85 Comments

• Sad

  oh how true, how true…

• cher

  a similar thing happened to my brother. My mother was constantly getting excellent reports from yeshiva, but when the current rosh yeshiva was asked for a report, because my brother wanted to go to a different yeshiva out of c.h., the rosh yeshiva in c.h. gave a bad report. This was because a lot of bochurim were planning on leaving for the next year, and he didn’t want to lose my brother, who was considered a good bochur. DISGUSTING. my parents had rebbes who teach in the yeshiva call to tell the truth. My brother eneded up going to the out of town yeshiva, however, i lost all respect for that rosh yeshiva. disgusting!!!

• Zalman

  Ditto
  Ifeel that there should be more accountability to our Yeshivas- They will have to know how to work with those that don’t fit into their mold. ZTo help them when the Yeshiva is closed. Those Rabbaium that do not do this should close down. Their should be ONE clearing house so to say that will give approval to ALL LUBAVITCHER YESHIVAS!!!

• shalom

  i agree 100 precet all the yeshivas boys and girls become a bussniss all they care about is the money cash tuition

  rebbe ohy rebbe we need you

• abc

  I won’t address the article topic, but I’m surprised at the lack of editing. It doesn’t look good.

• mother

  How about the Yeshiva in ******* telling my husband because our son wasn’t A+++ (his words!) they wouldn’t take him?

  He is a serious bochur, frum, chassidish & a nice boy. Still not good enough because WE DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT NAME. When are these Yeshivos going to stop this garbage? It is their fault we have so many kids on the streets. Parents work hard to bring their kids up right but if the schools stop decent boys getting in to Yeshivos the next generation of Lubavitch will be even more pathetic & useless than now.

  Is this why I became frum? So my kids can be treated like lepers? Why won’t you answer me? Why do we get ignored? We can pay tuition. You all know where to come when your Chabad house needs something. Guess what? NO MORE $ FROM MY FAMILY!

  People should know the truth.

• BCh

  Crown Heights Yeshivas are not “kehila” schools in a sense that they are not run by the community and are not answerable to the community. If the CH community ever gets its act together to fix the Beis Din and the Vadd, then perhaps those organizations can start community-run yeshivas (for both boys and girls) that accept child, regardless of the parents’ ability to pay. I am sure that would change the way the existing institutions do things as well (with some of them perhaps having no choice bu to go under the auspices of the kehila). Conversely, if the Beis Din and the Vaad can’t address this largest crisis we currently face, why do we even need them?

• to BCH

  this is not a CROWN HEIGHTS ISSUE

  this is a issue for LUBAVITCH

  we all suffer wether we live in crown heights or not
  all the yeshivas do this brunoy does in ohelei torah does it toronto does la does it miami does it i can go on

  there needs to a central group of lubavitch rabonim that can control all tehse places with their disgusting attitudes to parents

  and then they want to know why there is not ONE ALUMNI that wants to support them

• BCH

  To all the people who think that running a yeshiva is a profitable business, try running one. Clearly, none of you ever did. Even by collecting an exorbitant tuition, a private yeshiva simply can’t bridge the remaining budget gap by the available government grants (assuming they even have the know-how to secure such grants) and fundraising. Moreover, it is quite stupid to expect that a private out-of-town yeshiva will simply take “every student”. They have neither the money nor the space to do anything of the sort!

  For all the people who think their child is not accepted somewhere do the the lack of yichus, change your meds, ASAP. All the yeshivas care about is that 1) the prospective student matches their profile 2) the parents can pay the tuition. Period.

  Again, the only answer is community-run yeshivas in CH!

• BCH

  It is only a “Lubavitch issue” because the local schools can’t do the job and parents are forced to send kids away. OUR children’s chinuch is OUR responsibility, not the responsibility of a yeshiva in some distant place…

• A parent

  I think that we all need siiata dishmaya.and a lot of emunah and ishtadlus.
  We came to a point where we all need the Geulah.
  Yeshivas need funds for the basics,to help all types of kids they would need more money and more teachers, and sending the teachers to learn special skils.Fundraising is very hard especially in this economy.
  We as parents of bli ain hora many kids don’t have the funds to pay even for the basic yeshiva tuition, unless you have a degree that we are not encouraged to go get, or you are from a rich family, the son of a succesful fundraiser or you stroke rich.
  Most of us are struggling daily and at the same time we want a good education for our sons. We need you Hashem to bless us with what we need to serve you the way you want us to.
  I think I’m asking you Hashem not only on my name but in the name of so many Idn that are crying bitterly quietly and all because they want to have their kids going on your path. Hashem in the name of all of us “ad Mosai” bring relief now!!It is time for Hashem to bring the geulah and make us all rich to afford what it costs to be a Good Jew

• chaim

  I have lived in 3 lubavitch communities in the usa. Its a problem everywhere. We didn’t go on shliachus because we had no pull, after my parents paid full tution in the best yeshivous. We have no college education and 5 kids later how am I going to pay 7k per kid in school and camp! The system is messed up and needs to change. My children will go to a college and being chassidish doesn’t get u far in the real world

• Rebbi (who is owed a few paychecks)

  I hear your plight, it is sad indeed, but it is not “the destroyers” who are to blame. I recently entered the chinuch field and I was horrified to discover that the truth was “not allowed” to be told to the parents. The reason? Parents will blame the school if the school if the kid is not doing well, sometimes it is not the schools fault, so instead of having to put up with the parents rants, the school prefers to say what the parents want to hear. When you stop calling the Roshei Yeshivos “destroyers,” they will start telling you what you need to know about your kid.

  In a recent farbrengen, a Rav in the Schunah said that the only way to ensure the proper chinuch of your children is by not leaving it up to any moised. You must know where your kid is, and what he is doing at every moment, even if he is away from home. The trick is that your kid shouldn’t know that you are following his every move. So don’t blame the Rosh Yeshiva for not telling you, if you were really interested, you would have questioned further until you really found out.

  Yeshiva’s want good kids, not because they are good kids, but because they provide a good environment for your kid to be nurtured in. The standards of the majority of the group determine the general level of most of the students in the group. In a poor group, the level of the good kids will weaken, in a strong group, the weaker kids will be strengthened (again this has to be put into perspective). But please do not blame the moisdos for wanting good kids, they want to provide a good chinuch for your kid.

  About the money, lets be honest, most administrators want to minimize tuition, they don’t want you to pay the exorbitant fees. They would love to give every kid a free ride, but then there would be no moisad for your kid to go to.

  Please do not criticize the people that are moiser nefesh to do your obligation of being mecahnech your kids. If you have constructive advise, offer it, but don’t blast the work of good people that are working in your best interest on a public forum.

• How true

  Yasher Koach for stepping up and starting this issue, i dont believe any of us know how deep this problem has become, yeshivas have stepped up their standards (not for the right reasons) of who they except, and today more then ever before we have kids/bochurim these ages in the streets, and so many of them are due to these hanholes/Roshei Yeshivas who are rejecting these bocurim time after time, they are rejecting bochurim that are basicaly decent bochurim(not oisvorfen)that are perhaps lacking a little bit in reshonim and achronim, or maybe need a little more of a chasidisher beindel, i am not talking about bochurim that are sereiously lacking or bad influence on others,even in these kind of bochurim yesh ladun bedovar zeh, i am talking about good dcecent bochurim that need a little tweeking the yeshivos continue to write them of because the want a name for their yeshiva,
  This is a crime, they are ruining these bocurim beyadayim, with their own hand, the ones we entrust with our childrens chinuch, their lives, their childrens live will forever be affected by those who continue to reject them,save a child and you saves a generation of children,detroy a child and you destroy a generation of his children his childrens children and so on, shame on them for discarding a bochur so quickly, and so easly, I ask these hanholes and powers that be, when you sending away these bochurim do you practice what you preach? do you think for a minute about “Rebbe” would he agree with send of of this bochur?, when you send away away this bochur are you sending him away for his benefit or yours, when you send him away from your yeshiva do you see to it that he gets in to another or do you never look back. by krias shma shel hamita,when you surly go ever you day can you, do you think about these bocurim that you are rejecting what they must feel like, can you serious think about these bochurim that are left to the streets today an say “Yadeinu lo shafchu es hadam Hazeh”?

