Op-Ed: He Said No to Me; I Was So Proud
It was 8:55 last Tuesday morning and the bus was late. We’d been waiting impatiently outside since 8:20 and when I was sure the bus was not going to show I decided to drive my boys to school. As we approached the car I told my sons that since we have three available seats in the car, they may offer a ride to three other boys who were still waiting.
My son walked over to his fellow students and asked if anyone wanted a ride. He received a few nos, until one boy quickly claimed a seat. Following suit, another boy named Levi asked, “Can I come with you too?” “Sure,” I replied. “Hop right in.” He then said, “I must ask my mother first. Can I call her?” “That’s a great idea,” I said, “but I don’t have my phone on me.” (All I had taken downstairs were my keys.)
Then I did everything wrong. I say wrong because I know the rules of safety. I constantly review them with my children; Safety Kid is an honorary member in our house! I should have told the boy, “You are right. I am so proud of you that you are not changing your plan without asking your mother first.” Instead I said, “You’re right, but if you want to come I’m leaving now. I further pointed out to him, (much to my dismay as I thought about it later), “I know your mother, she’s Miriam, and she’s even my cousin (which is true). I’m just going to school and there are other boys in the car. It’s your choice.” I could see his mind wrestling with the decision: to ride or not to ride? To stand and wait or take the easy way?
He chose to wait. I told him how proud I was of him and drove to school. On the way, I discussed with the kids how Levi was correct for not changing his plan without first informing his parent(s), and how I probably really shouldn’t have offered the ride to anyone.
That day I made a point of meeting Levi’s mother and relating the story. She said it was not the first time it happened with her son and she credits Safety Kid for the lesson. Boruch Hashem, Levi is one of many who listened and learned.
I recently heard that the Safety Kid committee is hard at work to bring this wonderful and essential program into our schools again. It is so important that our children are aware of how to keep themselves safe and for these discussions to be part of their daily repertoire. Furthermore, as parents, we too can always use a reminder. I will definitely be looking out for the upcoming workshops that Safety Kid has in store for our community.
SEREL CHANA MANESS
THAT’STRUE,BUT SURELY IF YOU WERE HIS COUISIN,HE WOULD THINK IT’S OK,,YOUR A WOMAN,EVERYONE HAS THERE OWN VIEWS
Citizen Berel
Safety Kid for special kids.
“On the way, I discussed with the kids how Levi was correct for not changing his plan without first informing his parent(s), and how I probably really shouldn’t have offered the ride to anyone.”
That is correct. Never ever offer rides to your child’s friends. Especially when it’s really cold. Cause then it is much more special.
Milhouse
This is not safety, it’s paranoia. You are not a stranger to him. If you’re his cousin he probably knows you, and should trust you. Even if he doesn’t know you, he knows your son, and that you’re his mother; he should trust his classmates’ parents. He shouldn’t be afraid to get in your car, with your sons and his other schoolmate.
Nonetheless, it’s good that he wanted to call his mother and let her know about the change of plans, not because of safety, but so that she should know where he is in case anything happens to alarm her. E.g. what if she hears that the bus didn’t show up, and comes to the bus stop to give him a ride, and sees that he’s not there? Or what if, ch”v, something happened to the bus, and she panics because she thinks he was on it, when all along he was safe with you? For her peace of mind, if nothing else, it would be good to let her know what’s happening, and he’s a good son to be careful about that.
Leah Katz
Just to clarify, I am his mother’s second cousin and the boy had no idea. He just knew I was my son’s parent.
Milhouse
That should be enough for him to trust you. People are raising their children to be paranoid. The streets are no more dangerous now than they were 30-40-50 years ago when our parents let us play outside on our own. People think it’s more dangerous now, but it’s not, it’s actually safer. We just hear more about crime than our parents did, because there’s more reporting and we pay more attention. That, and people nowadays are just more afraid, and they teach that fear to their children, which is terrible.
Children need to have a sense of confidence in the basic benevolence of the world. And especially religious children need to have a sense that Hashem is looking after us, so we shouldn’t be afraid of anything, but we also shouldn’t expect Hashem to do special miracles for us so we shouldn’t do stupid things like cross the road without looking. But they need to know that if we take normal precautions we are basically safe, and we should not go crazy over the small chance that something bad will happen despite our care.
To #4
Yup & that was enuf!
To number 3..
To number 3: Are you crazy? Just because it’s your classmates parents you should get into the car? How many of my grademates parents are molestors? Too many to count. Never take a chance. Ever.
Anonymous
Paranoid much.
to #3
hate to break it to u but…
This world is not so safe anymore as you say. Unfortunately many times the people we trust most are the ones that we need to be careful around the most. I’m glad kids are being taught to be safe and not trust every person that says I know you and you can come with me. The streets are very dangerous and not everyone can be trusted.
Better safe than sorry!
