Weekly Story: You Were Not Abandoned, Part 5 (Finale)

Continued from last week – You Were Not Abandoned, Pt. 4

by Rabbi Sholom Avtzon

As this Sunday is Lag B’Omer, a day that is synonymous with Ahavas Yisroel, I am sharing with you the following dialogue that Malka engaged the Rebbe in, on Ahavas Yisroel. [In a sicha on the 29th of Elul 5736/1976 (which was presented last Motzei Shabbos on The Living Torah by JEM) the Rebbe says he was asked this very question].

I received the dialogue from Malka some weeks ago and I informed her that I will post it this week, in connection with Lag B’Omer.

However, before I quote her, I would like to write an introduction to this segment, which for the time being is the finale in this series of the Rebbe’s directives and sayings to Malka. As I feel I have to clarify a few points.

These articles were shared by Malka, not by her initiative nor her desire to receive any publicity, a point that she clearly is not interested in, but they came from my own communications with her to explore the memories of her interactions and discover her deep connection to the Rebbe. I requested, and eventually she allowed me to publicize certain things, only for one reason, and that is, in order to give us an insight in the Rebbe’s greatness in his Ahavas Yisroel and in so many other aspects.

Yes as noted last week, there is a paradox in some aspects of her life, but we are not here to scrutinize her conduct in her self-imposed exile to a “spiritual Siberia”, it is rather, as so many of you noted, a series of lessons from the Rebbe that are as applicable today, to all of us, just as it was decades ago, when the Rebbe said them to Malka.

So please respect her utmost desire of privacy, just as you would not want personal tidbits of your life to be posted on the internet. Remember that Malka was not brought up Lubavitch, nor does she consider herself a Lubavitcher in any way (e.g. her siddur nussach is not Tehilas Hashem) – her only connection to Lubavitch is the Rebbe.

As you all see, the majority of the readers are convinced as I, that everything noted is true. But some questioned certain points. And I will address one of them.

Malka asked me if I can guide her on making an eruv around her backyard, as well as the question of how a hammock should be connected to two sturdy trees, in order that she can use it on Shabbos, to relax and read. Being that I am not a Rov, after clarifying certain details myself with her, I forwarded those two questions to Dayan Raskin in England. In a series of emails after further clarifying exactly the terrain of her property, he advised her on which segments an Eruv can be made using the natural boundaries etc., and that she connected her hammock properly, as it was connected to a hook that was connected to a metal ring around the trees.

Finally, I had hoped that the auspicious time of Pesach Sheini would inspire Zahava to respond with a willingness to meet, as she so eloquently noted in her first comment last week, that Pesach Sheini is an invite to one who was distanced for whatever reason to come forward. So Zahava please contact me at avtzonbooks@gmail.com and not just through your thoughtful insights on the comment section. Just imagine what would have happened have you met and then realized that you are old acquaintances?! Divine Providence brought you both to an opportunity of a reunion but left the choice in your hands. Please choose the path of achdus, to reunite with Malka in the spirit of Ahavas Yisroel.

Now for Malka’s recollection of what the Rebbe said about Ahavas Yisroel:

The following is very unclear to me, it took place decades ago, but seems important to share.  I will write it to the best of my recollection and understanding. I hesitated to even share this because I might have misunderstood some of the conversation but I am sharing based on my understanding and recollections. For whatever it is worth, here is the third vivid memory: [The previous two were about Pesach Sheini which was last week’s post and about the power of Music, which was posted before Pesach].

The year after the Rebbe added the new Mitzva campaign of Ahavas Yisroel (I do not recall the year) [it was 1976 -SA], I had the nerve of asking him, “Rebbe, all the other Mitzva campaigns are practical mitzvos – a practice of a specific mitzva, but this new campaign of Ahavas Yisroel is basically theoretical and generalization without any specific act in mind?”

The Rebbe looked very surprised and said something like, “Theoretical?! Since the 6-days of Creation Hashem is busy making shidduchim. The practical application of Ahavas Yisroel is to help make shidduchim.” (I am unsure of the exact answer but this is my understanding).

