In a column in the Jewish Daily Forward called Bintel Blog, where Lisa Loeb answers letters from readers she received the following letter:

Dear Lisa,

My daughter, a beautiful, brilliant college graduate with a law degree and a good job is about to become engaged to a Chabadnik (who, by the way, has no job except for being what I call a lay “Jew for Moses” with Chabad).

It’s obvious that if she marries this parasite, she will become a second-class citizen and a baby factory, and I’ll never have any contact with my grandchildren, because, while we are proud Jews, we aren’t kosher and obviously don’t keep all the Shabbat commandments. (Don’t tell me I’m wrong. I’ve had other friends whose kids have drunk the Orthodox Kool Aid — this is what happens.)

Continued in the Extended Article.

“My Daughter is Marrying a Chabadnik Parasite”

In a column in the Jewish Daily Forward called Bintel Blog, where Lisa Loeb answers letters from readers she received the following letter:

Dear Lisa,

My daughter, a beautiful, brilliant college graduate with a law degree and a good job is about to become engaged to a Chabadnik (who, by the way, has no job except for being what I call a lay “Jew for Moses” with Chabad).

It’s obvious that if she marries this parasite, she will become a second-class citizen and a baby factory, and I’ll never have any contact with my grandchildren, because, while we are proud Jews, we aren’t kosher and obviously don’t keep all the Shabbat commandments. (Don’t tell me I’m wrong. I’ve had other friends whose kids have drunk the Orthodox Kool Aid — this is what happens.)

Continued in the Extended Article.

How do I let her know my feelings? And don’t tell me to keep quiet! Frankly, I’d rather she married a gentile than a borderline Hasidic Jew.

FATHER KNOWS BEST

Lisa Loeb replies:

Wow. I don’t mean to disrespect you as a parent, but as a person, I’d suggest you change your tone. It’ll be tough for your daughter to listen to you at all with that attitude. It’s hard for me to even give advice to you, since it seems like you won’t be satisfied unless you break up this pair.

It sounds like you’re mostly concerned about the fact that he doesn’t have a job. I’d stick to that as the issue, instead of bringing his religious practice into the mix. You raised your daughter, right? You sound pretty committed to your own values, and you probably instilled them in her the best you could. That being said, she probably used the tools you gave her growing up to choose the man she wants to marry.

I agree that it might make things easier if she marries someone who has a profession. But is your daughter still going to practice law? Maybe she can help out with the finances. Good luck to you.

52 Comments

  • crownheightser

    very interesting! the lady has a good point and i don’t blame her for being worried or upset. but it was handled correctly by Lisa! very good!

  • CR

    “How do I let her know my feelings? And don’t tell me to keep quiet!”

    Well, there’s the nugget in this pile. She asks for advice but doesn’t want to hear it when it comes. That her daughter is clearly intelligent and “has it together” is irrelevant (believe me, no “flake” could make it through law school and be a success). Her choices for happiness and satisfaction in life are of no consequence if they violate mother’s blueprints.

    Lisa L. is too kind here. Mom is a control freak and is lashing out in a temper tantrum. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it is the daughter’s intention to make sure Bubbe “never ha[s] any contact with my grandchildren” given that attitude.

  • Baruch T

    Wow! i guess it’s pretty obvious why her daughter was looking for a different environment!

  • Someone who sees the outside picture

    Wow,
    This mom has some animosity towards her daughter. I have many friends who have grown up secular, and have chosen to lead observant lifestyles later on. They do not lead the life she describes at all. In fact with some minor changes, (Paper plates and takeout) the kids can even eat in grandma, and grandpas house.
    The only thing I can say here, is that it seems to me like ignorance is a bigger part of the problem, than anything else. Does she try to look for solutions, or has she sealed her daughters fate in her head, and now is ready to become a pitypot for other non observant self hating jews to join in and sing her mantra with? I think she needs serious educating on her side, of what type of lifestyle her daughter wants to live. Does she communicate with her daughter? She sounds professional enough, and intelligent enough to know that communication of such issues are the keys to resolving them. Does she want to really work with the situation, or does she only want to complain. I say Good Luck to the daughter, and May Hashem guide her in the right path with a very beautiful and warm Chassidishe home.
    PS. Sometimes the most anti religious jews end up becoming very observant once they realize the truth in what religion is all about. Good luck mom! I am rooting for you to do right by your daughter!

