I have seen, most do as well.
In addition, it is the reality in this community that most of our stores are not stroller friendly. Despite the best of planning, sometimes we Mothers with the double strollers need to leave our homes for groceries, stamps or just our own sanity. I personally make the decision on where I am going to shop on how easy it will be for me to get through the door. However, even the smallest of double strollers takes up room and usually there is more than one in the store and an aisle needs to be temporarily blocked. I can’t help but wonder if your friend really offered a polite “Excuse me,” to receive such a reaction. More often than not, during the two seconds I am picking out my lettuce, some gives me an exasperated, “Move your carriage!” or just unceremoniously shoves my stroller out of the way, waking up the baby.
I often remark that in a community that encourages us to have one child after the next, after the next, after the next that there should be more stroller tolerance. But obviously from this belligerent op-ed, that day has not arrived.
Sam the Internet Troll
Op-Ed author wrote:
———————————————————–
“Even when William Congreve coined the phrase “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”,
[read – look at me, I can misquote obscure English playrights from the Restoration/Glorious-Revolution period of late 17th cetury Britain]
he could not have envisioned the utter lack of courtesy and decency with which I and many other residents of this community are confronted on a daily basis.”
———————————————————–
Really, William Congreve? Who exactly do you think your audience is? Wouldn’t “Ve’ahavta Lere’acha Ca’mocha” or something timely from Pirkei Avos have done the job?
What we have here, my friends, is another example of the Modern Orthodox infiltration of Crown Heights. First, outreach centers like Beis Shmuel and Ohel Nosson open up in Crown Heights and get mainstream legitimicay. Then, yeshiva dropouts are celebrated by their “chabad peers” because of the redeeming charity work that they do. And now, those who have valid points about the community and its problems have to resort to Congreve to make their points?
What have we come to.
*** Sam takes his meds, goes back to reading homework for English Literature – 1475 to Present ******
It-s all in the attitude
I’ve seen it too, absolutely true. I have many times taken a few more seconds when in a rush, to open a door for a woman with a stroller to help, and most times do not get a ‘thank you’ in return. common decency. Although, it’s not only women with strollers who don’t show appreciation when you give a helping hand – it’s many other people in diff situations too. I call it a CH ‘attitude’ unfortunately, for these people who just look at you when you are trying to be polite, or do/ say something nice. It’s the attitude of a lot of people in our community that prefer to be cold, give you an ‘unknown’ look, rather than giving a smile, a little warmth. Store owners, consumers, people on the street – it makes a big difference to passers by when you can show a friendly side to yourself. Give a smile, a ‘thank you’, a warm gesture, BE NICE! We’re all family! Even if you’re in a bad mood – doesn’t mean it should be transferred and given off to others. In fact, being kind when you’re in a bad mood will not only be nice to others, but will also help yourself. A smile is worth so much good.
A sour face… think about how YOU can affect the people around you with your attitude. Use it for good
mommy with carriage always
to MOSHE: READ THE LETTER CAREFULLY, IT SAYS MANY MOTHERS AND DOES NOT SAY ALL MOTHERS
Busy MOM:
This is just one of those general open -ed , hear me out letters, and does not by all means every one!!!!
I am a mother who is always considerated to door openers/holders for me and i always say, THANK YOU.This letter is great and it needed to written. This is true.
Many moms have huge huge 3 wheeled strollers that you can trip over them by just getting out of there way, its crazy.
Double carriages are hard to manage and nowadays, they are bigger then ever. (more like trucks)
People dont realize that size may not be the issue of the carriage, but the sticking out of the wheels or extra baggage on the carriage is what takes up all the space and gets in the way.
This article annoys me
In general, I find most people in Crown Heights to be quite rude. Chas Vesholom you try to say hello or good shabbos to someone and they look at you like you fell off the moon. Where I come from, yiddin greet each other on the street with a “good shabbos” or “good yuntiv” and if I am the one to greet first they at least have the decency to respond! Why are women with strollers being singled out?
Practicle view
There’s no reason to make negative comments on this article. Look at it as a friendly reminder to be a Little more courteous.
We don’t have to tackle all of CH’s biggest issues before addressing this.
If you are always courteous – Great! move along then without giving your negative comments.
However, I totally agree that it’s not their fault about all the cluster – the stores are clearly not made to handle 2 way traffic.
