But that night, I tossed and turned. My nerves were pulsating like the night before a math exam. It hadn’t occurred to me that my house was completely unprepared for someone to tackle its mess. If Clara was going to come work her magic on my house, I had to be ready! If my apartment wasn’t anywhere near clean – how could I hire a cleaning lady?
The Malady of a Maid
After living in our two-bedroom Brooklyn apartment for almost eight months, my husband and I finally decided to hire a cleaning lady. I love to clean and have been efficiently up-keeping our pad, but with our usually vibrant trio ravaged by a cold virus and the baby starting to move all over the hardwood, we decided it was high time to do some floor-to-ceiling scrubbing. You know, the kind of cleaning that I just refuse to do. My prince-of-a-husband made the suggestion and I tried to convince him our apartment was fine. But when he mentioned a few hard-hit areas of our home, I knew I had to succumb. We made the call. The cleaning lady would come tomorrow. I got excited.
But that night, I tossed and turned. My nerves were pulsating like the night before a math exam. It hadn’t occurred to me that my house was completely unprepared for someone to tackle its mess. If Clara was going to come work her magic on my house, I had to be ready! If my apartment wasn’t anywhere near clean – how could I hire a cleaning lady?
You see, this is the cleaning lady conundrum. You have to clean your own home before you invite someone in to clean it for you. Suddenly, it made sense to me why, growing up, my mother would tell us kids, “Make sure you clean your room! The maid is coming!” I used to think my mother didn’t understand what acleaning lady was. And suffice to say, having to make my bed and clear my room in anticipation of Rosario’s visit really took the thrill out of the whole thing.
So here I was, the night before my cleaning appointment, considering canceling Clara the cleaning lady because my crib wasn’t clean for her to come clean it (read that three times, it’s absurd!). Only after making a mental list of chores to do before her arrival did I sleep soundly.
I woke up pumped to get the house ready and sparkling for Clara’s grand entrance. I didn’t want Clara to spend time on dishes, and they were completely cluttering the kitchen. So I washed dishes. I couldn’t imagine her picking up our dirty tissues. So I swept. I needed to make room for her to dust. So I cleared countertops. The obvious irrationality was masked by my discomfort in making a stranger clean up for me and a dose of embarrassment at how tragically messy my house had become.
If someone would have peeked through my window and watched me flying around the house anxiously cleaning and organizing, they would have thought I was expecting the Queen of England. But when Clara arrived, it was anything but English. I felt a pain in my heart, a deep regret for slacking off in Spanish 101. I tried to apologize that my house wasn’t ready. For emphasis, let me say that in another way: I said sorry to a cleaning lady that my house wasn’t clean! She didn’t understand; perhaps because I was being preposterous, but probably because the language barrier. But as it turns out, our method of communication was far deeper. Together – yes together – we entered a trance-like cleaning collaboration. She went straight to work with a broom and rag in my room while I danced around her clearing that which I considered out of her jurisdiction. With her expertise – and my mental insanity – the house was spotless in three hours.
In the end, I realize I paid a maid to get me to clean. With Clara’s silent (aka, non-English speaking) companionship, I raced, sweated, danced, whistled and organized my way into a fresh, sparkling apartment. When I offered Clara a glass of water, I nearly gulped it down myself. Yes, she did clean. But I did way too much for having hired her. And it’s my issue.
I wonder if other women just entering a relationship with their own Rosario, Clara or Maria have the same oxymoronic (and mostly moronic) need to clean in anticipation of their hired help. Is it my guilt at not wanting to get down and dirty to scrub? Or is it my empathy for a woman that cleans for a living? As women, are we all entitled to a cleaning lady? If yes, what is her role, what is ours?
All I know is there was something deeply uncomfortable about hiring Clara. But while “Mimi the Maid” does have a ring to it, I can never again be my home’s sole cleaner and Clara will be coming again this week. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go get ready.
miss
i like that one its cute
Esther Hecht
I can totally relate! awesome article!! Who is Mimi? Has she written for anything else? I’d love to read more!
A pre-cleaner upper
Sooo cute and toooo true!!!
