Op-Ed: The Truth Behind Your Profile Picture
It is not a new idea to us Chabad Chassidim that the Internet and technology can be used for disseminating our deep teachings, bringing our tradition to thousands across the globe, in a tangible way.
At any time, you have the choice to listen to a class by your favorite lecturer in Jewish mysticism, or even to recite Tehilim while you wait for your appointment. You can easily learn where the nearest Minyan is or what time you must kindle the Shabbos candles today. Almost every Jewish text can be accessed in seconds and there is endless literature to read on every topic of interest.
Easy, the internet has come to service us, has it not? And we have the power to utilize it for lofty goals or for lowly pursuits. Everybody agrees to this.
The very same can be said of Whatsapp. Those who like to utilize everything for a holy purpose, send images and videos with Jewish content and inspiration. The mediocre among us send memes and jokes or simply have conversations with family and friends, some close, some far flung and some in the very same room.
But there is one part of this seemingly benign practice which does not sit right with me.
When you set your profile picture, what is your goal? Do not fool yourself and claim that you want all those with whom you share a Whatsapp chat, to know how you look. I can guarantee you that unless you have just moved to a new country and have new contacts whom you have not yet met, or you have recently done plastic surgery which has drastically altered your appearance, your every contact knows how you look, freckles and all.
There is something deeper in your choice of profile picture. When you post a profile picture, whether or not you are aware of this, you are trying to present a certain image of yourself. In simple words, you are trying to make a certain impression. Ask yourself why you chose the current profile picture, over a different one in your gallery? You may not realize that you are trying to affect the viewers’ impression of you. You want them to see you as successful, attractive, and happy. It must be very important to you that your contacts see how beautiful your children are, how well you dress them and care for them. So important is your appearance that you need everyone to see you dressed for your brother’s wedding every time they open a chat with you. For some reason, you need everyone to see that picture of you and your husband on the beach. Or your sleeping blonde four-year-old. Or you holding ice-cream on Ben Yehuda. Or your newborn with a flower on her head that is bigger than her face.
It must be so important that everyone sees these pictures, and that is the motivation behind posting these profile pictures.
But consider this. If it deeply mattered to you, if you were grateful for it, wouldn’t you whisper thank you Hashem each time you gaze lovingly at the photos which encapsulate your favorite memories?
There is a known Rashi that states that the second pair of luchos were not destroyed because they were given in a modest fashion, unlike the first pair which were presented with much fanfare. This is a lesson to us in being private, instead of showing off the most prized parts of our lives, our families, our marriages, our relationships, our selves.
Everyone you know is facing a struggle in some way. Some struggles are known to the public whilst many lurk beneath the surface. Consider your friend who spent the morning at an infertility clinic. What does she feel at the sight of your profile picture which boasts adorable children playing barefoot in the sand? Your former classmate who is still dating, how does he react inside when most of the images he sees on Whatsapp are couples, couples and more couples? What about your jobless neighbor, the widow you know, the man battling depression unbeknownst to you, the Baal Tshuva who feels alone and the mother of the special needs little boy? Your profile picture is a stab in the heart.
Fellow readers, please share. How do you feel about this? Do I stand alone in my belief that profile pictures are a breach to the spirit of tznius? Can anybody relate to the idea that this form of self-promotion is not healthy and insensitive to others?
Is it possible to wear different glasses for a moment and to view our twenty-first century practices objectively? Are we all so blind to the storm that is going on around us? How has this narcissistic behavior become the norm?
Oyyy
Are you serious,live on,don’t spend your day looking at watts app photos come on that’s creepy!
Mixing up the issues!
As I read, I was agreeing with you regarding perhaps the Tznius aspect of it. I certainly don’t want my face to pop up if I were to send a whatsapp to a man! That said my whatsapp is primarily personal and I don’t chat with strange men!!! If I have to converse with a man regarding something I usually use txt not whatsapp! It just seems less personal!