MLMSCS
What a ridiculous thing to pick on! The mothers with carriages would have an op-ed 7 times as long with their grievances in return to the community! Please! How many times have people rushed by without helping or opening the door or worse still, someone polite is holding the door open and someone else walks right through, in front of the carriage (as in like thanks, we have a generous doorman here!) And my goodness, the comment about the carriages blocking the door! How about the lack of consideration from nearly every store to even have a place for the carriages! Funny that the author was so bothered by a rude women without considering that for most mothers shopping in this community is nothing short of a nightmare. Everyone here is rude, I think the only people who have some justification are probably the mothers trying to maneuver in many very unwelcome settings.
Been There
Crown Heights does not have a monopoly on this phenomenon. In my city (further north) I’ve seen the same thing.
While I have been very appreciative of anyone who helped me with the door or up the stairs< I have received the above mentioned treatment while holding open the door.
However, here I noticed it’s not only at the store. When going into the school to pick up my girls, I can hold the door for most of the school to exit without any acknowledgement. I don’t really care when the kids walk by, but when an adult goes by without a thank you, I just tell them “your welcome” to their backs. To this I usually get the dumbest questioning look, like “how dare you address me”.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that on Yuntif, mothers with strollers (I myself am a mother of 8, bli ayin ra’a) who insist on stuffing their strollers into the shul where there isn’t enough room for those standing. Then, when it’s time to leave, everyone trips on said strollers since they can’t see them in the crowd. Why can’t they leave the strollers outside & pick up the baby? If he/she is sleeping, he/she will go back to sleep afterwards. If it’s an oler child, what’s the problem? just a thought…
Zalman
Hilarious read. Thank you CH.info for the entertainment.
Bigger question
Why do I see the women of Crown Heights, who basically represent the Rebbe, OBM, wearing either a shaitel, or some sort of haircovering, with the rest of their bodies exposed? Why cover your hair and uncover everything else?
GROW UP!!!
Silly article by a grumpy old man.
Quite frankly, not only has it never bothered me; I didn’t even realize it was a ‘problem’ until I read this article. If you’d written an article about the lack of general manners in CH, I’d agree with you. But don’t pick on the mothers! Get a life…
Someone complained to the Tzemach Tzedek that people were always pushing him by the Farbrengen. The TT answered, “Don’t take up so much room and they won’t step on you.”
Get a Life!!!
guest shlucha
B“H
I recently had the pleasure of being in Kan Tzivo for a personal simcha. I was truly happily shocked when perfect strangers wished me ”Gut Shabbos” while on my way to 770, a store owner enquired if I was happy with what I bought the week before, and all in all I enjoyed every minute of my stay, and recharging my Shlichus batteries before going back to the country of my shlichus where being prickly in the norm.
Look put for the good points, there are there a-plenty
Bobbe
Great timing- sfiras haomer…. If it were written with a different approach it would be taken more seriously. (I personally have had only positive experiences as stroller pushing Bubby in CH
Shmuli
Such great comments. I’m happy that everyone gets a say. CrownHeighters love bashing one another! That’s the point of all the comments.
To be fair:
Mothers with strollers should try to ensure that they are not blocking the way. It’s not the customers fault that there’s no room, it’s the stores fault!
If the stroller is blocking the way, the other customers should try not to wake up the babies while moving the carriages. If they don’t know how to do that, they should offer to babysit.
Last and not least, having been brought up out of CH, I can seriously say that the people here have such bad manners that it’s contagious! Even non-crownheighters living here are starting to become rude. If you disagree, please read the comments in this article. It’s hard to find anyone who is considerate of another’s opinion (including me!).
Oh, anyone who’d like to comment on my comment – please say Thank you!
get real
just take the stroller with you if you are so bothered. with the kid inside.
then march up the avenue and attempt to enter a store with a stroller. lots of fun. try it out.
just kidding.
i’m a member of the community. its an honor for me to hold the door open for the wonderful young women with they’re precious babies. sometimes i don’t get a thank you, but then again, i was still courteous. most of the time i do get a thank you.
Boruch N. Hoffinger
BS”D
Bad news article!
Just last Yom Reviee (Wed.) I held the door for a lady and she thanked me, here in Crown Heights.
point???
what is the point of this article? is it b/c they have nothing else to write?
Pathetic one sided story
Can people in cCH get any ruder…I can count on one hand the amount of times people have held open doors for me with my carriage..people usually walk right out having it close right in my face ! Take a long look at the other side’s behavior before you write an article like this.
Yosef K.
As a FATHER of one after the other after another after more and much much nachas to follow, I find myself holding the door for mothers w/strollers as someone just forces their way through between me, the open door and the mother w/stroller. The mothers USUALY DO THANK ME and many are sometimes bewildered at my courtesy. The same happens when I offer a lady to schlep her doubly loaded stroller up a flight of stairs to a GROUND FLOOR apartment.
