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Op-Ed: “An Open Letter”

Illustration Photo

To the woman who I met a few days ago on Eastern Parkway, a good ten-minute walk from Crown Heights, where you live:

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. It was an absolute pleasure meeting you. While I was on my cell phone busy dealing with issues you only hear about on the news, while simultaneously trying to walk my baby to sleep in her stroller, you had the consideration and the time to stop me and have a little chat.

“Excuse me, do you live in Crown Heights?” you asked me.
I covered the phone with my hand and said yes. I thought you needed directions.

“You have no business living in Crown Heights dressed like that!” you told me.

“Excuse me?” I was sure I had heard you wrong.

“You don’t belong in Crown Heights dressing like that!” you repeated.

I couldn’t believe my ears. There we were, way past the neighborhood, and yet you took the time out of you very busy schedule to tell me, a complete stranger, what I can and can’t wear.

And yes, perhaps my skirt was a bit short for your taste and my sleeves not quite covering my elbows. But how in the heck is that your business? Am I bothering your eyes? Do I stick out among all the tank tops and shorts that were parading around Eastern Parkway in the very non-Jewish neighborhood that we were in? Was my sheitel too long for you?

And thank you so much for not asking, but let me tell you why I’m in “your neighborhood”. I am here because I am going thru a divorce and am living under someone else’s roof, because I can’t afford rent. That’s why I’m here.

So again, thank you for making my day so much sweeter than it already was. Because all it took was a couple of sentences, and you managed to break my heart just a tiny bit more than it already was.

This article has been revised by the author.

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138 Comments

  • Chaim Yankel

    While I empathize with the women who penned this letter, I don’t think it belongs here. If the message you’re trying to send is for people to be more sensitive, there are better ways to do it.

    Just my .2 cents.

  • Wanda Ring

    Please explain how wearing a short skirt helps alleviate the other difficulties you are dealing with in your life. HaShem should help you in all your endeavors.

  • hell?

    i dont know what hell you went through but many jews went through aushwitz and still kept thier tznius!!!

  • don-t dress the way the Rebbe wouldn-t

    want you to. I am so sick and tired of people crying, “woe to me, that is why I’m not tznius” What has one thing got to do with another.

    This is not a matter of mekaraving people. These people in this neighborhood who dress not tznius DO KNOW BETTER. They were brought up frum with tznius parents. How dare you bombard this once completly tznius neighborhood with all your trash. Go live in a neighborhood where this is acceptable. It was NEVER acceptable in crown heights.

  • a changing world for the better

    I applaud your speaking out. I also wish you all the koach in the world to deal with this test, and I want to thank you for writing to the community. we do need to hear this.
    I myself took a learning lesson about how to speak to ppl who appear to be changing our neighborhood – the Rebbe’s Shchuna.
    I have been quite adamantly standing up for the Rebbe and our neighborhood. As I wrote into the Rebbe via the Igros Kodesh. I received a letter that was clearly directed at “my shlichus.”
    To paraphrase, the Rebbe was thanking me for standing up for Lubavitch, but said that it was not necessary.
    The next letter, spoke about not making a tumult when people are dancing infront of the perochis.
    People, we need to cool off. Times are changing, and guess what, it’s really ok. The Rebbe has left us plenty inheritance – and he is here 24/7.
    We need to prioritize basics – ahavas yisroel: not judging each other, dan l’chaf zchus etc. It goes without saying LH has no place in our midst.
    it is with these things that we will be able to greet the Rebbe with a clear conscience, not other things.
    Like Rabbi Friedman says – care about the person first, collar bone second/knee cap second.

  • say it like it is

    there you go,

    if the story is real, or even if it isn’t, it makes a modest point

  • mendy

    tznius is diff then other mitzvos other mitzvos its not as noticeable if you keep them properly or not but tznius is going in public and showing off to everyone that you dont care about tznius and besides that its wrong for you but it affects other men that are there

  • mendy

    tznius is diff then other mitzvos other mitzvos its not as noticeable if you keep them properly or not but tznius is going in public and showing off to everyone that you dont care about tznius and besides that its wrong for you but it affects other men that are there

  • Andrea Schonberger

    It’s best to ignore people like that. She’s probably an old maid who has nothing better to do except criticize other ladies on their skirt lengths and sheitels. We have to feel sorry for people like that. Good luck in getting on with your life.

  • monkeys babble

    First I am sorry for all that you are going through. Unfortunatly, no on can read minds. As far as this woman goes there are two different directions people can take when they feel its their duty to “tell” others what is wrong (with them) and you can always tell the difference between the sincere ones and the ones that seem holier than thou. I am not going into who is tzinus or not/ not my business. but the sincere person takes someone aside and tells them gently. the others, the holier than thou’s are the ones that are seething with unadulturated jealousy, for the perceived “freedoms” you take and they want. My advise to you is realize the source and let it slide like water off a ducks back. you have enough on your own plate. When your ready to lengthen your skirt you will get there on your own or with help of people who really care about you. Wishing you Mazel and only good.

  • Mushky P

    I thoroughly commend the author of this op-ed for speaking out.
    I’m sure that the woman who verbally attacked her will read this article and not repeat her mistake. If the author is reading my comment, I’d like her to hear this: I’m sorry that you are going through a bitter divorce, I cannot imagine the pain and loneliness that you are feeling, but remember – many of us do not judge our fellow sisters and brothers and we live with open hearts. Perhaps I cannot lessen your hatred for our community, but I hope you get through this hard time here. May Hashem grant you many blessings.

  • Stay Strong.

    Thank you for writing this.

    Don’t give up, don’t let other people’s irrational behavior keep you from staying true to yourself and HaShem. There are more people praying for you than you think.

  • look at yourself!

    dear author,
    u said u r living in crown heights, the Rebbes neighborhood, with your parents…at least show respect for your parents and the Rebbe. cover up!

  • Nechama D.

    I am so sorry that you went thru this ordeal, nobody should make you feel inferior!

    It was really nice meeting you! I am sorry I did not realize that you were not frum and only slowly becoming frum, I thought you were going off the Rebbe’s path.

    Crown Heights IS the place for you! We open our doors to all people with issues! You really do belong here.

    I am sorry for acting so rude, IYH next time I will stop less then 10 minutes away from Crown Heights, I will walk over to you and help you with all your problems.

    If you need longer skirts and cannot afford the cost of more material on the skirt I will be glad to give you money for it.

    Crown Heights is the center of the Jewish world, and you are the center of OUR world!

  • loser

    Dear madam,

    please do not let this loser affect you.
    sorry for the hell that you need to go through

  • Cholere bas Pay Tzaddik

    “Do I stick out among all the tank tops and shorts that were parading around Eastern Parkway in the very non-Jewish neighborhood that we were in?”

    I am just about convinced that this letter is a hoax. In any case, the above shows how low we have sunk.

