Tell me, did it hurt? Was it painful? Was there really a bright light at the end of the tunnel, like they describe in the books? Was your relatives who have passed away waiting for you? What was it like?
Were you afraid? Or scared, or even sad? Did you regret not getting the chance to say goodbye? Do you even now long to be back here?
A Letter to Pesha Leah
Tell me, did it hurt? Was it painful? Was there really a bright light at the end of the tunnel, like they describe in the books? Was your relatives who have passed away waiting for you? What was it like?
Were you afraid? Or scared, or even sad? Did you regret not getting the chance to say goodbye? Do you even now long to be back here?
One day. One night. That’s all. Now everything changed.
I don’t know you, but I saw your picture. I recognize you, we were in the same ‘system’, and I’ve seen you around before. You were in my sister’s class.
It is weird to look at a picture of you and think that you are no longer here. Somehow I don’t understand. Where did you go? Is there really a place called heaven? Did you see any angels? Are you ever gonna come back to tell us how it was?
I’m mad. I was driving on the highway today and I was nervous, because I’m not used to it. And there were drivers beeping at me when I swerved out of my lane. I wanted to cry. And I thought, what’s your problem? Don’t you see how nervous I am? Cut me some slack, I’m a new driver. And I was stressed, and I came home upset.
And then I found out. I don’t know you, but my tears won’t stop. And I don’t know why you had to go. And I feel selfish for living, when you no longer can. Somehow it seems like your life was more important than mine. I don’t know you, but in my mind you were a better person then me, and you deserved to live, cuz you were doing such a great job so far.
I know what they will say. You were a special soul, you completed your mission here, it was time for you to go. Now you are sitting by G-d’s throne, you are surrounded by angels, it is good up there. Yes, I know all that, and more.
But there is now a husband without a wife, and the world is missing someone.
I don’t understand it. Maybe I’ll never understand it.
I just discovered your blog. Your poetry is beautiful. It was a sad feeling though. Like, now it is too late. I can go through the archives and read all your old stuff, but your bog will now sit there, drying up, frozen in time, last post dated Tuesday, January 5 2010, just one short day before you were taken. And it baffles me. It makes no sense.
First you were here, and now you’re not, and you’re never coming back??? I never had a chance to meet you, or befriend you on facebook. I just found you, your pictures are beautiful. And now that too will lay untouched, cuz no one will update your statuses now.
Please relay this message to G-d: We have suffered enough!!! We have cried too many tears! It is time to end this golus and send us Moshiach!!!!!! NOW!!!
Be safe, Pesha Leah. May all the angels be with you, and may you be granted a place right by G-d’s throne, center stage.
And we will see you again very soon, very very soon.
I-m hurt, I-m shocked, but I am not Mad
Together with you … we feel the pain about the loss of our dear friend. But, to write you are mad… is not something of faith, or how the Rebbe has taught us to approach tragedies.
Being Mad, is not the emotion we must go to; if anything we must ask ourselves ….. what positive action shall we do to take away the pain which others have. We can be hurt, but who are we mad at?
May Hashem comfort all of us, and Bring Moshiach now!
anonymous
Beautiful!
Concerned
Please donate to the Pesha Leah Azoulay Fund to pay for the cost of the Levaya & the families immediate expenses. Mail or deliver your check made out to EXRAT ISAEL ( its tax deductable ) to c/o Rabbi Lipa Brennan 823 Montgomery St Brklyn NY 11213. Credit Card payments can be called in to 718 438 2727.
Thankyou everyone.
Leah Rosenstein, Oak Park, MI
That is exactly what her classmates are feeling. No one can believe it. It still seems like she should be around some place.
Her high school class still gets together for farbrangens and last night they fabranged in her memory. The class is sorely missing their friend and classmate. They can’t believe she is not among them anymore in a physical sense. Friends who just assumed that she would be getting together with them in the coming days are in a state of shock. The neighborhood where she grew up in Oak Park, MI is just not the same either.