  • Been there

    Lost Soul

    I think this is just a classic case of the lost soul. She is being confronted and there is a very bright shining and it takes time to adjust to light.

    Iy”h she will see the light.

    Everyone will live happily ever after.

  • the right way to say it

    I can’t believe the comments on here! Are you all Lubavitchers? You guys are sitting there bad-mouthing this mother- that’s not the way we are taught to deal with such situations. I am a Shlucha. I completely understand the mother’s worry. The issue with making money will only die down when she sees the beauty in Chabad and Yiddishkeit. Only YOU can give that to her. If you act with respect and she sees her daughter is in good hands, this issue won’t bother her as much. She will understand that her daughter is becoming rich spiritually and eventually she will be proud of it.

    Dear Mom,
    About your worry that you will never have any contact with your grandchildren, I’m pretty sure the reason this happened to your friends was because their children were not married to Chabad. Many ultra orthodox Jews do not try to keep up with non-religious relatives. In Chabad on the other hand, we accept every Jew for who they are and you will most definitely be invited and welcome to their home. Although there will be small things they will request from you (for example using plastic paper goods in your house etc.), I’m sure you will get along very well and you will see they are not as close minded as you think.

    And to all of you Lubavitchers- think again before you write anything on here! It is sometimes shocking to see how people react so strongly and wrongly.

    Moshiach now!

  • Sara

    Lisa answers SO beautifully!!
    It seems this mom has NO appreciation for her Jewish heritage AT ALL if she’d rather her daughter marry a gentile!
    I hear her fear of the unknown, but becoming religious will NOT deprive her of her grandchildren (and if the daughter remained secular, there might not BE grandchildren!)

  • concerned shliach

    You are all missing out the disturbing underlying issue here.
    How can the Forward publish such a question. Yes, it may have been submitted, but the publishing of it leaves the not-too-familiar-with-Chabad-individual with the impression that indeed one who associates with Chabad may in fact be a parasite!
    The Forward is no fan of Lubavitch and uses every opportunity to besmirch Chabad’s good name (Wolpe, Lazar, Lithuania etc)
    Psychologically it is not the repsonse that triggers these emotions – the mere question creates a hard to reverse impression.
    This is just a sleazier form of the Haddasah magazine publishing “Is Chabad Jewish.”
    The Forward cannot get away with this. Maybe Eliezriu can submit a piece to them.

  • Shoshana

    Coming from the same background I can see both sides: one set of parents accepted us and the other… We treated both sets the same way and took paper goods and treats to both houses so that “Grandma & Grandpa”could give them to the kids, but had to monitor the 2nd lot carefully – without showing it – as we did not feel that we could trust them not to give something we did not approve of just for the fun of it!! Its not easy.

    The mother should be told that Smicha is the equivalant of a BA/MA college degree and that the “parisite” studied very hard for some 7-8 years to get there [yeshiva etc.] Also that when they are both ready and it is right for them he will not have trouble finding work as and when he wants.

    Perhaps she would have preferred a stoned out hippy on the Eastern trai and an immoral life style?

  • Noticed on the original site...

    PS, it is the father writing. Just throwing it out there :)

  • To Mrs Shlucha

    with all due respect be carefull how much you pander and be the apologist to those who call lubavitchers parasites and express themselves with obvious prejudice amd disrespect. Misplaced concern with the opinions of others can be a very slippery slope. Certain lines must always be drawn, of course in the proper way. Hatzlocha.

  • Look a little deeper

    I can guarantee that this woman was once offended by a religious Jew. The lesson is two-fold a. be careful not to give off a bad impression when other Jew’s may feel offended and b. just show her a little love and respect and all her animosity will be erased.