    What of the women of the older generation, the last survivors of whom are still alive and live in CH, who never knew if their husbands would not be taken away by the NKVD/KGB? Many of them also grew up fatherless because the evil regime took their fathers when they were little girls.

    Did this kvetcher go through more than they did? Did she survive the churban? Was she born in a refugee camp? Does she have or was she treated for yenna machla? Did she lose a child? Women who went through far more have far better attitudes than she does, and they are happy to be alive and in a free country where they can dress as Jewish women should.

    What’s more, she isn’t the only one going through a bitter divorce, and if she were a little nicer she could find support from others and from organizations that help begashmius uberuchnius in such cases.

    If she is real, I think I understand why her husband threw her out. I suspect she wrote a hoax letter, making up a story so that she can defend low standards and tell everyone that we should be so happy we are more tznius than the local non-Jews in the Rebbe’s shechuna.

  • Anonymous

    Wow what a letter but you sound just like my wife. No punt intended but sometimes if you only realized nothing in this world happens for nothing. It could possibly be the lady was not trying to hurt you but was a chosen messenger from Hashem to help better your situation. Remember at the end of the day Hashem will help those in need but they first need to do their part down here which is following the torah & mitzvos and doing good deeds.

    I wish you good luck with everything and hopefully you will come around and realize Hashem does only good to his children.

  • malca b

    to the writr of this letter — i am so sorry your were hurt by the rude comments of a few unthinking people – we do all think as such –

    i can not imagine what your are going thru or how i would deal with the same situation

    if you ever need someone just to listen please email me —

  • I-m crying as i read this letter

    I’m crying as i read this letter – we all know that we are supposed to cover our elbows and our knee’s etc and we also know and are aware that many of us struggle with this aspect. However, saying nasty comments either in front of us or behind our back is NOT going to help. The way to help the situation is by showing us you love and care for us- when we see this we will respect you and look up to you and want to try to be like you! when all we hear and see is negative comments and dirty looks being thrown our way it makes us want to run further away and does not earn our respect for you at all.

  • no one special

    It would seem that the ASSAULT was from someone who has no concept of Ahavas Yisroel. Who has such an oversized ego that forces one to judge someone else & to tell them where they do not belong. If the story is accurately reported, the “ASSAULTER” should seek spiritual & mental-health healing in order to do proper t’shuva. Wonderful way to start Elul.

  • Mrs. Udontdeserve

    Very well written, with dignity and composure.

    Lets say that nasty husband was living in CH
    and that Mrs. Udontdeserve discovered that he was mistreating his wife, would Mrs. Udontdeserve approach him and tell him, “You don’t deserve to live in CH!”? I doubt it.

    If the privilege of living in CH means having neighbors like that, then I gladly forfeit my rights to the privilege.

  • confused

    If you are so sure and convinced that the way you are dressing is OK for you at this stage- then why does it bother you that someone told you off, to the point where you feel the need to post it for the whole Lubavitch to read? Do you need peoples approval for the way you dress or do you just want to have fun by seeing how many comments you can get??

  • Not in my hood!

    Ahhh, so because you are having a hard time in life you should throw away your Chassidishkite and lower the standers of the whole neighborhood? You think you are the only one with problems?
    You remind me of the kid who is sent to the principal’s office and so he throws his yarmulke onto the table, expecting the principle to go easy on him so that he shouldn’t “go off”.
    I have got news for you, you are already off and you are just using your personal issues as an excuse to justify your actions.
    Grow up and move to park slope, you don’t belong in the Rebbe’s Shchuna.

  • Chaim Yankel

    Totally unimpressed by the admin of this site. I write a respectful comment, questioning the necessity of posting this article (while staying sensitive to the writer), and the admin cant own up and post it.

    Its a shame, that “free speech” is censored to such an extent.

  • Question

    I understand she’s been through a lot. My wife and I have also had significant medical struggles (with our four year old) and financial struggles etc. etc. I definitely don’t judge the woman in the article- how she wants to dress is her business, not mine. What I do judge is a website putting out an article that tries to justify reducing tznius and doing less avodas Hashem in the face of hardship and struggle- which is the exact opposite of what our Torah suggests when faced with difficult times.

  • Someone

    If this lady is saying the truth about her divorce i feel so bad for her and shame on those women for bothering her they have no right. People in crown heights need to understand that they are not in charge of other peoples, and if you are trying to do good in the world, they need to learn manners first b/c you are making people HATE crown heights.

  • CHEFKE

    Honetly, its no one elses buisness the way people dress! and shame on CH.info for putting a pic of girls with not tznious skirts on the website!

  • EE

    Good for you!!! Its about time its brought to the attention of these women that are going around telling girls and women how to dress. You dont know where anyone is holding, you deal with your tnius and worry about your self. It never brings any good outcome when you criticize people. And who are you tell tell people how to dress in “your Community” as is written.
    I totally and utterly salute this woman that wrote up this article.
    Enough is enough.

  • Mind your own business

    Beautifully written….

    why does everyone care what everyone else is wearing?

  • an earthquake and tornado in one week!

    dressing like a street walker will not alleviate any of your problems..it would just add on problems to the rest of the neighborhood.

  • average CH resident

    1) I think this letter was written only to see how many comments it can generate.
    2) If this women is having marital problems, it is not an excuse to dress inappropriately.
    3) If this is how she wishes to dress what does she care (as obviously she doesn’t) what other people think
    4)CH is a Lubavitch neighborhood and we do not dress that way. You are right some people do but that is not who we are.
    5)If more people would take objection with the way some people here dress maybe this is the way to stop them. As ignoring it or not saying anything has not helped
    6) in other neighborhoods this type of dress would not be tolerated and she would be asked to leave.
    You could feel bad for her problems but do not say that is the reason you dress untzniusdik.

  • pained

    to #15 if someone hates CH let them leave. We do not want this type of people or people who dress like this here anyway.

  • no one special

    #4 You are obviously too young to remember Crown Heights in the 1950s.

  • Just a thought......

    I believe the Rebbe’s Movement is about being Mikaruv people. If you are a true Lubavitcher and care about other people’s tznius, I am sure there is a better way to get the point across. If you were being Mikaruv a non frum person you would never criticize them, you would offer information about Mitzvos and other ways to be a better jew. Why would you treat a Frum person different. Shluchim deal with this on a daily basis, why have Crown Heighters forgotten how to do Mivtzoim or the most basic Shlichus within their own community?

  • This letter....

    is so false and totally made up. I am surprised that people don’t see that this is a composition based on someones fantasy and imagination.

    Still in all, the point of this post is to request from the readers to be accepting and non judgmental, because we don’t know what the other person is going thru.

    Accepting and non judgmental is not only for someone who is less religious than you. It is also for someone who is less wealthy than you. less yichus than you. less intelligent than you. less connected than you. less sociable than you. less learned than you. etc. etc. etc.