Hopefully from her position in the next world, she can intercede for those who cared for her and for whom she cared, in this world.
Beautiful
Very touching message!
3rd party
Beautiful letter, of course there is a Heaven! She’s basking in the light of gan eden right now!
Moshiach now and NO MORE SUFFERING!
tell me why!
I just totally freaked out and had a terrible nightmare:
This could have been me.
Could have been my sister.
Chas Vshalom!
Why did Hashem choose her?
I AM ANGRY!!!
to i am not mad.
how can u say you are not mad. the Rebbe himself said we should be mad at Hashem for the holocaust and ask how can it be. He said we should DEMAND for moshiach. He said over and over we WANT moshiach NOW!!!! we need to be upset and angry and mad. this doesn’t make sense. yes Hashem has a plan and all is for good but we have the right as His children to be mad and demand a stop to this sadness and for moshiach to come NOW!!!! i knew pesha leah ob’m and she did not deserve to have a short life. she was special, nice and wonderful..who are you to say we shouldn’t be mad! we are MADk, ANGRY and HURT and we must do good deeds to end this GOLUS right NOW!!!!!!
BP Yid
Pesha wrote an article for single girls who go on shlichus, she gave the advice to daven and do chitas before a hectic day starts, I am not Lubavich and I ve never been on shlichus as you call it, but I ve decided to take upon myself to make sure to daven shachris fist before getting busy with whatever and then run and daven before mid-day. I thought when I read the article: Waw, of course I should daven shachris first thing in the morning, she is soo right this girl, I am so thankful she wrote this article!
Pesha, I never met you, but your advice in that article stuck with me, I am now involved with girls out of high school, I ALWAYS tell them: Daven first, talk to Ribono shel oilam first, and see how much better your day will go…
moved to believe
I just found her blog online and tried to read some of it. I never knew her, never even heard her name. But there is no way to walk away from her writing without being moved in a very positive direction!
http://ashrainu.blogspot.com/
Brave
That is the problem with a hespid: Its either too much or not enough. May hashem consol the morners amogst the morners of zion in Yerusholayim.
TL
Pesha, i met you once, and your distinct cheerful and memorable personality stuck to me. You were different then the rest of them. You were kind, non-judgemental, happy, passionate about things many of us shove aside to never be thought about again. You were different because you stuck out with your contagious smile, because when everyone else sat there with nothing to say, you found the perfect comforting words that emanated happiness. We spoke. And our pleasant exchange of words left us parting with a smile plastered on my face. You just couldn’t help making me laugh. You were so friendly. You knew what this world was all about but you still exuded strength and hope. As i sit here crying emotionally over the communities loss, I ponder to myself… Pesha was different. She was different because I feel and know all of this about my dear friend Pesha. And i only met her once.
May we all take a lesson from Pesha… and have tremendous Ahavas Yisroel towards one another. May we spread happiness and Brachos. May we be accepting of eachother and not Judge.
Although your years were of youth- you left an incredible impression upon all those you knew, you met, and those you shared your wonderful poems with through your blog.
Thank You for bumping into me that one time. I will never forget you.
meir weiss
bh
tatti?
it’s meir here (“but you know that :)
please elevate her soul: Pesha Leah to the highest heights of refinement and elevation
-i send much love and consolation to all who loved her and now are moved to respond to her passing fwd in her souls’ travells :)……
tatti yisborech please we are shaken to our core enough
shaken to get all the ”oil and good deeds and our mitzvos we are destined to fuffill……………
zeiss tatti.. please. genug shoin moshiach now.
i guess i am a chutzpainyak for writing this way…
and i regret i’m not sorry, but that’s my golus talking
reveal yourself to us tatti yisborech, all we want is YOU.nothing else than you…..
