A great person once told me that whenever she enters a room, the first thing she notices is the racial makeup of the people in the room. As an observer at last night’s question and answer session with Rabbis Manis Friedman and Yossi Paltiel, I was struck by how un-diverse the audience was. The room was brimming with an almost entirely young moderate- to very-chassidish crowd or those with the hergesh to wear white shirts on Gimmel Tammuz, if you will. Mostly older 770 bochurim and yungerleit.
What was more glaring was who were not there – the so-called single working class and the young Lubavitch college students. It is ironic that a program put on by the newly founded Besht Center did not attract an audience from their target group at one of its largest events of the year. But it is unsurprising considering how predictably unfulfilling these events tend to be. I only came down there because I felt I must do something on Gimmel Tammuz and because my friend paid my five-dollar admission fee.
Op-Ed: Friedman and Paltiel: Chassidishe Openness or the Thought Police?
A great person once told me that whenever she enters a room, the first thing she notices is the racial makeup of the people in the room. As an observer at last night’s question and answer session with Rabbis Manis Friedman and Yossi Paltiel, I was struck by how un-diverse the audience was. The room was brimming with an almost entirely young moderate- to very-chassidish crowd or those with the hergesh to wear white shirts on Gimmel Tammuz, if you will. Mostly older 770 bochurim and yungerleit.
What was more glaring was who were not there – the so-called single working class and the young Lubavitch college students. It is ironic that a program put on by the newly founded Besht Center did not attract an audience from their target group at one of its largest events of the year. But it is unsurprising considering how predictably unfulfilling these events tend to be. I only came down there because I felt I must do something on Gimmel Tammuz and because my friend paid my five-dollar admission fee.
Before moving on, it is necessary to explain what type of people make up this conspicuously absent demographic. There is a slew of young single men living in Crown Heights who have graduated from Lubavitch yeshivas and are presently working, preparing for their careers or shlichus, or hanging around looking for a match. They are smart, educated, and concerned about their spirituality and the future of the Lubavitch. Some are more chassidish and learned than others but the group also contains a few cynics. These boys have been around Lubavitch for enough years to predict the answer to nearly any question of chassidishe hadrocha. However, in the course of their grownup and professional lives, they see the world through fresh eyes and require more openness from chassidishe role models.
It would seem to the astute that any session geared toward answering the pressing questions of this rising demographic should be open to the real issues confronting the modern Lubavitch single. The issues tackled should include things that are uneasy, controversial, and not touched on in yeshiva. Profound issues of faith, Lubavitch historiography, dating, careers and business ethics, are topics that come to mind. Indeed, the stated agenda of the organizers was to address the realities faced by the young community and, as promised by the moderator and director of the Besht Center, Rabbi Mendel Kalmenson, “no holds barred.”
I thus find it odd that Rabbi Kalmenson was instrumental in preventing a much-needed boisterous and unabashed question and answer session. Rather than creating a forum for discussing pertinent ideas to a troubled and continually more disenchanted group of Lubavitch young people, the event became a patrimonial repetition of what anyone who has spent years in yeshiva has heard already. College is still prohibited; you can still be chassidish even if you are not a shliach; and everything occurring in the physical world is meaningless, so do not waste your time. Are we, who are 21-28 year old bochurim, still unsure whether it is considered ok to watch movies as a chassidishe yid?
This type of talk confirms what chassidishe people want to hear and gives a few moderates the moral support they need in their life choices. It provides everyone a few farbrengen-esque stories to giggle at and possibly draw a little inspiration from. However, it does not fill the vitally important goal of reaching out to the working class and giving them what they need to hear. Sadly, that group does not show up to these events because they have come to expect to be talked down to and to not be heard. Instead of being a progressive and open forum for vital answers, this is yeshiva all over again.
I tried to break this inability to use these sessions in an informative way last night by posing a difficult question for the panelists. I anonymously submitted the question to Rabbi Kalmenson on yellow legal paper. I watched him read the question and immediately hand it to Rabbis Friedman and Paltiel, who both grimaced.
Unlike the other questions asked, my question purposely pushed the line of what a good kabbolas ol’nick is supposed to ask, but not too far. The question was about the hadrocho that we received from the Rebbe over the years and its contemporary application sixteen years after his passing. I phrased it in a respectful way that made clear its importance to today’s Lubavitch young person. It seems like a recurring question that gets stronger with every passing Gimmel Tammuz. Two hours after submitting my challenging question, neither panelist bothered to address the question, all the while answering many less momentous questions.
It is unfortunate that these events are not helpful to the groups that need them most. With all due respect to the esteemed rabbis (Rabbi Paltiel was my teacher in yeshiva), they are doing more harm than good to Lubavitch young adults by ignoring legitimate questioning. There is an increasing need to explain the importance of a chassidishe lifestyle in today’s world, which seems more antithetical to chassidishkeit than it did sixteen long years ago. The people asking are committed to Lubavitch but they are confronted by challenges from within the community and from without. By evading well-intentioned questioners, the Rabbis are feeding the questioners’ challenges by implicitly conceding that they may not have the answers.
What Lubavitch needs today is not the same answers that are said to be tried-and-tested by years of experience. It is unhelpful to insist that nothing in Lubavitch has changed in the past sixteen years because so much has. Our challenges are a different type than those faced by our predecessors and certain baale batisheh behaviors have become the norm, if not the necessity. The internet grants unfiltered access to all sorts of information. Today’s job market increasingly requires advanced degrees and technical skills – not just Talmudic wits. Chabad lacks central leadership and has been decimated by years of public infighting. There are more families and mekuravim than ever, making Lubavitch a melting pot of ideas and expectations. Our young people need to know that our Lubavitch tradition provides them with guidance for tough issues.
I am friendly with good number of young chassidishe epikursim. These guys are exceedingly knowledgeable in Torah and Toras Hachassidus and come from good chassidishe, even gezhe, homes, yet believe in absolutely nothing. They have all been through the system and asked the hard questions to their mashpiyim. The derisive gripe I constantly hear from them is that faithful Lubavitchers are not intelligent people. Their measure of intelligence, while a bit skewed, is one’s ability to respond in kind to challenges. They believe that for there to be certainty in a belief, those espousing the ideas must be able to defend themselves against every reasonable line of attack. When these intelligent and inquisitive individuals approach mashpiyim, like Rabbis Friedman and Paltiel, and cannot receive an answer to a pressing question, they feel that their heresy is vindicated.
Furthermore, clever young Lubavitchers easily buy into all the detractors of Lubavitch, the biographers of beis harav, and the bloggers who are willing to tackle difficult issues head on. As much as insular Lubavitch tries to deny it, there are many modern threats that are stealing the fascination of Lubavitch youth. There desperately needs to be a forum to discuss some of the more educated attacks on Lubavitch’s credibility and integrity. Who is responding?
If Lubavitch still has something to offer its young people – and I believe it does – we need leaders who can respond to the populace, not the elites. As it stands now, many Lubavitch youth are becoming “modern” and some contend that contemporary Lubavitch is quickly becoming devoid of spiritual inspiration. Let our leaders stem this perception and make true Lubavitch values accessible to all of our own.
Thanks for sharing and caring
This is true not only in Crown Heights, but all across the country, including my own kids. I don’t know what to do, my mashpia and rav don’t know what to do, the principals of our school does not know what to do.
That is because simple faith and emunah was a given in my generation, but not in this one. I think that is why all of us don’t know what to do.
P.S. BTW I think you know the answer to your own question
mendel
I personally did not get any answers to my questions either. But I know where its at – the rebbe is moshiach and that’s all that matters to me.
dude
wow.
Unfortunately
I wish I wouldn’t agree with you, but what you say is true…
Shmuel
While I haven’t been involved in the Lubavitch Yeshiva system, I have been going to Chabad Houses’ since I was 14, as well as having Lubavitch family and considering myself more of a modern lubavitcher. I find it hard to connect with this crowd in Lubavitch that looks at me differently because I went to college. I agree with the author of this article that the attitude of the leadership needs to change and find a way to address those that don’t fit into their classical chassidishe molds.
Moshe emes VToraso Emes
The Torah does not change. Nor does the answers that a Mashpia would give. You are just looking for someone to give you a lisence to do what ever you want without guilt.
Green Tea
There are a lot more of these so called “young modern singles” than you think. its a fast rising demographic and even when one them marries, they tend to stay with the “group”.
Like it or not, this demographic is becoming fast growing in CH.
chaim
Wow its so true! What makes these rabbi’s educated enough to answer the question! I went. To college, after marriage, this helped me for my growing family. However I never changed my chassidsher upbring and view of life! Yes there’s room to grow after 16 years. The question is how will chabad treat these people. They will take your money but not your chassisher vort? Very helpful!
Concerned person from FL
I hear you and would be willing to try to tackle your question. Just one point some of the answers ARE the answers. They cannot be changed. One may or may not accept them but there are truth that cannot be changed. We may have a hard time we certain realities but that doesn’t mean we can change that reality.
Having said that I hope you’re still willing to give it a shot.
Let’s talk.
fakewood
this is a great post and they will make you take it down. i was curious about yesterdays event but i figured it would be like the author described and chose not to go. i guess i was right.
no offense
no offense, but you don’t know what your talking about,
i was there to and i think many vital things where covered
It-s up to you
Questions as the ones you seem to be suggesting are best answered in small groups. Perhaps you can be the one to set up a small group discussion series about these topics. You might want to gather a list of most pressing issues and bring in an inspiring mashpia, yungerman, shliach to address those concerns. And as the organizer, you can review the questions and answers to make sure they suit the needs that you address here.
You are the one who noticed the need – enough to address it publicly, you should be the one to do something about it. Are you just complaining, or are you committed to bringing change?
Why anonymous?
why would the site publish a bitter and negative piece like this? It is clear that this fellow has an agenda and was offended that the rabbis chose not to address his issue publicly. This deserves a headline on crownheights.info?
And why did the writer remain anonymous> if he’s got the answers maybe he should stand up and be recognized so that the besht center can ask HIM to speak next time.!
common folks, a bissel discression.