I-m the same way
This is an interesting Point. I also clean before the cleaning lady comes in, and so does almost everyone I asked. And I tell the kids to clean up their rooms, or I’ll tell the cleaning lady to throw out everythingleft on the floor. Unless the person lives with you, how can they be expected to efficiently organize your stuff and know where to put everything. Plus, you want to spend money for her doing really dirty work, not to do things you’re totally capeable of, unless, of course, you’re willing to spend $10 or so bucks an hour to wash dishes and fold laundry. It’s only worth it for things like scrubbing floors, cleaning bathrooms, oven, etc.
By the way, I also feel kind of guilty that I leave them all the dirty work to do, so, to make up for it, I feed them, and even throw in a little bonus. (Am I crazy too?!)
Oh, and hiring someone to clean the mess we created is not an entitlement, it’s a luxury. We have to make sure our kids understand that too. They need to know that if we’re going to spend our money for the cleaning lady to pick up their toys and dirty clothes, we won’t be able to spend it on things they really want.
fed up with the spoiled people
your letter is really cute however i find childish. either u keep your home neat or not. just because you have kids(and i have 3 and expecting) doesnt mean dishes should pile and clutter should happen. you should keep it neat and realitively clean. you eat, you clean it up. there should be a place for everything and if not needed, tossed. i have a cleaning lady once in a while to do the scrubbing and things im too busy or dont want to bother with like cleaning the bathroom, changing linens or scrubbing down the kitchen. otherwise, the house is clean, neat and nice to be in!!i clean my bathroom every week and the kitchen every day after use. this idea of weekly, or daily cleaning ladies is absurd unless you have 10 kids and 3 floor house. the once in awhile break is nicely needed but please, preparing for the cleaning lady?? i feel bad for you, your husband and children. the same goes with those weekly manicures and other non neccessary things some women in this community do. why do your nails have to be done once a week? and if they are chipped, why dont you just fix it yourself and save yourself 10 bucks? maybe you can keep the cleaning lady an extra hour..:)
doing without a cleaning lady right now.
The reasons why we clean for the cleaning ladies are simple – if we let them tidy up all the junk that is laying around, we won’t be able to find those papers, pieces of a game or whatever… it makes much more sense to clear off all the counters before she comes. Secondly, if we clear all the clutter before she comes, then she won’t waste precious(expensive time) doing for us what we can do so much better ourselves.
Alas, I am normal!
LOL I LOVE THIS ARTICLE! best one I have read as of yet on crownheights.info…maybe because I have exactly the same “issue.” I can’t wait to show this to my husband-he may still not understand the “logic” behind my cleaning for the cleaning lady, or my hesitance in hiring one precisely when the house needs it most. But, at least he will understand that I am not the only one :-)
unique
I thought I was the only one who had to clean b4 the cleaning lady!!!!
chanie
very cute!
Amazing article
Thanks for sharing, Mimi. So well written! I can totally relate – you’re not the only one :)
MAIN RULE OF CLEANING
THE MAIN RULE to keep everything clean is very simple.
just EVERYBODY HAS PUT EVERYTHING BACK AFTER S/HE USE IT.
As soon as we started that rule in our family we do need a cleaning lady anymore. I come home and put all my stuff in the place it supposed to be, we eat and clean after it right away.
I have 3 kids: 3.5 yo, 2.3 you and 10 month old.
If my kids take ONE book or toy they can not take another one unless the put the first one back to it’s place.
i know it is hard to get it all organised like that, but was even harder to pay $8-$10 for cleaning lady and see that she is no use. And with that simple rule our lives are much cleaner and much more organised now. :)
If we need to get something in the middle of the night we don’t have to turn the light anymore, we know where it supposed to be and of course it is there.
Habla espanol
I know someone who refuses to hire a cleaning lady. Her reason? her house is to dirty and she is too embarrassed to hire her. Hows that for twisted?
Okaaaay
I find this article pretty stupid, I have a cleaning lady 3 x’s a week, (bec. I work) and yes I PAY her to clean. Although my house is tidy already, but she makes the beds does the laundry, mops cleans the bathrooms… the usual, I dont bother cleaning for her….. thats insane.
I agree
I do the same thing. A cleaning lady is not a luxury it’s a necessity. Even for those women who don’t work, we’re not shmates and have enough to do just taking care of our families and trying to keep the house together without having to scrub toilets.
To: fed up with spoiled people
There’s always one in every crowd sitting on a high horse judging everyone.