  • Iunderstand but why the self righteousne

    clearly the woman who approached is out of line-and where does that leave you?inappropriate dress in crown heights is offensive to the chassididshe community. out of ahavaas yisroel, the majority bite their lip.but why are you being self righteuous here? I have also gone thru many difficult challenges but I would not be offensive to the parents or community that offewr me refuge and support. outa of respect , either dress inoffensively, even if “that’s not you” or grow up, be adult and find a place where this is acceptable and not offensive-but you can’t have it both ways

  • LIKE NUBER 5

    please try to look at the positives first! try to help the women and explain to her that only good could come out of doing what’s right! Today everyone is facing challenges in there life and we all try to do are best and strive higher!

  • Love your fellow Jew??

    I thought Love Your Fellow Jew meant….to love ALL Jews regardless of what they are wearing. Last I checked it was a free country and Crown Heights isn’t fenced in or a private club. People…look in the mirror and make corrections on YOURSELF before you rip apart others.

  • to CH.info

    B“H everyone in this community already knows quite well what ”skirt is a bit short“ means. Is the ”illustration photo” really necessary?

  • anon

    The way she dresses is between her and g-d. You never know what is behind the closed doors in someones life. And NO ONE has a right to jusge. If you want to make the world a better pllace start with your own issues.

  • out of towner

    to 27 and others who are chiming in about “not in my hood etc” lets get real for a second your “hood” is where a growing number are dressing this way…. My Grandmother remembers in the 20’s and 30’s Crown Heights was full of reform and conservative Jews it’s coming full circle it is once again full of reform and conservative Jews in both cases their parents and zaides were frum. The only difference most reform and conservative Jews wouldn’t dress as provocatively as women in Crown Heights do, and they wouldn’t accost a complete stranger and tell them how to dress or behave.

  • should be ashamed of yourself

    this shoul’ve been posted months ago, these people are disgusting and rude. its no ones buisness the way people dress, GET A LIFE LOSERS!

  • David Hompes

    The reason why women dress tznius is out of respect for their husbands. Since he threw her out on the street she can wear anything she likes.
    My 2 cents.

  • Baal TeshuvahF

    The point is the many people completly ignore the mitzvah ahavas yisroel and forget that it is an avaira to embares someone. The whole precept of chabad is that it is accepting of all yet clearly amongst your selves you completly forget about the ahavas yisroel. I beleive the rebbe would put the mitzvah of Ahavas yisroel before anything. And what did repremanding this lady acomplish!?!?! nothing at all other than angering and embarassing a fellow jews. Great job whoever stopped this lady you have done an avaira and acomplished nothing besides for lowering the position the world is in.

  • BULLYS

    You all know better! there is a way of dealing with things!! WITH KINDNESS!! honestly, i understand that things regarding ch. bother you but to go up to women and tell her ‘you dont belong here!’ is what i call a bully.
    its not ok in school and its not ok for adults!

  • Bitter Truth

    “Honetly, its no one elses buisness the way people dress! and shame on CH.info for putting a pic of girls with not tznious skirts on the website!”
    August 30 2011 – 20:43 –
    Well, I’m sure the hosts would have been more than glad to feature a more tznious picture of young ladies in Crown Heights, except THEY COULDN’T FIND ONE!!

  • cle

    ok, I am sorry for you going through a divorce, truly.
    However, people are taking the Rebbe’s neighborhood and making their own rules. Our Rebbe’s shechuna should not be trashed like that. At home, you can choose to not do certain mitzvos, but please, the halachas are for many reasons (HaShem of course being ikkar) and as well, other people’s husbands.
    Please see our point. We cannot force you to keep tznius, and we can’t force you to care about it, but think about those points.

  • chaya Mushka

    On the other hand….. let’s talk about the erosion of the men’s lavush:
    No hat, no jacket, colored shirts, colored pants, jeans, spandex and shorts, knitted yarmulkes, colored yarmulkes, glasses from out of space, shoes from Greenwich Village.

    Not very Chassidish. Get it?

  • #5

    You are right on the money. People should stop dressing like goyim in crown heights. It was never acceptable and it should stop now. It is disgusting and insulting to those of us who are trying to bring up our children the right way.

  • rsa

    #45 (anon):
    its not as much about judging as it is people trying to preserve the Rebbe’s shechuna. What else can I say?
    Should we change other halachas too?
    someone said that the mitzvos a person keeps are not controllable by others. True. However, have some respect. If that woman going through a divorce had still been married and her husband was staring at someone who also doesnt keep tznius, how would she feel. We have sons growing up here too.
    If someone has an issue with halacha, keep it private, not for our husbands, sons, and those coming to experience the Rebbes shechunah. We want Moshiach NOW

  • gnhgy

    in the beginning it sounds really good but then when she said she broke her heart u realize its bad :(:(:(

  • HE

    you said “and you managed to break my heart just a tiny bit more than it already was.”
    Now here is the issue….why are you trying to use your heart to deal with the tznius issue?
    your heart may have been broken by your family issues growing up, and then by your (ex) husband, but why does that give you a need to express yourself in front of other people’s husbands, sons (etc) and break the halachot in The Lubavitcher Rebbes shechunah? Sounds like theres something mixed up there which maybe you should look into. It might give a deeper meaning to your own life.
    IY”H you should be married again one day, and I hope that your husband’s eyes do not have to see this, it would not be good for him or you….
    but as far as breaking your heart…..your are mixing up two issues, as in confusion. When you get it straighter/clearer, you will be able to move on with your life.

  • wait a minute

    well all i can say is this woman is obviously in alot of pain
    it seems there are two issues. one of yiddishkiet and one of emotional pain.

    the woman it seems to me needed validation of who she is. she wants people to finally see her not her yichus, clothes etc. unfortunately there are many couples when they get married bring baggage from their single lives.

    its not her yiddishkiet she is shirking, its a deep pain of who and what she is that she is having trouble with.
    HOWEVER
    she does acknowledge at the end that the only one she has as a father for her child is Hashem. There is such a thing as taking responsiblity for ones actions. we all make mistakes but at the end of the day we are responsible for our actions
    this is her journey and her test. Being responsible for her actions can only put her on a good path. i wish her well

  • Miriam s

    Omg that woman is an embarrassment to the rebbe and all that he stood for shame on her you belong where ever you want to be! She is inferior not you! Her ahavas Yisroel is to be comended, not! And to that looser who said about tnius in concentration camps I’d curse you out but my comment would be deleted how dare u! Ps keep strong and stand up for yourself you go girl!!!!!

  • awacs

    So, let’s get this straight:

    You decide to move back to your parents’ house home because it’s all you can afford, they don’t have the backbone to ask you to dress in accordance with the Shulchan Aruch, someone says ONE SENTENCE to you about Halacha and not disrespecting the Rebbe, for whom Tznius was a VERY BIG issue, your heart is broken because someone pointed out that your doing the wrong thing, and this is our problem … how?

