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Rabbi Yoel Kahn: Chassidus is the Only Path to Spiritual Fulfillment and Happiness

In a speech delivered on the evening of Tuesday, Tevet 21st 5774, Rabbi Yoel Kahn spoke out against the perception that people might be able to more easily find spiritual fulfillment through sources other than Chassidus.

Drawing a sharp distinction between the worldly approach to happiness and the Chassidic approach to happiness, Rabbi Kahn argued that we have to realize that at its heart Chassidus carries a very practical message. G-d has given us the privilege of an unbreakable connection with Him, and it is only by embracing that relationship and subjugating ourselves to G-d’s will that we can reach ultimate fulfillment and happiness.

The full transcript of Rabbi Kahn’s speech follows below.

Prepared by R’ Eli Rubin

 * * *

Lately we have been hearing that people are searching. They are not sufficiently happy, so they are searching. To search is actually a very good thing. But we have to know what we are searching for and where to search for it. There is a distinction between the way many concepts are perceived by the general world and the way they are understood from the perspective of Chassidus. The same applies here.

When a person is lacking some kind of vitality, is not internally happy, what can be done that he should become happy? From the worldly perspective, the answer is that he should become free; that he should have no yoke upon him. So long as he has a yoke he is limited thereby; it constrains him.

It is noteworthy to contrast this with the way Chassidus looks at it. There is a letter penned by the Rebbe on the 17th of Elul 5710 (1950); a Jew had complained about various things, concluding that he “cannot find satisfaction,” and that “he feels that he is missing something.” This is what the Rebbe wrote in reply: “In my opinion, what he is missing is acceptance of the yoke (kabbalat ol).” This is exactly the opposite of the worldly outlook. What is the meaning of this?

* * *

Let’s take it even further. There is discourse from the Rebbe (Rani Ve’simchi Bas Tzion, Sivan 27th 5727, printed in Sefer Maamarim Melukut Vol. 4), where he explains why G-d “turned the mountain above their heads like a barrel” before giving the Jewish people the Torah. G-d forced them to accept the Torah. Everyone asks the obvious question; the Jewish people wanted to accept the Torah of their own volition, they had already said “we will do and we will listen.” Why then did G-d have to force them? The Rebbe explains this at length; his explanation is founded upon a teaching of the Baal Shem Tov and the Rebbe explains it with great depth. But simply speaking, when the time comes that a Jew does not want to accept the yoke of mitzvot, this is when the power of the overturned mountain has its effect; something compels him and forces him so that even when he no longer wants it, he cannot tear himself away.

Accordingly, there can be three general ways in which a Jew learns Torah and fulfills mitzvot: One way is that he enjoys it, he is a religious Jew, a Chassidic Jew, and he enjoys it. He learns a piece of Gemara and enjoys it, he does a mitzva and enjoys it, and so on. That is one way. A second Jew has no particular desire, he doesn’t enjoy it, but accepts the yoke of heaven. He knows he has a yoke upon him and he does want to be a pious Jew. He does accept the yoke, but it remains a yoke, a burden from which he doesn’t derive any pleasure. The only motivation is his acceptance of the yoke of heaven. A third person, doesn’t even want to accept the yoke of heaven. He wants to abandon it, but there is something that prevents him from doing so. What is that prevents him? That turning over of the mountain. G-d transmitted something of such potency that the individual cannot tear himself away. Practically speaking, this is expressed in different ways, either because of something his father has said, or that his grandfather said, or that his childhood teacher said. But this is only the technical medium. What is it really? It is the effect of G-d turning the mountain above their heads like a barrel.

Now, let’s think about these three types of Jews; one enjoys Torah and mitzvot, another has no enjoyment but accepts the yoke, the third doesn’t even accept the yoke, but cannot bring himself to abandon it, something prevents him. When is happiness possible? How can one’s study of Torah and fulfillment of mitzvot be permeated with happiness? For the first person it is understood, he has an outright pleasure from learning, whether from studying a page of Gemara or from learning a chassidic discourse. Likewise he enjoys fulfilling mitzvot, he fulfills mitzvot in the most beautiful way, and with enthusiasm. The second person only accepts the yoke; seemingly there is no enjoyment here.

