Op-Ed: Unprofessional Resume Photos Ruining Shidduchim? Completely Uncalled For and Not Appropriate
Dear Mendel Myers (and while we’re at it, everyone else who thinks that girls photos are ruining their chance at being fortunate enough to be taken out to a hotel lobby by a bochur),
To publish such an *opinion* takes real guts! So firstly we would like to thank you. Thank you, for shedding some light on the much spoken about shidduch crisis. Thank you for giving us something to passionately write about while sitting on the couch for the 13th hour of today.
You raise a fair point, why should a boy who has spent his past 23 years learning in yeshivah, has worked on himself to have stellar middos (read is completely not self-aware,) uses beard product weekly (there was an ad for it in the n’shei Chabad) and makes sure that his appearance is attractive (just got blundstones and wears pants a bit tighter than what his mother is happy with,) go out with a girl who is amazing and has the long list of stellar qualities he is looking for in a partner and wife if her photo is not beautiful (or in your words she does not look like a yefas toar?)
He does deserve (he looks like Brad Pitt if you imagine him without a beard and close your eyes) to go out with a gorgeous skinny girl that him and his mother deem fit. (After all he’s going to be sending around his ohel picture and his friends will be rating her.)
It is so integral that we keep focusing on girls’ appearances and add pressure to them, blaming their un-date-ability, on their looks, because this will morph them into healthy confident women and mothers who are focused on things far more important than the gashmiusdikeh matters.
Shidduchim aren’t easy, and we know Hashem plays the biggest role in this.
It seems you think that it must be his desire for girls to share pretty photos to make boys want to go out with them which will in turn will convince both parties to get married. (Wasn’t it just yesterday that Chabad didn’t share photos at all before going out.)
You’re offering photos to the girls, however I can’t help but feel bad (being the sensitive future eishes chayil that I am) that you’re making the boys feel left out. It’s like you’re being sexist but towards men (if that’s a thing.) I wonder, are boys being rejected by girls because their photos are not professionally taken? Perhaps not. Maybe the boys are at an advantage here because there are a shocking number of girls that have personalities and qualities that way surpass the boys “on the market.” Perhaps boys have such a variety to choose from and so why not fix up a few photos and add some more?
Perhaps, or perhaps not… to be fair, we’ve never heard this exact point of view on a public forum like this before. Maybe because of your initiative there will be lots more weddings to photograph!
While we’re at it, because I am a girl of marriageable age, or as some would say “in the parshah” (give me a minute while I puke) I’m wondering if you offer face tuning or editing for the photos as well. I’m just not sure that my photo looks like Kendall Jenner’s recent headshot that was taken and edited for Vogue. I wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity to go out with a boy I’ve been redt to because of that.
With all said and done, this is such a beautiful initiative. Thank you for looking out for us singles and doing so while supporting a Moised. It feels like we won the lottery. The only problem is I like Devorah Benjamin and admire all of the work that she does. For some reason I don’t want to associate this idea with Devorah, so for that reason, even though I believe that many yefas toers will jump at the offer, I’m out.