I asked, “Isn’t shidduchim just another among many types of chessed?”

He answered something like, “No, Chazal tell us that the entire reason a man and women must meet before they marry is V’Ahavta L’rayacha Komocha – a shadchan helps facilitate this meeting.” (I am unsure of the exact meaning of his answer, but this is my recollection).

I asked jokingly, “So you want all chassidim to become matchmakers?!”

He became very serious and replied something like, “The first chosid of a “Rebbe” was Eliezer, the servant of Avraham. His defining legacy was being a shadchan, making a shidduch! Making shidduchim is the truest expression of Ahavas Yisroel and of being a chosid. It allows humans to partner with Hashem in His Holy work of making shidduchim. It helps bring down the souls needed to hasten Moshiach. And for the shluchim it will help combat the ravages of intermarriage which does the opposite of hastening Moshiach. Those that involve themselves in this Ahavas Yisroel will be blessed with abundance of success, material and spiritual wealth. That is a practical expression of Ahavas Yisroel that hastens Moshiach, a time when the possuk says: Od yishoma  kol chosson v’kol kallah – a refrence to shidduchim” (Again, I am really unsure of the exact words or message but this is my understanding).

I asked/commented, “But not every chosid has the ability to be a shaddchan! Some don’t even know how to do it! They have no experience with making shidduchim! They wouldn’t even know how to begin!”

He responded, “Do you think Eliezer was an experienced shaddchan? Not at all. But he was a chosid and he knew he needed to become a shadchan, so he prayed that Hashem should help him. It worked for him, (Rebbe smiled) and he made a good shidduch for Yitzchok. With prayer, everyone can and must become a shadchan. That is the practical application of Ahavas Yisroel.”

Although I put “quotations” – these were for sure not the EXACT words and I am really unsure if those were the meaning of his words – this is merely what I understood.

My own thoughts: This was well before the concerns over “shidduch crisis” or the current extreme high level of intermarriage. In hindsight we can see from this the far reaching foresight of a true leader who sees and plans ahead and preempts solutions, and it is all part of his master plan to hasten the coming of Moshiach.



After last week’s segment was posted, there were some comments where some people asked how they could contact her, and others responded that they should do it through me. I asked Malka if she would allow me to forward inquires to her, and this was Malka’s response:

You may answer them publicly (since there might be some who are too timid, overwhelmed or ashamed to reach out):

I am neither a role model nor a counselor.

I myself have more questions to ask than answers to give.

Yet a drowning person clutches at any straw in the troubled waters hoping that it can save. I am that straw which cannot rescue.

But how can one stand by idly and watch the suffering of our brethren? Can I ignore the hand of a drowning person?

To those who have pain, all I can do is weep with you as we mourn together in your personal suffering caused by Exile.

When a child is troubled, the child is in pain. That pain is internal, the soul is hurting, and the child may or may not even be aware of it. When a child is in pain, it is alone, abandoned, overwhelmed, desperate to numb the pain, seeking to “escape” by cutting off all that are around him/her.

Yet, herein lies the solution – when alone, it needs another, to love, to comfort, to share the lonely pain.

I once asked my Morah during Shiva [after the loss of my last adopted parent], what is the point of visiting a mourner who is suffering a tremendous loss over which there is nothing that you can do? How are you comforting me by visiting me? My Morah answered me that the comfort is just by being there and sharing in the pain. She hugged me and together we cried and cried. For those moments the pain became somewhat less unbearable. My Morah could not bring to life those that are gone, but she could let me know that I am not alone.

I am not alone in my challenges. No Jew is alone in their individual and private challenges.

The story about me is called [by Rabbi Avtzon]: You Were Not Abandoned. The illustration given, is of a Father holding His daughter’s hand as He guides her towards the sunrise. We were not abandoned and Hashem holds our hand as He guides us out of the dark night towards the sunrise of Moshiach.