Perhaps it was not the right setting....
Perhaps the panel decided that being, as you mentioned, that the majority of the bochurim present did not have the same questions as you, it would be prudent not to discuss it at that juncture. Certainly you believe that if the more modern, college attending, fundamentally questioning young people were the core audience, the substance and tone would have been quite different. Perhaps you need to approach a Mashpia privately and discuss your questions.
Sarah
If they don’t accept the time-honored traditions of Lubavitch as given to us by the Rebbeim, then what would Lubavitch be?
I am confused by this young man’s insistence on asking the “tough questions”. You know the answers, you’ve been through the system, you know right from wrong.
Yes, you can be a professional and be frum and raise a Chassidishe family. Yes, the secular world is a terrifyingly immoral place and the images and language that you are assaulted with when you watch a film today can only have a negative impact on your spiritual state. Duh.
What’s there to ask?
Most of what you bring up is a simple lack of emunas and yiras hashem. What you describe as Chassidish hanhagos are religious ones. Are the “chassidishe apikoros” being more observant or less? The answer is less, much less. If it was the reverse, you would have a valid point. Unfortunately, this is not exclusive to Lubavitch. Every community has people falling away, and we see things through the narrow lens of Crown Heights. This is a generational problem that has affected everyone from Williamsburg to Woodmere and everywhere between.
If one’s faith is faltering, and they are not happy about this downward progression, they should talk to people, one-on-one, who can help. This is what a mashpia is for. And if your mashpia doesn’t get your questions, then find one who will.
One cannot know with absolute certainty ANYTHING. We are limited beings. We know truth only because we start from a place of belief. So talking about these things over and over, won’t get you the right answers intellectually. Because if you go by what your limited mind can see and hear, you won’t believe in much. But Jews are maminim bnei mamainim and you need to take comfort in that. That we all have doubts, but essentially we know Who is our Creator and Who runs the world.
If the young people are choosing to act in ways that are contradictory to the chassidishe lifestyle, they cannot “have the cake and eat it too”; get approbation for doing their own thing that is contradictory to their upbringing and schooling. They need to know where we as a community and a Chassidic group stand, and then, having bechirah, can choose whether they want to live that way or not.
WOW
This is the most impressive piece of writing on this subject that i have seen to date. As a 1960’s era “b.t” this perspective is certainly not mine, but one that fascinates me.
I think all of us, whatever our “demographic”, are looking for leadership today. I know I have been sorely disappointed by those I’ve looked to for guidance since the first Gimmel Tammuz. To have to come of age in this period is something I personally would hate to have to do; it complicates things immeasurably.
Perhaps there is a way for people like you and people like me to meet and share perspectives. If the chabad “professionals” don’t satisfy, maybe an “each one teach one” approach might work with the teaching going both ways. I don’t presume to be the teacher based on just age or life experience. My e-mail address is on file and you have my permission to access it if you so choose.
TO #!15
Very well said!
Niz
Thanks for this wonderful, thought provoking piece. You’re on the right track.
The guy who paid the $5
I do not understand why people need to know who the author of an op-ed is. The reason for remaining anonymous is so that people can focus on discussing the ideas instead of just criticizing the author. I think that the ideas the author brought up are vital and increasingly apparent in modern Lubavitch, which as I walk the streets of Crown Heights, appears to be getting closer and closer to modern orthodoxy (not that I have a problem with that).
I was at the event last night and many of my questions were not answered. Instead there were many memorable quotes, such as:
“Nobody should go to university”; “university doesn’t teach anyone anything and is not an open forum for idea-sharing”; “you don’t need to know what is going on in the world; what you need to know will come to you”; and to take the cake, “you’ll know the girl is right for you if she makes you feel like a man (whatever that means)”. Statements like these are just several examples of avoidance, hard-lining and intolerance on many important issues.
I found that Rabbi Paltiel kept mentioning what “the Rebbe would want” or what “the Rebbe said”. For many people, who like to think for themselves, the questions are more along the lines of: “would the Rebbe still maintain his positions about secular education and many other issues today? And, if he would, would he be right in doing so?”; “Does the Rebbe still really ‘run the world’ many years after his passing?“; ”Does it make sense to say he does? Or, maybe people are just hanging on to a breaking thread with every ounce of their strength and really it’s just time to move on?”
Judaism in general and Chabad in particular have evolved many times over the centuries and so, in many people’s minds, to speak of “one truth and nothing but the truth” is an exaggeration and simply not true. This is one phase of the evolution that we’re witnessing now.
Nailed It
A couple of thoughts…. I was not there but i also was wondering the same thing as I looked at the pictures. Namely, if the forum was to address difficult topics about business etc.. then why aren’t there any business people there? Secondly, I think I may have written this Op-Ed by myself in my sleep, because the author nailed my sentiments that I have been felling about Lubavitch for a number of years RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES!
Bais Shmuel
i agree with some of what you write here, but why are you so cynical to the young “working class” as yo call it, while you and all the so called Chassidishe Bochurim were at this event that you say is a waste of time, there was a beautiful Farbrengen Happening in the JCM which was full of the young prime of Lubavitch
Poor Yingeleh
Oy poor yingele!! your ultra ultra important question wasnt answered and you took offense to tha…… oy poor zeeskeit, here lemme make it all better. GIVE ME A BREAK!
AM
Thank you for posting this, as i was there & i share the authors sentiments.
tomorrow
I’d love to see the sequel to thos op-ed after the author sits down privately withRabbi Friedman or Paltiel to get his answeres. maybe just maybe the question wasnt able to be answered publicly?
Enough whining
Great list of problems…what’s YOUR solution? Telling the leadership to address issues? DUH! What exactly would you like done? Any constructive suggestions? Not a one? I’m not surprised. Negatives like you get nowhere in life (and I don’t mean money) because you’re constantly whining with broad-brush statements that reveal a deep and frightening (it should be to you) darkness. You know, your attitude is a choice and your happiness is no one’s responsibility but yours. It’s not your parent’s fault. It’s not your mashpia’s fault. It’s not your Rosh Yeshiva’s fault. It’s not the community’s fault. You’re a big boy. (While it’s true that there are aspects of the “system” that need to be fixed, I don’t hear anything constructive from you and regardless, that doesn’t absolve you of your personal responsibility, therefore…) It’s YOUR fault. How about a self critique of yourself rather than others for a change? How about thinking about where you are and how you fit in, instead of the other way? I suspect you might be pleasantly surprised…only if you get rid of the negativity, though.
Matir Issurim
You are not going to be happy until someone tells you that all of your sfeikos are justified and true. so go do kol davar assur happily with a light heart. you’re right and everyone else is wrong. Your writing shows that you are a “little bit” self centered. brech zich a bissel. maybe have some more kabolas ol instead of trashing it.
A Reader
I am not sure if I agree with the author, as I was not there and can appreciate that there may have been other considerations. However, I was very impressed by his English, which was considerably better than the drivel that most of the commenters used instead of English.
sad
are you looking for “permission” and vslidity for the choices you make which are contrary to what chassidishe hanhagah directs?
are you saying that that which the Rebbe has CLEARLY stated about college does not (CV) apply to today’s youth?
are you seeking so-called intelligent “answers” when clearly you know what the right answer is?
It would be self-destructive for the advisors to give you advice contrary to our own beliefs on the premise that “todays’s youth is not yesterday’s youth”.
cg
You sound like you went to this event with the notion that you wouldn’t get any answers. (you werent really interested but a friend paid your admission.) Well you got what you wanted. YOu werent interested in hearing answers so you didn’t open you mind to hear them. I find it impossible believe that Rabbi Friedman and Rabbi Paltiel came together and did not have answers.
You may have misread the sitch
I am impressed with the level and caliber of this writing, and in fact that of the responders as well.
I agree with commenter #14. You yourself say that those who seem to have the tough questions were largely not in attendance. Being highly intelligent and sensitive individuals, Rabbis Friedman and Paltiel surely sized up the demographic in attendance and consciously chose to skip over your question. I have heard Rabbi Friedman speak to crowds of the type that you describe (the no-show group) and he is NO WAY afraid of the tough questions. He’ll pull no punches. As a matter of fact, the tougher the questions the more he seems to enjoy the experience. Call him yourself and ask him to speak for a bunch of your crowd. You will be pleasantly surprised. But be open minded and willing to accept that some things are just wrong, even if “everyone is doing them.”
u lubavitch?????
1. go find yourself a good lubavitcher mashpia-i guarentee there are answers for your questions.
2. stop putting questions into young minds. Just because you lack faith, doesnt mean you should tell others that our Rabbis have no answers.
3.You dont sound very proud to be lubavitch
4. Whats your name? I want to make sure not to date you????
coordinator
This is an excellent article. I feel for you and with you. I am from an old lubavitch family. Though I am much older, I decided to attend university (in the70-80’s) and I became a cardiologist. During my education years I was a bit ostracized by Anash, but I didn’t care. I stayed frum, never missed a day of tefillin, or kashrus or shabbos etc. When I was all done and people around me were surprised that “hey you’re still frum” etc., they were warm some even welcoming me back. Today I lead a very frum life. I don’t dress chabad I may not act chabad but that is all Chitzonios. Those who know me really know where i stand. (I am purposefully keeping my ID anonymous but read carefully and you’ll know who I am)
I grew up and was raised by an inner belief. Questions that arose while studying science etc were challenging but at the end I found answers to most questions. I have lectured on this topic.
Unfortunately we live in dangerous times. While Chabad is great at attracting the unaffiliated, it has a lot of trouble with our own. Chabad mashpiyim, shluchim set a standard and if not satisfied then too bad. These individuals don’t have the answers, in fact they have no clue.
If the besht center is serious about answering questions stimulating thought amongst the disenfranchised youth then they should be inviting prominent business leaders, lawyers, doctors etc ie professionals who somehow survived and are flourishing. If you want a legal opinion you go to a lawyer if you want a a medical opinion you go to a doctor. If you want to know how to stay frum in this world then you ask someone who did it.