  Perhaps like BCH wrote there must be a grassroots effort to establish a vaad of Rabbonim, that could deal with this most impotant issue that is affecting so many in such a big way

  A concered parent who is starting to get a tast of this problem

• IT IS NOT THE MONEY

  WAKE UP

  THIS ARTICLE IS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY
  it is about a system that does not take responsibilty for their students

  our children are the future and they are not hefker for these people to decide mi yichye and mi yumus

  who are they to decide who lives and who dies

  this is talking about people that are willing to pay the issue is RESPOSIBILTY

• DISGUSTED WITH THE SYSTEM

  TO : abc wrote:
  I won’t address the article topic, but I’m surprised at the lack of editing. It doesn’t look good.
  TAKE YOUR NOSE OUT OF THE AIR AND TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT WHATS GOING ON AROUND YOU.
  YOU, AND OTHERS LIKE YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.
  WHEN A SCHOOL IS ONLY CONCERNED WITH WINDOW DRESSING AND NOT THE STUDENTS BENIFITS THAT’S SAD.
  UNFORTUNATELY MANY AND MOST INSTITUTIONS MUCH LIKE THE ONES THAT WERE ATTENDED OVER 30 YEARS AGO- THEY RAN THEM LIKE THEY DO TODAY, A PLACE TO BRING IN THEIR RELATIVES AND THEIR CHILDREN WHO OFCOURSE NEEDS JOBS , THEY IN TURN RUN IT LIKE A PRIVATE BUSINESS AND THE KIDS ARE THE ONES SUFFERING.
  UNFORTUNATELY,WHEN YOU TAKE A CHILD AND PUT HIM THROUGH THE RINGER AND DO YOUR BEST TO DISILUSION THEM FROM THE DERECH SO THAT THEY DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH CHABAD AND CHASVESHALOM YIDDISHEKEIT, THEN THESE PEOPLE NEED TO FIND ANOTHER VOCATION- TRY BANKING , SO YOU’RE NEAR THE DOLLAR BILLS THAT YOU WORSHIP SO MUCH, INSTEAD OF THE CHINUCH OF JEWISH CHILDREN – SOMETHING CHABAD WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BASED ON.
  ITS TOO BAD IF YOUR SENSIBILITIES ARE OFFENDED – BETTER THAT THEN ANOTHER JEWISH CHILD IS DISSOLUSIONED WITH THE HIPOCROSIY SO RAMPENT IN THE SYSTEM WE LIKE TO SAY “THAT NEVER TURNS AWAY A CHILD” – THEY JUST TURN THEM OFF.
  SORRY , BUT I’VE SEEN THE WAY THAT THE SYSTEM WORKS – STICK YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND IF YOU WANT, MAYBE YOU ARE ONE OF THE ELSCUSIVE ONES THAT AREN’T WITH CHILDREN WHO ARE SUFFERING AND WERE ONCE HAPPY AND SUNSHINY CHILDREN WITH HEALTHY AND POSITIVE OUTLOOKS BEFORE SOME OF THESE SO CALLED EDUCATORS WITH NO HEARTS, JUST AGENDAS GOT THEIR HOOKS INTO THEM.
  SOME OF THESE EDUCATORS EVEN WENT SO FAR TO TAPE CHILDRENS MOUTHS, THROW THEM IN GARBAGE PAILS,BRUSH THEIR TEETH WITH UNCLEAN BRUSHES AND LOCK THEM IN CLOSETS, AND DISCUSS THEIR PRIVATE BUSINESS WITH ALL THE ADMINSTRATION…ETC.. WHEN THEY GOT FINISHED WITH THEM THE KIDS WERE STUTERING, BITING NAILS AND WETTING THEMSELVES, AND REFUSING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.
  VERBAL ABUSIVE IS JUST AS BAD. IT DEMORALIZES AND DESHEARTENS A CHILD AND BREAKS THEIR SPIRITS- IS THIS WHAT WE WANT FOR OUR CHILDREN??
  ITS A SYSTEM THAT WORKS ONLY FOR A SELECTED FEW.
  WHILE THE OTHERS ARE LEFT TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES.

  I’M DISGUSTED WITH THE SYSTEM AND THE PEOPLE THAT RUN IT.
  THE REBBE WOULD BE TOO.

• happy

  i did not even read the whole thing and i started to get sick. its a sick. no the whole thing make me sick because i know if any of the roish yeshivas are reading this they are saying its some crazy guy who wrote this. they suck[ not all]i got burt myself for no reason because they were a bunch of closed minded sick people.i do not respect any of them today.

• luck

  to a parent wrote. siiata dishmaya and emunah is good for your cat. things have to change big time.

• mother

  Thank you for posting our experience. However, please explain why you deleted the name of the Yeshiva that was so insulting about my son. Why is this loshon hora but hurting and insulting my son is OK & throwing him on the scrapheap at 17? Are you afraid of them getting back at you? I hope you will print this comment, it need to be said.

  I think Yeshivos should be held accountable. Parents like us (who have the money to pay the high tuition but don’t have the right name and are BT’s)whose kids are rejected for no good reason should be able to publicly name and shame. I know a boy who is a yosom. His mother couldn’t get him into the Yeshiva where his friends were going. There is nothing wrong with this boy, just like my son only an A+ bochur. Another woman had to call this yeshiva not a million miles away from Crown Heights and tell them how disgusting they are and eventually, with a nasty way, they told this almoneh they would do her a favor and take her son. She was devastated.

  The person who wrote all the yeshivos do it- You missed these 2 well known yeshivos from your list. Take a guess.

• Chicago Anash

  The Rebbe said many times, “If a person takes away someone’s Parnassah Ruchni, Hashem takes away their Parnassah Gashmi”. Our children of Anash are not for sale. How can these rodfim chase our children away from the Rebbe’s teachings?

  There are too few people willing to stand up and fight this tyranny. But, even worse is there are even fewer people out there dealing with our children on the streets. In Chicago the one person who deals with these kids is an extremely Lubavitch-friendly Litvak. But, where are our Anash?

  Either the yeshivahs and mesivtas keep the kids, or at least have alternative programs for them. You can’t bounce kids from yeshiva to yeshiva, and when that fails leave them without a safety net. We all appreciate Rabbi Finkel’s assistance, but can’t Anash join together and support his efforts.

  Let all worldwide Anash get together to fund a mesivta and yeshiva that allows all bochurim in, works with each one on their own needs, and guarantees to keep them until ready to progress further. Then we will make the Rebbe proud. The mesivta in Chicago, one of the premier Lubavitch mesivtas also had a Lubavitch-friendly person in charge, why not do something similar???

• Skeptic

  This is pure buck-passing by parents who wake up when it’s too late. If they had spent just a half hour a day thinking about the education of their children, they could have saved them. Many bochurim who are hardly rocket scientists are part of the successful majority.

  Bitter parents, like those quoted, should re-examine their chassidische homes, search their chassidische hearts and stop blaming teachers, roshei hayeshivos and everyone else but themselves.

  The solution is to PAY:
  More attention to your kids
  Tuition on time
  Attention to warning signs from teachers.

• To BCH

  To BCH:
  If you do work in the administration of a Yesihiva, I would like to bring to your attention something about Mentchlichkeit, which you failed to consider in your comment:

  “It is quite stupid to expect that an out-of-town Yeshiva would simply take every student”
  Using “stupid” when trying to make your point is at best, unprofessional, and not Mentchlich.

  “For all those people who think their child is not accepted in to a Yeshiva due to a lack of yichus, change your meds ASAP”
  This is outright rude, reflects a total insensitivity and ignorance about this real Chinuch issue, and about meds, too!

  If you do indeed work in a Yeshiva, (which, with that attitude I pray you don’t) you have only added proof for the very sorry Chinuch predicament this community finds itself in!

• been there done that thank G-d I am done

  when this type of thing happened to me and I was in the middle, no big influencial name and no big money, however was thank G-d able to pay my tuition which saved me (my son’s somewhat). I took a phylisophical attitude and had sit down talks with my boys, that if “they” blocked the front door, you go through the back, or climb through a window but you get there. we are not going to give these “people” any right or power to destroy your lives. but my most brilliant inspiration/eppiphany that made the biggest impact with my boys was this — these teachers/principle are blip in your life, you have to put up with them for a limited time and then your life is what you make it. they have to live in their skin forever. and we are frum Jews and there is a G-d. leave their commuppence in His hands. believe or not there will be a time you kid comes to you and gives you validation for what you told them.

• agree

  sad but so true!!!

• LYS

  It’s time that you start taking responsabilty for your ownb children and stop blaming any problems on the schooling system. The chinuch starts at home and everyone must feel responsible for what happens to their children. This is the only way things will get better- when the chinuch at home is improved.

