Posted to Op-Ed on

Op-Ed: Counselors, Please Stop Scar(r)ing Our Kids

First of all, I would like to genuinely thank all the staff that have helped my son grow tremendously in Gashmiyos and especially in Ruchniyos over the first part of the summer. My son has really gained a lot and has noticably excelled and matured of the short four weeks he spent at camp. There is one thing however I would like to address:

With all the good that my son has picked up over the summer – there is some negative that has tagged along, unfortunately. I’m not reffering to negative behavior or bad Middos, those – Boruch Hashem – he avoided. I’m reffering to the emotional. My son went to camp confident and fearless, but came back afraid of his own shaddow. He is afraid to walk home alone, and even afraid to go down to the dark basement for a moment or two just to retrieve something.

After making some inquiries, I discovered it is a result of a few stories some staff decided would be fun to tell the children. The stories consisted of previous staff members getting burnt and coming back to haunt the camp. My son described to me in graphic detail of how in previous years the entire bunkhouse (the one that he just spent his summer in) of children were ‘killed by shin daleds’.

The stories go on and on. This is something I believe needs to stop. Now, don’t get me wrong, as a staff member myself I had my fair share of this, I am guilty just like the staff who have scarred my son; in plays, after lights stories and overnights. I feel horrible for that. I would actually like to ask for forgiveness from all the people I may have phsychologically harmed, short term or long term.

The problem is a recurring one, I repeated those stories as a staff member because I heard them as a child. And it affected me for many years as well.

Let us establish this now, 99% of all kids in camp do not appreciate and cannot handle stories of this style content. Staff should be more sensitive and not play around with a kid’s future.

The Rebbe was against telling untrue stories to children.

Staff, please! Spend a few extra minutes before camp becoming more fluent with Likkutei Dibburim or other real jewish stories. Its no mitzva to scare a child.

Do you know what it feels like to be 14 years old and being afraid to walk home (around the corner) after school because of things your counselor or learning teacher told you six years earlier in camp?!?

Sincerely,
Father of a frightened child

Related Articles

40 Comments

  • go-d-s right hand man

    go-d bless you with words of wisdom to help your children be realistic and strong to be successful in today’s world

  • why?

    why cant you sign your name…are you embarrassed of yourself? i dont understand why we ch’ers are always anonymous…the kgb isnt interested in you. if you sign your name the article will bear more weight.

  • me too

    It is such a big problem when an otherwise frum authority figure lies to kids.
    Not to even mention scarring them so much.
    In a different context, when a teacher would be absent, sometimes the wife of the principal would fill in.
    She would tell the kids stories like if a black mom only had 10$ and her kids were hungry she would spent it on booze or smokes.
    Of course my kids would come home and tell me these stories.
    Try complaining about the wife to the principal.
    Then they would have this woman in high school for chumush.
    What a mess.

  • traumatised

    Although this has not happend to my children,as far as I am aware,(admittingly my children never went to camps for so long, so maybe in 2 weeks of camp there was not too much time in repeating these scarey stories), I know the camp leaders like to tell a “ghost story” around a campfire on a dark evening. I personally get scared very easily, and I am sure when I was young I would had been absolutely horrified listening to these stories, especially if they told me it was in my bunkhouse! Not a clever idea whoever came up with this idea.

  • boo hoo

    thats ridiculous, its part of growing up. u cant protect your kids from everything in life

  • Father of a Kid Also

    99% of all kids in camp do not appreciate and cannot handle stories of this style content.

    where do you come up with these numbers? Sounds like you have your own guilt issues? are you saying shin daleds dont exist?

  • Thank you!

    I think its ten times more effective, in a good way when you say true stories of the Rebbe. Kids need to know its a true story. As exciting as it may seem to the kids to hear a “spookie” story, its really not. Tell them true stories with valuable lessons and Yiras shamayim.

  • to#5

    boo hoo?
    not exactly sensitive…
    one thing i can hope – your not a therapist – lol

  • mother

    as a mother: I always hated stories involving shin-daleds and it would scare me if I was home alone. Stories of that should not be told to young children. Dramatizing a story could be good, but like this father said, if it will scare children for a long time, do not say them.
    They can listen to the Golom story on dvd and its not that scary.

