Murder he Spoke: Hidden Weapon that Destroys Lives

Vayeishev: There seems to be a form of cognitive dissonance that is unique to the malady of slander and hurtful speech. Our slander is rarely the result of a lack of knowledge and awareness. We know that it’s wrong; we are all quite familiar with its insidious and destructive outcome, yet we don’t seem to treat the tongue with the same prudence that we do other hazardous behaviors.

A certain fellow went about the community spreading malicious lies about the rabbi. Upon realizing how sinful he had acted, the man was very remorseful. He approached the rabbi and begged his forgiveness; promising to do anything to make amends. The rabbi told the man to take a feather pillow, cut it open, and scatter the feathers into the wind. Strange as it appeared, the task seemed simple enough and he was glad to do it. When he returned to inform the rabbi that he had carried out his instruction, the rabbi said: “Now, go and gather the feathers.”

In response to the man’s bewilderment, the rabbi continued: “You can no more make amends for the damage your words have caused than you can recollect the feathers.”

___________________________________________________

There seems to be a form of cognitive dissonance that is unique to the malady of slander and hurtful speech. Our slander is rarely the result of a lack of knowledge and awareness. We know that it’s wrong; we are all quite familiar with its insidious and destructive outcome, yet we don’t seem to treat the tongue with the same prudence that we do other hazardous behaviors.

Be it on an interpersonal level or inter-communal-organizational level, we have not, it appears, learned to control this lethal weapon. For all the talk about “Loshon Hora” (evil tongue), it sometimes seems more like an empty cliché than one of Judaism’s most serious moral offenses. What’s more, often the very people who preach loudest about Loshon Hora and its harmful effects are the biggest offenders. The above notwithstanding, gossip of any sort, whether malicious or so called “Innocent” (a notion that is virtually nonexistent), is wrong, immoral and destructive.

Yet for me sectarian slander, which seems to permeate the Jewish world nowadays, is particularly disturbing. I find this sort of disparagement completely unfathomable and intolerable, not only because of it’s larger scope and thus of greater destructive potential, or its inherent self serving motives, but rather because of its bigoted nature.

Sectarian derision, be it secular vs. religious, modern vs. conventional, chassidic vs. litvish or one chassidic dynasty vs. another, smacks with racism.

The mind boggles as to how, after 2000 years of suffering and persecution of the worst order, as a result of slander and bigotry by our numerous enemies, we Jews can allow ourselves to indulge in the very same egregious conduct. Have we failed to learn anything from history? Is it different, somehow, when the gentiles hate us than when we hate ourselves?

Anti-Semitism is clearly no less anti-Semitic when perpetrated by one Jewish group against another, than when perpetrated by gentiles against Jews. It is even more flagrant when our leaders promote and encourage this offense. The thought that Jew-baiting often stems from the top; from our leaders and representatives, is twice as unthinkable.

Our Parsha Vayeishev presents a detailed account of the events that precipitated the descent of Yaakov and his family to Egypt. The very first event the Torah relates is that of a youthful Yosef sharing evil reports about his siblings with his elderly father, Yaakov, (Bereishis 27:2). How are we to understand Yosef’s conduct and why is this event so significant?

Rabbi Israel Meir ha-Kohen (1838-1933); known as the Chofetz Chaim, explains that Yosef’s intent was for Yaakov to rebuke his siblings for their wrongdoing. He did not go around gossiping to strangers. He had only his brothers’ best interest in mind. Still, Yosef was mistaken. He should have spoken to his brothers directly, even though he felt inadequate, as a result of his young age, rather than talk behind their backs.

According to Rashi, the reason the Torah shares the detailed account of the quarrels among Yaakov’s sons, is to underscore the fact that the Egyptian exile was brought-on as a direct result of a single individual’s slander. What lead Yaakov and his family into Egypt, was the conduct of one sibling who shared the unflattering behavior of his brothers with their elderly father; despite his best intentions.

It is instructive to note how costly this mistake was to Yosef personally. According to the Midrash, ten of the twelve years that Yosef spent in Egyptian prison was a Divine punishment for slandering his ten brothers, one year for each brother. The additional two years, according to the Midrash, are attributed to a different cause (Shemos Rabbah 7:1).

Slander and gossip have, in fact, been the impetuous for many of the horrors that have befallen the Jewish people, going back to the earliest point of their inception.

When Moshe discovered, upon killing the Egyptian, that Dasan and Aviram had slandered him to Pharaoh, Moshe wailed: “Indeed, it has become known,” (Shemos 2:14). The Midrash interprets Moshe as saying: “It has now become known to me why the Jewish people are still suffering in slavery” (Shemos Rabbah 1:30). Indeed, the Midrash attributes the Israelites redemption from Egypt to having gained control over the tendency towards gossip (Vayikra Rabbah 32:5).

The definition of slander, or Loshon Hora, in Jewish ethics is quite different from that of secular culture. The secular notion of slander is the malicious spreading of falsehoods or unverified innuendo. In fact, American law recognizes ”Truth” and “Malicious intent” as primary factors in the determination of slander and libel. Judaism, however, does not recognize such criteria. The Jewish perspective of the subject is entirely different.

According to Judaism, any negative, hurtful speech about others, whether true or false, whether or not it is spoken maliciously, is prohibited. There are very few exceptions to this general statement.

Judaism is keenly aware of the power of speech and of the harm that words can cause. There are 31 Mitzvos connected with forbidden speech, though one hardly violates them all at once. The rabbis note that the universe itself was created through speech. The power we wield when we speak is far beyond imagination; it is a key factor in our relationship with G-d and in living our lives as Jews.

