Op-Ed: In The Box
A box. What is it? Four sides. A top. A bottom. All square and straight and rigid.
Lots of things can go inside a box. Presents come in boxes. Hardware devices. Kitchen appliances. Furniture. Gifts. Jewelry.
People come in boxes. Oh, they don’t?
Think about the last time you met someone. You, who claims to be non judgmental, open minded and accepting. She walked into your house for a Friday night meal, let’s just say, for arguments sake. And you expected, automatically, to see a bottle of wine, flowers, maybe a box (there it is again!) of chocolate, in her hands.
But they were empty. And even as you ushered her in and told her how glad you were to see her, you selected a box and thrust her inside it.
The Unappreciative box. The Rude box. The Badly Brought Up box. They all seemed to encase her well.
There. You just did it. You put someone in a box. Are you a terrible person?
Okay, that was a specific example and yes, on the extreme side. How about simply walking down the street and seeing, out of the corner of your eye, an Arab boy crossing the road to your side.
You quicken your pace.
You broaden the gap between the two of you.
You feel the bile rise in your mouth.
And you pick up the box labeled ‘terrorist’ and sit him inside it.
It happens the whole time, so often, to the extent that we don’t even think of it as ‘labeling’ or ‘judging’. The kid who throws the tantrum and the term ‘wild’ flashes across your brain. The grocery delivery man who shuffles to your door, whom you’ve long ago titled ‘simple’. The beautiful woman strutting down the street with her perfectly dressed children and latest stroller, the one who everyone just knows is ‘happy’.
It’s so easy to say, ‘don’t judge’. And in an ideal world, maybe it could be feasible. And of course, we know it’s wrong, and not nice and we claim that we are not like that and we accept everyone for who they are.
But we all do it. So why the guilt trip?
The way I see it, there are three kinds of people. There is one box. It is deep and has secure, safe confines.
The first type of people are the ones who sit inside the box. Right in the middle. They do everything right, they toe the line and that’s an understatement. They never land themselves into trouble and they have a great name, because never would they dare leave the calm waters of their box and venture a little outside! And these people are to be commended, because, honestly, it can’t be that exciting of a life. Always staying exactly within the boundaries.
Kudos to them.
Then we have the next type of people. This is the category I believe I fall into.
They too, stay inside the box. But they wander around its’ walls, touching the edge and testing the boundaries. They don’t always keep a low profile as they investigate the sturdiness of the walls and wonder about what lies beyond them. They sometimes draw attention to themselves, when they push their weight against the sides and watch in alarm as they sometimes cave in, at which point they hurriedly move back to the middle of the box.
But they always stay in the box, because they know at the end of the day, it is there to keep them from harm, to block out the outside elements that could be detrimental to their well being.
And last, we come to the final group of people. The ones who have left the box.
Oh, they’re not far from it. In fact, they are always around it, lingering near its sturdy walls and drawing strength from its wholesomeness and security. They are always close enough to appear as if they are doing exactly the same thing as those still inside. And in essence, they are! But without the structure of the box around them, they are more prone to straying and missing the true goal.
So many kinds of boxes. So many kinds of people.
I just did it, didn’t I? I put the entire population into three kinds of boxes. And I expect arguments to erupt from my callous assumptions and brazen, judgmental, attitude.
But that is my point precisely. There are different kinds of people. And, yes you may disagree wholeheartedly, but even those people in the third category, the ones out of the box and the ones who therefore feel they can claim to be as accepting and non critical as they wish- they too, are sorting, sifting, separating. Most often without even being consciously aware of it.
Maybe we should stop trying to pretend to accept. Maybe it’s time we saw that by judging people, we are not being mean or narrow minded. We are simply taking what is good for us, what we can learn the most from. Differentiating between good and bad and admitting that it’s okay to not understand a certain way of thinking, especially if it may disturb us spiritually.
(When it comes to Shlichus, thinking outside the box is, I believe, a necessity).
There are times in our lives where we must judge. We must make decisions. We must see if someone fits into our box. And if they don’t and if their presence will weaken our own walls, we need to become rigid and judgmental and let them carry on to those who can accept them, or to where they will feel comfortable.
I used to try so hard to be ‘open minded’. To claim that I was accepting and non judgmental. I’ve finally realized. It’s okay to be old fashioned, or whatever term you wish to call it.
My friend calls it something else.
Sensitivity.
just sayin.
“honestly, it can’t be that exciting of a life”
Some people are happy being “noring” and dont NEED excitement all the time, #3 would look at you as “honestly, it can’t be that exciting of a life”
real good points!
wow – really well written – agree with everything u said!
Pee
This is an unbelievable article,really sparked up thoughts that never came across before. It’s a complicated article but yet so precise and well written – really draws the readers attention and makes them re-examine how we conduct our thoughts.
YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN
YOUR THE BEST !
x
anonymous
SORRY WROTE…. Boxes can be used for very purposeful things.Re-examine your thoughts!
R. Z.
Brilliant as usual!!
My take....
Even those that claim they are not judging others, DO. The only real judge is HaShem. We are human, remember? We have wayyyyyy too many defects and faults to judge other fellow humans. We can only try to learn from everyone we meet and work on bettering ourselves. Feeling comfortable in a box can be a good thing. It’s nice to venture out and see life in other boxes once in a while. Ours is always there waiting for us to return to when we want our comfort zone back.
C W
what a refreshing article! good vocabulary…sentencing and great thinking aloud going on :)
so nice to read… you obviously have a talent so keep writing and keep thinking :)
a fan…..
bla blaa!
love it…. love the way you write…your a talented writer
then again thats old news.
great points… everything u said was spot on…so true.
a big big fan
Okay..
excellent! You are thinking exactly as you were taught to think! You will accomplish much I am sure. Within you box.
By Z.Y.
I like to put packing tape on the opening of the box. If the box is well sealed no one can get in without a utility knife or a sharp key. If you are outside the box you can move around and stretch your muscles and whenever you need something you just walk over to the box and take what you want. If however you are in the box you can get very claustrophobic and then paranoid and completely farklempt and never be able to get out.
Anyway the moral of the story is to use paper bags not plastic.
It’s better for the environment. Yechi Go green!
Give me a break! Description edited.
They too, stay inside the box. But they wander around its’ walls, touching the edge and testing the boundaries. They don’t always keep a low profile as they investigate the sturdiness of the walls and wonder about what lies beyond them. They sometimes draw attention to themselves, when they push their weight against the sides and watch in alarm as they sometimes cave in, at which point they hurriedly move back to the middle of the box. Them I call ‘confused’ because they have no clue as to why their in the box. So instead of accepting the fact that they lack clarity (as to who they are) they insecurely express their frustration thought an open-ed.
NK
You have oversimplified the issue. But that’s not too surprising, since you choose to be “in the box” and haven’t had a chance to learn that there are great advantages to being outside of it. And that it’s even *gasp* possible to live outside of the box without getting “hurt”.
Additionally: Being inside the box doesn’t necessarily keep you safe. There are plenty of harmful things inside the box as well.
As a side note: You have potential as a writer, but you need an editor.
Truth.
Too comment 12: Though you may disagree on the op-ed, the writer needs no editor. I too disagree with what is stated but it does not take a way from the fact, it’s very well written!
NK
#13 – I pity you if you think this is “very well written.” You’re clearly not very well-read. Grammatically and technically, the writing if fine, but stylistically it could use a professional editor’s touch.
Try reading some Dickens. Then you’ll know what good writing is. Unless, of course, you too live in the box and don’t read “goyish” books.
Truth.
Too comment 14: you too are in the box, “Dicken box”