No prayer goes unheard and no tear is forgotten.

We are not alone in our suffering because Hashem hears us and is close to us. But we must call out to Him in Truth.

Hashem bends His ear to hear us on the day that that we call Him (Tehillim 117:2). Hashem is close to all that call out to Him, to all that call out in Truth (Tehillim 145:2).

One day soon Hashem will also keep His long overdue promise of taking us out of this terrible Exile and erase all our tears and remove the shame of our nation from the land [as the navi says] “Umacha Hashem Dim’ah Me’al Kol Ponim; V’cherpas Amo Yasir Me’al Kol Ha’aretz” by soon sending us Moshiach, “Ki Hashem Diber,” because Hashem has promised to do so.

We are all suffering as we mourn the destruction of Tzion and Yerushalayim but we console ourselves knowing that together in unity we will soon see them rebuilt and darkness come to an end.

If your child is troubled, demonstrate to that child, not in words but in actions, that she is not alone. No Jew is ever alone. We were never abandoned.

I write this from my heart which is filled with love for my people,


In a subsequent correspondence, (sorry details aren’t forthcoming) she responded:

During my first yechidus with the Rebbe before my bas-mitzva the Rebbe gave me a gift, a Russian coin of 20 Kopeks (dated 1940). When I asked him, “Why a Russian coin?” He smiled and with a twinkle in his eye said, “I want you to always keep it and a Russian coin is much more difficult to spend in America.” Over the years it remains my most treasured possession – a physical reminder that I was never abandoned. We are not alone.

When Malka allowed me to publicize this point, I requested of her for the sake of the readers, if she can please send me a picture of the coin, and she graciously agreed.

Rabbi Avtzon is a veteran mechanech and is available to farbreng in your community. He can be reached at avtzonbooks@gmail.com.


  • Baila

    Malka, We love you too. Baila
    p.s. please tell us more! Search you memory for more things that you can share with us. And – you ARE a Lubavitcher, no less than anyone else. It’s like the Rebbe adopted you and took you under his care.

    • Lubavitcher

      What makes someone a Lubavitcher?
      I think if you are connected to Rebbe then you are one. Malka is connected to Rebbe.

  • "FINALE"???

    No “finale”!!!! The story continues with each person that is touched and moved by it. The waves caused are world wide. It has changed lives and inspired so many. The story is just BEGINNING!!!!

    • Shidduchim

      Does that mean YOU will start making shidduchim or are you waiting for “someone else” to do the job?

  • Thank you!

    for another wonderful, uplifting, heartening, insightful, moving, thought provoking, inspiring, amazing story.

  • Wow!

    Wow! So so grateful to read this. You can’t imagine what this means to me. This story is my lifesaver.

    • Lifesaver

      Become a lifesaver and life maker by making shidduchim to build jewish homes.

  • Hendel

    Super story. Sharing it with all my friends.Needs to be rewritten in an orderly manner.

  • Pain of Seeking a Shidduch

    It is painful when a single is “waiting” for a shidduch. A day, a week, a month goes by and NOTHING. No suggestions, no calls, forgotten about.

    Everyone know someone and everyone can suggest someone. We MUST do something or else how can we fool ourselves that we have ahavas yisroel?

    As Malka says:
    “But how can one stand by idly and watch the suffering of our brethren? Can I ignore the hand of a drowning person?”

    Do something TODAY. Make a call. Suggest a name. It DEFINES what a choid is – one who does chessed.

    • You are not alone

      These are many of us waiting for a shidduch. We are all in extreme pain. We feel helpless and alone. Doesn’t anyone care?

  • Very Important

    EVERYONE MUST READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Read it AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    IT IS OUR JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Alone is Painful

      I am without my match and that is painful. I am alone and so is my bashert. Help us stop being alone.