Not everyone who hires cleaning help is spoiled. There are women who crave a clean home but literally don’t have the energy to keep it up to their own standard given all the other pressures they have (kids, work, extended family responsibilities, the list goes on and on). Personally, if I have an hour to spare I would much rather spend it playing with my kids than scrubbing the toilets. They probably won’t remember how sparkly the bathroom was as much as they’ll remember my attention. Yet the house must stay clean and neat. A Chosid is a mesudar. (And, by the way, one of the many ways I give my kids attention is by doing chores together with them, like folding laundry and washing dishes, so don’t imagine for yourself that just because someone has help they are teaching their kids to be lazy.) So if the Aibershter gave me limited physical strength, and limited time in a day, I will make my priorities and hire cleaning help. And just so you should know, I know personally of more than one instance of the Rebbe telling a woman to get cleaning help, and even one where the Rebbe actually handed someone money to hire cleaning help. You do what you believe is right, but don’t impose your condescending attitude on others.
Pnina
I think this article applies for very small families or newly marry couples…but wait!…when you have a household full of little kids making a mess constantly a cleaning lady is a must…not even a luxury..Do not agree with it.It is about sanity.
interesting...
Paying someone to make beds?!?!?!? Whoah!!! I bet the cleaning ladies are happy. haha
another mishugaas!
How else has this scenario, I feel guilty sitting down when my cleaner is home, if she see’s me sitting, I feel that I have to get up and do something!
to MAIN RULE OF CLEANING wrote
I also didn’t need a cleaner when I had 3 small kids, but now that I have 7 KI”H, a house and work outside the home, no matter how organized I am (and I am), there are just so many hours in the day, and as a previous commentor said, I would rather extend my energies in my kids (who will remember it) than killing myself cleaning.
to: fed uo with spoiled people
boy you are miserable! do you know that many of us work for parnassa so we MUST have cleaning help. maybe you are a spoiled, stay home mom, so you manage cleaning your own toilets!
i am not a manicure person. but maybe it makes women feel good after working hard all week (outside or in their homes) , and the $10 spent on manicure makes them happier wives/mom? ys i work hard for money, but the money spent on these things is worth much more than the $10. $10 aint going to make anyone richer or poorer!!!!!
mom of 4
Thanx Mimi 4 posting – yep, I have 4 kids and on Mondays it’s always “clean ur room the cleaning lady is coming!!”.
A good read.
...
I agree with that too!!
you should put your time into your children
not into your toilets.
whats more in-portent, your children
or your bathrooms?
its normal to have a cleaning lady nothing
bad. come on
to Main Rule of Cleaning
By forcing your kids to live and play so restrainedly, you’re not allowing them to develop normally. Children need to clean up after themselves, but they also need to be able to play creatively, a process which requires variety and quantity. I think that you’re forgetting to let your kids be kids.
Just have a clean up time, and don’t leave the house or move on to the next thing until they’ve cleaned. It works even better, because your children will have creative expression time as well as structure and routines.
Can-t relate
Sorry, I can’t relate.
I never clean up for the cleaning lady.
She comes once a week and it’s my favorite day.
I leave the dishes in the sink, etc.
can relate
If you think this is bad, you should see how I run around cleaning for my babysitter. lol :)
Read more of Mimi in the Algemeiner
It’s so nice to see Mrs. Hecht’s Algemeiner Journal column here on crownheights.info!
Everyone should read the Algemeiner Journal every week, where Mrs. Hecht’s columns began appearing about a month ago.
Bracha v’hatzlacha!
Put away your stuff so she can CLEAN!
It is my opinion that when I’m doing parallel cleaning work during the time my cleaning-help lady is here, MUCH MORE gets done that day!
I move the stuff out of the way (and put away what needs to be put away), so that the cleaning lady can do her job, which is to CLEAN!
My friend who doesn’t do this, and leaves it to the cleaning lady to handle the clutter, is always trying to figure out where the lady put this or that.
Cleaning ladies don’t have ESP — and if they did, it would make sense that they be paid a lot better. I think that an honest, hardworking cleaning lady is a BARGAIN at the going price in our community.
Make a kiddush Hashem!
Like one of the other writers, for the lady who comes to clean for me once a week, I also make her a nice lunch, and add some more money to her hourly wages at the end of the day. People who don’t treat their cleaning ladies with such courtesies are perhaps something of a chillul Hashem.
