126 Comments

• Sara

  It’s not just in Crown Heights, it’s all over the world. There will never be one of anything, one leader, one shul etc because all the ‘leaders’ want to be in control and want to be in power. I have no respect left for Lubavitch in my town because if the heads of the community can’t get along and each are knocking the other one down, what kind of unity or love is that showing? Who cares who the shliach is? The Rebbe didn’t appoint people to argue, and at th end of the day, it’s all poilitics and power.

• depressed

  Nicely said, but as an eternal optimist I guarantee it will not work. The reason? EGO. We have Rabbonim who are always fighting…if one says it’s sunny outside, the other grabs an umbrella. Add to that there is a Seruv against a Rav of the Bais Din who refused to follow the directive of another Bais Din…what message is that to Mr. & Mrs. Average? Don’t do as I do, do as I say.

  So we go down the food chain. The Vaad HaKahal/CHJCC is, at best, inefficient, insular, narrow-minded, & self serving. Need I go on?

  The Yeshivas. There is nothing to say except kick out every Hanhala & start again.

  Poverty. Some of you have NO IDEA of the depth of poverty here. Speaking from my own experience, it is impossible to pay a mortgage, gas bill, tuition, & still eat. We have to decide if we can afford “better” food for Yom Tov. And NOBODY KNOWS.

  The bottom line is the “not my job” mentality coupled with fear. You mustn’t criticize anyone, because he (or she!) will destroy you one way or another.

  Rabbi Chazan is right, but so am I, my neighbors, friends, everyone. We all talk, talk, talk, but the truth is there is an infrastructure here…a corrupt one where as he says the rich can do everything.

  IF this post is put up I guarantee it will be changed in some way because I mentioned things that shouldn’t be mentioned & are not for discussion, even though every word is true & we all know it. The tragedy is, no one is brave or competent enough to deal with it. Too much divisiveness & even Erev Rosh Hashana there’s too much hate.

• NoKehilla

  BS“D

  Sadly, what would happen in a general kehilla set up this late in the game is that the people with the most money and the lowest standards would set the tone and others would feel out of place.

  And a kehilla that does not include those with lower standards would be seen as elitist by some and ”loserish” by others.

• crownheights resident

  Well who ever wrote the letter it is rediclious .
  I work with thease satma belz and i am telling you that they all have there own problem big time. You are just looking at them from the outside and not from the inside you don’t know what gose on in there comunity. big problems.

  Yes you are frastrated about the tznis yes it is a big problem i do agree but we do thing from the bottem of our harts and we mean things in a good way.
  All they care is money and how there house has to look like and they are scard that there children won’t get married. everything is hush hush.
  Don’t judge on what gose on in other comunity you are wrong to judge a person and by the way the reason why the tzinis is the way it is we let it happen and it is unfortanly excepted in this comunity

• Yiddle

  With all due respect to R’ Michoel – he has it wrong. We do indeed have such an organization. It is called the Vaad Hakohol which does try to deal with many issues. We as a community must support the vaad and cajole it to expand it activities by hiring people to deal with some of the above mentioned problems.
  But nothing good will come unless we unite behind the vaad with chassidishe achdus.

• c.h.-er

  i had tears in my eyes while reading your ed

  thank you so much for words spoken as should be

  may hashem bentch you with all good and happiness

  c.h.’er

• A very upset Zevulun

  You wrote straight to the point.
  But I would like to take issue with one sentence “A Shliach answered, you have to understand, all the talent goes on Shlichus. In other words he was saying, only the losers are left in the community.”
  We learned from Yaakov Avinu that Yessochor and Zevulun ‘work together’. Not everyone learns. Not everyone works. Us LOSERS in Crown Heights are the ones who are supporting these shluchim. Just because we are not living in some remote area of the world, who are you to put us down? We get letters every single day from Shluchim – asking and begging for money. Should we answer “sorry, the losers have no money for you”. The Rebbe knew very well what he was doing when he did not send certain couples out on shlichus. Us Zevulun’s had to stay here, to be able to support the Yissochor’s.
  I am terribly hurt by being called a loser. You owe us an apology!

• not in CH

  beautifully written! Looking forward to seeing some serious changes soon!

• There may be hope

  Great article! Thank you for voicing what so many of us know is true.
  As much as this topic may sound overrated, IT IS NOT, because there has been no solution to this problem as of yet:
  Children in this community grow up with so much confusion. They go to school and get MIXED messages. A kid can go to school one year and hear his teacher say Yechi, and then the next year have a teacher very much opposed to that approach.
  It does NOT work to excuse this with some lame: “Oh well, each to their own, as long as they get along” excuse.
  IT certainly does not work for children. They just don’t buy into that. Anyone who knows the first bit about education knows that worst thing you can expose innocent kids to is a MIXED MESSAGE!
  This mixed message problem does not only exist in the realm of Yechi vs. Not Yechi. It exists in many other areas as well.
  I went through the system myself, and am still struggling with the repercussions of my mixed message education.
  I also know, (now as an adult) that I cannot let this be an excuse whatsoever for anything, but I’m human, and in my mind I still harbor confusions and let’s face it: somewhat of a grudge.
  I think I speak for a large percent of the students- (or at least the ones who have a mind of their own) -who went through our “system” in Crown Heights, both girls and boys alike.
  We are fooling ourselves as a community if we respond to this crisis with false positivity and chirping enthusiasm which I’m sure will come flooding onto this website as a response to this man’s article. I can hear it already: “BUT LOOK AT ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS IN CROWN HEIGHTS”
  True, there are nice things, but please wake up to the reality.
  Crown Heights ANASH, we are facing a crisis within our own precious infrastructure. We don’t even have to start listing schools, kids, tznius and Yechi. It goes way beyond that, just look at the average face of the person walking down Kingston Avenue. They do not look happy- they actually look quite troubled.
  I will certainly be accused of being negative here, and maybe this article is just focusing on the problem.
  So here is a suggestion for a solution.
  And I hope that I”YH when I have kids one day I will be able to get involved as a parent and help out in this effort.
  Schools must decide on strict policy for the various issues which face them as an educational institution. Then they must somehow stick to those policies with ZERO tolerance for any faculty member or student or parent who does not follow through with this policy.
  For example: If a school decides that in order for their educational system to work they are not accepting any kids who have TV’s in their home, then they must stick to this 100%, and not accept any such families into their school- NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY THEY MAY HAVE.
  This approach may be difficult, but keep in mind that it all boils down to education, And making sure that it is consistent. If we do it right then we may just have a future and let’s face it: If we do it wrong, then we may just not.

• kochleffel

  Michoel, you make a lot of sense. It takes more than talk though, someone has to schedule the first meeting. That involves getting a core group of interested people, finding a place for the meeting, advertising, networking, etc. It will not happen by suggesting that someone else do it. I don’t live in Brooklyn but have family members that do. They are not at the point in their lives yet to organize something like that but there are people in your community that if called upon, will get involved. If you get a core group than certain people can reach out to young marrieds, Israelis, store owners, etc.
  Just like any organization that started anywhere, it takes someone to make the first phone call or knock on the first door. Who will be the one to do that?

• happy

  the fact is money is everthing you see it everywere. that shaliach who is saying that crown heighters are loser he himself take money from the losers. the schools have a dress code but if you or you are part of a family who gives money to that school you can come naked.that just the way it is.what are all this op-ed realy doing letters and moro letter.

• Dev

  Sounds like we’re failures. Well, maybe we are. Thanks for pointing it out though.

  Chazan makes some very valid points. If I may add, I think that those dressing promiscuiosly, or lack in their dressing, I think lack in their self esteem too. When your self worth is devaluated, you look for other venues of attention. And yes there’s no doubt that if your hardly dressed, or drop your neck line & recede your hem line, people will look at you and you’ll get plenty of attention.

  So just maybe we cab start by just sharing a hello or good morning with a fellow Crown Heightser and once their self-image is boosted they will see no need to seek that extra attention in unappropiate ways…

  just a thought. you may chose to disagree. this is a democracy.

• Respect

  I have yet to see a response, but my guess is you will see finger pointing at every person imaginable. until people learn to respect others there is nothing to talk about.

• :)

  Very well said.
  Now who will take initiative?

• yossele

  Very well said.

• David

  R’ Michoel

  Great opt-ed. The only thing you forgot to end off with is a way for people to contact you. And of course next-steps! Wonderful writing down what CAN be done done. But Ha’maaser Hu Haikar! Please give us your contact details. Let’s get moving in the right direction.

• amen

  yasher koach!

• modern mother

  i agree with this article and feel the same sense of loss and failure. as a girl who went through the system and did wonderfully and was loved by all, i am modern now. my husband and i did well in school, were liked by teachers and friends and went through all the steps of a chassidush good kid should. but what happens when you are done and ready to marry? the options are nothing since if you are not from yichus, money or family popularity you are NOTHING! nobody wants you no matter how ”good” you were or how good-looking, smart and caring you are. all that matters later on is where you come from in this community and it is unfair. we go and make people frum and then we would never care about their children to be in our families. this is the biggest problem. so yes, boys and girls find each other sometimes and then at the wedding you hear grandparents saying how their dead ”holy” realitvies are turning in their graves cuz their kids married not into the biggest family around. that is why you see kids around coming from school looking all chassidush and good and later on see them into other things. money isnt everything, but if you dont have the family to back you up, its the only thing that gets you honor or anything in this community. the fact is being good is not worth it in the end and kids realize this. i am quite surprised how far gone lots of my freinds have gone and it is sad. i just hope by the time my kids are older the generation have changed and the things that ”mean” something now will not matter and what will matter is what kind of person you are, not where you come from or the status you have. i really hope there can be a kehila we can turn to and a honest leadership we can admire, learn from and look up to.