But Torah tells that it is not so. In the Beit Hamikdash there was the pouring of the wine and the pouring of water (nisuch ha’yayin and nisuch ha’mayim); wine has an enjoyable taste, water does not. Similarly, when a person understands what he is doing he enjoys it, but water has no taste and is likened to a person who simply accepts the yoke. But the Gemara says that true joy was experienced when the water was poured, “one who did not see the happiness… never saw happiness in his life.” Elsewhere wine too is described as causing happiness, but in comparison to the happiness of water this is not happiness. True happiness was experienced specifically when the water was poured. This is very strange; when a person knows and understands we say that he doesn’t achieve true happiness, but by simply accepting the yoke he finds happiness.

When we come to the third type this goes even further. Here the individual doesn’t even accept the yoke; is happiness possible even for this person? The Rebbe says yes. A very strange thing. When a Jew says “you have chosen us from all the nations,” that G-d has forged such a relationship with us that even if we want to abandon Him we cannot, this is the greatest possible joy. Such a deep relationship! Such a deep connection that he cannot tear himself away even if he wants to. This joy, which derives from the recognition that he is so strongly connected that he can’t tear himself away, is even greater than the happiness that is derived from simple acceptance of the yoke. He rejoices that he is so strongly bound with G-d.

This expresses a different vision of how a person achieves happiness. The way it is seen from a worldly perspective compared to the way it is seen from a Torah perspective is an entirely different world.

* * *

Let’s return to what the Rebbe wrote in that letter. The individual complained that he is dissatisfied, that he feels he is missing something. The first thing the Rebbe writes in reply is that “what he is missing is acceptance of the yoke,” and that “this is the foundation and root of all service.” Then the Rebbe continues to explain how one brings oneself to accept the yoke, that this is simple, that one doesn’t need to achieve lofty levels; simply, as it says in Tanya, to contemplate how G-d “views and looks and searches the interior of each individual…” Then the Rebbe continues further, “In order to make this work easier for him, G-d gave him the merit that he is a chassid, which means that his soul is a part of the general soul of the tzaddik, and if the individual soul is missing something, through the correct connection he can draw whatever he is lacking from the general soul…” The Rebbe continues to write at length, discussing many foundational ideas, that a mitzvah is a means to connect to G-d, etc.

But there are situations when a person is unhappy, when he does indeed need to see a medical professional. To make it into some kind of movement requiring everyone to seek medical help, is obviously a very strange idea. It doesn’t stand up, neither according to Torah, nor according to human reason. But it is clearly understood that someone who is ailing must go to a medical professional. Even if in such a situation, in which one does need help, one has to know which doctor to go to and on what kind of basis; there are many things that need to be considered. Furthermore, even in such a situation, no doctor, not even a good doctor, can make a person happy. If an individual is missing something, no other person has the ability to replace that which is missing. Certainly, as the Rebbe writes in the letter, G-d sustains everyone and will fill everything with good. But when a person is missing something, the question is what is the address? What is the address to which you should turn for fulfillment? There is no reason to start looking elsewhere. The address is right here.

* * *

Sometimes we try to convince ourselves that “G-d’s glory is upon the heavens.” We want to exalt G-d, saying that he transcends even the heavens, but does he also have a connection with simple people? Is he present down on this earth? Chassidus, we argue, is a very lofty discipline. Certainly, we must learn Chassidus, but we study it as another subject. “I am just a simple person, with a coarse animal soul; I am not especially refined. So what connection does it have to me?” This is a mistake. This is where the dog lies buried. We argue that everything taught in Chassidus is not sufficiently tangible. Of course there are lofty ideas, but the ideas expressed in the Rebbe’s letter are very simple.

A Jew must simply reflect on the fact that we have a Rebbe, that the events of Gimmul Tammuz did not change anything, and the Rebbe gives us attention just he did previously. This is a fact, and it is meant in the most simple sense. This is not something that we’re just saying to comfort ourselves. This is the fact. What it says in Tanya, that tzaddikim are more present following their passing than they were in their lifetimes, is a fact. This refers to tzadikim in general, and especially when we are discussing a shepherd of Israel, “shepherds of Israel do not abandon the sheep of their flock.” The Rebbe used that phrase regarding the Rebbe Rashab. But in this case it is even more intense; the Rebbe Rashab left behind a son, and the Friediker Rebbe left behind a son-in-law, but in our situation we only have the Rebbe just as it was before.