  • Crown Heightser

    To the right way to say it
    Its unbelievable to see what you wrote.
    I read every comment posted before your comment, and I don’t see anything that you claim to see in your comment.
    The only thing I can say to you, is to read the comments (and if you can’t comprehend the comments you are reading ask someone to explain it to you) before you preach to everyone about how to do say things to others.
    You claim to be a shlucha. Do you pre-judge everyone before you hear what they have to say, because its clearly what you did in this case, because I didn’t see anything either before or after your comment that reflects your comments. In fact I think most of the comments were not bad mouthing at all.

  • cheo

    I agree and respect the opinion of “the right way to say it” comment above.
    Alot of the wonderful BT families have had this issue and almost all of them that I’ve heard of, have evened out their differences and have ended up with mutual respect.
    This mother is a very heavy hitter though. How could she be so down on her own daughter’s choices?

  • chabad bt

    i learned the hard way, that warm, wonderful not-frum grandparents are the worst thing thing for a child’s chinuch. what do you think happens when the kids get all the mushy-gushy unconditional love from bubby betty and zaidy charles, and then get unconditional gevurah in school?

  • AF

    “Proud Jews”?.. What are such Jews proud for? Our Torah/mitzvos are what makes us Jews. What else is there that distinguishes us as a nation? High IQ?

  • YEHUDA H.

    TOo Bad, love is blind and hate is too, they will have a happy life im mom keeps out. and if food is a problem chabad and I will always help. mazal tov.

  • shmuel Y

    No job, where does she get that from? Parasite? what!!! She is lucky to have a man like us. Take for one, saying that her daughter will be second class, nothing is further from the truth. We all know that no real Yellow Flagged Chabadnik works, and why??? Well the reason is we want to be like the woman, we feel that it is not right to make the woman second class so we will not work since they should not work.

    Parasite, how do you get that, we want our children to get free schooling, we get the government to subsidies everything, we are not parasites, we are employees of the government. and we vote. well when there are elections for vaad hachol, so in response to this mother.

    We do respect woman, even more then others.
    We are not parasites, we get government assistance.
    And she should thank her lucky stars that her daughter is going to marry a man that showers before mikva, that will not brush his beard cause a hair might fall out and forget shampoo or clean clothing, they are for the goyim, speaking of which. what kind of parent would be happy with a 250k a year son-in-law who spends weekends with the family and is always at dinner with the children???

  • Hanging in there

    B“H
    I married someone who had ”drunk the kool aid,“ as, apparently, had I!

    While my extended family was not exactly so involved with my life before, they used my becoming ba’al teshuvah to completely sever the ties, especially after my remaining parent (who was really coming around!) passed over.

    Believe me, it hurts. They are so sure they know what I’m involved with, and are so filled with misunderstanding about my life, beliefs, and motivations!

    And, with them not sharing our Torah values such as ”Dan l’kaf zechus,“ and ”Say no to Loshon Hora,“ etc., I have been tossed to the trash heap section of our family.

    It’s a pity — their loss, too.

    It’s so ironic: I found out through the grapevine, that the big ”ringleader“ of the family, with whom virtually all of the others march, puts on Tefillin with a bochur on shlichus, who visits his Manhattan office every week! Somehow, this bochur is ”legit”, and I’m not!

    The only good thing I can say about it is that there has never really been any ugly confrontation that alienated us, so I suppose there is always some hope.

    May this couple build a binyan ah day ahd together.

  • CLEARLY NOT CONNECTED

    READ CAREFULLY!!!
    WHO SAYS IT`S THE MOTHER? IT MIGHT BE THE FATHER.

  • make up your mind

    on the one hand, she’s worried about having contact with her grandchildren, and on the other, she’s worried about her daughter being a baby factory.

  • Viewer

    This parent is obviously quite concerned about his daughter and is struggling to come to terms with the lifestyle she is choosing. While Lisa is of the opinion that he is most worried about the fact that his future son-in-law doesn’t have a job, I’m not so sure of it. If this same young man were, say, a musician or some other artist without a job – would the parent be quite as adamant?