  • WOW

    “Making shidduchim is the truest expression of Ahavas Yisroel and of being a chosid. It allows humans to partner with Hashem in His Holy work of making shidduchim. It helps bring down the souls needed to hasten Moshiach. And for the shluchim it will help combat the ravages of intermarriage which does the opposite of hastening Moshiach. Those that involve themselves in this Ahavas Yisroel will be blessed with abundance of success, material and spiritual wealth. That is a practical expression of Ahavas Yisroel that hastens Moshiach”

    • Brochas

      Those that involve themselves in this Ahavas Yisroel will be blessed with abundance of success, material and spiritual wealth – these brochas solve the parnasa crisis and Off The Derech crisis.

  • Avrohom

    Too bad. You had everyone believing you till now. The Rebbe never gave out Russian coins period. Must be a different Rebbe.

    • Hugh?

      Why are you making up such facts? Just because you don’t know or you never heard of it, doesn’t mean it becomes a fact. A few select people got Russian rubles and other coins in the very early years.

    • Er Hot Gezokt

      So says he. And he decided it is so. Because he said so. Logical. He believed till now – NOT. He never believed.In anything. Because he knows.

  • !940?

    Think this might have been a coin brought to America by the Freierdiker Rebbe or chassidim that arrived shortly after?

    • Stalin Era during WW2

      The time was World War II, the USSR was ruled by Stalin…dark times for Jews.

    • To 1941

      Didn’t previous Rebbe arrive in 1941? Hebrew year was 5700 but English Winter of 1941? But he arrived from Poland, not Russia!

  • Tomim

    The Rebbe always followed “Avrohom’s Rules” and in the “Rules of Avrohom” it says “The Rebbe never gave out Russian coins period”. What other rules of yours must the Rebbe do or never do?

  • Fascinated

    The story is not just interesting but absolutely fascinating. Clearly Malka is a very special person with deep insights. She merited to a unique and special relationship with the Rebbe. Now we merit to hear about it and digest the many lessons. I am absolutely fascinated.

  • Number of Comments

    I wonder if there will be 50 – 100 comments like on all the other parts of this story? Everyone who reads it needs to say something!

    • Each Commentator

      If each commentator would start working on a shidduch, there would be an extra 50 -100 potential shidduchim started right now. Instead of writing a comment, spend the same time making a call to start a shidduch.

  • I don't get it

    Part One was incredible and really al Shem Tov style.
    Part 2-5 were really nothing special.
    What do people find so interesting?

    • Value

      A story isn’t just for your entertainment. It is to teach a lesson and apply to our lives. Part One had very little application to our lives. It gave us insight and understanding but nothing to change us. The Part about goyish music applied to some . This part applies to everyone.t is the most important part.

  • Rebbe gave me israeli shekels

    I had my 1st yechidus in 1967 at age 18. The rebbe gave me israeli shekalim as shaliach mitzvah money to bring to israel when i went there looking for shidduchim. So no reason why he wouldnt have given russian coins as well

    • Tomim

      Because then the Rebbe would be going against “Avrohom’s Rules”.

      Here the coin was NOT given for tzeddaka but as a GIFT to keep. He davka gave a coin that is “difficult to use”, that won’t get used by mistake or mixed with other money.

      I once heard that in the early years once an infant girl was burned (by scalding water) and when she recovered the parents asked for a brocha that she will one day be able to get married. The Rebbe gave a Russian ruble for her to give it’s value at her chuppah.

    • Now pay back your debt

      You found a shidduch with the help of others, now help others make a shidduch too. You need to pay back the debt by returning the favor to others.

  • Become a Chosid Today

    On your block there are single girls who need a shidduch. Do something for them and yourself. Spend a minute thinking and make a call to your relative or friend who has a son or nephew. It isn’t too complicated. All it takes is to care a little about a fellow yid.

  • Happy Lag B'Omer

    Happy Lag B’Omer to Malka. Thanks for sharing your personal story with the entire world. Your story enriched the world and helped make it better.

    • Better not to know

      It is better not to know than to know and to do nothing. Now that you know, what are you doing? Ayeka? Where are you in this?