If somebody is searching, if somebody is in such a situation that he needs to pour out his heart to somebody; where can he pour out his heart? where can he cry his heart out? Apart from the fact that he can go to the Ohel and ask for a blessing, which is a whole different concept; we are talking about the need to express what is in one’s heart. The only Jew — not a Jew in the supernal realms, but in this world, “found in all realms more than in his lifetime” — to whom he can cry out to and speak his heart to is the Rebbe. Talking from a psychological perspective, there is a need to pour out what is in one’s heart, but not everything can be said to just anyone, some things can only be said to a very strong and close friend. This is a very practical thing. When we exalt these notions, arguing that this is a heavenly thing or some kind of spiritual thing, we are making a big mistake.

* * *

Another thing mentioned in this letter, is the special opportunity that this individual has as a Shliach of the Rebbe. We are all Shluchim of the Rebbe. There are those who are specially designated as Shluchim, but we are all Shluchim. In the very first discourse that the Rebbe said in 1951 he stated that we are now in the seventh generation and that the purpose of the seventh generation is to draw down the essence of the divine presence. It is for this that all the generations have waited, it is for this that the Torah was given, for this the mishkan and Beit Hamikdash were built, for this Chassidus was revealed, for this Chabad Chassidus was revealed. All of this for what? For the individuals of this generation.

Somebody said to me that the reason one might go to one place or another is because there they uplift the individual. Nothing uplifts an individual like Chassidus. Accepting the yoke of heaven doesn’t mean that you are a nothing. On the contrary! Chassidus tells a person how great he is, that G-d has given you unparalleled ability and an unparalleled responsibility. This is all clear. But to achieve happiness you need to have the right perspective. As the Rebbe writes again at the end of this letter, “abandon the excessive complaints… subject your will to the will of our Rebbe who has transmitted to you the will of G-d…” The emphasis here is again subjugation of the self and acceptance of the yoke of heaven. Why does the Rebbe continually emphasize subjugation? A person complains that he cannot find satisfaction and the Rebbe’s answer in subjugation!

But that is exactly the point. When Jew says “you have chosen us from all the nations,” when he praises G-d that he is so strongly bound up with Him that even if he wants to he cannot tear himself away, he is not complaining. He doesn’t pity himself saying, “Woe! What should I do that G-d has chosen me…” A Jew say “you have chosen us” with happiness and with a melody. On the contrary! Despondence is the very opposite of this chosenness. It is imperative that we not see this as some kind of heavenly or abstract idea. We should not say “G-d is exalted above all nations, his glory is upon the heavens.” This is the fact, the practical reality.

* * *

There is a humorous anecdote told in the name of Reb Itche der Masmid, that there was once a nobleman’s estate and he had dogs, very big dogs, so that it was impossible to pass through there. If you has to pass through you would travel with a very high wagon, which was too high for the dogs to jump up on. Two Jews were passing through one on such a wagon and one by foot. The one with the wagon told the other to join him on the wagon to protect himself from the dogs. But he said “No, I’m not afraid.”

“Why are you not afraid?”

“I have an incantation, and as soon as I repeat this incantation the dogs will disappear.”

The Jew on the wagon wasn’t so impressed by this, so he drove very slowly so that if anything happened the other Jew would be able to climb aboard. Soon enough, the Jew on foot shouted for help and jumped on the wagon. Afterwards the wagon driver asked him what happened to his incantation.

“My incantation?” he said, “My incantation is a sure thing. There’s nothing to talk about! But the dogs didn’t even give me a chance to say it.”

Chassidus is a conducive remedy for everything, but sometimes the dog doesn’t let you use the incantation. Sometimes the dog says that the books should remain on the shelf, that we shouldn’t learn them; but sometimes the argument is more subtle. “On the contrary, learn it, but in practice it is not effective. It’s a spiritual thing, but you are a coarse person. You, you need to search elsewhere; search for things that are lower and more tangible.