• A-

  You have a very good point. I have 2 issues with this article.
  Issue #1: You present the problem very well, you do not, however, present any practical solution
  Issue #2: Once again, as many of the articles which find their way onto this website, the grammar is less than processional. The website needs an editor who is a qualified English speaker. It does not give off a very good impression to those visiting the site.

• All the problems in the world solved.

  Maybee he also knows how to solve the problem in Gaza, West Bank and Iran.

• get over it.

  This topic has been brought up quite a bit recently. Your suggestions sound beautiful in theory and you write something that seems to make total sense but let’s take a closer look:

  1- CHer’s have a mindset – they don’t want to appear nerdy by going to some certain function. Whether it be a learning group or a “gril scout” group. The families with children that will go, would find a place to go if a community place were not set up. The others are too concerned about the way others view them.
  2- CHer’s cannot shut their mouths. Everyone knows everything about the other. People do not feel the same “okayness” to call such hotlines within the community. They fear loss of stature. They may have a big name but someone will find out they are not all their name makes them to be.
  3- Not everyone is cut out for mivtzoiyim and shiurim etc. Some people are shy, others don’t learn very well etc. In the (girls) high schools a lot of this is looked down upon in the “in” group. Or people become extremist about it being a must to learn and do mivtoyim and one doesn’t do those things, they are looked down upon as not the best Jew.
  4- There is a concept that we, Chabad, can accept everyone. We are open minded etc. But in truth, even to the outside world we are closed minded. We have everyone in our Chabad Houses aside for those that we can’t stand. Those are the ones we try to get out of the house as fast as possible. Specifically in CH, no one is allowed to be an individual. As soon as you start to do something else – unconventional but still allowed, you are treated differently. People’s outlook toward you changes.
  Getting to the nitty gritty, families from BT homes are not looked at the same as families from Gezhe. In fact, some of the children of BT’s are better, smarter, and more frum/chassidish than those from Gezhe homes.

  We are kidding ourselves with such suggestions. There is no cure-all.
  In addition – they are just suggestions. It is beautiful that you can see there is a problem here. But suggesting will not fix it. If you so much want to do something about it, take initiative and ACT on one of your suggestions. Don’t leave it to the “somebody else”

  Lastly, Say Baruch Hashem that we don’t have the problems Williamsburg has. Yes we have our own but who doesn’t have something wrong with them. Everyone (in this case every community) has issues that must be dealt with but they are specific for them because they cannot deal with others.

  Thank you for your post.

• PLEASE

  One request….. I have a funny feeling that the next fifty comments are going to be pointing fingers at people or organizations…. People: stick to the topic, if you have such a thirst for loshon horo.. .go comment on some other website.

• me myself and i

  yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

  some one said it write on the money…

  and in a way that doesnt sound like hes taking a side.

  enough of the word how about actions

• Chaim

  Excellent articule, well written. I think also a major problem is – and I’m really serious – is the fact that a group of Tzafti bocrim (with a new religon) have taken over our Shul. It leaves a very bad taste for Anash and many Yungeleit would rather not Daven in 770 because of them. Why did it come to this? It is Poshut a Busha!

• kudos

  Excellent points!!! Who’s listioning??

  Out of CH, where can one find the ideal kehilla? Thinking about moving….

• Aaron HaKoton

  Well Said!…but..the whole community has to be m’kabel the concept of a kahal.

• MenachemZ

  Excellent Excellent Article – I would like to add that besides all these trends such as publicly honoring people who are not very yiras shamayim and lack of any standards in tznius, seder, hearing fowl language in CH shules & streets etc.. where anything goes in CH. – This makes Lubavitch look like the biggest Hypocrits!

  Are we not supposed to representing something, NO ?

  CH has turned into a Modern Orthodox community that calls itself Lubavitch. What a farce !! All that is left to being a lubavitcher living in CH is to wewar a Kapota & a Hat on shabbos.

  Who are we fooling ? We only fool ourselves and we further confuse our children.

• Daniel

  What are the two bais dins in Crown Heights?

• parent

  I couldn’t have said it even better!!! what ever happened to accepting your fellow jew for who they are? i grew up in crown heights and i can’t wait to take my family out of this community. you ask why? it’s all about politics here…people who own businesses get free tuition because they have money and get to keep it…if you don’t have money or a “popular last name” you are a nobody. people look down on each other and do nothing but gossip all day and every day..as a community instead of going outside to do mivtzoim start with your neck of the woods!! maybe our children wouldn’t go off “the derech”

• peretz

  nice post. the problem is there is no true leadership.Unfortunately there is so much politics, the youth dont respect the laeaders. in order to succeed we need have leaders that dont get involved with politics,moshiach/yechi politics, all this should be a non issue. then our youth will respect the leaders. wether lay or rabbinic leaders.

  when the entire leadership looks like a circus what do you think anash or the youth think?

  also i would like to point out the kids/youth are generally good they are just lacking a real rav/mashpia/mentor/freind ect.

  lets hope we can leave all the shmutz (yechi politics) behind and move on.

• Tachlis

  Right on.
  I think we all agree, and will continue to agree, and agree some more.
  Who will right now go ahead and do it?
  Who will be “humble” and say it’s not their place?
  Who thinks we’re not talking to them?
  I will personally right now do something as a small step in the right direction.
  If we want to get to the right destination, we must start by taking that step.
  Each and every one must ask, “What can I do right now?”

• hopeless

  Vive L’argent!!Long live the money!!I wish I could be optimistic but truly I can’t see how the situation can improve, There are too many gaps amongst us.Without respect our community is falling apart. And since none of the top people don’t respect each other, what can you expect of the public? Yes the Shluchim have a society of their own and the Rebbe left us here…

• Its like fundraising

  When you start fundraising you think that within two days you are going to find someone “big” to help you
  You wont.
  You start with small givers so that you actualy have someting, and after a long time you might find a big giver
  Same here:
  We all need to do something small – and we all can do something small, eventualy something big will happen

• fed up

  what do you expect to happen when u take th rebbe out if chassidus? if we can ignore what the rebbe said it one farbrengen then why not another? it is no surprise to me that mishichist women dont walk around with miniskirts. etc. we simply need to go back and reexamine our hiskashrus. it is applaing to me that someone can call themselves a lubavitcher and trim his beard own a tv and never open a sefer. rabbi kalmanson gave a good speech on this topic this year i beleve

• Boruch ben Tzvi(A H)HaKoahiine Hoffinger

  B“H
  Very interesting. A number of comments criticized, perhaps correctly, your terminology.
  I personally am a schliach of The Rebbe, MH”M right here in Crown Heights.
  Every day I go out (Often on the phone or email.) and teach The 7 Noahide Laws with MY OWN SYSTEM I DEVISED with the aid of Rabbi Y. Rogalsky who wrote a book on The 7 Noahide Laws: The Righteous Gentile.
  Anyone can do it, it’s very simple and has a POWERFUL effect on those who listen. They’re totally AMAZED! REALLY! IT’S A NOVEL approach!
  I told one schliach in Fla. about my system and he told me to stop: “You have to protect non-Jews. They can’t learn Torah! They might die!”
  He didn’t know what he was talking about (Rabbi Rogalsky agreed).
  If you want to enquire about my system contact me at: bhoffinger@aol.com or essencegraphics2@aol.com – 718-774-9303

• to kudos

  kudos wrote:
  “Out of CH, where can one find the ideal kehilla? Thinking about moving….”

  Monsey! The Lubavitch kehilla there is ballooning. And for good reason. Go there for a Shabbos; see it for yourself.

• emes

  MenachemZ wrote:
  Excellent Excellent Article – I would like to add that besides all these trends such as publicly honoring people who are not very yiras shamayim and lack of any standards in tznius, seder, hearing fowl language in CH shules & streets etc.. where anything goes in CH. – This makes Lubavitch look like the biggest Hypocrits!

  Are we not supposed to representing something, NO ?

  CH has turned into a Modern Orthodox community that calls itself Lubavitch. What a farce !! All that is left to being a lubavitcher living in CH is to wewar a Kapota & a Hat on shabbos.

  Who are we fooling ? We only fool ourselves and we further confuse our children.
  EXCELLENT POST!

• lets all be blunt

  Wow you are one blunt writer!!!
  Words like failures, and losers, describing people? And generalizing?
  Not EVERYONE is like that.There are some great CH’ers and some really great shluchim. But trust me there are plenty of loser shluchim as well.
  I personally know of a city with some.
  Wicked wicked people that moved there 40 years ago, don’t do anything, have no chabad house, nothing to show for their 40 years, and sabotage any lubavitchers that move there. There is a tiny lubavitch community there and these shluchim work tirelessly to destroy their parnassah and ruin their kids shidduchim, while they themselves cash in on all the shluchims discounts and marry off their children to ultra gezhe families. I kid you not. I never would have believed such people could exist until i saw for myself. But thats a side point. I digress.

  The point of this article is nice and all, but like all other articles, essentailly useless if nothing concrete is done about it. And I honestly believe that nothing CAN be done.

  Moshiach should come now!

• ayl

  well said.

  Looks like he is running again.
  and the question is how were things when is was the haed of vaad hakohol?

  as far as i know all his sugestions are already there. they are just inefective.

  I assume it was better when the rebbe was here?

  i say its all in the rabbonims hands. if they are united all the mosdos will work properly.
  But as long as they argue with each other nothing will move forward.
  Sad really.

• The most comments

  If this post doesn’t get the most comments ever we are in trouble!

• what happened to the Rebbes shchuna?

  excellent article!
  years ago it bothered me that there were women that came to shul, and just walked around the street with very obviously fresh makeup on Shabbos morning, and even on a three day yom tov…their makeup looked freshly applied on the third day. Today we see the lack of tznius…and women walking around with their little bandans with their hair all uncovered. I saw an older woman that decided to follow this new fashion trend too. whats next???
  I was saddened/sickened to see this. This woman was one that applied fresh makeup shabbos morning and the third day yom tov as well. so, what are we going to do…have tznius police?Definitely Moshiach Tzeiten.