  • Toras Chesed Al L'Shona

    Her words are full of kindness and caring for others. I was jealous of her relationship with the Rebbe till I saw what she writes and realized that she is so special that she deserved it.

    • She learned from the Rebbe

      When someone like Malka is exposed to the Rebbe’s level of ahavas Yisroel, it will rub off on her and effect her to also have this incredible love for yidden.

  • Side tracked

    It is so easy to get side tracked – to be curious if Malka ever got married; to whom else did the Rebbe give a Russian coin; how Malka made an eruv…TACHLIS folks! “Hamaseh hoo haikar”, the main point of this story is to help someone find their shidduch and become a partner with Hashem and ring Moshiach.What did YOU do today to express your love for another Jew? DId you suggest a shidduch for the girl in your family or on your block or living in your basement? You want to be a chosid – become one by doing something that will help bring Moshiach NOW!!

  • Golden coin?

    The golden color – is the coin copper (it would then be dark brown) or brass? It for sure isn’t gold!

    • Meir

      Copper-nickel (somewhat like a U.S. nickel). You sometimes see old nickels that have oxidized to such a color.

    • Value

      Is the coin rare? Like is it of great monetary value? Or is this a common coin?

    • Significance

      Any meaning associated with giving her this particular coin?

    • Wealth

      You want wealth? You want nachas? You want good children? Make shidduchim!

  • Complaining No Shaddchonim

    Many complain that there are “no shadchonim” in Crown Heights. Well, these are some, but they aren’t working for the complainers. Now we know that every chosid is a shaddchan. There are thousands of shaddchonim in CH. But they need to start doing their job and getting sidduchim happening. They cannot sit and wait for someone to ask them, but they need to go out and find a single and make them a shidduch.

    • Single in Pain

      I was against the part that denounced non-Jewish music because I listen, but this part would help my life because I need help.
      I am in pain and alone and that’s why I act out with non-Jewish music. In essence I want to build a frum chassidish home but I cannot do it alone. I need a match.

  • Explain

    The part about coin should have been in Part 1 when she had yechidus.

    Why is it coming up now – so many weeks later?

    Explain why “details aren’t forthcoming”?

    You wrote “In a subsequent correspondence” – does that mean she never told you this in her original story?

  • illustration

    illustration given of a Father holding His daughter’s hand as He guides her towards the sunrise –
    how do you know it is a sunrise and not a sunset?
    to me it looks like they are walking into the sunset.

    • To Each Their Own

      You see darkness and night approaching.

      She sees a new day beginning as dawn arrives.

      Which is positive and inspiring?

    • To illustration

      You know, you have a good point. I did not think of it. To me there was no question. Now you created a question. That is the way of Amolek, Sattan, Yetzer Hara.

  • U.S.S.R.

    At that time, it was the USSR and not Russia even though many called it Russia anyway.

  • Words of Truth

    “If your child is troubled, demonstrate to that child, not in words but in actions, that she is not alone.”

    • Actions

      If a child knows that everyone in the community is trying to make her a shidduch, she will feel loved.

  • Words of Truth

    ” When a child is in pain, it is alone, abandoned, overwhelmed, desperate to numb the pain, seeking to “escape” by cutting off all that are around him/her.”

    • A Single Girl

      I am single and I am alone. That is why I try to escape by acting out with short sleeves, short skirts, leggings, no socks…

  • Words of Truth

    Love this:
    “Do you think Eliezer was an experienced shaddchan? Not at all. But he was a chosid and he knew he needed to become a shadchan, so he prayed that Hashem should help him. It worked for him, (Rebbe smiled) and he made a good shidduch for Yitzchok. With prayer, everyone can and must become a shadchan. That is the practical application of Ahavas Yisroel.”