• to skeptic

  you did not read this article
  or your IQ level is very low

  this is about good kids getting a bad rap from the roish yeshivas
  this is about the roish hayeshivas deciding if your kid stays in a yeshiva or is on the street

  this is about them have NO resposiblty to the paying customer

  this is about the rosh yeshivas that dont want any reposibilties

  not about haveing good kids

  this is about good kids

• insight

  maybe if chabad cared about education half as much as the chabad houses things would be different

• yoyo

  Okay, so here goes…my opinion, as a parent, and as a teacher in a local school.
  Parents— stop trying to find excuses of why tuition should be lowered for you, seriously! people are affording clothes, cars etc. but not tuition?
  Schools- parents are having a hard time as it is, so if upk or headstart or daycare or whatever grant is paying for things— don’t charge the parents for it…ex. upk parents– do you know? you do not have to pay for trips? the upk program pays for it…but then the yeshiva charges for it bec. tuition is not being paid, so it’s an extra income.
  Another not to the schools—- if you let one person pay less, no one will want to pay more than their friend. Make parents pay a certain amoutn, if they can’t , get them involved — save money in that way,,,it may be more of a pain for you, but parents will learn that there’s no free lunch.

• Parent hoping to save our children

  Three cheers! Yes, how true.

  Look at OUR Central Yeshiva in Crown Heights. 30 boys in Zal. And the Mesivta even less. A crying shame. It is our yeshiva not a place to put family members of the Hanhola that need jobs. Let’s get rid of them and take back OUR yeshiva.

  Once and for all let’s do what we need to remove these people in position, yes, these “DESTROYERS” and save our children. We are blind and don’t see what is happening to us, in our own yeshiva here in Crown Heights where they throw bochurim on the street instead of dealing with those that are not the “mitzuyonim.”

  Let’s wake up and act.

• To YoYo

  You don’t seem to get it. This is not about money. The Roshei Yeshivos have no problem with money. This is about destroying children. If you don’t see what is happening out there, come out from under your rock.

• beis shmuel people

  i cant wait till the “beis shmuel crowd” and i dont mean that shul in particular i mean all the new shuls and the young guys in the neighborhood that are getting together and doing things

  when their kids grow up and need mesiftas and stuff, they will know what to do they are the products of the “system”

  i would love to see what they do

  so far i am a little dissapoimted in them, they did not do anything for the younger classes.

  so …. as an old guy i sit back and watch and wait

• suggestion

  I think a lot more people need to look into homeschooling.

• ZAK

  To the author.

  On the right side of the keyboard, bordering the right side of the letter “M”, and underneath the letters “K” and “L” there is a comma key.

  Please use it.

  Your article is practically unreadable.

• Confused

  I wonder why the Chabad yeshiva system should be looked at any differently then the secular college system or the litvish yeshiva system. Not everyone gets into Harvard or Brisk (not sure if that is the right yeshiva to reference), some must be happy going to community college or a state school – why must Chabad yeshivos be different? Seems to me there is a wide range of yeshivos that specialize in different things. You have your Brunoys and Manchesters and you have Melbourne and Los Angeles. Each have different strenths and attract different types of bochurim.

• Shame on those r`y who make these decisi

  Its reallly good to see somebody speaking up about this issue, i am not in yeshiva, because the yeshiva i really wanted to go to wouldnt take me because my rosh yeshiva didnt take shluchim from his yeshiva!!!!! now thats the achdus world the yeshiva (buissness) system is these days!
  Sad but so horrribly true!

• Skeptic

  Skeptic replies:
  When people say, “it’s not the money…” it IS the money.
  When people say “it’s about ‘good kids,’” they mean ‘it’s about MY kids.
  When people say “it’s about ALL the rotten roshei yeshivos and ALL the rotten teachers,” they mean, “I feed the kid, I clothe the kid, I take the kid to doctor and send him to camp – the rest is up to the professionals. If something goes wrong, they are at fault, the system is at fault, the Rebbe is at fault, the WHOLE LUBAVITCH is at fault.

  Smell the coffee; don’t worry about the IQs of others; take stock of what is going on in your home and in the heads of your kids, who really are good, until you fill them with attitude.

• A Mother

  I COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER!!!!!!
  THANK YOU, ITS ABOUT TIME SOMEONE POSTED THIS!

• Missed opportunity

  There is a saying before you eat dinner take all you want but eat what you take.
  What the Rebbie should have said is have as many children you can but first be able to afford all the ones you want to make.

• to Skeptic, LYS

  A parent’s education at home will ONLY result in retaining “Sur Mera”. What about the 90% of Lubavitcher Bochurim who complete the system without the slightest interest to open a Jewish book (Nigleh or Chassidus) ever again! (I wish that was an exaggeration). So much for your “Successful majority”!!!!!

• Mother still unforgiving

  I have an unbelievable story- tragic but true. We paid full tuition for an out of town mesivta for 2 years. In the summer before the third year, we signed a contract as usual and submitted head checks. In May, the Vaad Hagashmius (one man) decided he should have asked for more money. We said we would try to make a donation. We could only give a few hundred(wedding). We were actually told that if we did not pay more, they would retract their recommendation for Yeshiva next year. We would not be blackmailed. The recommendation was taken back and our son was not accepted( after being told he was. He ended up in a better yeshiva and that Yeshiva has since closed. The man who did this horrible thing will be judged by Hashem

• CH Guy

  I can Testify (As a bucher using the internet in yeshevah during saider chasidus) that there is a prob. with the Hanholas Hayeshevah, not just the Roshay yeshevah but also the Mashkechim, let us not 4get this.

  I can see the work going on by the Hanholas HaGashmie and thare efert to make the lives of bucherim better. dont 4get that thare is a receshin going on and the yeshevah has no $ (mine at least) The fundraser in my Yeshevah comes in at 5:30 in the morning to take the garbidge off the floor (left by your son.)

  And when you get a call from your son that there is no food, why not ask him of the tuna and other food he stole from the storige room? the walls that he broke, the wall he “expressed” himself on (Bathroom)?

  in short, my point is that the Hanholo (‘s Hagashme) is doing its best for me and your son.

  and to those discusted by my spelling – ‘Slicha’ I dont have a Hischool deploma (And i nead to go back to learn Chasidus)

• Bekitzur

  To:Rebbi (who is owed a few paychecks)
  I agree with you 100%
  1. The Hanholo is scared of the parents reactions
  2. The parents should be more involved and informed
  3. It costs money to run a moisad. Any Yeshiva costs this much if not more. Including Litfish ones.
  4. Good students in a weak group lose out and weak students in a strong group get stronger.

• A frustrated Mother

  Thank you so much for your article,I am going through this issue as we speak. My son is really a great kid and the Principle is giving me a hard time.At least I know I am not alone. I hope it works out because if it doesn’t I am taking my kid out of the Lubavitche School that he has been attending Kindergarden through 8th grade and will send him somewhere else maybe in Flatbush. I know there are problems everywhere but I am getting really turned off from some Lubavitchers that are running the show.I became Frum because of the genuine caring of the Rebbe and don’t see that around here much anymore. Maybe I will also move out of here,since I don’t like Crown Heights and am here only because of the Chinuch. Thanks again

• RABBI REIZES

  i think Obama should have the say, and it should be under his supervision

• Maureen

  b“h
  Its is a nechama for me to know i’m not the only one. I actually only met with the system this year when trying to register my son to one o the mosdos in CH and they couldn’t accept him in any mosad saying ”we r too full“ ”maybe next year will be better“ ”try another school“ ”o, your son is getting services from early intervention? maybe he is better of at home” etc’ etc’ and i was stuck at home with two kids since Jan 09, one who cant wait to go to school and an other baby. i was sure that living in CH and not in some desrted place like india will for sure make finding a good place for my son easier but I was wrong. and only after i cried and bagged, someone who knows someone got me in Mosdot. why did i have to fight getting a jewish child start learning Torah?
  i really think someone should volenteer leeding this fight, maybe in the next women gathering like chof beis shvat or something.
  Yashar koach or the bloger.

• The Rosh

  I am a Rosh Yeshiva of one of our Yeshivos. Before I explain why I rejected your child, I want you to know it is not his fault. From when he was young you allowed him to watch TV and be influenced by the culture of TV shows. You allowed him to watch videos at home – and I don’t mean Uncle Moishe or JEM videos. He developed a taste for movies, and now he graduated to new releases of feature films. You allowed him free access to a computer with unrestricted surfing on the internet – he’s addicted to it. At home you keep secular newspapers, magazines and N.Y. Times Bestseller novels – your son is an avid reader. You also bought him all the gadgets – MP3’s, Ipods, DVD players and cell phone with surfing and texting.

  Now you want him to go to a “good” Yeshiva, and you are shocked that I rejected your precious son. So here’s a reality check.

  It is not his fault that he was immersed in all this poison -he doesn’t know different. But the bochurim in my Yeshiva DO know different. I and their parents want to keep it that way. We don’t want to become “infected” by the poison you fed your child.

  Your son’s upbringing is directly opposite of the type of bochurim my Yeshiva has. The issue isn’t if he know an extra tosfos or ma’amor – but the poison that he was fed from his youth. I am not going to allow this culture into my Yeshiva.