* * *

From here we need to go forth, as was said earlier, to strengthen one another. First of all, the more Shiurim established, the better, in the very simplest sense. Likewise, the more Chassidic Farbrengens, the better. And at a Chassidic Farbrengen we must talk to the point. Not to speak nonsense or about irrelevant matters, but to explain that Chassidus is practically effective and relevant. That all things were for the purpose of this generation, that G-d chose us and gave us the greatest abilities, and that from this we should derive happiness. We must work, certainly we must work. Don’t search elsewhere for any nonsense or for any wisdom. Neither nonsense, nor wisdom. We should walk in the Rebbe’s ways for ever and for eternity.

Addendum

I believe that everyone clearly understood what was said. But sometimes we must spell everything out clearly, so that there will be absolutely no mistakes. Earlier we spoke, and Rabbi Schochet spoke, and he probably elaborated more than me, but I see that we still need to spell it out even clearer.

Earlier we explained that there are two perspectives on how to look at a person who feels dissatisfied, and two way to look at the way forward. There is a worldly perspective, and a Torah perspective — a Chassidic perspective. The worldly way is to decrease the yoke as much as possible; one wants to become free. They tell you you’re a great person, don’t worry about others, be yourself. But what does this come to? What is the measure of this person’s self? It can be nothing more than what it is. But the less yoke, they claim, the more the self is helped.

But then, as I mentioned earlier, there is a different perspective. There was a Jew who complained that he did not have satisfaction, and the first thing the Rebbe says is accept the yoke. That’s the first thing. But then this goes even further, there is the concept of G-d turning the mountain over them, that even when one no longer wants it, the relationship with G-d cannot be broken. And it is from this relationship that true happiness is derived.

The Rebbe once said something, not exactly about this, but nevertheless a relevant statement, “For a Jew, true being is non-being.” This is the difference; for a regular person his being is nothing more than his being, therefore if you subdue him and place a yoke on him it is a negative imposition on his sense of self; it constrains him. But for a Jew exactly the opposite is true; his being is his relationship with G-d, expressed through subjugation to G-d’s will.

Who communicates this and reveals it? Torah and Judaism in general, and especially the teachings of Chassidus. This is the notion behind “we will do and we will listen” and even more so “he turned the mountain over them like a barrel.” Accordingly, when does a Jew achieve true happiness? The more that he is touch with his Divine soul. And what is the Divine soul? Acceptance of the yoke of heaven. Moreover, a Jew says “you have chosen us” not with self pity, but on the contrary, with joy!

In the discourse that we mentioned earlier, Rani Ve’simchi, the Rebbe asks how we can achieve happiness even when the relationship is only because G-d turned the mountain over them? The Rebbe answers that this is through our relationship with the Rabbeim, our relationship with the Rebbe.

* * *

This has all been clearly elaborated, but it means as follows: Since people are searching, and searching itself is a very desirable thing, we must know where to go, where to look and where to find it. In simple language; we have no reason to enter foreign gardens. If somebody did enter foreign gardens, what has passed has passed, it shouldn’t be repeated.

What are the resolutions of this meeting? The first resolution is that this matter is entirely out of the question. This is clear. There are no foreign gardens, we have a garden, we have our own garden. What is our garden? This brings us to the second resolution; one is dependent upon the other. We have to increase our study of Chassidus as much as possible, the study of the Rebbe’s discourses as much as possible, the Rebbe’s talks and the Rebbe’s letters. We need to learn these and realize that it does not consist of heavenly abstractions, these are effective in our tangible reality.

There are tens of letters of the Rebbe, if not hundreds, where Jews asked how to find tranquility in their souls, and the Rebbe answered that there is only one way — one must conduct oneself in accordance with the directives of Torah. That’s it. Conducting oneself in accordance with the directives of Torah is the path to a tranquil soul. This applies especially to Chassidim. But the evil inclination clamours in your head and tries to confuse you, and presents a clever argument that “on the contrary, Chassidus is a very lofty discipline.”

We have to know that this is the seventh generation, and that each one of us has the greatest abilities, and that the Rebbe empowered us, and continues to empower us. And that if someone wants to pour out his heart, he has where to pour his heart out. The Rebbe listens just as he did previously. And when someone comes and pours out his heart and requests a blessing the Rebbe prays on his behalf, and the Rebbe feel his pain. And when the blessing is fulfilled and the individual returns to inform him, the Rebbe is pleased. We have no reason to go who knows where. If you want to speak out your heart you have who to speak to, and you have who to ask for a blessing too. If you are searching for a path in life, this is the path of life that the Rebbe gave us. We must continue to follow with even greater strength. We will walk in the Rebbe’s ways for ever and for eternity; till the coming of Moshiach and certainly afterwards.