    It is obvious to me that the parent has some preconceived notions (perhaps from experience) about being a religious Jew that should be clarified. Especially in Chabad, the daughter will certainly not be a “second class citizen” – Chabad women are more respected than the average American woman. They are usually the ones who lay down the law in the home – far from being the meek, helpless, housewife. Check Chabad teachings – you’ll see the tremendous respect that women have. They are entrusted with the most important task of creating a beautiful and warm home, giving their chilren a high standard of education, and they are indubitably trusted with the kashrut of the home (which religious people take quite seriously), among other things. The average Chabad House has more programs made especially for women than for men.

    This parent is also concerned about having contact with his grandchildren. Again, especially in Chabad, there is a decidedly open attitude towards all Jews and all people. His daughter and future son-in-law are most likely to be open, respectful, and understanding of the parent’s current religious stance. The only intolerance, it sounds like from the letter, is of the parent not allowing his children and grandchildren to practice what they believe to be good and true.

    I would say the best route is for the parent to be forthcoming with his concerns. Instead of approaching this from a fearful and defensive perspective, it would do him well to openly, honestly, and GENTLY share with is daughter the things that worry him. He should talk to her about his concern of not being able to see his grandchildren, along with his concern about her being financially stable. There are plenty of Chabad people who are far from being poor. Besides, who says sacrificing a little physical comfort isn’t worthwhile in order to achieve spiritual, emotional, and mental wellbeing?

    Most of all, as a self-proclaimed proud Jew, this father can be proud of the upbringing he gave his daughter, which led to her pursuing the beliefs he instilled in her and going with them all the way.

  • cl

    Yasher Koach Shlucha! You’re comments are written perfectly – both to the other commenters and to the mother.
    Your attitude is exactly the attitude I was always certain every one of us Lubavitchers have; I was quite shocked at the way some people were knocking the mother.
    I fully understand this mother – she’s been raised to view religious Jews in a certain, not-very-positive way, and here’s her bright, lawyer daughter giving it all up for something so ‘backward’ and terrible to her. She’s pained and angry and especially at the moment, only feels animosity towards religious Jews, so yes, of course at the moment a gentile seems better! But yes, with time, -and it may be a difficult struggle in the beginning-, she will begin to respect her daughter – if her daughter is able to take the positive steps to include her in her life, and respect her son-in-law for who he is and what he believes in and she’ll see, as countless parents of Baalei Teshuvah have seen, that she will have the most Nachas specifically from this daughter’s children; she’ll see what a meaningful, beautiful, rich life her daughter has chosen to lead and how good it is to have so many aineklach to have Nachas from.

  • disgusted

    Well said, Shlucha!!

    To the rest of you…you call yourselves Chassidim of the Rebbe??

    You make me so ashamed.

  • yossi

    THE SHLUCHA IS 100% RIGHT you cant just put people down all the time.think.try to understand other people.

  • phisgologist

    WHY ARENT SLUCHOS WORKING WITH THIS MOM?
    THIS IS A CRAZY SITUATION-WE SHOULD DAVEN 4 MOSHIACH;WHEN MOSHIACH COMES THERE WILL BE NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN,MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.
    AD MOSAI!!!!
    DEAR DAUGHTER,
    YOU ARE RIGHT AND I AM SOOOO PROUD OF YOU.ALL LUBAVITCHERS AE VOUCHING 4 YOU.
    DEAR MOM,
    MAYBE YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN WITH A CUP OF TEA AND CLEAR YOUR MIND?I THINK YOU ARE STRESSED OUT(WHITCH IS COMMONIN THIS CASE)AND SHOULD HAVE TIME 2 THINK ABOUT CALMLY-MAYBE YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN AND TALK 2 YOURE DAUGHTER AND SEE WHY SHE IS ACTING THIS WAY.YOU SHOULDNT ARGUE,YOU SHOULD HAVE A DISCUSSION.
    WITH THE HELP OF HEAVEN,EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT RIGHT.

  • GONE ASAP

    When I first read the article I was sure it was a joke.

    What’s really a joke is the crazy people who actually agree with the Meshugganeh Mom.

