Posted to Something Jewish on

How to Deal with a Rebellious Child?

How to deal with kids rebelling. What language to teach — Yiddish vs. English? How to cope with high anxiety. Just some of the problems schools face today. The Avner Institute presents two fascinating audiences in 1961 (5721) and 1965 (5725) with Reb Aron Dov Sufrin, of blessed memory, who for nearly 40 years had served as Director of Education of Lubavitch Foundation, London UK, and who, after leaving the Rebbe’s room, took down notes of the timeless advice on today’s youth and education.

With special thanks to Rabbi Yisroel Boruch Sufrin for making his late father’s personal notes available, and to Rabbi Chanoch Sufrin, Rev. Aron Dov’s grandson.

From the notes of Rev. Aron Dov Sufrin following his private audience with the Rebbe :

Issue:

Since work in Jewish education takes up so much time, (personal) Torah learning is affected and minimized, and tends to become lethargic.

The Rebbe’s Response:

The fact that work in Beis Lubavitch (London UK) leaves little time for learning should be looked at from a different perspective. This work is considered “worthy” and falls under the category of a mitzvah. (One good deed leads to another.) In addition, the work also aids in achieving taharas hamoach vehalev, purity of heart and soul. This in turn helps the learning process. Therefore, the actual time spent learning, even though it may be small due to communal work, is lo lephee erech (not comparable) to the time one spends learning when not involved in communal work.

Issue:

What attitude should be taken when a person had successfully influenced a child in a positive direction and the child subsequently reverted back to his original ways?

The Rebbe’s Response:

If one has hatzlacha (success) with a child, one must not close the door. One must always be mekarev (bring closer) the child, as there may be many reasons for his estrangement.

-Yechidus, 28 Tishrei 5721

Issue:

Most of the children in our school (The school referred to is Lubavitch House School in London UK) speak English at home. However in each class there are at least half the parents who would like their children to be taught in Yiddish, and one child has left because of this. There are one or two others who may leave because we do not teach in Yiddish. On the other hand, there are one or two who may take their children away to other schools if we do start teaching the children in Yiddish, and it will also deter parents of the English and German type from sending their children to us. Yet there is a possibility that if we would go over to teaching in Yiddish, a small percentage of frummer children may join our school. Under the present system we have adopted we are introducing Yiddish into each class (as the Rebbe Shlita may have noticed from the curriculum I handed in), but there is still dissatisfaction amongst some of the parents. We therefore wish to know what our policy should be for running the school to teach in Yiddish or English.

The Rebbe’s Response:

Tell the parents who want everything taught in Yiddish that they most probably also want their children to grow up to be shomrei Torah umitzvos, Torah observant Jews. If their children will be taught in Yiddish, which is a strange language to them, they may develop distaste to everything they learn. This will affect them in the future development of their personal Yiddishkeit (Judaism). It is appropriate to speak to them in Yiddish during their playtime, recess, breaks, or when telling them a story as this will help expand their familiarity with the language; however, not when teaching them formal Yiddishkeit subjects.

Issue:

The nervous strain and stress with tension that comes from working at Lubavitch House and in Jewish education.

The Rebbe’s Response:

Why should there be nervous strain and stress from the worries of this position? The worries are not on the person’s shoulders; they belong to Hashem. They are His worries! He has given the person a chelek (share) in what is a tremendous zechus (merit) that is really a tremendous zechus for the person himself. Halevie (if only) others would also have the same zechus!

Issue:

To what extent should school curriculum be determined by the feelings and whims of parents? The school usually follows the curriculum issued by Merkos, but how much of it should be adapted according to the local situation, including parent needs and demands?

The Rebbe’s Response:

The Merkos curriculum is prepared for the United States. It should be adapted or revised to suit local conditions. It should take into account children’s needs and their inclinations, etc.

Issue:

(Note: The following issue is worded exactly as written by Rev. A. D. Sufrin, and is a copy of the exact language he handed in to the Rebbe upon entering for his yechidus. The Tzach Minyan referred to was the Lubavitch House Youth Minyan in Stamford Hill, London, UK. The Talmud Torah refers to the after-school Judaic program run at the Lubavitch House. The School, Tzach Minyan, and the Talmud Torah were all run under the direction of Rev. A. D. Sufrin in his capacity as Director of Education and shliach (emissary) as well as member of the hanhallah (board) of the Lubavitch House in the United Kingdom.)