• ugh

  Perhaps the people that are arranging these events honoring the down and out but wealthy of our community be prohibited of doing this and only recognizing people we can actually respect. Discuss this with Nussen Blumes of oholei torah.
  Perhaps the schools should prohibit attendance if the parents dont keep the standards the Rebbe expected of us.

• Question

  Please answer if you can.
  Aproximatley how many lubavitch families are there in CH?

• ugh

  Perhaps the people that are arranging these events honoring the down and out but wealthy of our community be prohibited of doing this and only recognizing people we can actually respect. Discuss this with Nussen Blumes of oholei torah.
  Perhaps the schools should prohibit attendance if the parents dont keep the standards the Rebbe expected of us.

• Another Sara

  When did it become “cool” to not listen to the Rabbonim? If someone wants a psak, where else did/do they go?

  Where do they end their kids to school/do their shopping/daven, if they don’t want “do what everyone else is doing” ?

• Spelling Bee

  Pleeze yuse spel cheq beefore posteeng yure comint. :)

• btw

  the shliach’s answer lacks validity, because now in ch, there are hundreds of people who want to go on shlichus and can’t finds a place.

• cher

  to “what happened to the Rebbe’s shchuna”

  tznius applies to both men and women so don’t criticize women alone…if she’s putting make-up on shabbos or whatever that’s non of your business!! secondly there are plenty of men in this community who need to get themselves together as well!!! flirting with women and so on ok so let’s talk about that huh?

• Monsey?!

  Monsey is NOT a good choice to move as a Lubavitcher. A large portion of “Anash” there are people who “ran away” from our system. To be diffrent. Perhaps in the future it will grow and also have normal Chssidisha Yingeleit. But meainwhile – it is FAR from it…!

• BTW

  Many years ago, before we had this many problems. There was a lot more peace a lot more harmony, and yes a real community.

  But as nature and luck would have it, a revolution began to kick out the old and bring in the new. As will all other revolutions this failed, for many reasons. The most obvious reason was that the revolution was instigated by a few very wealthy people and a few very pore people who were “suckered” in.

  The revolution removed the then Vadd hakall, and added the new Beis Din.

  It is now 22 years later, and we are left with no Beis Din and no vadd hakall. And a bunch of rich people who got richer.

  The end financhial result was, that the Gurariri family picked up the building on crown and Albany for $100.000, the deitch family picked up 715 Eastern parkway for nothing. Sam malmud and SB drizin picked up 701 Empire for nothing.

  And us the community members who were pulled into this fight with the claim that the community was robbed by the old vadd hakall, were left with zilch.

  My point is…

  That as long as we allow politics to guide us, we will never get out of this mess. You need to understand that the people who do all the undermining of all that is good. Have plenty of money and connections and loose nothing by this destruction. Until down the road, and then it is to late for them.

  All of them/us have problems; they have destroyed what kept the community together. they always fought anyone who disagreed with them, by throwing the mantra of “KOVOD HARABONIM” yet they themselves never practiced it, as we see clearly now the minute ozdoba did something they didn’t agree with, boom he is no good. What happened? All of a sudden he is not the rebbes rov?? Look at rabbi marlow who in the end requested certain things and he was ignored.

  Like the famous line goes…

  When were we better off now or 22 years ago?

• In the hood

  Remember what they were going to do Lipa’s kids if he wouldn’t have listened to the Rabbanim? One policy for all….
  Chaim, very well said…..
  I just know that it’s a nebach on Kahn Tziva cuz everything & anything goes….

• concerned mom

  All you need are a few couragous woman to stand on Kingston and go over to anyone not dressed properly and reprimind them. In a few days either the woman will come dressed properly or avoid kingston so they dont get repriminded some wont care but most wont want the haggle. Someone take the inititive and organize a tznius patrol you will see reults very fast. Just dont do anything illegal just scream or talk

• what happened to the Rebbes shchuna?

  Why don’t you look at your own wife and stop looking at other woman’s makeup.

  Kesiva Vachasima Tova Shono Tova Umesuko.

• dear -Modern-

  dear ‘modern’, and anyone else feeling down now!!
  i really feel for you and i hope my words come across kindly as that is the intention. your blaming [and not doing whats right] is only an excuse. its easy to do what you want without fighting the evil side, called the yetzer hara.
  seeing negative behavior,
  being no-one, hard times with shiduchim, feeling down, etc…are challenges, and challenges will make us stronger unless we fall and sink. hashem put us here in this world for a reason. not doing it is easier than doing it. and how nice to even have what and whom to blame it
  on.
  so to you i say, hashem loves you, the rebbe loves you, for real!! and is waiting for you to put your hand out. get a positive grip on your life this rosh hashana and see that when you tune into the rebbe and his teachings that the rest falls into place even if its tough.
  being truly connected is such a relief.
  it doesnt take the actual hard work away, but it frees you from your worries because someone is always with you at all times. start to learn once a week. [maybe a sicha] itll make the WHOLE difference
  and may we merit to see hisgalus melech hamashiach even before rosh hashana of this year. amen.

• Bochur

  Let’s make another organization! Yay!!! Problems solved!! Good job Mr. Chazzan!

  Hullo?

• Roses

  First, I think many misunderstood Rabbi Chazan’s intent in the phrase,“We are losers.” I read it as an ironic rhetorical question. No, we are not losers! Do we play the game because we’re called the name?
  Secondly, I personally was involved in “trying” to establish a high school for girls who do not meet the scrupulous yardsticks of the high schools in CH. People applied, in droves. Parents did not care if they came from “chashuveh” families. They were desperate to keep their daughters in the system, in a way they could thrive. Unfortunately, it came to naught, because of the above-mentioned obstacles: politics, money, jealousy, ego and lack of unity on the part of different mosdos, schools and social service agencies in the neighborhood. Parents from all over the USA still call me at times, desperate for a school for their daughters. Somehow, somewhere, they found my name associated with such school. Almost all the frum neighborhoods need these types of loving, non-indicting, but disciplined schools, but aren’t we supposed to be forerunners in chinuch? Perhaps that’s the comment regarding shluchim. Many have given up on Crown Heights. They are blocked from improving the system, so they go out-of-town, where they hope to accomplish positive acts of Yiddishkeit. Chaval Al D’Avdin V’ainem mishtakchim, but unfortunately, it seems there is forgetfullness in Lubavitch.

• I think ober ver bin ich

  “If a Martian told me “take me to your leader” I wouldn’t know where to turn” Ochen Vei to you that you dont realize that our leader is the Rebbe, Crown heights is not a community or a kehila and it will never be, not Rabbi Osdoba who learnt in between nigunim at the Rebbe’s fabrengens nor the baal machlokes Rabbi shwei will make Crown Heights a communtiy because wht is crown heights is supposed to be is chassidim not a kehilla there is no membership etc the tznius issue in crown heights is not any vaad hakohls problem nor the school’s the fact that our children do drugs and touch their beards is not the fault of their 4th or 5th grade teacher these obstacle that we are facing are a result of gimmel tammuz what is happening now is what we call Golus plain and simple so stop trying to make excuses and shove blame on an indivdual person/mosad we are in golus and if everyone would stop jumping and shouting that moshiach is here and sit down and think to themselves as to what they should do to bring him then he may very well come like the story goes there was a fabrengen in the home of the famed chossid Reb Hillel Paritcher and they ran out of mashke so Reb hillel sent one of the chassidim to his cellar to get more the chossid went downstairs but it was pitch black and he was unable to see so he called up to Reb Hillel and told him that it was dark and he could not see Reb Hillel called back to him saying stay there for another minute and it will become light, a persons eys’s work in a way that when they become accoustomed to their sourroundings they can begin to see and make out shapes even in the dark and they can even begin to convince themselves that it is light, Our problem today is that there are those among us who seem to be convinced that the times we live in our “light” however that is just their mind playing tricks on them as it is brought down in chassidus that knowing the problem is already half of the solution because when one realizes what is wrong he can put himself on the right path to fixing it, WE must realize we are in golus and that we dont have the Rebbe the same way we used and then we must work together but not wait for everyone else rather we must serve as a living example for those around us and the result will be that we will once again be united with the Rebbe and moshiach. Amen

• feeling helpless

  to all those offended by being called losers:
  read again, the author is not calling you a loser- he is quoting someone else who has it wrong- some shluchim’s egos balloon as a shliach- the author opposes this view and is cajoling us that with our talents- this should not be happening. Women who are dressing disgustingly should not feel comfortable parading the streets and families with tvs should not be allowed into our rebbe’s schools and ruining the rest of our families who are having a hard enough time battling the outside forces and now need to shield our children from our own “lubavitch” neighbors- never mind that those families- since they have money have the most control in our schools. and that is why were going downhill- the rebellers who are shaming us are the ones in control. its embarrassing.

• Frankly said

  If you ask a Shliach “Take me to your leader” I believe that not one of them will say: “I dont have a leader”.

  Not one!

  Where does this come from that only Anash and primarily in the Rebbe’s shchunah would answer that they dont have one?

  This is the root of the issue.

• Anonim

  BS”D

  To Modern Mother:

  i agree with this article and feel the same sense of loss and failure. as a girl who went through the system and did wonderfully and was loved by all, i am modern now. my husband and i did well in school, were liked by teachers and friends and went through all the steps of a chassidush good kid should. but what happens when you are done and ready to marry? the options are nothing since if you are not from yichus, money or family popularity you are NOTHING!
  —————————

  HUH? What happens when you are ready to marry – the options are nothing? You got married – I don’t understand your post or your reason for becoming modern.

• MG

  As a non-Lubavitcher I felt compelled to respond.

  I have alot of a Hakoras hatov for Chabad. With the help of Chabad, B’H, I am happily married with three kinder, bli ayin hora, living in a shomer shabbos home with lots of love for Yiddishkeit.

