INBOX: “One More Chair” — An Anonymous Letter to the Chabad World
About the author: I was raised in a Chabad home. I’m not frum today, but I still carry the values I grew up with. This isn’t an attack. It’s heartbreak.
Like many families in our neighborhood—unaffiliated and not religious—we initially enrolled our daughter in a Reform preschool. A lot of our friends had done the same, and at the time, it felt like the default option.
But about a month before the year began, we realized we had made a mistake. It didn’t feel right—not emotionally, not spiritually. We wanted something more aligned with our roots. Something Jewish, not just in name, but in essence.
We don’t live in a major city with dozens of Jewish schools. We live in a suburban area where, for a young Jewish child, the options are limited: a Reform-affiliated program, or Chabad. That’s it.
So we looked to Chabad.
I told my wife, “They’ll never say no. It’s Chabad. They don’t turn Jewish children away.”
The director told us there was another child with a reserved spot—but that child wouldn’t begin until January 2026. Since we only needed a half-day, from 9am to 12pm, she said it might work.
She invited us to come meet. As a family.
We left feeling hopeful. Our daughter came home beaming, saying:
“That’s my school.”
Then the answer came:
“There’s no room.”
A close family member, raised in the Rebbe’s world, called the school. Not with demands. Just to ask, quietly and respectfully, if they might reconsider.
The response?
“We’re feeling pressured. We don’t appreciate outsiders calling.”
Outsiders. That’s what they called a Chabad grandparent trying to advocate for his granddaughter to not go to a Reform Preschool.
Later, the director told me this directly:
“At least she’s in a Jewish institution. That’s what matters.”
She knew it was a Reform program. And she said it like that was good enough.
But that’s not the point.
The point is that the one door that should have said yes—the door with the Rebbe’s name on it—said no.
The Rebbe said:
“When a Jewish soul is sent into this world, Hashem provides everything that child needs—including their education.”
And:
“When a Jewish child comes to your school and you say there’s no room… you’re turning them away from Yiddishkeit. Add a chair. Add a table. If needed—build a new building.”
These weren’t slogans.
They were standards.
And with Tisha B’Av just behind us—a day we mourn destruction born from within—it all feels even heavier.
We didn’t expect special treatment. We expected Chabad.
We expected what we were raised to believe: that every Jewish child matters, and that no Lubavitch institution would ever shut the door on a Jewish soul—especially not a two-year-old trying to come closer.
Instead, what we saw was something else:
Selective values. Empty slogans. Doors closed for convenience, not conviction.
These schools carry the Rebbe’s name. They fundraise off his image. They quote his words.
But when it really counts—when a real child shows up—they choose comfort over calling.
They take what they want from the Rebbe’s teachings, and leave the rest.
They wrap themselves in “Chabad” while discarding what it stands for.
And honestly? It’s why so many of us have drifted.
Not because we’ve rejected Torah. But because we’ve seen how man-made, conditional, and transactional the so-called “frum” world can be.
If you can hang a sign that says “Chabad” yet turn away a Jewish child for logistical convenience…
Don’t tell us you’re living the Rebbe’s values.
Because if the Rebbe were here—
he’d build a new building himself.
you make the change
I’m so sorry this happened. Sadly, we sometimes forget who sent us and why we’re here. But if the Rebbe is still guiding you, maybe you’re meant to be the one to create change—whether by lifting the school or starting something new. Done with ahavas Yisroel and the Rebbe’s values, you’re sure to succeed. Wishing you much nachas.
AH
Wishful thinking!
P. McDonald
Religion is religion,but this is business. And business is business.
so dont call yourself a shliach
misrepresentation
with the old breed
We were told to run our Torah and Mitzvahs as a business and yet not make a profit but to run in healthy debt…now what that means is we all have to work together and reach out to our communities. The problem here is Chabad and the idea of kehallah are not one and the same…
make your bed
Maybe write which one and give them the chance to defend themselves. You know how preschools work? they teacher student ratios? Youve already started in a different school so maybe youre applying to late?