Of the 43 sins enumerated in the Al Cheit (confession prayer) recited on Yom Kippur, 11 of them are sins committed through speech. The Talmud tells that the tongue is an instrument so dangerous that it must be kept hidden from view, behind two protective walls (the mouth and teeth) to prevent its misuse.

While there are many people who would not, in their wildest imagination, consider violating the laws of Shabbos, keeping kosher and similar demanding rituals, they commonly violate the laws regarding proper speech. Yet the harm done by words can be far worse than stealing or cheating a person, financially. Monetary losses can be repaid or regained, the harm caused by negative speech, on the other hand, is most often irreparable, hence the opinion that there is no forgiveness for disparaging speech.

The repercussions of improper speech are so intense that they have literally shaped the destiny of our people. The Jewish nation has been in exile for over 2,000 years, because of the words of our mouths. Most of the evils that have befallen us as a people are a consequence, one way or another, of gossip and slander.

Speech has been compared to an arrow: once the words are released, like an arrow, they cannot be recalled, the harm they do cannot be stopped and cannot always be predicted, for words like arrows often go astray.

The Talmud teaches that gossip and slander compare to the three major transgressions of murder, idol worship and adultery (Erechin 15b).

The person who listens to gossip is even worse than the person who relates it, because no harm could come from gossip if no one were to listen. It has been said that disparaging speech kills three: the person who speaks it, the person who hears it, and the person about whom it is told. (Talmud Arachin 15b).

According to Jewish law all things are considered to be secret, unless a person explicitly states otherwise. For this reason G-d reputedly tells Moshe to “Speak to the Children of Israel; ‘saying,’” or “Speak to the Children of Israel and ‘Tell them.’” If G-d did not specifically say this to Moshe, Moshe would be forbidden to repeat his words.
Nor is there a statute of limitations with regards to secrets. The Talmud tells the story of a student who revealed a secret that he had heard 22 years earlier, and he was immediately banished from the house of study (Talmud Sanhedrin 31a).

The reason why slander is so insidious a trait is because it leaves its victim without recourse. Since slander is spoken behind a person’s back, he has no way of defending himself against it; he has no way of restoring his good name. A good name is man’s most precious possession; it is in fact, man’s only real possession in this world and the only possession he takes with him to The World to Come.

No wonder why our sages state, in the name of Rabbi Shimon, that “There are three crowns, the crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood and the crown of kingship, but the crown of a good name exceeds them all” (Avos 4:17). Our good name is indeed our most important lifetime achievement

A story is told about a wealthy man who passed away and left two wills, one to be opened upon his death, the other, after the period of Shloshim (30 days of mourning). In the first will, he instructed his children to bury him in his socks.

When the children went to the Chevra Kadisha (burial society), and said that their father had left in his will that he wants to be buried with his socks on, they refused because it is against Jewish law, which dictates that a person be buried wearing shrouds only. The matter was brought before Rabbinic authorities and it was ruled that he must be buried without his socks.

After the 30 days of mourning, the children opened the second will, there the deceased allocated the enormous wealth that he accumulated during his life. He began the will by saying to his children: “I am sure you’ve realized that the Chevra Kadisha would not bury me with my socks. Here is the lesson that I wanted to convey to you: you can have all the money in the world, but you cannot even take your socks with you when you go.”

This story contains an important message: ultimately, the only things we take with us, is our good deeds and our good name, what our Sages call “Shem Tov.” A shem tov relates to the totality of the person; that which remains long after all else is gone.

The Seforno asserts that the brothers perceived Yosef to be a “Rodeif;” one who pursues another with the intent to kill. It is not only permissible to kill a rodeif, but indeed an obligation. Our father Avraham, he argues, had two children: Yitzchak and Yishmael; Yitzchak was righteous and was therefore chosen to carry on his mission, while Yishmael was cast aside. Yitzchak also had two sons; Yaakov was chosen to carry on the lineage, while Eisav spurned that role and disdained the first born rite.

Yosef’s derogatory remarks gave the brothers the impression that Yosef was portraying them as another Yishmael or Eisav. Much as the two had forsaken their inherent inclusion within the Jewish nation due to their unrighteous conduct, the bothers feared that they would have the same fate, as a result of Yosef’s slander. They feared, in other words, that Yosef was attempting to edge them out of their rightful portion in the Jewish nation. Thus, they held a court proceeding and sentenced him to death.

On the surface, Seforno’s commentary seems like a real stretch. How does the brothers’ fear of being cheated by Yosef out of their Jewish lineage, justify his death sentence?

In light of our earlier discussion, it may be better understood. The brothers did not perceive their inclusion into the Jewish nation as just another possession in life, but rather as life itself. They hence compared Yosef to a Rodeif; as wanting to steal their very life, which constituted nothing short of a capital offense.

It is clear from the above that not all things in life are equal, there are something’s in life that actually constitute life; the things for which we exist and on which we spend our very life. That is precisely what our “Shem Tov” is all about. To take a person’s Shem Tov, is in effect, to take his very life. And that is precisely what slander is all about. So, when you think about it, it really pays to hold your tongue.

May we take to heart the lesson of this Parsha, and put an end to slander and evil speech, both on a personal and communal level, which is what got us into this bitter exile and what is keeping it alive.

May the Almighty grant us the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the heart to know the true evil of the loose tongue and the wisdom for zero tolerance of slander, beginning with our leadership and thereby hasten the coming of Moshiach BBA.