  • Let's Take Action

    We all have the ability to look out for another. In honor of Lag B’Omer, let us all take 5 minutes a day to think of even 1 shidduch suggestion. You may think you don’t have the expertise to present it nor the time to get involved. I therefore am offering anyone who has any credible sugestions to assist in presenting the suggestions and facilitating the shidduch.
    5 minutes. That’s all it takes to think of a suggestion!!!
    Let us all partake in the greatest mitzvah of all – the mitzvah equivalent to the entire Torah – Ahavas Yisroel – loving a fellow Jew who needs our help.
    If yes, email me (moishe@shadchancoach.com or call/text 847.840.8633) a suggestion for a friend, a friend’s child or a relative with someone who you feel may be a suitable match. We will partner together to reenact Eliezer’s legacy – matchmaking!
    Rabbi Moishe Raitman

    • To Rabbi Raitman

      I think the message is to voluntarily make shidduchim with out compensation. You charge just to meet the single, a fee to register…I understand it takes time and you need to make a living but so does davening and saying chitas also takes time. Do you expect to get paid $ for that?

  • Love

    She has so my empathy and love for her fellow yidden. Every word is so loving. As she herself says: heart which is filled with love for my people. What a neshoma she has!

  • tamara

    It took courage of Malka to share her private life story (and all the unspoken but understood details between the lines). Where she is at today compared to what c”v could have been, is nothing short of heroic and miraculous. Credit belongs to the Rebbe for saving this orphan from becoming lost. Credit equally goes to Malka who used her inner strength of character to persevere and stand strong. The Rebbe and her parents, both sets, must be proud of her. We can all learn from her.

  • To anyone just starting this story

    If you weren’t following this storyline and just started reading at this point, you really need to start at part one and two to fully appreciate the later parts. Start at the beginning and you will be blown away.

  • Is her name really Malka

    Is Malka’s name really Malka? I once met an older lady at the Ohel who cried and then walked out happy. Her name was Malka but didn’t want to say her last name. Is Malka’s name really Malka?

    • Memo

      Did you not get the memo from Rabbi Avtzon?
      Here it is:
      please respect her utmost desire of privacy, just as you would not want personal tidbits of your life to be posted on the internet.

    • Malka's name

      To Rabbi Avtzon:
      What is her full name?
      Malka bas…?
      I am not a yenta but want to daven for her.

  • Last Segment?

    We enjoyed each part and wish to hear more. We hope to one day meet Malka. You are incited as an honored guest. I am sure we can learn so much more from you. You are a walking inspiration.

    • Are you REALLY Inspired?

      Are you REALLY inspired? Then…DO SOMETHING! If you don’t, then you WEREN’T “inspired”, just “entertained” by the story.

  • זהבה

    לא שייך ואין תכלית כלל להיפגש עם מלכה
    אני מקבלת טיפולים בבית חולים בקנדה
    ע”פ עצת מרן שליט”א לקחתי קבלה לדבר רק לשון הקודש
    לטהר אבר הדיבור בגרון
    החלפתי שמי ללשון הקודש לזהבה
    ומרן שליט”א שלל פגישה
    באמרו שאין בזה שום תועלת
    ואסיים בברכה והצלחה ובשורות טובות

    • Go Figure

      Go figure!
      Zehava isn’t even her real name!
      She is in a hospital in Montreal, Canada.

    • Crown Heightser

      Hello! Engllsh please. Or else I will start writing in Spanish. Look, enough with the Hebrew. This isn’t an Israeli site. Here we talk English. Many of us do not read or understand Hebrew. Be polite and write in English only.

    • Google Translate

      There is no possibility and no purpose whatsoever to meet with Malka.
      I am presently getting treatments at a hospital in Canada.
      Based on Maran’s (Reb Chaim Kanievsky’s) Shlitah advice, I took upon myself to speak only the Holy Tongue as a merit to heal the voice box in my throat. I also changed my name into the Holy Tongue to Zehava
      And Maran shlita negated a meeting
      saying there was no use for it.
      I shall conclude with blessing and success and good news
      and salvation

    • To Crown Heightser

      She expalined why she writes in Hebrew. It was a hachlotah she took for a zchus to heal her vocal cords. Next time judge people favorably!