    Get me out of here!!

  • ttyi

    No Unwitting Sins

    In time to come the Evil Inclination will cease to exist; as it is written, “I shall remove the spirit of impurity from the earth.” Indeed, so manifest will the glory of G-d then be throughout the entire world, that a mere fig will cry out in protest if it is about to be picked on Shabbos. It is thus clear that it will be impossible to sin in such circumstances, even unwittingly – just as a small child never puts his hand into the fire, nor does an animal jump into a fire.

  • interesting

    It sounds like there is more to this story. If her daughter does’nt allow her to see the grandchildren its for other reasons and she knows it. She just wants to blame it on becoming Ultra orthodox. “Chabad”.

  • Confused

    to the shlucha…
    your quick to write yourself. this is a community blog, and people are venting. what was written about the mother is true. it doesn’t have to be ignored. What you have here is a reaction from the mothers actions.
    Listen to yourself..your giving mussor to your fellow community members for – in a matter of speaking – giving mussor to the mother. its like slapping a kid and telling him slapping isnt nice.

  • Resident

    This is all the fault of Reform Rabbis. They are the ones who preach this type of hate into the mother’s head of BT’s.

    A few months ago, their leader, Yoffie, attacked us….we were silent because of “Love all Jews” If we stay silent and dont at the very least have a rabbi responded to Yoffie’s criticisms we might as well let jerks like this spread the hate.

    Please Chabad Shluchim respect yourselves and respect the BT’s you mekareved by putting Reform leadership in its place

  • Think first, ask questions later

    To all reader and commenters. It’s NOT the mother complaining here, it’s the father if you all may have noticed the letter is signed “FATHER KNOWS BEST” so please don’t think/say the mother doesn’t approve.

  • mixed feelings

    I really do not think anyone needs to call this mother “meshuggeh”just because someone doesn’t understand her view and feelings(more like a panic attack). – I agree this mother is hateful just from the language and tone.However, you need to see more of the picture. I happen to be a modern orthodox person who happened to go to Chabad shuls and also modern types. In all honesty, there is definitely something I feel more in a Chabad shul.We happen to be professionals as well. ok.My daughter became a Bas Chabad but I do want her to go to colllege Gd willing and it is very much frowned upon as you well know.
    I happen to like both worlds. In all honesty, I would not want her to be with a Kollel boy bec I would prefer someone who may have smicha but also a solid profession of some sort.So while I admire shluchus work, no I would not want it for my children.I am just of a different mindset but I don’t think it makes me hateful. I just want something else for my children.I am shomer shabbos but no i am not anything like my daughter who is super tznius and studies siccos etc. I am not Chas V’sholom hateful like this mother but I truly understand her concerns.Does this make me “anti Chabad” or awful?

  • Oh Yeah

    No doubt it’s the mother. The father either divorced this lady or mercifully died early.

  • surprised

    I want to know why shmuel Y is writing just as hateful a note as the mother-the mother is obviously very conflicted and full of steretypes but what is wrong with shmuel? your bitterness and generalizations come from where?

  • Chanie

    i take the liberty to assume that the abovementioned parent considers himself to be an open-minded individual.

    why then is he so distraught about his intelligent daughter making her own life choices; doesn’t she have the inherent right? Is it simply that when her choices are different than his own choices that she loses this right? Then he never gave her the right to make her own choices at all.

    but of course, that point is lost on him now. In 20 years or less, he will have a very different mindset.

    i know because my mother’s parents were devastated about 30 years ago when my mother, their only child, chose Yiddishkeit. Now they boast about their ka“h 10+ grandchildren and have told me ”i see what kids your age do around here where i live… you’re guys are doin’ alright.”

  • chanie

    Dear Hanging in There:
    you said it yourself-there is hope!
    you must feel so alone with, and yet without, a family. invite Ringleader over for shabbos dinner. make something good! may i suggest Classic Chicken Soup. it may just warm his soul.