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28 Comments

  • ok,

    ok it sounds good.
    however, my spouse has always learned chassidus, often and on a regular basis, and the issues have not moved. Some people have psychological issues and they need to be dealt with so that we can go on with the learning. Thats where its at now.
    If people would heal from direct Chassidus it would be the best, but better to heal and not pass on the dysfunction to others in your family circle. In my parents’ times, they lived Chassidus, so that was altogether different.

    • Citizen Berel

      How to say this subtly…

      NOT EVERYONE IS SICK
      NOT EVERYONE IS SICK
      NOT EVERYONE IS SICK
      NOT EVERYONE IS SICK

      Sick people need to go to doctors.

      But everyone is looking.

      This is about what we are looking for and where we look for it.

  • to ok

    i agree and i feel there is a big lack of sensitivity in this community. they do not own the chassidus they learn because they dont know how to apply it. not everyone can be a Yoel Kahn that is why we need ready availabe balanced mashpiim to help the community
    it can even be a friend
    it can be at a farbregen
    everyone can help another
    some have more struggles than others
    some are in denial
    lets help each other , get real

  • Binyamin Yehuda

    How would Chassidus, let’s say som1 who has serious depression & is not easy 2 get out of bed, & is Bi Polar how would Chassidus help with that acc 2 Reb Yoel ?

    • yanki

      Youre right. Chassidus wont help. Go see a competent therapist. There are many licensed chabad ones out there.

  • To: #1 and #5

    Thank you for writing what you both wrote. I’m writing because it’s comforting to know that there are still chasidim out there that have a thinking head on their shoulders!

  • Dovber

    answer to #8
    the therapist does not need to be Chabad, just highly trained, experienced and licenced

  • Yossi

    One problem here is that the headline of this piece states that R. Kahn said, or implied, that “chassidus is the only path to spiritual fulfillment and happiness.”

    That would be a typically myopic view of the frum world according to Chabad. And it is not what he said. In the article, he is quoted as saying that the “Rebbe answered that there is only one way — one must conduct oneself in accordance with the directives of Torah. That’s it. Conducting oneself in accordance with the directives of Torah is the path to a tranquil soul.”

    And that is a very different story than the one painted by the headline!

    There are “70 facets to Torah,” and more than one derech, and they are all valid. There are many frum Jews whose paths to happiness and spiritual contentment may be through pnimyus haTorah, but perhaps not via Chassidus.

  • Yeshiva Bachur

    Chabad Chassidus is not the only way.
    How many time does the Rebbe advise people how to attain Simcha by studying “Shaar Habitachon, in Chovos Halevavos( Duties of the Heart).
    That Sefer is Mussar, yet the Rebbe in many letters advises the study from this Sefer to help with Simcha and Bitachon.

  • moshe

    I Think the problem is pple do not open up Tanya and really learn it the way it is meant to be learned if they did all phycological problems and spirtual problems are answeared. It even shows and tells a person practical solutions to every problem how to practically live with and deal with hardships and still serve hashem .

  • add to #1

    if someone is chsvh cut, they get treatment to stop the bleeding. Men and women who had dysfunction (which is not a crime, it is an affectation of Golus) have emotional bleeding, and something has to stop it. It “stops”by getting the skills and help one needs. If Chassidus will do it, then thats fine. But whatever gets one on their feet to live a healthy life where they are able to run a functioning healthy home…..not one where people look ok but in their homes, there are issues which are not dealt with, just lived with. There is so much help out there…..whether or not you “hold”by COS, there is still Rabbi Twerski’s books, and many other Torah sources, but we have to love each other and show support. When people come from a home where they dress frum, and presentable, but they come out of a house where there is so much pain and dysfuntion, how can Chassidus be like seeds to the ground? There is no ground when a home does not have the needed ingredients. Dont deny that to people. We’ve survived as yidden till now with more pain from the goyim, in Golus, we don’t need it in our homes, we need help.

  • Beautiful but...