  Yes, I am old fashioned and you may call me closed minded. I don’t allow Ipods or DVD players or novels in my Yeshiva. No internet access, period. I don’t even alow cell phones!!

  This is all against your beliefs and the style of upbringing of your son – so why would you even want to send your son to such a “backward thinking” Yeshiva.

  I suggest you find somewhere that embraces your liberal attitutes, and I wish you hatzlacha.

  If this makes be a “destroyer” of your son, I do so to build the future of bochurim with true Torah and Chassidish values.

  I know you have another definition of chassidish values – and on that we part company.

• mommeh

  ok, Yo-yo has a point. Another similar one is that there were plenty of those who really needed help with tuition, and then plenty of those who, when they finally started getting money coming in, had to make their “Hollyvood kitchens”, and didn’t know what to do with the money. This is complicated yet uncomplicated. Have respect for the Rebbe…..if the teachers and hanlalas would have true love and respect for the Rebbe, THE CHILDREN WOULD NOT BE ON THE STREET…..(and by the way, why are we only mentioning the boys…..WHAT ABOUT THE GIRLS, THEY HAVE ALSO BEEN MISTREATED).
  DISGUSTED WITH THE SYSTEM wrote some very good words…..the last 1/4 of what you wrote was correct, and very tragically on the mark. The Rebbe told us so much and yet the kids were literally (some, many) potched (and worse), had treatments that I don’t want to even put down here on the internet.
  Where were the leaders? Where were the rules to run these yeshivos? I heard a rosh yeshiva once say something so condescending to a 9 year old group of boys, I don’t want to put that down either. Not worth it. MOST OF US HAVE HORRIFIC STORIES, unacceptable. There are a few teachers who were protected from some seriously inappropriate behaviors to the students, and it must be because they didn’t want to deal with the pressure from their relatives. NEBACH on that.
  if you can say that the parents should take responsibility and thats all you can say: OK, here goes: YES, we all need to take responsibility….b’chol dor ve dor, chayov odom, liros es atzmo k’ilu hu yotze mi mitzrayim….we can become better and better…..BUT we send our kids to THE REBBE’S MOSDOS and at that time, THEY have the responsibility.
  One year, about 15 years ago, three mothers told me a similar story, that their boys didnt turn up for shiur…..and one of the Rebbe’s excuses to the parents was : I didnt think you would care. The mother was devastated. How did this Rebbe know what was going on in their home? Did it matter what was going on in the home…..didn’t it matter what the boy was doing?
  Yes, I am one of those parents whose kids suffered from these Rebbes. We did the very best with what we had, and we expected the same from the mosdos….but got no respect as parents and our kids got no respect.
  Speaking of respect….I heard that comment once, and was stunned at its effect on me…..someone was talking about a certain girl who went off the derech from our Chabad mosdos…..they said “SHE WAS A NICE GIRL, TRIED HARD, AND THE ADMINISTRATION DID NOT GIVE HER RESPECT”. I heard this many times after. She was a simple girl from a well meaning family….a very well meaning family…..no big name…..so….does she get or deserve…respect? DESERVE?
  Doesn’t Torah teach us about this?
  Listen to the children, you will hear. Some of them come from small families with no geza roots…..yet they tried their best…..often with little respect. Yes, teachers have to give respect to each other, to the children, etc. Respect.
  Once a mother told me that her son’s rebbe told her : your son has an AVERAGE HEAD. If that boy had an AVERAGE head, then the Rebbe’s head was way less than average. The mother was just stunned that this Rebbe sounded so klein keppel about it. All about respect and respectability.
  All about being a Lubavitch mosad INSIDE the building, not just from the outside.
  Many of you have good thoughts and have shared them. Lets pray that this has opened the sore and help heal it. let us be aware that these things can happen and if we act with the Livush of Torah and Mitzvos, with Chochma, Binah and Daas, then maybe our children can benefit from this.
  Let us have more achdus, let us have more ahavas yisroel, let us be more ahavas and yiras HaShem.
  and if we realy want to see improvements,
  try showing Ahavas Yisroel to some of the boys who “didnt fit the system”. Give them a smile, love them for being a child of the Rebbe. They deserve it. We all deserve it, we have the ability to be a united community, and showing love can start the healing. Let the speakers in the community talk about the skill of ahavas yisroel until we learn how to do it.
  If each of us grows a bit more, and takes more responsibility for the children in our community, we just might see some change.
  The Rebbe left it up to us, so what are we waiting for?????
  AD MOSSAI

• emes

  other than venting – posting on blogsites changes nothing.

  if you don’t like the fact that school administrators no longer raise money but rather just just charge tuition, and you don’t like the fact that educators don’t know how to educate today’s children…

  go make your own school.

  but you probably aren’t ready to do that, espcially if it entails running an entity with a perpetual deficit. nor are you capable of creating a real educational system.

  so what’s left?

  just look around and you’ll see…

• Ceo

  R-E-S-P-E-C-T
  AHAVAS YISROEL
  REBBE’S INYONIM
  MASHGICHIM IN THE YESHIVAS WHO ARE NOT BEHOLDEN TO OTHERS, ONLY TO HASHEM AND THE REBBE
  LEARNING CHITAS
  KNOWING THE INYONIM OF NEFESH ELOKIS AND NEFESH HABAHAMIS
  TORAH AND MITVOS
  REBBE’S INYONIM
  SELF RESPECT
  VE AHAVTA LE REACHA KEMOCHA.

  What are these things?
  Things that I have heard in connection with a new mosad here in our midst, which is about all this.
  Think it over. Good words to know, and good words to live by, and it sounds like a mossad that has those middos.
  If we’ve got it, then wake up and be responsible to support it. There are parents who are saying its great.

• sure thing

  the emporer has no clothes

• pathetic

  the main reasons a yeshiva will not accept your son are:
  a)your son will be a bad influence on others and may pull them down with him. A yeshiva has a responsibility to protect the others.
  b)The Yeshiva knows that it is not equipped for your sons specefic goals and cannot take on a student that they know they will be unable to help.
  So… stop blaming the world and take a good hard look at whats going on…most parents wake up when their kids are teenagers – and then blame the yeshiva for ‘destroying’. some never wake up and are oblivious to what their kids are up to- and any negative conduct is ‘obviously’ the yeshiva’s fault. giving your child freedom, internet, movies etc has’nothing’ to do – and I love when they say“we pay so much, they should work with him”.
  get real parents! yeshivos cant undo the negative influences many of the kids have been exposed to for years.
  parents- get your act together and stop relying on everyone else to make sure your kids grow up normal

• Yad Hachasidim Al Haelyona

  I see this parent wants to vent. But putting blame on others(or even yourself) is not going to help the situation.
  Hanholas are under a lot of pressure. If the Rosh Yeshiva runs the Yeshiva himself then he has to do a lot of fund raising. If he is employed by others he has to deal with a boss, board etc.
  Unfortunately there are some Rosh Yeshivas, Menahels etc. that don’t know how to deal well with all kinds of children.
  B”H the good new there are plenty of new yeshivas out there.
  I sympathize with the writer.
  I had a relative who was rejected from one Moisod and the mother was very upset. It turned out in the end that a member in the Hanhola of the school where he/she went to after being rejected helped make his/her shiduch.

• =BLAME === BLAME === BLAME!!!!!!!!!!!!

  THE REBBEH GAVE EACH PARENT THE GUARANTEED WAY TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM TODAYS UNPRECEDENTED CHALLENGING TIMES!!!
  only only those who did not follow, implement the rebbe’s words are rushing to blame, blame blame,

  dont get me wrong!
  todays yeshivos are certainly staffed by very poor quality mechanchim, lack of living examples of sincere happy jews!!!

  however we were all given the remedy in advance!!!
  “THE REBBEH URGED, THAT A PARENT DEDICATE, AT LEAST 30 MIN. EACH DAY ON THINKING, ANALYZING THE CHINUCH OF THE CHILDREN”

  (THIS EXERCISE CERTAINLY GOES A LONG WAY TO NIPPING IN THE BUD ANY PROBLEM, ACADEMIC, EMOTIONAL, SOCIAL ETC THAT IF LEFT UNTREATED CAN CHV SNOW-BALL INTO AN OVERALL RESENTMENT AT YIDISHKEIT ETC)

  D
  DON’T EXPECT THE SYSTEM TO NOT DAMAGE, IF YOU HAVENT FOLLOWED THE REBBE’S INOCULATION PLAN!