    • Crown Heightser

      关于美丽的文章- 美文故事-散文随笔 – 文章阅读网 I also have a reason to write in Oriental-ish.

    • Google Translate

      Crown Heightser wrote in Chinese:

      On the beautiful article – the story of the story – essay essay – article reading network

    • Montreal?

      What makes you think Montreal is the only city in Canada?

      There is Edmonton, Vancouver, Ottawa, Halifax and a few other cities too on Chabad.org

      Canada is not just Montreal!

  • Family Origin

    From where does Malka come? Is she of chassidic background? From which city/shtetel in Old Country? What was her original family name? Some of us may be related to her!

    • Memo

      Did you not get the memo from Rabbi Avtzon?
      Here it is:
      please respect her utmost desire of privacy, just as you would not want personal tidbits of your life to be posted on the internet.

  • Visit Bnos Menachem

    Malka, Please visit our school. We would love to greet you and give you a massive hug. We love you. Mushka

    • Visit Bais Rivka

      Malka, visit Bais Rivka first because we our the mossod that the Rebbe started. We were first so visit us first.

  • What did you do TODAY

    What did you do TODAY to help make a shidduch?

    You said chitas…you learned Rambam…but did you try too ame a shidduch???

  • Stand by your brother's blood

    Doing nothing for the singles is simply Lo samod al dam rayecha. Help a single find a shidduch. Help build a Jewish home. Help build the Jewish nation.

  • Who is a chosid?

    You said modeh ani.
    You washed negel vasser.
    You davened.
    You learned.
    But are you a chosid?
    Did you do what the Rebbe wants?
    Ahavas Yisroel = make a shidduch!
    If you didn’t – today you weren’t a chosid.

    • Abandonded

      Only family and close friends care. No one else does. It is disgusting.

  • Bochur

    To share a bit of insight:

    Malka quoted the Rebbe as saying, “Chazal tell us that the entire reason a man and women must meet before they marry is V’Ahavta L’rayacha Komocha”

    This Chazal is actually in Kidushin 41a: Rav Yehuda said in name of Rav that a man may not be mekadesh a woman before he sees her [meets with her] lest he subsequently see something repulsive her and she becomes loathsome to him, when the Merciful One said, “and you shall love your neighbor as yourself”.

    Malka also quotes the Rebbe as saying, “It allows humans to partner with Hashem in His Holy work of making shidduchim.”

    The Medrash (Vayeitzei 68:4) relates the story of the roman lady who approached R’ Yosi Bar Chalafta and questioned him ‘in how many days did Hashem create the world’? R’ Yosi replied, ‘in six days’. The woman said, ‘from the seventh day until now, what does Hashem do’? R’ Yosi replied, ‘Hashem is busy making shidduchim, He designates that the son of A to marry the daughter of B’.

    The words are quoted from Rebbe are all based on Talmud and Medrash. Not every person is aware of this.

    • to bochur

      most people especially women who don’t learn gemara would not know these sources on their own. malka quotes them in rebbe’s name.

  • And Life Goes On

    We read this. We get inspired. And we wake up next morning without any change. Just as we were before. Life goes on. Golus continues. Singles suffer. Yet we pat ourselves on the back thinking we are chassidim. Why do we expect change in the world when we do not change at all????

    • Lip Service

      If we REALLY wanted Moshiach, we would do this: make shidduchim, but we just pay lip service to wanting Moshiach. We are chassidim as long as it fits in with our comfort zone: say lchaim, fress at a farbreng, even learning a bit makes us feel good and holy. But we don not do ANYTHING that is uncomfortable because we are FAKERS. There I said it. F-A-K-E-R-S, and that is why we are still in golus.

  • No One Cares

    What a joke! People learn chassidus but don’t do any of what chassidus teaches them. They read chassidish maysehs but t does not make any changes in their attitudes. There is a disconnect between what we think and what we do. And we think we are doing what the Rebbe wants when we aren’t. No one cares about the people suffering alone, the singles in our community. Everyone thinks that “someone else” can help them. Pass the buck. Well, the buck stops here. You have it. Mi lahashem aloy, the call is out, who will stand up.