What is pathetic is the fact that most stores that are meant to cater to these mothers, i.e. baby clothing, toys, pampers & accessories are the least friendly to their natural customers. Is this how you treat YOUR customers? Then you demand that they support the Schchuna?
Lately, thank G-d a few new stores with customer service in mind, opened in the neighborhood. They carry most of the items (be it not clothing….) that the non-friendly stores carry. There, they are customer friendly and price friendlier. Until the others realize that the customer is always right, shop there. And if you are looking for a Parnasa, this is a good opportunity for an entrepreneur to open a baby friendly clothing store.
The same applies to some of the eateries in CH. It’s time to thing not only good, but also BIG!
wow!
wow, ‘bigger question’…what about an editorial on that topic?? now that the summer is coming theres a certain element of our women seeing how little they can get away with wearing..with a little something perched on their heads!
OMG
STOP WASTING YOUR TIME!
JUST GIVE MOTHERS SOME “dan lekaf zechus” AND GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE!
(Is that a better quote, Sam the Internet Troll?)
For goodness sake, writing speeches like that!
If you’re a mother and can talk about having kids like that, then you have more important things to do than than write “lange ma’asehs” about something so trivial, Ch Stroller Menace.
Did it really ruin your day that you had to say excuse me to a mom with a stroller, op-ed author?
HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION!
btw, not meaning to be harsh, but the only way this article “helped” me is that from now on I may always NOTICE the strollers even more than before.
anyway, it’s nice to make our opinions know, even though they have no affect. that goes for me, too.
Att CH.info
Att Crown Heights.info
If you only would know the power you web has! Numerous mekurowim, non crown heightsers/ lubavitchers visit your website. Why not use it to pomote Ahavas Yisroel, hafotzo… instead of allowing non poductive useless negativity and haterate?
cns
As a Bubbe who often comes in from Long Island once a week to visit my KA”H sweet grandchildren I am often dissappointed by the lack of common courtesy most people have for holding open a door for me while I am trying to get my grandchildren’s double carriage in a store.I too have had the door slammed in my face while I thought they were holding it open for me. What nachas I recieve when my 7 yr. old grandson comes along and he holds the door open for moms with carriages.I must add in the 7 years dealing with carriages only once did 2 bochurim in Esthers deli get up come over and hold the door for me and my grandchildren.I thanked them then and told them to relay a message to their parents that they should be very proud of them.Z
RJR
BS”D
a sign of a married woman in our community is primarily – the covering of the hair.
they want to cut corners – if they only knew the damage they are doing :(
deep in their heart they know – but who really goes there these days?
beis shmuel rocks
All the mothers from Beis Shmuel are very considerate! We never block a doorway and always say thank-you with a smile.
It-s Scary Out There!
Whoa, those moms with strollers can be downright mean, like they own the sidewalk. I was at Simchas Bais Hashuavah enjoying the music when a mother with stroller did not like the fact that I was in front of her (I was there for 30 minutes before her!) and she kept pushing her stroller into the back of my legs (with her child in it!!). I kept trying to move a bit so she could see, but she kept pushing that stroller into my legs. I turned around to look at her and of course you get the cold stare, like how dare you look at me. I nearly toppled over from the stoller pushing! Strollers as weapons! I could not believe it and I am a mother of 7 K”H!
dan likaf
today i held the door for a woman with a stroller and she said thank you. I said your welcome. ( i wondered if she had already read this aricle…)
maybe some woman are so flustered trying to manuver their kids that the thank you escapes their mind.
or perhaps some see it as untznius to adress a man.
or perhaps they perceive the attitude of the guy holding the door as “im holding the door so I can get in, not as a favor to you”
and i’m sure some initially would say thank you and after repeatedly being ignored and not offered a your welcome stopped.
whatever. no one intends any malice, and whoever wrote this should grow up.
Bemused
Just a lot of inanity, really.
Some stroller users are rude, some aren’t; some of every conceivable group in CH are rude, others aren’t. Learn to create your own environment, and forget everything else.
meds man
sam you’re funny
How Frum
You should be a getleman anyway unless your frum.
The many Woman with strolers may be frum and uncomfterble speeking to the opposit sex. Or May think your frum and not want to make you feel uncomfterble. Especialy after you did them a favor. If you ever went to Wiliamsberg a man would never get a smile or a thank you, and the men don’t usualy hold the door for women. They may be halochakly right. According to tseneus the man should walk before the woman not allowing her to go first in order to look her over. (Yeh I said it) So the issue is how frum are you?
asdf
Mr Op-Ed,
There’s a story from one of the Rebbeim who said to a chossid who complained that people were getting in his way, “Don’t spread yourself out, and they won’t walk on you.”