I am open for questions
YOUR REAL QUESTION!!
It seems to me that your question is “HOW CAN I BE CHASSIDISH, WHILE DOING THINGS THAT ARE NOT CONSIDERED CHASSIDISH??” for example, trimming your beard…
Answer: YOU CANT!!!
Fantasies?
To the author:
Very clever. Very clever indeed.
You have not mentioned what exactly it was that you asked those rabbis, but I assume you made the right choice not to.
Yes. I agree that there is a growing problem of young Lubavitchers today whom are slipping off the path, but there is no “ONE reason” for this problem.
This problem is a result of MANY issues that plague Lubavitch (and other Kehilos as well) today.
Among the many issues, there is one that stands out:
Kids are confused. A father forces his 8 year old child out of bed 6:30 in the morning to go to the Mikvah, but that same father watches movies and walks around Crown Heights with jeans, crocs and a trimmed beard, and his mother walks around with short sleeves, a short skirt and a tichel that is half-off. How ironic!
But wait! That same father makes sure to get an Aliyah before Yud Shvat and Gimmel Tammuz, and that same mother makes sure to say Chitas, but the father talks throughout the whole davening, and the mother uses filthy language, and talks and laughs freely with other men.
What do you expect that child to think? The child hates getting up so early! He is, after all, a child!
This child is at risk.
Why are you forcing your 8 year old child to go to the Mikvah at 6:30 am? The child is not required to go to the Mikvah, and certainly not at 6:30am!
The child IS, however, required to wear Tzitzis, and dress like a Chossid, and to Daven and learn. But the father never made those things important for the son, and the mother never made Tznius important for the daughter.
That child now hates Lubavitch and he hates Yiddishkeit. Why? Because what is yiddishkeit? – being forced to go to the Mikvah? Getting an Aliyah before Yud Shvat?
Such parents destroy their children’s feeling for Yiddishkeit (the “Varemkeit” of Yiddishkeit) before it even has a chance to blossom.
This is one of the primary reasons why our young are drifting away, they simply don’t enjoy the lifestyle, they want to do something that they enjoy.
If you taught them how to enjoy being a good Jew, than that’s what they would enjoy. But you didn’t, you made them hate Yiddishkeit, and now there are consequences.
When you speak of “the working class”, you are referring to “the modern class”. My father is a very Chassidishe Yid, and he has “worked” all his life. I know many other Chassidishe Yidden who deal in jewelry, furniture, stocks and many other trades. They all feel very accomplished even though they are not on Shlichus.
Yehoshua Werde
My name is Yehoshua Werde I am the director of the Besht center
I am sorry that this event did not address your needs, and would look forward to work with you to address your concerns
and make a difference in the lives of the demographic you speak of please contact me at Rwerde@gmail.com
Binyomin please post this on top
Thank You
Your article is thoughtful, direct, respectful and important. Thank you for giving voice to these concerns that so many of us share; you presented a difficult topic with both frankness and sensitivity.
I hope that those who can make a difference recognize your sincerity, are impacted by this strong message, and choose to take action.
You da best!
Go Rabbi Kalmenson!!!
curious
What was the question you had sent over to Rabbi Friedman/Paltiel?
esther in LA
i’m sorry but did the author really want answers or was he just trying “to stir the pot”? i don’t see how this situation can be solved when so many people in this younger generation lack basic kabalos ol.i wish there was an easy answer but obviously there isn’t.all each of us,who are not rabanim,community leaders etc.can do is to love our kids unconditionally or at least try to.
Torah he nitzchiyus
The Torah does not change. Nor does the answers that a Mashpia would give. You are just looking for someone to give you a lisence to do what ever you want without guilt.
answer me please
I dont know who this guy is but he is certainly an impressive writer!! And I dont mean the content I mean the sentence structure/grammar etc..
oh dont mind me I just finished a composition writing class in colle…oh oops. Shh dont tell, you are not supposed to go to that bad bad place.
seriously why was the Rebbe so against college? What were the fundamental reasons? Because I think I can honestly say that there are College options out there that no longer hold true to those issues. College today has separate mens and womens divisions- its almost like being in highschool or yeshiva. There isnt much of a difference aside from the topics learned.
A member of -that- demographic
Yesterday a friend of mine told me “What is 3 Tammuz? The launching of Lubavitch Inc.”
Lubavitch Inc. has not built an infrastructure and especially none for the B’t’s, and today more b’t’s are getting divorced than ever.
Lubavitch Inc. is not interested in the little guy of crown-heights, it is an international organisation selling a certain brand of Judaism nothing more nothing less.
People who have become disfranchised only have one recourse, and must admit that the late Lubavitcher Rebbe invested in the wrong people. Maybe Simpson would have done a better job.
I went through the system etc. to come to some sort of solution all the aspects of all issues must be looked at. A good beginning is calling a spade a spade.
The OP-ED is a phony
I truly do not know who this writer is trying to impress or embarrass. The program was excellent. The crowd was diverse, as I know many of the boys who were there. Rabbi Werde who runs the Besht center deals with just the boys you are saying are being swept under the table.
Who are you, and what is your problem?
Dov CH
Wow, this is so true, but it tends to be shoved under the rug here in CH and throughout Lubavitch. I consider myself one of “these youth” in lubavitch today and I still go to a shul once a week, but believe me there are many people I know who are not affiliated at all – how sad. I’m not going to get into details but there are a few things that Lubavitch today is not addressing and the problems will not go away. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe our Chasidic philosophy has a depth that is not found amongst any other Jewish Orthodox sect and provides practical answers to many of life’s dilemmas.
#13 Kudos to crownheights.info for posting Op-eds from both perspectives unlike another site that is one-sided. The beauty of the internet is that all ideas can be expressed not just those that are sanctioned by the establishment.
Pink Elephant
Hey folks, get the elephant out of the room.
16 years and Kalmanson compares the Rebbe’s passing to Moshe Rabbenu’s extra night on the mountain?
Wake up. You made up a theology and the young people are not buying it. BORUCH HASHEM.
EXCEPT that they need gudance and true chassidishe leadership. Not robots mouthing “the emess never changes”. In fact that is a total misunderstanding of emess/tiferess.
Here is the low down as from what I have heard (privately) from my rov/mashpia. [Hopefully he may emerge as the 3rd dayan in CHT’s and perhaps we can progress from there.]. The Zohar says (Breshis 139a-b) that mashiach will be here with all done and finished by the 8th year of the 4th century of the 6th millenia. (5408. In secular years that is 1648.) He didn’t come. Until WWII that year (Tach VeTat) represented the Holocaust. Chmielnitzki. Has the Zohar been demoted (by the Baal Shem etc..) because of that? So, he asks, why can Lubavitcher chassidim not just accept that “we lost it” and get on with life? It will not diminish the greatness of the Rebbe. On the contrary. The current free roaming rights given the Tfassim in 770 (because everyone is afraid to adnit that the elephant is there and -surprise- indeed it is an elephant); together with a continuation of the axiom that he is still the mashiach, eventually will leave Lubavitch as a case history for psycho-babble analysts. (It’s here already, but you ain’t ssen nuttin yet. Wait till the shrinks try to retro-psychoanalyze “the self proclaimed messiah”…).
He is correct. Until that happens more and more young-becoming-smart ones will be dropping off like leaves in autumn.
The Fifth Son
I guess you can count me in as part of the ex-bochur-turned-modern-“heretic” crowd; I didn’t even know it was gimmel tammuz until i just visited crownheights.info. not that it would’ve mattered, considering how busy i’ve been shaving my beard, frolicking with promiscuous gentile girls, taking the Lord’s name in vain, and, worst of all, filling my head with secular studies.
quite a departure from several years ago when i was the one conducting the farbrengens for the younger bochurim…
B H
Thank you for sharing such a gutsy and well-written, intelligent piece.
Unfortunately, fear is used to keep people under control. “Be afraid of the secular world!” You’re only supposed to fear G-d. If you’re a rational person and have strong values, there is plenty of positive stuff to learn from the secular world which can enhance your understanding of everything Hashem has provided. I’m not a fan of being afraid, going through life with blinders on.
Yes, Sarah, we’re limited beings. But if we regress to such a mentality and don’t bother to expand our knowledge with the brains Hashem gave us, we’re being lazy and doing a disservice to our Creator, the world and ourselves. Look at how much innovation has come from Jews: http://www.jinfo.org/Nobel_…
It’s difficult to be a light unto other nations when we’re afraid and keep the light to ourselves.
Pinchos Woolstone
The absence of the Rebbe is an extra challenge that we in Chabad are confronting, some more some less, some consciously some subconsciously.
We are not alone in the challenge of young people drifting, it is occuring in all frum communities in Israel and throughout the entire world.
The secular world entices many.
The need for parnosoh leads some to contemplate college education; life is expensive and unskilled labour is badly paid.
Ever generation has its challenges, whatever happens we need to be positive.
I was at the Ohel over Gimmel Tammuz and witnessed a group of young men who may self describe as Chabad-Lite, deep in dicussion about their lives, the Rebbe, their futures, it was a farbrengen of seekers of truth. I came away very upbeet about our collective future.
People need opportunities to talk and share.
We are the inheritors of generations of Chassidic wisdom and warm, all of need to let it influence and enrich our daily lives.
Every drop of inspiration leaves it mark.
getreal
Dear Anonymous,
Let’s look at some of the comments here. Not from those who agree with you, as we are not going to learn anything new there.
How about these:
‘Moshe emes VToraso Emes’: “The Torah does not change. Nor does the answers that a Mashpia would give. You are just looking for someone to give you a lisence to do what ever you want without guilt.”
(Let’s agree to ignore the spelling errors, shall we?)
‘Concerned person from FL’: “…some of the answers ARE the answers.”
And, of course, ‘Sarah’: “talking about these things over and over, won’t get you the right answers intellectually.”
There is no choice but to agree with them. Yes, we already know all the answers! They are just not the ones that we want to hear.