  • awacs

    “And yes, perhaps my skirt was a bit short for your taste …”

    Not for MY taste. For Hashem’s taste. For Moshe Rabeinu’s taste. And, for the Rebbe’s taste.

  • a jewish mother

    i,ve also been divorced.it was very painful but an excuse for not dressing tzneeus? huh? if the author has children she should think about the extra brachois her children need now and be even more machmir in tzneeus!

  • awacs

    “But how in the heck is that your business? Am I bothering your eyes?”

    Yes, and yes. It’s been extensively discussed (both on this blog and elsewhere) that Tznius affects the community and everyone in it. What you see affects you – the Rebbe pointed this out several times, most strikingly in regards to non-kosher animals in a baby’s crib.

  • LA Morah

    some people think they can flaunt whatever they want but then feel another person has no right to be offended and hurt for the rebbe,for lubavitch and for our impressionable children.please grow up.our actions have consequences!

  • awacs

    “And yes, perhaps my skirt was a bit short for your taste and my sleeves not quite covering my elbows. But how in the heck is that your business?”

    Let’s rewrite that (and I’m including what you originally wrote): “Okay, the hot dog I was eating in public wasn’t kosher according to Shulchan Aruch. But, it’s better than Chazer fleish. What’s it your business, anyhow?”

    Answer: because all Jews are responsible for one another. Now, the lady who spoke to you may not have done it in the best manner, but she DOES care. Because, otherwise, she would have jst walked on by. A lot easier, you know.

  • disgusted

    does the author have any idea what frum people outside of lubavitch say about lubavitcher girls now? does the author realize how she and others are dragging the rebbe into this automatically?

  • To all who got the wrong message

    The author wasn’t making an excuse for not being tznius she was saying how instead of the woman treating her respectfully she added to the stress that she was going through.
    The woman could have made her point without being nasty

  • Shimon Shak

    Who cares what she wears? Let her walk around in her birthday suit if she wants!! As long as she’s not Moshichist!!!!

  • enoughs enough!

    I dont understand why a website representing Crown Heights/Chabad community should post an article that JUSTIFYS dressing immodestly.

    What she does is her business – thats forsure – but why would you put up an article that makes it ‘ok’ if you have problems? We all have problems – and embarassing Chabad and the Rebbe is not justified by any issues or problems you may have.

    Im sick of people blaming their lack of Chasidishkeit or Frumkeit on their parents/teachers/friends/problems. Everyone has issues….

    We all make choices in life….if you choose a certain path, dont try to justify it and blame it on others.

    Respect the community you are in (whether its CH or other Chabad communities around the world), abide by its standards or at least dont blatantly and openly disrespect it by parading yourselves infront of the community whom you hurt!!! You want people to respect your path and your choices – how about you respect them!?!?

    mmmmmmm- maybe I sould write an Op-Ed ;-) !

  • I-ve seen this article before

    I haven’t read any comments here, but I’ve read this before.

    For the record, this same Op-Ed appeared a couple of months ago on a Frum women’s forum. You all need to know the reaction of the readers. I just re-read the comments to refresh my memory.

    Many women (most, in fact) on that site are not Lubavitchers. They range in derech from Modern Orthodox (some wear pants & don’t cover their hair) to extreme ultra-Orthodox whose use of the Internet is a strict no-no in their communities and they have to be discreet. On the whole we enjoy interacting and discussing all sorts of topics from parenting to politics & we are a nice bunch! Some of us have become very good friends IRL.

    While we all agreed that the author is obviously suffering, most people responded with dismay…AT THE AUTHOR. As she said here, this is a more sanitized version (note “revised by the author”) and the original ending was a little more edgy, shall we say.

    The consensus of responses in the first article was that this woman is using her sad situation (which we all agreed is tough) as an excuse to act & dress inappropriately. You have a bad marriage? Your husband is abusive? Off with your standards! Furthermore, we said some respect for the standards of the community you live in is not a terrible thing.

    Back to the sanitized version. I suspect that this author hurled some pretty unpleasant things back at the “do-gooder” & while none of us condoned the way she was approached which was definitely nasty and horrible, I’m guessing she didn’t hold back verbally. Pot versus Kettle?

    Might I suggest this is put in perspective? Obviously, the author was confronted in an insensitive way. But when you want to kill the messenger, does that mean the innate message is wrong?

    Bottom line: if you’re angry with a lousy husband & rough situation, don’t take it out on G-d. There are people who have things much worse, here in Crown Heights, who don’t use their tsuris as an excuse to drop frumkeit, tznius or whatever it might be. And please remember that when you walk around looking like you do you offend many of us. Because if it’s just a slightly short skirt or sleeves just-just then no one would approach you because there’s much worse here.

    One other thing. No matter how untznius the author looks it’s not right to speak to anyone like that. I hope the woman who confronted her understands that you catch more bees with honey than salt, even though I agree that sometimes it’s really, really hard to keep quiet. Not only that, it’s the complete antithesis of Ahavas Yisrael that was so important to the Rebbe.

    A gut Chodesh & I hope the author finds happiness very soon.

  • cres

    #60 is past limits with that comment.
    #61: guys should also mind their halachas and limits of being a Jew, but they don’t cause the problem that women do when they don’t dress tznius. I mean if I saw a guy in shorts, it would not have the same effect as a woman not dressed tznius.

  • picture

    a picture says a thousand words, if this is a picture take in the winter I dread to think what a summer one would look like. ..

  • concerned in MA

    To Chaya Mushka:
    Excellent comment. I do hope men will think about this.
    May I add that the last time I was in CH, I saw more than a few women who wore very long skirts/sleeves…but…the fit of those garments was not what I would have considered modest.

  • CHAIM YANKEL--I-M WITH YOU

    I sometimes make negative comments to posts and the administration will not post them. If they print drivel like this post, why not publish legitimate comments by others?

  • Holding on to that tree

    Face facts:

    Lubavitch is splitting up.

    There are those that are holding on dear to the Rebbe’s teachings, to Halacha to the Mesorah. Even if they have difficulty with tznius, they work on themselves with that goal in mind and do not white wash it.

    There are those that have adopted a modern-Orthodox lax approach to all that was dear to the Rebbe, to Halacha and Mesorah. They measure their success with the yardstick of the NY times or some glamour magazine.

    Each one has to answer to themselves: will I try to hold onto to the tree that my Rebbe sowed, planted and watered lovingly for 40 years? Or will I fall into the mass pull to Hedonism?

    As difficult as it is to hold on: Answer: Who will I be? Who will my children be? Will they be holding on to the Rebbe’s tree?

    It is not easy to be Jewish. It is not easy to be a chossid. It is not easy to hold to the truth. Many fail. How many survived assimilation over the centuries? In Europe and America? The cruel answer is that most did not.

    I am trying to hold on to the tree. It may feel shaky at times, and G-d knows I need improvement, but I do not excuse my mistakes. I know when I’m holding tight and when I’m not.

