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Movement Aimed at Eliminating Purim Intoxication Results in Mass Dehydration

Purim 2017: Health officials believe that they have finally made some headway in a mystery that plagued the department for years. Each year on Purim, the department documents numerous cases of unexplained severe dehydration in members of the Jewish community. None of the victims reported that they were fasting at the time, nor did they any have alcohol in their systems – both of which are common factors in dehydration.

The breakthrough finally came when one victim mentioned passively that he was complying with the bombardment of public service announcements encouraging people to reduce or eliminate “drinking” on Purim. “They warn of the dangers of drinking on Purim,” one patient told healthcare workers, “so being an obedient citizen, I didn’t drink on Purim.” A further investigation revealed that the other victims were influenced by the same anti-drinking advertising campaigns.

In response to this development, officials of the anti-drinking campaigns rushed to reword their ads. The ads will now discourage “overconsuming”, and move which has the community’s retailers in a frenzy.

5 Comments

  • 1. Dear lord wrote:

    This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. Anyone with functioning brain cells can tell you that alcohol dehydrates you anyways. This article is pointless.

    Reply
  • 3. Bad taste wrote:

    Don’t make fun of a movement that is trying to keep us all alive by avoiding the dangers of intoxication.

    Reply
  • 5. THE POINT wrote:

    …IS THAT EVERY HALACHA, EVERY MINHAG, IS HOLY, AND WE SHOULDN’T EVER COMPROMISE ON ANYTHING!!! The problems arise when some people twist a minhag or halacha to serve their own tivas. The Rebbe has said once at a farbrengen that one can drink something, nap for half an hour, and fufill the mitzvah of not knowing the difference between Boruc Mordachai and orrur Homon. The Shulchan Orech mentions that one can’t become so drunk they come to violate any halacha or part of a halacha.
    Still, if a Jew doesn’t do anything and ignors the inyan, of course he will be (spiritually) dehydrated

    Reply
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