  That said, I felt it important to mention the alarming lack of tznius in your community. Just recently, my family and I travelled to Crown Heights for a wedding of a close friend. I was shocked to see the young girls dress with tight dresses with spiked high heel shoes. I hate to say this, but they looked very similar to any shiksa walking the streets of NYC.
  Is there anyone in Crown Heights addressing this issue? Baruch Hashem, the N’shei Chabad magazine and the CR Community Newspaper has a separate section on tznius. But is there anthing else that can be done?

• a mom

  Excuse me! I happen to be one of those modern orth.you all write about and yes I have a t.v. My child happens to not watch t.v. at home,except for news, keeps cholov yisroel etc which i do not.So my child should be kicked out of a school because of me???And you are who-a chossid of the Rebbe??I choose to be mod.orth.but I allow my high schooler to pave her own way and happens to be on a much higher level than I. How dare someone tell my child to get out of a Chabad school? You are not one to talk about Achdus nor do you represent the ideals of the Rebbe.

• MenachemZ

  Another thing to mention: CH is the only Jewish community in the world that when ppl who pass each other on Shabbos on the street that they don’t greet each other with Good Shabbos. Unless your a guest that is wearing jeans.

  IS THAT NORMAL ??

  And if you do say Good Shabbos you get a look like your some kind of Nebech that needs make human contact with another person.

  This is Hepech to Ahavas Yisroel – everyone is wary of the other one – competing against & suspecting the next person.

• Anon

  There is no question that things have to change in Crown Heights. But, if you pay attention and open yourself upto it you will see that things are changing.
  Any profound shift in paradigm can only take place if people are willing to take a good look at themselves and really begin to “fix” things. This takes place at the grass roots level. Yourself, your body, your soul, your family, your friends, your shul, and lastly the entire community.
  Our whole attitude has to change. We have to stop having the ‘woe is me’ mentality. It doesn’t get you anywhere. Self pity leads to self loathing.

  Beleive me, I know all the problems. I live in Crown Heights. I’m not rich. Life has many challenges. Let’s all stop whining.

• HIndy

  To Zevulun,
  You are correct in being offended. While shluchim have a very special zechus and live lives (in many cases) of true mesiras nefesh, anash who live in CH have a very important shlichus, as well. You are correct. We come to you for money, you house our orchim and you house us and our families, as well. We feel lots of gratitude, and while it is true that we have other shluchim as a support system, many of us are in places where neither we, nor our children, have any fellow Lubav or local friend that we can confide in, nor can we send our kids to the neighbor for a Shabbos party. It’s the greatest zechus, but it isn’t easy. However, living in CH also presents many challenges. While we can inspire our kids that they are and need to be different because they are the Rebbe’s shluchim and need to be an example to others, in crown heights it is much harder to get your kids to not follow peer pressure and do things that you know are not in the spirit of what the Rebbe wants, especially if other kids are doing it.
  I also want to say that while it is true that other communities have big problems, and with all our problems, we’re still pretty terrific (the amount of hachnosas orchim in CH over Tishrei is unparalleled anywhere in the world) part of the reason everyone is so upset is because MORE IS EXPECTED OF US–WE ARE THE REBBE’S CHASSIDIM AND THE REBBE EXPECTS MUCH MORE OF US, WE HAVE TO SET HIGHER STANDARDS FOR OURSELVES BECAUSE WE REPRESENT THE REBBE TO THE WORLD (WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT!) AND CROWN HEIGHTS IS THE REBBE’S SHCHUNAH SO WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT WHAT YOU DO AND HOW YOU DRESS IS A REFLECTION ON LUBAVITCH TO OTHERS.

• CH resident

  Mr.Chazan, you had your chance, youi were on Vaad Hakahal…and waht did you accomplish……….nothing so what are you exactly talking about

• sheabudah

  The problem stems from the attitude many (hanhala & bochurim) have towards the so-called “bums” in yeshiva — these are the guys (and girls, I suppose) who choose to work (part-time or full-time) before marriage. Later, these same “bums” become the pillars of the community, often employing those who looked down on them in the first place. I won’t say any more about this, except to say there needs to be balance.

• ???

  btw, besides tznius- and boys wearing pink shirts and jean pants is any more appropriate? this is a big challenge for all of us.

• walkie Talkie

  Good post and appropriately blunt. And I do salute you for writing it.

  But like kollel talk, it’s talk.
  Live long enough you see that many many talk; Few, few do something. Oh, and writing on a blog is not called doing something.

  So if you or any poster thinks they are different than anyone who is part of the problem they would do something.

  Do what, you ask. Well. That’s the problem. If you write or talk of the problem you sound good. Even if you offer a theoretical solution you might sound logical and get digital pats on th eback. Only when you jump in the real (not interent) world and do, will you and your idea be tested whether you and your ideas and perspectives are like the 99% of the population, or the 1% that build something constructive.

  Oh. So easy to critique (just like I’m doing now). Oh. So hard to build something. It takes day after day, week after week, setback after setback, critical comment after critical comment, and you have to believe in your effort through it all. And after all that, the idea and effort will hopefully actually be correct.

  I, for one, don’t think there is A solution, just like there is no ONE problem. But one thing I do know, best to fix everything about yourself before you attempt to forcefix one thing of another.

  Oh. One other thing. There’s a whole world of people out there that don’t read this site, don’t surf the web, don’t post things, so let not the response rate of a piece indicate anything about the real world out there.

• happy

  why is there so much talk about the woman the men are better? maybe they should stop looking at other woman.

• ICH HOB DIR IN BOD!GOR TEEF!

  there we go ,we are all a bunch of losers! u know what,from now on we are going to support our mosdos ,our poor people and u shluchim,STOP coming to us farmers!get ur money from your head shluchim who are loaded with $ who are bleeding u dry!lets start seriously helping ourselves!ANEEYAI EERCHO KOIDMIN!BTW,ALL SHLUCHIM WHEN IT COMES ROSH CHOIDES KISLEV FIND URSELVES A DIFFERENT CITY THAN CROWN HEIGHTS! U DONT WANNA MINGLE WITH US LOSERS,FARMERS ,SECOND CLASS CITIZENS!

• From Crown St.

  From R. Chazan’s op-ed
  “ Baruch Hashem, the community has a lot of yugerlite that are well to do. The Mosdos have honored some of these yugerlite, many whom have very low standards of frumkeit. ”

  Thats another funny misconception – Just because somebody wears a pink shirt and drives around in a new car doesn’t mean he is “well to do”. Most of the yungerlite that are flashy & not too frum are in real-estate or in credit card / cash advance – these people never went to college. They may have closed a few deals and made some commission and now they live shwartze rich. This means their lives are show off and they live with credit card debt.
  But the illusion that they create for themselves and people around them is they have money.

  Talk about Olam Ha sheker – at least if it was true that most of these ppl had made some decent money

  This makes these ppl all the more pathetic in my eyes – and even worse they become role models for their younger siblings.

• Perplexed

  How can anyone read this and think it was written by a sane person?

  Yes! Let’s be like williamsburgh that has 2 satmars. or like boro park that has 2 bobov’s

  Chazan ran for vaad hakohol and got in. He had access to the public funds and did? ….Nothing?
  How many buildings went up in the name of the vaad ‘north of eastern parkway’ as they called it, and how many of those appartments ended up in jewish hands?
  Did he start YAM?
  Did he make sure the ot Y was rebuilt? Did he start Nightlife?
  Did he make Yagdil Torah?
  All this and many other nice projects were done by others.
  HE is a failure.
  Are we forgetting that we have Ten YAd, keren simchas chosson vekallah, keren simchas shabbos vyomtov etc. Is he forgetting that we have new schools that didn’t open just for poliitical or financial gain but to cater to children on different levels.
  Is it anyone’s fault that the wall street financial market is in der erd? Let the guys, young or old, who have the cash and who are ready to help give to our needy. We always honored fremdeh from out of our community because they gave $$. Was that also giving the wrong message to the kids? Now we honor fremdeh who live in CH. Everyone knows that money talks but that you dont have to be frei for that.
  ‘mivtzoim’ is a dangerous word. It means a bunch of crazy women going into the streets to talk to men or dance for them . Something the Rebbe OPPOSED!!!
  But that is a different problem.
  Lack of proffesionalisim in the schools is an issue they just started dealing with this past summer by organizing a teacher’s seminar. But that is also a problem that doesn’t have to do with lack of kehila leadership.
  There are shiurim but if people don’t go the seats will remain empty.
  That has nothing to do with leadership, it has to do with lack of interest in torah study.
  His solution was really amazing. Instead of replacing the ‘losers’ from the current vaad hakohol who actually got things done , unlike his vaad, he wants to open a new vaad (headed by? him?)that won’t do anything besides for teaming up with existing organizations. org.s that are all failures according to him. Will this new vaad get all of them to become functional?
  is there any sane person that can explain this to me?

• nashville

  Crown Heights is rhe support of the shluchim worldwide. thank you for opening your doors and your hearts to our baalei batim that come to you.

• how about this......

  if the shluchim are the ones with all the talent, maybe there should be shluchim appointed to crown heights for the lubavitch comunity ,they would still be doing the rebbers work,as the saying goes “mivtzoim starts at home ”
  just like they go out to far flung places around the world and have amazing success in turning over a community,I’m sure the same can be accomplished with a group of dedicated shluchim for our community

• make a study

  Is everyone in Crown Heights are Lubavitch? Someone may be connected to Lubavitch schools or shuls but pnimius do not feel as if they are Lubavitchers so do not conduct themselves as Lubavitcher chassidim. There are others who may feel themselves to be Lubavitchers but do not conduct themselves as chassidim because of disillusionment with their past. Why don’t you take a survey of Lubavitch families and students, even in person, and ask what they feel about Lubavitch, Crown Heights, etc.

