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Op-Ed: Preventing Child Abuse at Summer Camp
In the next few days, our children will pack up their clothes, bedding and favorite pillows and head off to summer camp. Most will return home with wonderful memories of new friends and fun filled days. Some will return home with devastating memories that will last a lifetime – memories of being abused.
While no camp is immune from the possibility of abuse, there are five important steps parents can take to prevent their child from becoming a victim.
1. Educate about body parts
Explain that certain parts of their body are very private, and that no one should touch them unless that person has a legitimate reason (e.g., a pediatrician or early child care provider).
Because every child molester asks their victims to keep the abuse between the two of them, teach your child that it’s never okay to keep a secret (unless it has an ‘expiration’ date, such as a surprise party) and that if someone touches them they need to tell you or another adult (many camps forbid cell phones) immediately; and to keep telling until they get help.
Even if someone just makes them feel uncomfortable or creepy when they’re nearby, they need to report it.
Make it clear that no matter what another child or adult may tell them, they should trust you as their parent and you will protect them and they will never get into trouble for reporting.
Lastly, move heaven and earth to make sure that no adult is ever allowed to be alone with your child. The only way abusers can do what they do is by having uninterrupted, private access to a child.
2. Screen the camp
It is important for parents to know that the camp has policies and procedures in place to minimize the risk of abuse. Parents should ask the following questions:
Are criminal background checks (including the offender registry) performed on all personnel? How many references does the camp require, and how does the camp check them?
What training do staff members receive about child abuse?
How are campers made aware of what to do if they feel unsafe?
Under what circumstances are staff members allowed to be alone with a camper? (The answer needs to be: NONE!)
How does the camp monitor behavior of older campers with their younger peers?
Are at least two adult counselors assigned to sleep in each cabin?
Who is responsible for enforcing camp rules and regulations?
3. Recognize potential abusers
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reported in 2005 that 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 4 girls are intimately abused before the age of 18. The vast majority of abusers (90%) are male, and 71% of the time, the abuser knows the victim.
Whenever someone seems to be overly interested in your child, beware. Camps routinely forbid their counselors to babysit or spend time with campers outside camp precisely because a counselor who has had the opportunity to develop a close relationship with your child is in a position to have an undue amount of influence. Predators tend to be masters at “grooming” their victims by insinuating themselves into their victim’s life and becoming someone the child likes and trusts.
What many parents don’t realize is that almost a third of abused children are victimized by an older child. That’s why it’s important to know what the camp’s policies are regarding how much contact is permitted between different age groups and how well supervised the groups are.
4. Know the warning signs of abuse
Warning signs of abuse in younger children:
Trouble walking or sitting
Precocious awareness of explicit topics
Seductive behavior
Unprecedented shyness about getting undressed
Avoiding a specific individual for no apparent reason
Sleep disturbances
Bedwetting or soiling
Expressing concern about genitalia
Warning signs of abuse in older children:
Unusual interest in or avoidance of explicit topics
Depression or suicidal thoughts
Self-isolation/emotional aloofness
Hostility or aggressive behavior
Secretiveness
Seductive behavior
Sleep disturbances
Substance abuse
Reluctance to go back to camp
5. Know what to do if you suspect abuse
Support your child: Research shows that the single most important factor in a child’s doing well after being abused is the steady emotional support of their parents. First and foremost, keep your true feelings hidden and remain calm and collected. It’s the most courageous and kindest thing you can do for your child.
Explain that abuse is never, ever their fault. Many times victims of child abuse will wait years or decades before revealing what happened, and even then it’s usually only to their therapist. When asked why they never reported the abuse as a child, patients admit that sometimes the experience was pleasurable and they always believed this meant the abuse was partially their own fault. That’s why it’s critically important to explain to a child that the abuse is never, ever their fault, not even a little tiny bit, no matter what.
Make sure they know you believe them. Some children never report abuse because they fear they won’t be believed, especially when the abuser is known and trusted by the family. Tell your child you believe them; children rarely lie about having been abused. Acting as though you might doubt your child will only compound the psychological damage sustained from having been abused.
Praise them for sharing. After your child has finished telling you what happened, praise them for confiding in you and let them know you realize it couldn’t have been easy. Then immediately notify the local authorities.
6. Minimizing the chances of abuse
Child molesters are adept at manipulating their victims into believing that the abuse is the child’s fault, that they won’t be believed if it’s reported, and that they or someone they love will get hurt if abuse gets reported. By letting your child know their private parts are off limits to others and that they will never get in trouble for reporting, that it’s never OK for someone to ask them to keep a “forever” secret, and by not allowing any adult to be alone with your child, you’re making your child far less vulnerable to predators who know how to exploit the naiveté of children.
so sad
G-d help us
This is what I tellm y kids
This is what I tell my kids..