GUT shabbos mevorchim shvat
ay2z
So heartfelt, so sad… Moshiach now!!
some food for thought
very sad and well written.
but should we be posting in our websites, chabad websites, our sfeikos in emuna “Was there really a bright light at the end of the tunnel, like they describe in the books?” or “Is there really a place called heaven?”
do we want our kids reading that? or for that matter even adults??
TO I AM ANGRY!!!
you write “the Rebbe himself said we should be mad at Hashem for the holocaust”, I am not well versed in all sichos, but I think you are mistaken with the words you are using.
chana
to some food for thought; it was using words from pesha leah’s poems- there was one that seemed she was describing her death and it seems the author of this letter used her poem back in a letter to her.
to all- maybe the correct word would be “anguished” other than mad or angry.
Eli
What happened this past week was a tragedy, and we lost a fine young woman. As we pour our hearts out in grief, we must not let our emotions take control of our minds.
This author is spreading the idea that it’s OK to ask questions such as:
“Was there really a bright light at the end of the tunnel, like they describe in the books?”
“Where did you go? Is there really a place called heaven?”
It is not OK, We are Ma’aminim, and we do not question the Torah – “the books”. Nor should we spread our Sfeikos in public.
Haveing grief is one thing, but before we start asking questions of “WHY?”, remember the Asarah Ha’rugei Malchus –
the angels asked “This is the Torah and this is the Reward!?”
and the answer was “If I hear one more voice, I will turn over the world….it is a decree before me, accept it you jokers of religion…..”
May the families be comforted, and may we merit the coming of Moshiach.
Chanah Rivkah
BS“D
We’ve lost a very special, beautiful neshama. I met Pesha Leah only once, and she made such an impression on me that I will never forget. She did such an act of chesed for me (and my family), even though I had only met her that night.
It was over the summer after an event at Machon Chana. It was in the evening, and after the class Pesha Leah and I and another girl gathered to talk before we went home. I remember we were talking about how different life is in Crown Heights compared to where we had all come from. I can’t remember if I mentioned this to her or not, but I am a gerress, and I was really feeling nervous to walk home by myself that night. Pesha Leah was so kind, and such a tzadekes that she offered to walk me all the way to my apartment. And she did! Sometimes the Ger can go through so much, and we are so sensitive, but it was so nice to have Pesha Leah treat me with such kindness. She really seemed like an angel to me that night. I thought,”certainly I’ll see her around Crown Heights again I hope.” But I did not. May her friends and family be comforted. I am so sorry for your loss, and for our loss as a community for this beautiful neshama.
Daniel Brenner
G-d is big enough to handle our doubts, fears and questions. If Yidden need to air their doubts in public then we should respond with love and devotion, gentle mussar, strong Chassidus. Pesha, my cousin, our family friend, was one of the strongest people I know. She fought many difficult personal battles – even doubt about whether she would ever get married – human problems, Jewish problems. She overcame these with a tenacity to be a servant of Hashem. She married. She was moving on in life. Anyone who knew her knew the positive person she was, but she was no fool. The hard knocks of life didn’t keep her down, nor ruin her faith. May the zechus of our next mitzvah give her neshamah an aliyah, and may her name be for a blessing to her family and klal Yisroel.
proud 2 be chabad
your letter reached out and was able to penetrate to the core . i am sure pesha leah obm was proud to know you. please carry on for her and all of us. you were able to say what we are thinking, of course your question is really underlining your emunah. as the rebbe points out if there w as no belief who would you be questioning.???? still the all powerful rebono shel olam can accomplish his goals in ways of revealed goodness and in a sweet way. ad mosai??????????????????????????????????????????????
To TL
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Like most people, I have never met Pesha Leah – but I really took what you said to heart. Hashem, WHY HER? Why choose such a special neshama to ‘demonstrate’ to us what real Golus is like?
AD MOSAI! AD MOSAI! AD MOSAI!
tova
I never really knew you, but i knew you’re family. You were their strength and encoragement. Something about you was different. What a good soul you were. To bad I never got to know you. I only hear wonderful things about you. This is a tragedy and you will be missed by all.