Families Inspired and Uplifted at California Retreat

This summer 40 of the Rebbe’s shluchim and shluchos gathered at the Town & Country Resort in S. Diego, California for the beginning of three days of inspiration, learning, and networking. The all-expenses-paid retreat was hosted by Yaldei Shluchei HaRebbe, Merkos L’Inyonei Chinuch Suite 302’s organization providing for shluchim with children with special needs.

“Yaldei is incredibly important to us,” said M.L., an American shliach whose daughter has Down syndrome. “Every shliach exists as an island, alone in his community, having a child with special needs only adds to that feeling of isolation. Shluchim worldwide lean on each other’s shoulders through the Shluchim Exchange, email, and the Kinus, so it’s wonderful to have a mosad that allows us to do the same. Like other shluchim, we spend our days serving our communities, rarely thinking of ourselves. Yaldei focuses on our very unique needs, which is truly invaluable.”

This retreat, the fifth to be organized by Yaldei, offered something different for attendees by focusing not only on the needs of the child with special needs but also those of the parents and siblings. “We at Yaldei recognize that disability affects the entire family,” said Rabbi Sholly Weiser, Yaldei administrator and coordinator. “So we decided to make this event with the entire family in mind.”

After check-in, where each couple received a gift bag (including a Wig grip generously donated to each shlucha by Milano Collection Wigs) and a sumptuous dinner, everyone embarked on a cruise and watched the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. “The cruise was lovely,” said M.L.’s wife, C.L. “It really gave us a chance to get to know each other and just talk, while in a beautiful setting. The organizers managed to strike a balance between pampering us and providing toichen’dike, valuable information throughout the program.”

The next morning, after mikvah at Chabad of Poway, the shluchim and shluchos were treated to an inspiring Chassidus shiur from Rabbi Reuven Wolf. Post-shacharis and breakfast, attendees gathered to hear from Rabbi Avrohom  and Mrs. Goldie Plotkin, shluchim to Markham, Ontario, Canada, about the “Five Languages of Love” for families with special children.

Rabbi Plotkin shared a story about his son, Zalmy: “My son’s greatest joy in life is to go to a certain fast-food restaurant’s play area. They have slides, climbing structures, ball pits, and more–pretty much everything a kid could love. When I went with him, he’d go in with the nanny, and I would wait outside in the car, as I didn’t want anyone to see me going inside.

“One particular day, a child of mine had just been married and the entire family was rushing off to sheva brochos. After I had set off, I realized that in all the rush, I’d forgotten not only my phone, but also to tell the nanny to bring Zalmy back from the play area to the sheva brochos. I had to go get him, but I had no way of contacting the nanny.

“I looked through the window and planned a mad dash inside, hoping against all hope that nobody would see me. Of course, as soon as I opened the door, I heard a woman cry out ‘Rabbi Plotkin!’

“As my mind raced, hoping I hadn’t ruined my reputation by being seen in a treife restaurant, I turned and saw the woman sitting at a table. I hadn’t seen her in years, and needless to say this wasn’t at the top of my list of places to see her again!

“I approached her and saw that she was crying. She told me that she was at a very low point in her life, engaged to a non-Jewish man, and unsure about what steps to take in life. She had asked her mother in Heaven to show her a sign that she should stick with Judaism. Seconds later, I walked in.

“After that, her spark was reignited. She started coming to events, and is now happily a member of the congregation. All this was due to Zalmy! He ended up being the shliach that reunited this woman with her Judaism. After that incident, though, Zalmy decided not to go back to the restaurant. He’s found other places to have fun!

Even though many of our kids have to go to public school to receive appropriate education, we should always remember that they are shluchim just like their siblings, just like us. They are an integral part of our shlichus and they guide us to people we would have otherwise never encountered.”

After lunch, the shluchim and shluchos split up for support groups, with Rabbis Avrohom Plotkin and Mendel Lipskier leading the men’s group and Rebbetzin Goldie Plotkin leading the women. Each group spoke about their challenges and triumphs, offering each other spiritual and practical advice, before writing and signing a pa”n on behalf of shluchim worldwide.

“Every family here is different,” said C.L. “Everyone comes with their own pain and pekel, but you end feeling like you’re no longer alone. My husband and I each came out of the groups surprised not only by what we gained but by what we were able to offer. There’s a lot of knowledge needed to raise a child with special needs…. There’s services, therapies, programs, insurance, and more. Everyone, including us, had something to offer. It was incredibly empowering.”

Rabbi Mendel Samuels then spoke to the entire group on bridging the gap between disability and shlichus. “He was a real highlight,” said C.L. “He spoke about his personal challenges on shlichus and how he connects to Hashem and the Rebbe. Although there was intense pain in his speech, he managed to be incredibly funny, as well. At times, I couldn’t tell if the tears in my eyes were from laughter or sadness. He managed to be inspiring and uplifting, all the while being genuine and emotional.”

The group then gathered for a session of art therapy, and then dinner before an evening of socializing and networking. The next day, following shacharis and breakfast, Rabbi Danny Yiftach-Hashem closed out the event with inspirational remarks.

To attendees, the retreat was invaluable. “I wanted to once again thank you for a very special few days,” commented one shliach. “ It was evident in all the many thoughtful details that hours and hours of hard work were put into making it happen. From the welcome bags at arrival to Danny’s closing remarks, it was an incredible and memorable experience in so many ways. Thank you for including us!”

Another shlucha wrote the following a week after: “After we came back my brother in law told my husband, ‘You look really good, really relaxed; that retreat did you good!’ I’ll second that! We also were able to look at our other children to see how we can help them and support them in this journey.”

A shliach in California shared his experience via email, saying, “It’s so easy for us to fall through the cracks. We’re meant to be the strong ones in our communities, completely selfless. We don’t share our burdens or worries with the communities because we need to be there for them. Yaldei is there for us, and we can’t thank you enough. Every shliach should be aware that this program exists.”

“My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed the retreat,” wrote another participant. “For the first time since our son was born five years ago, we felt at home amongst our own. We met people who struggle with the same hardships as we do on a daily basis and were able to receive, as well as provide each other with, support. Thanks for this gift. We will cherish the times we had.”

“One session about the siblings of children with special needs stood out to me,” wrote a shlucha. “We were able to learn how to prevent our other children from being overlooked and giving them as normal a life as possible. It was wonderful to see Sholly and Gershon so available to talk privately to each couple…. My husband and I were truly impressed with their advice and how caring they were.”

Yaldei Shluchei HaRebbe was founded by Lubavitchers from all walks of life to provide vital assistance to shluchim with children with special needs, ranging from financial help with therapy and insurance to family and sibling support groups, summer programs, counseling, and halachic advice. The mosad is overseen by a board consisting of Gershon Sabol of Monsey, Chesky Malamud of Crown Heights, and Rabbi Yisroel Wilhelm of Boulder, Colorado. Day-to-day operations are overseen by the directors, Sholly Weiser and Dovid Leib Shur.

“The support shluchim receive from Yaldei is invaluable,” explains Rabbi Moshe Kotlarsky, vice chairman of Merkos L’Inyonei Chinuch. “Events like this retreat offer shluchim faced with the unique circumstance of raising a child with special needs the koach they need to continue carrying out the Rebbe’s mission in their corners of the world. The importance of this organization and its far-reaching impact cannot be overlooked.”

Yaldei would like to thank every one of the generous sponsors who make events like these possible, as well as Dovid Leib Shur, without whose diligence and commitment to fundraising the organization would not be able to continue.

Please click here to support Yaldei Shluchei HaRebbe.