• Yossi

  My name is yossi and I’m 17 years old I was in misvta in ch and out the end of the year thay sent me a letter saying I can’t come back but thay will help me to get to a diffrint yeshiva. Witch never happened then I went to a yeshivas kayitz for the summer. And thay didn’t help me so I pushet really hard to get in to a diffrint yeshiva witch was detroit I was there for a month and it was not going so well and I really wanted it to work out I spoke to them and tryied I ask them to give me a chance to let me show them what I can do but no thay didn’t listion thay only told me I can’t come back by the end of tishrei so when I turned around all the yeshivos went back and I was left hanging thay told me thay will help me get in to another yeshiva but that didn’t happen then I treid to go to a yeshiva in ch I had a interveiw with the rosh yeshiva and I told him that yeah I’m not the best boucher but I really want to try and make it work and give it all I got but he won’t take me either so I was stuck for the whole not knowing where to go or waht to do I stayed home wasted my time and just got ruined a lot and I don’t know what to say is that maybe thay just need to let me show them who I really
  am… The rosh yeshiva say thay will help you to get in to a diffrint yeshiva but thay just want to get you off there back.

• Suzy Q

  I’m a relatively new BT. We have no big name, not a lot of money and no prestige. Yet, my son got into a very good yeshiva, whereas the son of a prominent shluchim family did not. I can’t explain it. I don’t understand it. I thank G-d my son got in and I feel bad for the boy who didn’t. Especially since he is a good boy and one of the brightest in the class, not to mention a good family name.

• How sad but true

  Its been happening for years and it wont change. It isnt only boys changing yeshivas that have the problem. Girls graduating high school and moving on to seminary have been in the same situation for years. If the Principle likes you then you have a shot at getting into your chosen sem…..

• someone who went through the system

  This is exactly why I, for one, would not hesitate for one moment to send my kids to a decent LITVISH yeshiva, where at least they can learn nigla, and they can have a good chance of growing up as shomrei torah u’mitzvos, (and they can get as much chassidus as they need & want) without all the B**LS**T that comes along with it from being “in the system”.

  All these “destroyers” – should be lined up and shot for all the lives they ruined and all the people they permanently destroyed with thier lousy politics and poison.

• ???

  Is this prob. only with the boys?

  if not is there something right about the girl school’s we must examen?

• this is a hayom yom! the REBBE-S SOLUTIO

  THE REBBEH GAVE EACH PARENT THE GUARANTEED WAY TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM TODAYS UNPRECEDENTED CHALLENGING TIMES!!!
  only only those who did not follow, implement the rebbe’s words are rushing to blame, blame blame,

  dont get me wrong!
  todays yeshivos are certainly staffed by very poor quality mechanchim, lack of living examples of sincere happy jews!!!

  however we were all given the remedy in advance!!!
  “THE REBBEH URGED, THAT A PARENT DEDICATE, AT LEAST 30 MIN. EACH DAY ON THINKING, ANALYZING THE CHINUCH OF THE CHILDREN”

  (THIS EXERCISE CERTAINLY GOES A LONG WAY TO NIPPING IN THE BUD ANY PROBLEM, ACADEMIC, EMOTIONAL, SOCIAL ETC THAT IF LEFT UNTREATED CAN CHV SNOW-BALL INTO AN OVERALL RESENTMENT AT YIDISHKEIT ETC)

  D
  DON’T EXPECT THE SYSTEM TO NOT DAMAGE, IF YOU HAVENT FOLLOWED THE REBBE’S INOCULATION PLAN!

• Yeshiva Menahel

  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?

  On the outside, your son looks okay. He has a shtickel beard (picked nicely). His tzitzis are hanging out of his black jean-style pants. Indeed he almost looks perfect from head covered by green yarmulka to pointy extra long shoes.

  Clearly your son is no “oys vorf” but during the interview I kept thinking of a few “oys” (as in oy vay). Especially when your son used words like “dude” (example: “My former maggid shiur is a good dude, he’s kindda cool, and he rocks”).

  Now don’t get me wrong, dude isn’t a curse word, and there’s nothing in Shulchan Aruch that says your shoes can’t be pointy and one amah long. There’s no “rule” that a shirt can only have one top button open (your son had three buttons open exposing a hairy chest and a black undershirt).

  I must admit, your son was able to demonstrate a decent grasp of the gemorah, until he answered his cell phone in the middle of the interview and had a 5 minute conversation with a friend about camp. After that the interview went south. He was distracted by a few incoming text messages.

  I agree that your son considers himself chassidish but he tells me that he isn’t really “into” going to mikvah daily. He also doesn’t think you need to “go crazy with frumkeit” and halacha is negotiable (example: “zman krias shema is for misnagdim”).

  He really wants to come to my yeshiva because, as he explained “you guys aren’t too strict and give us some slack, you don’t breathe down our backs for every little thing”.

  I gave very little weight to the comments about his parents. Things like “my father says there is no inyan to learn all day because Hashem wants us to live too”, or “my mother wants me to dress fashionably and one day get a college degree” were almost completely ignored.

  I did pay attention when he told me that many of his friends are “good” bochurim who learn okay and also watch the latest video movies.

  Unfortunately, notwithstanding what a “good boy” your son is, I simply cannot accept him.

  You will never understand why I rejected him, so I won’t bother explaining. As I said above, you can’t “destroy” someone already “destroyed”.

  Hatzlacha in another yeshiva!

• Mother of BH mostly sons.

  My sons were not ‘top yeshiva material“, we have minimal money and no name. We accepted they could not attend our local yeshiva because it wants top boys. Unfortunately, lower level yeshivas attract a variety of boys, and depending on whether the ”good boys“ or ”not good boys“ were the leaders of the class that year, determined which direction ALL of the boys basically went. Now, I have a boy who is again not :top”, but really wants to go to the local yeshiva and wants to grow in the right way. He doesn’t have internet at home, he has no cell phone, no movies or secular books. The school is reluctant to take him. I know the end result is he will go to a lower level yeshiva, and modern out like the rest of these boys speaking here. As far as ‘destroyers’, I was deeply hurt once when an older son was trying to transfer and was told by the Rosh there that we don’t take “boys like yours”- I honestly was afraid to ask what he meant by that, so I asked the Rosh at his current school about it, and he said “I don’t know”. That didn’t help me, nor did it enable me to help or understand my son better. It only hurt us both, and 5 years later, it still hurts.
  As for girls, sending them away is much harder, so I think most schools take most girls and work with them. Not true for seminaries, but I think for just one year, parents and girls should “chill” and not think it’s life and CV the other if the girl doesn’t get into Chitrick (talk about elitist………………….)
  As for money, there’s not enough in the schools and not enough in the families. Why should my community be expected to support the out-of-town students? Let their communities raise the money for them. It is their responsibility. At the same time, parents want top educators, lots of goshmius, etc, but how can a school provide that if there isn’t enought income coming in……………

• INSTEAD OF POINTING ON EVERYONE ELSE....

  FOLLOW THE REBBE’S PREVENTION PLAN:

  “THE REBBEH URGED, THAT A PARENT DEDICATE, AT LEAST 30 MIN. EACH DAY ON THINKING, ANALYZING THE CHINUCH OF THE CHILDREN”

  (THIS EXERCISE CERTAINLY GOES A LONG WAY TO NIPPING IN THE BUD ANY PROBLEM, ACADEMIC, EMOTIONAL, SOCIAL ETC THAT IF LEFT UNTREATED CAN CHV SNOW-BALL INTO AN OVERALL RESENTMENT AT YIDISHKEIT ETC)

• to BCH: monsey

  BCH listed a whole bunch of yshivos, you missed quite a few. One very big one you missed was ********. i am going to tell you two stories with monsey.

  Story 1.
  A bochur from overseas was learning in monsey for the year, everything was going well. the bochur left home for pesach, and after pesach returned for yeshiva. it cost about 1000$ to get back to yeshiva. He walked in to yeshiva the rosh yeshiva greeted him with a “warm” greeting. after two minutes of welcoming him, he asked him for 5000$ cash which this bochurs mother said that she’ll get to him. the bochur replied that the shliach didn’t feel it was safe to carry such a large sum of money through three borders. the rosh yeshiva replied “you’re to cool for this yeshiva dont come back here”. now this bochur is on the streets and has nowhere to go.

  Story 2.
  A bochur that was learning in monsey, was having a great year. pesach break came along and the bochur went home. the bochur’s parents paid the tuitiont until pesach +. meanwhile the rosh yeshiva was taking money from a SHLIACH that lived in the same city as the bochur. during pesach the rosh yeshiva called the shliach for more money, but the shliach gave a few grand already and didnt really have much more so he wasnt able to give anymore. Then the rosh yeshiva called the bochurs prents to tell them that he is not reaccepted and gave a reason. the bochur called the class mashpia to find out what’s happening, because the rosh yeshiva had told both the bochur and the mashpia that hes looking forward to seeing the bochur back after pesach. the mashpia asked the rosh yeshiva and the rosh yeshiva gave the mashpia a DIFFERENT reason then he gave the father, as to why the bochur want accepted. that day the shliach got a text from the rosh yeshiva that if he gives more money he’ll reaccept the bochur. now the bochur is also on the streets.
  SO EVEN WITH TUITION THE YESHIVA HAS PROBLEMS. SO ALL OF YOU WHO MAKE THE YESHIVA SOUND INNOCENT, THEY ARE NOT!!!!!!!