  • Understanding in training

    Assuming it is the father talking, there’s a couple of things happening:

    1) In general men (much more then women), define themselves by their job, and hence automatically define others in the same way.
    Ask a woman who she is, and she’ll probably reply ‘Im so & so, the daughter of….’, or, ‘Im Mrs…the wife of….’ – as opposed to a man, when asked who he is, very often he’ll reply ‘Im a Dr’, or, ‘I’m an engineer’, or ‘I’m a the guy who owns that store….’

    2) More specifically, besides just men saying that about themselves, in the the secular world at large, the average person is looked up to, or down upon based on their job. Whilst this is not always true, it is definately popular belief in the secular world, that you are what your job is.

    Taking this into consideration, the father therefore, obviously feels very threatened by the fact that his son-in-law doesn’t have a job. Even more so, he’s understandably very afraid of his daughter being a part of a world that doesn’t think like he does, a world that really believes that a job and a person are two totally seperate things. It’s a foreign concept to him. In his world someone ‘without a job’, is very definately not someone he wants his college graduate daughter marrying.

    However his daughter now thinks past a person’s job. She thinks deeper then that, now she thinks about the person himself.

    She’s learnt about a world where the job we have is not the ultimate of who we are.

    A world where learning is not a means to an end.

    A world in which teachers are considered founders.

    Physicologically he can’t accept this, not yet anyway, not now, when it’s happening to him. It’s the anti-thesis of everything his current world represents. By taking that away, you’re taking away his daughter (and all future children), and you’re essentially shaking his world.
    The ‘second class citizen’, and ‘baby factory’ claims, are reactions to very deep feelings & emotions. To put it simply, he’s terrified.
    It’s very obvious to him, that we have a different way of thinking then he does, and he just doesn’t know what to expect.
    It’s very possible he thinks, that maybe if a jobs are not ‘so’ important to these people, then whose to say their wives are important to them?

    He’s not in a position right now to see the bigger picture, he’s too involved, he’s too worried, he’s too full of love. He’s being a good father.
    Besides that, he’s also had bad experiences. Right now he doesn’t want to hear reasons why, he doesn’t want to hear excuses, he doesn’t want justification. He just wants to know that his daughter will be safe, and is going to be well taken care of. In his mind’s eye, maybe a gentile will do that better then a Chassidic Jew. Somewhere deep down though, he doesn’t really think that. He’s a good Jew, he knows his rights from wrongs. He’s just using it as an excuse.

    The Chassidic Jew, he’s not so sure about, he thinks on a different wavelength then him, he lives a completely different life then him, his ultimate goal is miles away from anything he knows. Whereas with the gentile, his thinking is pretty much the same, his life pretty much lead in the same way, and his goal….not so far from his own.

    So on a one level he figures why not? Im probably on safer ground with the gentile….familiar territory in way…..But he knows that’s not true, he says it himself, he gives himself away, when he says, ‘I’m a proud Jew’. He’s pleading to be recognized as a part of the Jewish people, and he doesn’t want to give that up just because of a temporary confusion.
    At the same time though, he has to do something to combat this strange way of thinking. He needs to protect himself, his daughter, and all future offsprings. So, he says that to make himself feel better, by saying the worst thing possible – that his daughter should marry a gentile – he’s got his conscience covered.

    Surely, with time, patience, understanding and of course, un-conditional love, he’ll see that his preconceptions, are in fact misconceptions.
    He’ll see the depth in our way of thinking, he’ll see the beauty of our every day lives, and he’ll see that ultimately he couldn’t have hoped for a better husband for his daughter.