Can a peace-loving Muslim reject an idea of jihad and remain a good Muslim? Can a Jew have “faltering faith” and expect not to be considered “wicked” WITHIN OUR IDEOLOGICAL SYSTEM?
Our ideology knows no compromises. Everything is black and white, just like the clothes we wear.
Let us not be surprised that our leaders are not giving us the answers we seek. Let us rather ask why our leaders, knowing that our ideology does not provide for the answers that we want to hear, are not as honest and direct with us as some of the comment-posting readers here.
The answer is simple: our leaders can’t afford it. Of course, they don’t have to worry about the black-and-white crowd. These are the “good son” and they are the minority. But those who live in the world comprised of shades of gray, those with the unanswerable questions, the other three sons? Those are the great gray multitude that our leadership may love to, but cannot afford to lose. Those are the people who actually have to work for a living and must be exposed to the real world; they are the ones who support the community (and the leadership) with their purchases and charitable donations. Whatever their doubts, they still maintain kosher homes, observe Shabbos, have many children, raise them as observant Jews, send them to yeshiva… They are the ones who perpetuate the Jewish life.
In Lubavitch, however, there is an entirely new paradigm. We are now in the business of making money out of Yiddishkeit. Who in Lubavitch is now interested in promoting real, long- term Jewish life? Why bring people over? Think about it: observance results in huge drop of disposable income. Jewish life is expensive – you make less and spend more. You can’t expect much material support from a bunch of observants, whether they are BTs or FFBs. They give little, but they demand a lot! They want real, good-quality Jewish education for their many children. They also want all these pesky questions answered. What a headache!
Instead, there is a great short-term business model, predicated upon maintaining the core of undiluted, uncompromising, “original” chassidishkeit-bearing Jews. This group is guaranteed to attract, like a powerful magnet, a continuous stream of wealthy, drive-to-shul-on-Shabbos losers who are dying to rub shoulders with a capote-clad, black-and-white, AUTHENTIC (!) rabbi. The attendance, combined, of course, with fat donations, works very well to calm the guilty Jewish conscience. What a mutually beneficial, good-all-around arrangement!
“Short-term”, I said, because all this, inevitably, results in the erosion of values. The cynicism you write about has not originated in you or some of your friends. It started with the leadership, and now it is just following the natural process of moving down through the ranks.
Let’s not lose hope though. It is naive to suppose that there was ever a society as simple and perfect as our ideology strains to suggest. There has been a tremendous amount of whitewashing effort that prevents us to perceive the complexity and contradictions of live as related in our own sacred writings. There were great people acting in a questionable way, and heretics that are remembered with respect. Life was real for our forefathers just like it is for us, no matter how much our leaders would want us to believe otherwise. There always were and alwasy will be the unanswerable questions.
Mendel
I blv articles written should only be posted if the writer’s name is attached.
anonnymous? this is not honest journalism,
CRITICIZING IS EASIER THAN DOING
IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME HOW ONE CAN SPEND SO MUCH TIME AND WRITING TALENT IN ORDER TO CRITICIZE ANOTHER’S POSITIVE EFFORTS AND CONTRIBUTIONS TO OUR COMMUNITY.
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY PEOPLE SHOWED UP TO HEAR TWO WONDERFUL MASHPIUM. THAT MEANS THAT “WHITE SHIRTS” ALSO NEED INSPIRATION AND LEADERSHIP….OR ELSE THEY WOULD NOT HAVE HAD SUCH AN OUTSTANDING SHOWING. AND THEY AND I GOT A LOT OF NEEDED HISOIROROIS FROM THEM.
DID YOU EVER THINK THAT THE QUESTION YOU SUBMITTED MAY NOT HAVE BEEN AS PERTINENT AS OTHERS THAT WERE HANDED IN, & THAT PERHAPS THAT IS WHY IT WAS NOT READ? DO I DETECT AN ENLARGED EGO & A BIT OF PARANOIA?
AND DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT THERE WAS A SIMULTANEOUS FARBRENGEN WITH AN EXCELLENT FARBRENGER IN THE BESHT CENTER ITSELF– FOR BOCHURIM WHOSE SHIRTS WERE NOT NECESSARILY WHITE? WELL THERE WAS, AND MY BROTHER LEFT THERE VERY UPLIFTED.
SO….INSTEAD OF CRITICIZING SOMEONE’S SINCERE EFFORTS TO DO GOOD, SOMETHING THAT WAS POSITIVE …TRY TO DO SOMETHING YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE. USE YOUR TALENTS TO BUILD.
DESTROYING IS CHEAP. AND DOING IT ANONYMOUSLY IS COWARDLY.
CRITICIZING IS EASIER THAN DOING
IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME HOW ONE CAN SPEND SO MUCH TIME AND WRITING TALENT IN ORDER TO CRITICIZE ANOTHER’S POSITIVE EFFORTS AND CONTRIBUTIONS TO OUR COMMUNITY.
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY PEOPLE SHOWED UP TO HEAR TWO WONDERFUL MASHPIUM. THAT MEANS THAT “WHITE SHIRTS” ALSO NEED INSPIRATION AND LEADERSHIP….OR ELSE THEY WOULD NOT HAVE HAD SUCH AN OUTSTANDING SHOWING. AND THEY AND I GOT A LOT OF NEEDED HISOIROROIS FROM THEM.
DID YOU EVER THINK THAT THE QUESTION YOU SUBMITTED MAY NOT HAVE BEEN AS PERTINENT AS OTHERS THAT WERE HANDED IN, & THAT PERHAPS THAT IS WHY IT WAS NOT READ? DO I DETECT AN ENLARGED EGO & A BIT OF PARANOIA?
AND DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT THERE WAS A SIMULTANEOUS FARBRENGEN WITH AN EXCELLENT FARBRENGER IN THE BESHT CENTER ITSELF– FOR BOCHURIM WHOSE SHIRTS WERE NOT NECESSARILY WHITE? WELL THERE WAS, AND MY BROTHER LEFT THERE VERY UPLIFTED.
SO….INSTEAD OF CRITICIZING SOMEONE’S SINCERE EFFORTS TO DO GOOD, SOMETHING THAT WAS POSITIVE …TRY TO DO SOMETHING YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE. USE YOUR TALENTS TO BUILD.
DESTROYING IS CHEAP. AND DOING IT ANONYMOUSLY IS COWARDLY.
Bored
To 13:
Why is this a negative post? The writer has his/her reasons (was this for females as well or was it an all-male attendance?) for being anonymous and should be respected. I didn’t see anything negative in this write-up on the contrary, the writer has a way with words and gets a lot of information accross in a few sentences.
What I would say is that at least you have 2 rabbis (and probably more) who will make the time to listen and answer questions to the best of their ability and there’s no reason not to approach them again – for all you know they may have the same quetions you have but have no one to approach, at least you have someone to approach!
A MOTHER
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD……
Listen to 12. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
KM
If you’re serious about wanting to have questions like that answered the person you need is Mrs. Bronya Shaffer.
Don-t ask the wrong questions.
Organized religion is not defensible. At it’s core, it is profoundly illogical, irrational, contradictory, and often hypocritical. Asking “why” was your first mistake. The sufficiently brainwashed don’t ask why. They follow, they capitulate, they concede, and they blindly accept — that’s it.
If you can’t appreciate this mentality, you don’t belong in the community. And if your ability to string together more than two coherent sentences is any indication, you won’t be around for much longer anyway.
to the coordinator
Dr. M — you make Feter Shlaymeh proud!
YISROEL
THESE IDEAS HAVE BEEN GOING AROUND FOREVER.
NOTHING TO GET EXCITED ABOUT.
HONESTY IS NOT PUT ONTO A WEBSITE LIKE THIS.
IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT THAN REFORM JUDAISM? OR KORACH? TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE, IF YOU CAN.
To all the bashers:
It funny criticizing someone for 1) being anonymous and b) having an agenda.
Can anonymous people actually have an agenda? If anonymous writing is truly as uninfluential as people suppose, how would they be able to push an agenda?
The truth is that this guy obviously recognizes that there are three reasons not to announce his name to the world:
1) Because it distorts the message when naysayers directly attack the messenger instead of taking the message to heart. If the message is a good message, it should be good no matter the level of faith, family status, or color of the shirt of the author.
2) Because as a Bochur he does not have the clout to influence people the way other Lubavitch leaders do. He is not calling for a grassroots change in Lubavitch, he is giving a chide to the Mashpiim and organizations that already have the influence.
3) Because what he wrote is so “uneasy” that people in the community, including his own family and potential future family, will misjudge him for it. Reading his words, it is obvious that he cares deeply about Lubavitch and that he, himself, is a Chossid. Reading the commenters here, however, shows just how quick everyone is to judge without thinking about the facts. One girl even vowed not to marry him because of his concerns — do you think he should allow himself to be ostracized from the entire community that he cares about?
a girl :)
i would marryu this guy!!!!
from the way he rights he will defiantly be succesful and from the way he thinks he is the future of lubavitch
Shrink
Questions are always good, but you have to open to hear the answers.
The author article claims that he only went because someone else paid the five bucks. For me, that is the beginning, middle and end of the story.
His question was not even worth five bucks to him. Had he truly wanted an answer, he would have hung around to confront the rabbis directly at the end of the event. But he did not such thing, because he did not want an answer.
As a psychologist, I recognize this as passive-aggressive behavior and would not be surprised if this issue spilled into other areas of his life.
Next time, if you really want to learn something, offer up the five bucks. If it does not even that much to you to ask your question, the answers will invariably be worth a lot less.
hevel havolim
It would seem to me that anyone who does not make an effort to think about chassidus before davening every day has no objective view of reality. Read or watch a farbrengen by the Rebbe. Then read this article. The two do not perceive the universe in anything close to the same way, regardless of which sicha you choose and the facts of the article. Now, even the poor yidden who have forsaken the most beautiful gift in the world, their chassidishe upbringing, by-and-large agree that the Rebbe’s view of reality is emes. What does that make this article? If it’s not predicated on yiras shamayim, bitcahon, simcha, etc. then why should it be easy for a mashpia to understand it? You wonder why only this disenfranchised group “gets” what they get, why they’re alienated from the chassidishe mainstream — it’s because, as is obvious from reading a little tanya, *chassidus changes the way you think*.