• young mom

  to concerned mother:
  do you seriously think a tznius patrol would help anything? why to you think half of the women dressed improperly are doing so..they were in schools with some ridiculous tzinus patrol…i personally had a teacher watch me go up the stairs and she looked under my skirt to see how high my socks were. it that really gonna make me want to wear longer socks..or run away from being tznius all together…the corruptness, mixed messages and lack of leadership is what is wrong. leadership is not reprimanding somebody in public or looking up their skirt. lubavitch is about acceptance and love. i think most teens these days need that the most.

• Yossi

  A “tznius patrol?” Chabad has truly hit bottom. Harassing women is despicable, and does not solve anything. This is the United States, not some repressive Islamic regime governed by the Taliban. CH needs decent leadership, and upright, righteous people who can spiritually lead us Jews. We clearly need it.

• mrs.

  Crown Heights is not supposed to have just a leader. It is supposed to have a leadership system of mashpiim.First of all, not everyone has a mashpia, or there are those who are too timid to contact their mashpia or don’t know what to ask them. Second of all, there should be a mashpia system like it says in Parshas Yisro. There should be mashpiim of, for example, groups of ten people, even for children (not their teachers). Then those mashpiim over ten people should have mashpiim over them, etc. The mashpia system is too disorganized. If it was more organized, Crown Heights would maybe be a more unified kehilla.

• Out of town Shliach

  CH is one fine place, the people that you call ‘fray’ send their kids to jewish schools, eat glat kosher, go to the mikvah, keep shabbos, are cholov and pas yisroel.
  They are frum… not Chasidish.
  and are just trying to live life.
  you make them out to be “bad”, I disagree!
  the behavior that they exhibit, non tznius, is a NORMAL TAIVO. it is chasidish to overcome a taivo.
  they have voted with their choice of dress not to be chasidish!
  WHY??
  We the “chasidish” people need to ask ourselves, if we are so happy and fortified as chasidim why don’t the young see it and want to do the same?
  Answer….
  The ‘Chasidishe’ ppl are angry, who wants to hang around them!
  the premise that you can tell anyone how to dress, or live their life is wrong!
  we must be a dugma chaya!
  why don’t you invite them for a shabbos to eat with you? get to know them as a person … then after tcholent you can have your come to Judaism talk

• A Selucha

  All the heads of mosdos, all Rabbonim, all who work for mosdos in C.H. are sheluchim.Maybe they need to be looked up to and to be reminded.What an Achraus!
  Each and everyone of you count, you make a difference, so do it well.

• Shmuly

  As a former Crown Heights resident who has seen the community transition from a strong and vibrant place into something which is barely recognizable, here is my observation as to why it has declined so greatly.
  1) A deep-seated elitism that permeates every facet of life.
  I’m better than the gentile, better than the secular Jew, better than all the other Frum Jews, and of course, better than my neighbor.
  When contrasted with the ‘Chabad as non-judgmental outreach movement,’ the dichotomy is striking.
  To pretend that this elitism doesn’t correspond to a lack of Achdus, is foolish.

  2) A lack of direction.
  Most Lubavitchers do not persue the Rabbinate – that is, they do not become Shluchim, Mechanchim, or Rabbi’s.
  Therefore, all others are left to fend for themselves, trying to make their way in the world with no guidance.
  The very expensive Lubavitch lifestyle forces these people to either chase after the almighty dollar, or to leave the community entirely.
  The lifestlye demands coupled with a lack of proper eduction or trade skills is unsustainable.

  3) Moral relativism.
  When people are such absolutists about tzinus, beards, and other exterior features, yet see nothing of making fun of other people, talking behind people’s backs, stealing from government welfare programs, and lacking basic integrity, the hypocrisy is mind-blowing.
  Children catch on to this dualism very quickly.
  If there was a consistency in the practice and application of yiddishkeit,
  people would respect themselves, as well as their neighbor to a far greater extent.

• seen it all

  Instead of everyone knowing and telling everyone else how to solve the crisis, do something about it. You won’t change the moisdos, the stupid fighting in the B”D, moisdos, 770 won’t end from one article. Instead of wringing your hands, open them up. If your neighbor’s family is dysfunctional, tutor one or the kid’s 2 hours a week so he can keep up in class. If you know a BT family that is struggling, invite them for a yomtov meal so they can experience a comfortable, chassidishe seuda. I want Michoel Chazan (my classmate) to tell how much time does he spend in one-on-one learning with a kid, a neighbor, etc.

• everyoneisachossid

  To me this community seems to be half and half. There is half of the community that are quite giving of themselves and quite respectful and sensitive of others. Then there is the other half of the community that are self centered bigots.

  The first solution, for all those that asked for a solution, is a grass roots solution. I have seen a community where people actually compete to outdo each other in chessed. This is what all the people that want a change can do. People have to begin to do spontaneous acts of goodness and kindness.

  Helping one person at a time. Doing small acts of friendship and kindness to your neighbours. A little light can dispel alot of darkness. It can become trendy to be nice. The gmara says that if someone greets you and you fail to answer his greeting it is stealing from him. People should greet each other. People should help each other. Small little acts of kindness can become a giant storm of love and friendship.

  If this happens then it will be inevitable that the leadership wil follow suit. The leaders will learn from the ordinary person in the street how to behave with respect to other leaders. We have to begin to eradicate this attitude of total self centeredness. Too many people are too much involved in themselves.

  This is a grass root solution that can begin immediately with each and everyone of us. In other communities when a new person moves into the community, there are so many people in the community offering all kinds of assistance, big and small. How many of us have seen new people move in to our community? How many of us have gone over to this new person or family and asked if there is anything that they can do to help him/her get settled in?

  People simply have to learn to look out of their skin. and begin to notice others around them. small things can mean quite alot to someone else. A smile, a referal, a connection or whatever can meen so much to another person.

  There are many people in CH that are already doing this sort of thing. and if this sort of approach picks up speed and momentum everyone will be happier.

• Separate the issues

  Michoel makes some very vaild points, but unfortunately missed the point.

  Obviously we have failures and the Rabbonim, Vaad Hakohol, leadership, Mosdoss etc have all privately and collectively failed us.

  Yet by the same token, we have empowered them by either voting them into power or by supporting them financially or otherwise. In other words, we can only blame ourselves unless and until we wake up and vote for new leadership.

  We need to separate the issues and deal with the various problems individually. We must also not forget that CH has great people with a tremendous amount of Chesed being done here, perhaps unparalleled in the entire world, and that if we come together, we can make change.

  But let’s not fight all our wars at the same time. Tznius is a major problem and the schools are sending mixed messages with signs asking the women to dress according to Halacha when dropping off or picking up their children and then honoring modern couples in the hope of getting a few dollars, but deal with that in another forum and don’t start looking for community leadership after alienating 50 or 75% of the community by writing derogatory comments about them.

  We can’t hope to change the community by imposing military rulem but rather by recognizing the problems, being inclusive, and then for each person to set an example for himself.

  There is the famous story or the Toldos Aaron – Reb Aaron of Belz who upon being appointed Rav of his community declared he would change the whole world, and then slowly realized his dreams were out of reach unless he first changed himself, therby causing a change in his family, with the intent the ripple effect will continue onto his community, village, city, state, country, etc up to causing a change in the whole world.

  If we want to fix problems, let us all look within ourselves, hey, that is what Chodesh Elul is all about, and stop looking down at our friends and neighbors, the schools and Mosdos etc.

  That will be a great beginning, but still we need to understand that we have the power to change everything, either by uniting and calling for new elections or by uniting and establishing effective leadership and institutions which will be aswerable to the community and not carry on as though everything is a private business.

• asna

  Michoel Well done!!!! your letter really spoke true words!! my family and I all said it was a very true letter!!!
  Keep up the letter righting

• HERE ARE SOME SOLUTIONS

  Everybody’s been asking for the practical fix. Due to popular demand I’ve arrived to tell you all exactly what to do, which will go a long way to making your life and CH all that much better, and how we want it to be.

  Here goes –

  1) The first thing you need to know is there is only one momzer in CH. That of course is you (the person sitting in front of the computer screen.) He is the person whom you should be
  the most preoccupied with teaching how to act as a frum lubavitcher should. In regards to the rest of the world running around with TV’s, miniskirts, razors or what ever it is first
  thing to have in mind is VEOHAVTO LERAIACHA KOMOCHA, OMAR RABBI AKIVA ZEH KLAL GADOL BATORAH. Secondly try to pay attention to who these people are, not only how they look ie. judge them on their character, not only the colour of their shirt. If you do so, you might realize that these people give away a larger percentage of their earnings to tzedakah than you do, or daven with minyan 7:00 am everyday, while you listen to kedushah from shabbos to
  shabbos.

  2) Take the time to attend to your childrens chinuch YOURSELF. Monitor your childrens behaviour and when you identify a problem, first address it personally, and THEN run to yell at the school. LEARN TORAH WITH YOUR KIDS YOURSELF. Otherwise the message is, in the real world it ain’t that important.

  3) Make sure that your child (or yourself) will have a way of supporting himself after he gets married. If you have no intention of helping your son out financially while he goes through kollel and spends a year or two learning a trade or setting up a business, then MAKE SURE HE GETS A HEAD START BEFORE HE GETS MARRIED. Don’t decide for your son that his career will be to a Shliach or any klei kodesh. If he’s planning to live a frum lifestyle there is no reason to make him feel like a failure, even if he’s decides to be a meteorologist. (Although I would recommend the first option of letting your son / son-in-law sit in kollel by assisting financially for the first three four years).

  PS. Try to make sure your son is not in a position that he will be forced to settle for a $35000/year job, as he will be needing to pay for tuition one day- VeDa“L.

  4) Create as few Va’adim and official positions as possible. They are things which gravitate politics and shmutz just by existing, so decide what CAN NOT be accomplished without a Vaad,
  and create one for those things specifically. Leave everything else to community activism.