    I am doing it for myself, and my children and theirs to come, iy”h. And I am doing it for my Bubby’s and Zaidy’s and theirs. So, hold on. If it’s hard, say its hard. But don’t say it doesn’t matter.

    That tree is in your hands. Choose.

  • Yossi

    I want to tell you all a story there was a lady in crown heights that was one year in to her marriage and R L. Got cancer and had to go thru all the treatments and lost her hair and she did not cover her remanding hair and she was in a store in c h when a woman went off ranting at her for not having her hair covered now let me tell you I witnessed this first hand and she called her husband in tears . I know the tznius issue is way out of control in c h but think twice before you say something do someone you really never know what people are going thru

  • You are all missing the point

    The letter writer may or may not need to work on her tznius, just as we all have areas that we need to refine. And going through personal tzuris does not excuse lack of tznius. But when someone is going through tremendous stress and agmas nefesh, is that really the FIRST thing we need to confront? Make sure her dress is up to standard? Otherwise she can starve/freeze/roast on the streets as the case may be? And what difference does it make if she has a Lubavitch background or not? I am the last person to condone lack of tznius, but what happened to caring about someone’s gashmius before their ruchnius?

  • to number 40-

    you might want to read the previous op-ed ‘in a box’. talk about what to ‘accept’ and what not to!

  • ce

    #18. I tend to think that it is NOT a hoax letter, and I agree with you in one way, that many women in russia worried about their husbands coming home, because otherwise, it would be a number of very serious issues….prison, or worse.
    However, these times are also tough, specifically because “we” don’t know what dark and light are. This woman is suffering and she doesnt even know why. The women in russia suffered because they knew they were halachic Jews and their husbands were exposed to those dangers. It is just 2 ways of suffering, and they both come with their own challenges. The one in this letter is insidious however, because the woman does not really know her priorities and does not know how to deal with her issues. Dressing un-tznius is not a healthy expression of confusion or anger or whatever it may be.

  • Sad in Broooklyn

    This is why us Jewish people have such problems. We actually sit and argue about the length of skirts and shirts. I am not even a religious Jewish person and yet one of my dearest friends lives in Crown Heights and is religious. She would never think of criticizing me for what I wear. Do you really think that you should judge a person by what they wear? What makes you the person to judge? So many pious an religious people violate Torah and cheat on their taxes, beat their wives, molest children, yet this is what we are concerned about . It is a true Shanda, and why there is such a division between religious and non-religious Jews. Until all of us can learn to accept each other and respect each other, we will never have peace and unity

  • Sprintza

    Giving musser is a talent one should not give it willy nilly. You should only give it to a close friend or some one who asks for it. Not some one on the street. Going around telling people there doing something wrong in the street does not make you seem helpful it makes you seem rude and will turn some one away from yidiskite. Think is some one came up to you on the street and said something about you I doubt you would appreciate the advice. Embarrassing some one is worse avara its like killing some one. I’m really disgusted that people to do this to there fellow Jews. We should look for other Jews positive attributes. Like wow that person gives so much tzdaka or look at her medos…

  • cw

    TO THE COMMENTER hell?:

    What a horrible, awful thing to write to someone who is already hurting. I hope you remove your comments so she does not see them. Your hurtful words are a worse sin in my eyes. (bein adom l’chaveiro vs. bein adom l’mokom)

  • Tova

    The fact that this article has so many comments is proof of just how skewed the focus of CH has become. Tznius is important, but to elevate it above any other mitzvot is ridiculous. To the woman who wrote the article, I’m sorry you were met with a person who has evidently missed some serious lessons in the Torah.

    I moved out of Crown Heights last week and I am so happy to be able to join a truly accepting and loving Jewish community elsewhere. CH was only hardship and cruel judgment — and certainly not from the non-Jewish population!

  • BIG BIG SHAME

    how many people who commented support the embarassigly provocative style? shame on all of u walking out the house forgetting half your outfits at home. all of you forgot you are daughters of a king! shameless people showing off their bodies to strangers on the street. WOULD YOU GO BY THE REBBE TO GET A DOLLAR/LEKACH DRESSING LIKE THAT?
    To the author: sorry for you if your truly going through a divorce and “just living in ch temporarly” then while u live here respect this neighborhood and dont make poor excuses why u should leave half of your clothes at home!

  • chabad lax

    i think 80 percent of you missed what she is saying.
    she did not say that because she has issues she doesnt dress tzius
    her point is that it is noones business what level she is at. and he told her she had no business living in crown heights so she was saying her financial issues left her no other options.
    crown heights isnt meah shiarim. you can wear what you want
    and the rebbe would have placed loving accepting and sympathazing with a jewish woman who is in pain in higher importance than judging her.
    the rebbes guide to tznious was for each persons personal growth. it is not meant for you to all judge each other and put each other down. the rebbe loved each yid regardless of theyr level and by loving and teaching them he helped them grow.

  • Ahavas Yisroel

    TO all Those screaming Ahavas Yisroel ever heard of Hocheach tocheach es amisecha ? not everyone is out to get you and not everyone hates you ,telling a women ten blocks out of CH that she isn’t tznius isn’t Embarrassing telling her on Kingston is.

  • Been there

    I wish people would acknowledge that tzinius IS a great self-sacrifice. Summer , winter spring or fall.Married, unmaried, divorced or widowed. Old or young. It is hard, but it has its rewards. I, too went through a bitter divorce, and thought about taking off my sheitel. I asked my rov and he said to me, “there will probably never be a time in the future where you will regret having kept your sheitel on, but there may come a time when you will regret having taken it off. I’m remarried now to a wonderful man and we have a beautiful family. My husband told me how much he respected me for wearing my sheitel after the divorce and how it influenced his decision to get married.

    I wish you all the best and a happy sweet year.

  • Please read

    I think thatsome of you are not understanding the point this woman is making. She is NOT using her terrible situation as a reason to dress less tznius or to “take it out on gd”. She is making a point about ahavas Yisroel- how can you tell another Jew off for their level of keeping any mitzvah?? It’s not your place. Period. No matter what. And it happens to be that this woman was in the midst of dealing with an awful tragedy. She could’ve really used a friendly gesture, a kind word. Not only did she not get that but she got a nasty remark. What are you accomplishing you fooling holier than thou woman? Are you perfect in your frumkeit? (obviously you are not with embarrassing anther yid!!) how would you like if someone told u off for something you don’t do perfectly? And let us not all assume that the author was dressed terribly! I was basically called NONjEWISH looking by a woman here in ch while I was wearing a loose fitting dress that covered my knees, collarbone and elbows completely. Some of these women are just old jags who are so ugly and don’t take care of their bodies (which is not a mitzvah btw!) and out of jealousy they lash put at those who might look better than them.