• You want the truth ? U can-t handle it!

  Destroyer responds:

  I tell every parent the truth, but I say it in a way that the parent can hear whatever s/he wants to hear.

  When you ask me how your son is doing and I tell a parent that their son is getting along with other talmidim – don’t you wonder why I’m not talking about his learning and spiritual growth?!

  When I tell you that most days your son comes on time to seder, don’t you understand that there are many days that he doesn’t come on time?!

  You hear what you want to hear!

  When his future yeshiva asks me how your son is doing – I tell them the same thing, and they hear what they should be hearing!

  Maybe you expect me to be brutally straightforward when I answer your question – maybe you want the “truth”, but trust me, you can’t handle the truth!

  I sugar coat the bitter medicine, while you blissfully believe that you are getting candy and gobble it up.

  I don’t mislead you by telling you things like your son never talks during davenning (because he is always asleep). Or that your son learned 5 perokim of tanya baal peh (as a knas) etc. But, I do tell you how things are – by commission or omission (by what is in my answer and what ISN’T in my answer).

• please

  dear yeshiva menahel

  please cut the crap this article did not seem to be talking about such boys

  you pick one example and paint all the kids that have problems with one stroke.

  should i start nameing names here of what yeshiva did what to whom, and you can see what is going on with the bochurim that are not dressed in the manner you say that are do not speak in the manner you speak but learn and go to mikvah and do not pull their beards etc etc

  what about the system that decides we educated you for 10 years but now we dont want you in our mesiftah. or the one that learnt in your mesivftah for a year or 2 and then you decide we dont want you anymore, and where you go is your buisness,

  and ask the people who try to get into the “semicha factory” what they do to the bochurim there.

  and ask the mashgiach that told the head councelor “ why are you taking so and to camp there are better boys” and the head councelors says didnt you get into an argument with that boy …

  and ask the parent cried all night when they tod her we have no room but next week accepted other boys worse then her son that applied later

  and i can name the names so please menahel answer me this one question

  if a bochur learnt in your yeshivah do you feel any responsiblity for his education. that at the end of the zman either because you do not want him back or because he doesnt want to come back

  do you feel any resposibilty to make sure he gets into another yeshiva?

  and if not why

• THANK YOU YESHIVAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  How can I “destroy” that which is already “destroyed”?
  GREAT LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  TO ALL YOU PARENTS WHO WANT TO CAST THE BLAME OFF YOURSELVES AFTER FEEDING YOUR KIDS (WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD)
  POISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  THANK YOU TO ALL THE ROSHEI YESHIVA WHO DONT ALLOW CHILDREN WHO WERE POISONED BY THEIR PARENTS- POISON MY SON. i WORK HARD TO RAISE HIM WITH THE REBBE’S DIRECTIVES AND i DONT WANT MY SON INFLUENCED BY YOURS -YOU NEGLECTED THE RULES- WE CANT CATER TO THE PRODUCT.

  I HOPE ALL ROSHEI YESHIVA HAVE THE COURAGE TO TURN AWAY STUDENTS WHO WILL BRING DOWN THE REST. I SHOULDNT HAVE TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT MY SONS FRIENDS IN A LUBAVITCH YESHIVA.

• lost parents, and misguided hanhollah.

  There’s 2 oposite but true things going on here. There are the parents who don’t understand that the influences of the outside world are dangerous. there’s also the idea that yeshivos have lost theire way, and forgot that no matter what, every jewish soul is as important as another.
  Here’s my answer. The parents need to be educated on the dangers of bringing “neuteral” things into the house. I’m a product of these neuteral influences, and sad to say, am struggeling with porn addiction, and the compulsions to atch every new movie coming out.

  ALSO! The educators need theire priorities realigned. Think about g-d a little, and maybe you’ll see what I’m saying. No matter who, what, or why, the Rebbe said u MUST work with the kid. No matter where he’s from, or what he does, its your responsobility to G-D, the Rebbe, and the community that cared about you, to help guide the kid in whatever path he’s in. Stop blaming the kids, theire parents, and the poisens of the outside world.

  Please! Listn to the cries of anguished parents, and lost kids. Please! Parents, teachers and hanhollah. Think about g-d for a second, and please understand…
  Were in this together. We need to TOGETHER, give a damn about each other! C’mon people, wakeup, and realize theire kids are our kids, thire problems are our problems. Or one day the pain will find u.

• Good riddance

  I gave up a while ago and I decided that many non-lubavitch Yeshivas are SUPERIOR to the ones my children were warring to get into.

  I therfore say to all the so called mechanchim “Thanks for nothing. my kids are doing much better now that you are out of the picture”.

  Eventually nepotism will catch up with these phonies and frauds and my family will enjoy watching.

• Really concerned

  If it is true, as the Rosh seems to be saying that the boys who are not being accepted are “modern”, then I’m optomistic. It means that all those boys who are out “on the street” (like Yossi), DO really want to learn and all we need to do is reach out to them and start creating more schools and Yeshivos that will suit them! I know that there are some out there but maybe not enough. What really concerns me is this blame game that seems to be going on.
  Everyone, yes everyone must take responsibility! For some parents – who obviously can’t open their own school, (as some wiseguy advised, by voicing thier distress in public and making people realise they are not alone, that is the best responsibility they can take!
  Having said that, I have a question for the person who said that there is no community school in C.H. I thought that the fact that we are a community means that the school is NOT a private moisad by definition, and doesnt the Shulchos Aruch say that there is a communal responsibilty to educate every child in its community? Where, indeed, are the Rabbanim to ensure that there is a school for everyone?

• Another destroyer responds

  Dear Parents,

  If your son grew up in a household in which:

  * You have TV / Movies (even disney/barney) / Unrestricted Internet
  * Boys and girls mingling.
  * You go to sport games / movies / amusement parks during the summer (when Pritzus rages wildly).
  * You go to a bungalow colony where the two sides of the Mechitza are muxed.
  * Any kosher product enters your house without any standards.
  * Newspapers / Magazines / Novels. Even “Jewish” Magazines (Mishpacha), newspapers (Jewish press) and novels are in this category.
  * No parental guidance whatsoever (bring any friend you wish).
  * The parents discuss the latest politics and trash the Rabbonim or Shluchim.
  * Secular / College Education is considered as an option.
  * The mother dresses like a typical CH Prutza (according to the latest Goyishe style).
  * You listen in the house to any music with jewish words, regardless if it was copied from the Goyim or “inspired” by Goyim.
  * Watching “jewish” movies which are just goyishe themes with jewish actors (groways/agent emes comes to mind).
  * The father hasn’t been to Minyan / Farbrengen / Shiur lately.
  * The father doesn’t sit and learn.
  * There is a child in the house who goes to college / works as a Bochur / isn’t exactly up to par with the stringent standards of Judaism.

  Then your child has already been poisoned from birth, and he is prone to corrupting others. As such, the Hanhala has a responsibility to the other parents who dedicated their time to actually “educate” their children and aren’t interested in having such a child influencing their children, so he won’t be accepted into a Yeshiva.

  If your child comes to a Yeshiva and:
  * He doesn’t prepare Neggel Vasser by his bed (because in his home it wasn’t a focus).
  * Wears a Yarmulke which is a bit too small or off-colored.
  * Has enough hair on his head to make a “chup”.
  * Touches his beard.
  * Wears light colored or “modernized” clothing.
  * Has shoes which are good for killing cockroaches in a corner…
  * Has a cellphone / mp3 player with “Jewish” reggae-jazz-rock music / iPod with “Kosher” movies.
  * Has a vast knowledge of Olam Haze / Sports, and the main thing for him to know is who won the SuperBowl/WorldCup or what’s the latest crime in NY state.
  * Doesn’t learn Chitas / Rambam at least twice a week.
  * Spends his nights talking on the phone / reading shtusim.
  * Comes to farbrengens for the drinking.
  * Speaks in a “modern” vocabulary (I am not talking about vulgar words but even just “slang” like cool, dude, etc.)
  * Wears a Cotton Tzitzis (even for sleeping).
  * Talks during Kaddish/Chazaras Hashatz (I am not talking about talking between Boruch Sheamar).
  * Thinks that “Sof Zman Kerias Shema” is a optional Minhag for the “snags”.
  * Spends his time roaming around instead of learning.
  Then he won’t be accepted, and if he is – then he wont last too long.

