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Video: Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Filmmakers Anne Cohen and Martyna Starosta of the Jewish Daily Forward visited Crown Heights and chatted with locals Rochel Raskin and Chana Sharfstein to get an idea of what dating is like in the Chasidic community.

7 Comments

  • 1. anonymous wrote:

    Well said, but at the end, when Rochel Roskin said that you have to rely on your parents and your own decisions…

    Firstly, we still have a Rebbe to turn to. There are those who go to the Ohel to ask for a Bracha form the Rebbe, to ask for direction/sign from Hashem, whether they should go ahead with a certain proposal or not, there are those who write into the Igros Kodesh to ask for direction…etc., so it’s not only relying on your parents, and you (young adult) also have to use your Saichel (your wisdom, understanding, basically- use your brain). If you are not sure, don’t jump into it, no matter what kind of pressure is being put on you, one cannot think clearly when under pressure. You can figure out a way to respectfully tell your parents/ matchmaker or the one who is putting pressure on you that you will not make any kind of decision under this pressure and that you need time/space or whatever it is that you need- basically, the key is PROPER COMMUNICATION with ALL those who are involved!

    Secondly, much too often, I hear from parents looking for Shidduchim for their children and from the young adults looking for Shidduchim- about their parents, that they (parents) will give their opinion and if the parents don’t think it’s a good idea, the child will not go ahead with the proposal, because even if everything sounds good to the child and the parent is just nitpicking on something silly, the child doesn’t want to upset his/her parents. The parents don’t give their child a chance to make their own decisions… And children have to learn to make their own decisions and not just rely on their parents, otherwise these children will never grow up… And that is just part of the so called “Shidduch Crisis”.

    And even worse sometimes, parents will look into someone for their child and won’t even tell their child about the other and they (parents) are just nitpicking on something silly. So the boy and girl will never end up meeting and sitting around staying single, or will end up meeting some other way, sometimes it will be through a mutual friend or matchmaker etc., not necessarily just on their own, without the parents knowing and if it’s a match, the children will then tell their parents… and at that point the parents don’t have a choice…

    PLEASE PARENTS: COMMUNICATE PROPERLY WITH YOUR CHILD AND GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS, otherwise in the end, your child will end up being upset at you and you will hurt the relationship between you and your child- it’s not worth it!

    If your child is truly ready to get married, he/she is truly ready to make their own decisions

    Reply
  • 2. Mrs. Chana Sharfstein explain the Shidduch process wrote:

    Mrs. Chana Sharfstein explain the Shidduch process

    Sorry but I think you are mistaking.

    Going out 8 – 15 times, is not to smart. That is not the average.

    Speak to other Shadchonim 3-10 is more like it.
    If it is more, most times it dose not happen and feelings are hurt Terribly.

    After three dates means You are pretty serious and have some questions. After 6-7 times it might be a good Idea to take a little brake. After 8 – 10 if you cant make up your mind the chances are that after 15 you will still have questions/Issues…..

    I am sure there is always exceptions, but going out
    8 – 15 times is wrong and by saying this. We are telling our children to wait a little and this causes more issues….

    Reply
  • 4. A general advice to all: stay away from the 'Forward' wrote:

    They only look cause trouble to anything of yidishkeit.

    Reply
  • 7. ...manipulated wrote:

    This interview was produced and manipulated to show push the Forward’s own agenda…

    The ending is a pathetic proof of their bias.

    -Just one persons opinion.

    Reply

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