Pre schools have to run according to the la and maybe they are at their limit right now.
Follow-up to “make your bed”
Yes, we applied late. But we were invited to meet, shown the class, given a schedule, and told our mornings-only request could work. So why say no now? The legal ratio for 3-year-olds is 13:1. This class has 13 kids and 3 staff. This isn’t about timing. It’s about values.
The Rebbe didn’t say “use my name.”
He said: “Add a chair.”
Many reasons
1. You asked respectfully and (at least from the article it seems like) you were answered respectfully
2. It is very likely that the school has a maximum occupancy per building or classroom. Inquire
3. I’m connection to on above and Like above commenter said. Make the change. Inquire what can you do to add more kids?
with the old breed
Hey how about inviting someone to your Shabbos Kiddish/meal and then giving them a bill…….
P. McDonald
You proved my point!
E.T
You’re not alone and you’re not all together wrong.
It’s not different for frummies, mesivta/sems etc.
While the schools and their admins have limitations it is their responsibility to make it happen for each Jewish child.
I can’t imagine putting that on my duch.
The tears shed by parents over school admittance are many and pure
What the rebbe told me
When i first came to chabad i asked the rebbe about people in lubavitch not following torah values. The rebbe said ” look at the ideals not the people”,
I told someone the rebbe’s answer and she said ” however we live among the people”. It is so true
Naftali
Can’t judge between two sides when only one presents and details are missing.
Sure this can happen. It probably does happens. This and things like it.
People being people makes it no less tragic.
Moshiach Now!
Come on
Sorry, no school can accept everybody just because they’re Jewish. Schools have limits, space constraints, staff:child ratios they have to maintain, etc. And yes, getting someone else to advocate is offensive.
Also: Stop using AI to write things for you.
A. Helpasker
“And yes, getting someone else to advocate is offensive.”
Does this include asking for a bracha?
AI detector
All the -dashes- gave it away? 😀
Written by a human. A father. Not AI.
Maybe instead of worrying about algorithms, you could check your own petty, unfounded judgments.
My daughter was shown a classroom, told it could work — then turned away.
Now she will be in a Reform preschool.
Still think I’m the problem?
Ber
Part 1
The writer is correct. Yes, the schools could have limits, but even if that was the situation, there is a way to say no, with sensitivity.
You are on shlichus, and one of the Rebbes children got lost, isn’t this the easiest way to reawaken that connection.
Sorry to say this is not the first or second time I heard this situation. It happens in different states.
Ber
Part 2
The skliach felt pressured because they realized they did something wrong, their conscience began to bother them, but perhaps they feel they are not able to do do something because of certain logigistc restraints.
My advice is for you to ask them if there is a possibility to sign up now for next year, if they have a higher grade.
Wishing you hatzlacha
Moshe
The parents are neither right nor fair
Picture the following scenario. They become intimate and friendly with other parents
They reveal tgeymgrew up in Chabad but it’s not for them for the following reasons
How many primes already in Chabad could that turn away??
The shluchim are right
You’re entitled to your opinion, but let’s clarify a few things.
This isn’t about backgrounds or becoming friendly. It’s about a 2-year-old who was told “this is your class,” given a schedule, and offered hope—then rejected, despite 13:1 legal ratios and 13:3 staffing. One morning-only seat was all we asked. Her grandfather called from pain—not pressure. The facts matter. A Jewish child was told no, when everything said yes.
At least the Shliach is right 🫣
Shmuel
So let me get this straight. A person leaves the fold, turns their back to Chabad and everything Chabad represents, registers their kid to a reform(!!) school, and then it doesn’t work for them so they swing to Chabad, not because they want to return, but because Chabad is now convenient for them, and when the Shliach has rightful fears from letting them in – goes here to bashmutz them. How nice.