Milhouse
The world is far safer than it was 30, 40, and 50 years ago.
leah katz's cousin
That;s my boy! But credit truly goes to the wonderful group of Crown Heights women that worked on bringing Safety KId to our community! Leah Katz (pen name ) is one of them and I must applaud her and the others! I would hate to think about a similar scene with different (shady) characters that could have taken place 3 years ago. My children surely would have gone with the flow and gotten a fast ride to school!
To Millhouse
You are way off. WAY off! No, children should NOT get into cars of people who SAY they are a cousin ,etc. If the boy did not know that so-called cousin, which it turns out he did not, then he absolutely should not have gotten in. These are habits children NEED to be taught. We are responsible for teaching them when situations can be potentially harmful. Have you forgotten a not-too-distant horrible situation when, nidohgedacht, a child was fatally effected? Are you a parent or childcare worker? Do not teach any child of mine what you seem to suggest! There is a difference between a benevolent world and a realistic understanding based on real situations and outcomes. We need to balance the two with intelligent, responsible guidance!
Milhouse
Even if he didn’t know she was his cousin, he knew she was the mother of his classmate, To bring children up not to trust their friends’ parents is insane, and it creates paranoid insecure children who see the whole world as a hostile place.
Millhouse....
Oy! This is not paranoia, to teach children appropriate behavior when they are outside and not with adults they know! And I do not agree that it is as safe now as it use to be. There is much more crime, abuse, abduction, and worse. If you did a study, I think you would find that to be true, regardless of there being more available media now. Sometimes I think your comments show a lack of awareness of the world as it has changed in some ways. On the other hand, I like your desire to represent the notion of being protected by Hashem and a benevolence in the world. I just think there has to be some balance, so that while we are experiencing that benevolence we still understand that there are at times other realities in our midst. Better to do that than to harm or lose a child because we avoided the issue.
Milhouse
You are wrong. There is much less crime now than there was in the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s. Much much less.
oh oh oh
chikn HAHAHAHAH UM WHATS THE JOKE ?OH HAHAHA THAT WAS FUNNY
CH'er
very interesting scenario,
may I start by saying, after the fact its always easier to say you should of could of etc,,,
but we learn how to handle this for the future events, especially coming up to the winter months, being cold outside, having the kids wait for a bus or no bus…..
just a twist, the child cousin or no he was doing what his parent taught him and kudos to him, i respect that, even if he was wrong he did what he was tought to do,
as far as the mother there picking up the kids.
I would assume that the bus stop isnt far from the home, thus, go home a min make a call and walla,, take the kids to school.
if not, there are many ppl coming and going ask one to make a call.. a passby’er a store etc..
the mom the adult should of taking things more responsible and not leave one or two kids alone in the street waiting,,,
hope this will be a learning experience for “the next time thingy”
be safe out there,
Safety First
Unfortunately in this day and age I tell my kids don’t even go with a relative or close friend unless you have my permission.
http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/news/local_news/cleveland_metro/family-friend-kidnapping-suspect-ariel-castro-was-friends-with-gina-dejesus-father-helped-search
To Milhouse
You’re an idiot! Just because the crime rates went down since the ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t protect our children! Don’t you remember what happened to Leiby Kletzky HY”D?? And there are so many stories of people being molested etc. by people who they though they could trust! I think Safety Kid is an amazing program! Keep it up
Citizen Berel
Mr. Milhouse isn’t a an idiot he just has a funny name.
It’s seems that he has an issue with that kids should trust nobody cause they can’t trust everybody what is a valid concern whether or not you think that’s a grand idea or necessary evil or evil necessarily.
But I get your point it is !!!!! because … Leiby Klezky!!!!!
Milhouse
Crime rates are lower than they were when we were children, and our parents let us play outside alone, and develop the confidence to deal with the world in a sane way. They did so despite the fact that there were occasional incidents, like Kletzky or worse. What has changed since then? The world is not more dangerous, it’s safer, so we should be more willing to let our children be children than our parents were. And yet people are paranoid and are raising a generation of paranoid and neurotic children.
To Millhouse-
You are not getting it. You are stuck in your own thoughts to the point of scary, because if a child were under your care, they would not necessarily make a safe choice. There are some circumstances wherein it is only wise, not paranoid, to be aware of certain scenarios. A child on his/her own amidst one or more unfamiliar adults needs to understand that this is not necessarily a free-reign situation. That child should have been educated as to when, or more importantly with whom, they can freely respond to any kind of invitation. That might be food, a ride, a personal question, a request for a favor, whatever. If a child is in doubt, he should have been instructed to respond on the side of caution. That is responsible parenting. Now, if the parent delivers such messages with negative talk, that’s another issue. A good parent would not address the issue in a way that sounds fearful, scary, or paranoid. There’s a healthy way to parent. Millhouse seems to assume that it’s got to be taught in a way that results in the child being paranoid, etc. Millhouse does not sound like he’s up on more subtle or sensitive aspects of communication.