  • a mother

    when my son was 10 ( he is now 18) we send him 2 “the” overnight camp he wanted 2 go (9 hrs away) he had a great great time and loved it (so he said) when he came home, he wouldn’t want 2 sleep near the window in his room, next came, he didn’t want me 2 stay in the room till he fell asleep, next came, he wanted 1 of his siblings 2 sleep in his room, next came, he would throw up be4 going 2 sleep and getting nervous, this went on for a while, he was lost, I didn’t know what 2 do, my husband really wasn’t supporting me in all this, I spoke w/ a friend of mine who is a social worker, she gave me a couple of points what I can work w/ and what I have 2 look out for….I tried speaking 2 him, I tried giving him extra TLC, it was hurting me 2 c him like that…going 2 school became not easy and going 2 bed became not easy…all this went away slowly. But every year after that putting him on the bus going 2 overnight camp was a nightmare for him (and for me) he would start 2 get nervous, starting 2 throw up, I just thought he doesn’t like 2 go away from home but we where on Shlichus at that time and my husband and I thought that the best thing for him is 2 spent 2 month in a Lubavitch overnight camp because we where living in a none Lubavitch community. Now he is 18 and goes oversees 2 Yeshiva, he loves it, he gives us nachas, he is a good student, his siblings r crazy about him, he still gets a little nervous when he goes away from home. The point is, I truly wish that I put more effort into it at the time but I didn’t, I was a young mother and I felt helpless. The only thing I got out of my son was that the platform plays the counselors preformed where scary for him and they really can b scary (for some kids). My youngest now is 9, he is not ready for overnight camp and when that time comes I will w/ all my power make sure I will not have the same experience as his older brother…Please speak 2 your child b4 u send him/her 2 overnight camp and built a relationship w/ your child that he/she will tell u everything.

  • Concerned Parent

    wow thank you very true its up to the Camp Heads to talk to their Staff and tell them how to speak to children.
    By the way all of you who comment and joke about what this father is saying is probaly effected by that as well the bottom line we have to careful what we tell our children and SCHOOLS should also be aware of this Thank you

  • wait

    Until its your kid….especially if he/she is even a little sensitive then all of you that discount such a true article will feel differently!!!!

  • ju

    Omg hes rite there are stories that should be rated R and are not ment for yong children!

  • Alford Hitchcock

    The Gemmara has many stories about Shin-Dalid’s and people communicating with the Dead. Maybe children should also not be told about what happened to Levi Kletsky A’H -not to scare them. Lets also not tell them about Korech being swallowed up, or about the girl in Sidom killed by the bees.. Get real.

  • been there

    good letter and great point!
    scaring kids is not mandatory! camp can go on very well without these stories and without using these methods.
    i am a man in my 50’s. when i was in my late teens, we had a frightful color war breakout in our camp, that had many children crying from fear. one even left camp as a result and was consequently deprived of a frum camp experience and environment. to this day (he is now in his 40’s), he is still embarrassed and upset about the whole matter. it should never have happened. it was not worth having this non-frum camper leave camp early on account of this episode.
    and to those that mock the letter-writer with such crude, arrogant and baseless talk: you should be ashamed of the way you speak! you wouldn’t be spouting so if it were your child who was harmed by such behavior. don’t be so quick to criticize and judge others, especially when they wish to make a good point to improve a situation. we should be thankful that this issue was brought to our attention.

  • Me

    To Number 12: This is not a text message, please use words like “two,” “to,” “too,” “you,” and “see.”

    To the author, both you and your son are incurable sissies.

  • Unbelievable

    To number 18: So fine _ let’s say the author and his son are (in your words)“incurable sissies”. Therefore they should be subjected to a situation which can scar for a long time or even life?! Just so those who are so called “tough” or not so sensitive can have their fun and cool scary story?! I just don’t get all those comments in favor of continuing the practice of these scary stories and bizarre color war breakouts when they are reading of the widespread negative consequences. I am sure the kids who enjoy these stories can have a wonderful quality camp experience without these stories. Those parents who want their kids exposed to these stories can send along books with such stories with their kids to camp. Just warn them not to read them to my wonderful well adjusted yet sensitive kid.

  • 2 comnt # 12

    u r nt a mthr. yr splng gramr n ur comnt sjest yr a dum imture bcher wth no life.

    My Point, Comment number 12 is invalid and should be removed. Moms dont go to Oholi Torah, There Kids do!

    Thnx & hv a gd dy.

  • Shomor Pessoim

    There are some people who are afraid of their own SHADDOW. Some say that the SHADdow is derived from the “SHED” ,that always follows us, and will strike if we are alone and are not careful.

  • Agree - BUT...

    I agree with you, But!
    “The Rebbe was against telling untrue stories to children.”

    When I was a staff member there was this safer going around that had a bunch of true Saidim story’s.

    “Spend a few extra minutes before camp becoming more fluent with Likkutei Dibburim.”

    Did you know that there is a shaidim story in Likkutei Dibburim!

    I must say that when I think back to my camper days one of the things that stuck out is the shaidim story’s. I LOVED THEM!

    (Except that it was not about my bunk house, It was about the other camp :)

  • To Perfectionist #21

    People in glass houses should throw stones. Your grammar and spelling isn’t to write home about either.

    Shtika L’chachomim yoffa – kal v’chomer L’tipshin

    “My Point, Comment number 12 is invalid and should be removed. Moms dont go to Oholi Torah, There Kids do!”

  • Eli

    To #2:
    And why didn’t YOU write your OWN name??
    Are you an equally anonymous chicken?

  • keeps getting better and better!