    Please, those of you that are making cruel remarks to the author, and those of you that randomly tell off other Jews for not keeping a certain standard of frumkeit: YOU are causing the rebbe Admas Nefesh! The rebbe stressed ahavas Yisroel above all else! The rebbe also stressed that when being mikarev another Jew you must first inquire of their gashmiyus, their wellbeing. Then and only then can you go on to stress the importance and beauty of mitzvos that they might need to better
    Themselves in. If you truly want to make the world a better place you would never ever insult another Jew, a person who has Never done anything bad to you, never wronged you.

    We were taught over and over again that we can learn something from anyone and anything. Please take this as a lesson that the cruel tough love method is not working, it Is actually having the opposite effect. It is turning people off of the derech even more. Be more kind to others. Reach out to a stranger. You can help them by being an example, and by teaching them, educating them. With ahava.

    And as a side note, your husbands are responsible for what they look at…not the women who are dressed not tznius. I do agree that there are women dressed so immodestly to the point that I don’t feel comfortable looking at them? But where do we draw the line of who to rebuke? And who should be in charge of this? It’s ridiculous to take the job of hashem or tzadikkim and make it your own. And obviously you are not even close to being tzaddikim if you would ever embarrass another Jew as you do, ever say su h cruel words to anther person.

  • Think Outside the box

    Oy vey. Someone actually had the chutzpah to comment on your tznius. How disrespectful.

    Besides, you weren’t even in CH, you were in Times Square. What a chutzpah!

    There is a time for everything, people, there is a time to be frum in CH and there is a time to have fun, okay, and as long as your not hurting anyone and as long as its not in front of my kids nobody should be telling you what to do or how to what to eat or how to dress!!!

  • dismayed

    i sincerely hope this was not the “tznius police” who stands outside Beis Rivka,

    Be careful not to be the eibishters policeman, not one of us can afford to be judged.

  • doesn-t matter

    Every time I go somewhere and I see the hemlines getting a bit shorter and a bit shorter I ask “why” and I am told “its a personal choice, its how tznius is interpreted”…..oh please….it has to be the same for everyone…..its like being told that a higher level of kosher is ok for someone else, but you don’t have to worry…..eat the triangle k stuff instead of the ok or ou. Tired of there being so many “acceptable” levels. It should be the same for all!! You are either tzniut or not…Either kosher or not…stop making up your own rules to suit your moods.

  • sara

    I am proud that there are girls standing up for tznius. While they ccan maybe learn to say it in a nicer way, it does take guts to confront people, and the fact that you grew up frum or not, once you move into crown heights, you should take on the standards set there.
    It’s very very sad that you can compare yourself to the shvartzes that live in crown heights.
    Cc’mon.

  • Elki

    It is sadly ironic that Chabad, famed for welcoming Jews of all stripes, at times veers fully off course if the person is not a “kiruv” candidate. Would any true Lubavitcher speak this way to a woman who didn’t yet light candles or a woman who came to the local Chabad House dressed inappropriately?
    This letter has nothing to do with tznius, on which so many comments focuses. It is about one woman, from CH, who made another feel like garbage.I doubt very strongly that the women being rebuked will now improve her modesty.
    I’m not an expert but from my life experience and learning,I can guarantee that the Rebbe did not believe that this is the way of “fixing” a problem.

  • Proud israeli

    You go girl! well done writing!! all these fake people in this neighborhood makes me throw up! u make life here just like a ghetto! Mind your own business ppl
    Look at yourself first before judging others! Who made you G’d!
    Well done! If I see you I’d give you a huge hug for this letter! [Thumbs up].

  • Gevalt

    “But how in the heck is that your business?”

    Every Jew is responsible for one another.

    “Am I bothering your eyes? Do I stick out among all the tank tops and shorts that were parading around Eastern Parkway in the very non-Jewish neighborhood that we were in?”

    It doesn’t matter the environment, or what everyone else was doing. You are angry because you are wrong and it hurts.
    Had you been in China, and everyone else was completely naked, your immodesty would inappropriate and deserving of being pointed out and addressed.

  • RACISM?

    RE; #100

    IS IT ONLY ME OR IS ANYONE ELSE HERE JUST A TEENY BIT SHOCKED? ALL THIS SELF-RIGHTEIOUS HOLIER-THAN-THOU DISCUSSION….AND SOMEONE ACTUALLY WRITES ‘SHVARTZES’…??? SO RACISM IS FINE AND GOOD, BUT HEAVENS! WE NEED TO PROTECT THE KINDERLACH FROM THE HORRORS OF SHORT SKIRTS!!!!
    THIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO CROWN HEIGHTS!!

  • ess

    People should worry about themselves and their families tznius then go up to other people and help them!

  • Whats going on?

    Although CH.info is not officially Chabad, there is no reason for them to put not Tznius pictures on.

    “… a good ten-minuet walk from Crown Heights…”

    If a person is outside of CH, that means the rules of Tnius change?

    ( I’m not directing this question at the lady only but to everyone.

  • anonymous

    this is one sad letter! kind of pathetic i mean i feel bad for the lady she seems to be having a hard time. but dont let out all your anger on this other woman. yes she should have said it very differently, a lot nicer with more sensitivity (seeing that your all upset and stressed out) but point is dont take out your anger on her, were very sorry for you but deep down you know shes right (thats why its driving you mad) and this was a very stupid article to post.

  • mrss

    If a stranger yelled at a person smoking to stop smoking, the person wouldn’t listen and would continue. Perhaps people need to look at people’s dress aa an addiction that they cannot help unless given proper tools and inspiration. We are now in Elul and will soon ask Hashem to bless us with a good year. Isn’t it better if we start off by asking Hashem to grant us all a good year by looking at our fellow Jew with a good eye, even if they are weak in a mitzva and even on a mitzva that reflects on our neighborhood? Let us think how we should want our neighborhood to be reflected to Hashem in the coming year-through judging each other well and overlooking each other’s faults (while maybe davening that Hashem should help fellow Jews overcome any weaknesses we have in serving Him)and trying to improve our own selves, instead of others. Speaking to others in a critical, demeaning way is not tznius-it is not how a daughter of a King would speak to others. If someone is not dressed tznius, let’s not forget that she is also the daughter of a King and should be treated with respect.

  • CH Resident

    i feel bad for the author and won’t second guess her assertion that she’s going through quite much and the last thing she needs is people judging her lifestyle.

    Having said that, it’s very depressing seeing the low that “Lubavitchers’ in our community stoop to. If they were wearing tichlach and not sheitlach in the street, I’m not sure how the Rebbe would react, but it’s getting to the point that the ‘modern orthodox’ type are moving out of our community for the sake of their children’s chinuch. Last night I was walking down Kingston and I saw about a half dozen bums with one of them explicitly screaming all of his machshovo zaros to his friends (loud enough for the whole street to hear) which would make a shvartzah mom blush. It wasn’t even the words itself that were vulgar, the context beat the vulgarity of the words themselves.