That said the whole theory of people who don’t have children seeing pics of yours, the girl still dating etc. Is a little ridiculous. Perhaps we shouldn’t take our children out because we might meet these people on the street. We should hide our husbands so the girl who’s still dating won’t see him!! Maybe we shouldn’t invite her for a Shabbos meal so it won’t stab her heart!!! How about we should all live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 12 kids, so those who can’t afford a house shouldn’t feel badly?!?
Sorry, you were heading in the right direction…then you mixed up issues!! Having your face and body pop up when u txt and call someone is inappropriate, but what’s wrong with a perfectly innocent picture of your kids??
As far as pics of trips and things one has that others don’t, there is def a new kind of exhibitionism, (more facebook than whatsapp)…but let’s face it, a perfectly placed picture does not tell the whole story! You said so yourself…..”everyone you know is facing a struggle in some way”….so, people want to share the good parts and not the struggles?! They want people to think everything is perfect!? So what! Like you said everyone has struggles! So why do their beautiful pictures bother you so much??
DeClasse' Intellectual
Never fill out profile–can receive information and texts without do that
agree
on point of tznius and not needing profile picture to promote myself.
Authors point about insensitivity is a bit over the top. Maybe i should not walk my kid in street not to hurt others? I dont know.
Over the top
I may be wrong but I feel differently… I don’t think it goes so deep
Insecure
I believe you are insecure and are looking way too deeply into someone’s profile pic…
Cynic
Are you seriously complaining about peoples whatsapp profile pictures right now?
You’re saying someones profile pic makes them a narcissistic individual?
Your article makes you sound like a judgmental, holier than though asinine individual, with nothing better to do than to rant about profile pictures on whatsapp…
important read
thanks for pointing out this “craze” in a sensitive well written manner. hopefully it will spark a new “craze” of being occupied with things that make a positive difference like reaching out to the less fortunate or being there for a loved one etc etc, basically anything that will make this world a bit brighter!
Very well said but missing one very important thing..
Like you rote that everythingeeven what’s app can be used for very holy things..
Same goes with profile picture..i have a rebbe pick on my profile and I got frfeedbacfrom a bunch of people who are not so relges,that when thay chat with me and see the rebbe ipicture n my profile thay get chills and inspired..
I think everyone should do the same..
I absolutely disagree!!
Wow! What a twisted view!! Just because it might hurt people to see us successful we can’t post a picture of ourselves??? Maybe we should stop walking in he street wih our husbands and kids, stop wearing nice clothes etc
Or better yet, stop enjoin all the gifts hash have is because there r ppl who don’t have it!! Ppl who don’t have children, a husband… walk in the street and see YOU and others who have things that they don’t. Yes, it hurts, but hey live with it and deal withat it. That’s life! They know that others have husbands and kids!! It doesn’t protect them to not post profile pictures of ourselves!!
Seriously?
What you wrote could be said about practically everything in life. Unless someone is verbally stating, “I can’t believe your children are so ugly-look at mine”; “I can’t believe how ugly you look-look how beautiful I am”… What do you care what picture they have on their whats app? Are you seriously putting that much thought into a picture? Please stop.
you are mamesh a chasid!
to whoever acquired such a gr8 sence of humor, that gave them the ability to write this article.
u are a radical extremest, maybe yo should walk around naked, as not to offend people that cant afford to by clothing.
cool
My friend
please, my friend, just change your profile
Give space to people to live their lives
you have a point
you speak a lot of truth!
I don't have a profile picture
And I cringe when people show me a whatsapp picture on their phones. If you need a photo, use your driver’s license or passport photo. You don’t have to flaunt and I don’t appreciate having to see you cheek to cheek with your spouse every time you call me.
Dear writer, I agree with you. Thanks for posting.
DG
Off the top of my head, I can think of about 1000 issues in our community that need to be addressed that are more important than this.