    What with rabbi Shochat’s speech. can we get a transcript of that too please…

  • Ufaratzta

    If there’s no Rebbe there’s no Chassidus. End of story. There hasn’t been a Rebbe for 22 years, now Lubavitch is going down the drain. Sad but true.

  • to Moshe

    so I”m not being sarcastic, but want to say to you that if you know how to access that from Tanya to the point that it can heal people’s pain, then please tell us how to do it

  • moshe

    First of all if someone is mentally ill then they need to be in a facility. However the regular teen or person out their can learn from Tanya. Tanya is even for people that have done something terrible as we see from likkutei amarim. The Alter rebbe explains the approach in his first book Shaar yichud on how to understand our mission in this world and why we have freedom to choose why bad things happen to good pple. In his second book he explains in likkutei amarim about how every person has a love and fear naturally of g-d. how practically we can overcome our yetzer how we can even block negative thoughts and change them over to positive. It is all in ones perspective . Their can be horrible situations out their it is how we deal with the opstacle. The Tanya sichos and obviously everything in torah is emes everything else is either a gray area or treif

  • Ruvein Yitzchak

    Is it possible 2 put up Rabbi Schochet’s speech plz. I would like 2 watch it again & share it with some friends.

  • Yossel

    I do not wish to disparage our Rabbanim, chas v’sholom, but the problem presented here seems very obvious.

    People who participated in the Call of the Shofar program are looking for some GENUINE SPIRITUAL INSPIRATION!

    How sad is it that we are no longer Zocher to see and hear the Rebbe Fabreng with us!! How sad is it that we no are no longer Zocher to receive a dollar and a Brocho, or a Tanya and a smile, from our beloved Rebbe!

    And, to make matters worse, how sad is it that our Rabbanim (may they all be well) FIGHT and DISPARAGE EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC!!!!! With no spiritual leadership, we must now rely on books, and Rabbis who yell at us in a monotone that we are sinning by looking for the inspiration that used to permeate Chabad!!! How sad is it that there is no voice among the sane and moderate among us who can move the Rebbe’s Moshiach campaign forward without the mishugas of the crazies or resistance of those who want to hush-hush the whole Moshiach publicity inyan!

    A Jew’s nature is a seek the spiritual. If it is no longer available within the confines of traditional Lubavitch, these “renegade” movements will pop up and have success in “chapping neshomoles.”

    We are in desperate need of SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP in our community by someone who can inspire us and take away the pain of this horrible galus!

    May we be zocher to witness the Rebbe’s returning to 770, NESHAMA B’GUF, takef u’miya mamosh. I fear nothing less will cure the woes of our spiritual crisis.

  • Shofar Addict

    Shofar Attendee:  Rabbi, I need help

    Rabbi:  Sure, please tell me the problem

    SA:  I’m in the Shofar Cult and need help getting out

    R: Oy vey, hashem yishmor

    SA: Ever since this whole storm began I’ve been feeling so guilty and afraid.  I feel used and taken advantage of, violated. How they fooled me and brainwashed me and I didn’t even realize.  I’m trying to get out of it and cant.  I think I’m so brainwashed that I don’t even see the terrible effects on me.

    R: Yes, this is very typical of victims of cults. Don’t feel bad.  You’ve done the most important step to getting deprogrammed and I’ll help you.

    SA:  Thank you rabbi! I fell safer already

    R:  The first thing you must do is stop going to their “workshops” and…

    SA: Huh?

    R: The retreats – you must make a hachlota that you’ll never go again, or else they’ll keep their hold on you.

    SA: Um, ok. But I don’t go to any more workshops.  It was a one time weekend last year…

    R: Oh – Ok, then.  Next you must cancel all bank accounts that you have given them the number for automatic cash withdrawals and cancel any credit cards they are charging you on.

    SA: What do you mean?

    R: One of the biggest dangers of cults is their ongoing milking of their victims until they have no money left and get into debt and end up selling anything they have to keep feeding their dependency on the Guru.

    SA: But rabbi, I don’t give them any money.

    R: Never?

    SA: Well, not never, last year when I attended the workshop, I paid for the weekend.  It wasn’t cheap, but my wife told me that she usually pays almost the same for her Nshei Shabbatons, so I …

    R: But at those Nshei weekends they get fancy hotels and lots of food.  They don’t starve them and deprive them of sleep by making them lie on the floor in a dark basement.