    It was also very disturbing that I saw a lubavitcher several weeks ago, finishing a bag of chip and just throwing the empty bag on the sidewalk like it was where trash ought to be disposed of. I was so enraged at how people forget that it’s the Rebbe’s shechunah and disregard the respect that the holy streets deserve. Imagine going to the white house finishing a can of coke and disposing of it on the marble floors! Of course nobody would do that! But on the Rebbe’s floors (streets) they would do that?! Gevald! No wonder the shluchim are ashamed to bring their kehilos to see the ”Rebbe’s community”! And I blame the parents in Crown Heights and the yeshivos that accept wild youth (no specifying necessary here – Dai lechakima beremizah). We need to fix up the place! If your a parent PLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSSE educate your children properly, even if they are in their late teens or early twenties!

  • Nobody

    For those who think that “mind your own business” is an appropriate response – it is obvious you don’t care about Tznius, so no one who does is paying any attention to you.

    To put this in terms you might understand, image you saw an obviously orthodox person around Crown Heights, or just outside it, wearing a shirt which reads:

    “I hate black welfare bums.”

    Free country, that is free speech. Would you mind your own business? Or would you comment about the chillul hashem and the hateful speech?

    The problem (if this story is real – I have my doubts) is that the “rebuke” here was utterly counter-productive and ineffective. Knowing that is useful, and therefore a useful article to post.

    What is happening here in Crown Heights is that enough people are getting the impression that this is a legitimate, orthodox way to dress. Modern Orthodox people tell themselves this all the time. In reality, this way of dressing is no more al pi halacha than eating Purdue chicken and saying “well, I’m not mixing it with cheese, so it’s OK.”

    Why the emphasis on Tznius? Because keeping it is so lax, and the spiritual effect on the community is devastating. The fact that you don’t see it is just a measure of your spiritual insensitivity, not anything else.

    However, I think the solution lies in a positive motivation in what it is to be a Jewish woman, and why that matters – Tznius flows directly from that, it is not something that can exist in a vacuum.

    We are losing a whole generation to college and career concerns, especially among the women. Unfortunately the “leaders” in the community are more concerned about their little piece of the dying pie than Judaism, let alone the Rebbe or what his priorities really are.

  • number 3

    that is most probably the most disgust hurful comment i’ve seen onthe internet. WOW! A New low
    I am very much bothered by the tznius problem, but your comment is worse than the worst tznius issue.

  • CH Resident

    “Last night I was walking down Kingston and I saw about a half dozen bums with one of them explicitly screaming all of his machshovo zaros to his friends (loud enough for the whole street to hear) which would make a shvartzah mom blush.” – from my comment #109

    I forgot to mention the group of bums were only 15!

  • feeling bad for you but

    stop blaming your problems on others. Stop blaming Hashem. Yes you could blame Hashem but that is a different issue.
    Your husband threw you out. So you became not frum? Stop this. People have real problems as you do but do they become not frum and flaunt what they think they have in front of the world? Stop this blaming others for your tives and your weaknesses. More people should stand up and yell and talk about the lack of tznius in CH and maybe people like you would become embarrassed and either change or leave this community.Go back where you came from or if you want to stay here dress like you should in this neighborhood. We have let too many outsiders into our community and they have had the most horrendous influence on our children.

  • Harvey Fierstein

    When I am in CH I always make sure I’ll wear a modest dress, long sleeves, stockings with a seam, and not too high. of a heal. I also make sure mij sheitel is not too blond and too long.

  • Skeptic

    If this letter is real, I suspect the comments are what this woman heard and not necessarily what the other woman said.

  • NoBama

    Imagine going to the white house finishing a can of coke and disposing of it on the marble floors! Of course nobody would do that!

    With the present occupancy of the White House as it is, I’d have no problem doing that!!!

  • How unintelligent!

    What’s the connection between what you are going thru to your tznius?!?!?
    The Rebbe once answered some students about questions they had about the holocaust- that those who claim they are non- religious because of the shoa should know that the neshomos in Auschwitz are too dear to have you ride on them because of a strong yetzer hora.
    Don’t gather pity from anyone- the rachmonus is on the tinokos of bais rabon – you included…
    chap arein and do tshuva- before the yom hadin :)

  • I KNOW WHO WROTE THIS LETTER

    Read between the lines,the story about the woman who made a comment on what she was wearing totally real everything else is a hidden message to another woman from crown heights who going through divorce, she wrote this letter because she wanted to send a message about ahavas yisroel , Lashon hara and tznius I personally think you already know the answer to this but very clever, good job!

  • Shaina

    To number 49 is it ahavas yisroel for our kids to copy older women who dress the way yet do also?!

  • Anonymous

    If women are obligated to dress modestly so should men. To believe that women are not attracted to men is ridiculous.

  • shocked

    I am shocked! but not at the article. What surprises me is how many people are actually sticking up for this woman – as if she was stopped for doing the correct thing. What is this neighborhood coming to? Is this what the Rebbe wanted? I wish I had the guts to stop people and tell them off. Unfortunately, I am not strong enough to do so. I think Rabbi Ashkenazi has a good plan. Maybe we should try it over here. Tznius is completely out of hand. The Rebbe says that being tznius helps for the Shalom and happiness in the family, good kids…maybe her lack of tznius is what’s causing her divorce (and so many others).

  • person

    to all the ppl that are saying that men are also un-tznius…true true, but there are sooo many women that don’t dress tzniusly in ch and that’s where the Rebbe WAS and imagine the example that you’re setting for other people from different cultures?are they supposed to believe that this is what the Rebbe stressed?it’s amazing how much more tznius baalei teshuvah dress more than those who are frum ffb???does that sound normal?? NOT AT ALL! for all those defending this lady, i understand, but i also agree with the lady that told her that she shouldn’t be dressed like that! it’s soooooo true!!! ppl in ch (and everywhere) should be dressing more tznius because it really doesn’t show that you are following the Rebbe like that!YES, it’s the style to wear lower neck shirts or skirts right above the knee and things that don’t cover your elbows, but those are meant for you to look at and either wear something with it to make it tznius or forget abt it at all because that’s not the way you should be dressing and think about what it others! it 1. shows the OPPOSITE of tznius and 2. to be literal, it exposes more of you to other ppl that shouldn’t be seeing it….and plus it shows bad examples for others like younger children who watch you daily and get influenced…think abouyt that before you dress untzniusly again…that’s just my opinions..hope you read this and take it to heart…and yes i do agree that this shouldn’t be on this website especially the picture…

  • who cares who this is...

    #115 Harvey Fierstein, that’s funny……everyone knows Harvey wears a chestnut sheitel, not blonde…..LOL

  • star

    wow, wow , wow , so many posts, this is a very sad page of our history today, and honestly the skirt is nothing compared what we are facing today, I am personally care more about who are we today? Strong people with tons of information available of all kinds of? or We are so weak generation that can’t even stand a fast days today? Wow, where are we going to? Looking outside of Crown Heights , it looks like with the same rate of changing, it will finally reach the dead end, unfortunately for all of us. Any other thoughts?