I feel sorry for your wife. (Though I’m putting my money that you don’t have one – otherwise you wouldn’t be so inconsiderate.)
Look out for my article
I am another mother who is constantly pushing a carriage, and always says thankyou IF someone actually holds the door open.
But that’s IF.
on MOST occassions, the others just watch me struggle, and tell me to move out of their way so that they can go buy their coffee already.
I’ve got a ton more to say. But I think I will also write an article.
BTW, the stores in this community unfortunately do not have the space for the carriages. However, B“H, MOST stores here do not have a ”no strollers policy”. We do need to be thankful to the storeowners for not having that, and rather allowing their stores to get uncomfortably squishy. But this article was obviously written for BP or Williamsburg.
Mom of two
This is a silly article. Why not address something a little more important. Lack of Tznius, trimming of beards, CH turning in to a Modern community ect… Instead this person addresses MOTHERS with strollers. Im not saying that there are not rude ladies out there that uses their stroller like a battering ram, but as a mother of 2 who pushes her stroller every where, I can say more often then not it is the men and bouchrim who are rude to us. How many times have bouchrim run past me in the sub way while I am trying to haul my stroller with BOTH kids either up or down the stairs. More often then not it is a nice black person who helps me while I struggle. OR when I am trying to open the door while pulling my stroller in to a store and some one in a rush slips by through the door and does not help! What is worse are the mant stores that cater to ladies but are impossible to get in to with a stroller. In general this community has a cold front that runs through it. We are kind and warm when trying to mekarve yidden on shlichus, but forget it if you are already frum. Maybe we should work on mekarving our youth who have gone astray or just start teaching our children to menchlich. ( the issues of rude children is a WHOLE article in it self)
Not all kids but alot
I am a mother with a stroller & I find that it’s the kids that slam the door in your face most times.
Parent’s teach your kids that if they go through a door and if someone is behind them keep it open.
Or I get i’m walking through the door and a kid or kids brush pass me to get into the building , store… I don’t blame the kids I just think it’s a shame they do not know better.
double stroller
i wish… I WISH… people would hold the door open. and if and when they do, i do thank and so would most. i support the schuna but i cant shop here bc of the stors are too small.
Yakov
Sam the Internet Troll gets my vote for best comment – Please comment more often
That-s life.
I say that the person who wrote this should take a stroller around with him everywhere he goes for one week, and see then if he still has the same opinion of mom’s and strollers. Yes there is always people who will be rude, and such is life. the bottom line is. If someone has a heavy load, help them and don’t be the one (without the heavy load) to feel you are crouded when you can simply walk around a stroller instead of expecting them to move it for you. Jump over it if you have to. If this issue bothers you, writing a letter to post online will not solve your problem, this is a problem that can only be worked out by you, they one on the emotional rampage. Each time you are bothered, it’s a test on your character to cool yourself off and give over your annoyances to the Abister. Tell yourself it’s hashgacha protis and move on, inside of getting caught up on a fact of life.
CH Stroller Menace
OMG wrote
If you’re a mother and can talk about having kids like that, then you have more important things to do than than write “lange ma’asehs” about something so trivial, Ch Stroller Menace.
My response:
You don’t know me. My children are my whole life and B“H I have been very blessed in this area. I was trying to make the point that in a community that encourages large families, people should be more accepting of children. When a mother shops in this community, she is constantly made to feel unwelcome and in the way. I am always very polite. I’m not from around here originally and the constant abrasiveness I am face with has really begun to wear on me.
As for my ”lange ma’asesh” I type very fast and was quite upset after reading this article. I probably should not have responded.
GLAD TO BE AN OUT OF TOWNER
New Yorkers are GENERALLY rushed and busy. Unfortunately, this translates as rude, selfish, obnoxious.
I am NOT from NY Thank G-d. When I go there it makes me say shelo asani New Yorker, seriously! Where I live, we have manners… we actually say please, thank you, your welcome and acknowledge people. i.e. good shabbos, have a good day, hello, etc.
I think the OP here has great points that go deeper than mothers and strollers
wow!
lets get serious here…how many of these readers will attend the tznius event given in kollel by rabbi gancz?
how many will then make sure their wives/sisters/girl friends adhere to the rules so we can make the rebbe proud?
The Truth
Commenter “wow” = Taliban