INBOX: A Response to – “One More Chair” — An Anonymous Letter to the Chabad World

Dear Friend,

I want to start by saying how deeply sorry I am for the pain and disappointment your family has experienced. It’s heartbreaking—and you’re right to feel hurt. No Jewish child should ever be turned away, especially not from a Chabad institution that bears the Rebbe’s name and mission.

Unfortunately, sometimes—even with the best intentions—Shluchim can lose sight of who sent them and why they’re there. It’s not usually intentional. But as you pointed out, there are times when we treat strangers more kindly than our own. We see it with kids all the time—they’ll treat friends better than their own siblings. Sadly, that same pattern sometimes shows up in our communities too.

But reading your letter, one thing stood out strongly to me: despite your distance from frum life, the Rebbe is clearly still alive in your world. His teachings, his standards, his voice—that still guides you. And that says everything.

So if I may offer one thought, based on what the Rebbe would likely say if faced with this kind of situation: “Get it done.” Not with anger or protest—but “B’darkei Noam u’B’darkei Shalom”—in a peaceful, dignified way.

If one door closed, maybe Hashem is nudging you to open a new one. Perhaps you’re meant to help start a new program—one that fully reflects the values you grew up with. Or maybe your influence can slowly uplift the existing Reform preschool by infusing it with more genuine Yiddishkeit—through love, sincerity, and persistence. L’chatchila Ariber—the Rebbe’s way—teaches us not to go around obstacles, but to rise above them.

You may be in a place where you—not the local shliach—have access, trust, and connection. You may reach people a rabbi never could. And if you take this on with the Rebbe’s vision in mind—with Ahavas Yisroel, with Torah, and with a heart that truly wants to make a difference—you will succeed.

I’m not suggesting rebellion or machlokes, G-d forbid. But I do believe that Hashem placed you in this moment for a reason. Not just for your daughter, but for every Jewish child in your community who might be in the same boat.

Wishing you much strength, clarity, and nachas.

With empathy and respect,
Chaim Gravitzer