1. Educate about body parts
“Mendel this area here and here (I point to the areas) are private. this means that no one is allowed to touch them, No one. Only some times will a Dr. want to see them and you can only let him do that when Mommy or Tatty is present.
If anyone ever tries to touch them you tell them ”NO“ and push them away from you. Then tell Mommy and Tatty right away what happened.”
2. What I asked my kids former camp.
Do you tell your staff verbally that Molesting children is not tolerated?
His answer was a mixture of that it is not needed and that due to the Chasidishkeit issue we dont really talk about it.
As I said this is a “former Camp”
Thank you CHI for posting.
about time
extremely must-know information for every parent to know,finally someone has stood up to adress the situation kol hakovod
Lulu Lemon
Excellent article- very well written. Thank you!
Thank you Gan yisroel Detroit
I am happy that my child will be attending Gan yisroel Detroit. They have very strict policies and train their staff well in regards to sexual and other abuses.
additional warNing signs:
be alert and find out if anything is going on if your child likes to act out intimate situations, on whatever level, or touches other children or dolls in intimate ways, and/or under covers (blankets, sheets, jungle gym areas, secluded spaces…)
Concerned parent
hopefully Penn State, will be sued (for a lot of money) for hiding a molester, The camps will get the picture, make sure it doesn’t happen or you wont be around next year because you will be sued for everything you have.
Professional
Most abuse occurs within the daled amos of the household, and many times physical abuse or emotional abuse comes from parents! The camp issue is definitely an issue but as a professional we must ask ourselves, what is going on here. how am I being abusive to my own child. Stop blaming camp for all of your kids issues and start working on yourself!
very urgent
I think each camp director needs to talk to all its staff including the learning director and head staff before camp, and tell them if you are caught… your out of camp and the reason will be maid public to the rest of the staff.
ost
need a mashgiach to check. talk to the children and notice if anything is amiss.
Perplexed
Great article.I’m just wondering why it has to be written by anonymous? You are one hundred percent right in every word you wrote so stand up and be proud for penning this article. Its about time that we stop protecting the abusers and start protecting the victims. Therefore, why must the writer be anonymous? As if writing this will get him/her in trouble with the molester protecting crowd?
levi R
teach your kids about tznius and how essential it is and it wont be an issue. (of course if you walk around the house in your under clothing, you’ll have a hard time…).
counselor
i just hope the trouble makes in camp dont use this to threaten their counselors
Ugh!
Terrible that they have to warn this! It’s so sad what goes on in his world! Even camps, who have been trained, can’t be trusted!
To #8
Most abuse starts at home? Your comment makes me wonder this almost ‘defensive” mode makes me suspicious of ‘professionals’ that hide the abuse that goes on in our schools and gets swept on the carpet. Please it’s 2012, let’s face the facts boys get abused in yeshivas right and left those days of protecting an abusive teacher are over. Don’t blame us, the parents!
Cant take idiots
to number 12
what does how a person walks around their house have to do with a predator attacking children? teach your kids about tznius and there wont be an issue? So I guess what your saying is 1) that the way to make sure you dont get molested is to make sure you are tznius? 2) That the ones who were molested in the past had it coming to them because they were not tznius and that somehow caught the eye of the molester. So its the victims fault that they got molested?
careful
Nothing, no one, can protect your children. As sad as it is to hear, you can say all the right things, educated your child in all the right ways, have them dress “correctly” (@#12), and know exactly what they SHOULD do in event of the unthinkable but let me assure you all, unfortunately, the effect the abuse has on the child paralyzes them. No matter what you say or do, your child cant prevent this from happening to them and worse once it has they WILL be terrified to tell you. I know, unfortunately, b/c my child was abused. All you can do is be HYPER aware…crazy careful and yes in some ways view everyone around your children as a potential threat until they have PROVEN to be otherwise… aren’t your children worth appearing a bit neurotic for if it protects them from something that can NEVER be undone???
stop the insanity!
All you idioTS ARE IN DENIAL! Abuse can happen anywhere. at home, in school in the park on the street. There’s only one way to stop this, Make your children aware of what is right and wrong, teach them to stand up for themselves and make sure the predator get’s put away!!!!!!!!!!! Stop arguing if it does happen or not. of course it does, every where but we need to make our children aware and show them we weill not be afraid and will put the predators away!!!!!!!!!
why anonymous?
I would guess such a article written “anonymous” would mean the author has no business writhing or some other hidden agenda : )
Seeing the hypocrisy....
To the denying group….You are so upside down in your views about what abuse is or is not, that you can not even see it when it’s right in front of you! And sometimes the very ones who deny are the very ones who ARE the abusers, so sick they do not even recognize their totally inappropriate behavior. It’s time to stop you in your tracks. At camp. At home. At Yeshiva. On the sidewalk. Be warned. Get some help. Be honest with your soul. You are sick. Show me where in the Talmud, Torah, or other writings where it says it’s o.k. to perform these acts of harm to others. STOP!