It only takes two or three days without a constant connection to chassidic thought, I find, to completely lose onself in one’s own subjective, emotional, construed reality. Seriously, on a day where you actually connect to chassidus and daven well come back and read what you’ve written and you yourself will be amazed at how wrong you can be.
MUST-READ SICHA ON THIS SUBJECT:
I would sugest all of us to first read and learn the rebbes sichos about these issues and then comment.
we have very clear guidelines of the rebbe on this.
YIDDISH:
http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfp…
IVRIT:
http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfp…
THIS IS LUBAVITCH IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, THE REBBE DIDNT BEND AN INCH TO GOYISHKAYT!!
ITS HARD SOMETIMES BUT THAT’S NOT A REASON TO MAKE A SHITA OF IT.
IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT THE TRUTH STAYS THE TRUTH!
Sruly
You mentioned that it was the wrong crowed, because the crowed that attended were all wearing hats and jackets, while the crowd that should’ve attended should be wearing blue shirts etc.
What about somebody like me!? I want to be good but just doesn’t have what it takes to be a Shliach (or to lazy to try), I also will become a business man, what should i do? can i go to collage?
This was the crowd that attended and this was who they were answering!
PS. sorry for any spelling mistakes, i never lernt english, hence my wanting to go to college.
Just another mother in Crown Heights
#13, your cynicism is showing. The one thing with which I partially agree in your response is the author’s command of English. It is truly a delight to read something that is so well-written.
This is an AMAZING article & sadly, very true. I am thankful that my children are B“H Chassidish (some more so than others, but they are all FRUM.) However, I see enough going on round here to acknowledge the veracity of this author’s piece. Young people with questions & conflicts are cast aside like last year’s fashion styles by those to whom they should be able to turn: our ”Rabbis“, educators, & professionals.
It needed to be said. And it IS a pity, albeit understandable, that you don’t feel comfortable signing your name. I’m also very surprised Rabbi Friedman wouldn’t tackle your fundamental question. I’m left suspecting that if the answer is ”out there”, these issues & crises of faith we are all dealing with on one level or another would never have arisen. If he, of all people, won’t address this basic, underlying dilemma, how on earth are ordinary parents & ill-equipped educators supposed to answer our youth?
sarah
wekk said, #30 and #34.
JUST WHAT I FELL
Montrealer
To The Coordinator:
If this is you, then why don’t you mention the mixed swimming, the trimmed beard and the whole thing. Thank God you’re frum and your father could still have some nachas from you.
It wasn’t a good idea then and it isn’t now.
You’re a good guy and God know we all love, nor dos felt ois that you should be a dugmeh chayeh
To # 61
If you are really a shrink, you have no professional ethics and you should be stripped of your license. How do you go around diagnosing people who you never met? You know absolutely nothing about the author and you should be ashamed.
Montrealer
correction:
“God know we all love” should read: God know we all love you
The lively guy collecting the money
Dear author.
When you wrote “ I was struck by how un-diverse the audience was” and explained that most guys were not working or in college I must tell you that you are very wrong about that and therefore your premise is based on a non-truth, if you were actually there you might remember me, I was the “hat and jacket”ed guy up front collecting the money and of the 200+ people that came I can testify that I knew close to 150. I’m in Touro college getting a psychology degree and at least 30 other guys there with me are either in my classes or school (that goes also that I knew another 10 people there in Brooklyn college or Colombia), from the rest there must be at least another 50 working class guy and most of the rest are currently in either 770 or Kollel preparing themselves for life for either Shlichus or will be going to college after they are married like the Rebbe proposed to some.
So please before you write an article and want to build an emotion or a premise to what you are saying don’t say something or judge everybody because they want to lead a Chassidishe life style and walk around with a hat and jacket or come to Shiurim on Gimmel Taamuz.
Good luck and may we only have Simchas and good things to write on our web-sites.
to 30
to 32, they don’t have all the answers, but htey have some, and yes ppl like you have some answers as well- different answers for different ppl. I know R’ Friedman is not scared to discuss all kinds of things, I agree he probably summed up the crowd and did not want to put things out there that were not the right thing for that crowd But how about he author calls him directly and asks him if he would be more open with a different crowd?
B H
How would someone who has no university education have any clue about the value of it?
It’s like telling someone the Torah has no value without ever reading it.
The Author
Dear Mr. Lively Guy at the Door,
I know you and you know me. I also know many of the people who were at the event and acknowledge that some of them are working boys and college students. I apologize if I over-generalized a bit, as some generalization is required to paint the picture of who was not there. In theory, we can sit around and count faces in the pictures to come up with a more accurate number than your rough estimates, but my point, I believe, is still valid. A core group of people who could have used this event were not there; people who would have attended if this event was otherwise useful to them.
Best regards,
The Author
________
Dear Rabbi Werde (and Rabbi Kalmenson, who I am sure is reading this),
My intention is not to put down the good work that you do, rather to use a singular event to frame what I and my peers see as a critical problem in Lubavitch — the lack of openness from its leaders. Although I do not regularly attend your events, I encourage you to continue doing what you do for those that it inspires.
As for the no-shows, I have lots of ideas but no easy solutions. For as long as people in Lubavitch have their characters assailed for expressing their opinions and doubts (see the comments above), there will be no meaningful discussion. Today’s Lubavitch is not open to inquisitive minds and that is what drives intelligent people away.
Regretfully,
The Author
To # 70
Do you know Maya Katz? Do you know what she published in the Association of Jewish Studies in April? Why aren’t you or fellow Lubavitcher guys at the head of a rebuttal? Are you waiting for Lubavitch Inc. to write a rebuttal?
rivka
are you surprised that the author did not want to sign the article? look on shmutz and character assasination form opponents when people do things in open. would you risk it?
A member of -that- demographic
There are mfacets behind people’s decisions. I know that the reason I am in graduate school is in order to enjoy making a living and support a frum family. With that said, I know that it takes at least 115,000.00 a year to support a small family of five. Tuition itself is a significant amount of that sum. Because I do not have any connection’s with Lubavitch Inc. I am not strong enough to take on the mammoth organisation, which seemingly is more interested in maintaining healthy public relations at the expense of values, ethics, and a community infrastructure. I am not fortunate to have a family business to enter. So what recourse do I, the expendable nobody, have? Why can’t the individuals, in which the late Lubavitcher Rebbe, invested with power lead? Are we forced to say that the Late Rebbe made a mistake and invested in the wrong people?
They teach in yeshivah ‘kavana elyona’, ‘kabolas ol’, were these fundamental tenets hijacked in the Lubavitch Inc. power grab? Is this the abusive victim passing on the abuse to others (Lubavitch abuse at the hands of Stalin and as a result Lubavitch abuse of the B’T’s [catching them and dropping them with no communal infrastructure])? Is this demographic asking these hard questions, which the one party Lubavitch Inc., cannot handle.
George Orwell famously said; ‘All pigs are equal but some pigs more than others’. Is this what has happened today sixteen years after the launching of Lubavitch Inc.?
Huh?
Why somethings for one crowd and another thing for another, I say that is the problem…same things should apply no matter the crowd, all Lubavitch? all adult young men?
this is painful
Reading all of this, we are in a truly dark and bitter Galus where “we call dark light, and light dark”
Torah doesn-t change. Sorry.
what answers do you want exactly? You can’t change the Rebbe’s views on things. That’s what the Rebbe demands, that’s what Chassidus demands… you want Heterim to watch movies? Ask a rav – that isn’t even a mashpia question.
If you want to do something wrong, at least don’t try to get mashpiim to answer that Yes – nowadays we can go lower because we don’t see the Rebbe and we’re in modern times so yes, watch moviews and do kol davar thats almost assur.
Are you really for real?
And the rest of you that feel this way – I’m STRONGLY wondering about your chinuch.
I’m a young person here and from my chinuch Torah never changes. When we have an issue we ask a Rav how to deal with it. BUT TO GET AS HETER TO WATCH MOVIES – FOR PLEASURE?!?! DO IT WITHOUT THE HETER (AND YES FEEL GUILTY BUT AT LEAST YOU WON’T FEEL GUILTY THAT YOU ARE DREYING A KUP)
Tom Sawyer
Sir,
What have you gained?
You write “It is unfortunate that these events are not helpful to the groups that need them most”
This is a blatant lie.
Those “Groups” do not need nor want these events!
Further into this foolishness you write “However, it does not fill the vitally important goal of reaching out to the working class and giving them what they need to hear”
with all due respect sir,
Who made you judge and jury to decide what “needs” to be heard and by whom.
and what makes you think they have not heard all this rubbish before
Saying whats on everybodys mind is not as noble as you think.
They will silence you and coin you a rabble rouser
מדוע כה רכים?“ הוי אחי, כה אשאלכם אני: ”וכי לא אחי אתם? מדוע כה רכים, כה נכרכים, כה כפופים? מדוע כה מרובה הכחש, ההתכחשות
במבטכם?” זהו הלוח החדש שאני מציב מעליכם, אחי: התקשו! (כה אמר זרתוסטרא
Anonymous ergo Irrelevant
The reality is that there is a large and growing segment of Lubavitchers that share a similar background with the author, including myself. We are not looking for anyone to justify our lifestyle religiously or make everything we do OK. Speaking for myself I’m totally comfortable with where I’m at religiously, regardless of what the Crown Heights or Lubavitch communities think. What Lubavitch as a community needs to decide is whether or not there is a place for us within the larger Lubavitch community, and that is what the Maashpiim and the Leadership have been ignoring. As it stands right now, many do not feel as if there is any place for them within the community as it currently exists, because they do not meet the community’s ideal religious standard. This is particularly true for those of us who grew up in more accepting shlichus communities and are unprepared for the required conformity of Crown Heights. I think what the author wants to know, and I want to know, is: are we welcome in Lubavitch as who we are. If not we will find a community that accepts us, and Lubavitch will be worse off for it.
levi
To #74:
http://bhol-forums.co.il/to…
Here you can find some rebuttals in Hebrew
rebbisheh kind
are you insane? look at the pictures with all those friends of yours and find 90 people who are in college or working. either you are exaggerating or lying but there ain’t no 90 people there from this demographic.
maybe try listening to people who are smarter and write better and think before they write instead of shooting them down!!!
if you are in college and so smart howe come you have no idea how to spell or write a normal sentence? your education is failing you.
