Op-Ed: The Blessing of a Child
Fulfilling the dream of having a child is something not all of us are fortunate enough to experience. Not many people give much thought to the subject of infertility. To most people it comes natural but that is not always the case.
The process that couples have to go through to find the cause is very stressful and can put a strain on the relationship. i know this because I am among those couples. I went through all the tests and they are not pleasant. The doctor told me that losing weight may help me conceive. We all know that losing weight is no easy task on its own, let alone if you are doing it to be able to have a child. At the end, the doctor suggested that IVF may be the best way to go. I knew IVF was costly and we didn’t have the money for it. Yes, there are many frum organizations that help couples with this kind of stuff but I had a bad experience with one so I decided I would find another way.
Yom Tov was difficult as well. The house was filled with kids running around and was a reminder that none of these children were mine. Friends and family would make comments not thinking how much their comments hurt us. For years, I watched how my friends had kids one after another. I saw couples who got married after we did and had children. I felt like an outcast. The conversation among my friends were always about their kids. I would sit there uncomfortable and would look for the closest exit.
If there was a segulah for children, we’ve tried it. I think we were kvatar for most of the boys in our community. I would get stares from people every time. I could see how they pitied us for not having children and it wasn’t a good feeling. It got to the point where we had to make an excuse as to why we could not attend.
I began to wonder why would God pick us to go thru this? What did we do to deserve this? Why were we not among the lucky to be able to have kids naturally? I began to lose faith. Was there even a God? Surely, if there was a God, he could not be so cruel. I came to the realization that I would never have a kid. So I put all my effort into my job and doing what I enjoy. I was loving life but there was always something missing. I wasn’t completely happy.
When you least expect it, is always when God steps in. Having a child was the last thing on my mind. I think God wanted to show me that HE runs the world and to restore my faith. Well, He did just that. Today, after 10+ years of marriage, I am the proud mom of a beautiful baby boy.
With Rosh Hashana approaching, I began reflecting on this past year and how my life has totally changed. My once quiet house is now filled with my baby’s cooing and on occasion his cries. I feel so blessed. This will be the first year that we will not have to pray for a child. Yes, I could pray for a better job or more money but that would be selfish. Instead, this year I am going to be selfless. I am going to pray for all those couples that are having a hard time conceiving. I can only hope that my prayers are answered and that they are blessed with a healthy child.
If you are among these couples, “Don’t Stop Believing”. Miracles do happen! I can vouch for that. If you are among the couples lucky enough to be blessed with children, I hope that next time you come in contact with one of these couples that instead of envying what they have, that you say “Thank You” for blessing me with my wonderful children. We feel blessed every time we see our son smile. As a parent, there is no greater gift.
~A New Mom~
shana tova
tapuach is bgmatria pru rvu and dvash – isha, bezh all those that need blessings for children should have their prayers answered.
hoax
the segula of being kvaterin for a bris has NO source! and its just an embarrassment for the childless couple
Torah, Chuppah, and Maasim Tovim
Took us almost 8 years to have our first. We lived through all you mention. I even started refusing kvatter offers. Saddest thing for me was when friends came over and the kids didn’t have any toys to play with, because we had no kids’ toys. Eventually, went out and bought some balls.
I never thought I could smile so big until our son was born. B”H, we went back to the doctor a few years later only to find out we didn’t need her this time!
May we raise our children (may they be more numerous) to Torah, Chuppah, and Maasim Tovim!
David
Beautiful article – can totally relate. We waited five years. enjoy your new bundle of joy!
Thanking the writer
Thank You for your prayers!
Question
very encouraging articale. During those years did you take upon yourself anything such as saying extra Tehillim or anything like that?
abcdef
thank you .i gave up after 5 yrs .its nice to know someone is still praying for us.
single
i wish you only happiness and in your zchus may Hashem bless all the couples waiting for that bracha this year.
im not married but as an older single can relate to some of the scenario you illustrated.. brochos from ppl younger than you, comments and pity stares…
Mazal Tov!
I’m so happy for you! May you be zoche o raise your little bundle of joy o Torah, chuppah and Mai’iasim Tovim. Baruch HaShem you were able to bring a neshamah into this world, to bring joy and love into your home, and Klal Yisoel. What a beautiful way to start the year. I thank G-d that I did not have any difficuly coneiving and giving birth. So I regularly donate to Bonei Olam, A T.I.M.E., and other such organizations.
I encourage everyone who was touched by his article to put your money where your heart is, and help parenthood become a reality for another yearning couple.
Yaffa from South Africa
Thank you for this. We also were not one of the fortunate ones who were able to conceive straight away and we had our first child after nearly 4 years of marriage. We were told by doctors that we had less than a 5% chance of having children even with assistance. Yet we went through treatments which failed. Boruch Hashem we had many brochos from the Rebbe and today we have been blessed with three healthy children two of whom were given names by the Rebbe. To all those out there, please don’t give up hope of having children. Miracles do happen and the Rebbe’s brochos do come true. I guess that Hashem has a plan for all of us that are still wainting for our bundles of joy and we just need to know never to lose our faith in Hashem. Ksiva V’chasima Tova and may this new year bring with it many more neshomos especially to those that have waited so long
Chaim Tovim
I went through IVF for my daughter. So worth it, even though I divorced my ex and my daughter lives with her on the other side of the world.
I strongly suggest to everyone to donate to A T.I.M.E. and Bonei Olam.
Good luck on your journey