  Once you have decided the BARE MINIMUM positions needed to be created, make sure they have the power to execute their authority. For example, find the minimum amount of Rabbonim the Shechunah needs, elect them carefully, and then consign them a group of unknown bochurim which will come with masks and beat people up with baseball bats in middle of the night if the need arises. Creating a rov, whom you will put in a Siruv if he puts you in a Siruv, does no good. If you can’t enforce a position of authority, don’t create it.

  5) Hold no beliefs on our major institutions. Ohlei Torah or Beis Rivkah are not ”disasters“ or the ”Rebbe’s moised where you need to send your children if you have hiskashrus.“ Merkos Linyonei Chinuch is not ”a bunch of power hungry politicians“ nor is it ”the only ones who can decide who is a Shliach of the Rebbe.“ Such statements are BELIEFS not FACTS. Stupid people have a penchant of confusing the two, which allow them to be manipulated like putty in the hands of cynical politicians who use out people for their own agendas.

  Statements such as ”Beis Rivkah failed to teach my child to write“ or ”Ohlei Torah gave my son a teacher this year who inspired him with yiras Shomayim“ are FACTS. Make sure to only trade FACTS about our Moisdos, and ignore all BELIEFS.

  6) Politics is a sick disease which will either mess up your child’s hashkofos, or have him grow up thinking of you as a nebich who couldn’t get his act together and always got screwed by the corrupt politicians. For your own good, avoid all politics which does not affect you directly.

  7) Set up a Shiur BECHAVRUSAH. BECHAVRUSAH. BECHAVRUSAH. Get off the ”but I’m not so chassidish” horse, call up a friend, and set up a time to learn with him on a constant basis. If your wives don’t like it invite them to the shiur as well :-) Make sure you spend at least forty five minutes a day learning torah (at least fifteen minutes of which with the chavrussah).

  If you are unable to find forty five minutes a day to learn, then take my advice – shave of your beard, buy a TV and go to college. Because you are going to wind up there in a couple of years anyways (no matter how chassidish you are now), so doing so now will save yourself the whole emotional roller-coaster thingee.

• SOLUTIONS CONTINUED

  8) Make at least two farbrengens a year. Once on your birthday, and once on your favorite Yoma Depagra (Yat Kislev, Yud Gimel Nissan, Simchas Beis Hashoevah – whatever you identify with). Call up all your friends for two weeks in advance, and make sure to bring over someone respectable to farbreng – you can invite him an hour late if you really can’t live without the booze-and-shmooze thing. Don’t complain about the lack of farbrengen thing – do two a year, and when everyone else does so as well, hey presto.

  PS And when you recieve the invitation, make the effort to go.

  9) Do two acts of chessed and two acts of miftzoim minimum each week. An act of miftziom could be going to the street to ask someone to put on tefillin or it could be teaching a co-worker how to say shema. Or you can kick off your next business meeting with a two minute speech why all humans need to practice charity and pass a pushka around the table. The possibilities are endless. Same with chessed. It could be inviting someone you usually wouldn’t for shabbos, or sending a hot meal to a couple who just had a baby and don’t have parents in town. Keep an eye open and you will discover more opportunities than you can handle yourself.

  10) Learn a sicha every shabbos. By “Sicha” I mean the full Bilti Mugeh version from a shabbos farbrengen. Let’s face it – the petrol which chabad ran on were the Rebbe’s shabbos farbrengens. By taking the one to two hours every shabbos your engines will be running on full again – you will notice the difference and so will everyone else.

  11) Set limits on internet (and computer) usage in your house hold. Forget about dirty content it destroys TIME like nothing else in the world does. Limit your use and you childrens usage to set time limits every day, and if your bored you can learn, or at the very least borrow a book from the library, learn how to play guitar, or exercise. Something USEFULL.

  12) Get a mashpiah – it will be harder to do than all the first eleven points put together, and it will reap more benefits than all the first eleven put together.

  13) Daven and work on bringing moshiach.

  Anyways people there you go. Have luck Kessivah Vachasimmah Tovah to everyone, including our corrupt vaad members, people who have fresh makeup on second day yomtov, girls who wear miniskirts, men who trim their beards etc. May Hashem bless you along with the rest of us for a sweet and happy new year and next year in yerushalayim!

  If you know someone who doesn’t use the net and can benefit from this public service announcement, you can print this out for them and keep the goodness flowing.

• so sad & lost

  All these comments prove one thing. We are not,and haven’t been united on any issues for 16 years. As soon as the Rebbe had his stroke, that was it. All gloves were off, the people (all men!) who were aiting in the wings with no power for all those years, took charge.

  Somebody had to, it’s true. But they did such a lousy job that it’s a free for all. And it gets worse. It started with who “owns”/runs 770 & has filtered down to the street where Chutzpah & selfishness is the norm, esp. between young people.

  My sons are all away, B”H. We don’t want them in CH, the Rebbe’s home, OUR home, because the insanity has taken over & everything we’ve tried to teach them you can’t find anymore: respect, consideration, menschlechkeit etc. not to mention frumkeit!

  Let Rabbi Chazan start with shaping up the thugs & bums who come for Tishrei, get the sleazy, lazy, selfish girls out of the way of the boys, and stop this craziness once & for all.

  I’m closer to the end of my life than the beginning. I want to leave this place & move away, possibly to Israel, possibly near my Shluchim children, because it hurts me so much to see what we were & what we’ve become. I remember the beautiful, inspiring Tishrei with the Rebbe. Now it’s a huge joke.

• Zeldy

  I think there might be one or two main points, around which everything else revolves:
  In an earlier time 770 Eastern Parkway was an umbrella over everything else that happened. And obviously that was our hiskashrus to the Rebbe. Since the doubts in the Rebbe’s availability and active“presence” amongst us has eroded, so 770 has lost it’s connecting hashpaah, that used to be the undoubted thread of unit for everyone and everything.
  Today, doubts in the Rebbe’s “participation” in our lives, has meant that a large portion of the community operate outside that umbrella. This is a spiritual situation, because if the Rebbe would suddenly become “visible” – then suddenly everyone would be under one umbrella again – and all the “Bnei Akive”, “modern orthodox”, Moshichists and “Anti’s” amongst us would be united like the action of one flick of a lightswitch, meaning in one second!
  Because all of us are “Rebbe” people – that’s why we are here and choose to be affiliated with Lubavitch.
  Our neshamas were chosen out by the “Alter Rebbe” (for all time). We “resonate” with the idea of a “Nais HaDor” by nature, we don’t have a problem with that basic premise. Everyone else has that problem – they are just not “turned on” by the same discussions and machlokes that we are – viz. arguing about the Rebbe= whether he is in Gan Eden or “Here” (in this world) etc. This type of thing leaves them cold.
  The problem is more a ruchniudik one – where as Moshiach comes close (and we learn that the darkness gets more just before the dawn – the time when MOshiach comes). And this struggle influences and divides everything – up to really practical things – like separate shuls, separate schools etc.
  In our hearts – we all know that 770 is the thread that unites us. But to listen to our hearts – that’s the multi dollar question. But that is quite besides the point. I’m saying that just to make people aware how Lubavitrch they are in their heart.
  All the people who present themselves as being not tznius, don’t MEAN it – it’s an expression of feeling inadequate in some way (and these feelings cam affects us all in some way). They need to assert themselves that way, but they DONT WANT to – we are all beautiful Chabad neshamas, who, at the drop of a hat, at the pull of a lightswitch – would draw together as one – if necessary (and for great things BE“H).

  One more point I would make – is that where are all the teachers etc – eg. when Neshei Chabad has events – where are they, where is EVERYBODY. This umbrella organization has been dropped by many. Dropped by 2 types of people. One type just dosn’t leavn and dosn’t want that level of ruchnius in their lives (no patience – maybe money serves instead, or they have personal issues which are occupying them.
  And the second is people who have all the ruchnius in the world, but will not participate in ”umbrella“ like these, because it involves going INTO 770 (say, for convention etc) on occasion, and having to hear a possible ”Yechi“ proclamation at the end of the meeting.
  THAT intolerance (and suchlike) has succeeded in breaking up organizations and the result is breaking up of achdus.

  And I would venture to say – that LACK OF LEARNING (nothing per day, either in a class or at home) – is TOP amongst helping to prevent depression and negativity in the general day to day life. No learning – you become a ”Gahsmius” oriented person, with little tolerance for the finer things (which especially Lubavbitch) has to offer,
  A chasiva v’chaima tova!

• feh

  of course its not only about the women…their husbands arent blind…they like the way their wives are dressing, or better yet, not dressing..otherwise the women wouldnt get away with it!

• L-Shana Tova

  I agree with Shmuely and seenitall. Basically it means that if people don’t want to spend all day talking Lashon Hara or overspending in order to fit in, they will have to swim against the tide.
  Seenitall is 100%correct. BTs are usually overwhelmed when they try to have large families without the support of their own parents and don’t have the educational background to help their own kids. It is truly a mitzvah to become a mentor for such kids.
  While tznius has gone downhill, this sweltering summer I still saw many women who were very tznius in shuls and on Kingston. There were also those who were totally untznius but it was hard to tell if they were CHers or non-Jews. There again, it is impossible to force an entire community (unless it is a contained community like Kiryat Yoel or New Square) to dress according to standard. There are inspirational articles regarding tznius in the CHCC journal every week and in the N’Shei Newsletter. That means reasonable efforts are made in the community to address the issue.

• M. Kreiner

  Every community and neighborhood in the country has it’s strong points and its weak points. Why should Crown Heights be any different?