I think I-ve had it!
To 81
You know what? LEAVE!
We don’t need people like you living among us! I don’t want my children being exposed to you and your “modern” way of life. You and people like you are the biggest threat to my children and the children of the community at large.
Yes, the “modern Lubavitchers” should form their own community (which, pardon me, includes half of Beis Shmuel, and half of Oihel Nosson).
My children are spiritually safer living among non-religious people, than living among people who call themselves “Lubavitchers”, but in heart and mind are corrupt.
The behavior of “modern Lubavitchers” today is not a new phenomenon. The infamous Esav had the very same attitude — “I am Frum, look at me! I give money to the Moisdois of Lubavitch! I am helping!”
You then give off the impression to the innocent children of our generation (which is hard enough as it is) than there are “different ways” of being a “good Lubavitcher”. “If you want, you can be a good Lubavitcher with a shaven beard, and a good fine Bas Yisroel with a mini skirt, and for men and women to mingle freely, or you can choose to have a beard, but you can still talk with strange women…”
The non-observant people that Shluchim deal with are people who never knew better, and who are interested in somewhat becoming observant. They are no threat to the Shluchim’s children, because the children see clearly that they are non-observant, as opposed to the “modern Lubavitch” movement.
So #81: yes! get out of here, and get out fast! Spare me and my children from your lies and deceit, and your false “frumkeit”.
P.s. I speak very harsh (Hocheach Tochiach), but when you are ready to seriously make some changes, I will accept you with a warm and open heart.
Chaim Tovim
To add to this: Religion often looks down on “free thinkers”. Or, to put it another way, we discourage people from asking all the questions they have. It’s sad, and symbolizes an unhealthy society, one that is afraid of answers.
To #84
These questions need to be addressed. Chabad Lubavitch is a way of life for most of us, and it is uncomfortable to leave what we know. We have deep questions that are never answered but prefer to stay here with our trimmed beards and mini skirts, b/c it is the community we were raised in.
Here’s one question, for example: Has Dor HaShevi’i ended? Was the Rebbe wrong or was it just a failed dream? (Please don’t tell me that the Rebbe is still alive.)
Here’s another: If G-d hasn’t been changed by the creation of the worlds, how could it be that we bring him any satisfaction – hence a change – by what we do? If G-d had a desire to have a dwelling place in worlds, then by creating them something changed?!
There are tons others, but those are two for starters…
To #84
These questions need to be addressed. Chabad Lubavitch is a way of life for most of us, and it is uncomfortable to leave what we know. We have deep questions that are never answered but prefer to stay here with our trimmed beards and mini skirts, b/c it is the community we were raised in.
Here’s one question, for example: Has Dor HaShevi’i ended? Was the Rebbe wrong or was it just a failed dream? (Please don’t tell me that the Rebbe is still alive.)
Here’s another: If G-d hasn’t been changed by the creation of the worlds, how could it be that we bring him any satisfaction – hence a change – by what we do? If G-d had a desire to have a dwelling place in worlds, then by creating them something changed?!
There are tons others, but those are two for starters…
seriously?
to #81: compared to anywhere else you have an unbelievable place in the lubavitch community. However, it must be underlined that you want a place *in the Lubavitch community* and not a different one — and in Lubavitch, as stated by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, there is ahavas yisroel to everyone but no one is ever comfortable or satisfied with where they are. Everyone is welcome as “who they are” vis a vis their pinteleh yid, and no one is welcome as “who they are” vis a vis their grobbe nefesh habahamis since the whole point is to change that aspect of yourself.
answers available
To #86: (1)I personally have heard at least three different mashpiim farbreng about this with three different perspectives, all valid. I think it’s just a vicious cycle: you don’t ask mashpiim so you think they don’t know so you don’t ask them…
(2) …seriously? Learn Tanu Rabbanan Ner Chankuah by the Rebbe Rashab. Your question was answered very clearly, at length, by a Rebbe, in a commonly-learned maamar, over 100 years ago. Any mashpia can answer this, as can almost any shliach, teacher, etc.
They are good questions but you are dreaming to think that they aren’t addressed.
To #89
I’ve taught that ma’amar – Tanu Rabanan to post high school students. It isn’t properly addressed IMHO
Sholom al Yisroel
Many in life choose to bury their head in the sand like an ostrich. Others are smart enough to realize that if they pull out one card the entire house of cards will fall. Not wanting that to happen, they spend their lives tiptoeing around…
Those with the intellectual strengths and desire to live life are challenged by these questions…
Good person to turn to
The one true person to ask these questions today 9and Rabbi Friedman would most probably concur) is Rabbi Shmuel Lew, Shliach to London, England. It is his speciality and I have personally witnessed his approach to these questions.
Don’t know if you’d be satisfied with the answers, but you will be satisfied that you were heard, and above all, validated.
davening
To #84
This is not what the Rebbe taught, making sweeping judgement about many JEWISH people does not make you more frum or chassidish.
To the organizers of the event and to the author- keep arranging events like this, perhaps targeting your group of friends directly.
The answers are there but it is a journey, if you get one or two answer out of an hour, that is good, don’t expect all the nswers to be automatic. Besides, there are different answers for different people.
Vehaer eynenu be torasecha, we daven to Hashem to open our eyes to torah…
And last, you are making a good pt here, now DO s/t about it. The director of the Besht center made himself available, if you truly want answers for yourself and your friends, follow up.
Dave
To the author:
It is important to recognize that when there are issues, that the problem is not something that is outside of you, rather the problem is yours specifically.
I’m far from perfect myself (and no – I will not be candid about it) but I know that whatever issue I’m having stems from me and from something outside of me. So I know that if I want to be a Yid, things have to be in a certain way. If I don’t live up to it (I don’t), then the problem is in me. In me and in some “system”, in me and not in some mashpiya, in me and not in teireh.
I have no questions and I don’t struggle to find answers and when you will stop fooling yourself, you will also realize that imperfections abound and the only ones that you have a shot at fixing are your own. You will also realize there is no reason to force things to be the way you perceive they should be.
In a word: Grow up
Regarding this specific demographic: To the extent that it is undeserved, may it be Gods will that it ceases to exist and that they all get married and start living. Amen.
The lively guy collecting the money #2
Dear author
I must apologize because I assumed you were just another one of our dear Crown Heightsers you look to see the negative and because they suffered from the “system” and life hasn’t gone their way so therefore they aspire to spread discord and tales of horror that individuals who are besides Chassidim and Lubavitcher are human do.
Even on this current Op-Ed you will find spiteful people who’s only goal is to see the spelling mistakes and other trivial details which are to no effect on the topic or our beloved community.
That being said Rabbis Werdi and Kalmanson with the help of other “boys” of the Besh“t do their utmost to accommodate the college students and working class Bochurim, but alas that a large portion of people go to work or college not because they simply finished Yeshiva or out grew it (which is a good things for people to do) but rather because they are so overcome with hatred and self-loathing that even if we offered a Shiur which had lots of alcohol and the Toichen minimal they still wouldn’t show up and just whine and complain about other trivial details.
Please I ask you for your good and the good of the community, continue coming to Shiurim, Farbrengins and other social events for older Bochurim, encourage your friends to come and they will see the beauty and goodness of our people and in particular wat the Besh”t does for us post-Yeshiva Bochurim.
If we continue uniting and working on the social problems of our dear and beloved community that will be the biggest rectification of all the issues we have and it will bring the Rebbe much Nachas.
G-d Bless
L.
Niz
Well apparently the author of comment #84 does not have any Ahavas Yisroel and is probably passing on her vile ways to her children.
If you are so threatened by others who live around you not visibly living to your standards then you must take a cold hard look at how you raise your kids. Are you building a proper foundation? Are you secure in your path? If you are then I’m sure you’re setting a “fine example” for them to follow and you shouldn’t fear outside influences. I’m curious, by the way, if you send your boys to Oholei Torah. Let me remind you who Rabbi Rosenfeld chose as the “Man of the Year” recently. Do you have a problem with your holier than thou children benefiting from funds donated by a fellow whom you would clearly throw out of the neighborhood?
It’s extremely heartbreaking to hear the hatred in your comment and to know that there are most likely several others who echo your sentiment. You and others like you are the reason that kids are going to movies on Yom Kippur. You paint life in black and white, either all or nothing. When they want to break free from the dungeon you keep them chained up in they will run far and fast.
To posters #76 & #84
76: The quote is “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.” (Animal Farm.)
84: I am so glad I’m not married to you! Your bigoted, narrow-minded & intolerant attitude will probably have an adverse effect on your poor children, who are probably not encouraged to verbalize their questions & concerns. Sooner or later, these worries will burst forth 7 rebellion will occur. How will you deal with that?
If a young person has questions & he meets someone willing to try to answer them, he will feel validated. If this person is vilified for daring to question he will keep quiet, his feelings will develop, & he will explode.
There’s no shame in someone saying I don’t have the answer, but let’s try & find it TOGETHER. A loving parent & a loving teacher shouldn’t go berserk as you did. Part of what makes Chabad great is that many of people DO acknowledge our differences, our sensitivities, & our right to question. It’s an ignorant idiot who refuses to face realities. We are NOT in a mindless cult as you would raise your kids in!
Good luck in your parenting, buddy!
Sarale
My brother and I both went to a farbrengen the same night. He went to hear Rabbi Friedman and Paltiel, and I went to hear Mrs. Bronya Shaffer. What a different experience for both of us!!
