INBOX: Dear Terrell Harper, Protest Planner Extraordinaire

Dear Terrell Harper,
Protest Planner Extraordinaire,

Well, well, well—where do I begin? I simply must shower you with gratitude for your oh-so-brilliant protest “Run it Back Crown Heights”. Your grand plan to storm 770 Eastern Parkway with your anti-Semitic rhetoric this time using Zionism as an excuse was, dare I say, a gift we didn’t know we needed. Since you didn’t quite make it to our neighborhood, allow me to paint a picture of the spectacular party you missed, all thanks to your efforts.

Your little rally idea dragged the entire Crown Heights community out to 770, Jews from every corner of New York, from all walks of life, showed up in droves. Oh, and those Caribbean neighbors you were banking on to join your chant? They were right there with us, cheering for our side. Even the ultra-Orthodox folks from Williamsburg—yep, the ones you love parading with—decided our team was the one to back. Picture this: cars cruising by, blasting gorgeous music, turning the streets into a full-on festival. Smiles, laughter, and a vibe so joyful it was practically a block party. Your protest? It was the invitation to the best unintended bash Crown Heights has seen in ages.

Here’s the kicker: your attempt to wreck our community backfired so gloriously that we’re still buzzing. You forced us to flex our unity, flaunt the love from our neighbors, and take a good, hard look at the support we’ve got. And let’s not forget our heroes, the NYPD—the same ones you so charmingly call pigs. They swooped in, shut down your march, and showed the world that your cause is nothing but hot air with a megaphone. We owe you big time for reminding us how lucky we are to have them watching our backs.

So, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you for being the spark that lit up our community’s strength. You wanted to divide us, but you handed us a victory lap instead. Better luck next time—if there is one.

Sarcastically yours,
The Crown Heights Community