  Many of you may recognize me not by name, but as the “Tattooed Woman”. I moved to Crown Heights about a year ago. The main reasons I wanted to move here were the sense of incredible community I saw, the love of Hashem in the air, and the level of friendliness and open-ness that Chabad is known for. My fiance and I were excited by the possibilities that the neighborhood offered to us.. an easier approach to keeping kosher, for attending shul, for observing Shabbos.. everything seemed great.
  I met with a great lady in the neighborhood to discuss my interest in becoming more observant, and she was encouraging. She even made a comment that I was dressed more modestly than most of the women in the neighborhood.
  But that’s where the open-ness stopped. I noticed that the people here don’t smile. They don’t talk to you. They are stand off-ish and aloof. There is constant bickering over petty matters, and I even had one woman turn her nose up at us after she asked which shul we attended, and I told her we hadn’t settled on one yet!
  I’ve gone from wanting to stay in Crown Heights to raise children in a good, moral surrounding, to being told that because I LOOK different and we are BT, that our children will never have any hope of achieving anything here, and that we should leave!

  And so we are. Sadly, we are moving from this place that I built my NY dreams of a family and a modest lifestyle on. We are both saddened by this, and wish it could be different.

• Another Sara

  When did going against halacha, minhagim, and the Rebbe become a “choice”?

• CH DOSENT REP 95%lUBAVITCH

  THOSE WHO WERE UN-QUALIFIED or UNFIT or UN-MOTIVATED to go on shlichus

  (this after 20yrs of “shlichus” shlichus shlichus indocronation)

  these (modern-orthodox-types can hardly be representative of LUBAVITCH, SACRIFICE, CHASIDUS-CHABAD,

  many dont even claim to be chabad!!

• A Mother with boys who has seen it all

  Did anyone attend the Hachnasis Sefer Torah this Sunday sponsored by Congregation Beis Shmuel? If not check out the pixs. You will see men with beards, capotes, suits, hats and yes some dressed down. But spiritually, they are GOING UP. Take it from me, I personally know alot of these men since they were little. With YY Jabobson and a united front, they are davening together, learning, both men and women, raising Yeshiva going kids, staying in CH and making this a better place. Many of these boys were ejected from various Yeshivas in Lubavitch WITHOUT MERCY and had their hearts and spirits broken. Thank G-d to see such transformation in our community. Also look at “The Shule” operating out of the Shalom Center and Moshe Feiglin’s Aliya on East NY. If you want to be inspired, if you want to help, start there!

• Boruch ben Tzvi(A H)HaKoahiine Hoffinger

  B”H
  The men who are requesting of their wives and daughters to be tzius should also refrain from talking during Kaddish, Chozer HaShatz, etc.
  A true Chabadnick doesn’t talk until the Shliach Tzibbur has completely finished.
  How can you ask of someone else to follow Halacha if YOUR’RE NOT?!

• bracha

  shmuly–you’re a genius

• annoyed

  the problem in this community is that everything is forced upon our children. nothing is taught with love for judaisim and encourage children to wear tzizis and so on. the reason a lot of children in this community aren’t religious is because they were forced to do something they didn’t understand! they were taught by uneducated teachers who insulted them and criticized them before their classmates. i know first hand, i went to school in crown heights!! when strangers came to the rebbe for dollars he didn’t say OMG HER HAIR ISN’T COVERED!! SHE’S WEARING PANTS!! HER HUSBAND IS A THEIF!!! HE ACCEPTED EVERYONE FOR WHO THEY ARE!!for those of you who claim your lubavitch and chassidish and rebbes community you are not and you need a reality check

• bracha

  to annoyed.

  people had the common courtesy to cover their heads, hair, and their pants (there was a supply of yarmulkes, tichels and housecoats for this) when they came to see the Rebbe.
  it’s mamash a bizayion for people to dress the way they do in the Rebbe’s shcunah. i am b”n going to discuss with my husband how much we are willing to pledge for a tznius patrol.

• bracha

  never underestimate the power of the women. let’s have a meeting of neshei chabad to address the kehila issues mentioned here. i will b”n attend

• mother

  Shimshon Stock once told me that if you want your kids to be frum they better see a happy home.. It doesnt matter how I dress or how much my husband learns, if the kids dont see joy, laughter, happiness , then they wont see anything. It’s the same for the larger community. There should be joy in school and shul and even on Kingston Ave.

• To -From Crown St-

  to “from crown st”

  you seem mad,angry, or dare i say even jealous. so you’re saying anyone who is in real estate. cc processing/cash advance..doesnt have a real job? my guess- you tried making it in both of those areas, your prob a lil older(married) and it just didnt work for u. it must have been tough, closing a deal once a month for u- but not making it all the way- i understand. really. got some news for u- there are people who make a living off credit card residuals, off cash deals and property deals- more than u can imagine..albeit, some of them are young. a lot, let’s say majority of people didnt make it and then there are those who did. if u say they have new cars- chances are they dont have credit card debt- wouldnt be so simple getting approved for a 2008 higher end car with that, now would it. sounds more like a personal complex that ur having, rather than a valid point. Don’t hate.

• annoyed

  “to bracha”

  do you actually think this ridiculous tznius patrol is going to work? this is a free country..people can dress how they please and do what they please..you don’t pay their bills nor their tuition so mind your own business and get a life!! the attention shouldn’t only be pointed to women how about the “chassidish” boys who come from very “chassidish” families are in nightclubs on Friday and Saturday nights? Maybe we should have shabbos patrols too? no the big issue is stop criticizing people and respect one another for WHO THEY ARE.

• for your kid-s sake

  To a mom wrote:
  Excuse me! I happen to be one of those modern orth.you all write about and yes I have a t.v. My child happens to not watch t.v. at home,except for news, keeps cholov yisroel etc which i do not.So my child should be kicked out of a school because of me ….

  I strongly advise you to listen to a series from Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz from Monsey. You don’t realize how confused your child is. Ahava mikalkeles hashura. If you don’t want to live according to the lifestyle taught your child in school, either change or send her/him to a school that matches your chosen way. For your child’s good, get the tapes or cd’s and take it to heart. I did it personally, and the common sense approach he takes changed my outlook 180 degrees.
  BTW, he is a “snag”, and kabel haemes mimi she’omroi.

• chani

  i like the solutions that were given by that loooong post, that was cut into two…. it was very simple and true that if there was a change in attitude, and everyone started looking for themselves how to improve their own lives, that would in turn change the genereal community as a whole. why do you need a vaad to do acts of kindness??? or organize yourself and friends a shiur?

• CH Shliach

  “Community” is a concept – which means many who think they are part of one thing.

  Lubavitch post 3 Tammuz is not and cannot be Lubavitch of Pre 3 Tammuz.

  Those on shlichus were/are forced by their socio-economic position to become (or remain alone) the Rebbe of their domain.

  Those in CH – where the Rebbe was the Rebbe of the domain – are in the ship left without the captain. (No, I’m not saying the Rebbe wasn’t Rebbe of the world too).

  No one in CH is the next captain, and everyone can (must) only be captain of their own ship (home/family).

  So the huge difference between a shliach and CH resident is that the shliach all along had no choice but to “play” “Rebbe” (that was his job)whereas the CH resident never had to lead, just follow. (There are exceptions to both ends).

  So every CH resident must become “shluchim” in their own “Chabad houses” (that is if they want to keep their Lubavitvch alive). Whatever they live and teach and emulate that’s the best their “community” (family) will get. Whatever responsibility they feel they have as a shliach, that’s what they will aim to perform for their family.

  The community aspect in CH died on 3 Tammuz. As long as the follower mentality remains, there is no community, since nothing binds all as a community.

  Only when/if people become self-anchored (and assume the role of shliach), only then can there be hope for and seeds of a community.

  And for those shluchim who keep their noses high and clean above the fray of CH – Imagine if you had to live with another shliach next door. And another next door. Times 2000. Actually no imagination is necessary. See and know what occurs when shluchim step on each others turf toes. So the challenge of CH is huge. Something shluchim have not necessarily had or mastered. But just as there are ways for shluchim with wide geographical domains to interact constructively and respectfully with neighboring shluchim and others (to the point of monumental collective power when they put their mind and will to it), so too can CH residents do that on a smaller geographical but equally important scale.

  CH was always referred to as a microcosm of the world.

  (And for those aching to make noise about Yechi and Igros and the Rebbe’s Torah allowing a continued connection. Chabad chassidus and the seventh generation must have a living breathing leader – so said the Rebbe – but I’m not going to deal with unanswerable theological questions in this post. I’m sticking to the factual issue of a couple of blocks in Brooklyn that used to be a community around a person/leader and which now doesn’t have that person and the people are left with differing opinions, complaints, issues…as humans are known to do.)

• To A-wrote

  Have you noticed the look on the expressionless face of a fellow Crown Heightser, more often than not, the lines display signs of disinterest and unrelenting scowls. A frown is forthcoming quicker than a smile. I have lived here all my married life (13 years) and I have felt the frigid dead atmosphere surrounding Crown Heights. Doors are shut, blinds are drawn, mouths are set in tight lines, and eyes are always scanning for the wrongdoer. People scanning the streets for the slit or the bit of hair fluttering out from beneath the “forbidden” tichel. It has boiled down to the clothes and only the clothes create a person. Only the clothes. Tznius has become the be all and end all and a form of rebellion for the new generation. The outside of a person has become the determining factor. This way of thought is detrimental, good personal qualities are overlooked, and kids stray. Crown Heights has become rotten to the core and the collective Crown Heights has decided to deal with it by trying to shine the black spots on the peel.
  Intrinsically poeple are good. GOOD! Us, the people of Crown Heights, have essential labelled people bad. Labelled them from the time a slither of knee was visible. Once labelled bad a person will fit the bill and continue in their predermined direction. Predermined by the gawking sullen eyes of the judges.

• Parent in CH

  This problem of Tznius shaved beard etc is thanks to the schools that threw the boys and girls on the street. Now the schools are working on destring a new generation by throwing them out. The firts thing to do is get Menahalim that are eager to help the children not make their job easier by throwing them out. A whole generation destroyed. The mother of boys has it right at least Bais Shmuel saved them.

• BT & a Frum Jew

  It’s both nice & sad at the same time that we all seem to agree on the main point…that Crown Heights is in deep trouble in many ways.

