Op-Ed: Celebrating Purim

Hashem put us humans into this world. A world with its never-ending ups and downs, both physically and spiritually.

How lucky we are, us Yidden:
We received the Torah as a gift.
It is a gift from Hashem.

Hashem knows what is best for us and there IS NO OTHER TRUTH besides the Torah.
When we follow the Torah guidelines, we are assured by Hashem that we are living our lives in the best possible way, and in the derech that Hashem wanted us to live.

To help us live by the Torah’s ways, Hashem gives us leaders to help guide us and remind us of the correct way of life for a Yid.

On Purim, the Yidden were saved from Haman’s terrible decrees, decrees that were brought about by Yidden straying from the Torah way of life, in a very public fashion too. Hashem saved the Yidden in the zechus of their affirmation that it was to Hashem and His ways they they cling, and in the zechus of their achdus.

We celebrate this miraculous day of Purim with (amongst other things) dressing up, eating, drinking, singing, dancing, and parties. As with all aspects of our lives, when a Yid celebrates, it is crucial that he or she celebrate in a Torah way. If not, it defeats the whole purpose of the celebration.

How does a Yid celebrate?

A Yid celebrates in a healthy way, in a tznius way, in a way that will bring achdus and not machlokes, in a way that will bring him or her closer to the Torah and its ways, and not chas ve’sholom the opposite.

Yes, it is true that we need to drink “ad d’lo yoda”, but we also need to keep in mind the mitzvah of “venishmartem al nafshoiseichem”. (If you do get tipsy on Purim, PLEASE do not drive.)

Yes, it is true that we need to be extremely happy and jolly, but we need to do this a tznius and appropriate fashion.

There are many parties and events that take place on Purim. Before you choose to attend an event ask yourself if the activities that will take place at the party are in-sync with halacha.

• Will there be too much to drink? (We’re not talking orange juice here)
• Will the level of tznius (costumes and all) be something you and Hashem would be proud of?
• Will there be a kosher mechitza-during the entire duration of the party?
• Will the music be conducive to someone trying to celebrate in a Torah way?
• Will there be mixed dancing?
• Will the entertainment be appropriate?
• Who is the party catered to?

If you go to a party this Purim, ask yourself if it is within Torah guidelines.

If your child OR spouse is going out to an event without you, make sure that you know the answers to the questions listed above so that you can decide (together, hopefully) if the event is appropriate. You have every right to know the answers to these questions. You can ask for names of people that your child or spouse will be going with and for the exact venue location and program. You may also want to inquire further about the event by yourself to ensure that the information that was given to you is accurate. It is not enough for YOU to feel comfortable with the event; you must make sure that the event will take place in full accordance with Torah and halacha.

If you are an organizer of a Purim party consider this:

While it is true that each person is responsible for their own actions, the organizers have an achrayois not to set up the party in a way that encourages behavior that is contrary to the Torah way of life.

If you are a parent, remember that you are a role model for your child and that the best way your child can learn is from a living example. On Purim, (and at all times), act in a way that you would want your child to act. Ask yourself if the event you are attending is an event you would want your child to attend as a teenager.

Most people who act in a way contrary to the Torah don’t set out with the intention of acting in an inappropriate manner but do so once they get carried away a bit, which is why a proper atmosphere and a proper environment is so crucial.

Be it in our own home or at an event,
be it in our costume or in our drink,
be it in our music or in our moves,
be it on Purim or all year through;
let’s celebrate in a way that will make Hashem, the Rebbe, and ourselves proud,
and in this zchus may Hashem send us the ultimate salvation of the Yidden. We want moshiach NOW!

Mixed Dancing

Kiddushin and marriage consists of “ You are consecrated unto me” – that the husband and wife are coupled only to each other. When the assembled express their joy and blessings to the couple, it is to be in a similar manner – at least, not in a conflicting manner.

