In shul the other day, a friend approached me about a mutual acquaintance - an intelligent and good-natured young man who had visibly left the folds of our community.
Op-Ed: Unboxing the Other
In shul the other day, a friend approached me about a mutual acquaintance – an intelligent and good-natured young man who had visibly left the folds of our community.
“Tell me,” I was was asked, “what happened? He seemed like such a good boy! Is his family normal? Are his parents divorced? Is he on drugs? Was he abused? Why did he leave?”
Many a reader will be quick to point out the impropriety of the questions. Beyond the various implications of loshon hara, however, there is an equally troubling undercurrent– one that is eating away at the very heart of our community.
You see, while I don’t agree with the actions of this young man, I also understand that the totality of his experience is one beyond a simply defined problem. By boxing in this young man’s actions, the well-meaning questioner had not brought a salve to his spiritual wounds. Rather, he engaged in an exercise of selfishness. By viewing the young man as having fallen prey to an easily defined “problem,” the questioner has only dealt with his own cognitive dissonance.
Today we live in a fractured community. Beyond major political issues at the top, we’re suffering from a general splintering, affecting every member of the community. Today, many individuals have created their own sub-communities here in Crown Heights. Shuls, each one built around a class, a common theme – or the absence of one – have taken the place of a larger community infrastructure. In and of itself, these new communities can be quite positive. For the first time, people are attending shul with new excitement; friends are coming together for the sake of spiritual growth.
And yet it seems, we have lost the forest for the trees. For by creating these new communities, we have created a means to falsely identify one another.
“Oh,” we can say, “so-and-so trims his beard? What do you expect – he comes from this group.”
“So-and-so is aloof, looks askance at others here in our community? What do you want? He’s a member of such-and-such.”
Forming such tribes allows for false identifications and gross oversimplification of complex issues– such as the roots of a young man leaving the community.
Further, by sub-dividing ourselves in an attempt to better identify who we are, we forget our commonality. We forget that we are all brothers and sisters, members of klal yisroel– and chasidim of our Rebbe.
By filing others away so neatly, we’re able to wash our hands of ‘the other.’ Why make ourselves uncomfortable by dealing with what we find unfitting, if we can easily view it as merely another demographic? Frayak, Farmer, Zealot . . . the list have how we view “the other” goes on.
Though it may sound trite, I can find no better answer than a call for us to come together as individuals. If we focus on our relationships with one another – then we’ll be able to grow as whole.
The time has come that we forge new bonds of friendship. We need to view others as individuals – not categorize them by superficial identifying markers – strengthen each other in our Avodas Hashem.
Then, instead of seeing a person’s social, spiritual or financial plight as a threat that must be explained away, we can see the G-dly spark within and bond that we share.
Perhaps, then, if each one of us reaches out to someone else– if we help one another– be it b’gashmius or b’ruchinius– we can grow together.
Yehoshua Werde is the Founder of the Besht Center and director of the Torah Learning Project.
tired old lady
YAWN. Nothing changes. All these Op-Ed’s are very nice & often on the money but they’re all talk.
Mr./Rabbi Werde (so nice you are man enough to sign your name…it makes a change!) what are YOU doing to make a difference? Did you invite a disenfranchised youth to your table for Shabbos? Volunteer to take an orphan to Shul? “Adopt” a lonely senior citizen? Tutor (no charge!) someone who is falling behind in school?
I’m not putting you down, honestly, but I’m so sick & tired of reading the same basic thing week after week. I want to see ACTION, not pretty words all “boxed” up with a garish bow. Perhaps if the other well-intentioned authors would identify themselves you could all get together, talk some more, drink a few beers & talk again about how to change the world we live in.
#1
he has done some action by writing this.
also, he has done and still does allot of action.
not to be too rude but even if he has done nothing but write, you are not any different then him as you to only write what you want.
i must also say that i understand your frustration, its a hard time and so many people are just talk, but i do know he is a good man and helps many people.
shaine article
Very nice point of view. And yet, i think, putting each other in file cabinets is a very mean thing. But some people are doing it just to protect themselves and their familys.
When you are on shlichus and your child asks you, “Mommy, why can they have a TV at home and we cannot?”It’s a very easy response, “we are the shluchim, these people are not yet frum so they don’t act exactly like us”. Whan your child in CH asks you the same question regarding Lubavitchers R”L, what should the reply be? It’s a bit hard for a child to see friends who are lubavitch and who are going against something the Lubavitcher Rebbe campaigned against, so tell me, rabbi werde, are some of us maybe a little bit different than each other? How can i protect my children from fraiyeh influences, effecting my children from their very dear Lubavitcher classmates? I think there is a difference. The people who are not being so careful about these things, they should grow,. Why do all the complaints have to go on the chassidishe paople???
Dovid
to #1 you obviously didn’t read the signature at the bottom, he does tons to help the crown heights community and is a great guy!
Moshiach now!
the op-eds are very important. Lately they are many and maybe they will make a difference.
He said all truth!
The only problem is that nobody care for the other ones problem, with few exceptions.