Issue:

On Friday evenings between mincha and maariv (afternoon and evening prayers), I usually give a shiur (lecture) on Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (Jewish law) to the younger members of the Tzach Minyan. However, as most of the boys learn dinim (laws) in the Talmud Torah and some of the others learn at other times, I have been wondering whether it would perhaps be an idea to learn chassidus instead . . . if so, what type of chassidus to choose for this purpose, as their knowledge is not good in this subject.

The Rebbe’s Response:

Continue to learn with them dinim and then include chassidus. A possible model to use is fifteen minutes of dinim as a shiur in lecture format. Then tell them to do chazarah (review). This should then be followed by fifteen minutes of chassidus. It is advisable to begin with excerpts from Likkutei Dibburim (Memoirs of the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe).

-Yechidus, 20 Adar Sheni 5725

To receive letters and inspiring stories from the Avner Institute, email Rebbebook@gmail.com

Related Articles

10 Comments

  • More about Yiddish....

    The Following from the Igros of the Rebbe:

    Igros Kodesh Vol 15 pg 84:

    Greetings and Blessings!

    After a long interruption, both your letters were received with the attached. The Pidyon will be read at the Tzion of the Rebbe my father-in-law. The interruption in your correspondence until now is surprising as is the omission in your letter about fixed times to learn chassidus – both by yourself and with others.

    With regard to your question as to which language you should use in learning with the Bochurim and students:

    Since it is necessary to inform them of G-d’s Mitzvos and prohibitions on a practical level, it is understood that there is no time to wait in these studies until the students will understand a language other than the one to which they are accustomed. Therefore it is necessary for you to teach them in the language that they currently understand and to utilize all the time at your disposal to mentor them; not to teach them a language but rather to imbue them with a spirit of Yiras Shamayim, love of Hashem and love of Torah…
    Igros Kodesh Vol 15 pg 128:

    Greetings and Blessings!

    After a long interruption, your letter of Erev Shabbos was received with the attached and with your question as to whether you should be particular that the study with your child should be specifically in Yiddish and not in English.

    Since you and your wife both know Yiddish, and the school hours are extremely limited as is customary in this country, it would be appropriate that getting your son accustomed to speak and understand Yiddish should be the project of you and your wife. In Cheder, until he will be used to speaking Yiddish, he should learn in the language to which he is accustomed in order to acquire more knowledge.

  • mn

    Should have read this when my boys were younger. There needsto be more options in Crown Heights for young boys who do not speak Yiddish at home.

  • Ahavas Yisroel coneged kulam

    well I can tell you one thing. my friend was at a shiva recently and someone whose 2 children were in class with kids who pulled them into activities which are not leading to positive yiddishkeit was there. A teacher from our shechuna was there, and this mother introduced herself, saying that she was the mother of these 2 kids who had had the teacher for the two children. The teacher was almost blatantly “uninterested” in a way which showed her disappproval of these children. This mother was very hurt and insulted and worst of all, she said she was disgusted that this is a teacher representing the Rebbe. This is above all……we must have ahavas yisroel. If we don’t know how, we can call a Rav or a Mashpia, but NO BLAME or SHAME.
    This will not help ANYONE. It is outdated and unhelpful, negative and not Ahsvas Yisroel

  • More On Yiddish 2

    A Yechidus with Senator Frank Lautenberg…

    [The Rebbe had asked Mr Frank Lautenberg to put on Teffilin. Someone asks: Does he not have to learn the brochos or the language, to read Hebrew?] the Rebbe responds: You can do all these thing in English, [Someone asks: All this in English? and the Rebbe responds: in English!, and then the Rebbe continues]:
    Every boy or girl that is approaching, and does not understand Hebrew or Yiddish, should do all these things in English, it is a pity on the time loss, I am not for …. the Yeshivos who are very enthusiastic about forcing the people to teach all subjects in Yiddish, Gemara etc, I am not enthusiastic about it, we are spending a lot of time to learn a new language and after they have learned it, they have a language barrier, they cannot speak fluently, then are thinking in English, and it is a pity on the time Loss, as I said before “the building is burning!” it is not a normal time! and to say it a good way, it is a computer era, a computer must have the results in one second and because of that you [referring to Mr. Lautenberg who was a pioneer in the computer industry] are paid a million for this computer or 2 million, I don’t know exactly, this is your [again referring to Mr. Lautenberg] department….