Op-Ed: Coping with Infertility

From the Inbox: I can write about the pain of watching friends and younger siblings becoming moms, or the segulos I tried, but I’d rather talk about some of the upsides of the miserable reality of infertility.

Dear Friend,

I can tell you about the heartache of infertility, about the pain that only intensifies as I watch my friends, younger siblings and then some of my students move on to be young mothers B”H, while I am left behind. Or I can tell you about some of the more interesting Segulos I’ve tried. Esrog Jelly is actually not very tasty. Wearing a ruby. Asking 43 women to bake Challah for me on a Friday. I was Kvatter at enough Brissim, I think I can now upgrade to Mohel. Oh, and a scary smelling potion that a holy lady in Yerushalayim claims will do the trick.

I’d rather talk about some of the upsides of the miserable reality of infertility – of the strength I never knew I had, of the support I found in my husband and family, and most of all the new friends I made through the Crown Heights chapter of A T.I.M.E..

A TIME Crown Heights was founded by a group of women who saw a need for support and general education in the area of infertility in our community. Each month, a group of phenomenal women meet to become more educated, entertained and inspired by speakers and workshops. The Challah Demonstration was really fun with the famous Challah lady Mrs. Devorah Heller. Hearing from respected women in our community who have been through this same challenge really gives me the strength to go on. Yet best of all, we get a few blissful hours knowing that nobody there is wondering if we are expecting yet, or trying to calculate how long we are married, or bring up the topic about the latest and greatest baby products. The warmth and companionship, and yes, the shared pain, make our individual burdens a little easier to shoulder.

The atmosphere alone allows me to let go of the smiling facade I have constructed that will soon return once the two short hours of peace are over. It gives me back the social life that left me for the park with babies in tow. It gives me advice and an understanding shoulder. It gives me a place that I am accepted for who I am and not for the Nebach I might be mistaken for. Yes the pain is still real and sharp and nothing will take it away but it is a comfort to know that I’m not alone.

Yours Truly – Your sister, cousin, neighbor, or your best friend!

P.S. Don’t miss the opportunity!

A T.I.M.E Crown Heights invite all women experiencing infertility to join us for the next event with a Farbrengen / Q&A session with Rabbi Ulman, Shliach in Sydney, Australia. Come have all your questions answered with one of the leading Chabad Rabbonim in the matters of infertility.

This Shabbos afternoon, 23rd Sivan – 5:30pm IY”H
621 Crown Street #A6 (between Albany & Troy)

When mentioning this event to family and friends, please do so with sensitivity.

If you have any questions that you would like Rabbi Ulman to answer (they will be submitted anonymously), please e-mail us at atimech@gmail.com