    • For 70, 80 years

      For 70, 80 years
      A neshoma wears and tears
      Just to do a favor for another

  • K

    Rav Shimon Schwab told over the story of the time he went to visit the Chofetz Chaim. The Chofetz Chaim asked him, “Did you know that I am a Kohein?”. Rav Schwab answered, “Yes”. The Chofetz Chaim then asked, “Are you a Kohein?” Rav Schwab said no. “What about a Levi?” “Also not”, said Rav Schwab.

    “What a pity”, said the Chofetz Chaim. When Moshiach comes everyone will yearn to do the Avodah but “V’HaZar HaKarev Yumas”, any non Kohein or Levi who do an Avodah will be put to death.

    I will do the Avodah and you will not because when Moshe screamed Mi Lashem Eilai, my grandfather went running to join him, while yours did not. Because of this all their descendants lost the chance to participate in the Avodas bais HaMikdash for all generation.

    Concluded the Chofetz Chaim, in your life when you hear the call Mi Lashem Eilai, who will stand up to answer the call, you must go running. If you don’t you will lose out forever.

    You all heard the call, who will answer it and merit eternal rewards and who will ignore it and lose the merit for all their future generations?

  • Hear This!

    With prayer, everyone can and must become a shadchan. That is the practical application of Ahavas Yisroel.

  • I Am A Single In Crown Heights

    I am a single in Ch.

    I haven’t been set up on any “date” / “meeting” in 9 months.

    Time keeps moving forward.

    A day becomes a week which becomes a month which turned to 9 months.

    Nine months is enough time to create a living baby.

    Think what you can do for me and the hundreds of other singles nearby.


    • Tsk Tsk

      Oy, ad mosai, and all that gibberish that means absolutely nothing because you do nothing.

  • Gemarah

    Talmud Kidushin 41a – a man must meet the woman prior to marriage to make sure he likes her and observe the mitzva of v’ahavta l’rayacha komocha.

    • Kop Doktar

      Since Malka is not a “boki b’shas”, that gives weight and credibility to her reported recollection of what she heard.

  • JEM Sicha

    So in the JEM Video sicha of 1976, the Rebbe mentions that malka asked him this question! (Without mentioning her name). Wow! I hope the sceptics are listening.

  • Open Wound

    This segment touched on an Open Wound.

    It is so true that YOUR NEIGHBOR, that single girl or boy you pass by, is suffering.

    But you are “too busy” in your own merry life to reach out and help him or her.

    People, the truth hurts and maybe it takes someone like Malka to share a personal story with us so that we can get this lesson to have ahavas yisroel and REALLY HONESTLY CARE about all the single bochurim and post-seminary girls who are waiting for “the phone call”, waiting to “hear a name”…waiting in pain and suffering silently.


    Did i miss it?
    Where is the sicha ? Source date etc?

    • Are skeptics listening?

      Rebbe mentioned Malka’s question in a sicha shortly after she asked him. Are you listening?? So listen to what he told her and now she is sharing!

  • Ad Mosai

    How long till people start making shidduchim for everyone and anyone they know? Ad mosai!!!

  • Rabbi Avtzon: Truth Be Told

    “Lo noga v’lo poga”
    Nothing changed.
    Malka, you wasted your time in sharing.
    Rabbi Avtzon, you wasted your time in publishing.
    That is the honest truth. And the truth hurts.
    No one cares to listen!

  • Evidence

    An eid echod.
    A coin.
    A sicha.
    A reference to a little known gemara and medresh.
    A story for no personal gain.
    No negiyos (no negiya).
    A story against personal interests (self depreciating).
    Details vivid and exact (not sketchy).
    Confirmation from a Zehava (Golda).

    • To Evidence

      Also confirmation from Dayan Raskin (via brother), plus Rabbi Avtzon himself having direct communications.

      That’s much more evidence than most stories we hear about.