After all, she gets no paid sick time, no Social Security, no unemployment insurance, no healthcare plan, etc. If I cancel (which I try hard not to do, for both of our sakes!), she’s up the creek without a paddle — no wages for her that day unless she can pick up some more work from someone else at the last minute.
Having cleaning lady need not spoil kids
The rest of my family knows that on the day the cleaning lady is coming, anything of theirs that’s not put away (by THEM) is going “on vacation”, as in confiscated.
They learn to put things away.
I also make this announcement on some other days that the cleaning lady is NOT coming, like on Erev Shabbos, erev Yuntif, etc. Actually, I don’t need to announce it much anymore, as it’s understood and respected, by and large, in our house, B”H.
So the mere act of having a cleaning lady is not necessarily spoiling the kids.
CL
Totally relate! Great article! :)
bee
Mimi is a phenominal writer! Keep up your good work!!
Tierd!!
We had to let our cleaning help go to help pay tuition. It is a real adjustment and its almost a year and I still do not have a handle on it. No, the kids are not much help bec they are out of town. No, we are not sending our kids to “other Yeshivos”, we are shluchim and need to send the kids out of town whether we like it or not. But anyway Having had the help and now not having it, let me tell you every household should have help if the mother is a full time worker and even if not. Not having help takes it toll.I go sleep very late and spend every minute I have cleaning and yes, it does take away time from the kids but I have a choice Send the kids to school or give them attention at home? A kosherin frielichin Pesach to you all Abi Gezunt!!
fed up with the spoiled people
from some of the comments back to me it seems people didnt hear what i was saying. maybe its their guilt. i would just like to say that i spend tons of time with my children and like many have said as i that when u have a large family and a big house, it makes sense to have cleaning help once a week or as neccessary. and i also wanted to resay that i DO have cleaning help once in a while and i do get manicures once in awhile. and yes i do work. i enjoy being spoiled a bit too but i was just saying that there are people here who get the WEEKLY lady and the WEEKLY manicures that are so not neccessary especially when you have one or two kids and a small house. why cant u just keep things in order day to day. to do the basics before your cleaning lady or babysitter come is sad. mostly for you and your family.itll be easier on you each day if it was clean from the beginning and to just keep it that way. i know its harder for some than others and im not judging. im just trying to say it is possilbe not to have to spend the money on those things and others just because your friends are and to save it for something else for you or your family. but each their own. and by the way i am bh extremely happy!!!!
live and let live
to: fed u p with spoiled people:
you write that you are not judging whereas both of your comments are completely judgemental (including your title), please proofread what u write before posting to make sure that it is truthful. “BH you are extremely happy” why not leave it at that without comparing or pointing fingers at others? In fact, why not wish the other “spoiled” ones out there that they too should b extremely happy without the need of outside help? Let’s just focus on knowing our own priorities/needs without deciding what others’ should or shouldn’t be.
this is my story
when we first got a cleaning lady, DH didn’t want her to touch the vacuum, cuz he was afraid she’d break it. It’s an expensive one.
He didn’t want her polishing the silver cuz she may steal it.
He didn’t want her washing the windows cuz she may leave streaks.
He didn’t want her washing the dishes cuz she may treif them.
He didn’t want her mopping the floor cuz she’ll just smear around the dirt.
He didn’t want her cleaning our room because she may decide to take my shabbos shaitel.
So I told him that he should do it all himself.
Sure enough, the next time she came, she had plenty to do.
2 weeks.
wow this article started a bunch of crazy comments here.
I have a cleaning lady once every 2 weeks. She does all the scrubbing Im to tired to do. I do all the laundry weekly and my house is always clean. If my kitchen is messy, I clean it daily. If theres a mess on the floor or counters I clean it. In no way do I clean for my cleaning lady. I put things away that I dont want lost or want her to see(Receits, bills, bank stuff). I think every person knows their capabilities. If you need someone 3 days a week, or never thats your buisness, who are we to judge. Hashem made us all different.
Happy cleaning to all those out there.
understand
I try to have a cleaning lady every once in a while to do a major cleaning. yah I clean my house every week, but they just sometimes to a better and more thourogh job. when she comes I have her clean not declutter. so I do prepare the house for her…. the same way I clean up every night by putting things away. how could she clean my floor if there are things all over it? how could she make my bed if there are clothes all over it? But again she is just the occasional help, not the every day kind, so its prob a little dif.
CH Mom
Hysterical and true!!