The Rebbe is missing! There is no guidelines.
The schools try to input hishkashrus in children but the reality they live daily is different.
Moshiach now!
Not a yente
Dear Tired Old Lady,
I actually know Rabbi Werde, (and yes he is a Rabbi, and a caring one at that).
Rabbi Werde is moiser nefesh to make sure our yungerleit don’t go off or lose interest.
He made a shul that caters to the young crowd where they can come to shul and actually daven and participate in shiurim, stimulating lectures and etc. throughout the week.
Mendel (responding to 1 )
Yes Rabbi Werde is very involved with the youth in and out of our community… and doing a great job at it.
Next time before posting a comment… do a simple google search on Torah Outreach Project or the Besht center… or ask a friend (with comments like these… I’m sure you have many)
Sruly Clapman
There is nobody in the community like Rabbi Werdy, he gives his life to help spiritual growth in the the community, and abroad.
Bentzion Elisha
Yasher Koach!
Grateful Parents
I know it is a mitzvah to write a sefer torah but the next time a family wants to dedicate a sefer torah- hopefully only for a simcha, they should consider donating money to places like JETS. Without young men coming to shul, there will be no need for Sifrei Torah. A shul needs 2 or 3 not more.
Dovid Mayteles
To # 1, firstly, I totally understand your frustration; however, be very careful before you challenge someone in public without even doing the slightest research.
You write that “I’m not putting you down” while in essence that’s what you did with your comment.
You write that “I want to see ACTION” while the person you mistakenly challenged IS a man of action!!! May I challenge you and ask what have you done for the community other than writing your “inspiring” comment?
Rabbi Worde (yes, RABBI) is someone that does so much for this community. I see him as one of the Shluchim to Crown Heights! He truly cares and looks out for those that are struggling, in whatever it might be.
He founded the Torah Learning Project and The Besht. Often, when I have to stop by the Besht for one reason or another, I find Rabbi Worde on his phone talking with one person or another, offering advice, sharing a D’var torah, or just giving a listening ear.
The Besht and the Torah Learning Project offer a beautiful Shul to Daven in, Shiurim, lectures, farbrengens, Chavrusah sushi, one on one learning etc.
May we all merit to do our own personal Shlichus!!! Moshiach Now!!!
Very well said
Still I think that the splintering off into groups is a good thing. as you yourself point out in the article. There can be and there should be ways of connecting and bringing together the various groups from time to time.
Your other issue of disconnected young fellows. Well that is another issue all together. I don’t know if one issue is connected to the other issue.
One thing I am sure about. A shabbos tish that is filled with divrei Torah and niggunim will have a strong effect on the chinuch of your children. But a Shabbos tish of a lazy father and full of loshan hora about the latest din Torah taking place in Crown Heights will be a disaster for the chinuch of your children.
YOU ARE SO WRONG #1
Rabbi Werde is actually working very hard to make a difference, especially for those who might not be considered mainstream.
He is writing about something he has first hand knowledge of and deals with constantly.
Lets consider the message on its’ merits, without shooting the messenger.
Keep up the good work Rabbi Werde!!!
Rabbi Werde is doing the Rebbe’s shlichus here in Crown Hts.
He is paying attention to a situation that is ignored and doing something about it. He certainly knows whereof he speaks.
He and his family should be bentched w/gezunt,parnoso and nachas for all that he does.
perfectly written!!
GREAT ARTICLE!!! RIGHT ON THE MONEY!
KOL HAKAVOD RABBI WERDE!!!
Someone who knows...
Rabbi Werde is the real deal. He practices what he preaches. He reached out to my son in a time of need, when no one else did, and, BH, there have been positive results because of his efforts and care.
A Secret Admirer
If the author of comment #1 is a descent individual, he/she will apologize for the negative, ignorant and uninformed comment. RABBI Werde is a wonderful, emmese chossid, whose ACTIONS within the community speak far louder than this excellent article! Keep up the great work Rabbi Werde, Crown Heights is much better off with you doing what you do!
ct crew
Rabbi Werde rocks the house!!!!!
To Number Two
To number two:
If you dont know what to tell your children when they ask you about why a child in their class is different than they are, you really need to look deep into yourself and ask the same question. Not everyone in this community is the same, and it is not giving your kid a “bad lesson” to tell him that they are different. So what if they have a TV, so what if the mom does not cover her hair, and so what if they are not keeping Shabbat. If you are not trying to “ help” them, then stay out of it. Just like if a child asks his mom, why dont they have a TV in their house and she can answer him by saying that they are different, you can do the same thing. Essentially what you are teaching your child is that if people are different, they are bad, wrong, mean. If a family consists of ten children, are they all going to be the same? I highly doubt it. What will you tell a child if one his siblings is doing something that is not the “ norm”, that he is a bad person?
If you want Crown Heights to be just like Williamsburg, Boro Park, Mea Shearim, then please continue on this path of not “knowing what to tell your poor innocent child when they have a question.”
Seriously, start worrying about more important things in life.