  • Father Knows Best

    Why are you all assuming it’s a mom writing? Read the signature… “FATHER KNOWS BEST” I wonder what the mother actually thinks about her daughter marrying a Lubavitcher

  • CHAIM

    Fisrt of all she is very right in saying no job or money and worring about the babies.
    we are brought up not to go to college.
    now that we see that not everybody can go on shelichus if not hooked up ingansen guess what is happening now THE SHLUCHIM WANT people to go to college!!!!!!! they themselves didint go
    I personally was turned down for a position becuase I didnt have a degree! but neither did the shliach! he is turninng down his brothers…
    we need to think carefully about college!
    thats the most simple way to secure a decent job out there today. then you can have all the babaies you want.
    BELEIVE ME IF THIS CHABANIK HAD MONEY SHE WOULD NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT BABIES!!!
    BUT THIS BACHUR IS NOT ON PAR WITH HER DAUGHTER SO SHE HAS A CONCERN
    WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE IS GET THIS BACHUR A JOB!!!! AND NOW

  • the truth hurts

    this girl WILL be a second class citizen in the frum community (unless she’s super rich), and in the secular world (just because she’s frum).

  • A very proud lubavitch woman

    My family gave me up when I took on the Rebbe’s blessings of being frum!!
    My sister and brother have never been there for me and it was devastating at first.
    I have embraced my own loving husband, children and community. With the Rebbe’s unconditional love I learned that my sister and brotjher have the problem,not me…

  • the REAL issue

    is that yiddishkeit has become an expensive lifestyle, and we need to come up with a practical solution QUICKLY.

  • helpful tip

    The parents should read the book, ‘Black Becomes A Rainbow’ by Agi L. Bauer. it will help them see their daughters situation in a compleatly different light, and may change their veiws of orthodox Jews in general

  • leiba f

    im a bt, and i thank gd everyday that my parents are supportive and want me to be lubavitch….infact my mother who reads the forward was more outraged than I at this parents complete disrespect. All my mother kept saying was my daughter is not a parasyte, she is a gift from gd…

  • Oh Yeah

    Father Knows Best is probably right, the father wrote this as it was signed Father Knows Best.

    In that case, it is the mother who either divorced this loser or mercifully died early.

  • From: Hanging In There, To: Chanie

    B“H
    I surely appreciate your empathy. Any suggestions as to how I could EVER get ”Ringleader“ to be WILLING to come to us for Shabbos?
    The soup is no problem; my guests and family always enjoy it, baruch Hashem. It’s getting such an individual to even consider experiencing ANY of Shabbos, especially when they’re so suspicious! (They might even think I spiked the wine with some of that ”Chabad Kool Aid!“)
    —————————————
    ALSO: to ”Chabad bt“ —
    I can really relate to what you said about ”Bubby Betty and Zaidy Charles,“ who may as well be my spouse’s parents!
    I don’t completely experience that our child’s school is ”Unconditional Gevurah,“ as challenging as it is nonetheless. But I DO sometimes worry about the frequent gifts sent in the mail, etc., to entice our child to want to spend more time with them (and their utterly, flaming rebelliously frei lifestyle).
    So far, when something associated with ”Betty and Charles“ is inappropriate, we just explain (discreetly to the child!) that this is passt nit, and that Bubby and Zayde, who are ”still learning,” still don’t understand that yet; we must have loving patience, but not compromise our values.

  • Alphonse Shmedlap

    Friday, 5/01/09 common era

    I was raised in the Reform movement but came back to Torah when I was age 40, 24 years ago. Both Chabad and Young Israel rabbis taught me a lot of Torah that the Reform “rabbis” didn’t seem to care about or even know.

    The average Reform “rabbi” doesn’t have the Torah knowledge of the average Yeshiva high school student. The Reformers are caught up in seeking Gentile approval. Of course, Reform originally was invented to eliminate antisemitism; that was in dear old Germany. Need I write more?

  • Uzi

    While I may be a mere Noachide, I would submit that it is the parent who has drunk the Kool-Aid of neo-Greco-Roman culture. That he would rather his/her daughter marry a non-Jew is telling. Obviously this person has no problems entertaining the fantasy of the complete destruction of the Jewish people.

    I personally don’t understand the idea of a Torah-observant man abstaining from work and collecting benefits from a non-Israelite government (such a man’s being active in the workplace would be a great light to the nations), either, but I imagine that all of the daughter’s qualifications and abilities can be put to good use within Chabad. I’m guessing that the son is preparing to become a shliach.

    My observation of the women of Chabad is that they have learned the power of true femininity. The way they conduct themselves demands respect.