My brother came home disappointed and even a bit disgusted, and I came home inspired and excited. He felt none of his questions were ansered, and that the rabbis both regurgitated the same old lines that he was hearing all his life in yeshiva, which he couldn’t hear anymore. And I felt like every single quedstion I asked was respected and answered without making me feel like an oisvorf. My brother said the rabbis talked like it was twenty years ago in Crowh Neights, like nothing is new in the world. And I felt like Mrs. Shaeffer talked to me in my time in my place. She answered me so I could hear and it was brand new! The same values, like the real values of chassidus, but with the reality of who I am. For my friends and me this is like breathing real air instead of old piped-in air!
I think that if they want the young singles in Lubavitch to hear real Emes, they need to call Mrs. Shaffer to talk to the boys and the girls.
My brother was jealous for me and I was very sad for him.
to # 84
Don’t worry – I think you’re a great mother and a great mechanech.
I understand you totally.
It doesn’t seem fair that families who want to live their Young Israel of Chabad should be taking over CH and their children intimidating my children to be like them, shortening their skirt etc.
To # 97: if it was all about being intelligent people, it would NOT WOULD NOT get in the way of your Chassidishkeit never mind your Yiddishkeit. The problem is that you look for intelectual questions and answers to explain your desire to do what you want. Dress as you want. And if your hashkafos are lacking, why do you push it on our streets? our children? If you were intelligent and respectful people you would respect the part of Lubavitch that desires to hold true and dear that waht our Torah tells us, what Halacha expects of us, what Chassidus expects of us. And you wouldn’t parade around destroying our community with your rebbelious looks.
agrees
I was very glad when I read this op-ed and saw someone addressing the issues that need to be addressed. B”h I am a frum, chassidish yungerman and living in ch, I see the problems and am very happy that we are finally recognizing them. Now the next step is to deal with them. Yasher koach to whoever wrote this and I hope, iy”h that we take these problems seriously and deal with it.
NS
no one has the answers,that’s why we call yiddishkeit
kabbalos ol,even if we don’t get it,we do as much as we can.
university is detrimental
listen to Dennis Prager a non frum yid who talks about university,the agendas that they spew can be very detrimental but…. in reality we need to make a tool for parnossa and that’s what university is
we need to make a living,paying tuitions,housing are very costly,we don’t live in the midbar and don’t live off the mann,as a lubavitcher i will encourage my kids to go to college after they finish w/ the system
no proper parnosso,no future for your family,how many are collecting nedavos just to make ends meet
WHY DID YOU NOT STAY TILL THE END?!
IT WAS ANSWERED ,YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T SEEM TO LISTEN AND HEAR WHAT THE RABBI WAS SAYING, IF YOU DIDNT SEE HOW IT WAS ANSWERED NEXT TIME SPEAK UP THAN AND THERE, PLEASE ASK BECAUSE MORE LIKE YOU UNFORTUNATELY DON’T GET RABBI FRIEDMAN , HE IS DEEP BUT SIMPLE , AND YOU NEED TO“”HEAR“” WHAT HE IS SAYING, WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE JUST ASKED AGAIN ,,,MA ZOS!! , BY THE WAY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WISE TO STAY THROUGHOUT TIL THE END MAYBE YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE CLARITY , ON WHO RABBI FRIEDMAN IS , AND HIS STYLE.THE END WAS REAL GOOD..YOU WOULD HAVE BENEFITTED FROM THAT ….YOU GOT TO OPEN YOUR EARS AND MIND …
DOESNT MATTER
TO #6
YOUR RIGHT
THATS ALL IT IS
Health and Wisdom Takes Effort
Therapy, mental health, personal responsibility, healthy self-esteem and security, self-control, and yes, a true dedication to a Higher Being, would all go a long way to improving our current situation. change begins within. healthy questioning is not the same as cynical rejection or self-jusification.
12 steps and twersky books are not a bad place to start, putting chassidus in a another perspective. knowledge of the problem is half the solution. all it takes is a litle honesty and courage…
come on now, you have it in you. we’re rooting for you…
David Rosenbaum
BRILLIANT!!! It is true that Manis Friedman is exceptionally clever with a lot of psycho babble that is good for general conversation and debate about life. On the Lubavitch front – and dealing with Bochurim like this needs a different and younger kind of element.
There was some shluchim once farbrenging upstairs in 770 after the Kinus banquet. They were all part of a kevutza for a long time and each one of them made a success of their lives. I watched on the sidelines. There was Rabbi Marlow (Miami), Rabbi Shochet (London, England), Rabbi Shlomo Yaffe (Harvard U), Rabbi Yisroel Rice (Marine County, JLI). It was amazing just to listen. But what really caught my eye was one of those bochurim that dropped out of Yeshiva who was sitting there just listening the whole time to their conversation / farbrengen. I came back the following year to find them there again (it’s an annual thing) and the bochur was there again – just to tell them that on account of sitting there the previous year he went back to Yeshiva.
That’s what you need today. Not high brow intellects giving a talk. Take the young(er) blood who have the same intellect but are more in tune with modern reality (and maybe even have kids that are the same as such bochurim) put them in a room with 30 of these guys and a good few bottles of mashke for many hours and I promise you some of them will walk out a little different.
You could wait till the Kinus again or maybe sooner. But that is something that I would want to be a fly on the wall at.
been there
Thought Police- You are correct! That is how your money leaves your hands just ask the rich divorcees that some target
The Author
Dear #102,
I patiently waited until 11 PM before leaving. My question was submitted at some point between 8:30 and 9 PM. The rabbis has almost a two and a half hour window to answer the question.
You submit that I do not understand how to hear Rabbi Friedman and there is something I do not get.
Are you kidding? The format of the event was a question and answer session. For over two hours, the rabbis were receiving questions written by attendees in the audience and READING the questions VERBATIM and OUT LOUD. They proceeded to directly answer (or pretend to answer) the questions presented.
If the rabbis made any attempt to address my straightforward question, they did it in the most roundabout way. Why did they not read my question and treat the crowd like adults? If it takes special cleverness to figure out that my question was answered, they treated not only me, but all of my peers with the same question unfairly.
You may continue apologizing for Rabbi Friedman but it will not change the problem.
Sincerely,
The Author
A truly concerned mother i
To number 84!!!!!!!
What a strongly, hate filled response!!!!!!!!\i would not have imagined that a ‘mother’ in our community would address an issue as sensitive as the one the author wrote about, the way you did!!! We were shocked beyond all words to read your answer.TRAGIC!!!!!!!!! This gut has real , decent intentions. . he is viewing and understanding the young of today, the was IT REALLY IS. . just because he is NOT sweeping the situation under the carpet, the way YOU, and countless others are, does NOT make him an evil person , the way you have made him out to be. . OPEN YOUR EYES, and see the true reality of the world and our young boys, for what it really iS, today!!!!!!
And by the way, NOBODY guarentees that any of your kids wont end up feeling the same way as he does. . . NONE of us is immune. . and if we were given clear answers for our kids, who are asking , not because they are “BAD”, but because they GENUINELY WANT ANSWERS. . . the world and its situation might be different
And one more thing. . OF COURSE he remained anonymous, look how ‘people’ like yourself and countless others have RIPPED HIM to pieces. . and for what??????? because he dared voice his feelings and opinion, on a subject very essential to him;
Personally, if I were you, I would ask for a PUBLIC MECHILAH from him. . as for the author hinself. . I wish you continous hatzlocha and courage for standing u and facing a situation the way it really is. . in public. . the Aibishter should reward your efforts, and all our precious boys ( and girls) should be helped by it;
And no, I wont sign my name. . I would’nt dare :(
Let-s meet we may have lots to talk abou
To the author!
I would really like to meet you. You CAN be a highly functioning intellectual being within the framework of being a Lubavitcher Chosid. Chabad IS all about intellect. The fact that many people choose to ignore it, or get around it, or live in slogan-ism does not in any way diminish the amazing richness of the life, the paradigms and the ways of thinking. I’m not gonna say that I read more books than you did, because I don’t know, but I certainly can say that I’ve read a lot, and have seen a lot of the “other side”. All is not lost. Look inside of you and find the truths that exist there. If you respond, we will find a way to connect.
BTW, you do write very well. I suspect you learned it somewhere.
Rabbi Paltiel and Rabbi Friedman are highly intelligent and learned men, who both have lots to say on many topics. Don’t write them off because your needs weren’t met.
Explore Mordern Orthodox and learn REBT.
To the author,
Instead of dictating what is best for Lubavitch, it would be better for you focus on what is best for yourself.
It is obvious you would feel more comfortable living in a modern orthodox community and there is nothing wrong with that. The majority of modern orthodox Jews attend college, have jobs, trim their beards, watch movies and remain shomer mitvahs. There are some really nice modern orthodoxy communities like Teaneck, NJ that you can live in and be very happy.
But just because you would feel more comfortable living as a modern orthodox Jew, does not mean the rest of Lubavitch needs to follow suit. I highly suggest you read Albert Ellis’s “The Practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy”. It will help guide you on learning how to unconditionally accept others who do not think like you (white shirts) and become less disturbed when people do not behave the way in which you want them to (Rabbis Friedman and Paltiel).
Best of luck in life and have a Good Shabbas.
The Author
Dear #110,
You have no idea where I live, what my views are about Lubavitch theology, and how accepting I am or am not of others. Lacking this information, I suggest that you not make pronouncements about what is best for me. This article was written because I am very much Lubavitch — educationally, emotionally, spiritually, and behaviorally — and I care about its communal success and the welfare of the individuals who are part of it.
Frankly,
The Author
Attendee and member of other demographic
Dear Author,
Let me start by saying that I, as a member of the working class, and somewhat modern crowd, and member of the Besht am appalled by your Op-Ed.
I do understand that you didn’t see that crowd that you were hoping for at this event, but then again it was Gimmel Tammuz and more of a farbrengen than a straight up lecture.
Being on the receiving end of Rabbi Werde’s Shlichus, I know that he targets specifically the crowd that you would have likes this event to be for. He also host events where more of that crowd is evident and the questions more blunt.