    Judging by how bad things are getting now, this comes as no surprise.
    This just reinforces what the Rebbe was screaming about in 1985 – by a Yud Bais Tammuz Farbrengen, that this whole idea of “camps” is a VILDE ZACH! Kids MUST be in an environment where they are learning for a good part of the day – just like when they learn in yeshiva a whole year! In fact, the Rebbe was screaming about why the Yeshivos close down for the summer in the first place?! IF THESE SAME KIDS WOULD BE SITTING AND LEARNING – THERE WOULDN’T BE HALF THE PROBLEMS THERE ARE TODAY! Who needs this “vildekeit” Who needs this shmutz – all in the name of what? Chassidishkeit? If these same kids would be sitting and learning – WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING, ACCORDING TO THE REBBE – all the mishugoyim, sadists, perverted child molesters, maniacs & sex-crazed sickos would be out-of-business! Didn’t you learn the hard way already?

  • dyanu!

    oh you all are absolutely pathetic! thats one of the great things about camp – telling scary stories! get over it!

  • spooked

    I agree with the writer. My son used to come home from school when he had a substitute. It seemed that by “bochrim” they think they are better teachers/counselors if they have the wackiest or scariest stories. Most were made up. Obviously a true story is okay, especially if there is some toichen you can learn from.
    But it is very damaging in the case of your son where they spooked them out that these stories actually “happened” in the camp he was in.

    Bochrim, please realze you are dealing with young impressionable neshamas..don’t mess them up

  • Thats correct!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That father is 100% RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    They shouldnt do what they did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • To Comment #25

    I believe you mean “People in glass houses should NOT throw stones”. Unless you have a good insurance policy and own a glass manufacturing company I cannot imagine why you would want to throw stones in a glass house…

  • CL

    To number 12: I am sure you have very important things to say but it’s unreadable due to the fact that you are writing like a pre-teen.
    Writer, please use spell check. You made a valid point but with many spelling errors.
    Responders, let’s try to come off as educated. Please use standard English when responding to a post.

  • Shlucha overseas

    As parents we send our kids to camp with great sacrifice, hoping they will be enriched by the experience. If you are a counsler you have a responsibility.We trust you with our most precious neshomelach. We plead with you to make the most of the time you interact with the children by giving them quality stories to strengthen their Yiras Shomayim and Emunas Tzaddikim for years to come.
    I cant sign my name cause my kids would´nt appreciate it although they probably could guess its me when they read this.

  • hapy go lky

    Your grammar and spelling isn’t to write home about either.

    HEHE yr splng sks as wll…

  • little old granny

    Years ago there was a color war breakout with a bear. It was so scary, most of the kids were traumatized, but one child literally had a nervous breakdown. Even as a young adult years later, he was not cured.
    Is it worth it to destroy a life?
    Yes, there are sin daled stories all over. But the true ones are not traumatizing. We all know Shlomo Hamelech messed with Ashmedai when building the beis hamikdash. There was even a children’s but about it, how Shlomo was cast into exile and Ashmedai impersonated him. It’s not terrifying.
    camp horror stories serve no holy purpose. Tell the kids the holy stories. Not the stupid ones that can (and unfortunatly have) destroyed campers lives.

  • end the sickness NOW!!!!!

    This sickness called “CAMP” has not only terrorized kids with stories, but lately we are finding out even more terrible things than just “scary stories”!
    Camps are like medicine. How? Just like when a person is R“L ill – he/she takes medicine to get well, if a WELL person would take the same medicine, they would get very sick! Here too, camps are for kids who DO NOT HAVE frumkeit a whole year, so for them – this little bit of (watered-down) atmosphere of ”yiddishkeit“ is better than nothing at all – BUT…not for kids who are ALREADY frum!? they don’t enhance a level of frumkeit, of chassidishkeit, of yiddishkeit – they TEAR IT DOWN TO SHREADS! When a kid sees an OIS VORF, SHAVEN counselor – who dresses, acts & talks ”cool“ he thinks – ”WOW! This is nothing like what I do at home, maybe I can be like that too?!”
    Then, you have mixed up kids, who become involved in drugs, frei-ing out, chillul shabbos, sex, etc. etc.
    IS THIS WHAT YOU ARE BREAKING YOUR NECKS FOR?! IS THIS WHAT YOU ARE PAYING THROUGH THE NOSE FOR?!
    Just send your your kids to public school – it’s a heck-of-a-lot cheaper – and they will come home with the same dreck!

  • totally true!

    why scare kids??? anyone who cant understand the simplicity, and unbenificial reasons for being careful what you tell a child, should not be a counselor, teacher, or parent. its basic. i am sure every one of the comments downplaying this article are from unmarried, irresponsible kids.

  • Think about it

    One doesn’t have to be a “Nancy” or a sissy to be affected in a negative way! Some children are sensitive or vulnerable to things. That’s just called sensitivity, but not in a BAD way. If parents are good ones, they understand the difference. And if counselors are good ones, they understand that, too. Responsible adults need to be aware of developmental stages and individual differences in each child. We are not a service to some group of photo copies. We are hopefully responsive to a child’s needs, including a need to feel safe and secure at camp.