  =======================

  Parents! Wake Up! Straighten yourself out! It can save at least the next generation…

• Another destroyer responds

  Dear Parents,

  If your son grew up in a household in which:

  * You have TV / Movies (even disney/barney) / Unrestricted Internet
  * Boys and girls mingling.
  * You go to sport games / movies / amusement parks during the summer (when Pritzus rages wildly).
  * You go to a bungalow colony where the two sides of the Mechitza are muxed.
  * Any kosher product enters your house without any standards.
  * Newspapers / Magazines / Novels. Even “Jewish” Magazines (Mishpacha), newspapers (Jewish press) and novels are in this category.
  * No parental guidance whatsoever (bring any friend you wish).
  * The parents discuss the latest politics and trash the Rabbonim or Shluchim.
  * Secular / College Education is considered as an option.
  * The mother dresses like a typical CH Prutza (according to the latest Goyishe style).
  * You listen in the house to any music with jewish words, regardless if it was copied from the Goyim or “inspired” by Goyim.
  * Watching “jewish” movies which are just goyishe themes with jewish actors (groways/agent emes comes to mind).
  * The father hasn’t been to Minyan / Farbrengen / Shiur lately.
  * The father doesn’t sit and learn.
  * There is a child in the house who goes to college / works as a Bochur / isn’t exactly up to par with the stringent standards of Judaism.

  Then your child has already been poisoned from birth, and he is prone to corrupting others. As such, the Hanhala has a responsibility to the other parents who dedicated their time to actually “educate” their children and aren’t interested in having such a child influencing their children, so he won’t be accepted into a Yeshiva.

  If your child comes to a Yeshiva and:
  * He doesn’t prepare Neggel Vasser by his bed (because in his home it wasn’t a focus).
  * Wears a Yarmulke which is a bit too small or off-colored.
  * Has enough hair on his head to make a “chup”.
  * Touches his beard.
  * Wears light colored or “modernized” clothing.
  * Has shoes which are good for killing cockroaches in a corner…
  * Has a cellphone / mp3 player with “Jewish” reggae-jazz-rock music / iPod with “Kosher” movies.
  * Has a vast knowledge of Olam Haze / Sports, and the main thing for him to know is who won the SuperBowl/WorldCup or what’s the latest crime in NY state.
  * Doesn’t learn Chitas / Rambam at least twice a week.
  * Spends his nights talking on the phone / reading shtusim.
  * Comes to farbrengens for the drinking.
  * Speaks in a “modern” vocabulary (I am not talking about vulgar words but even just “slang” like cool, dude, etc.)
  * Wears a Cotton Tzitzis (even for sleeping).
  * Talks during Kaddish/Chazaras Hashatz (I am not talking about talking between Boruch Sheamar).
  * Thinks that “Sof Zman Kerias Shema” is a optional Minhag for the “snags”.
  * Spends his time roaming around instead of learning.
  Then he won’t be accepted, and if he is – then he wont last too long.

  =======================

  Parents! Wake Up! Straighten yourself out! It can save at least the next generation…

• Another destroyer responds (2nd part)

  My father is a Shliach on a salary. I have never heard him complaining about tuition. He doesn’t own a home or a car, Hasn’t gone on vacation in ages, doesn’t own a cellphone, doesn’t own a computer or have an email address. BUT he pays his tuition on time. We have never had a problem…

  BUT, the parents who:
  * Pay their monthly mortgage payments on time for their Million-Dollar CH Home.
  * Pay their electric/gas bills on time.
  * Have a unlimited cellphone plan, so every child from the age of 3 has what to play with during class… And he pays it on time.
  * Pay their monthly payments on their two luxury cars.
  * Go on vacation every year.
  * Spend Pesach and every other Holiday in a luxury hotel.
  * Have a $800 dollar stroller and a four $3000 shaitels.

  BUT, when it comes to tuition, they Kvetch and bounce checks. Don’t be surprised that your child is rejected. No Hanhala wants to deal with a spoiled brat who’s parents haven’t educated him, and expect the Yeshiva to educate him FOR FREE!

• Thoughtsfrom a parent and teacher

  Look, everyone here seems to be talking at cross purposes. Many of the “destroyers” that the parents are attacking are not the educators that the hanhalah are defending, and visa versa.

  Unfortunately, there are teachers employed by yeshivos (and rosh yeshivos too) who behave very poorly towards students and their families, and through incompetence, laziness or negligence can have a very negative effect. Equally unfortunately, there are parents who fail to raise their kids properly, and through negligence, laziness or ignorance, influence their children away from chassidishe standards and values.

  The fact is, nobody can achieve anything solely by blaming someone else. Parents, do the best you can with your children, know where they are holding, who their friends are and what they are doing, and definitely give a LOT of thought to choosing a yeshivah that is realistically suited to fostering your son’s optimal growth. Not every boy can or should go to a particular yeshivah just because it has a “top” reputation. And sometimes the best thing for your son is to change yeshivas at a certain point in his development, even if it means leaving a place he has been at for 5 or 10 years. Be flexible, know your son and his needs, and be prepared to explore all options and work with him. If a particular teacher can’t meet his needs, be aware of it and take measures to deal with it.

  Parents, you say that teachers and rosh yeshivos don’t tell you what’s going on with your kid until it’s too late. That’s wrong, and they should be doing a better job of communicating with you. But it’s also wrong of you not to know your kid well enough yourself to know where he’s holding and what he’s doing. There’s no excuse. Talk to him. Talk to his friends. It’s important and it’s your child, so don’t just rely on the powers that be at the yeshiva.

  When it comes to chinuch of your child, it’s not realistic to think that ideas such as “community” and “rabbanim” can be relied upon to straighten anything out. Your children’s chinuch is YOUR job, and the job of those educators whom you employ to do your work for you. Make sure your workers do their jobs to your satisfaction, or else help them do so or find new workers (schools) in town or out of town who can do the job.

  Wishing everyone much hatzlacha in chinuch and chassidishe nachas from their precious neshomelach.

• Yitzchok

  I have two sons. At bar mitzva, my son Yankel was accepted without problem to the finest yeshiva in the area. But my other son was rejected! The roshei yeshiva didn’t like that he wasn’t as studious as yankel – no zitz fleish. He was more of an out-door person, free spirited, and hunting for adventure. These roshei yeshiva didn’t realize that this son has a higher neshoma than Yankel. I wish you print the names of these senior roshei yeshiva: Shem and Ever. They destroyed my dear son Esav!! I am upset, Yitchok ben Avraham

• chossid

  everybody has a story.There has to be a vaad,to help people out in the education of their children,whatever the situation is.
  meaning sometimes the school do abuse children,they are not suitable to be in their position,at all.
  sometimes parents dont do the right thing.
  The main thing,is that ,people in whichever position they are,need a strong leadership to turn to.
  1)schools who are wrong shouldnt get away with it.
  2)parents who are wrong shouldnt get away with it either.
  Lubavitch should have a strong vaad of maybe three Rabbonim,for worldwide use,who are suitable for their position,who everyone know if they turn to them ,the poison will not take effect.
  But if people feel that the strongest is going to win.
  Let din,velet dayan.
  The word of HASHEM has to be law.
  EVERY child is a DIAMOND no matter what the problem is.That has to be clear.The minute we make a cheshbon of who is to be saved and who is not ,you have created a situation of unsecurity ,which doesnt only affect ,the rejected child ,but the accepted child as well,by thinking his allowance to be in this moissad is conditional,on whichever level.And not depending on the Torah and CHassidus value,because the institutions take to heart sincerely,Torah and Chassidus.
  This is the base ,for every institution.
  Before a decision is reached,it should be thoroughly thought over IS IT AL PI DIN ?
  IS IT AL PI WHAT THE REBBE WOULD HAVE WANTED ?
  IS IT AL PI MENTCHLECHKEIT ?
  ARE YOU GOING TO LOOSE THAT CHILD TO YIDDISHKEIT?
  DO YOU LOVE THAT CHILD ?
  DO YOU DO IT OUT OF LOVE ?LIKE A MOTHER WHO ADORES HER CHILD,AND WILL DO ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FOR THE BETTER OF THE CHILD.
  Once our educators and leaders will adopt the right attitude,than MAYBE DEVORIM SHEYOTZIM MIN HALEV NICHNOSSIM LALEV.
  I am sure that parents do ,do wrong things,than maybe each school should have somebody professional to handle the parents,with love and respect.
  Not every good teacher knows how to handle parents.
  I am a teacher ,when i started to teach,the parents started to phone me at home saying :“they feel that i really care,and they dont want to speak to the head,only to me”
  I started to worry about all their problems and couldnt concentrate teaching.
  Shows you:“somebody good has to be there for the purpose only to handle the parents”.
  All those parents who have their children in the street,if it was me i would put them in a non lubavitche moissad,and concentrate very hard at home to do what the Rebbe wants.
  The rejection is very painful,especially if your child doesnt have a good head,or any other problems.Send your child where he is going to be loved,attended to his need.And if your child is a very good child,and like a woman wrote :“she was told,there is no room ,and the next thing other children where accepted.”
  It happens to the best of us.There has to be a support system for us ,where people can turn to,and the institutions will have to think twice before they act according to who knows what reason.
  PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW,THEY WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH CORRUPTION ON ALL SIDES.So its not a jungle anymore.
  This is my humble opinion,hopes IT IS what the Rebbe wants.
  I do spend for sure a half an hour a day about my childrens education,maybe too much,I think about it every waking hour of my day.Am I doing the right thing?
  am i reaching the best?
  Yep ,our children are our investement ,and they are worth it.