Although I understand that you were upset that your question was not specifically answered, how DARE you bash the Besht when this seems like the first event arranged by them that you have ever attended.
If you know Rabbi Paltiel and Rabbi Friedman you know that they don’t shy away from any question that you throw their way. They are not the type of people that are intimidated by “tough” questions.
Although I agree with you that this event was not as blunt as you or I had hoped, that is in no way proof that they are afraid to answer you, or worse, don’t have an answer for you.
Even more so, like you, I didn’t like some of the answers given, but if you think about it they are truthful answers. For example the Statement about not attending college, although I would like the answer to be that there should be acceptance of college I know that the Rebbe did not agree to that, especially on a scale. Meaning, the Rebbe would NEVER allow someone to tell a group of 200+ people that its OK to go to college.
I’m also in the position to say that it is possible to get a very good job without a proper college education.
To end off and summarize, you should not have written such an Op-Ed before speaking to the Rabbi’s involved about your dissatisfaction, as you would have received a response to your questions from Rabbi Paltiel and Rabbi Friedman and you would have received information and answers from Rabbi Werde and Rabbi Kalmanson.
THIS IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE PLACE TO VENT YOUR ANGER.
The Author
Dear #112,
You have me mistaken and I should point out that you have no idea what I know of Rabbis Werde, Kalmenson, Friedman, or Paltiel. Contrary to your misread of this article, I am not angry — how could I be, I already knew the answers to expect before I came in?
I remind you that this event was not billed as a farbrengen, the date notwithstanding. It was meant to address “contemporary issues and relevant questions.”
We can agree to disagree, but I believe public debate is an appropriate for addressing this issue. I commented above that this has more to do with Lubavitch generally than the few rabbis and bochurim that were in the room. A public discussion will awaken the leaders of Lubavitch to the issues facing the young members of their community.
Realistically speaking,
The Author
a member of that deemographic to- author
If people emphisized the difference between graduate scholls and college, alot of misunderstanding would fall away. Just my opinion.
No longer religious, but I agree with 84
This is an amazing article. Not amazing for its originality, nor for its grammar and mastery of the English language, but rather that it brings to surface to the thoughts of every intelligent bochur in Lubavitch today. I know many “ Chassisishe” bochurim who have these same questions but choose to keep their chassidishe lifestyle because contrary to popular belief, having these questions does not mean they have a problem with Chassidishe Judaism as a whole.
Now as to the problem in Crown Heights with the “Mini-skirt wearing, trim bearded” couples, they do have an adverse effect on the children of Crown Heights. There is a big difference between a man with a blue shirt and a pink tie with a wife with a fashionable shaitel to the man with the trimmed beard, jeans, flip-flops with wife who wears a short sleeved scoop neck, wears a short skirt no matter how absurdly cold it is outside, and yet for some reason bothers to cover the back half of her pony-tail. One is respectfully wishing to be fashionable and fitting in the secular world while the other is just laughing at the whole belief system.
To 84, you sound like many other outraged mothers in Crown Heights. You love and care for your children. Any attack on your personality from the aforementioned “yungerlite” is proof of the backwards close-mindedness against a Chassidish Mother who still has emunah. As the son of a Shliach, we were raised to differentiate between “us” and “them”. We were Chassidim of the Rebbe, and they, well, they were not…yet. In Crown Heights, where these ‘yungerlite’ claim to be Chassidim of the Rebbe, how are your children supposed to differentiate? I trust that one day if any of your children C”V starts to have questions that you will answer them adequately and appropriately, and if they chose not to accept your answers you will still love them and accept and await lovingly for their return as Rebbe taught the Shluchim to do with the people they were sent to mikarev.
To all the curious, I wrote this because I believe that a mother is right to worry about her children. Even though I am no longer an observant Jew, I believe that everyone is in entitled to their opinion and to raise and protect their children according to that opinion.
May you all merit to have nachas from your children, chassidish or otherwise.
S
menachem
I’m not sure if anyone will get this far down in the comments, but here it is anyway.
You can listen to part of the evening’s talk (The prepared statements, not the Q&As), at the Besht’s website. Here’s the link:
http://www.torahlp.com/audi…
Listen and come to your own conclusion about what was said.
Hopefully they will put up the Q&As as well.
Montreal Madness
The same problems exist here in Montreal with the haves and the have nots, with the family name and not the family name, with the family shlichus and not the family shlichus, with the family business and not the family business, with the my father ran this mosid, shul, school and therefore I should run this mosid, shul, school no matter what.
There is no fear any more, there is no community, there are no leaders, and we have less and less of a connection.
These are the things the Rebbe made the difference on, and these are the things we lost.
Emes
#105 Couldn’t agree more!
Tee Ess
Very well written and thoughtful piece.
I don’t think it needs a signature. People should be able to address ideas and not get distracted by (or intentionally distract) people.
The way I see things evolving (this has already begun) is that the exponential growth of those from 20 and 40 years ago will enable different groups, ranging from (1) those with only deep, unseen, emotional-psychological roots in rebbe-land but who live without any trace of torah, to (10) those who learn a sicha (or convince themsleves they hear one) while facing the seat at the farbreng table in 770 at 131pm, and many slices of lifestyles in between.
Friedman/Paltiel (FP) cater to the spectrum between 5 and 10. The writer addresses perhaps 3 to 7 (or 1 to 5?). FP cannot address things to which they don’t and can’t relate. The writer addresses not only people who think outside the box but also the notion that there no longer IS a box.
The conversation – for Thinkers Without Borders (TWB) – must accept the reality that things have changed. FP hang on to the notion that regardlesss of what it seems, some things have not, do not, and cannot change.
In a nutshell – For some, especially TWB – there are two Lubavitch movements: Pre 3 Tammuz or a Rebbe Lubavitch (RL) or post 3 Tammuz, no rebbe, which means no “Lubavitch” but rather The New Lubavitch (TNL) and how do we reconcile RL with TNL? Or CAN we?
So, dear writer, the reason you are frustrated is because it is too early in the evolving of and morphing from RL to TNL to have open-aired, mainstream-accepted discussion that accepts TNL as THE reality. Thus the only pulpit is the internet.
The leaders you seek who will talk about professional degrees and harnessing the energy of today’s youth while keeping them in yesterday’s community and tradition, and about the socio-economic traffic jam at the exit ramp from yeshivos/kollel and at the entry ramp of the clogged highway called KotlarskyShichus, and about the inapplicability of certain yesterday’s dogmas for today, they are still growing up.
Maybe you’ll be one of them one day. But as you see it takes time to build or for something new to flower. And it IS something new that is growing and it is NOT a continuation of something that was.
And before I lose you – I mean new/different like a child is new/different from the parent.
Sam
Enough hate speech Naftali.
Patience
I bet that over the years I have heard Rabbi Friedman answer every single one of your deep, meaningful, tough, amazingly insightful questions. And that they were asked him by all sorts of individuals- with or without beards, with or without sleeves below the elbow. In fact, the notion you have that you have somehow stumped or surpassed Rabbi Friedman’s depth would be humorous if it were not so embarrassing (for you). Think about it for a second. Here’s a man who has made a career of answering questions all over the world for about 40 years but you deduce that he cannot answer yours because yours are just too deep.
I’ve been teaching teenagers for over 30 years and I love them- for their enthusiasm, for their blundering idealism and for their inaccuracies. You can excuse them for the arrogance of believing that no one has ever experienced what they are experiencing, no one could feel the angst they are feeling, understand the depth of perception they have plummeted. You can excuse them because they are so sincere; you have to love ’em for their throbbing self-importance.
But as a teacher it helps to keep perspective. When a kid is full of the importance of her question and you answer it and then you answer it another way and still she says, “No, but you didn’t answer me. Your answer doesn’t make sense.”, you know that she doesn’t really want an answer, she wants validation.
And validation is important. But it doesn’t change the answer.
I remember reading a comment by (I believe it was Rabbi Yitzchak Kagan, ob“m) who explained that there is Lubavitch-as-a-movement and Lubavitch-as-an-idea or perhaps Lubavitch-as-truth. Lubavitch-as-a-movement is all-inclusive, embracing also the ”chosid” who flies in ON Rosh Hashana to daven with the Rebbe, for who can estimate the worth of an individual, or the worth of a single mitzvah. None of us; Hashem does the evaluating, it is for us to love unconditionally.
But Lubavitch-as-an-idea; for that there is only one truth. The answers, the shita, the world-view have been laid down generation after generation in clear unequivocal lessons. Not liking the answer is no grounds for rejecting it.
But then neither is the answer itself grounds for dismissing the person who is not ready for it. Nor should the one who is not ready condemn himself with labels or by putting himself outside the big tent of Lubavitch.
We must make better keilim or ourselves and our children and be patient with each other (and ourselves) in the process.
The Author
Dear Patience,
Maybe you misunderstood: Rabbi Friedman did not answer the question. If he has been answering questions for forty years, why did he ignore the question on this night? I did not deduce he could not answer the question, I gave him the benefit of an opportunity to answer it. He failed. I was not so arrogant as to say that I have all the answers. But Rabbi Friedman purports to have them and his fans allege that he does. Upon whom does the blame lie?
Sincerely,
The Author
To #68....
I think the psychologist was not diagnosing , he or she was pointing out a behavior which does have a name. That behavior is called “passive aggressive”. In my experience, there’s a lot of that behavior going on, not only in the chabad community. You might want to look it up.
If-
If Rabbi Friedman did not want to answer a question, he could have said something like: “Here is a question that I would rather not address right now, but I do not want the questioner to feel dismissed. If there is a person who did not hear his question addressed, he is welcome to remain after others leave, so that I can at least explain my reasons, if not offer a reply.” That, in my opinion, is an appropriate, educated, sensitive, and responsible handling for someone of authority to deal with such an issue. It is honest, and it represents an awareness of how communication can be respectable and mature. Not every leader has a gift for quality communication. Perhaps those who do not should make an attempt to study such a subject. I hope all authority figures know that there is more to leadership than fact and laws, etc,!