The theme of mixed dancing is the following:

That someone who is married to one individual dances with another, or an unmarried young man dances with an unmarried young lady – thereby indicating that the institution of marriage is entirely superfluous. And all this is done publicly and with a clamor!!

The “arousal from above” is similar to the “arousal from below” [that precedes it]. When one below indicates that the joy of marriage leads to such behavior of joyous illicit closeness, then, Heaven forfend what can result from such behavior.
(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XIV, p. 305)

A Proper Mechitzah

In relation to the various rumors that have been reaching me – causing me great astonishment – I am writing you the following lines, notwithstanding the fact that I am extremely occupied.

According to my information (which will prove, hopefully, to be inaccurate) your family is in opposition to your daughter’s wedding with … being held in accordance with the demands of Jewish law, i.e., that there be a mechitzah, a partition, between the men and the women.

I, therefore, would like to explain to you the situation from my perspective:

When a wedding is made with a partition, in accordance with the demands of our sacred Torah, then the Torah rules that one is to say [in the introduction to the Grace After the Meal, “Blessed be our G-d] in Whose abode there is joy.” [When men and women are together in one room, however, we do not recite “in Whose abode there is joy,” for “there is no joy when the evil inclination reigns.”[2]]

This is to say, that when mention is made of G-d, we associate it with the aspect of joy – that G-dly joy permeate the world as a whole, but primarily that the joy permeate the chassan and kallah.

I surely need not write to you what has happened during recent years to the world as a whole and to Jews in particular. If during all times it was necessary to entreat G-d that He provide us with blessings and success, and more significantly, that He provide us with healthy and happy lives, how much more so in our present generation. The only entity that can assure the above is that entity Who is Master of the entire world – G-d.

From the time you began inquiring of me about the shidduch for your daughter, it was my obligation and privilege to assure that when your daughter and her chassan, Rabbi … began their lives together, they would do so in a manner where one could hope for and anticipate the greatest degree of Divine blessing possible.

[It was my fondest wish] that they have a happy and healthy home, a home that is in accord with our sacred Torah – a dwelling that is such that one can recite at the time of the wedding, “in Whose abode there is joy.”

When Torah rules in a certain way, it is impossible for anyone to change this ruling. I was therefore astonished by the fact that parents – who do everything they possibly can for their children to have fortunate and advantageous lives (provided it is in their hands to do so) – should expend effort in preventing their daughter’s wedding from being suffused with joy. Moreover, this leads – G-d forbid – that to a certain degree, joy may be lacking in their future lives, Heaven forfend.

Marriage exists for the purpose of building an abode for many decades. In this instance, [the] parents are ready to endanger that which will endure for decades so as to curry favor – for the several hours of the wedding celebration – in the eyes of those who don’t know the laws of the Shulchan Aruch or who don’t care about these laws.

I am thoroughly perplexed: Who is so thoroughly broad-shouldered that they can take upon themselves risking their children’s happiness for decades to come, all for a fleeting, imaginary pleasure.

It is not my function to force others to follow my wishes; it is not my function to force my opinion on others; and it is not my nature to speak harsh words. I therefore wish to conclude my letter with the positive and good:

When I gave my consent to the shidduch, I was absolutely positive that on their part, the parents would do all they could to assure a happy and joyous future for their children.

It is self-understood that it should be wholly immaterial whether the girlfriends of the mother or the kallah would or would not be satisfied [with a partition] – as long as the holy Torah is satisfied with the conduct of the wedding.

As I stated above: If you truly desire the fulfillment of the Torah ruling, that at this wedding one may recite “in Whose abode there is joy” and thereby assure that joy will reign throughout the entire lives of chassan and kallah, then one must follow the dictates of the Shulchan Aruch[3] – [that] the wedding must be celebrated with a partition.

P.S. I am aware that many weddings, including weddings of religious people, are celebrated – to our distress – without partitions. However, I am also aware of the travails that come later on. May G-d bless you that you be able to relate only glad tidings, both materially and spiritually.