• BAS MELECH

  Evey child is a CHELEK ELOKA MIMAAL MAMASH.
  I heard a story ,when a meshulach comes at your door,
  not one hand is outstretched to ask for a donation,but two.
  The right hand is HASHEM HIMSELF and the secong is the poor man.
  By refusing to give Tzedoko ,you are refusing HASHEM TOO.
  By refusing a jewish child,you are refusing CHALEK ELOKA MIMAAL MAMASH.Since this child was given by HASHEM HIMSELF a part of HASHEM.
  IS IT ALLOWED?
  LOVE EVERY JEW EVEN LUBAVITCHERS.STRIVE TO DO A GOOD JOB.

• Destroyd

  Destroyer,

  You seem to be very concerned with all aspects of a boys enviroment but not much the boy himself. I know many perfect bochrim who come from all sorts of backrounds you wouldnt be able to picture in your mind because of your own backround. Mixed elementery, non frum parents, siblings who dont appear Jewish and still even amoungst such families it is very commonn to see a child who grows up to be great bochrim of the highest standards.

  I beleive your bulleted list of behaviour protocols were compiled from years of explaining parents why thier child just wont do well under your program. I wonder if you also require a written signature from your Talmidim as a condition of acceptance. But you probably make a living off of what you do, and your supervising “Moisad” couln’t care less, so enjoy the money while your at it.

• another mother of a boy

  I have a son who is finishing shiur daled zal. He is one of those Rebbe miracle stories: a baby whose survival the doctors were pessimistic about, but the Rebbe said would survive. His early years were spent in and out of the hospital and he missed lots of cheder. Our response to his rebbeim in those days when they told us that he was not keeping up was that at least he was breathing on his own! At age 13, a miracle did occur. He BH outgrew his health problems and his learning really started to soar and he pressed ahead to show us what he could truly accomplish. BH, everyone saw that he had the will to succeed. We also paid full tuition.
  Now I see numerous boys who sit home and do not attend yeshiva. There seems to be two factors here. The boys have minimal interest and the parents are struggling to pay. Let’s not blame yeshivas for failure when boys, who are not really interested in learning, attend yeshiva because their parents force them to. Let’s also reckon with the reality that yeshivas have trouble fund raising and sometimes have no choice but to favor those boys whose parents pay. Obviously we need to find solutions as a community for boys who are not really interested in learning full time in mainstream yeshivas as well as to how to handle the costs when probably the majority cannot afford to pay.
  I also think that internet addiction has played a role in the lack of interest in some boys.

• ITS TEMPTING TO POINT FINGERS

  INSTEAD OF POINTING ON EVERYONE ELSE…. wrote:
  FOLLOW THE REBBE’S PREVENTION PLAN:

  “THE REBBEH URGED, THAT A PARENT DEDICATE, AT LEAST 30 MIN. EACH DAY ON THINKING, ANALYZING THE CHINUCH OF THE CHILDREN”

  (THIS EXERCISE CERTAINLY GOES A LONG WAY TO NIPPING IN THE BUD ANY PROBLEM, ACADEMIC, EMOTIONAL, SOCIAL ETC THAT IF LEFT UNTREATED CAN CHV SNOW-BALL INTO AN OVERALL RESENTMENT AT YIDISHKEIT ETC)

• Oh dear

  Isn’t it interesting that we worry about the chassidishe standards of our own students- we don’t have that same “acceptance” and love for all of our Chabad House mekorevim. Just imagine if the Rosh Yeshiva who ranted about all of the poisons the bochurim might be exposed to if “our” children would to attend his school, ranted about all of the college students who came to his son’s Chabad House, or his former students’ Shabbos table at his Chabad House……When they’re in your school, they are dregs, when they are in a Chabad House, they are precious diamonds. HHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMM.

• a yid

  to all those destroyers:
  I don’t get it?? Why are you Chabads?
  You sound like a bunch of misnagdim!
  What are you waiting for? For these kids to Frie out, go to college , become big business men or women and then you’ll Mekariv them and butter them up so you can get donations from them?
  Their are good teachers alot of them have been turned off or overwhelmed or quieted down.
  BH’ there are some real Chassidim left that follow so strictly what the Rebbe said and it is true that any sort of outside media etc, and not enough learning does effect our families, but you can’t just kull out those that are following strictly- it sounds like the Misnagdim who before the time of the BalShemotv would sneer at anyone who didn’t follow the way they did or learn as they did and they held themselves better than the simple man the worked hard to survive. There has to be an answer.
  You can’t just blame the parents and the teachers we all have to care and work together.
  And admit it is Our problem, one that we all share. as we are all responsible for the outcome.
  Think about the overdosing problem and if we could affect a change in one person – we might save a life,
  People stop being so singleminded and get together.
  Stop thinking and saying its not my business – it is.
  If you know of a child that is from a divorced family and your child or your family can mentor them -please try. You have know idea what a ear and time and care might make it one person life and in the life of an already confused human being, preventing them from possibly getting involved in the wrong things.
  The community has to – it must recognize the plight of the kids that are hanging around or in trouble.
  We need in house chabad people – shluchim to work with them.
  If a donator realized that we are honest and that we need the funds for preventive measures I’m sure we would get them.
  They see whats going on too.
  They should know respect our work and efforts to help those closest to us- Our own children of our communities.
  I used to look at kids and say this one is wild – not someone I want my kid around incase it rubs off – its natural.
  But, now I cry inside and outside when I have to see yiddishe neshamos where they shouldn’t be and no one taking it seriously, whem I remember these same little boys or girls as preschool children lisping their aleph bais , their eyes bright and shiny singing shabbos songs….
  Yes, we have let the world into our lives and run it in ways that it shouldn’t both for ourselves and for our families our slackness is taking an effect on the children , our communities and our marriages.
  Can we turn these kids away, can we seperate ourselves from their plights ? Are we creating serious situations at home that need to be looked at more closely? Are certain circles closed and the rest left to fend for themselves?
  Can you really say that Lubavitch is addressing this problem and many others in a responsible way?
  Teachers , educators pointing out that its the parents fault, parents pointing at the anhala, community leaders are they looking at the communities real serious needs?
  We have people , real people that can affect a change and make a difference, it takes motivation and something most of us aren’t willing to give- OUR TIME AND GUMPTION .
  We need to organize ourselves – we need a chinuch group to be responsible for seeing to the placement of children in the correct yeshivas. Not according to some misguided group system or gesher or money system. If a parent needs a place to send their child they should have to be left with no options.
  Please get together, please if we need to open a chabad house in crownheights for our own lost ones – and other places
  DO IT- DO IT NOW!
  save a Jewish neshama now,
  please

• Shabbat Shalom

  To a yid, 06/12/09-06:50, there are already numerous programs in place for non-mainstream boys such as YAM, Hanoach Lenaar, Tifferes in Morristown, Wilkes Berre, PA, K’far Chabad, Beitar Ilit, etc to name a few options. I know of plenty of parents, including some who are gesha, who have sent to alternative programs.
  I was also told that there is a chinuch placement office in one of the CH offices that can give parents advice about which type of chinuch to pursue. Obviously the best people to form an organization are people like you, yid, who has an understanding of the issue. Call friends to a parlor meeting and discuss options. Don’t wait around for someone else to do it because those who don’t have the situation sitting in their living rooms are not as likely to initiate it. It doesn’t matter that they “should”; they won’t think about it.
  I also think that this is an area where the BT movement failed. Children of BTs would have been better served in schools geared to BT families rather than forcing them to conform to a system that they could never really conform to. Some children of BTs did succeed but a large percentage did not. It was a generation that could not be adequately served in mainstream yeshivas.

• Me

  Ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!

• me

  loosers! college is the way to go – stop wasting time and money on a “Yeshivah”

• shocked

  To “Me”

  quote

  “loosers! college is the way to go – stop wasting time and money on a “Yeshivah””

  From your comment it can be deducted that you aren’t in the ‘pale’ of yiddishkeit for shunning the Mitzvah of learning Torah
  in such a brazen way. Shame on you!!