  I don’t think I’m a loser because I’m not a Shliach. I do my shlichus every day in Manhattan where I (hopefully) make a Kiddush Hashem among the Goyim I work with & a Kiddush Lubavitch among my Jewish colleagues. Some of them are frum, but I think i’m the only Lubavitcher (it’s big company.) Hopefully, my sons will go on Shlichus one day.

  As for a lack of leadership, it’s all too true. But what can we do about it? Fish stinks from the head & our Rabbonim don’t set good examples. Why do they have to hate each other & disagree with each other all the time? Why are they so nasty when we ask a Shaileh? It stops us from asking. Or we go outside the community, even to non-Lubavitchers who treat us with respect. And yet they expect us to respect them & follow their “guidance”? What a bunch of baloney! What guidance? How can I follow them when they treat me like I crawled out from under a rock! But they are very quick to ask for Maas Hakahal or to send people round for donations. I’m good enough to give money but not good enough to be treated like a mentsch.

  So I’m a Baal Teshuva, so what. It seems to me the Rabbonim could use some Teshuva themselves. Now would be a great time.

• a regular Joe

  Please keep this OP ED on line for as long as possible. Maybe someone will have some answers & it gives us a chance to vent. We don’t have any power, only what we get through your site.

  Has anyone else noticed the same emotions running through the responses? We all seem to be despairing & despondent, angry that we’re good enough to feed & host hundreds of strangers & give Tzedaka but not good enough to be respected, & frustrated at our “leaders”, both communal & religious.

  And has anyone noticed NOT ONE RESPONSE from the Shea Hechts, Moshe Rubashkins, Rabbi Osdobas or Schweis, or anyone out there! Just hurt & misery from us regular Joes who live in this pit.

• To BT & Frum,

  It hurts to be insulted when asking a ruv a sheila. Unfortunately, some of them do give off a nasty sentiment some of the time. However, though I have no political bonds and speak with all the rabonim, the one whom I have never encountered to be nasty in a way shape or form was Rav Schwei. You may have experienced otherwise, I’m just sharing my feelings. Others whom I have spoken with have concurred to that fact, even if they have political persuasions with feelings towards him that are otherwise…

• To Mother

  Even if Shimshon Stock A”H did say that joy is the only thing, and not how you dress or how much the husband learns, I must note with all due respect at least regarding the second thing (becasue I have a clear source) which the Rebbe Rashab said that it makes the difference in Chinuch. This is my limited information, however I believe that there are plenty of sources on both items.
  Besides. if the other things dont make a difference so what is frumkeit? what are we hippies?

• Dovid

  My daughter goes to a school that has a policy that the girls have to were tights, yet some girls come with socks. how do I explain it to my daughter?

• ALL LUBAVITCHERS HAVE BIG HEARTS

  SOME SOLUTIONS & CH SHLIACH
  2 EXCELLENT PIECES.
  SUMMED UP VERY WELL.
  THANKYOU

• To out of town shliach

  What!
  Tznius is Chasidish?!
  Its laws are in shulchan Aruch – not in Tanya
  Suprised at the thought

• deep in dough

  Someone above wanted to know why the rabbonim do not answer this op-ed. I have seen that BTs (who are making themselve heard here) are more open to internet forums and blogs and many older FFBs are not familiar with the wonders of technology. People have to empower themselves and not just be helpless victims. If your family is not treated well in a school, get together with other families and make your own co-op school that teaches the values that you want imparted. That the established community is not thrilled to embrace BTs is a decades old story. While FFBs and BTs both learn the same Torah and perform the same Mitzvohs, their values and culture conflict. To expect acceptance and open-mindedness from those who do not see that as a positive virtue is unrealistic.

• Devorah L.

  I am just fine with the way that I dress and don’t need anyone to dictate to me otherwise. In the schools where we were supposed to be educated everything was coeerced upon us and no questions were allowed to be asked. If questions were asked the we were either impolietly told to shut up or ignored and certainly looked down upon. For what? trying to understand? Well now that I am an autonamous being, independent if school rules and afraid of being expelled from BR for breaking school policy I can dress the way I feel and how they impose upon me and my colleagues. Tell me what’s wrong if I don’t wear sock in the summer when it’s 120° out there or other clothes that aren’t so tight on my neck or covering my knees. I feel that I am a much nicer person than many of those who enforce tznius rules on everyone else. Besides that if Hashem gives me good looks then I thin that they must be exposed, because with the messed up corruption of ch, how else will I get a shidduch, not coming froma rich and famous family, at least people will see me for who I am and not what others want to make of me. Then winter arrives and they complain about what kinds of tights or leggings we’re allowed to wear, gimme a break, now that we are ‘tznius’ you’re creating new standards…. rediculousely pathetic. Time for a paradigm shift in ch. There are more important things to fix up in the community. Start with yourself and let me work on myself.

• Parent of children

  We need some new people in Lubavitch Yeshiva mesivta and bais medrish that care about keeping bochurim in yeshiva not that the yeshiva should look good and be easy for them. Look at all the young people that were rejected from Lubavitch Yeshiva over the past 15 years and you will understand the problems in this community. Someone must take the inititive and put in new people. Lubavitch Yeshiva belongs to the community and has to service evryone not reject kids.

• bracha

  to annoyed,
  if we “respect” everyone for who they are, at some point you have to draw the line somewhere. respecting everyone for anything means no standards. we have to be mentshlich to everyone, but a community has to have standards. why should the standards be less than the minimum requirements of halacha? read the seforim. even non-lubavitch seforim concur with our standards of tznius.

• debbie

  ok Brocho- yes there has to be standards but what do you want to do about the those who refuse to abide by the Halachic standards? You want to kick them out?Embarrass them?What exactly?I know parents who totally rejected their children(and for good reasons too)but ultimately they cut off all relations and became estranged.Eventually the kids totally went off and lived their own lives without any Jud.practices at all. So you need to view all this from a global viewpoint and see an entire picture when you point fingers and discuss Halacha.Yes,these are the laws but not everyone wants to keep them and they do not care about tznius.So how do you want to force people to care?Become like the Taliban and we know what they do to their women?What do you want to do about it and should anything be done??Do you have a choice or do you prefer to alienate so many people just to have a sparkling tznius environment?

• really annoyed

  to “bracha”

  you are a very ignorant person and i’m not surprised or shocked at all…seems to be the norm in this community..veahavta lerayacha kamocha…respect and love is the basis of judaism..if a woman doesnt’ want to wear tights that’s NON OF YOUR BUSINESS..you respect and love her as a jew and be an example of an open hearted jewish woman not a woman who’s setting “standards” in a community that doesn’t exist! standards need to be set on our rabbonim who don’t deserve to be called rabbonim! they kick boys out of schools because they don’t “fit” in! that’s a rabbi? embrace our children respect one another for who we are and not what you think we should be!! this is why our so called “community” is the way it is. teach the children love for judaism, encourage them to be HONEST,G-D FEARING YIDDEN!! stop setting ridiculous standards. secondly i think you need to set yourself a standard and start learning torah from scratch!!

• bracha

  ok debbie.
  what do you suggest? no standards? anything goes? if you agree that standards are necessary (even the ayno yehudim have standards), how would should we as a community maintain standards?

• bt bubby

  to deep in dough,
  your post is out of place because, speaking for myself and my friends, we were willing to do ANYTHING that chassidus demanded, just to be accepted by the community. and you know what? after 30 years of trying, you realize that it’s not happening. we WANT our kids to have the most chassidishe chinuch, but certain schools make it very clear, that no matter how hard we try, they are not interested in us or our children.

• Michoel fan

  After reading the letter,I was reminded (for the umpteenth time),of Michoel Chazan’s Mesiras Nefesh lemaan haKlal.
  Reading the coments,I was pleasantly surprised to see that many are positive.I hope that his letter will B’Ezras HaShem serve as the impetus to start some of the things suggested-I say some,but hope they will ALL be implemented! Kesivah vachasima Tova to him,his family & ALL of K’lal Yisroel.

• Smile be happy

  This BT and FFB nonsense is a big part of the problem.

  Wake up people. The kids and young couples that are changing the community (with whom I have no problem what so ever)are mostly the kids and grand kids of all the big shots in Crown Heights and Yichus families around the world.

  I just have to look in my own family and the ones who are modern or not frum anymore altogether are not the so called BT’s or children of BT’s but the children of big time yichus and Lubavitch big shots.

  I want to make two points:

  Point 1:
  A child of what we label in Lubavitch, BT’s, looks around and see the sons and daughters of Yichus and Chabad royalty and FFB’s get more modern, drive German cars, dress stylish and fashionable, but not the way our parents dressed when we where young, and thinks, if it is ok for them why not for me, and yes some of those kids because they have family that is not frum and part of American modern society, will end up on the borderline or go over that line because they have access to that world and the reason that some children of Yichus or so called FFB’s do not go that far is because they have no access to that world, but the next generation will.

  Point two
  Nobody is going to change the way our young generation wants to live by forcing them to dress a certain way or behave a certain way. Ridiculing anyone in our community will only push them away.
  Yes Schools have to put up guidelines, but sending letters to homes demanding behavior and threatening punishment and putting letters all over Crown Heights demanding Tzinus etc is just pushing away our own children and siblings.
  Because there are a few ingredients missing in this war of words.

  You can only change something if there is a motive for change, people do not change because of threats, they change if they have a motive for change.
  Many young people are disillusioned by the frumkeit of their parents and the older people around them. A lot of it has to do with communication and a open mind, both of which are missing a lot in our community.
  Lets start respecting each other and having an open mind for each other and start saying hello to each other on the street, say something nice to each other when we are sitting at the barber store waiting for our turn, and for goodness sake stop judging each other.

  BT, FFB, this group, that group, it is all nonsense that will push us further away from each other. An open mind, a smile and a positive attitude towards each other will create a lot of good change in our community.

  Wishing everyone a kesivah vechasimah tova