  • star

    BTW, very close to this topic; I notice so many jewish guys wear a hat( ball hat or other) the whole days, even rabbis wear a ball hats today, I myself wearing it as I am shame to see when Jew make something that would bring others to not a good position.), I guess so many small pro-groups exist today within our communities.

    P.S. It is good that she had a skirt even, nothing keeps her to wear pants.

  • your sister

    I’m Jewish i live in manhattan, every time when i coming to visit my friend who lives in crown heights, I get “the look” like I’m a goya or I have a monkey on my shoulder , If I had a desire to get closer to religion some people in this neighborhood just made ​​me take a step back. and yes I do not belong in this neighborhood, but I’m a Jew just like everyone else ! and nobody will tell me whether to go there or not,the main reason other than my friends, Im coming to “this neighborhood” to buy kosher food , you guys should be welcoming people and encourage them to Judaism not judge them it’s a free world! and no matter what I wear I do not feel any less Jewish than other woman in crown heights who wears a costume. to be rejected by my people, no wonder everyone hate us and want to destroy us they see how we’re destroying each other! kol hakavod #96 i love you :)

  • #119 ahavas yisroel

    she’s smart right lol but I’m sure the french woman that the letter meant for too stupid to understand shana tova u’metuka.

  • response

    Did anyone ever notice that since the tznius police and forced shuirim have started the tznius level gets worse and worse bringing with it more cheating husbands and worse drivel. We live in a tightknit community where some people think they have the right to be yentas- and it isn’t only tznius! from the lovely lady who reports on the daughter in law to the shvigger. to the lady who snaps at the new mother about her child needing socks (in the summer)…to the lady who calls up a house where a married lady is staying because she has health issues and needs to recuperate to tell her hostess to send her out to go back to her husband to the lady who tells a single girl that she really needs to give the guy with no job a second chance because she can’t do better to the lady who starts lecturing a mother with one child against birth control when the mother has fertility issues this yenta doesn’t know about to the lady who tells a mother of a huge family who is struggling that she should dafka use the birth control to those ……I think you get the picture…insulting people is never going to help- and yes- for the record my family- men/boys included dress completely tzniusly….but insults are passt nicht!

  • Great letter

    to# 120 , I wondering, what are you telling your kids when you walk the streets with them? “close your eyes”? “do not look around”? and what are you telling them when they growing up and discovering a whole world out there ?
    learn how to accept and respect the different from you,learning to accept and respect them is an important step that opens your mind to Jewish people just like you! some people may not dress or look like you is that makes them non-Jews? what makes you better than them?! the causes for the destruction of the temples is sinat chinam, lashon hara, and not Judging properly,how we can rebuild the temple?respecting and loving our fellow Jews improving our speech ,developing and strengthening a positive outlook on life ,do we know what we’ve lost? what we are missing without that , the divine presence prophecy simchah a open channel for prayer.Ahavas yisroel

  • Thank you

    Do residents of CH think they OWN the sidewalks? I do not get it. If someone else walks on the sidewalk is it a resident’s right to feel entitled to such comments? Who gave them that right? How rude! How sad! What a poor representation for other Jews who actually use their spiritual life for ways to honor Hashem, the Rebbe, and a Jewish life. Even sadder are the comments from those who support the rude comments. That woman is a HUMAN BEING! Isn’t there a better way to make your point? How about some kindness? O.K. You were offended by her dress. And she was offended by your attitude and comment style. Which would YOU prefer? I for one opt for the shorter dress as opposed to the rude attitude. Think about it. Thank you.

  • :o)

    #113- Are the bums- 15 year olds – kids who don’t have schools to go to because they feel between the cracks in the system – if its because of learning problems or emotional or whatever.
    Calling them bums isn’t ahavas yisroel – tryiing to do something to help these kids do constructive things with their lives SHOULD BE YOUR AIM – not critisizing them. There is a problem when our kids go off the derech and it needs to be atteneded to ASAP before we go out to attend to the doing Shlichus with the outside world we need to heal within crown heights and lubavitch. There is no more respect for things, respect for ones self, their family, their actions, their speech,and their neighborhood. And it affects all aspects of our lives including the modesty issue. Respect for another individuals feelings would have had the woman in this story less embarrassed and upset and possibly more open to looking at the issue of what and how she was wearing her clothing. But if you attack someone chances are it will only set up their back and make them resentful especially if they are upset as it is.

  • Memories

    Some people seem to have a need to show they have more knowledge than you and don’t care how they show it. Many years ago I was a college student in Boston and went to daven one Shabbos morning at a Shul in Brookline. After a little while a lady came over to me and said“you’re not supposed to put a Chumash on a Siddur” or maybe it was the opposite,I don’t remember. How about “Good Shabbos,my name is
    —–,what’s your name? Would you like to come for Shabbos lunch? You can’t-well,how about next Friday night dinner?”Then maybe,“please don’t stack the seforim that way. That’s not the right way. Let me show you.” Not so difficult to be nice.

  • Sarah

    To 81:
    You brought tears to my eyes with your comment. That’s exactly it. There was a Miforesh (forgot who) – I think I saw it in the Gutnick Chumash. Lavan wanted to destroy Yaakov’s children, but he was only going to kill Yaakov, not his children; he failed in his attempt. Pharoah said, I will do better than Lavan; I will succeed because I will kill all the sons. He failed, B“H, and Haman went on to say, both of them were not successful, but I will because I will destroy every solitary Jew. He, B”H was not successful. Rome (our present day golus) comes along and says, I will not destroy the people, I will destroy (Ch”v) their G-d…. Separate the people from their G-d, and the people will be destroyed on their own. Assimilate them, and they will disappear.

    All of us need to take a cheshbon hanefesh and see where we are heading, and by extension, where are our individual families heading. Is it up, or down?

    Crown Heights! your grandparents were KILLED for doing the right thing, having misiras nefesh to educate their children to do the right thing, regardless of the terrible cost of their lives.

    Now, you are throwing it all away, thoughtlessly and carelessly.

    Tznius is a direct demonstration of your level of Kabalos Ol and Yiras Shamayim, and shows all the rest of us where you are holding in your heart in regards to Torah and Mitzvos.

    So when I see you walking down the street, dressed in your inappropriate clothing, I think… You are not thinking. Because if you were, and you were committed to a Halachic lifestyle, you would not be dressed that way.

    The lady could have said it in a nicer way; no question. Dvarim she yotzim…

  • Does it have to be either-or?

    I just want to know if Lubavitche women have the right to tell another woman that one has to dress a certain way to walk on the sidewalk. I’m thinking that legally, they do not, as I am not aware that they OWN that sidewalk! So,do they have the actual right? I’m thinking that since they feel the need to correct someone for whatever reason, maybe THEY can move to a place where they DO own the sidewalk, instead of wishing OTHERS to leave. Just thinking…….Does it have to be either-or? Is there some document somewhere that says only one group of people can live there?