    SA: Um, we had 5 star accommodations and the food was actually very good, with lots of snacks at every break.

    R: Ok, whatever. But the point is you have to break their hold on you.

    SA: Yes, that’s what I need your guidance on.  So what should I do?

    R: Tell me, do you have to live in their commune?

    SA: What?

    R: Nothing, nothing, um, let’s talk about a different aspect.  I want you to give me all the materials that they’ve given you.  All the literature and ritual readings that you’re required to read everyday. Bring it here and we’ll burn it together. This will help you symbolically break their hold on you.  As you see the books and papers go up in smoke you will feel liberated from their clutches and…

    SA: I don’t have any books.  They don’t give out literature, except for a little pamphlet that they gave us last year at the weekend.  I think I left it there.

    R: Oh…well…you must stop speaking with the Guru.  When he calls you tell him you do not want him to call you anymore and if he calls you again you will report him for harassment. You can even block his numb…

    SA: He never called me.  I don’t think I’ve seen him since last year.

    R:  Ok, that’s not the main point.  The main thing is the damage that results from your neglecting your children, family and work obligations.  Victims of cults get so engrossed in their cult and false beliefs that they end up loosing touch with reality, often destroying their marriages and estranging their children.   So we need to clear your mind from the rituals that they’ve accustomed you to and get you to start being more present and aware of the needs of those around you.

    SA: Ok. That sounds important.  One of the rituals they indoctrinated me with is a deceptively named technique called “Listening”.

    R: Yes, their techniques are very sneaky and usually named in a way to hide their true significance.  So tell me how this technique works and I’ll try to help you out of it.

    SA: Ok, here’s how it goes:  For example, when My wife starts to tell me something she’s concerned about, my job is not to give her solutions right away, or tell her that it’s no big deal, or try to fix the situation for her, but rather …

    R: I know. At that point when she’s vulnerable you tell her she must go to the workshop to get helped, right?

    SA: Well, not really.

    R: So what do you say to her.

    SA: Well, it’s not really what I say, but rather that I try to understand her and let her feel that I understand the challenge she’s going through.

    R: Ok, let’s talk about a different point. 

    SA: Alright Rabbi.  I’m here for you to guide me because I’m not sure how to get out of this cult.  And since I’m in it I don’t realize my sickness, so please help me.  What’s next?  I’ll do anything to get out of it!

    R. Well, in cults, one of the ways the manipulate you is by limiting who you’re allowed to socialize with and talk to. (Don’t worry, no one will know that you’ve come here today, this is strictly confidential).

    SA: But rabbi, the Guru helped me understand that the reason I was upset with people may also be partially my insecurity and not just their fault.  He says that once I understand that wisdom, I will be able to come closer to them again.  He encouraged me to speak with you and try to learn from you.

    R:  It’s a trick. They tell you that, but since you’ve gone to their rituals you don’t really find so much in common with non members anymore, right?  You probably feel like “No one understands me except for my Shofar friends”, right?  It’s ok, it’s very common.  You probably find yourself saying “they just don’t get “it””.  And “if only they would go they would understand too and see the light”. So even though they tell you to stay in touch with others, they make you feel aloof and your relationships end up weakening.

    SA: But Rabbi, I don’t know, maybe they’ve got a hold on my mind – but it feels like my relationships with friends and especially my wife and kids is much deeper since I’ve gone.  My wife seems more at peace and says that I’m more like I was when we first got married.

    R:  I see…

    SA:  But Rabbi, I know that all this is just the trance they’ve got on me.  Please help me get them out of my head!  Please save me.  I don’t want to be in this cult!  I want to be normal again!

    R:  Well, let me think.  You don’t go to their rituals, you don’t send them money, you don’t talk to your guru, you find your relationships with those around you very strong and fulfilling, you don’t  practice any regular rituals or mantras and don’t  read or distribute their literature….  What do you do for this cult?  Why did you come to me? 

    SA:  Because the Rabbis all said I’m in a cult and it’s banned and I must break away from them.  But I don’t know how to get out of it? Please rabbi!  If you cant help me then am I doomed to be a zombie forever??? Please help me!